Buying a Flat Iron: A Cautionary Tale

[gonores]

Two weeks ago, I got my hair cut and highlighted (shut up...everyone says it makes much sense for me to be a blonde instead of a "brown"). It was the first visit to this particular hair concern, and as I typically do, I tell the hair technician to do whatever she likes to my hair, and I will judge her effort by the reactions of other people (namely, women).

Fast forward to later that night. I am receiving many, many compliments on my hair. This pleases me.

The next morning, I get out of the shower and attempt to duplicate the look I had last night. Alas, my primitive hair tools (gel, wax, glue and a small assortment of combs) cannot come close to the look I had last night. This displeases me.

I drop by the hair concern before the workout that day and asked Lacey the Stylist what she used on my hair. She gets me some sticky green wax-type stuff and tells me she used a flat iron (http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=5586260884&category=36 408) on my hair. I decide to purchase these provisions (total cost: $25), and I have been able to acheive results similar to what I looked like after the initial visit to the hair concern.

Alas, I did not know the consequences of this action. Apparently, the single act of purchasing this flat iron has turned me into a homosexual, which is rather unfortunate, considering the amount of extra female attention I have been receiving thanks to my new hairstyle.

I didn't want to be gay. I like sex with women, and I can't imagine that sex with men is going to be enjoyable or comfortable. Alas, according to everyone who knows that I own a flat iron, the transformation is inevitable. So I began embracing the new me today. As I am unpacking from my recent trip, my neighbor stops in and sees me unpacking my hair device. Naturally, he ribs me for this. With my apartment door open, I reply, at the top of my lungs, "MY NAME IS DOUG AND I OWN A FLAT IRON."

Hopefully, this story will serve as a warning to you, my colleagues. Many of you seem to be just the way I was...very comfortably living as a heterosexual. Please do not purchase a flat iron, lest you wish to inevitably turn gay.

I really wish I wasn't gay. Having sex with men is really going to suck. If only I would have known.

[Michael Davis]

Doug,

You'll get used to it, it's pretty much the same stuff without all the drama. Look me up when you move to SoCal.

-Michael

[M2d]

[ QUOTE ]
Having sex with men is really going to suck.

[/ QUOTE ]
in more ways than one

[tbach24]

http://www.translation-services-usa.com/images/flat-iron.jpg

Had no idea what a flat iron was and did a GIS and found this pic, pretty cool.

[wacki]

[ QUOTE ]
Two weeks ago, I got my hair cut and highlighted (shut up...everyone says it makes much sense for me to be a blonde instead of a "brown").

[/ QUOTE ]





*cough click here cough* (http://www.icalledshotgun.com/2+2directory.htm)

[Sponger15SB]

I always just assumed you were gay, didn't know you used to be a heterosexual.

[gonores]

I hate pictures. I have no access to a picture of me. Furthermore, I believe only one 2+2er has a picture of me, and he has been instructed to never let that picture see the light of day. Before, I threatened him with violence, but given the new me, I guess I can threaten him with a dick in his ass.

[tbach24]

Since you got your hair cut, I'm going to guess it's not girl-long, so what does a flat iron do to your hair?

[wacki]

[ QUOTE ]
I hate pictures. I have no access to a picture of me. Furthermore, I believe only one 2+2er has a picture of me, and he has been instructed to never let that picture see the light of day. Before, I threatened him with violence, but given the new me, I guess I can threaten him with a dick in his ass.

[/ QUOTE ]


why so apprehensive?

[Klepton]

i used to own a flat iron, it broke

i might buy another one

your hair did look rather metro

[Michael Davis]

"why so apprehensive?"

Some gay guys are uncomfortable with objectification.

-Michael

[bugstud]

[ QUOTE ]
I hate pictures. I have no access to a picture of me. Furthermore, I believe only one 2+2er has a picture of me, and he has been instructed to never let that picture see the light of day. Before, I threatened him with violence, but given the new me, I guess I can threaten him with a dick in his ass.

