dating on your level.

[gorie]

inspired by this post (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showflat.php?Cat=&Board=exchange&Number=2804775&Fo rum=,All_Forums,&Words=&Searchpage=0&Limit=25&Main =2802888&Search=true&where=&Name=6510&daterange=&n ewerval=&newertype=&olderval=&oldertype=&bodyprev= #Post2804775).

how important do you think a matching (perception of) "cuteness level" matters when starting a relationship?

it's weird to think about dating someone who thought they were really attractive, but thought i was only average. i can't imagine this not showing through in the relationship, even if they liked me a lot for other reasons. it seems like it would be quite unhealthy to me ? even if it's true to others outside of the relationship, the fact that the person in the relationship perceives it that way themselves, makes a difference to me.

do you think a lot of people feel they are more attractive than their partners ? and it's just a healthy normal thought ? it probably is quite common to feel more attractive than the person you're with, it just got me thinking.

maybe it is because i have a low self esteem as it is and think this would only make it worse, but i can't imagine being in a situation like this doing anyone any good. /images/graemlins/smile.gif yeah it would be great dating someone who is really attractive, but if they didn't see me as being really attractive too, that messes it up for me.

i think it would be ideal to think the person you are with is more attractive than you or equal, than to see yourself as being more attractive.

i can see people becoming less attracted to their partners as time passes and still being in love, but the idea of starting a relationship this way seems a little odd to me.

hmm. just curious what people think, and how you think this affects a relationship.

[IndieMatty]

Starting? Of course there's a point to it. After a while (and as you get older) and people start to smarten up...

It don't mean shite.

[Pocket Trips]

any relationship that relies that heavily on physical atrtraction is pretty much doomed from the start anyways

[Luv2DriveTT]

I date below my own level quite often, as long as she has a brain. Only probloem is the brain usually dies the moment sex begins. Sad...

TT

[kerssens]

I don't think I'm more attractive than anyone I've dated. I can't say that for sure though because after spending a lot of time with someone I can see things in them that change the way I perceive them and it becomes impossible to objectively rate them.

[mason55]

As is this answer to most questions involving relationships, this one can easily be solved by The Ladder Theory (http://www.laddertheory.com)

[Blarg]

I think this is ego, and most women want to think they're the most attractive one in the relationship.

I've seen it said that it's always implicitly understood which one in a relationship is most "desirable," whatever that's supposed to mean. A gentleman always pretends it's the lady, whether he believes it or not.

Partly because of the unholy fear that low self esteem always threatens women with. It seems that even the most arrogantly egotistical is one straw that broke the camel's back away from despair over not being as pretty as she thinks she should be or as she wants her friends and lovers to think she is. The neediness and insecurity can be positively choking sometimes. So a gentleman tries to make sure the issue doesn't rear its ugly head by letting it be assumed his lady is always at least as desirable on the market as he is, if not more so.

Paradoxically, if a woman doesn't think her man is worth a bit of struggle for and has other options besides her, the relationship often deterioriates for the man or the woman or both, or even ends.

Since human ego and emotion are generally a tangled, barely comprehensible mess even to oneself, sometimes we engage in foolish or unkind games to try to establish or confirm some kind of dominance or superiority even versus those we love the most. It generally pays to let the woman win this one, even if neither one of you believe it. It's the least a fellow can do.

[Blarg]

[ QUOTE ]
I date below my own level quite often, as long as she has a brain. Only probloem is the brain usually dies the moment sex begins. Sad...

TT

[/ QUOTE ]

What do you want to do, translate Sanskrit together while you're popping her pooper?

[mason55]

/images/graemlins/shocked.gif

That is the most articulate, correct, and well thought out post I think I have ever seen in OOT.

Edit: Post number 2 kind of killed the moment.

[Blarg]

I like contrasts, what can I say.

Kind of like a cook using some acid to cut the sweetness.

[J_V]

The matching hypothesis holds true for the most part. It's much easier to date above your level as a guy since women rely less on looks to pick their partner than males do.

With rare exceptions, you can't date to far above your level unless you are a male with extreme, money, power, charisma. Sadly, a not so good looking female can rarely date a man that is in the upper eschelon, if ever.

[Michael Davis]

"any relationship that relies that heavily on physical atrtraction is pretty much doomed from the start anyways"

Not really. "Love" isn't exactly rational, so if you are attracted to someone you can build up all kinds of truths about him.

-Michael

[vulturesrow]

If I wasnt willing to date below my level, I never wouldve dated. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[Stuey]

I have a guy friend who is in a wheelchair he is missing an arm and a leg also. He wrongly imo thinks all girls are "above" his level now. /images/graemlins/frown.gif He asked me if I would sleep with a girl in a wheelchair. I said no, I would lie her on a bed first.

You don't know who will like you or who you will like unless you take time to get to know the person. Or just sleep with them if it is good sex that will make up for everything else. /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[mslif]

Who cares about who's prettier or smarter! If you are with someone you have chemistry with then it should not matter. I think chemistry between 2 people is more important than any "level" you might be!