Hellmuth Loses Crown!!

[Rushmore]

It didn't seem possible, but I believe we have a real contender, at the very least.

An article by Antonio Esfandiari, appearing in All In magazine:

Body English Spoken Here

It's midnight in Vegas, two nights into the brand new year. A cool mist falls on rain-slick streets as a limo pulls up to the Hard Rock Casino and spills out its passengers, me, my buddy Adam, Chris "Jesus" Ferguson, David Williams, Kasey Thompson and some others who have the good sense to stay nameless. We're heading to one of Sin City's top nightspots, Body English, for a little drinking, dancing, and feasting of the eyes. Especially feasting.

Since opening last Memorial Day, Body has become the place to be seen for the primo stuff strutters of Las Vegas and talented amateurs who come from out of town long on attitude and short on clothes. If Body isn't wall to wall with beautiful betties tonight, we'll eat our hats.

We make our way to the club entrance just off the main casino floor, past display cases crammed with the usual Hard Rock memorabilia. A David Lee Roth jumpsuit. Signed Eric Clapton guitar. Tupac Shakur's mug shot, whatever. There's a long line of rockstars-in-their-minds at the door, waiting behind the proverbial velvet rope, hoping to get in, hoping that their Scarface Tony Montana (boys) or Paris Hilton (girls) look will get them the green light from Cory and his men at the door. We don't wait of course. We've booked a table with bottle service. So we pass under the jealous gaze of the rope riders and slide inside. Poor rubes, they'll waste their night on the rope line, hoping just to pay the $20 "official" cover, and turtle into the club if they get the chance. Don't they know that life's too short to wait in line? Guess not.

Antonio’s First Rule of Nightclubbing:

Always book a table in advance. The more you pay, the more it’s worth.

Down we go into the throbbing heart of the club, two full floors of hot decadence buried deep beneath the casino.

DJ AM is spinning the steel wheels. He's flown in from LA specially for this gig and right now he's chilling the crowd with some smooth dub house but later he'll have everyone bouncing to his beat like puppets on a string. Props to the man, when he gets workin', he's Pavlov and we're his dogs.

The stunning Jennifer leads us to our private booth where we find a dark oak table surrounded by red leather couches and tricked out out with mixers, chilled glasses, snacks and an icebucketed bottle of Grey Goose. Yeah, I know that bottle would cost, like, twenty-five bucks at BevMo and here it'll set us back three bills, but it's totally worth it. While we're in here winning the party, the wannabes are still be riding the rope line, waiting, going nowhere fast. If you're a hottie, you could shake your way into Body, but for Joe Schmo and his buddies from the boondocks, they may as well go sit in the parking lot and watch the neon signs – either that or slip Mr. Franklin into the right hand.

Antonio’s Second Rule of Nightclubbing:

There's no such thing as a free lunch.

The night ripens. Some petite betties from Canada drift over, shyly orbiting our booth, looking for a way to break the ice. Silly betties, just being them is all the icebreaking they need. But we know what they're thinking – have they seen us on TV or what? To help them out, I give them my trademark "Antonio wave," and they break out into squeals of laughter. "I knew it!" shrieks one. "I knew it was him!" Do we invite them to join us for a drink? Does a bear [censored] in the woods?

Antonio’s Third Rule of Nightclubbing:

Celebrity has its privileges.

The Grey Goose gives way to more Grey Goose, Patron Silver, a bottle of Belvedere, and then Jesus just has to have some Dom. The lovely Jennifer keeps everything running smoothly, and we all start to run smoothly too, mixing trips to the dance floor with lengthy lounges on the couches in the company of our new friends from the Great White North. One laughing betty fails Adam's patented sobriety test, where he holds up his hand, fingers spread, and asks, "How many hands am I holding up?" If they say one, they’re still sober...

If they say five, they're not. This one just falls out into hysterical giggling. Not fit to drive. Not fit to do much of anything but sit there and be beautiful, but baby that's enough.

