anger management

[tinhat]

I have always loved playing cards. And I understand random events, bad beats (which don't really bother me on their own), trying to make correct decisions regardless of the outcome and all that [censored]. But I'm having trouble with anger. There are times when I want to run straight out into the street and drive my fist through the face of the first guy I see. Or feel like I have enough anger/energy to tear down half my house with a baseball bat (small house).

This isn't a frequent occurrence. This particular problem only starts when I don't even get a fighting chance - when I get consistent stretches of almost no hands to play (over many sessions); stretches of 8-9x/10 losing 5-10BB right off the bat when I first sit down. It's not the losing that pisses me off so much, it's the realization that I'm not even getting a chance. So once these series of things happen I just start stewing.

Getting away from online poker doesn't do anything. I have some wooden crap in the basement to beat the [censored] out of stuff but it seems like the more I pound on [censored], the more I want to pound on [censored]. I tried writing with pencil and paper but that doesn't really help. Trying to talk it out just keeps me focused on what's pissing me off. I just get this anger thing inside that takes like a couple hours to go away.

I know we all have this problem to one degree or another but I'm wondering if anyone that gets this mad has found some way to get over it more quickly? Or at least actively do something about it instead of waiting for it to go away by itself? I'm not asking how to "accept things" - I'm an easy going kinda guy but when I get mad, I get really mad. And I stay mad. No matter how calm you try to be, there are just some things that are going to really piss you off. That's what I'm talking about.

So what I'm asking for is getting over the anger, once it's there (not necessarily trying to prevent it). I'd love to be able to shake it off while I'm playing but I'll start small and just ask for anything that works for others. Waiting for it to go away on its own is no good anymore.

Mike

[milesdyson]

my progression:

1. it starts out innocently enough, as sarcastic laughing (in an effort to stay calm). i lose some sweet hand to a one outer or a hand i was the 65:1 favorite over on the flop. i'll laugh and say, "amazing." then i'll think, "whatever dude, keep busting that [censored]. i will own you."

2. this is the turning point. this needs to happen if i am to venture into the realm of true anger. someone needs to play a hand incredibly poorly and hit on me. just once. like i'll have AJ and get the flop and turn capped on JJ95 rainbow flop and turn. then a river 8 drops and it gets capped and the dude turns over QT (that he capped preflop). at that point i'll actually sit out and get out of my chair, saying things like, "holy shit, i can't believe this" and "i'm gonna fucking kill this guy."

3. i begin to raise with crap. i will pick up pens/pencils off of my desk and throw them at my wall. i will stop playing poker and proceed to visit the forums, seeking out bad beat posts, and i will ridicule the posters. i try to belittle them as much as possible, because it makes me feel better about myself.

4. i visit the usual pornographic sites, i unzip my pants, and i take my weiner in my right hand. i look for a good video to watch, and i sit there beating off until my dick is raw. sorry.

[Firefly]

you sir, are my hero.

[Firefly]

try the psychology fourm, they know their stuff down there.

[benkath1]

about a half step across the line there. /images/graemlins/smirk.gif

[milesdyson]

[ QUOTE ]
about a half step across the line there. /images/graemlins/smirk.gif

[/ QUOTE ]
hence the "sorry." be glad i didn't get my entire body across the line. there'd be bodily fluid everywh...... i will stop.

[SoftcoreRevolt]

You should use your left, that way you can use the mouse in your right.

Friggin donks who don't know how to jerk off.

[UATrewqaz]

I dont' mind a decent player hitting a good draw on me, obviously it hurts to lose a pot, but I'm like hey, that's hwo poker works.

Things are a little worse when some jackass with NO BUSINESS playing the cards or his no draw/no pair hand backs into something that just beats my hand which I played brillantly... but that too is just part of the game sometimes.

BUT, combine having a downswing plus the above moron hitting on his junk making a killing, raking in pot after pot on garbage and more garbage, then catching a monster hand he just sucked out on (say QQ) and winning a big pot with it himself, and we're talking borderline Hulk syndrome for me.

