This is tough to write

[slavic]

http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b152/slavic1895/40.jpg

I lost my 3 year old son. He was injured a week ago Monday and died in my arms two days later, there is no personal hell worse than the impotence I felt watching him fight and fail in the hospital. All my knowledge, all my faith, all my will could not help, now I’m here with my memories. Austin along with his sisters focused my life, it is an odd phenomenon that men start life so selfish and end it so humbled by their devotion to others. My children transformed me into a better person than I could have ever reached on my own. They are my most precious things, and I would do anything to protect every last hair that lies on their heads. So as you can imagine my grief has been massive. My first thoughts were to quit and run home, yes my wife had the same first idea too, I find it funny as an adult I want to go run home to momma but there it is. This however is the quitter’s option and I have too much to do to just quit on life.

Our family is going through counseling for our loss, however there are things that are now approaching me in my poker life that I’m uncertain of. I have derived a significant portion of my income over the last 2.5 years from poker and my only income from poker over the last 18 months. I have become very use to the routines, the swings, and the grind of daily play. I won’t say it’s always enjoyable but it has been better than many other jobs I have held in the past. Now for the first time since I began playing many years ago I’m scared to sit at a table, and there are no counselors who know. I have always had a natural emotional detachment that I just can’t muster right now and I don’t know how to get it back. When I sit and assume that “state” the guilt of not being in torment is worse than the torment itself.

I fear my poker playing days may have come to an end. So far I have canceled my trip to the WSOP, it just doesn’t hold any draw for me right now, I’ll try dropping stakes way down and just playing and I’ll continue on with the local counselors. I have no idea when I will see many of you next, I am very thankful for the help that two plus two has imparted to me, but unfortunately I haven’t found the book that can cure this ill.

[bugstud]

/images/graemlins/frown.gif

[trying2learn]

time, family, and friends are the only cure.

my deepest condolences to you and yours.

[Clarkmeister]

Good luck and stay strong.

[MMMMMM]

I am very sorry to hear that.

Time will eventually blunt the sharp edges of the pain but some wounds never really heal.

You may be better off not playing for a few months, or playing a lower limit. It sounds like you are able to look at yourself objectively in this scenario, which is good.

Best wishes, really, even though perhaps we never met.

[Lalit Khajuria]

I have a clue how you feel, I lost my 8 years younger little sister because of [censored] drunk driver when she was 9.

At age of 17 I prolly didin't realize fully everything, but even then it hurted like hell. And it hurted more to see how my parrent suffered, you said you have other kid also so try not to worrie her too much.
At least what impact it made to me, is that I have never been drunk and never will.

Also it's good you have allready got some help, but offcourse nothing replaces your loss never.

All the best in future.

Lalit.

[youtalkfunny]

Man, I am so sorry to hear that. Just as there aren't any words to describe what you're feeling, the same goes for us--there just aren't any words to describe how horrible we feel for you.

As for how to set aside your grief and focus on work: I'm sorry, but the only people who can answer that are people who have also lost children. Maybe the counselors can hook you up with a support group.

Life goes on. I know that seems impossible to fathom at this moment. But you've got a family to support. You need to get back on the horse FOR THEM. Austin wouldn't want his siblings to starve.

(If you've got the dough to take a few weeks off, then go ahead. But almost none of us can afford that, so I assume that you can't, either.)

[Ulysses]

[ QUOTE ]
My first thoughts were to quit and run home, yes my wife had the same first idea too, I find it funny as an adult I want to go run home to momma but there it is. This however is the quitter’s option and I have too much to do to just quit on life.

[/ QUOTE ]

slavic, I hope it helped you in some small way to write this message. But when I read sentences like the one above, I can't help but feel that you still have a very long way to go before you can even start to deal with this tragedy. Going home where you can have some support and unconditional love is not a move of a quitter. If that's what you need to do right now, go home for a while. You can definitely do that without quitting on life.


[ QUOTE ]
Now for the first time since I began playing many years ago I’m scared to sit at a table, and there are no counselors who know. I have always had a natural emotional detachment that I just can’t muster right now and I don’t know how to get it back.

