My toughest Poker Opponent

Hello to all


I have a problem with my game as of late that is worse than any leak I've ever seen before. Being a constant lurker, for the past couple years it took something of this magnitude to actually get me to post in an effort to glean some wisdom from the wisest.


A little background...


I started playing poker with a group of friends in high school. Had a good feel for the game, always did well. A few years ago I entered my first public card room and learned that my friends in high school were the 6 worst players in the world and I was the 7th. But having a love for the game I sought out the tools I needed to get back up on the game. Enter 2+2 and the regular posters here... I don't think I can calculate what I owe to that group although I'm sure one of you more mathmatically inclined fellas could give me a formula. Anyway with your help and some serious hours at the felt I turned the game around. Since I started keeping records about 3 years ago I'm averaging a little less than 1 SB an hour... certainly room for improvement, but considering that's on a continual upswing over the past 2500 hours or so I'm not unhappy.


7 months ago... enter 5'8'' of curves, blue eyes, and a great laugh. Now I'm in trouble. Here's the thing, though perfect in every other way, the girlfriend refuses to believe that anyone, ANYONE, can win money playing poker. I've tried to explain that you play against other players not the house, I've explained pot odds and flipping a coin 1000 times, pointed out passages and formulas from 2+2 publications,and even showed my records (which I show to no one), and more all to no avail. The thing is she worries about me. Last week she found a wad of hundreds rapped in a rubber band on the desk (I had gotten a lucky rush at a 10-20 game and came out $700 winners in about four hours) and she actually cried. Well damn it that's not fair, call the floor.


So that's the deal... any suggestions from the wise? I'd like to have the game and the girl, but if it has to be one or the other I think the odds bet is with her... but I'd really miss my lurking... well and those hundreds.


Anyone else been in a similar situation? Any Ideas?


MJBs

lol..lucky at cards,,not lucky at love..ya gotta choose...jmho..gl

Don't throw what could be the love of your life away for a game, it just is not worth ir. See if you can work out an arrangement where you can play every other Sunday afternoon or something with your own money that you set aside. Don't push the issue, trust me. Otherwise, you'll have regrets forever wondering what could have been. Playing poker frequently in cardrooms doesn't mix with a stable family life...jmho.


Jeff

I had the exact same problem with my wife. I showed her my records and the cash, but she was convinced that I was going to gamble away the house. This made no sense to me. She knew how conservative and tight I am with money. It took me years to realize that what she really objected to was me disappearing for hours to poker. Unfortunately, some women don't always say what they really mean. She now acknowledges that I won't lose the house, but she still objects to not getting 100% of my attention. I'm not sure, but after 18 years that might be a good thing!

very good points..gl

How can you be willing to commit a substantial amount of your time to a person who is not rational? What part of "I make $10 per hour playing poker" does she not understand? It's pretty simple. It's not a complex idea you're trying to convey. "I win money playing poker". It's like saying, "I take the 880 to work" or "My parents are from Nairobi". Very simple concepts, anyone should be able to understand them.


Seriously, anyone who finds $700 in your desk and then cries about it is borderline nuts and you should probably look elsewhere. By the way, what was she doing going through your desk anyway?


Trust me, this is not the only thing you're going to ever tell her that she just refuses to believe.


natedogg

He did say "on" the desk, not in the desk. And it could be her desk, he didn't specify. :-)


Many people are rational about lots of things but not about everything. Hell, I consider myself a pretty rational person and I didn't sleep the night my Yankees lost the World Series in the 9th inning. And since probably 90% (or more?) of people who gamble are losers, I'm not sure how irrational his girlfriend's attitude really is.


My suggestion is to ask her to set aside a certain time period, once a week or whatever, for him to go play, with a maximum loss per session. Even suggest she come watch him play. She should do this for 5 sessions or so. If she's still not convinced he will not be losing his entire paycheck or possessed by the demons, then he should decide if she's worth giving up poker or if poker is worth giving up her.


All things being equal, I'd give up poker.

Well if NOTHING, and I mean nothing works, you've got to go with the girl. In my opinion, the thing that makes life great is our relationships with others (including family and friends), and why give up a great relationship for a game?


If you have to give it up, figure out what it is that you love about poker, you can find it elsewhere.


But, don't give up on poker too quickly. The key is finding out what her major objection to your playing is. Is it truly a concern that you will lose all of your money? Does she fear that you will become addicted to it and not have time for friends and family in the future, regardless of results? It is really important to try and figure out what it is that she has a problem with. This may be difficult to figure out since she may not even know yet (like Rodney who found out the issue was attention and time).


Once you figure out what her problem with your playing is you can solve it much more easily. You have to make sure you really know what she's concerned with. Is it truly the money or something else (don't take her first response as the pure truth either). You can find out through some good communication (and it will take some serious discussion), and remember not to get confrontational or accusatory, that just makes others close up and become defensive.


