Would you want to know? A sad, no fun thread.

[Patrick del Poker Grande]

Alright, this is OOT, so maybe I'm being a little out of line with this, but please no smart-ass joking around with this one. I don't want to see it. I'm not looking for sympathy or anything, just no dicking around. Maybe that'll make this thread boring and it'll just fall off the first page.

I have a second cousin who just died last Saturday. At first, they thought it was an infection from a dry socket after having his wisdom teeth removed a week or so before. His family just found out yesterday that he actually died of some rare form of Leukemia and that's what actually caused the infection. Apparently, the symptoms are an aching jaw and bad headaches, which prompted the doctor to think he needed his wisdom teeth removed when he complained that he was tired and had toothaches and headaches. Anyway, I guess he didn't have very long to live, regardless.

This brings me to the point. It's old and probably been talked about before, but I made the comment to my mom just now that maybe it's better that he/they didn't know about it. That way, you just live your life and aren't all caught up in dying. The flip side of this is that there are some things that I'd want to take care of and make sure I spend time with my loved ones. He was a young guy and was engaged to be married soon, besides everything else.

Would you want to know if you had X amount of time left to live? Two weeks? Six months? A couple years? I'm not sure if I'd want to know or not. I'd be tempted to say I'd just want to spend time with my wife and close family, but I also wouldn't want to burden them with that and just make for a year or whatever lost to sadness for everybody. Some might say they'd travel the world or go skydiving or whatever crap it is they've always wanted to do, but I don't know that I care to do all that kind of stuff.

[kipin]

Sorry about your loss.

I think I'd want to just live my life not knowing when I am going to die.

[SossMan]

Sorry to hear that, man.


As for the question, I would want to know.

[meep_42]

I'd absolutely want to know, since I wouldn't want to spend my last 2-6 months at my shitty job.

And I have little experience thinking about this recently.

-d

[asofel]

Sorry to hear that man.....

I think I would want to know, just because I wouldn't do the same things in the 2 weeks or whatever I'd have left. I may not tell people till the last moment or whatever though....

[TheMainEvent]

It could go one of two ways. Some people might just be miserable knowing they are going to die. Some people might come to grips with their own mortality and do everything they always wanted to do.

Personally, I think most would be happier not knowing.

Not only would I would want to know, I think I have a responsibility to know, so at least I could try to catch the disease early and extend my life as much as possible, for the benefit of my wife and kids.

My good friend's husband (38) died suddenly of a heart attack the other night. He had not gone to the doctor for 8 years. The autopsy revealed that his heart was twice the size of a normal heart.

Would a check-up have found this out? They don't know. But he had a wife (my friend) and 2 small kids. In retrospect, I think he owed it to them (particularly his kids) to do whatever he reasonably could to keep himself in decent health.

Being in a similar position, the idea of burying my head in the sand and not knowing about anything until it strikes me dead is, in my opinion (since you asked), irresponsible.

[Benal]

[ QUOTE ]
Would you want to know if you had X amount of time left to live?

[/ QUOTE ]

Tough question, but I think I'd rather know.

[mslif]

I would want to know. I would want to make sure I spend time with the people I love and live what I have left of my life to the fullest.

I am very sorry to hear about your loss.

[scottv]

Well if I knew I only had a short time, I'd sure stop putting anything in my 401k and spend more money on dumb things. If it was down to a few weeks, I'd hate to be at work instead of with the people I love.

[Jazza]

yah, i'd want to know, i think

however, if some one offered to tell me the date of the last time i will ever have sex, i would not want to know

[[censored]]

I would want to know but not my loved ones.

Patrick I'm sorry for your loss.

[jokerthief]

I'm sorry for your loss. I recently lost a cousin as well and know how horribly surreal it can be. My only tangible advice is, when visiting with your aunt and uncle, don't be afraid of saying the wrong thing. Your presence is all that is required.

To answer your question, I don't really think it's possible to be certain of this question unless one knew that they had little time. Then it would be too late to prefer ignorance. But my feeling is that it wouldn't really matter either way. Both circumstances would have their relative advantage. I am somewhat inclined to the viewpoint that whether we know or not, whichever it is, is for the best.

I wish for you whatever serenity you can find.

[lucas9000]

i would definitely want to know, so i could make the most of the time. while it is nice to think you should live every day like it's your last, that just isn't feasible. who would ever work? bottom line: i'd definitely like to know.

however, if someone is the type who would just spend those last days feeling sorry for themself (i am NOT saying your relative was this type, just posing a hypothetical) then they're probably better off not knowing.

[WEASEL45]

sorry for your loss.

i would definitely not want to know

[MrTrik]

Nope, I'd rather just drop dead at some point. Sorry to hear of your bad news.

[SCfuji]

one year. i would go travel like crazy.