[/ QUOTE ]

Again, slavic, those sound like words coming from someone whose world has been thrown upside down. This doesn't surprise me at all. I can't imagine how I could function in your position, much less focus and function at the table.


[ QUOTE ]
unfortunately I haven’t found the book that can cure this ill.

[/ QUOTE ]

If only it were that easy. There are few losses as great as this and the pain is obviously of a similar magnitude.

I'm glad to hear you are getting counseling. Don't hesitate to lean on your family even more than you are doing now. While there's nothing to make things better, I hope that in time you are able to focus more on your memories than the loss. These of course are probably pretty hollow words right now, but it sounds like you have some other great children as well, so hopefully you can all get through this together.

Peace.

[nycplayer]

My deepest condolences.
I can't begin to imagine your grief.
I wish you the best luck, and hope you find the strength to pull through.

[La Brujita]

My thoughts are with you and I wish the best for your family.

[LittleOldLady]

Slavic, my heart goes out to you. I do not think that there is any pain greater than the loss of a child. Do whatever you think will best help you and your family cope with this situation, and do not judge yourself or let anyone else judge you. If what is best is to go home, then do just that. It is not quitting on life; it is a way of enabling yourself and your family to live on.

My deepest sympathies......

[Bluffoon]

Im sorry.

[surfdoc]

In my line of work I see this type of thing way too often. There is very little that can be said to ease pain of this magnitude. I think El Diablo is right though. This is a time when you must call on all available resources. Call for help from friends, family and most importantly a qualified professional. I have 2 kids this age and feel like crying just imagining anything happening to them. My condolences to you and your family.

[razor]

I'm saddened to hear this, best wishes.

[BigBaitsim (milo)]

My heart truly goes out to you today, in a way that I cannot fully express here. Go to counseling, lean on friends and family. Take some time off. Grieve.

-Milo

[DireWolf]

i am so sorry for you. I can not even begin to imagine how hard this would be. my thoughts go out to you and your family.

[fsuplayer]

sorry to hear this slavic.

first your surgery and now this. jeez. my condonlences.

stay strong.

[vulturesrow]

Words on a message board are a small condolence, but let me offer my deepest sympathies. I have 3 children of my own and just the thought of that happening is enough to greatly upset me. I dont know if you are a religious person, but I will pray for you and your family. I wish there were more I could do.

Post deleted by Mat Sklansky

Take some time off and do what? Mope? That sounds healthy!

[vulturesrow]

Moderator(s) notified In a moment you will be automatically returned to the forum.

[Ed Miller]

Good luck, man. I wish you the absolute best for the future.

[Offsprung]

That's just horrible. I'm so sorry. Stay strong.

[-Skeme-]

[censored] you.

[JTrout]

Slavic, I am very sorry for your loss.

[tubalkain]

[censored] off, you [censored] [censored] excuse for a [censored] [censored] pathetic [censored].

[Luv2DriveTT]

Slavic:

Always remember that the routine things in life that you used to do cannot be ignored... do not let yourself stop living when your beloved child passes away. Grieving is very important, but so is progress. I am happy to see you are seeing a counselor, its an important first step into healing yourself and your family.

I've never met you or your son, but his picture will stay with me always. Thank you for sharing his image in this very tough time of your life.

As for poker... if it was a part of your every day routine, then find a way to bring it back into your life at your own pace. Children adapt very well to routines, your son would not have wanted you to change.

My heart goes out to you and your family...

TT /images/graemlins/club.gif

[Lottery Larry]

Oh [censored]. I feel your pain.

Only time can heal that kind of massive scar. You'll be wasting your money and focus playing poker right now, regardless of the limit... and I doubt you'll feel good about it, or feel as if it's a break from the pain. I'm amazed you could even sit at a table- I'm sure I couldn't

If you can, take at least the rest of the year off (make it January also- the holiday is going to be its own special hell, sorry to say) and then see if you miss it. DON'T link poker and your son's death- they aren't connected in any way.

EDIT- Maybe a regular job short-term, to cover the family expenses? I just reread the part about it being your sole income. You can't play scared or lower limits, you'll just throw more money down the hole. That will just compound your problems.

