Was I out of line here?

[Bradyams]

Preface: Prior to Friday night my girlfriend and I had hung out for 4-5 nights out of the last week. Thursday night we went to Denver for some type of Disney show at the Denver of Performing Arts Center for her birthday.

Friday night I'm sitting around at my Mom's house (I'm house sitting for her while she is in Brazil), and my grilfriend calls me from work (she gets off at 10:30). She asks if I want to go to her house and spend the night with her. She says she's tired and she's just going to go to sleep, and that's it. I don't really feel like driving the the 30-40 minutes to her house just sleep in the same bed as her. Especially since as soon as I wake up I just need to go back to my Mom's to finish up some chores before they get back. I tell her that I don't really want to, and she's fine with that. I then ask her if she wants to stay with me since her work is only 10 minutes from my Mom's house. She says she doesn't have enough gas to come out here, and then go home. I say OK, and that's the end of it.

Then around 9:30 my really good friend calls me, and tells me they're filling up a keg, and going to my friend's house to throw a party since it's his last night before he goes back to Indiana for school (we're in Colorado). Their house is about 20 minutes away. I say I'm there and I get ready, and leave.

When I'm there my GF calls me when she gets off work, I tell her where I'm at, and she goes off the deep end. She says it's bullshit that I "blew her off", and went to my friends house. I'm completely appalled that she can even be mad at me for this. I didn't want to drive 40 minutes just to sleep, and I'd much rather drive 20 minutes to party with my friend who was leaving the next day. I don't see how she couldn't understand that. Our phone conversation ended with me calling her a bitch, and hanging up on her.

Another friend heard the end of the convo and asked what was up with that. I gave him a breif explanation, and he told me that he can see where she's coming from. What?! Am I the only one that doesn't get why she's mad?

I haven't talked to her since Friday night, and I'm not looking forward to it. Our relationship will probably be over soon due to that, and other things, but I was curious if OOT thought I was out of line, or if she really is being a bitch, or if should just SIIHP.

Personally, I think she's being way too controlling, and I'm [censored] sick of it.

[gorie]

[ QUOTE ]
Was I out of line here?

[/ QUOTE ]

google is your friend (http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&q=was+i+out+of+line%3F&btnG=Googl e+Search)

(and no, i don't think you did anything wrong until you called her a btch, but she might have interpretted the situation differently.)

[SamIAm]

[ QUOTE ]
Our phone conversation ended with me calling her a bitch, and hanging up on her.

[/ QUOTE ]This is never the right plan. I'm not saying you have to be a push-over, but name-calling and hanging-up is the step you take when you're breaking-up, not deciding whether to break-up. You chose emotional release over the strategic decision.

You went on relationship-tilt. /images/graemlins/smile.gif
-Sam

[Harv72b]

You were out of line. Reverse the roles, where you ask her to come spend the night with you, she tells you she really can't because it's a long drive & she just has to drive back home in the morning & she has a bunch of stuff she needs to do tomorrow, and then you find out later that she went out drinking with her friends.

Wouldn't you be a bit upset?

You're young. In time you'll learn that the only possible course of action after declining to spend the night with her was to call her before you went to the party to explain the circumstances to her. And ask if she'd like to come.

That is, if you don't want to end up where you are.

[zoomOut]

yikes, reading this is almost painful. You are a great writer because you presented this really well. I actually don't think you were out of line however, on hindsight, some of this might have been avoided if you had simply told her that you were pretty bored and restless and really weren't in the mood to watch her sleep. Then she wouldn't have been so shocked when you did what you did. I'm pretty sure you can talk this through and tell her honestly why she is being annoying. Don't raise your voice or call her names, just be straight forward and explain your position.

Bottom line: you were not out of line. She's being a little emotional.

[Bradyams]

[ QUOTE ]
Don't raise your voice or call her names, just be straight forward and explain your position.

[/ QUOTE ]

For the record I didn't immediately come out swinging, and calling names. She told me why she was upset, I explained my situation, and then she wouldn't stop bitching me out. That combined with the fact I was missing out on the party, I was pissed, and just wanted to get off the phone with her.

[Talk2BigSteve]

Kick her to the curb. <font color="white"> I am so glad I don't have to deal with pussy in my life.
</font>
Big Steve /images/graemlins/cool.gif

[zoomOut]

Got it. I can picture the whole thing. Aren't girlfriends fun! /images/graemlins/smirk.gif

[RunDownHouse]

[ QUOTE ]
You were out of line. Reverse the roles, where you ask her to come spend the night with you, she tells you she really can't because it's a long drive &amp; she just has to drive back home in the morning &amp; she has a bunch of stuff she needs to do tomorrow, and then you find out later that she went out drinking with her friends.

[/ QUOTE ]
The problem with this is that the OP is male. Girls tend to care much more about this kind of stuff than guys do.

In fact, I don't know if the OP can even put himself in her shoes, since I doubt he'd ever ask her to come over, "but no messing around, just sleep!"

[Dangergirl]

Personally, I would not have cared here. I don't think you did any harm in going to the party. AFter all your friend leaves soon. I would be pissed about the name calling though. Bitch is pretty harsh.

[Harv72b]

[ QUOTE ]
The problem with this is that the OP is male. Girls tend to care much more about this kind of stuff than guys do.

In fact, I don't know if the OP can even put himself in her shoes, since I doubt he'd ever ask her to come over, "but no messing around, just sleep!"

[/ QUOTE ]

The "no messing around" part just makes it worse, as she will now interpret his decision as being a rejection of her when there isn't the potential for messing around. In her mind, she's thinking that he just wasn't interested in spending time with her that night, but would gladly have made the 40 minute drive with all its complications if he thought he might get laid (I'm making the assumption that this was/is a sexual relationship).

