MMMMMM
01-12-2003, 11:44 AM
Joey related this to me from the hospital and asked me to post it for him since he can't post right now. Apologies for any mistakes and for lack of style up to Joey's standards.
"ALL RIGHT YOU FAT HUMPS, IT'S TIME FOR JOEY TO ENLIGHTEN YOU ALL ONCE AGAIN. THIS HAPPENED ON A SATURDAY NIGHT AT THE BELLAHGIO AND IT JUST GOES TO SHOW WHY THEY WILL NEVER BEAT JOEY. THE GAME WAS $15-30 HOLD'EM. IT WAS LATE AND THE GAME HAD BROKEN DOWN TO JUST DYNASTY, POKERBABE, VINCE AND JOEY. THEY WERE TRYING THEIR USUAL BS BUT I WAS SLOWLY BEATING THEM OUT OF THEIR CHIPS AND LAUGHING THE WHOLE WHILE. THESE MOPES THINK AK IS SUPPOSED TO BEAT 53 OFFSUIT BUT THEY DON'T KNOW HOW OFTEN AK NO GOOD. LOL. IT'S LOTSA FUN HAVING A FEW DRINKS AND PLAYING EVERY HAND AND TAKING THESE SUCKERS MONEY. BUT VINCE HAD BEEN GETTING MORE AND MORE IRRITATED AND FINALLY HE SAID "HEY JOEY, WHY DON'T YOU PUT UP OR SHUT UP. LET'S MAKE THIS GAME NO-LIMIT." DYNASTY AND POKERBABE JUST SAT THERE STUPIDLY, AND I SAID SURE. COME ON SUCKERS. SO AMAZINGLY THEY WENT FOR IT. WE GOT A PLACK AND CHANGED THE GAME JUST AS MASON WAS COMING OVER TO JOIN US. HE TRIED TO GET IN AND MAKE THE GAME STAY LIMIT BUT I WOULDN'T ALLOW IT. SO HE JUST STOOD THERE AND WATCHED FOR A WHILE. WELL NOTHING MUCH HAPPENED FOR ABOUT 15 MINUTES EXCEPT A FEW SMALL POTS GETTING PUSHED BACK AND FORTH. MASON JUST CONTINUED TO JUST STAND THERE AT A SAFE DISTANCE INSTEAD OF RETURNING TO HIS STUD GAME. HE HAD A SMIRK ON HIS FACE THE WHOLE TIME, SO I SAID HEY COME ON IN MASON THE WATER'S FINE, BUT HE PRETENDED NOT TO HEAR ME. FINALLY THE HAND CAME UP WHICH SHOWS WHY THEY WILL NEVER BEAT JOEY. POKERBABE MADE IT $60 UNDER THE GUN AND I HAD AQ ON THE BUTTON SO I MADE IT $120. VINCE AND DYNASTY CALLED FROM THE BLINDS AND POKERBABE JUST CALLED OF COURSE. THE FLOP CAME Jd Th 2d. VINCE LED FOR $100 AND DYNASTY CALLED AND THE BABE MADE IT $400. WHAT COULD THESE MOOKS POSSIBLY HAVE? I CALLED AND VINCE AND DYNASTY BOTH CALLED. THE TURN CARD WAS THE 9h. THE BOARD IS Jd Th 2d 9h. NOW VINCE GOES ALL-IN FOR ABOUT $300 MORE. DYNASTY RAISES ALL-IN FOR $350 MORE AND POKERBABE CALLS ALL-IN FOR $275. I'VE GOT THE UP-AND-DOWN STRAIGHT DRAW SO OF COURSE I'M CALLING. THE RIVER IS THE Kc GIVING ME THE NUTS AND I SHAKE MY HAED SLOWLY BECAUSE IT'S SUCH A DAMN SHAME I CAN'T WIN ANY MORE MONEY OFF THESE MOOKS. THERE'S A PAUSE, THEN VINCE TENTATIVELY TURNS UP THE Kd Qd AND DYNASTY QUICKLY TURNS OVER THE Kh Qh. THEN, THE BABE TURNS UP POCKET JACKS WITH A HELPLESS EXPRESSION ALL OVER HER FACE. I SHAKE MY HEAD AGAIN AND SIGH AND TURN OVER THE Qc. THESE MOOKS DESERVED TO LOSE A LOT MORE IN THIS HAND THAN THEY DID. I SIGH AGAIN AND START TO SLOWLY TURN OVER MY LAST CARD. I CAN FEEL THE TENSION IN VINCE AND DYNASTY'S BODY. ALL OF A SUDDEN I BREAK THE ICE AND LAUGH TURN UP THE ACE OF SPADES. THEY SIT THERE STUNNED AS THE DEALER PUSHES ME ALL THEIR CHIPS. AS SOON AS THE STUN WEARS OFF VINCE BEGINS TO SPLUTTER AND DYNASTY