I am retarded

[[censored]]

I hate flies

fly lands on me

I strike full speed at fly

I miss

I realize fly had landed on now smashed crotch

I puke as nuts climb into my stomach /images/graemlins/mad.gif

[kerssens]

One morning I wake up and my arm is completely numb. I raise my arm over my head but can't hold it up and my arm smacks me across the nose, nose bleeds.

[squeek12]

A friend I have constantly sits on his nuts. At least your mishap was a freak accident, his is a habit.

[spamuell]

I think I win.

I'm playing neutral EV roulette with a plastic roulette wheel I have at home against a friend where 0 means spin again. I make a bet with him that if the ball lands on red he has to give another friend who is coming round a full, wet kiss on the lips and if it's black I do.

I say "ahahha sucker, we never agreed that I had to spin the wheel first," and try to put the ball down on red on the stationary wheel. I put it on black.

[bugstud]

[ QUOTE ]
I think I win.

I'm playing neutral EV roulette with a plastic roulette wheel I have at home against a friend where 0 means spin again. I make a bet with him that if the ball lands on red he has to give another friend who is coming round a full, wet kiss on the lips and if it's black I do.

I say "ahahha sucker, we never agreed that I had to spin the wheel first," and try to put the ball down on red on the stationary wheel. I put it on black.

[/ QUOTE ]

awesome

[Talk2BigSteve]

I leave work at 5:00pm in Dallas.

I get home at 5:45pm and lay down on the couch.

I fall asleep.

I wake up.

The clock shows 7:15.

I yell [censored] and rush to shower and get dressed.

I speed and arrive at work at 7:58.

12 hours early!

Steve

[squeek12]

[ QUOTE ]
I leave work at 5:00pm in Dallas.

I get home at 5:45pm and lay down on the couch.

I fall asleep.

I wake up.

The clock shows 7:15.

I yell [censored] and rush to shower and get dressed.

I speed and arrive at work at 7:58.

12 hours early!

Steve

[/ QUOTE ]

classic. get east and west confused huh?

[Talk2BigSteve]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I leave work at 5:00pm in Dallas.

I get home at 5:45pm and lay down on the couch.

I fall asleep.

I wake up.

The clock shows 7:15.

I yell [censored] and rush to shower and get dressed.

I speed and arrive at work at 7:58.

12 hours early!

Steve

[/ QUOTE ]

classic. get east and west confused huh?

[/ QUOTE ]

If I had not been in such a rush I would have looked around and noticed. I also was listening to CDs in the car so I did not even wonder what happened to the Morning Show.

Steve

[Blarg]

[ QUOTE ]
I think I win.

I'm playing neutral EV roulette with a plastic roulette wheel I have at home against a friend where 0 means spin again. I make a bet with him that if the ball lands on red he has to give another friend who is coming round a full, wet kiss on the lips and if it's black I do.

I say "ahahha sucker, we never agreed that I had to spin the wheel first," and try to put the ball down on red on the stationary wheel. I put it on black.

[/ QUOTE ]

LOL, nice "accident."

[Blarg]

I grab a roach with a napkin while yakking on the phone. I do the routine squish, but am not paying attention, and get a face full of roach guts.

[squeek12]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I think I win.

I'm playing neutral EV roulette with a plastic roulette wheel I have at home against a friend where 0 means spin again. I make a bet with him that if the ball lands on red he has to give another friend who is coming round a full, wet kiss on the lips and if it's black I do.

I say "ahahha sucker, we never agreed that I had to spin the wheel first," and try to put the ball down on red on the stationary wheel. I put it on black.

[/ QUOTE ]

LOL, nice "accident."

[/ QUOTE ]

This crossed my mind also.

[spamuell]

LOL, nice "accident."

I knew I was gonna get comments like this but if you met me you'd know, I really am just that retarded.

[Talk2BigSteve]

[ QUOTE ]
I think I win.

I'm playing neutral EV roulette with a plastic roulette wheel I have at home against a friend where 0 means spin again. I make a bet with him that if the ball lands on red he has to give another friend who is coming round a full, wet kiss on the lips and if it's black I do.

I say "ahahha sucker, we never agreed that I had to spin the wheel first," and try to put the ball down on red on the stationary wheel. I put it on black.

[/ QUOTE ]

Sorry, I am running a little late. This damn wheel chair and all.

I will be there for my full, wet kiss on the lips shortly.

Steve

[spamuell]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I think I win.

I'm playing neutral EV roulette with a plastic roulette wheel I have at home against a friend where 0 means spin again. I make a bet with him that if the ball lands on red he has to give another friend who is coming round a full, wet kiss on the lips and if it's black I do.

I say "ahahha sucker, we never agreed that I had to spin the wheel first," and try to put the ball down on red on the stationary wheel. I put it on black.

[/ QUOTE ]

Sorry, I am running a little late. This damn wheel chair and all.

I will be there for my full, wet kiss on the lips shortly.

Steve

[/ QUOTE ]

PM me for full price listings.

[touchfaith]

These are mild.

I have 'issues' with bees.

All my friends know when I bee comes near me, run, cause I'm swingin' for the fences.

One of my closer friends has never learned this lesson and I have hooked him three times while stream fishing over the years.

Same senerio each time. We are either smoking out, or grabbing beers...either way, within close proximity of each other, me armed with a fishing pole and lure at the end.

Enter the bee.

The rest is fairly predictable (to everyone but him).

I start swinging.
He starts laughing.
I keep swinging.
Bee flies away...
...just as I hook my buddy
He stops laughing.
I start laughing.
The search for the needle-nose follows.

He has hook issues in general. One time, we was walking back to camp threw the brush...hook in hand, instead of corked.

Sure enough, by the time he's back at camp, a bush has caught his line and set that hook...into his thumb.

30 mins later, after deciding that I am not going to get the thing out with the bent pair of needle-nose I had at the time, we decide to drive (30 miles) to the store and get a razor blade...so I can cut it out. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[somethingstupid]

I punched myself in the face 100 times.