How does your spouse / significant other deal with your play?

[octaveshift]

I play a few SNGs every evening. On weekends, I will play a MTT if I find something that looks interesting. In short, I play every day.

I generally play from my laptop, while my wife is watching TV.

She's great about it. I have told her many times that she should let me know if she ever had a problem with my playing so often, and she has, on occasion, asked if I would shut it down, and I always have.

Just curious what it is like for other folks... Does it ever cause problems? If so, how do you address them?

[AnonymousGambler]

My wife doesn't have a problem with my play.

I also will play on a laptop while we watch TV, and will stay up late on weekend nights after she goes to sleep.

Every month I take half of what I've won that month and we buy something with it. It might be something fun or something for the house, but at least it's with other people's money.

[Bodhi]

My fiancee and I don't watch TV, so I mostly play when she's at work teaching in the evenings. Sometimes she worries that I put too much energy into poker and not enough into getting my [censored] together for gradschool. In any case, taking her out to dinner with my winnings makes her happy.

[BigBaitsim (milo)]

I mostly play after she and the kids have gone to bed for the night. Sometimes I get an hour in between dinner and bathtime.

Since my poker play covers the mortgage each month, she rarely objects and is my biggest supporter.

Mrs. Milo rocks.

[evans075]

I'm a college student and mine at first would nag at me saying I spent more time on that online poker stuff that I did with her. Thats when I compromised and told her my goals, and when I reached each goal she would be rewarded. First one was when I reached 1000 I would buy her a pair of those outragous $150 pair of jeans. That shut her up quick. I figure its +EV b/c I get to keep playing in peace. She even plays a few hands for me when I need to piss.

[LetYouDown]

[ QUOTE ]
I would buy her a pair of those outragous $150 pair of jeans.

[/ QUOTE ]
Sevens? LOL...if so, I had to buy a pair of those not too long ago. Women are fascinated by the strangest things.

[evans075]

That is correct. How can women spend $150 on a pair of jeans. Thats about how much my clothing in its entirety cost. IT'S CRAZY!!!

[LetYouDown]

LOL. I'm in completely agreement. They look nice enough, but if you can't find a pair of jeans for under $50, you're not looking hard enough. What exactly separates one kind of denim from another?

[toots]

Why would someone spend $150 on jeans?

Someone would if they're terribly concerned about their appearance. Of course, since guys seem to put appearance above all else when choosing women, such an attribute in a woman wouldn't be surprising.

[LetYouDown]

You're right. Just the other day I was out and I tapped my buddy on the shoulder and said "Look at the JEANS on that chick!".

[toots]

No, but you might look at her butt, and if the jeans do a particularly good job of accentuating the butt, then they might be +EV.

[Hoopster81]

WRONG

Women like expensive isht because they know that other women will know that isht is expensive and actually respect them because of that. It's all about status.

P.S. Women are crazy.

[LetYouDown]

Couldn't agree more. They're more interested in what other women think than what men think. Oddly enough, I just broke up with my girlfriend 5 minutes ago. I don't think I'll miss the jeans though.

[USGrant]

I'm having a particularly rough time with it because my fiance is studying to be a licensed therapist, with a specialization in addiction. She also does not differentiate in the slightest bit between -EV and +EV gambling. She just does not like gambling, period, regardless of whatever positive probability edge is being pushed. She's a whiz in stats and probability, so she understands +EV intellectually, she just hates gambling across the board b/c of what it does to people's lives.

It's a little delicate, the whole issue. But I'm making money and paying some of the bills with it, so it could be worse for her. She thinks I should be spending my time in a more constructive, healthy manner. I don't think there is anything more constructive and healthy than a nice +50BB session at the tables.

I see her general point about balancing my free time between poker and other activities, but I'm not really balancing just yet. We've worked out some sort of "don't ask, don't tell" situation in which I play when she's not around or when she's asleep. It kind of sucks.