Horrible beat. My best to you and your family, hopefully you can fight through this. This sounds tacky to type, but I'm sure Austin would have been upset that you all were unhappy.

Good luck.

[Lottery Larry]

What do you know about being a man?

You're an idiot. Go away.

[VBM]

what a handsome little boy.

not sure what to say, slavic, besides i hope & pray you & your family heal.

[Ianco15]

I am very sorry to hear this. No one wants to outlive their children. It is a very sad day when it happens.

[gonores]

[ QUOTE ]
Be a man.

[/ QUOTE ]

Says the guy who had to hide behind a new account to deliver this depraved message.

[gonores]

Slavic,

My condolences go out to you and yours. Just remember that everything happens for a reason, and that your son will live on through you and your family, whose lives were clearly touched deeply during his time with you.

Please be sure to alert us if a memorial is started in your son's name. I'm sure there are many people on 2+2 who would love to help in any way we could.

[Tron]

Best of luck to you and your family. You have my condolences.

[potato]

I can't even imagine what you are going through right now but my thoughts are with you and your family. Good luck and stay up.

[ggbman]

[ QUOTE ]
I can't even imagine what you are going through right now but my thoughts are with you and your family. Good luck and stay up.

[/ QUOTE ]

First let me say how sorry i am for your loss. Spend time with the ones you love and keep going to counseling. As for your comments regarding poker, i think anyone with an impartial standpoint can verify that it would abnormal if you DIDN'T have trouble playing right now. Any kind of effort must be difficult let alone something with the uncertainty of poker, so drop down, play less, do whatever is neccesary because that is the least important thing in the world right now.

[Edge34]

Slavic,

There is nothing I can say that hasn't already been said, and nothing that would totally depict how I (along with the rest of this community) feel for you at this moment.

Be loving, be sad, be faithful...you will make it through this with the support of your family. My deepest thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.

Edit add: it always impresses me how a community of poker players on an internet message board can "come together" like this and offer what is surely honest support to someone they may never have met and may never meet in "real life". Gives me a little more faith in humanity. /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[Edge34]

jackcosmo,

I hope you get hit by a bus. And I'm not even kidding.

At the very least, I at least hope you and your other SN (which I'm certain you have) get banned from here permanently.

Rot in hell.

[raisins]

My deepest sympathies for your loss. I hope you and your family have as easy a road through the grief as possible after this tragedy.

I agree with one of the other posters about taking time off from poker, which you seem to be leaning towards as well. Perhaps take another job. As you know poker plays with the emotions quite a bit and resilience is needed. The fear you experience when sitting to play is not fear of poker. Emotions demand an oppportunity to be acknowledged. I know that if I was to suffer a loss approaching that scale I would look to simplify my life and remove stressors until my emotions had settled.

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

raisins

[Freudian]

My deepest condolences. Take care of your family and let them take care of you.

[Mason Malmuth]

Hi Slavic:

We all share your loss. It must be very tough and you have our deepest sympathy.

As for your poker, I think your approach is right. Play smaller and take it slow. There's no reason to charge ahead until you feel you are ready.

Best wishes,
Mason

[Analyst]

You have my deepest sympathy. Take whichever path helps you to recover from this terrible event as best as you can, and don't expect miracles from yourself.

[jakethebake]

Condolences to you and your family. I have a three year-old son myself, and cannot imagine how you feel, but hang in there.

[Myrtle]

I don't think that there are any words that can convey the pure horror of losing a child.

This fear lurks in the deep, dark reccesses of any parents mind.

Not only has your world now changed forever, but also that of your wife, other children and all of your family. Sadly, all of them are now also living in their own little world of tragic sadness.

They are going to need you. Do your best to be there for them. You may find some solace and healing in helping them deal with this.

I want to say good luck, but of course, there is no luck involved in dealing with something like this.

It just is.........do your best.

[Rick Nebiolo]

Slavic,

I'm so sorry to hear of your horrible loss. You have my deepest sympathy.

You probably need to take a little time off from your work now. But if and when you return, be the player you can be and always play your best game in honor of your son and for your family.