[/ QUOTE ]

maybe the seeing my place in vegas is off... /images/graemlins/tongue.gif


I'm dying laughing here

[Sponger15SB]

[ QUOTE ]
i used to own a flat iron, it broke

i might buy another one

[/ QUOTE ]

Don't stick it up your ass this time

[gonores]

[ QUOTE ]
I always just assumed you were gay, didn't know you used to be a heterosexual.

[/ QUOTE ]

That's a pretty weak pick-up line, sponger. I'm a pretty hot piece of man-love. You're going to have to do way better if you want a chance with me.

[gonores]

[ QUOTE ]
why so apprehensive?

[/ QUOTE ]

Pictures steal your soul.

[MEbenhoe]

Why not just go the whole way and get the sex change operation? Not like you don't have the money for it.

[Sponger15SB]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I always just assumed you were gay, didn't know you used to be a heterosexual.

[/ QUOTE ]

That's a pretty weak pick-up line, sponger. I'm a pretty hot piece of man-love. You're going to have to do way better if you want a chance with me.

[/ QUOTE ]

Ok, how about this then....

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v641/Sponger15aa/Gonores.jpg

[gonores]

[ QUOTE ]
Why not just go the whole way and get the sex change operation? Not like you don't have the money for it.

[/ QUOTE ]

Because I like my penis.

[Klepton]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Why not just go the whole way and get the sex change operation? Not like you don't have the money for it.

[/ QUOTE ]

Because I like my penis.

[/ QUOTE ]

apparently, sponger does too

[Ulysses]

I have never even heard of a gay guy having a flat iron.

[Shajen]

Have you started accessorizing more?

You know, pink shirt, collar popped...

[ThaSaltCracka]

oh wow.

[gonores]

I have owned a pink shirt for over a year now. I wore it Canterbury for the Minnesota Carnage trip in December.

I guess the warning signs were there.

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
I have never even heard of a gay guy having a flat iron.

[/ QUOTE ]

I haven't been in any gay guys' bathrooms so I've never been in a position to have seen one.

[Shajen]

hmmm.

Next you'll tell me you quit your job and now decorate homes for a living...

[OtisTheMarsupial]

I /images/graemlins/heart.gif my flat iron.

I am not gay.

[Alobar]

The moral of this story is: Shave your hair super short.

chicks love to play with ure head. you NEVER have to mess with your hair. It takes like 30 seconds to shower. You never have to spend money on a haircut (much less a flat iron). It doesnt get any more +EV than that.

[Patrick del Poker Grande]

[ QUOTE ]
I /images/graemlins/heart.gif my flat iron.

I am not gay.

[/ QUOTE ]
It doesn't count if you're a girl.

[mmbt0ne]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">En réponse à:</font><hr />
The moral of this story is: Shave your hair super short.

chicks love to play with ure head. you NEVER have to mess with your hair. It takes like 30 seconds to shower. You never have to spend money on a haircut (much less a flat iron). It doesnt get any more +EV than that.

[/ QUOTE ]

Is that you or your mullet talking?

http://www.icalledshotgun.com/photodirectory/Alobar.jpg

[DBowling]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I /images/graemlins/heart.gif my flat iron.

I am not gay.

[/ QUOTE ]
It doesn't count if you're a girl.

[/ QUOTE ]

i always thought he was gay, but if he is a girl, that makes sense also

[gonores]

IMO, my skull is incredibly unattractive. It is very bumpy, ridgy and uneven, and the back is much wider than the front. Plus, I don't want to deal with trying to make the top of my skull look the same color as the rest of my tan.

[MEbenhoe]

[ QUOTE ]
IMO, my skull is incredibly unattractive.

[/ QUOTE ]

aww doug, you have a very attractive skull.

[Alobar]

lol, damnit. I went over that already, its not a mullet, just camera angle.

Obviously, Ive started shaving my head since then.

[tonypaladino]

[ QUOTE ]
http://www.translation-services-usa.com/images/flat-iron.jpg

Had no idea what a flat iron was and did a GIS and found this pic, pretty cool.

[/ QUOTE ]

I never heard of a flat iron either, when I saw the title of the thread I thought about this building. (Called the Flatiron building BTW for you non-New Yorkers, located in the neighboorhood of Flatiron, which is not a gay neighboorhood.

/images/graemlins/grin.gif

TONY