Antonio’s Fourth Rule of Nightclubbing:

You know you've had too much to drink when you go to brush something off your shoulder and it's the floor.

Before we know it, it's 4:30, officially closing time but in fact Body stays open as long as the seals on new bottles are still getting cracked. The world's dull normals will be going off to work before we roll out. Maybe we'll head over to Drai's at the Barbary Coast for a little after-after-after-hours action or off to the Egg and I on Sahara for breakfast. Or maybe we'll just cruise back to my place to see what the day will bring. It always amazes me the way time goes away in a great nightclub. Once you're in that groove, the past and the future disappear, and all you have is the hot, perfect now. It's like an intense poker game, or even meditation.

Meditation's a damn sight cheaper, though, right? Yeah, I guess. If cheaper's what you want. But meditation won't get you a night like this, or a bevy of betties from Canada who jump in the limo with you when you go. As for the money (our tab tonight will top out north of two grand) I say what the hell, you can't take it with you. As my friend the good Dr. Vorhaus puts it, "You're born broke, you die broke, everything else is just fluctuation."

Back when I was struggling and scuffling, waiting tables and performing magic at parties to make ends meet, I never dreamed I'd have the scratch to do it up right at a place like Body English. Now that I do, I never forget I'm blessed. Blessed that I found my gift of poker. Blessed to turn that gift into big wins. Blessed with great friends who have my back. Blessed by the betties – what would life be without them? Someone once said, "Living well is the best revenge." I don't know about that, but I do know this: Anything that's worth doing is worth overdoing. And that’s the best rule of clubbing of all.

Author: Antonio Esfandiari

[cianosheehan]

Is that Shane McGowan in your avatar? A man who falls into the above message quite strongly I would think /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[Rushmore]

[ QUOTE ]
Is that Shane McGowan in your avatar? A man who falls into the above message quite strongly I would think

[/ QUOTE ]

Yes, you're right. Shane MacGowan definitely wants to hang out in trendy clubs, "mackin on Betties," doing "the wave." When he hits the dancefloor, all the girlies wanna scream. He likes to get that thing going where everyone is waving their arms in the air, back and forth, and pretending to hump each other when they're dancing.

You're right. That's what Shane MacGowan is all about.

[cwsiggy]

yikes. I never realized what a dope Antonio is. I think I've just read my last issue of All IN a few months ago!!!!

[Rushmore]

[ QUOTE ]
yikes. I never realized what a dope Antonio is.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, I'm not sure why, but he didn't strike me as being this much of a tool/[censored]/prick/man-child either.

The "poker wave" excepted, of course.

I want to make sure I'm reading this correctly, though: he's essentially adopted an attitude of "I'm famous and you're nothing," right?

[trying2learn]

he's trying to play up the "rock-star" angle. he even calls the people in line 'wanna-be rock stars' or 'rockstars in their minds' or something.

i have to admit, i met and played with antonio about two months ago, and i thought he was a jovial & pleasant guy...but this reads amazingly bad.

[daryn]

what's wrong with enjoying life? everything he said seems accurate. if i had the bank i would love to live that life for a little while anyway.

[Rushmore]

[ QUOTE ]
what's wrong with enjoying life? everything he said seems accurate. if i had the bank i would love to live that life for a little while anyway.

[/ QUOTE ]

I didn't realize "enjoying life" entailed being abjectly condescending, arrogant, dismissive, and assclownish.

You didn't see that in what he wrote? You didn't think that he seemed just a tad, oh, say...totally dickish?

Takes all kinds, I guess. I stopped going to clubs when I was 25, so what the hell do I know about it?

But if I were still going to clubs, I'd sure feel like the lowest piece of rotten useless chit if I had to--you know--wait in a line to get in. God, the horror and embarrassment!!

How DO the little people avoid just KILLING THEMSELVES??!

