Office pet peeves (rant here)

[MoreWineII]

Since this one's near and dear to my heart this morning, I'm gonna rant about the Office Talker. She's the one who never stfu's, always flitting around the office gossiping about [censored] that nobody cares about. She's the one who will start talking to you about her weekend even if you have headphones on...aka leave-me-the-[censored]-alone earmuffs.

Her colleagues even tell her frequently, "I can never find you at your desk" or "Everytime I come over here, you're talking with someone else." But it doesn't even register with her that maybe she should shut the hell up sometimes, sit her fat ass down, and actually do work.

And it's especially painful when she's in the cube next to you.

B i t c h, die.

/images/graemlins/frown.gif

[Maulik]

[ QUOTE ]
Since this one's near and dear to my heart this morning, I'm gonna rant about the Office Talker. She's the one who never stfu's, always flitting around the office gossiping about [censored] that nobody cares about. She's the one who will start talking to you about her weekend even if you have headphones on...aka leave-me-the-[censored]-alone earmuffs.

Her colleagues even tell her frequently, "I can never find you at your desk" or "Everytime I come over here, you're talking with someone else." But it doesn't even register with her that maybe she should shut the hell up sometimes, sit her fat ass down, and actually do work.

And it's especially painful when she's in the cube next to you.

B i t c h, die.

/images/graemlins/frown.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

this women got me fired. I was working an internship and had to listen to some woman talking to herself 9-5 or her friend. she had the most meaningless conversations. apparently people heard me talking about this b---i.. i mean women and I got fired.

thanks god for that!

[DrPublo]

Picky eaters.

The Doc

[beerbandit]

[ QUOTE ]
Since this one's near and dear to my heart this morning, I'm gonna rant about the Office Talker. She's the one who never stfu's, always flitting around the office gossiping about [censored] that nobody cares about. She's the one who will start talking to you about her weekend even if you have headphones on...aka leave-me-the-[censored]-alone earmuffs.

Her colleagues even tell her frequently, "I can never find you at your desk" or "Everytime I come over here, you're talking with someone else." But it doesn't even register with her that maybe she should shut the hell up sometimes, sit her fat ass down, and actually do work.

And it's especially painful when she's in the cube next to you.

B i t c h, die.


[/ QUOTE ]

same qualities, but a dude and hes one of those guys -- no matter what you have done or someone that you know has done, hes done something better and faster


nobody [censored] cares

thanks i needed that


cheers

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
this women got me fired. I was working an internship and had to listen to some woman talking to herself 9-5 or her friend. she had the most meaningless conversations. apparently people heard me talking about this b---i.. i mean women and I got fired.

thanks god for that!

[/ QUOTE ]

...or it may have had to do with your inability to put together an intelligible sentence. /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[IndieMatty]

I'm training someone, who is stupid. After everything I say, they give a sign of a approval, multiple times, for no reason.

Here's a transcript:

Matthew: "Ok _____"
Idiot: "uh huh"
Matthew: "Well, the reason we submit this to--
Idiot: "yeah"
Matthew: "billing-"
Idiot: "uh huh"
Matthew: "is because the account-"
Idiot: "yeah, hmmm"

At this point I stop and glare at them and contemplate saying something, or putting my letter openerer into there chest. Either or.

But I resume,

"yeah, well.."

"uh huh"

ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG



Oh by the way has anyone seen this? It's hilarious.


This may deserve it's own thread.

whackboss (http://www.doodie.com/whackboss.swf)

[MoreWineII]

CAN'T SEE IT FROM WORK! ARGH!

[namknils]

[ QUOTE ]


same qualities, but a dude and hes one of those guys -- no matter what you have done or someone that you know has done, hes done something better and faster


nobody [censored] cares

thanks i needed that


cheers

[/ QUOTE ]

Ugh, my sister dated a guy like that for a long time. No matter what you needed to do or have done he "had a guy for that". He acted like he knew the best possible option for every situation. But all of his "connections" sucked.

And as for in the office here, it is a guy who is the office talker, so annoying. One time he was telling me about how him and his wife (both in their 50's) hang out with younger people all the time and love to go to bars and crap and it's not awkward at all because they act so young. I'm 23 and I'm not about to invite him out with my friends.

[IndieMatty]

[ QUOTE ]
CAN'T SEE IT FROM WORK! ARGH!

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah I just realized that (me neither) I got it at home. It's well worth it.

[jackdaniels]

I saw it at work. Yey for Canadian liberal institutions (although Pron is unwelcome here /images/graemlins/frown.gif )

[Voltron87]

speaking of work, how can i prevent the party windows from popping to the front when it's my turn to act? I could triple my hourly wage and be less productive at the same time. that is the goal.

ifucking hate the people in the offices around me, goddamit it's obvious i don't want to talk to you so shut the hell up.

[chaas4747]

Why does the machine say paper jam, when there is no paper jam? Piece of [censored]!!!!!!!

On a serious note, I have this dude that I hate. He comes in at like 10:00 so his lunch is different from mine. I sometimes eat at my desk. He walks over to ask a question, and just hangs around waiting for me to come to his computer and answer. I am like motherfucker you see the food, you know I am eating. He does this [censored] when I am on the phone also. He drives a VW rabbit, I am pretty sure he is gay.