[turnipmonster]

mine recognizes it as something I enjoy doing, very similarly to how I look at her watching TV. she occasionally challenges me to a heads up freezout but other than that does not really play.

[BigBaitsim (milo)]

[ QUOTE ]
I'm having a particularly rough time with it because my fiance is studying to be a licensed therapist, with a specialization in addiction. She also does not differentiate in the slightest bit between -EV and +EV gambling. She just does not like gambling, period, regardless of whatever positive probability edge is being pushed. She's a whiz in stats and probability, so she understands +EV intellectually, she just hates gambling across the board b/c of what it does to people's lives.

It's a little delicate, the whole issue. But I'm making money and paying some of the bills with it, so it could be worse for her. She thinks I should be spending my time in a more constructive, healthy manner. I don't think there is anything more constructive and healthy than a nice +50BB session at the tables.

I see her general point about balancing my free time between poker and other activities, but I'm not really balancing just yet. We've worked out some sort of "don't ask, don't tell" situation in which I play when she's not around or when she's asleep. It kind of sucks.

[/ QUOTE ]

The DSM clearly differentiates between "professional gambling" and "pathological gambling." While there is overlap in the behaviors exhibited by the professional and the pathological gambler, the distinction is very important.

Dr. Milo

[Jeffage]

If poker is important to you, you better REALLY work this out before you get married rather than avoid talking about it. B/C the minute you get married, she will likely put her foot down and this will be a huge issue.

Jeff

[kiddj]

My wife was a little annoyed with my playing, but she knows it's either i play poker or watch porn on the computer. She prefers poker. Also, she was happy when I told her that i had withdrawn my original investment and was playing with winnings. Also, I showed her how much $ i had made from playing microlimits. No more nagging.

[dcasper70]

USGrant hit the keyword:
"balance"

If your woman is nagging you, there are mainly 3 possible reasons.
1. You play too much
2. You lose too much
3. You have the wrong woman

If you lose too much, you're probably not on this site reading this...

Of the other two, one of these must adjust, and we all know that the wife/fiance/girlfriend most likely won't change her attitude. So you gotta ask yourself if you'd be happy playing less and keeping her happy, or start looking for another lady. Essentially, what's your priority?

Luckily I'm in the same boat as the OP. Wife let's me play as much as I like, but I make certain I don't abuse that luxury. If she (rarely) wants it shut off, it's off.

[BigBaitsim (milo)]

[ QUOTE ]


Luckily I'm in the same boat as the OP. Wife let's me play as much as I like, but I make certain I don't abuse that luxury. If she (rarely) wants it shut off, it's off.

[/ QUOTE ]

That really helps. The wife rarely asks, but knows that if she does, unclick auto-post, and be up when the blinds come around. This (accurate) sense of control makes her much more comfortable with my play and is very +EV.

[Hoopster81]

[ QUOTE ]
I just broke up with my girlfriend 5 minutes ago.

[/ QUOTE ]

You've got more heart than me, my man.

[Hoopster81]

After hearing all these stories, I guess I am lucky. My GF and I both started playing seriously about 9 months ago. It started out as just me playing and her watching. But as time went on, she started playing more and it was me who was watching a lot of the time.

Now, between the two of us, we average ~8 hours/day 8 tabling. One of us will play until they need a break, and the other will take over. The money we play with is all technically mine (well the initial deposit was, but that has long since been covered), but the winnings go to stuff that both of us can enjoy (laptop, new TV, etc.). It works out really well.

I guess I should start to appreciate more how good I have it after hearing about your ball-busters.

[dan123]

i just buy hookers for a night so i dont have some hag nagging at me.

[diebitter]

[ QUOTE ]
i just buy hookers for a night so i dont have some hag nagging at me.

[/ QUOTE ]

I hear you. Money can't buy you love, but you can use it to rent...

[Bluffoon]

I taught my gf to play and when she comes over if i turn my back she is on my computer playing and sitngo.

