Angry Woman

[Bluffoon]

First a little backround. I am 42 and divorced and so is my girlfiend. She is a nurse and she does shift work.

She came to spend the weekend with me this weekend. She was off friday night and she had to work saturday night. We went out friday night and she slept most of saturday and when she woke up and she wanted to go out and get some work shoes and then take a shower and get ready to go to work.

So since she was going to work I had planned on going down to the trop in AC(I live in Jersey). Now I didnt particularly want to go shopping for shoes and watch her take a shower and stuff so I left early for the trop. Now she is furious with me because I left for AC early instead of going shoe shopping with her.

Did I f up or is she being ridiculous?

[Dynasty]

If you don't stand up for your right not to go shoe shopping now, you'll be going shoe shopping for the rest of this relationship.

[The Stranger]

[ QUOTE ]
I am 42 and divorced and so is my girlfiend.

[/ QUOTE ]

So you come to a forum full of 19 year old drunken horndogs for relationship advice?

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[Bluffoon]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I am 42 and divorced and so is my girlfiend.

[/ QUOTE ]

So you come to a forum full of 19 year old drunken horndogs for relationship advice?

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[/ QUOTE ]

This irony occurred to me however i consider the people who post to these forums in general to be intelligent and a good source of diverse opinions which are worthy of consideration.

[Bluffoon]

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If you don't stand up for your right not to go shoe shopping now, you'll be going shoe shopping for the rest of this relationship.

[/ QUOTE ]

Thank you and its not like I dont do plenty of "shoe shopping". I just chose not to this time.

[hyde]

Quote:
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I am 42 and divorced and so is my girlfiend.


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So you come to a forum full of 19 year old drunken horndogs for relationship advice?



good point.
but in the advice game of course she's F'd up. You can probably manage the situation if you pay more attention to her calendar......
or if she is always loose agressive, just fold.

[Bluffoon]

[ QUOTE ]


Quote:
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I am 42 and divorced and so is my girlfiend.


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So you come to a forum full of 19 year old drunken horndogs for relationship advice?



good point.
but in the advice game of course she's F'd up. You can probably manage the situation if you pay more attention to her calendar......
or if she is always loose agressive, just fold.

[/ QUOTE ]

Good read her calendar is definitely an issue. I wouldnt want to play poker with you.

She is usually extremely low maintenance and in general a good woman. Im not folding yet.

[Josh W]

Before you went to the Trop, did you know she wanted you to go shopping with you?

If yes, you shoulda handled it before leaving.

If no, tell her you didn't now, and next time she should let you know.

I'm not saying you had to go if she wanted you to. But you have the right to know what she wants ahead of time. And if you knew, and didn't tell her no, then yes, you are at fault.

still rambling...

Josh

[deacsoft]

First of all, you've done nothing wrong. The sane world recognizes this and accepts that you don't dig shopping for women's shoes. However, the female world (i.e. your gf) will probably never forgive you for this.

If you want to be "the man" tell her how childish she's being if it comes up again. Don't be the one to bring it up though. If you want to avoid pointless groveling, arugements and such send her some flowers and go shopping when she wants you to as long as it's within reason. Good luck.

Cheers,

deacsoft

[Bluffoon]

[ QUOTE ]
Before you went to the Trop, did you know she wanted you to go shopping with you?

If yes, you shoulda handled it before leaving.

If no, tell her you didn't now, and next time she should let you know.

I'm not saying you had to go if she wanted you to. But you have the right to know what she wants ahead of time. And if you knew, and didn't tell her no, then yes, you are at fault.

still rambling...

Josh

[/ QUOTE ]

When she woke up we discussed our plans. She let me know that she wanted me to come with her and I told her that I didnt want to and then I left. I mean there was more to it than that but thats the gist of it. It wasnt even an argument or anything but I knew she was pissed when I left.

[Bluffoon]

[ QUOTE ]
First of all, you've done nothing wrong. The sane world recognizes this and accepts that you don't dig shopping for women's shoes. However, the female world (i.e. your gf) will probably never forgive you for this.

If you want to be "the man" tell her how childish she's being if it comes up again. Don't be the one to bring it up though. If you want to avoid pointless groveling, arugements and such send her some flowers and go shopping when she wants you to as long as it's within reason. Good luck.

Cheers,

deacsoft

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah I realized right off that I am in a lose-lose situation.

Maybe its time to go "girlfriend shopping".

[Kurn, son of Mogh]

I don't think you give quite enough info for an accurate answer. You said

She came to spend the weekend with me

How far apart do you live?
Do you regularly spend weekends together?
Was her leaving for work the end of the spending the weekend together or was she going back to your place after work?

Disclaimer: Although I am 12 years older than you, I am on my 3rd wife, thus I am no expert. /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[rusellmj]

[ QUOTE ]
If you don't stand up for your right not to go shoe shopping now, you'll be going shoe shopping for the rest of this relationship.

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't know how long you've been seeing this broad but you need to lay the ground rules early so you don't spend the rest of your life a lap dog.