I'll tell you, I certainly do not know the answer to that question.

Wanna see a magic trick?

Too cool.

[raisins]

This is the funniest thread I have read yet. You are correct on all points in your posts. Esfandiari could not be screaming out any louder "Envy me!". Tough to be jealous of someone putting themselves out like that.

I suppose it's not all about wanting to be envied, he manages to express a fair amount of contempt as well, "While we're in here winning the party, the wannabes are still be riding the rope line, waiting, going nowhere fast." (!).

I wonder what he imagines his reader's response to be?

Hilarious.

regards,

raisins

P.S. Thread drift. I read an interview with Shane some years back where he was talking about how he once megadosed LSD several weeks straight. After a while of that he claims you adjust to the tripping and "the time is always bananas".

[PokerProdigy]

Does anybody else find it funny that Chris "Jesus" Fergusen is hanging out with them? I just can't see him going into a night club. Nothing against the Jesus he's a great card player, it's just something I would never expect to see.

[Michael Emery]

What a joke. Why Esfandiari would even consider himself remotely famous I have no idea. He makes it sound like hes a legit "A" list celebrity and the world revolves around him.

Mike Emery

[RandomFluke]

"The world's dull normals will be going off to work before we roll out."

So anyone who has a regular job is boring? Wow, his 15 minutes have really gone to his head. I remember Diablo's thread about who would you like to see go bust and I don't think I could think of anyone, but I think Antonio would make my list now.

[PokerProdigy]

I must say that this is a very pathetic article Antonio wrote. He comes across as saying "I think I am totally cool because of the poker explosion everyone knows me, including some 'betties' but since I got NO game I'll just give them 'the wave' and make them giggle and then tell all the other poker players how cool I am, and how every guy wants to be like me, and every 'betty' wants to be with me. I am Antonio the Magician and I am so cool, hear me roar..."

Common, don't you guys just wish you were Antonio, because after reading this article it is obvious he is SO COOL!!!

What do you guys think? Is giving up both testicles still a positive EV move to be as cool as Antonio?

Oh yeah, and why is Chris "Jesus" Fergusen hanging out with them at the club, macking on "betties?"

LOL /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[RandomFluke]

[ QUOTE ]
Does anybody else find it funny that Chris "Jesus" Fergusen is hanging out with them?

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm sure Chris likes to get laid too.

[PokerProdigy]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Does anybody else find it funny that Chris "Jesus" Fergusen is hanging out with them?

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm sure Chris likes to get laid too.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, but do you honestly think Chris is taking anything home from the nightclub??? I just can't see it, even though he probably "likes to get laid too."

[cwsiggy]

First of all - Chris is a killer line dancer which I've been told gets you more female action than just about anything short of being a rock star. I also think he has a girlfirend.
What he is doing hanging out with Antonio is another story...

[PokerProdigy]

[ QUOTE ]
First of all - Chris is a killer line dancer which I've been told gets you more female action than just about anything short of being a rock star. I also think he has a girlfirend.
What he is doing hanging out with Antonio is another story...

[/ QUOTE ]

Damn, why are you sticking up for Chris? Do you think he's hot?

I'm just kidding around, but do you honestly think Chris is a pimp? Because I just don't see it happening. Plus if line-dancing is so pimp, then how come most of those hicks aren't the mackest of all macks?

P.S. Wouldn't it be funny if I was totally wrong and Chris "Jesus" Fergusen is just a big pimp who pulls some hot "betties." /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[J_V]

Wow. His parents should be ashamed. I hate this [censored].

[RandomFluke]

[ QUOTE ]
I'm just kidding around, but do you honestly think Chris is a pimp?

[/ QUOTE ]

Chris has lots of money, a nice car(I assume), and semi-celebrity status. Anyone one of those things will let you get the "betties" but all 3 in one means he will have no trouble picking up a gurly in a nightclub if he is feeling the urge.