[howzit]

At my old office there was a really cute girl, I think she was from Hong Kong. She wore grandma panties instead of something more "fitting".

Very disappointing.

[Soul Daddy]

This is my biggest one as well, other than my daily suppression of homicidal rage on elevators. I like eating at my desk, it affords me the opportunity to read the internet without hiding it. Leave me the [censored] alone when you see food here!

[MoreWineII]

[ QUOTE ]
Why does the machine say paper jam, when there is no paper jam? Piece of [censored]!!!!!!!

On a serious note, I have this dude that I hate. He comes in at like 10:00 so his lunch is different from mine. I sometimes eat at my desk. He walks over to ask a question, and just hangs around waiting for me to come to his computer and answer. I am like motherfucker you see the food, you know I am eating. He does this [censored] when I am on the phone also. He drives a VW rabbit, I am pretty sure he is gay.

[/ QUOTE ]

Good one, I hate that too.

How about the Former Superstar?

This is the person that used to be "Regional Manager for blah blah blah" 100 years ago so obviously they know how to do everything better than you do. So what if they're now the mail clerk. stfu, just because I'm young and you're ancient doesn't mean you know how to do my job better than I do.

You know, come to think of it, if eveyone in my office would just stfu, it would be a happier place.

[stigmata]

[ QUOTE ]
speaking of work, how can i prevent the party windows from popping to the front when it's my turn to act?

[/ QUOTE ]

The best solution I have found is to find an application with an "always on top" feature. Both GroupWise and older versions of WinZip have this. Just turn "always on top" on (right click on the icon in the toolbar), and then maximise it when boss comes in, etc. This will stay on top of the party screen /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[Bluffoon]

[ QUOTE ]
Since this one's near and dear to my heart this morning, I'm gonna rant about the Office Talker. She's the one who never stfu's, always flitting around the office gossiping about [censored] that nobody cares about. She's the one who will start talking to you about her weekend even if you have headphones on...aka leave-me-the-[censored]-alone earmuffs.

Her colleagues even tell her frequently, "I can never find you at your desk" or "Everytime I come over here, you're talking with someone else." But it doesn't even register with her that maybe she should shut the hell up sometimes, sit her fat ass down, and actually do work.

And it's especially painful when she's in the cube next to you.

B i t c h, die.

/images/graemlins/frown.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

I used to have a neighbor that would talk nonstop. You couldnt get a word in edgewise without her talking over you. It became clear to me very quickly that my job was just to listen.

So to be neighborly every time I saw her I would give her exactly one minute of my time. The funniest part was that she caught on that she only had a minute so she would start talking faster and faster so she could get it all out and I would stand there and smile and glance down at my watch and her head would explode.

Ahhh good times.

[offTopic]

[ QUOTE ]
same qualities, but a dude and hes one of those guys -- no matter what you have done or someone that you know has done, hes done something better and faster


[/ QUOTE ]

Oh, so he posts to OOT? /images/graemlins/cool.gif

[Bluffoon]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
speaking of work, how can i prevent the party windows from popping to the front when it's my turn to act?

[/ QUOTE ]

The best solution I have found is to find an application with an "always on top" feature. Both GroupWise and older versions of WinZip have this. Just turn "always on top" on (right click on the icon in the toolbar), and then maximise it when boss comes in, etc. This will stay on top of the party screen /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

Brilliant. I love you man!

[Sponger15SB]

You guys have all inspired me to drop out of school and become a degenerate poker player for the rest of my life.

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
You guys have all inspired me to drop out of school and become a degenerate poker player for the rest of my life.

[/ QUOTE ]

Nice job, everyone.

[kerssens]

Smokers that are hacking up tar and isht all day long...sometimes I can even hear them over my headphones.

[MoreWineII]

[ QUOTE ]
Smokers that are hacking up tar and isht all day long...sometimes I can even hear them over my headphones.

[/ QUOTE ]

She sits on the OTHER side of me. :/

She can't walk a half flight of stairs, she takes the elevator. That really annoys me for some reason.

[kerssens]

Also the ignorant sports fans that blindly follow local teams and are completely unwilling to allow any criticism of the local teams. These people will try to talk sports and it is impossible to have an intelligent conversation, espcially about the Mariners because it usually gets to the "evil Yankees"

Edit: these are usually women

[Dynasty]

[ QUOTE ]

whackboss (http://www.doodie.com/whackboss.swf)

[/ QUOTE ]

I enjoyed all 13 ways.

[Wes ManTooth]

http://www.tommcmahon.net/images/redstapler.jpg

have anyone at the office bugging out or bitching over nothing special?
Print this out and give it to them and tell them to stop acting like such a f-in spaz.

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
Edit: these are usually women

[/ QUOTE ]

Women should not be allowed to discuss sports ever. You try to have a serious sports discussion, and they keep bringing it back to baseball players' tight pants. stfu, slut!

