Tails

[Chairman Wood]

Gents, peachy and gorie,
I've thought about this for a long time but I've not shared this thought with many people. I really wish I had a tail. Having a tail would just be spectacular. Not like a dog but more like a monkey, so you are not just knocking over [censored] with it but you can do useful things with it. I would love it so it could hold a drink for me while I am currently typing. It would be awesome if it were strong enough so it could support my weight and I could do pull-ups with it. Perhaps even swing from trees using it like our primate friends. I could use it to turn pages in books while using my other hands for both support and a flashlight to read in the dark. Its utility is bounded only by your imagination. Just think of how much more you could accomplish if you had something that was like another hand, but not quite everything that it had. It would be better in some instances and worse in others. I would estimate that it would be worth 1/2 of a hand. I would like someone (from reading a few of his posts, I would think wacki would be the most qualified) to tell me how far back in our evolutionary past that our tails went away. Also, it would be cool if he (or anyone else) would guess why they went away. Thank you all for your time. Any other comments about my love of a backside attachment are most welcome.
The Chairman

[mason55]

This is called a prehensile tail and I've dreamed of having one for as long as I can remember.

You're not alone.

[dr. klopek]

You guys are weirdos.

[2+2 wannabe]

[ QUOTE ]
I would estimate that it would be worth 1/2 of a hand.

[/ QUOTE ]

lol

p.s. use the enter key

[Chairman Wood]

Honestly though, its not quite as useful, you can hold on to things but not like you would if it were a hand with an aposable (sp?) thumb but you could lift yourself up and swing from poles and trees. You won't be able to type with it our hammer but it would be pretty damn useful.

[[censored]]

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You guys are weirdos.

[/ QUOTE ]

Agreed. There's no room for tail envy in the OOT freaks!

[dr. klopek]

Certainly it's postition on the ass gives it certain distinct advantages, despite it's shortcomings. You could use it like a kickstand when you have to stand up for a long time. Also, you could scratch socially unacceptable places inconspicuously.

[TStoneMBD]

if i was gonna have a tail it would look like this:

http://markmlucas.com/images/invertabrates/yellow%20fat%20tail%204.jpg

[Chairman Wood]

[ QUOTE ]
This is called a prehensile tail and I've dreamed of having one for as long as I can remember.



[/ QUOTE ]
I am a little worried that what you call a prehensile tail is really some kind of psychological disorder or some kind of dreamlike longing for something missing in my life. Perhaps this is why i've been so apprehensive about sharing this with you for so long. I appreciate your bravery. It's just too bad it lost it's usefullness so long ago...

[mason55]

[ QUOTE ]
Certainly it's postition on the ass gives it certain distinct advantages, despite it's shortcomings. You could use it like a kickstand when you have to stand up for a long time. Also, you could scratch socially unacceptable places inconspicuously.

[/ QUOTE ]

You're starting to see the benefits of the tail. Come to the dark side.

[Chairman Wood]

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Also, you could scratch socially unacceptable places inconspicuously.

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I definately meant to include this in the OP but I forgot, thank you so much.

[Chairman Wood]

[ QUOTE ]
despite it's shortcomings

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SHORTCOMINGS, what shortcomings are you talking about??? Nothing about a tail is disadvantageous except the occasionally person stepping on it in a bar. All you have to do is keep it up though. Our perhaps pack it, like long hair under a hat.

[cnfuzzd]

[ QUOTE ]
if i was gonna have a tail it would look like this:

http://markmlucas.com/images/invertabrates/yellow%20fat%20tail%204.jpg

[/ QUOTE ]

No way youre getting laid with that thing,,,

peace

john nickle

[dr. klopek]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
despite it's shortcomings

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SHORTCOMINGS, what shortcomings are you talking about??? Nothing about a tail is disadvantageous except the occasionally person stepping on it in a bar. All you have to do is keep it up though. Our perhaps pack it, like long hair under a hat.

[/ QUOTE ]

If it's worth 1/2 a hand, then having a tail would be less advantageous than having a third hand. Right?

[deacsoft]

I have two questions for you.

1) What are you on?

2)Do you have enough to share?

[Chairman Wood]

[ QUOTE ]
Quote:
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Quote:
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despite it's shortcomings


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SHORTCOMINGS, what shortcomings are you talking about??? Nothing about a tail is disadvantageous except the occasionally person stepping on it in a bar. All you have to do is keep it up though. Our perhaps pack it, like long hair under a hat.


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If it's worth 1/2 a hand, then having a tail would be less advantageous than having a third hand. Right?

[/ QUOTE ]
You previously talked about it as if it were a negative. It is by no means a replacement for a hand, your tail would be in addition to your hands. You don't have to lose a hand to get a tail. Any additional tail would be a very big positive. I can see no negative aspects other than the aforementioned minor inconviences.

[Chairman Wood]

How is this useful?

[TStoneMBD]

you use it to sting the clitoris during penetration.

[jakethebake]

I was very disappointed when my son was born w/o a tail. I will never let him forget what a disappointment this is for me.

[eleventy]

Where exactly are you packing this tail?

[jakethebake]

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I would like someone to tell me how far back in our evolutionary past that our tails went away. Also, it would be cool if he (or anyone else) would guess why they went away.

[/ QUOTE ]

Jesus hates you.

[Patrick del Poker Grande]

[ QUOTE ]
Where exactly are you packing this tail?

[/ QUOTE ]
Three-legged jeans - not any dumber than stonewash!

[heavybody]

I like womens bodies so rather than a tail I would rather have a hot woman's body.

[jakethebake]

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I like womens bodies so rather than a tail I would rather have a hot woman's body.

[/ QUOTE ]

a hot woman's body would look very odd attached to your ass.

[sexypanda]

Sitting wouldn't be as much fun.

[ethan]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
if i was gonna have a tail it would look like this:

http://markmlucas.com/images/invertabrates/yellow%20fat%20tail%204.jpg

[/ QUOTE ]

No way youre getting laid with that thing,,,

peace

john nickle

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http://blog.jcolsen.com/uploads/aids_full.jpg

(Ads from a French safe-sex campaign.)

[TheMainEvent]

I heard an interview with Chris Pontius (from Jackass) and the question was something like "If you had one wish what would it be?" He said he would wish for a prehensile penis. That's about as good an answer there is for that question.

[ QUOTE ]
This is called a prehensile tail and I've dreamed of having one for as long as I can remember.

[/ QUOTE ]