[Gamblor]

Allin Magazine, if I recall, is much less a poker magazine and more a poker lifestyle magazine.

I would not be the least bit surprised if an editor went to Antonio and told him to rewrite it as if he were a rock star.

They're trying to create idols, personas, etc. the same way Hollywood and Pro Sports do it.

I doubt he's actually a condescending [censored].

but what do I know? I'm a condescending [censored].

[tpir90036]

Jeez. Well you can color me jealous. The only part that bothered me was "Don't they know that life's too short to wait in line?" Well of course I do, but as a "poor rube" I don't always have that option since I don't have millions in the bank or quasi-celebrity status /images/graemlins/frown.gif

-tpir

[chuddo]

he is a knob.

but in addition i think he is an embarassingly bad writer. i genuinely look forward to more of antonio's craaaaazy nights. he truly is a primo stuff-strutter.

[cwsiggy]

Aren't girls called chicks???? or babes???

Since when are they called Betties???

Keep in mind I'm 36 and grew up on Floyd and The Cars.

[Jax_Grinder]

[ QUOTE ]
You know you've had too much to drink when you go to brush something off your shoulder and it's the floor.

[/ QUOTE ]

That line is priceless. The rest of the article is pure drivel. What a nit.

[PokerProdigy]

Hey man, I'm only 20 and I have NEVER heard of "betties." Must just be some pimp-ass-magician lingo /images/graemlins/confused.gif

[ttleistdci]

This article was in my ALL IN sample thing that they sent me with a 1 year free offer. After reading that, I don't see how anyone could call up and say, "Yes! Definitely sign me up so I can read more of that!"
Trash.

[gonores]

[ QUOTE ]
There's a long line of rockstars-in-their-minds at the door, waiting behind the proverbial velvet rope, hoping to get in, hoping that their Scarface Tony Montana (boys) or Paris Hilton (girls) look will get them the green light from Cory and his men at the door. We don't wait of course. We've booked a table with bottle service. So we pass under the jealous gaze of the rope riders and slide inside. Poor rubes, they'll waste their night on the rope line, hoping just to pay the $20 "official" cover, and turtle into the club if they get the chance.


[/ QUOTE ]

THIS is the guy romantically linked with Shannon Elizabeth? God I hope he goes broke.

[thirddan]

i think its swing dancing, not line dancing...they did a wsop thing where they mentioned it....

[cwsiggy]

you're right - Swing dancing not Line. That's a bit redneck for him maybe

[MicroBob]

[ QUOTE ]
P.S. Wouldn't it be funny if I was totally wrong and Chris "Jesus" Fergusen is just a big pimp who pulls some hot "betties."

[/ QUOTE ]


first night of the PPM cruise.

We're pretty tired pretty early. Crash-out for awhile and then wake-up at 2am or so and decide to go drinking.

Well...everyone else was either sleeping or playing cards (or drinking elsewhere I guess).

My GF and i are the ONLY one's in the club on the top deck (the Crow's Nest i believe).
We're still having a good time.


About 2:30am Chris Ferguson and some short blonde walk in.

GF looks at me like...."WTF is with that guy?" (remember..she's new to this whole poker thing). I tell her that he is a VERY good player and won the WSOP in 2000. His nickname is 'jesus'. blah blah blah.

Anyway...they hit the dance-floor. They do a couple of dances and then Chris sits in a chair and the girl does various stripper type dances with some pole in the middle of the floor and lap-dances and the like for about 6 or 7 songs I think.

She looked rather 'stripperish' in dress as well as her movements.

I have no idea if this was some date or is Chris's GF or what.


It was pretty surreal.


And like you, I didn't exactly picture Chris Ferguson as the 'clubbing' kind of guy.

[Dr. Strangelove]

This article makes me glad to be me.

[flair1239]

[ QUOTE ]
what's wrong with enjoying life? everything he said seems accurate. if i had the bank i would love to live that life for a little while anyway.

