Drama over the weekend, friend gets a DWI - is this my fault?

[ChoicestHops]

Saturday night me and some friends went to a house for a moderately sized party. A buddy of mine who I havent see in awhile came down from college to kick it also. Well, throughout the night and after many beers and Early Times mixed drink combinations, me and his x-girlfriend end up hooking up.

Now, I know the rule. Yet, they dated probably two years ago. He got pretty pissed when he caught us hooking up and caused a big scene, almost to the point of physically fighting with the girl. Too my knowledge I wansn't the one making the moves either. She made moves on me in the hot tub way early in the morning.

I dont remember everything from the night, just bits and pieces, but at about 7am another buddy decides to take this guy home because he's causing so much drama. On the way, he gets pulled over and gets nailed for a DWI. Is this my fault? I feel insanely guilty about this. If we hadnt hooked up, there wouldn't have been drama, thus my friend never would have left and ended up with a DWI.

[whiskeytown]

not your fault - let it go...

RB

[ChoicestHops]

See, he always drinks and drives. So it was only a matter of time before he got hit with it. But, I can't stop myself from thinking that if I hadn't hooked up with her then maybe he would have crashed at the house instead of driving that morning.

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
not your fault - let it go...

[/ QUOTE ]

[tbach24]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
not your fault - let it go...

[/ QUOTE ]

[/ QUOTE ]

[asofel]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
not your fault - let it go...

[/ QUOTE ]

[/ QUOTE ]

[/ QUOTE ]

what they said

[schwza]

[ QUOTE ]
almost to the point of physically fighting with the girl

[/ QUOTE ]

retroactively clears you of any wrongdoing for hooking up with her.

[Dex]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
not your fault - let it go...

[/ QUOTE ]

[/ QUOTE ]

[/ QUOTE ]

what they said

[/ QUOTE ]

[miajag81]

If I were in this situtation I would be more pissed that the douchebag who almost hit a girl didn't die in a fiery crash than that my friend got a DWI. Still sucks though -- and not your fault at all.

[Bluffoon]

How are you responsible for his decision to drive drunk? And thank god (just a figure of speech DS) he got a DWI instead of killing a bunch of innocent people in his drunken stupor. Hopefully he will wake up and see how stupid it is to drink and drive before anybody gets hurt or killed.

[slickpoppa]

This thread is starting to remind me of the scene in Good Will Hunting where Robin Williams says it's not your fault 10 times and Matt Damon breaks down crying.

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
This thread is starting to remind me of the scene in Good Will Hunting where Robin Williams says it's not your fault 10 times and Matt Damon breaks down crying.

[/ QUOTE ]

Wait. Did I miss something? Was someone molested or beaten at this party?

[poker-penguin]

[ QUOTE ]
See, he always drinks and drives. So it was only a matter of time before he got hit with it.

[/ QUOTE ]

In that case, he's a douche.

[Bob L]

To me its quite obvious that your not feeling guilty for the DWI but more for hooking up with his ex.This just begs the question - how cool is it to hook up with friends' ex girlfriends?In my mind it is generally a nono- but should also depend on several factors -ie how long had they previously gone out for and how serious was it?How good of friends are you with your buddy?Did he break up with her or vice versa?
Just my 2 cents...

[bump]

There are many issues at play in this situation.

1) If you did not hook up with your friend's ex then he would not have become irate, he would not have gotten belligerent, and he would not have been taken home by the drunk driver. Therefore it can be said that if you had not hooked up with this girl then your friend would have not gotten a DWI.

2) If this person (the irate ex) was your friend you should have probably not hooked up with the girl without asking his permission first. This is a betrayal of friendship. There are mitigating circumstances: That they have been broken up for two years and that you have not been in contact with the 'friend' for many years and are not as close with him as you once were. That there was booze involved, and that she made the move on you. However, the right thing to do would have been to ask him or to decline the ass. You ARE at fault to some degree for the betrayal of friendship.

3) Your 'friend' did not handle the situation well. He was angry at you and was aggressive toward the girl. He was in the wrong for his behavior even though he had a reason to be angry he is responsible for his actions that followed. He was wrong in the way that he acted.

4) The driver was trying to alleviate the situation by taking your irate 'friend' home. The drive has a history of driving under the influence and has no problem with breaking the law and putting others in harms way. The driver is wrong for driving drunk. Eventhough he was trying to alleviate the situation there is no excuse for driving drunk. The fact that he often drives drunk means that the DWI was an eventuality, hopefully he will learn his lesson and behave more responsibly in the future. Things could have been much worse had he gotten into an accident and harmed himself or others, in that respect he got off easy.

5) The person hosting the party is legally liable for the actions of his dring guests leaving the party. Had the driver hit someone and caused injuries you could bet that the host would have been sued for everything that he owns. The host is at fault for letting someone who was drunk leave his party.

This would not have happened if you had not hooked up with your 'friend's' ex but it is not your fault. In assessing blame I would say that the driver is the most 'at fault,' then the host, then the angry 'friend,' then the ex- gf & you tied. This reminds me of the Simpsons Treehouse of Horrors episode where Homer goes back in time, swats a mesquito and everything in the future changed. It was not Homer's fault that the future changed but had he not done so the world would have been stable.

A more realistic example is the recent thread in Mid-High LHE where a player called a string bet, and ended up getting a bottle smashed over his head. In this scenario it was not the fault of any of the other players at the table however if they had not been playing in the hand the cards would have been different and the whole situation would not have happened. Just because they sat in and were dealt cards does not make them 'at fault' for what followed. Here is that thread for those who missed it. It is a great thread, check it out. 100 years ago he would have shot you (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=2448234&page=0&view=colla psed&sb=5&o=365&fpart=1#Post2458314)

Just because something would not have happened if you were not there does not make you at fault for what followed. You are to blame for your betrayal of friendship but not for the DWI.

[theghost]

[ QUOTE ]
Did he break up with her or vice versa?

[/ QUOTE ]
This is the most important consideration. Depending on how good a friend of yours this was, it gets more / less important.

[bernie]

[ QUOTE ]
See, he always drinks and drives. So it was only a matter of time before he got hit with it. But, I can't stop myself from thinking that if I hadn't hooked up with her then maybe he would have crashed at the house instead of driving that morning.

[/ QUOTE ]

You sound like the guys' girlfriend in the other thread.
Her reasoning for waiting for 'approval' to get a divorce echos your reasoning here.

Get over it.

b

[Porcupine]

Choicest: It's not your fault.

But....Pick the wrench

[ChoicestHops]

My friend wasn't that drunk. This was about 7am in the morning, and he blew a .12.

I do not know who broke up with who. They dated back in high school. Come to think of it, it may have been longer than two years when they were together.

It's hard to control my actions when Im drunk, although it is no excuse. I don't drink near as much as I used to, and last night I had to at least finish 1/2 bottle of whiskey and 12 beers.

Ironically, in the past this guy when drunk has made a move on a girl I was dating at the time. He literally felt up her breasts in front of a large group of people. I dont think the bro's before ho's concept applies in this situtation honestly.