OMFG!!! How would you handle this??(Mild gay content)

[Talk2BigSteve]

Tonight I get a phone call from David. He is crying but he won't tell me what is wrong. He asks me to meet him at the Joe Muggs at Books-A-Million, he has to tell me something face to face. So I haul ass there thinking something is terribly wrong.

I get there and he is out on the porch and he has stopped crying but you can tell he has been. I go in and come back out to the porch and sit down with him.

I again ask him what is wrong.....

And he [censored] tells me!!!

But when the first words out of someones mouth are "Steve you know I love you but" When you hear the words "You know I love you but" you know you are in for one hell of a story so you better be sitting down!!!

Well after the but he continues to tell me that he knows that he is gay and all but he has "experimented" with being straight. The he starts crying again...

He then drops the bomb on me!!!

He had gone out with a girl from MCC(Meridian Community College)a couple times a few weeks ago and they had sex and she told him today she missed her period and found out that she is pregnant over a week ago but was scared to tell him. /images/graemlins/shocked.gif /images/graemlins/confused.gif /images/graemlins/mad.gif

Well we have been going out for just a week, we have been freinds for a few years and I had know that he was questioning things due to his parent's christian beliefs. (This is not a bash christians post so don't flame) What I did not know is that he had gone out with this girl or that he had sex with her.

He then goes on to say that he knows he will be a supporting father, but he is not ready to be a dad. He definately does not want to get married. He said if I leave him over this he completely understands, but does not want this to ruin the friendship that we have had for a few years.

I told him that this is alot to take in right now, and the best thing for the both of us, is to just take some time to think about things.

So what the [censored] should I do now with Mr. A1 Steak Sauce???

I need some advice!!!

Big Steve /images/graemlins/cool.gif

[gumpzilla]

[ QUOTE ]

So what the [censored] should I do now with Mr. A1 Steak Sauce???

[/ QUOTE ]

This is a pretty hard question to answer from the outside, I think. I got the impression from your previous post that you really like him. On the other hand, above and beyond the cheating issues, any kind of long term relationship with this guy is going to potentially involve his kid, which is probably something that I'm guessing you're not too used to thinking about. That seems likely to be a crapload of drama and complications, even more than normal given what it sounds like the situation with his parents is.

Hmmm, maybe it's not as hard to answer as I thought. Things seem likely to get super messy and unpleasant. That's not necessarily a bad thing if you're really, really positive that you think it's worth fighting through that. But I'm guessing you probably don't. So I think maybe the right move is to scale back the romantic portion of your relationship with this guy and find another man. If you can do this and still be friends with him, I think that would be good, but I think he seems likely to be way too much trouble for an intimate relationship.

[krazyace5]

A-1 steak sauce IS mass produced...

Make sure he gets a dna test, it could be anyones baby, maybe yours /images/graemlins/shocked.gif Just ask Maury! lol

[Talk2BigSteve]

It is hard to figure out because it is not really a cheating issue, as we were not dating a few weeks ago. Also he recongizes that there is a difference between a father and a dad, which IMHO is a plus.

But I do not want kids (at least now), and not for the reasons that you may think. I live in Bible Belt and I refuse to have my child teased by other kids because they have 2 daddies.

I don't know what to do.

(Side note: I started smoking again! This was just too much!)

Big Steve /images/graemlins/cool.gif

[jakethebake]

Drop him like a steak with A1 on it.

[LazyRobot]

Go Here (http://gamers.experimentations.org/)

"Well we have been going out for just a week"

Cya A1 sauce...

[JackWilson]

I don't see what the big issue is. Support him for now (as a friend) and see how the situation develops over a while. It's a shock, sure, but it's not like you and him were super-close in a relationship context so IMO you don't have to do anything right now. This is something he has to sort out for himself. There doesn't seem to be anything for you to think about at the moment. Just take it easy and let him take the lead with this.

However, I would be quite concerned that he engaged in unprotected sex with a girl as "an experiment". I know I don't have to say any more on this.

[2+2 wannabe]

[ QUOTE ]
Support him for now (as a friend) and see how the situation develops over a while.

[/ QUOTE ]

[gumpzilla]

[ QUOTE ]
It is hard to figure out because it is not really a cheating issue, as we were not dating a few weeks ago. Also he recongizes that there is a difference between a father and a dad, which IMHO is a plus.

[/ QUOTE ]

Okay, I'd missed that before. That's one less strike against him, then. However, particularly since it sounds like you guys haven't been in the romantic framework very long, it seems possible that you might still be able to successfully back off from that and remain friends with this guy, which in my opinion is likely to be the best thing for everybody involved. It strikes me as a basically good thing to try and help him out through this, but doing so in a way that ties you to the situation as little as possible seems likely to be much better for you.