TURNS BEET-RED. ALL OF A SUDDEN, POKERBABE, WHO HAD BEEN SITTING PERFECTLY STILL FOR ABOUT 15 MINUTES, JUMPS UP AND SCREECHES "GET HIM!!!' SHE AND VINCE START COMINMG ACROSS THE TABLE AT ME WHILE DYNASTY MOVES INCREDIBLY SWIFTLY AROUND THE TABLE TO CUT ME OFF. I SEE MY CHANCE AND IN A SPLIT SECOND MANEUVER BEHIND THE COCKTAIL WAITRESS. DYNASTY CRASHES INTO HER AND THE DRINKS FLY ALL OVER VINCE AND THE BABE. IN THE CONFUSION I MANAGE TO MAKE MY ESCAPE AND DON'T RETURN TO THE ROOM TO GET MY CHIPS UNTIL DAYLIGHT. SO HAHAHA YOU FAT HUMPS I BET YOU THOUGHT JOEY WAS GOING TO GET SAVAGED AGAIN IN THIS STORY. JUST LIKE THEY THINK I CAN'T EVER HOLD A GOOD HAND. NEVER UNDERESTIMATE JOEY AND NEVER FORGET IT. ANYWAY, WHEN I GOT MY CHIPS I MADE SURE TO SMIRK AT MASON AS I WAS CASHING OUT, AND THEN I OVERHEARD SKLANSKY TELLING VINCE THAT HE WAS VERY DISAPPOINTED IN ALL THREE OF THEM--THEY SHOUD'VE KNOWN NOT TO GIVE A TERRIBLE PLAYER LIKE ME WHO IS A HIT-AND-RUN ARTIST A CHANCE AT WINNING A MONSTER POT. IF THEY HAD KEPT IT LIMIT AND JUST GROUND ME DOWN HE SAID I WOULD BE SURE TO LOSE ALL MY CHIPS ANYWAY. WELL I GUESS THAT MEANS SKLANSKY JUST NEEDS TO LEARN WHAT IT'S LIKE TO PLAY AGAINST JOEY. ANYWAY, MASON SEEMED TO OVERHEAR THIS CONVERSATION AND HE SUDDENLY GOT A FUNNY LOOK ON HIS FACE LIKE A BRIGHT IDEA JUST CAME OVER HIM. HE QUICKLY PACKED UP ALL HIS CHIPS AND MARCHED OUT OF THE ROOM WITH A FIXED EXPRESSION ON HIS FACE. I YELLED AT HIM DID HE WANT TO PLAY HEADS-UP BUT HE PRETENDED NOT TO HEAR ME AGAIN. WELL THAT'S ALL FOR NOW YOU FAT HUMPS. SEE YA AND WOULDN'T WANT TO BE YA, JOEY
"ALL RIGHT YOU FAT HUMPS, IT'S TIME FOR JOEY TO ENLIGHTEN YOU ALL ONCE AGAIN. THIS HAPPENED ON A SATURDAY NIGHT AT THE BELLAHGIO AND IT JUST GOES TO SHOW WHY THEY WILL NEVER BEAT JOEY. THE GAME WAS $15-30 HOLD'EM. IT WAS LATE AND THE GAME HAD BROKEN DOWN TO JUST DYNASTY, POKERBABE, VINCE AND JOEY. THEY WERE TRYING THEIR USUAL BS BUT I WAS SLOWLY BEATING THEM OUT OF THEIR CHIPS AND LAUGHING THE WHOLE WHILE. THESE MOPES THINK AK IS SUPPOSED TO BEAT 53 OFFSUIT BUT THEY DON'T KNOW HOW OFTEN AK NO GOOD. LOL. IT'S LOTSA FUN HAVING A FEW DRINKS AND PLAYING EVERY HAND AND TAKING THESE SUCKERS MONEY. BUT VINCE HAD BEEN GETTING MORE AND MORE IRRITATED AND FINALLY HE SAID "HEY JOEY, WHY DON'T YOU PUT UP OR SHUT UP. LET'S MAKE THIS GAME NO-LIMIT." DYNASTY AND POKERBABE JUST SAT THERE STUPIDLY, AND I SAID SURE. COME ON SUCKERS. SO AMAZINGLY THEY WENT FOR IT. WE GOT A PLACK AND CHANGED THE GAME JUST AS MASON WAS COMING OVER TO JOIN US. HE TRIED TO GET IN AND MAKE THE GAME STAY LIMIT BUT I WOULDN'T ALLOW IT. SO HE JUST STOOD THERE AND WATCHED FOR A WHILE. WELL NOTHING MUCH HAPPENED FOR ABOUT 15 MINUTES EXCEPT A FEW SMALL POTS GETTING PUSHED BACK AND FORTH. MASON JUST CONTINUED TO JUST STAND THERE AT A SAFE DISTANCE INSTEAD OF RETURNING TO HIS STUD GAME. HE HAD A SMIRK ON HIS FACE THE WHOLE TIME, SO I SAID HEY COME ON IN MASON THE WATER'S FINE, BUT HE PRETENDED NOT TO HEAR