We play together alot and it is nice to be able to share my hobby with my SO. I wouldnt mind if she didnt like poker so long as I was able to get in a reasonable amount of poker time without catching any flak.

If poker is a problem in a relationship I would say something is not right and I would do some self examination and start a dialogue with my SO to see if the issues behind the friction could be resolved.

If I took a good look at my behaviour and was satisfied that I was being fair and resonable then the SO would be replaced with a less controlling model.

[LuvDemNutz]

[ QUOTE ]
After hearing all these stories, I guess I am lucky. My GF and I both started playing seriously about 9 months ago. It started out as just me playing and her watching. But as time went on, she started playing more and it was me who was watching a lot of the time.

Now, between the two of us, we average ~8 hours/day 8 tabling. One of us will play until they need a break, and the other will take over. The money we play with is all technically mine (well the initial deposit was, but that has long since been covered), but the winnings go to stuff that both of us can enjoy (laptop, new TV, etc.). It works out really well.

I guess I should start to appreciate more how good I have it after hearing about your ball-busters.

[/ QUOTE ]

If my girl enjoyed playing poker AND played it well, I'd be the happiest guy there is.

[LetYouDown]

[ QUOTE ]
You've got more heart than me, my man.

[/ QUOTE ]
LOL, why's that?

[the_joker]

I play in a weekly SNG home game. We usually start at 7pm and play 3 or 4 games until all hours of the night. If my wife wants to spend time together in the evening, I'll spend time with her, then slip out after she is asleep. Sometimes she's not real thrilled about it, but oh well, that's poker...

[HRFats]

My wife commented last week that she thought I had a gambling problem (I play 5-6 nights a week from 10pm to midnight after everyone is in bed). I argued with her for a while, then told her to quit arguing and go look at the online bank acct and all the deposits over the last two months. She has said nothing since...

[VoraciousReader]

USGrant, it's funny. Reverse the genders, and you've got the ongoing debate between me and the boyfriend.

He also makes no distinction between profitable and non-profitable gambling. He defines gambling as addictive behavior; therefore it should NOT be done regularly, period. The fact that I play virtually every day now has become an ongoing source of friction. He is actually displeased that so far it has been profitable for me. He thinks if I hit a bad streak that it would encourage me to quit.

Of course, from my point of view, the time I spend on poker is roughly equivalent to the time he spends playing PlayStation, viewing internet porn, and doing personal programming. My argument is that not only do I like it, but it's not costing me; in fact I am making money! I don't complain about these things he does that he enjoys so...

If I'm truly honest, though, I have to concede 2 points. 1)Recently I've been playing more SNGs, so it's not always possible for me to stop on a moment's notice and give him my full attention. 2)In addition to play time, I also study poker books and occasionally watch it on TV, so there's no question I'm very focused on it. (But that's how I am with everything I'm passionate about: from NCAA basketball to cooking...and that's usually a good thing for him!)

I don't really know how we'll resolve it. He keeps hoping I'll lose interest, and I keep getting more interested. Let me know if you and your fiancee come up with any brilliant solutions.

[bblock99]

My girlfriend absolutely hates it. She says that it has consumed me and that it is all that i talk about. This may be true, but all of my other friends play as well, and we are all winning players. She can't complain though, it pays for my tuition, rent and living expenses, as well as nice gifts for her. She's studying abroad this semester, so I've been playing like mad, knowing that she probably won't want me to play the first week or so that she is back. She didn't complain when I went to Europe to visit her during spring break. If i didn't have poker, there's no way I could have made that trip.

[imported_bingobazza]

One girlfriend, during a long poker session, when she was figeting in her seat feeling a bit horny and neglected remarked to me...

'You love poker more than you love me'

I was losing heavily, and didnt want to stop playing, Without missing a beat I retorted...

'I love cricket more than I love you'

to which she replied...

'But you hate cricket'....

'I know, theres the door love.....' Was my witty comeback.

And you never knew tilting could cost you more than money...

Bingo