[ QUOTE ]
But I do not want kids (at least now), and not for the reasons that you may think. I live in Bible Belt and I refuse to have my child teased by other kids because they have 2 daddies.

[/ QUOTE ]

I understand. Even if you wanted kids, though, I think this situation would still be incredibly awkward. What is likely to be particularly bad about it is that not only will there be a kid, but a kid that A1 guy is going to probably feel pretty strangely about, and a kid that his God-fearing parents are likely to give him incredible [censored] about, assuming they find about it. So he's going to be in a pretty freaked out state of mind, which doesn't seem conducive to a good relationship.

Is the woman definitely keeping the baby?

[cnfuzzd]

quid pro quo.

I would recommend being completely honest with boy about your feelings on the situation, whatever they may be. You are in no way responsible here, so dont let the good friend aspect of your relationship with boy subvert the signficant other part.

If you feel like you shouldnt be going out with boy any more, well, tell him you want to put things on hold to reduce the emotional pressure he is facing, then dump the bi curious bastard later. However, that seems pretty irrational since he didnt cheat on you, and who really cares if he wanted to chase some vag for awhile?

Also, i personally would find out what his thoughts are on the whole having children thing, and hers, and perhaps encourage them to look for options outside of keeping the child, either abortion or adoption. It doesnt really sound like either of these kids are ready to be parents, and they are probably not emotionally stable enough to be rational. Be there, be supportive, but also be ready to help boy figure out what is best for *his* future, not this ill-concieved gay-spawn. /images/graemlins/cool.gif

ok, the quid quo pro part.

Most heterosexuals who upon breaking up with someone and finding out that later became gay have two responses, almost uniformly divided along lines of sex. Males are almost always ok with it, because the ex is now cleaning carpet, which is hot. Chicks are usually not ok because it means that she hurt the boy somehow. Or whatever.

Does this same feeling occur in homosexual relationships? Whats that like?

peace

john nickle

[Talk2BigSteve]

[ QUOTE ]
Is the woman definitely keeping the baby?

[/ QUOTE ]

Oh yeah!

Big Steve /images/graemlins/cool.gif

[JackWilson]

[ QUOTE ]
Most heterosexuals who upon breaking up with someone and finding out that later became gay have two responses, almost uniformly divided along lines of sex. Males are almost always ok with it, because the ex is now cleaning carpet, which is hot. Chicks are usually not ok because it means that she hurt the boy somehow. Or whatever.

Does this same feeling occur in homosexual relationships? Whats that like?

[/ QUOTE ]

I imagine the OOT sample size for this is going to be very small. I don't know anyone nor have I ever been in a situation where someone I broke up with went straight. If I had to guess I'd say it would depend heavily on how serious it was. I think in a really serious relationship I'd end up feeling hurt that I put a lot of time, effort and love into a relationship that was basically a lie. That's the selfish point of view, I think.

[Talk2BigSteve]

[ QUOTE ]
I don't see what the big issue is. Support him for now (as a friend) and see how the situation develops over a while. It's a shock, sure, but it's not like you and him were super-close in a relationship context so IMO you don't have to do anything right now. This is something he has to sort out for himself. There doesn't seem to be anything for you to think about at the moment. Just take it easy and let him take the lead with this.

However, I would be quite concerned that he engaged in unprotected sex with a girl as "an experiment". I know I don't have to say any more on this.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah No SIHT right??? I think that thought hit me more than the I am going to be a daddy part.

I am the Queen of Condoms, I even have flavored ones for....well you get the picture /images/graemlins/smirk.gif

Big Steve /images/graemlins/cool.gif

[cnfuzzd]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Is the woman definitely keeping the baby?

[/ QUOTE ]

Oh yeah!

Big Steve /images/graemlins/cool.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

ouch. that changes my advice. Hum,,, i dunno, probably would be best if you encouraged boy to discuss this brilliant plan with the girl, and try to perhaps get her to see the light. If not, well, he should probably fulfill whatever obligation he feels is justifed, but, as for your relationship, this adds a whole new level of drama which may be best avoided in the first place.

peace

john nickle

[JackWilson]

[ QUOTE ]
But I do not want kids (at least now), and not for the reasons that you may think. I live in Bible Belt and I refuse to have my child teased by other kids because they have 2 daddies.


[/ QUOTE ]

I think you really need to chill out with this line of thought. You're not married to David.