Regards,

Rick

[rmarotti]

You'll be in my prayers.

[MaxPower]

I don't know what to say. I never thought I would tear-up while reading a thread on 2+2.

My condolences to you and your entire family.

[PairTheBoard]

My most sincere condolences.

You wrote: "When I sit and assume that “state” the guilt of not being in torment is worse than the torment itself."

Just a thought, but when you find the time is right to return to your livelihood, maybe you could devote a certain portion of your earnings for a while to a Children's Charity in memory of your son. Maybe that would help.

PairTheBoard

[4thstreetpete]

Cute kid, sorry to hear this slavic. I seriously don't know how I would take it if I was in your position. I can't even imagine the pain that you must feel, hopefully I never have to experience it. I think it's definately best to take some time off and get your head clear. My condolences and best wishes..

[Malcom Reynolds]

I'm so sorry...

All the best. Try to take each day at a time.

[Mike Gallo]

My condolences, God bless you and your family.

[IronDragon1]

First of all my most hearfelt condolences.

On a similar note to what pairtheboard said; if you ultimately decide to establish a charity/memorial fund in your son's name please let us know as soon as possible

[Tuco]

I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for posting his picture because it gives all of us a personal connection to your tradgedy.

My 2.5 year old little girl was running around my chair in circles as I read your post. I stopped her and gave her a long hug untill she could stand it no longer. If it's any consolation, I will never take for granted her presence in my life.

Tuco.

[JoeU]

Slavic,

My deepest condolances go out to you and your family. I've had 2 close friends over the past year lose infant children. I can't imagine the pain you are feeling at this time.

Be strong, and I'm sure we will all keep you in our prayers.

Joe

[nothumb]

[ QUOTE ]
Austin along with his sisters focused my life, it is an odd phenomenon that men start life so selfish and end it so humbled by their devotion to others. My children transformed me into a better person than I could have ever reached on my own. They are my most precious things, and I would do anything to protect every last hair that lies on their heads.

[/ QUOTE ]

As someone who has not yet had, but wants children, this struck me as very poignant. You're an insightful dude, slavic, and it sounds like you know yourself pretty well. That's the best thing you've got going for you right now and I hope you can continue to keep your ample wits about you and rebuild your family.

Small consolation, if any, I know. I'm sorry.

NT

[CCx]

im so sorry to hear about your loss /images/graemlins/frown.gif

[The Dude]

Dan,

I'm truly sorry for your loss. I never know what to say in situations like this, other than to say that I truly am sorry.

[Larimani]

Deepest sympathy.

[Losing all]

I'm so sorry man.

Quitting would be so easy, just remember your family needs you now more than ever.

[John Gaspar]

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. Strong will, strong faith (whether religous or not) and strong family will help you get you through this unspeakable tragedy.

My parents lost a 4 year old son (David) to an inoperable brain tumor. I was 5 and they had a newborn daughter 1 week prior to his death. In a sense the newborn was a blessing as they knew they couldn't just shut down and had to try and find ways to cope with their pain and such a devastating loss.

They were best able to cope by celebrating his short life through story telling and pictures. Unfortunately, the pain never fully goes away. I still reminisce with my mother about David (most of my "memories" are from the pictures and stories I heard over the years) and we laugh and cry. It's been 33 years since his death and we are still celebrating his life.

I hope you find ways to celebrate Austin's life and do not be afraid to lean on your friends, family and counselors to help you through such a difficult and life changing time in your life.

Godspeed.

[SuitedSixes]

[ QUOTE ]
it is an odd phenomenon that men start life so selfish and end it so humbled by their devotion to others

[/ QUOTE ]

So sorry for your loss, I colud not even imagine the pain. My prayers are with you and your family.

[Turning Stone Pro]

Slavic:

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. God Bless.

TSP

[Paul2432]

My deepest condolences. As a soon to be dad, this is my biggest fear.

Paul

[MrX]

Slavic, I am so sorry.

Thought and prayers are with you and your family. I have two sons and cannot begin to imagine the grief you must have. I am glad to hear you and your family are getting counseling; I have seen strong families torn apart after a child's death.

btw, nothing wrong with running home to momma with your family.