[/ QUOTE ]

It sounds good to you because you guys are both very arrogant.

[PokerProdigy]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
P.S. Wouldn't it be funny if I was totally wrong and Chris "Jesus" Fergusen is just a big pimp who pulls some hot "betties."

[/ QUOTE ]


first night of the PPM cruise.

We're pretty tired pretty early. Crash-out for awhile and then wake-up at 2am or so and decide to go drinking.

Well...everyone else was either sleeping or playing cards (or drinking elsewhere I guess).

My GF and i are the ONLY one's in the club on the top deck (the Crow's Nest i believe).
We're still having a good time.


About 2:30am Chris Ferguson and some short blonde walk in.

GF looks at me like...."WTF is with that guy?" (remember..she's new to this whole poker thing). I tell her that he is a VERY good player and won the WSOP in 2000. His nickname is 'jesus'. blah blah blah.

Anyway...they hit the dance-floor. They do a couple of dances and then Chris sits in a chair and the girl does various stripper type dances with some pole in the middle of the floor and lap-dances and the like for about 6 or 7 songs I think.

She looked rather 'stripperish' in dress as well as her movements.

I have no idea if this was some date or is Chris's GF or what.


It was pretty surreal.


And like you, I didn't exactly picture Chris Ferguson as the 'clubbing' kind of guy.

[/ QUOTE ]

Funny story /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[B Dids]

Weird.

If I had his money and (allbeit misplaced) status, I can imagine doing the same things (maybe not having a "poker wave". I just can't see thinking it's interesting enough to publish in a maganize.

Also, his writing is horrible.

[flair1239]

[ QUOTE ]
Weird.

If I had his money and (allbeit misplaced) status, I can imagine doing the same things (maybe not having a "poker wave". I just can't see thinking it's interesting enough to publish in a maganize.

Also, his writing is horrible.

[/ QUOTE ]

It is not what he is doing, that makes him an ass.

What makes him an ass, is his general disdain for everybody else. This goes beyond common Skalnsky type arrogance that is commonplace in poker; in that he takes great care to ridicule the public in general.

[hoopsie44]

What a tool.

[mosch]

who knew!

[chollowa]

I always thought he looked like a condescending prick, It's unfortunate that my judgemental ass was right.

I say from this day forward, if by chance I'm in a tournament with Antonio (yeah, not likely) and I happen to bust him out (even less likely) I will do his little chump ass wave as he carries his sorry feminine shirt wearing ass to the rail.

[WWJFergusonD?]

From "Magic Antonio's" own website: It explains (fairly clearly, I think) his worldview.


ROCKS AND RINGS

In the history of humanity there have been many secret orders: The Free and Accepted Masons; the Hickenloopers; the Gnomes of Zurich. Some of these groups are bent on global domination, while others just, you know, want to have fun.

It's in the latter category that you'll find Rocks and Rings (or R&R as its shorthandedly known), a posse comprised of Antonio and his closest friends, guys who really know how to party -- and seem determined to teach the world this skill, one nightclub at a time.

WHO ARE ROCKS AND RINGS?
Antonio Esfandiari, President.
Koosh Mohajeri, Founder and Chairman
Jeff Christina, Executive Vice President for Recreational Affairs.
Khash Chamlou, AKA Khash-Money-GQ, Chief Financial Officer.
Tony Licari, Executive Vice President of Female Affairs.
Monin Martin, AKA The Mexican, Princess of Rocks and Rings

WHAT'S THE POSSE'S PHILOSOPHY?

Eudamonism: A lifestyle of hedonism tempered by reason.

HOW DO THEY TALK?

From the name forward -- derived from the P. Diddy song, I Need a Girl (Part 2) -- R&R has a language all its own. Here's a sample glossary.

1.4. Homage to the $1.4 million that Antonio won at the 2004 LA Poker Classic, now an R&R seal of approval. "This party is a total 1.4."