[JackThree]

if you want to keep hitting something, keep doing it, it will help in the long run, getting rid of anger is +EV

[aK13]

[ QUOTE ]
if you want to keep hitting something, keep doing it, it will help in the long run, getting rid of anger is +EV

[/ QUOTE ]

It's definitely not easy, we all know that. For me, I've punched walls, banged my desk repeatedly -- what works best for me is to get the hell away from my computer, and try to go do something else completely unrelated, such as run/exercise, sleep, play sports, eat, drink, movie...I don't really recommend TV since you might stumble across the WSOP or something, and video games can get just as frustrating very quickly.

[Jaran]

I read a book. Some mind candy novel. And I smoke (gonna quit that soon).

-Jaran

[DRD66]

Wow, lot to reply to here. First thought when I read your post was "I could've written that". You'd think having a good grasp on the game and understanding bad beats and "all that [censored]" should make you immune to extreme anger, but it doesn't. I have what is generally considered one of the more stressful jobs on the planet, and in 16 years I've raised my voice at work maybe a half-dozen times. Yet I'll throw stuff and scream loud enough to wake the neighbors when some idiot I've owned all night sucks out on me for a huge pot. I'll laugh at it, shrug, sit out a few hands, but the bonkers monster is out and nothing I can do about it.

So here's my new theory: Anger is fear. I'm pissed 'cause maybe I don't know what I'm doing, and this downswing is NEVER gonna end and maybe I'm ONE OF the fish and I SUCK AND NOW WHAT AM I GONNA DO FOR FUN AND ... So screw it. Take a break, look at your stats and realize you ARE a decent player. Watch some mindless TV. In PT I've marked a couple of hands that just make me laugh 'cause I played well and the fish played like fish and paid off huge. A lot of times (don't tell Sklansky) I'll play one of my favorite superstitious -EV hands. Either I win and laugh at fate or lose and laugh 'cause it feels WRONG to play like a fish so either way I'm back on my game. If it's that bad, make sure you have SOMEONE, either here in the forums or at home, that can give you a reality check. My wife knows **** about poker, but she knows my moods and how to get me out of them.

And then there are those times when you just have to walk away and just be so pissed you scare yourself (anger/fear again) until you calm down enough to crawl into bed and have poker dreams. I guess it's that "knowing the problem helps cure it" deal that 12-steppers talk about. Anger you don't understand is incredibly scary and therefore feeds on itself. Anger you do understand is part of the game.

Shuffle up and deal.

Doug

[irishpint]

well im a firm believer that music makes a session. so if things are going well, find a disk that'll put you in the right mood. in addition, i like to drink beer.

[DRD66]

Your point 3 explains a lot about your posts. I've got some good advice from you, but have often see you post stuff that just baffles me. Now I know why. Perhaps you should create another ID for the spewing stuff.

Point 4 just explains a lot, period. PM me if you want links to good sites and good lotions. Sorry.

[DRD66]

plus, when you use your left it feels like someone else doing it

[milesdyson]

[ QUOTE ]
Your point 3 explains a lot about your posts. I've got some good advice from you, but have often see you post stuff that just baffles me. Now I know why. Perhaps you should create another ID for the spewing stuff.

[/ QUOTE ]
my post isn't serious. the last thing i do immediately after a really bad session is get on the forums. i will occasionally bombard a bad beat thread with nonsense, however, just out of general spite, because they serve no purpose (admittedly i have posted a bad beat thread).

[TomBrooks]

Try taking a tennis racquet and beating a pillow with it and/or screaming your head off into a pillow so no one else can hear you.

[grjr]

I go across the room, pick up my mouse, and shut off the computer. Then I go and watch TV. It takes about 20 minutes to realize how stupid it is to get mad over a poker game (even if those damned fish really do suck).

I find it's best for me not to play any more poker that night though--even after I've calmed down. The losing almost always seems to continue. If I wait until the next day then things are usually much better. Don't know why that is.

[einbert]

I'm telling Sklansky.

[Nilbud]

My biggest problem is not that I get angry, shout, and throw stuff around the room. My problem is that, after a few bad beats, or poorly played hands, I get in a bad mood and snap at my wife or anyone around me. In some ways, I think that's worse.