MrX

[Nelson]

I am very sorry Slavic. The saddest thing I have ever experienced was my brother losing his young daughter. My thougths are with your family.

[djack]

Thanks for writing this post. I'm very sorry.

I lost my nephew at 10 months, and I watched him die in my sister's arms. I remember the impotence, and it was painful. I wasn't one of his parents, but we had an extremely close bond. It's not quite the same, I know, but six years later I still cry regularly.

This is my second time reading your post. Both times it has sent lots of tears running down my cheeks. I miss my nephew.

Whenever he comes up, I appreciate it. I may make others uncomfortable by bawling, but I appreciate the chance to remember him and celebrate his memory. Your post reminded me of him, and for that I thank you.

Y'all will be in my prayers, Slavic.

[scrapperdog]

Wow I am sorry for your loss. As a father of a 4 year old I can only imagine what you must be going through. This is probably the toughest thing a person can go through and we all realize that.

[GreywolfNYC]

My deepest condolences. Stay strong for your family.

[45Player]

Dan

I’m at work but haven’t done a thing since I read your message an hour ago. I’m so very sorry for you and your family. I have 2 small children and I admire you for finding the strength to write this – I don’t think I could. My thoughts are with you.

[DcifrThs]

Slavic,

Your post puts many things in life in perspective. I truly wish you the best in your recovery.

Unfortunately, i have no suggestions past what you've stated and wish i could do something to speed the healing process. The only thing i've learned in my short time on this earth is that time, does indeed, heal all wounds...it does, however, sometimes leave the scar.

as to your approach to poker, you are not the same now and neither is your game. i think you're right to take it slow as you said.

again, my sincere condolences.

take care and i wish you the best in teh future.
Sincerely
Barron

[MicroBob]

"As for your comments regarding poker, i think anyone with an impartial standpoint can verify that it would abnormal if you DIDN'T have trouble playing right now. Any kind of effort must be difficult let alone something with the uncertainty of poker, so drop down, play less, do whatever is neccesary because that is the least important thing in the world right now."


to add to that thought - you might not even feel like going back to poker at all.
Obviously you will need to make an income in there somewhere....but if you can't concentrate very well at the table then you might have to find something else after awhile.
Or perhaps poker will be a way to help as a distraction eventually.


Don't play if you can't concentrate.

If you were playing online then perhaps you should try playing live on occasion (if it's possible where you live).
Sometime being in the company of strangers who don't know of your situation can be quite helpful.

Obviously you don't want to abandon your wife and other child/children though so I'm not sure how viable an option this is either.


I hope the counseling provides some amount of help but I think we all know that you need time....and more time.
You'll make a little progress at some point and it might be so gradual that you won't even realize it.

Whether poker is going to be in your future on the other side of this remains to be seen.
It's okay if you decide poker is no longer for you.


My sincerest condolences and I can't begin to imagine your pain.

[William]

I'm so, but so sorry to read this.I have no words to express the feelings I have for your family right now and I can't even begin to imagine what you must be going thru.

Remember you have other children and they need you as well.

Good luck to you and your family!
William

[bohemian]

I know there is no book that can fix your problems, but one tool that might help you to deal with things is Vernon Howard's "Mystic Path to Cosmic Power". I recommended it before on this forum. I received lot of positive feedback from people who went out and got it. Look for it on Amazon.

[Jeffage]

Slavic,

This is very sad news and I really feel for you reading this. My most sincere condolences...stay strong for your family and take it one day at a time. All the best...

Jeff

[PukaPlaya]

Man.

So sorry for your loss. Sounds like you are doing the right things. Keep talking and don't give up!

[Lawrence Ng]

My deepest sympathies to you and your family Slavic.

Lawrence

[scalf]

is...

i am crying for you..i have 2 children under 4..hey; i do not know if i could handle this..

gl

bless you

/images/graemlins/heart.gif /images/graemlins/heart.gif /images/graemlins/heart.gif

[andyfox]

I've read through your post five times now with tears steaming down my face. Hopefully, you and your wife and daughters will help each other through the hell you must be going through now.