BABY. An attractive young lady -- in homage to the classic movie Swingers, and in full respect to the lady in question.

BITE. An incoming cell phone call, especially from a baby. "I've got to step outside and take this bite."

BUDGET BOY. A term of disdain directed toward anyone who contemplate the price of a purchase. "If you have to ask, Budget Boy, you can't afford it."

DEEP DISH. Excellent house music.

HOTWIRE. To hook up. If you hotwire, you don't go home alone.

ON POINT. A) In charge of organizing the party. B) Locked in; in the zone. "Koosh was totally on point last night. No wonder he hotwired."

ROCKS AND RINGS. An all-purpose adjective to describe something of high quality or style. "How Rocks and Rings are these shoes?"

PLUCKWORTHY HONEY. A baby worthy of further attention.

TURBO SHOPPING. Buying clothing under the gun, where money is no object and second-guessing is not allowed.

WHERE WILL YOU FIND THEM?

In the finest restaurants, bars, clubs and after-hours hidden hot spots. The more exclusive it is -- the harder you have to work to perpetrate past the velvet ropes and bouncers' glares -- the more likely you are to find R&R there.

Once inside, don't expect to see members of Rocks and Rings "running laps to the bar like the proletariat." No, they'll be set up at their own private table, anchored by bottles of top-shelf booze, drawing pluckworthy honeys like moths to the proverbial flame.

They travel by limo. They jet off to Vegas. Or Costa Rica. Paris. In a sense it doesn't matter where they shoot to or how they arrive because they place they are will instantly become the place to be. To paraphrase Crowded House, "Everywhere you go, you always take the party with you."

A DIVIDED WORLD

The world is divided into two parts: Things that are Rocks and Rings, and things that are not. Herewith, a reference table of same.

ITEM: ROCKS AND RINGS/ NOT ROCKS AND RINGS
Television: World Poker Tour/ Trading Spaces
Music: Fast hip-hop/ Top 40
Artist: Eminem/ Dixie Chicks
Movies: Matrix, Casino/ Ishtar, Beaches
Clothes: Armani Black Label/ Dockers Relaxed Fit
Settling a bill: Gambling for the check/ Going Dutch
Car: Prowler/ Mini-Cooper
Poker book: Killer Poker/ Play Tight to Win
Store: Sharper Image/ Target
Potent potable: Kelt Cognac XO/ Michelob Ultra
Smokable: Cuban Cohibas/ Cigarettes

THE LAST WORD

So what is Rocks and Rings? A boys' club? An attitude? A way of life? An excuse to, as the Beastie Boys put it, "Fight for your right to party?" A swarm-and-conquer strategy for meeting women? All of that, and more, much more. If you want to be Rocks and Rings, all you have to do is make style your watchword, strike an attitude of invincibility and never put a price on anything. Rocks and Rings rules!

[M2d]

They should make it illegal to let some people have money. Why doesn't the sports advice "act like you've been there before" carry over to other aspects of life?

Here's a super-duper secret term that my and my superer-duperer secreter krew uses: Makita. Sounds like R&R fits right in with that one.

[shant]

Eight guys that I was at a bachelor party with went to this same club on that same night with that same DJ playing and they got in no problem. They're also eight normal looking guys that don't dress particularly well.

I'm all for having fun and enjoying your life, but Antonio is way too full of himself. It's not that special to drink bottle service at a club.

[Rushmore]

Holy chit, this is even lamer.

This guy is really making a serious run for total tooldom.

Please don't take this as--ahem--playa hatin (I can't believe I just used that incredibly pathetic term), but how could anyone not hate this guy's infantile jabbering?

By the way, who's his stylist--FRYLOCK???

Ok, I was hatin just a little right there.

Anyway, I have come to the conclusion that Antonio Esfandiari makes Scott Fischman look like a guy I really want to hang out with.