If it is truly the thought that no one can win. This can easily be explained. I won't go into this now though.


If it is an issue of attention, then you need to work that out as it will be an issue in your relationship going forward anyway. you'll always have things you want to do without her (you can't spend 100% of your time and energy with any one person).


If it is a fear that gambling will consume you (maybe because she's seen a vice consume someone else in her life) then you need to work past that issue.


anyway, once you identify the cause, you can solve it much more easily. Feel free to email me if you have any questions about this or you want any other advice on this going forward, including how to explain that there can be winning players.


Rob

Well the first thing I would do is establish a "bankroll" and keep it either in a box or on deposit at the casino so she won't be finding your money (it won't be long before she moves from crying to deciding how to spend your poker wealth). As others have said you need to find out what her true objection is; there really are a lot of people out there that just don't believe it is possible to win money gambling that you "have to lose" if you are gambling. Besides keeping records to show you are winning you need to keep your playing bankroll separate from your other money; if you win 1k a month for 10 months, but spend it along the way and then run bad and lose your original stake (going busted) you will hear "I told you so" even if you are still ahead of the game on paper (but spent the winnings). Best of luck.


Randy Refeld

Go for the girl and forget poker. Love is worth more than any card game. Never choose cards over a loved one. Take the high road. Be a stand up guy and don't make her cry.


SPM,...on my third wife, I love poker... :-)

but play poker every day...a royal flush is a poker hand, but a wife is just a dame...gl

Odds are that you will lose her to cards.

If you have to ask, she isn't "the one".


When you meet "the one", you won't be thinking about chips, cards, or 2+2. You'll be thinking about her.


If she isn't "the one", don't give up parts of your life you love for her. If she is "the one", you won't be asking questions about whether you should choose a game or her.

Logically speaking, I think you have to pick the girl. 1SB/hr prostitues will be no substitute (plus you proabably can't get them too cook).


Now if you were making 1BB...


Kidding, of course...


If you love her, and you think you have to give this up, then I guess you'd better do it. If she is like this with any of your other hobbies, however, I would be worried. Crying because you had money seems unreasonable; you have to be careful that this doesn't start happening when you try to go fishing on a Sunday or something. She may have something in her family background that makes her opposed to gambling, so you have to give a little leeway. If she doesn't listen/believe you when you talk about something, however, you should really think about your future. If this is the only thing, fine, but it could start to be everything, so be careful.

I'm in a similar situation, although not nearly to the same degree as you seem to be. My girlfriend has concerns about me gambling, worrying about me possibly losing lots of money. She worries about me playing poker online, feeling that, since you're not playing with real money in front of you, it's too easy to sit there and click you're money away. I've explained to her that I play conservatively, both in terms of the hands I play as well as the money I wager. It's not so much a matter of convincing her that I'm a winner and will continue to be for the future. It's more about convincing her that I know enough to not lose it all. Does that make any sense? The most important thing, though, is not whether you can convince her that you are a winner and that you aren't going to lose the house, but whether you can convince her that playing the game is important to you. It's not your life (it's not, is it?), but it is something you enjoy doing. I think if she understands that, and if she truly loves you, she will be able to find a way to accept your playing poker.


Matt

Thanks to all for responding, I appreciate the insights. At this point I really don't think it's the game or the girl... although if it were I think the girl obviously wins. She would never ask me to give up something I enjoy, she just worries. Hopefully I can find a way to explain why poker is in fact a beatable game. From her point of view, I'm on a lucky streak that's going to lead to a downfall (BTW I left the cash sitting out next to a stong box I keep my poker money in... she wasn't snooping, if she were she would have come across those videos that would probably get me in way more trouble.)


To Rob Papp, I believe you posted that you had successfully explained why poker is beatable in a similar situation? I didn't see your email in the post, but if you have a moment to fill me in I'm at mbruzzese@bluechipadv.com.


Thanks Again to All

Good Luck at the Tables


MJBs

My wife had the same problem with me playing. I taught her how to play. I taught her how to win. I have won a bunch and bought stuff for the house, and continue to win. That worked for me.


Good Luck,


David

I haven't read the other posts but maybe you should make her read Theory of Poker- that might change her mind. Also if you think this chick is marriage material then dump poker. Worhtwhile relationships are much more important- unless you wanna be a pro of course, but if you don't want to then forget about cards for a few years then start playing again later!

after you give up poker it will be something else. she may not be the one for you. anyone that makes you give up something you like for their own reasons is going to just bring more problems down the road. unless you are very ugly there are plenty of fish in the sea. move on.

He's a compulsive gambler. The woman would be wise to dump him.