EDIT: One thing you can possibly start thinking about is whether David is in fact ready for a serious homosexual relationship (not that yours sounded serious yet, but I'm assuming part of the reason why you're freaked out is that you think it might become serious in future). Not only does he need to be very convinced of his sexuality (either way), but you need to be too. This type of faith, once broken, can be hard to restore (speaking from experience, although not directly related to sexuality).

[Talk2BigSteve]

[ QUOTE ]


ok, the quid quo pro part.

Most heterosexuals who upon breaking up with someone and finding out that later became gay have two responses, almost uniformly divided along lines of sex. Males are almost always ok with it, because the ex is now cleaning carpet, which is hot. Chicks are usually not ok because it means that she hurt the boy somehow. Or whatever.

Does this same feeling occur in homosexual relationships? Whats that like?

peace

john nickle

[/ QUOTE ]

It is the same, it is like he left me for a him, well he is hot, but it won't last, I give it a week and then he will be on to the next cumdumpster. Gay Guys can be so cruel. But If it is a girl he becomes the trash of the Queermunity, and you kick that carpet muncher to the curb, I mean that is like a life sentence at Pound Me In The Ass Prison...well maybe that is not a good analogy...Jesus even analogy has Anal in it...EXAMPLE that is not a good EXAMPLE.

Big Steve /images/graemlins/cool.gif

[LazyRobot]

Exactly...

1 week of dating does not mean a commitment

[Talk2BigSteve]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
But I do not want kids (at least now), and not for the reasons that you may think. I live in Bible Belt and I refuse to have my child teased by other kids because they have 2 daddies.


[/ QUOTE ]

I think you really need to chill out with this line of thought. You're not married to David.

[/ QUOTE ]

You Chill Jack, that was an "In General" statement.

Good Lord, I know I am 30 but I am far from settling down.

Big Steve /images/graemlins/cool.gif

[LazyRobot]

However you're 30 and having issues with a fling and willing to post on 2=2 about it...????

[Talk2BigSteve]

[ QUOTE ]
However you're 30 and having issues with a fling and willing to post on 2=2 about it...????

[/ QUOTE ]

2=2 /images/graemlins/shocked.gif Holy [censored] I am in the wrong forum! Thank you so much!!! /images/graemlins/grin.gif
Big Steve /images/graemlins/cool.gif

[LazyRobot]

blah, I am playing poker and missed a shift.

dear god...

[JackWilson]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
But I do not want kids (at least now), and not for the reasons that you may think. I live in Bible Belt and I refuse to have my child teased by other kids because they have 2 daddies.


[/ QUOTE ]

I think you really need to chill out with this line of thought. You're not married to David.

[/ QUOTE ]

You Chill Jack, that was an "In General" statement.

Good Lord, I know I am 30 but I am far from settling down.

Big Steve /images/graemlins/cool.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

I think you'll forgive me for making that jump of logic, seeing as this was posted in a thread about your boyfriend receiving the shock news that he is going to become a father. I apologize if I've misunderstood.

[Talk2BigSteve]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
But I do not want kids (at least now), and not for the reasons that you may think. I live in Bible Belt and I refuse to have my child teased by other kids because they have 2 daddies.


[/ QUOTE ]

I think you really need to chill out with this line of thought. You're not married to David.

[/ QUOTE ]

You Chill Jack, that was an "In General" statement.

Good Lord, I know I am 30 but I am far from settling down.

Big Steve /images/graemlins/cool.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

I think you'll forgive me for making that jump of logic, seeing as this was posted in a thread about your boyfriend receiving the shock news that he is going to become a father. I apologize if I've misunderstood.

[/ QUOTE ]

Not a Problem!

Big Steve /images/graemlins/cool.gif

[OtisTheMarsupial]

Just relax. Be the guy's friend. Take things really slowly.

And you might want to reconsider posting private personal things like this on a poker forum where A1 might one day see. Or his "girlfriend" might read. Or his mom. Or the kid...

[jgorham]

[ QUOTE ]


2=2 /images/graemlins/shocked.gif Holy [censored] I am in the wrong forum! Thank you so much!!! /images/graemlins/grin.gif
Big Steve /images/graemlins/cool.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

Haha that was excellent. Questions: does this girl know that David is gay? How does she feel about it? How involved does she want him to be with her child? I just imagine her freaking out and never letting David see the child (or at least not while you are around, if you still are) because he is gay.

As far as advice goes, I think you need to wait and see how this affects David. I mean, initial reactions aside, this may completely change him, or it may not - hard to know if you should date him until you see that.

[LazyRobot]

"does this girl know that David is gay?"

Does David even know if David is gay? See why this is a problem? (and yes I forgot to shift the '=' key. Dear gods, like he doesn't know where the [censored] he is.