Or, uh, Antonio Esfadiari makes Josh Arieh look like Doyle Brunson?

One more: Antonio Esfandiari makes Tara Reid look like Julia Roberts?

What the hell was I saying?

[RandomFluke]

[ QUOTE ]
Rocks and Rings rules!

[/ QUOTE ]

O'DOYLE RULES
O'DOYLE RULES

[WWJFergusonD?]

[ QUOTE ]

Anyway, I have come to the conclusion that Antonio Esfandiari makes Scott Fischman look like a guy I really want to hang out with.


[/ QUOTE ]

Scary, that. But true.

I'd already surmised that Esfandiari was probably a tool (based on witnessing him insisting on going up the down escalator at the Borgata one evening, apparently just to draw attention to himself).

But, the article and his website (which I forgot to note in my previous post: http://www.magicantonio.com) have now caused me to actively root for his complete and utter demise and humiliation (so that he can be one of the mere proletarian masses again).

[flair1239]

Somebody should E-mail this to Paul Phillips. This is far more idiotic then anything Helmuth has written. It would be interesting to see if Phillips would mock the Magicians arrogance as well.

Although it bears striking resemblence to the article where Hellmuth claimed that when he was walking down the street in New Orleans people were whispering "there goes a world champion."

[WWJFergusonD?]

Paul Phillips has already been made aware of the article, and has chosen not to comment on it. You can read about it in his blog. /images/graemlins/frown.gif Too bad. Of course, I don't know that he's seen Antonio's awesome website....

[MicroBob]

I would hang out with Phillips (although he probably wouldn't hang out with me I suspect).

I would NOT hang out with Antonio, Hellmuth or Fischman and I would actively root AGAINST any of them.


WPO in Tunica last January: I didn't play any of the tourneys. But I went down and played some 2/5 NL and 10/20, etc. One girl at the table talked with her BF for a little while and then he had to leave. She explained that he had been 'hanging out with Fischman' all week and that he was 'really cool'. Seemed very proud of themselves for buddying up to a true 'poker-celebrity'
Something like that anyway.


I almost snorted my drink out of my nose at her "We're so cool because we hang out with Fischman" attitude.


As i mentioned in a previous thread...I stood behind Fischman on the PPM cruise in line at a little shop. He was buying a Twix bar.
Fischman really is pretty freaking short.
I'm a towering 5'6" and I think I had a couple inches on him.

[The once and future king]

[ QUOTE ]
From "Magic Antonio's" own website: It explains (fairly clearly, I think) his worldview.


ROCKS AND RINGS

In the history of humanity there have been many secret orders: The Free and Accepted Masons; the Hickenloopers; the Gnomes of Zurich. Some of these groups are bent on global domination, while others just, you know, want to have fun.

It's in the latter category that you'll find Rocks and Rings (or R&R as its shorthandedly known), a posse comprised of Antonio and his closest friends, guys who really know how to party -- and seem determined to teach the world this skill, one nightclub at a time.

WHO ARE ROCKS AND RINGS?
Antonio Esfandiari, President.
Koosh Mohajeri, Founder and Chairman
Jeff Christina, Executive Vice President for Recreational Affairs.
Khash Chamlou, AKA Khash-Money-GQ, Chief Financial Officer.
Tony Licari, Executive Vice President of Female Affairs.
Monin Martin, AKA The Mexican, Princess of Rocks and Rings

WHAT'S THE POSSE'S PHILOSOPHY?

Eudamonism: A lifestyle of hedonism tempered by reason.

HOW DO THEY TALK?

From the name forward -- derived from the P. Diddy song, I Need a Girl (Part 2) -- R&R has a language all its own. Here's a sample glossary.

1.4. Homage to the $1.4 million that Antonio won at the 2004 LA Poker Classic, now an R&R seal of approval. "This party is a total 1.4."

BABY. An attractive young lady -- in homage to the classic movie Swingers, and in full respect to the lady in question.