[Bluffoon]

[ QUOTE ]
I don't think you give quite enough info for an accurate answer. You said

She came to spend the weekend with me

How far apart do you live?
Do you regularly spend weekends together?
Was her leaving for work the end of the spending the weekend together or was she going back to your place after work?

Disclaimer: Although I am 12 years older than you, I am on my 3rd wife, thus I am no expert. /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

Hey we learn through failure. I give you a lot of credit for going back to the well a third time.

We live about an hour apart and we reguarly spend the weekends together.

She came back sunday morning but I got the cold shoulder then she went to sleep. I went out in the afternoon before she woke up and gave her some time to get her bearings. I came back about an hour before she had to go to work again and she still wasn't talking to me.

[Rotating Rabbit]

[ QUOTE ]
If you don't stand up for your right not to go shoe shopping now, you'll be going shoe shopping for the rest of this relationship.

[/ QUOTE ]

^ 100% truth

[rusellmj]

[ QUOTE ]
She came back sunday morning but I got the cold shoulder then she went to sleep. I went out in the afternoon before she woke up and gave her some time to get her bearings. I came back about an hour before she had to go to work again and she still wasn't talking to me.

[/ QUOTE ]

My six year old exhibits similar behaviour in order to manipulate me into giving her what she wants.

[Bluffoon]

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[ QUOTE ]
She came back sunday morning but I got the cold shoulder then she went to sleep. I went out in the afternoon before she woke up and gave her some time to get her bearings. I came back about an hour before she had to go to work again and she still wasn't talking to me.

[/ QUOTE ]

My six year old exhibits similar behaviour in order to manipulate me into giving her what she wants.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yes she is usually a little more mature. i felt that her reaction was way out of line with the situation thats why I posted this to see if my perception was accurate. I thought maybe there was something I was missing.

[Clarkmeister]

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Now she is furious with me because I left for AC early instead of going shoe shopping with her.

[/ QUOTE ]

No wonder she's divorced.

[Turkish]

I agree this definitely seems over the top from her, but I don't find it surprising. Different people have different ways of feeling important, and if hers is you spending some time with her shopping, than you should probably do it(in moderation, of course). Only point i'm making is you need to find out what is really most important to her and do that, if you want it to work. If she is wanting something you just don't want to or can't give, then fold.

[Bluffoon]

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Now she is furious with me because I left for AC early instead of going shoe shopping with her.

[/ QUOTE ]

No wonder she's divorced.

[/ QUOTE ]

Well we all have our issues but I see your point. One of the reasons I posted this is that this is very out of character for her. It caught me quite off guard and left me wondering if there was something to it I wasnt seeing.

[Clarkmeister]

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Now she is furious with me because I left for AC early instead of going shoe shopping with her.

[/ QUOTE ]

No wonder she's divorced.

[/ QUOTE ]

Well we all have our issues but I see your point. One of the reasons I posted this is that this is very out of character for her. It caught me quite off guard and left me wondering if there was something to it I wasnt seeing.

[/ QUOTE ]

All I know is that if I were 42, the last thing I would want to deal with is little kid stuff like this. You are grown adults and I damn sure wouldn't want to put up with these silly games. But maybe there was a reason, who knows.

[Bluffoon]

[ QUOTE ]
I agree this definitely seems over the top from her, but I don't find it surprising. Different people have different ways of feeling important, and if hers is you spending some time with her shopping, than you should probably do it(in moderation, of course). Only point i'm making is you need to find out what is really most important to her and do that, if you want it to work. If she is wanting something you just don't want to or can't give, then fold.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is great advice thanks. I agree with you wholeheartedly and I do do quite a bit of "shoe shopping" and I do it gladly. Now that it seems to be a "requirement" I may be a bit less willing. At the very least we have to discuss this, thanks for your input.

[Bluffoon]

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[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
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Now she is furious with me because I left for AC early instead of going shoe shopping with her.

[/ QUOTE ]

No wonder she's divorced.

[/ QUOTE ]

Well we all have our issues but I see your point. One of the reasons I posted this is that this is very out of character for her. It caught me quite off guard and left me wondering if there was something to it I wasnt seeing.

[/ QUOTE ]

All I know is that if I were 42, the last thing I would want to deal with is little kid stuff like this. You are grown adults and I damn sure wouldn't want to put up with these silly games. But maybe there was a reason, who knows.

[/ QUOTE ]

No I dont want to and I wont put up with this nonsense. I have learned however that there are often perspectives I do not see and am not understanding and I dont want to blunder ahead before considering all the angles. She has been a good woman up to this pojnt and it wouldn't want to f it up over something stupid that I could of avoided if I just thought things through.

[Cyrus]

[ QUOTE ]
So you come to a forum full of 19-year old drunken horndogs for relationship advice?

[/ QUOTE ]

The man obviously seeks to know if a wise course of action would be to

put it in her pooper.

[Bluffoon]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
So you come to a forum full of 19-year old drunken horndogs for relationship advice?