[Matt Flynn]

Steve,

Friends are worth a great deal and are worth forgiving. You know this. Be there for him and be grateful you are not him.

Matt

[Talk2BigSteve]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]


2=2 /images/graemlins/shocked.gif Holy [censored] I am in the wrong forum! Thank you so much!!! /images/graemlins/grin.gif
Big Steve /images/graemlins/cool.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

Haha that was excellent. Questions: does this girl know that David is gay? How does she feel about it? How involved does she want him to be with her child? I just imagine her freaking out and never letting David see the child (or at least not while you are around, if you still are) because he is gay.

As far as advice goes, I think you need to wait and see how this affects David. I mean, initial reactions aside, this may completely change him, or it may not - hard to know if you should date him until you see that.

[/ QUOTE ]

These are great questions!!!

I need to make a list and ask him these?

You are right I would hate to see him get married because it is the right Christian thing to do. But I also don't want him to be out of the childs life if he decided to say gay. /images/graemlins/confused.gif

Big Steve /images/graemlins/cool.gif

[Talk2BigSteve]

[ QUOTE ]
Steve,

Friends are worth a great deal and are worth forgiving. You know this. Be there for him and be grateful you are not him.

Matt

[/ QUOTE ]

I totally agree, I can not imagine what must be going through his mind now.

Big Steve /images/graemlins/cool.gif

[drexah]

i am really starting to think that you are a fictional character, Bigsteve. anyways, crazy situation, not sure what advice to give (if real)

[SippinSoma]

Let him be str8 again.

PS: I'm drunk az fuk.

[pmuir10]

[ QUOTE ]

PS: I'm drunk az fuk.

[/ QUOTE ]

good for you (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=2444737&page=0&view=colla psed&sb=5&o=14&fpart=1&vc=1#Post2444737)

[SippinSoma]

ps: WTF ARE YOU DOING ON OOT AT 4 AM SOBER? KILL YOURSELF.

[GuyOnTilt]

Steve, your posts keep getting better and better. Keep it up.

GoT

[Luv2DriveTT]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Steve,

Friends are worth a great deal and are worth forgiving. You know this. Be there for him and be grateful you are not him.

Matt

[/ QUOTE ]

I totally agree, I can not imagine what must be going through his mind now.

Big Steve /images/graemlins/cool.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

Steve:

Does she know he is gay? Does HE know he is gay? Is this his first woman? Does he normally practice safe sex with you? With other men? Will she accept him a a father once she knows about his relationship with you or any other man?

Best part is, he won't be a daddy for another 8-9 months. By then you will have plenty of time to work this out. If everyone decides to live together in harmony, then it might become 2 men and a baby in another state to support the freedom of your lifestyles.

Good luck...

PS: Have him get an AIDS and STD test ASAP. Sounds like he takes some risky practices.

TT /images/graemlins/club.gif

[BOTW]

[ QUOTE ]
(Side note: I started smoking again! This was just too much!)


[/ QUOTE ] Don't give up your quit. Stick with it. quitnet.com has some awesome stuff. Don't use this as an excuse to continue smoking.

Most kids are lucky to have one dad, maybe this one gets two, or maybe he gets none. Mr. A1 is obviously more confused than you. No one knows the answers. Just support him in the best way you can. Relax, take a breath. But don't smoke!

[Rotating Rabbit]

Poor kid.

[Bluffoon]

Way too much drama... Dump him. Unless you like drama.

[Los Feliz Slim]

[ QUOTE ]
I live in Bible Belt

[/ QUOTE ]

Solve the above problem, the rest becomes much easier.

[bisonbison]

Dear Steve,

When you talk to David, you must refer to this woman as his babymama.

That is all.

[chesspain]

[ QUOTE ]
Well we have been going out for just a week, we have been friends for a few years...

[/ QUOTE ]

What exactly does this mean? Are you simply saying that you were buddies/aquaintences until last week, at which point you began having sex? Or was their any emotional intimacy before you began "going out?"




[ QUOTE ]
He had gone out with a girl from MCC(Meridian Community College)a couple times a few weeks ago and they had sex...

[/ QUOTE ]

So he says he loves you, even though the two of you have been "going out" for only one week, and even though he was dating a woman in the weeks prior.

I think that you need to take a step back here, and not get caught up in the drama of your friend's life. I certainly hope he will take financial/moral responsibility for his actions as it relates to his possibly becoming a father. But I would caution you about making any future plans with someone who is clearly confused and immature.

[ethan]

[ QUOTE ]
Dear Steve,

When you talk to David, you must refer to this woman as his babymama.

That is all.

[/ QUOTE ]
Ideally, try to involve the phrase "babymama drama".