Peace and best wishes to you and your family.

[casinogosain]

My deepest condolences to you and your family - I suspect that I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through.

-Ash

[vulture]

Hi Slavic,

My thoughts are with you and your family. Good luck, stay strong and I hope that you'll put some hope out of all the people that are feeling with you.

Vulture

[bernie]

Wow.

Sorry to read about that. That sucks, man.

It's perfectly normal to take time away when something like this happens. Your brain is obviously in a different place than it needs to be to really play, as I would expect it to be. Mine was when I went through similar stuff.

Eventually, it will come back. But your focus is needed in a different area.

I'll give ya a call and yap with ya.

Again, sorry to hear that.

It sucks when bad sh*t happens to great people. Hang in there. My thoughts are with ya.

b

[daveymck]

I'm Sorry for your terrible loss.

Poker isnt important at this point your wife and child and to yourself have to take priority, try to stay strong for them in this terrible time.

[busguy]

[ QUOTE ]
I don't know what to say. I never thought I would tear-up while reading a thread on 2+2.

My condolences to you and your entire family.

[/ QUOTE ]

Had to cut and paste . . . . as I'm scared to touch the keyboard for too long . . . it appears to be filled with tears . . .

/images/graemlins/frown.gif busguy

[colgin]

I just wanted to express my deepest condolences for your terrible loss. May you find some comfort in the wonderful memories of your cherished one.

Colgin

[Sarge85]

Take Care Slavic,

God Bless

Sarge/images/graemlins/diamond.gif

[Grisgra]

[ QUOTE ]
I just wanted to express my deepest condolences for your terrible loss. May you find some comfort in the wonderful memories of your cherished one.

Colgin

[/ QUOTE ]

What he said . . . /images/graemlins/frown.gif

[ipp147]

Hi Slavic.

You and your family are in my thoughts.

Take care.

Alex

[lil']

So sorry for what has happened to you and your family. As others have said, don't be afraid to lean on your family and friends. You'll need them to get you through this, and that's OK.

After reading this, it makes all the other posts here seem pretty meaningless, so one can easily see why you don't want to play. Someday you might, but until then, I hope you do what you can for you and your family to feel better.

[CCass]

Slavic,

I am very sorry about your loss. I will pray for you and your family.

[OtisTheMarsupial]

I can't even imagine how you must be feeling right now, so soon after this tragedy.

I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you.
Be comforted knowing we're here to listen.

[scrapperdog]

I would be willing to bet, after a period of adjustment, you probably will be a better player than you ever were. The worst thing that could happen to you had happened already. They say the best poker players are fearless. You are not going to fear losing, you have already lost something far more important than poker ever could be. Yes in your emotional state taking a break or playing lower is the best advice. But IMO eventually something is gonna click and when it does you will find yourself as a better player than you ever were. Again, this is every fathers worst nightmare and we feel for what you are going through.

[Nottom]

I'm terribly sorry to hear of your loss. I don't know what I would do if I lost my daughter, I just hope I never have to find out.

As for your poker career, take time off. Take at least a few weeks and maybe more if you need it. You need time to grieve, everybody does, but in a few weeks the hurt will still be there but you will start to learn to cope with it and try and piece your life back together. If you are still struggling to get back to the tables in a month maybe you can start to worry but until then just forget about poker.

[Gamblor]

As a great poster and an obviously greater father, I hope your future is much brighter and your years on this planet are filled with joy watching your other children grow up.

If possible, PM me any information on contributions to any charity or foundation you've set up in honour of your child.

[fnord_too]

I read this yesterday and could not think of a damn thing to say. I still can't. I have a two year old daughter and a 4 month old daughter and just the thought of losing either of them brings me to my knees. I cannot begin to imagine the pain you are going through. I think it will take a long time before you are able to focus on anything for more than a few minutes. When my best friend died 12 years ago (when I was 24), I was a complete wreck for months. Having a child die has to be much worse, though at the time I couldn't imagine anything would be worse. Take as much time off as you can. Having friends and family around helps a lot.