[/ QUOTE ]

The man obviously seeks to know if a wise course of action would be to

put it in her pooper.

[/ QUOTE ]

This may be the best advice yet.

[Clarkmeister]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
So you come to a forum full of 19-year old drunken horndogs for relationship advice?

[/ QUOTE ]

The man obviously seeks to know if a wise course of action would be to

put it in her pooper.

[/ QUOTE ]

This may be the best advice yet.

[/ QUOTE ]

And she's older so you've got a hell of a good chance.

[OtisTheMarsupial]

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I am 42 and divorced and so is my girlfiend.

[/ QUOTE ]

So you come to a forum full of 12 year old drunken horndogs for relationship advice?


[/ QUOTE ]

fyp
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[B00T]

All you mention this chick doing besides shopping and working is sleeping. Why does she come over for the weekend while she is working if all she does is sleep.

It sounds like you need a lady with some energy.

[Bluffoon]

[ QUOTE ]
All you mention this chick doing besides shopping and working is sleeping. Why does she come over for the weekend while she is working if all she does is sleep.

It sounds like you need a lady with some energy.

[/ QUOTE ]

She does work the night shift in a trauma center. We all need to sleep and I am willing to work around her unusual schedule to some extent but I do feel a little taken for granted here, Ill admit.

[ChipWrecked]

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I do feel a little taken for granted here,

[/ QUOTE ]

In chick world, this is exactly what she is feeling, guaranteed.

[Bluffoon]

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I do feel a little taken for granted here,

[/ QUOTE ]

In chick world, this is exactly what she is feeling, guaranteed.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yep good point. How would you resolve this?

[ChipWrecked]

Either spend every waking moment of the weekends with her, or find another girlfriend. It doesn't matter to her that what she was doing was shoe shopping. It was the 'being together' part she wanted. You're thinking like a dude.

[disjunction]

If a woman is mad at you for not spending enough time with her, I don't think this a major problem in the general scheme of things. Handle it how you want, but the bottom line is... She just can't get enough of the Bluffoon.

[SpearsBritney]

anything else >>>>>>>> shoe shopping




[ QUOTE ]
i consider the people who post to these forums in general to be intelligent and a good source of diverse opinions which are worthy of consideration.


[/ QUOTE ]

http://img292.echo.cx/img292/4087/laughing6406di5eq.jpg (http://www.imageshack.us)

[Lawrence Ng]

I smell jealous insecure woman here.

Lawrence

[ChipWrecked]

He thinks: I'd rather go to AC than shop for shoes.

She thinks: He'd rather go to AC than be with me.

No wonder there are so many divorced poker players.

[Weatherhead03]

I agree with your thinking

[OtisTheMarsupial]

ChipWrecked is right.

You should have talked this out before leaving. Just say something like, "I'm really not in the mood for shoe shopping. How about we get breakfast together, you get your shoes and I'll go to AC and we'll meet back up for dinner?" Is this really so hard?

Did you say you left while she was in the shower? That's a little passive aggressive or something. You knew she was upset when you left and you didn't call her while you were out "just to say I love you" or bring home flowers or anything? Really, you need to brush up on your g/f skills.

[ChipWrecked]

Don't get me wrong bro, I'm not Dr. Phil or anything. You just have to decide what your priority is, your gf or poker, because it's a very, very rare woman who is willing to take the back seat. How many guys at the last table you sat at were divorced?

It's like the cook Bolivar in 'Lonesome Dove' said, "A wife is like a knife. You have to stroke her every night."

Truer words were never spoken.

[Bluffoon]

[ QUOTE ]
ChipWrecked is right.

You should have talked this out before leaving. Just say something like, "I'm really not in the mood for shoe shopping. How about we get breakfast together, you get your shoes and I'll go to AC and we'll meet back up for dinner?" Is this really so hard?

Did you say you left while she was in the shower? That's a little passive aggressive or something. You knew she was upset when you left and you didn't call her while you were out "just to say I love you" or bring home flowers or anything? Really, you need to brush up on your g/f skills.

[/ QUOTE ]

We did talk about it before I left and she copped an attitude right away. I gave her a kiss before I left and she wasnt responsive. I could have called her but I didnt want to get into a fight. I figured we could talk about it in the am and hopefully she would have relaxed a little but when I tried she wasnt interested so I gave her some space.

You guys are right about her feeling I didnt want to be with her. I didnt see that at all. Very guylike and un-empathetic of me. I didnt see what the big deal was and was a little blindsided by her reaction.

This will be a good starting point when (If haha) she decides she wants to talk about it. I think I can make her feel like she is wanted and loved and still reserve my right to not go shoe shopping if I dont want to. Good test anyway. I will see if she is reasonable or if she just wants to keep me on a leash.

See all you doubters I knew I could get good advice at OOT.

[daveymck]

My GF used to work nights and doing 2 in a row for her was a guarenteed bad mood so that will be part along with the you dont want to spend time with me thing, a lethal combination combined in with PMT (whicever of the three of these she currently has) you are guarenteed to be on a loser.