[Shajen]

Yeah, I'd want to know. I'd also have a responsibility I think to tell the people that are close to me. It would be weird if you didn't. Gotta let them prepare too. Then I'd take out a HUGE Life insurance policy.

Sorry man, life sucks sometimes.

[BOTW]

I'm very sorry to hear about that. Being me, I tend to rationalize things rather than experience them. If you felt like your Mom didn't understand your ideas, I understand. It is ok to be sad and angry as hell, too.

Per your question, the fact is, we don't know. I think it is great that we don't. It makes me tell those I love that I love them. It forces me appreciate every moment, even the sad or painful ones. It helps me to try to be the best person I can be, knowing that every word I say or thing I do might be the last thing this earth sees from me.

I try to take "snapshots" in my head of seemingly mundane moments that make my life special. (Some I took today included a smile from a friend when we saw each other again, my other friend's one year old playing in a tobacco spit puddle at the ballpark, the 3rd baseman's great leaping catch on a linedrive, Renae's awkward, embarrased laugh at my lewd joke...the list goes on... Unfortunately, over time, I'll lose most, if not all, of these memories.)

Take the time now and spend it with your loved ones and doing the things you love. Of course, there will always be missed opportunities, and we all have responsibilities that make it difficult or impossible to do the things we want to. Don't regret those, but make the most of what you have and what you can do.

I'm sure you, your family and his friends have great snapshots of him. Share them! Enjoy, and love and hate them! Do not pay a "last tribute" to his life, but carry with you his memory.

[plaster8]

I'm sorry to hear about your second cousin, Patrick. That's awful.

As to the question, I would definitely want to know, so I could at least make arrangements to see my family and friends more often during the limited time I had left. I think after the initial shock, I'd be able to make it more about having fun with everyone instead of just moping around.

But I don't live in the same metro area as my parents and many of my friends, and with work and other commitments, I don't see them as often as I'd like. I think it would be sad if, say, I was going to die in 3 months but didn't know it, and only made one trip to see my family in that time.

[Justin A]

I'd want to know but I wouldn't want my family to know.

[SmileyEH]

I wouldn't want to know. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

-SmileyEH

[ChipWrecked]

[ QUOTE ]
I'd want to know but I wouldn't want my family to know.

[/ QUOTE ]

My father keeled over one morning when I was 19 and off at college. Both the grandparents that I knew and an uncle went the same way. One minute here, next minute, gone.

I think this is the best way to go, but I can tell you it's a hell of a rude shock to the family, as I'm sure Patrick can confirm.

In a best-case scenario, I'd like to know long enough to say some good-byes and give my loved ones a little prep time. Of course, I wouldn't want to linger around withering and/or suffering.

My wife's stepfather is dying right now from heart disease and brain cancer. This is a man who was a very powerful TV executive in his day. You wouldn't know his name but you have watched programming on a station of which he was president.

The reason I mention that is because he will not allow any of the children (my wife and her sibs) to come see him before he goes. That is tearing my wife apart; making our home a pretty sad place these days. My theory is that he doesn't want them to see how far he's fallen from the glory days of his power. I think that sucks, and makes him a small man in the end. I hate the fact that I wish he would hurry up and get it over with. But I do, every day.

Live like you're dying; ride it like you stole it.

[ddollevoet]

[ QUOTE ]
I'd want to know but I wouldn't want my family to know.

[/ QUOTE ]

[jakethebake]

Condolences to you and your family, Patrick.

This is an interesting and relates to recent events in my own family. My father-in-law found out he had cancer. My wife immediately took the kids back to Texas so they all could spend as much time as possible with him before his surgery.

My mom thought this was very odd. She didn’t get it at all. She said if it were she, she really would rather not have a lot of people around. She said if she dies then she dies and that she feels like it’s important to spend as much time as possible with friends and family all the time so you have no regrets rather than try to make up for lost time at the end. I guess I see both sides of it.

For myself, I’d rather know. For a family member, i don't know. I think it depends on who it is. You expect your parents to die so you're somewhat prepared. But what if it was a child? Would you want to know? I'm not sure I could handle it at all. Anyway, it looks like the father-in-law will be o.k

[AustinDoug]

I watched my best friend fight leukemia for 18 months before it finally won. Even having gone through that, I would still want to know. I hate the idea of dieing without being able to talk to my wife and children.

[TheWorstPlayer]

Yes, I would want to know. But only if it were a disease, I think. I mean, if I'm going to die by getting hit by a bus, I don't think I would want to know in advance because it would make me paranoid and wouldn't really be explainable to friends and family. But if I had a terminal illness that was completely incurable, I would want to know so that I could have closure with friends and family.

[turnipmonster]

I would want to know, because it would be easier on the people I love. a friend of mine's father had a terminal illness and I think knowing that, and being able to prepare for it made it easier on the family.

sorry for your loss.

--turnipmonster