[sfer]

I've read this thread three times and I don't know what to say aside from I'm sorry.

[Fishwhenican]

My deepest condolences to you and your family.

I do have some idea how you feel. My wife and I lost our first child (a son, Michael) shortly after birth and the loss and pain grow less over time but are always there, usually tucked away and sometimes without warning a little closer to the surface.

Take some time to grieve. It is natural and healthy, but do not feel guilty about working eventually no matter if it's poker, flipping burgers, trading stocks or whatever it may be to provide income for you and your family. I know playing poker for a living is a bit different but the sad fact is that unless a person can afford to take a huge amount of time off they eventually have to get back to what it is they do to make a living. It is hard to do, but when there are others to consider you do whatever it is you have to do to provide for them.

One small bit of advice learned from personal experience. Make sure to pay attention to how this effects your wife and be especially supportive to her. When we lost our son it effected us for a long time and we barely made it through the years that followed. Women grieve differently than men and things like this hurt them for longer periods of time. I made an assumption that things were OK after a period of time because I was OK (or at least better than I had been) and things seemed OK. I was mistaken and should have been far more supportive of my wife the lasting grief she felt at her loss.

I am not in any way trying to minimize the grief you feel or will feel down the road. This is a hard situation and will most likely have lasting effects.

You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. It is sad that anyone has to go through something like this.

[Daliman]

I read 5 words, I can;t reead any more. I have an 18 months old son, and am tearing up just from that.

Many condolences

[nolanfan34]

[ QUOTE ]
I've read this thread three times and I don't know what to say aside from I'm sorry.

[/ QUOTE ]

Kind of the same for me. What can be said? Very sorry for your loss. Let us Seattle area posters know if we can be any help in any way.

[Easy E]

Was s/he that big a troll? 3 posts indicate the person was a coward, unless they were banned.

[Easy E]

Your situation forward is going to be difficult as well, especially if that poker income is required for your family.

If you can financially take a break, do so. You're in no shape to play- no point in draining money on top of your misery.

GLTY and yours

[ResidentParanoid]

You have my deepest sympathy. It is impossible to deal with a loss of someone so close, but somehow we must. I hope that you find strength for yourself and for your family.

[malo]

So, so sorry to read this. Don't forget, it's OK to take time to grieve....in fact it's essential. It's the people who don't, who just try to bury it who eventually have the most difficulties.

Keep working with the counselors. And while this sounds so trite.....time heals. It's true. You will always have a scar but the gaping wound will close.

Your son would be the first to want you to carry on.....

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

[SossMan]

Slavic,

You have my deepest condolances and are in my thoughts. Stay strong.

-Andrew

[Bill Bixby]

I am very troubled by hearing this. I want you to know I will be praying for you and your family. I know time will heal some wounds but not all. If you need to talk or if you would like me to point out some verses in the bible that I think would help you, please feel free to PM me. Again, I am deeply sorry to hear this. May God be with you.

[Toro]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I had tears in my eyes as I read it. Stay close to your wife and support each other.

[ThaSaltCracka]

Slavic, I am saddened by your loss. I will pray for you and your family. May your son rest in peace.

[regisd]

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

[PokerBabe(aka)]

Hi Slavic,

I am so sorry for your loss. The loss of a child is the worst type of loss I can imagine. I don't have any words of wisdom except to say that somehow you will survive. I wish you all the best and encourage you to reach out for support to whatever resources you have, including your poker pals. As for poker itself, it's not important at all.

Take care,

Babe

[jedi]

/images/graemlins/frown.gif

No words from me or any of us can console you right now. Just know that we're mourning with you.

[JrJordan]

I have no comprehension of what a loss of this magnitude can do to a person, and I don't intend to pretend I do. All I know is that I am so sorry for your loss. Take comfort with your family and the thought that your son is at peace.

On a side note, if you do decide to open up a memorial fund in your son's honor I would be more than happy to contribute. Perhaps 2+2 could rally together for a "Memorial Day" where anyone willing could donate half their profits to such a fund. I know you have many other things on your mind at the moment, but if you ever feel like you're searching for a way to honor your son, this is one possible option and I'm sure the support here would be tremendous.