[beerbandit]

people who wear headphones

[ripdog]

The little guys who are stricken with short man's syndrome bug me. Always lifting their leg on somebody to make up for their physical shortcomings. One day little man walked up to our newbie trainee and made him button his shirt up because "We have an image to uphold here". The chinese dude buttoned up his shirt, leaned over little napoleon and said "You got a bow-tie for too, man?". The accent just made the line better. Little man shot a look my way, but I was too busy cracking up to say anything.

[Rick Diesel]

I hereby nominate the fat ugly chick who thinks for some unknown reason that I give two fucks about what she did last weekend.

I did find a quick solution to this one though. One time she walked up to me and blurted out "SowhatdidyoudothisweekendMygirlfriendscameoverandw erentedsomemoviesandatesomeicecream!Wesawacouplere allygoodmovies!" (spaces left out purposely for effect). I replied with "Really?". And she said "Yeahwewatchedsomemovies!" And then I said "No, I meant you really shared the ice cream?"

Needless to say, she hasn't talked to me since. Chalk one up for the Diesel.

[hutz]

One of the other attorneys in my group is SO loud. She also has an obnoxious, nasally accent. She routinely uses her speakerphone with the door open (even to check voicemail -- a pet peeve unto itself), shouts to the people in the offices to either side of her, and generally makes her unwelcome presence felt all up and down the hallway. Notwithstanding that she is one of the loudest, most annoying people on the planet, she has mentioned at several staff meetings how important it is that we all respect each other's interest in having a quiet work environment and that she's raising the issue because others have been making so much noise it's impossible for her to be able to concentrate on her work. What a biatch.

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
One of the other attorneys in my group is SO loud. She also has an obnoxious, nasally accent. She routinely uses her speakerphone with the door open (even to check voicemail -- a pet peeve unto itself), shouts to the people in the offices to either side of her, and generally makes her unwelcome presence felt all up and down the hallway. Notwithstanding that she is one of the loudest, most annoying people on the planet, she has mentioned at several staff meetings how important it is that we all respect each other's interest in having a quiet work environment and that she's raising the issue because others have been making so much noise it's impossible for her to be able to concentrate on her work. What a biatch.

[/ QUOTE ]

There's only one answer for this...

[HopeydaFish]

I have two annoying co-workers within a few feet of me every day. One constantly makes "baby-talk" on the phone to his girlfriend (I was actually surprised he *has* a girlfriend, for the longest time I thought he was gay), the other has an annoying hyena-laugh that he belts out 5-600 times a day. There's very little this guy doesn't think is funny.

Oh, and the two or three people nearby who leave their cell-phones unattended and with the rings turned out full-blast in their cubicles, who constantly get calls whenever they're away from their desks. The people that call don't seem to leave messages, either...the phones will ring 5 or 6 times, stop for a minute, and then ring 5 or 6 times again. This will continue until the owners of the phones get back to their cubicles.

[Fat Nicky]

i don't frequent this forum, but i am pretty sure the answer is "stick it in her pooper"

[Uethym]

[ QUOTE ]
I'm training someone, who is stupid. After everything I say, they give a sign of a approval, multiple times, for no reason.


[/ QUOTE ]

My officemate in graduate school was Chinese, and would always say "yesyesyes" as I was talking, as did several other Chinese students. I came to understand that it was a cultural thing, that meant not "I understand", but "I am listening attentively."

Which led to the following exchange at the airport ticket counter, pre-9/11:

"Sir, are you carrying any weapons or explosive devices?"
"Yes, yesyesyes."
(Ticket counter lady's eyes go wide.)
"Sir, I ask you again, are you carrying any weapons or explosive devices?"
"Yes, yesyesyes."
(I whisper slowly in his ear, "She asked if you have a bomb.")
(big smile) "Oh! Nooooo, nonono."

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
Oh, and the two or three people nearby who leave their cell-phones unattended and with the rings turned out full-blast in their cubicles, who constantly get calls whenever they're away from their desks. The people that call don't seem to leave messages, either...the phones will ring 5 or 6 times, stop for a minute, and then ring 5 or 6 times again. This will continue until the owners of the phones get back to their cubicles.

[/ QUOTE ]

Throw it in the john. I did this to someone once for this very reason. He looked everywhere until someone told him where it was. He was not happy. He never found out who did it though.

[Shajen]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Oh, and the two or three people nearby who leave their cell-phones unattended and with the rings turned out full-blast in their cubicles, who constantly get calls whenever they're away from their desks. The people that call don't seem to leave messages, either...the phones will ring 5 or 6 times, stop for a minute, and then ring 5 or 6 times again. This will continue until the owners of the phones get back to their cubicles.

[/ QUOTE ]

Throw it in the john. I did this to someone once for this very reason. He looked everywhere until someone told him where it was. He was not happy. He never found out who did it though.

[/ QUOTE ]

An alternate, less dickish move is to simply turn the phone off. I do this quite a bit for a guy that works here. He tried to give me crap about it but I told him why I was doing it.

I do like Jake's idea though.

[hutz]

[ QUOTE ]
i don't frequent this forum, but i am pretty sure the answer is "stick it in her pooper"

[/ QUOTE ]

She's single (imagine that) and all yours, big boy.