[BlackRain]

I switched from NL to Limit holdem because of this. I find it easier to laugh it off, because I might lose 10 or 15 bucks, not a 100, when the donk calls my QQ PF raise with A3o and hits trip 3's. Just laugh it off, they get lucky sometimes, sometimes they get lucky a lot. But in the longrun, they lose bigtime. We all know this.

[droolie]

Being a Red Sox fan my entire life I'm somewhat of a pessimistic person when it comes to expected results. I usually expect to lose and am happily surprised when I win. I rarely lose the max on any given hand as I'm always thinking of the what could possibly go wrong. I miss lots of bets on the turn and river because of this mindset but my variance usually stays under control.

My tilt is just a slow boil. I laugh off the first few horrible beats but then I just get depressed and numb. I've never yelled, thrown or punched anything as that's just not in my personality. Instead I just become very hateful and if my wife tries to talk to me I act like a total prick. I actually made a promise to neverplay poker while the kids are awake partly because of this fact (that and I don't pay any attention to any of them even if I'm not losing). After a very bad session I usually have trouble sleeping unless I get drunk or high. I will never start drinking because I'm tilting though but if I'm already drinking I'll drinkmore to ease the pain. I will get high sometimes though (alright usually). Getting high is a very good cure to my anger but my play deteriorates so I can only play 2 or 3 of .50/1.

A bad session usually sticks in my craw well intot he next day as I only play late at night. 2+2 usually snaps me out of this funk especially when I flood the forum with whingy posts.

[MrEngenic]

[ QUOTE ]
I actually made a promise to neverplay poker while the kids are awake partly because of this fact

[/ QUOTE ]

/images/graemlins/smile.gif

[ QUOTE ]
After a very bad session I usually have trouble sleeping unless I get drunk or high... Getting high is a very good cure to my anger

[/ QUOTE ]

/images/graemlins/frown.gif

[MrEngenic]

What I would like to know, how do the fish behave when they loose? There are some on my buddy list that play sooo bad and still they play so often that they must have lost thousands of dollars. I'm a winning player but I have loosing sessions almost as often as winning session. How is it to almost always have loosing sessions? Do they blame bad luck, do they know they suck, do they get depressed because they keep throwing away money?
Sometimes I feel sorry for players with obvious gambling problems when I take their money. When they suck out bad, however, I wish I could seek them out and plant a fist in their face, especially if they SCATTER my money around the table right after and go broke before I can get it back...

/images/graemlins/smile.gif

[jrz1972]

I strongly recommend "Inside the Poker Mind" by John Feeny for those of you that have serious anger problems. There are a couple of essays in that book on tilt that I think really put things into perspective. Those essays alone were worth the price of the book thanks to the emotional balance they provide.

Edit: Unfortunately, Feeny has not tackled the problem of compulsive masturbation yet. I'm not sure if 2+2 has anything in the works here or not.

[Buccaneer]

I feel your pain. Not being a very good player I feel that pain alot. This is what is working for me right now. First I decided not to punish my family because of a unhappy experience playing. They do not deserve it - ever. I noticed when I turned on the computer that the dog slinked off and my family found other things to do as far away from me as they could. Whats more important the fall of random cards (except party because everyone knows it is rigged) or your family? I quit playing when they were around. I then realized that I did not like to be around me either when I was loosing. I wanted to play so I thought what I had to do.
I understood random events just like you. I loved randomness when the cards were giving me lots of random AA, KK, AK and giving the random 72o to others. I didn't like it when the randomness gave me the 72o. The cards were so cruel. They would not give me a chance either, but do they owe me a chance? No they owe me randomness(except on party but that is another story) not a chance at anything. I then credited randomness for lots of my wins. When I got upset I gave myself one chance to recover and then signed off. I also quit posting here when I was upset. Lots of other people here are on tilt and they will be on you like white on rice if they detect any tilt in your post. Sorry guys, but it is the truth. Write out your post in notepad and then review them the next day before you post. You might be suprised how many you delete.
Decide why you want to play and if it is for good reasons then make your adjustments. If it brings you no joy, why play?
If you want to know how devistating bad beats can be try following the Tennessee Vols for 30 years. If you can live through that you can handle anything.