[TheRonin]

My condolences
I can't imagine the pain

i'm not a counselor but here's an idea / maybe you shoulda hit the WSOP / maybe spending time out of the saddle is not what you need / alot of sports personalities seem to thrive or manage to put together exceptional performances in the face of tragedy (grant it that whatever there doing probably doesnt take the level of concentration that poker requires but still) / just a though

take care of yourself

the poker community never ceases to amaze me // some of the most caring and thoughtful people i've ever had the pleasure of communicating with

[YourFoxyGrandma]

I'm so sorry. Best wishes and good luck. The forum is always here for you.

[daryn]

be strong

[BeerMoney]

Stay strong.

[Boris]

wow that sucks bad. hang in there as best you can. my condolences.

[Cubswin]

My thoughts and prayers go out to you, your family and your son. We are all here for you.

cubs

[Xenia]

I can't even begin to imagine the pain of your loss. I had to register to offer you the meager consolation of a stranger's sympathy for your loss. May you and your family find happiness again.

[plaster8]

[ QUOTE ]
Let us Seattle area posters know if we can be any help in any way.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm so sorry, Slavic. You don't know me from Adam, but I'm with nolanfan -- if there's anything those of us who live up here can do, let us know.

[Stephen Gray]

Sir,

I'm sorry for your loss. Good luck, be strong, and do what
you feel is right.

[kasey2004]

/images/graemlins/frown.gif

wow, i couldnt even start to imigine this happening. u have my deepest sympathy man, all i can say about it.

/images/graemlins/spade.gif Kasey /images/graemlins/spade.gif

I'm sorry to hear that.

[cjromero]

I am incredibly sorry for your loss. Your son's smile could light up a room.

My son, Blake, is turning 4 on Sunday and we got him one of those Rainbow Playscapes for his birthday. Reading your story makes me want to take the Playscape down, keep Blake inside, and hold him in my arms until he turns 18 (or longer).

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

[bobbyi]

Dan, I'm sorry I didn't reply to this sooner. I tried to find something I could say that would truly helpful and comforting, but I guess I'm not that wise. I just don't know what to say. This is just such sad and upsetting news. I am not usually a religious man, but I have said a prayer for your son and for your family and hope you are able to find peace and strength. We are all behind you.

[Bulldog]

My sympathy to you and your family.

[MonkeeMan]

May tomorrow be brighter than today.

Peace.

[Joe Tall]

Slavic,

Somehow I miss this thread. My heart goes out to you and yours. Stay strong brother.

Take it slow,
Joe Tall

[Vavavoom]

Slavic,

I have never been in this sub-forum, and did not know what to expect to be reading when I clicked on this post. However, upon opening it, I have read one of the most sincere, deep, honest and emotional posts that I have ever come across. From what I gather, this tragic loss happened several weeks ago, and all I can offer is my condolences for what still must be a traumatic time for yourself, and your family.

Its times like these, that put everything into complete perspective. I can understand that you are probably still undergoing counselling, for what is an unimaginable loss. I'm not a parent, and so can't imagine the pain that you must be feeling, however, I feel that this pain is unimaginable. Love for children is unconditional, and it must be horrible to have never seen your little boy grow up. Just reading this at work has made me highly emotional, and I feel that you deserve enormous credit for being able to write what you did, when you did. All I can offer is my deepest sympathies.

As for the poker, if its your sole income, then have a break, until you see fit to be able to get back to playing. But, don't feel ashamed that you don't feel mentally up for it, that would be expected. Just take it slow and ease yourself back into the swing of things.

Another thing that amazes me, is the compassion of this forum. I'm truly astonished at the level of warmth generated in this thread from people that you may/or may not know.....I feel it sums up human nature in its entirety and shows the love and warmth that man can show fellow man. In a time when our world is at its most vulnerable and people are genuinely afraid of the hatred being shown between one human and another. Things like the messages on a poker forum messageboard that show so much love really have made me put things into perspective.

Once again, my deepest sympathies go out to you and your family. May he Rest In Peace...


Darren

[JustToast]

This is very sad. My condolences to you and yours.