Funniest Thing Said/Typed Online In Awhile

[grandgnu]

I'm sitting at the final table of a 1K guaranteed tourney on Empire (90 players, $20 entry fee)

Short-stacked/good-natured player says to maniac/donk monster-stack:

"Hey xxxx, Let me drive those chips before you hurt yourself"

I had played with the maniac/donk right away in the tourney and he was just catching some amazingly lucky hands with crap that he went in with, it was unreal. Still at the final table, so can't really tell you how it all turns out. Down to 9 players and I'm 4th largest stack at the moment.

[illunious]

i love play pokah

[MS Sunshine]

For about the 100th time a railbird in the $2000 max buyin NLH asks "What's "No DP" mean?"

The quick reply is "Ask your g/f she knows"

MS Sunshine

[Theodore Donald Kiravatsos]

A guy who probably not (primarily) English-speaking, and probably new to poker sat in a limit game. I think he thought he was either in a SNG or a tournament. This was like a month ago...

<font color="blue"> Guy: Could someone please tell me how the game ends?</font>

<font color="red"> Wiseguy: I can tell you right now. The game will end Pistons 90, Heat 87.</font>

<font color="blue"> Guy: But do I lost all my chips if I leave the table?</font>

a minute passes...

<font color="blue"> Guy: Please, do I lost all my chips if I get up? </font>

<font color="red"> Wiseguy: No, that happens only if you stay.</font>


"Your excuses are your own" -- Richard Roma

[Bv3]

"I've had over 4 pocket pairs and still haven't made a set."

[grandgnu]

[ QUOTE ]
"I've had over 4 pocket pairs and still haven't made a set."

[/ QUOTE ]

Heh heh, reminds me of this 18-year old kid I had at my home game. He complained when he busted out because he was a "favorite" to win the hand (53% to 47%)

[2+2 wannabe]

"wtf are you doing dumbass - you played those 10s like it was the nuts" when i raised pf and bet all streets on an undercard board

[Freudian]

"KQs vs 66 is not a coinflip"

[Matty]

at a 6-max table:

lawmaker333: why does the table raise b 4 the flop
lawmaker333: stupid XXXXs

[siccjay]

I just heard...

Stupid raising KQoff.

[MrX]

player B is a total calling station who has gotten a couple of miracle rivers the last few hands.

<font color="blue"> </font>
Player A: nh, but I would really call support now if I were you
<font color="red"> </font>
Player B: why should I call support?

Player A: to let them know your fold button is broken <font color="blue"> </font>

[boondockst]

[ QUOTE ]
For about the 100th time a railbird in the $2000 max buyin NLH asks "What's "No DP" mean?"

The quick reply is "Ask your g/f she knows"

MS Sunshine

[/ QUOTE ]

Congratulations...You are my hero as this is the ONLY funny thing in this thread. And pretty much in the 60 page long "funny lines spoken live" thread as well.

[skoal2k4]

[ QUOTE ]
player B is a total calling station who has gotten a couple of miracle rivers the last few hands.

<font color="blue"> </font>
Player A: nh, but I would really call support now if I were you
<font color="red"> </font>
Player B: why should I call support?

Player A: to let them know your fold button is broken <font color="blue"> </font>

[/ QUOTE ]

lol

[r2b2]

/images/graemlins/laugh.gif /images/graemlins/laugh.gif

[Vavavoom]

I had AJs....raise preflop and got 1 caller...some complete maniac player...

Flop was A 8 3 r......

I bet, get re-raised all-in and I call.......

He tables 83s.....

Turn 4

River J.....

He then proceeds to berate me for being a complete "Insert Expletive"...for approx 1-2 mins......

My reply, proceeded to have him lose it completely....

"Erm, don't know why you are moaning...I was ahead the whole time..."

Made some of the table chuckle and he said "are you being serious"

To which I replied.....

"Duh.....everyone knows a pair of aces is the best hand".....I was laughing my head off when i sent that back....

He went on ridiculous tilt after this......

CLASSIC......I wish I could have seen this guys faces as my message came on his screen.....