ME. FINALLY THE HAND CAME UP WHICH SHOWS WHY THEY WILL NEVER BEAT JOEY. POKERBABE MADE IT $60 UNDER THE GUN AND I HAD AQ ON THE BUTTON SO I MADE IT $120. VINCE AND DYNASTY CALLED FROM THE BLINDS AND POKERBABE JUST CALLED OF COURSE. THE FLOP CAME Jd Th 2d. VINCE LED FOR $100 AND DYNASTY CALLED AND THE BABE MADE IT $400. WHAT COULD THESE MOOKS POSSIBLY HAVE? I CALLED AND VINCE AND DYNASTY BOTH CALLED. THE TURN CARD WAS THE 9h. THE BOARD IS Jd Th 2d 9h. NOW VINCE GOES ALL-IN FOR ABOUT $300 MORE. DYNASTY RAISES ALL-IN FOR $350 MORE AND POKERBABE CALLS ALL-IN FOR $275. I'VE GOT THE UP-AND-DOWN STRAIGHT DRAW SO OF COURSE I'M CALLING. THE RIVER IS THE Kc GIVING ME THE NUTS AND I SHAKE MY HAED SLOWLY BECAUSE IT'S SUCH A DAMN SHAME I CAN'T WIN ANY MORE MONEY OFF THESE MOOKS. THERE'S A PAUSE, THEN VINCE TENTATIVELY TURNS UP THE Kd Qd AND DYNASTY QUICKLY TURNS OVER THE Kh Qh. THEN, THE BABE TURNS UP POCKET JACKS WITH A HELPLESS EXPRESSION ALL OVER HER FACE. I SHAKE MY HEAD AGAIN AND SIGH AND TURN OVER THE Qc. THESE MOOKS DESERVED TO LOSE A LOT MORE IN THIS HAND THAN THEY DID. I SIGH AGAIN AND START TO SLOWLY TURN OVER MY LAST CARD. I CAN FEEL THE TENSION IN VINCE AND DYNASTY'S BODY. ALL OF A SUDDEN I BREAK THE ICE AND LAUGH TURN UP THE ACE OF SPADES. THEY SIT THERE STUNNED AS THE DEALER PUSHES ME ALL THEIR CHIPS. AS SOON AS THE STUN WEARS OFF VINCE BEGINS TO SPLUTTER AND DYNASTY TURNS BEET-RED. ALL OF A SUDDEN, POKERBABE, WHO HAD BEEN SITTING PERFECTLY STILL FOR ABOUT 15 MINUTES, JUMPS UP AND SCREECHES "GET HIM!!!' SHE AND VINCE START COMINMG ACROSS THE TABLE AT ME WHILE DYNASTY MOVES INCREDIBLY SWIFTLY AROUND THE TABLE TO CUT ME OFF. I SEE MY CHANCE AND IN A SPLIT SECOND MANEUVER BEHIND THE COCKTAIL WAITRESS. DYNASTY CRASHES INTO HER AND THE DRINKS FLY ALL OVER VINCE AND THE BABE. IN THE CONFUSION I MANAGE TO MAKE MY ESCAPE AND DON'T RETURN TO THE ROOM TO GET MY CHIPS UNTIL DAYLIGHT. SO HAHAHA YOU FAT HUMPS I BET YOU THOUGHT JOEY WAS GOING TO GET SAVAGED AGAIN IN THIS STORY. JUST LIKE THEY THINK I CAN'T EVER HOLD A GOOD HAND. NEVER UNDERESTIMATE JOEY AND NEVER FORGET IT. ANYWAY, WHEN I GOT MY CHIPS I MADE SURE TO SMIRK AT MASON AS I WAS CASHING OUT, AND THEN I OVERHEARD SKLANSKY TELLING VINCE THAT HE WAS VERY DISAPPOINTED IN ALL THREE OF THEM--THEY SHOUD'VE KNOWN NOT TO GIVE A TERRIBLE PLAYER LIKE ME WHO IS A HIT-AND-RUN ARTIST A CHANCE AT WINNING A MONSTER POT. IF THEY HAD KEPT IT LIMIT AND JUST GROUND ME DOWN HE SAID I WOULD BE SURE TO LOSE ALL MY CHIPS ANYWAY. WELL I GUESS THAT MEANS SKLANSKY JUST NEEDS TO LEARN WHAT IT'S LIKE TO PLAY AGAINST JOEY. ANYWAY, MASON SEEMED TO OVERHEAR THIS CONVERSATION AND HE SUDDENLY GOT A FUNNY LOOK ON HIS FACE LIKE A BRIGHT IDEA JUST CAME OVER HIM. HE QUICKLY PACKED UP ALL HIS CHIPS AND MARCHED OUT OF THE ROOM WITH A FIXED EXPRESSION ON HIS FACE. I YELLED AT HIM DID HE WANT TO PLAY HEADS-UP BUT HE PRETENDED NOT TO HEAR ME AGAIN. WELL THAT'S ALL FOR NOW YOU FAT HUMPS. SEE YA AND WOULDN'T WANT TO BE YA, JOEY