It doesn't matter if a guy would ever put himself into that precise predicament. It only matters how she interprets it, if the OP is really interested in continuing the relationship. I left out that particular detail in the first post because it doesn't often apply from his perspective.

[WackityWhiz]

d00d, our gf's should get together sometime, cuz they both seem to overreact about the dumbest [censored]. I feel your pain

[ChoicestHops]

I can see where she's coming from. Not that I agree with her. What if you called her and asked if she wanted to come to your place to watch a movie for the night. She declines, and then you call her again an hour later. She's at the club with some friends slutting it up. Would you be pissed?

Granted, she only asked you to go to her place to sleep. But girls takes things like this seriously. They need cuddle bitches. It makes them feel loved that you would go out of your way just to sleep with her.

Even so, she overracted. You didn't know about the party when she asked you this, and it sounds like it was very unexpected.

[Mason Hellmuth]

[ QUOTE ]
who was leaving the next day.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is really the key. If the party was with some friends you can just see anytime, she might have a leg to stand on. But the fact that he's leaving town makes this a special case. She overreacted.

[[censored]]

You weren't so much out of line as you could have played it better.

[Mr. Zero]

This is so dumb.

Next time just call her after your buddy gives you the invite to the kegger. Say "Hey, I just found out some buddies are throwing a party for a friend who's leaving town soon. I feel like I need to make an appearance. You want to join me?"

She'll probably say no because she's tired from work. But by doing this you have (1) told her that you're going out, (2) told her why you didn't mention it before and (3) invited her.

[Bradyams]

[ QUOTE ]
This is so dumb.

Next time just call her after your buddy gives you the invite to the kegger. Say "Hey, I just found out some buddies are throwing a party for a friend who's leaving town soon. I feel like I need to make an appearance. You want to join me?"

She'll probably say no because she's tired from work. But by doing this you have (1) told her that you're going out, (2) told her why you didn't mention it before and (3) invited her.

[/ QUOTE ]

Very true, and for some reason I never think of these things. I usually just go with the flow, and do whatever happens. I really do need to just take a few seconds and think about what's going on.

[arod15]

Yes a little. Just go to her house. say you were about to call her and were going to go over. FLowers are perhaps in order. Send me a PM i can get you a discount from 1800flowers.....

[ggbman]

I dont think you were out of line, but breaking up over something like this is rash. Tell her you care about here, and that it was your friends last night here. Cite examples of how you care about her and exaplin that you didn't want to ditch her, but you just wanted to see you friend for the last time in a while.

Gabe

[meep_42]

[ QUOTE ]
This is so dumb.

Next time just call her after your buddy gives you the invite to the kegger. Say "Hey, I just found out some buddies are throwing a party for a friend who's leaving town soon. I feel like I need to make an appearance. You want to join me?"

She'll probably say no because she's tired from work. But by doing this you have (1) told her that you're going out, (2) told her why you didn't mention it before and (3) invited her.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is obviously the correct play.

-d

[tommy2]

This is why there is caller ID on your cell phone. Next time realize that at the very least this is a coin flip bad situation and don't answer your phone. In fact, at times like this, I turn the cell off and don't turn it on til the AM.

[durron597]

[ QUOTE ]
the only possible course of action after declining to spend the night with her was to call her before you went to the party to explain the circumstances to her. And ask if she'd like to come.

[/ QUOTE ]

[gulebjorn]

Cmon guys, this isn't even close to out of line.

I agree that calling her and telling her about the party would have been better. But it doesn't change anything about the fact that you're going to the party instead of going to sleep at her place.

Driving distances don't even enter in to the discussion. If you feel like going to a party, go. Especially if you've been hanging out together so much. If she gets mad just because you changed your mind after you told her you were staying home, that's just BS. Unless you have some agreement that you let each other know when and where you are going out or something.

You were totally right, except for the bitch-calling. Ending a phone-discussion with name calling and hanging up is just bad. Better would be: I'm sorry, but I'm gonna get wasted, I'm going to hang up now and we'll talk tomorrow.

[West]

[ QUOTE ]
I then ask her if she wants to stay with me since her work is only 10 minutes from my Mom's house. She says she doesn't have enough gas to come out here, and then go home.

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't get it, no gas stations where you live??

[Chairman Wood]

You made a bad play when you called her a bitch. Also, here is a simple solution: learn to lie to your girlfriend.

[RunDownHouse]

If she's incapable of thinking about things in a logical, sympathetic fashion, the OP is better off without her in any case. Are her feeling hurt? Maybe. Should they be? No. Should she realize this? Undoubtedly.

He [censored] things up by calling her a bitch, though.

[FishNChips]

always fun to see 2 pages of posts ... so much to comment on:

to the OP:
1 - calling her a bitch and hanging up is the ONLY thing that you were out ofline on. You are young and will learn all the other advanced plays as you mature (word of warning -- inviting her can backfire "yeah, I'll go sounds like fun." 30 minutes after arriving "this blows, lets go." just be careful with that invite).
2 - she is WAY out of line - "do you want to drive 40minutes out of your way to fall asleep next to me at 10pm?" are you kidding me! My wife wouldn't pull that crap. She's going to need to mature as well.
3 - Call her at the earliest convenient time and apologize for calling her a bitch. Needs to be done. Be a man.

BigSteve :
a - thought you were gone? too bad
b - you're going to try and tell me that the homosexual community isn't full of guys that pull [censored] like this? Try again. I spend enough time eating at restuarants frequented by the gay crowd to know that man-bitches can be as bad or worse than bitches with actual pussies. sell that [censored] somehwere else.

Chairman Wood:
lie to your girlfriend .. that kinda goes out of style when you get out of high school. but good luck with that.

FishNChips