BITE. An incoming cell phone call, especially from a baby. "I've got to step outside and take this bite."

BUDGET BOY. A term of disdain directed toward anyone who contemplate the price of a purchase. "If you have to ask, Budget Boy, you can't afford it."

DEEP DISH. Excellent house music.

HOTWIRE. To hook up. If you hotwire, you don't go home alone.

ON POINT. A) In charge of organizing the party. B) Locked in; in the zone. "Koosh was totally on point last night. No wonder he hotwired."

ROCKS AND RINGS. An all-purpose adjective to describe something of high quality or style. "How Rocks and Rings are these shoes?"

PLUCKWORTHY HONEY. A baby worthy of further attention.

TURBO SHOPPING. Buying clothing under the gun, where money is no object and second-guessing is not allowed.

WHERE WILL YOU FIND THEM?

In the finest restaurants, bars, clubs and after-hours hidden hot spots. The more exclusive it is -- the harder you have to work to perpetrate past the velvet ropes and bouncers' glares -- the more likely you are to find R&R there.

Once inside, don't expect to see members of Rocks and Rings "running laps to the bar like the proletariat." No, they'll be set up at their own private table, anchored by bottles of top-shelf booze, drawing pluckworthy honeys like moths to the proverbial flame.

They travel by limo. They jet off to Vegas. Or Costa Rica. Paris. In a sense it doesn't matter where they shoot to or how they arrive because they place they are will instantly become the place to be. To paraphrase Crowded House, "Everywhere you go, you always take the party with you."

A DIVIDED WORLD

The world is divided into two parts: Things that are Rocks and Rings, and things that are not. Herewith, a reference table of same.

ITEM: ROCKS AND RINGS/ NOT ROCKS AND RINGS
Television: World Poker Tour/ Trading Spaces
Music: Fast hip-hop/ Top 40
Artist: Eminem/ Dixie Chicks
Movies: Matrix, Casino/ Ishtar, Beaches
Clothes: Armani Black Label/ Dockers Relaxed Fit
Settling a bill: Gambling for the check/ Going Dutch
Car: Prowler/ Mini-Cooper
Poker book: Killer Poker/ Play Tight to Win
Store: Sharper Image/ Target
Potent potable: Kelt Cognac XO/ Michelob Ultra
Smokable: Cuban Cohibas/ Cigarettes

THE LAST WORD

So what is Rocks and Rings? A boys' club? An attitude? A way of life? An excuse to, as the Beastie Boys put it, "Fight for your right to party?" A swarm-and-conquer strategy for meeting women? All of that, and more, much more. If you want to be Rocks and Rings, all you have to do is make style your watchword, strike an attitude of invincibility and never put a price on anything. Rocks and Rings rules!

[/ QUOTE ]

This is the utter pinnacle of twat. Nothing can be more twat than this.

[NoTalent]

This is the stupidest thing I've ever read...
what a donk

[Superfluous Man]

Every time I imagine the original article being read aloud in some sort of shitty Prohibition Era gangster voice or Will Ferrell's Professor Roger voice from SNL (the bald, bearded "love-ah" character he played alongside Rachel Dratch), I start laughing uncontrollably.

[GuitarMarc]

http://www.magicantonio.com/keeping-up-with-antonio.php

NEWS

Do you want to learn how Antonio “The Magician” Esfandiari adjusted to American life as a kid? How success has changed the way he looks at himself? Or perhaps learning about his advice for the next generation of players?

If so, click here and get the scoop on how this young wonderland is living large!

http://www.texasholdem-poker.com/antonio_esfandiari.php

Unabomber just told me the Internet says I’m having an affair with Shannon Elizabeth. I guess that’s good for me. She’s just my friend; she’s a very cool girl. I met her through another buddy of mine who’s an actor as well. He played poker with Shannon, and she wants to take her game to the next level. So, he introduced us, and I’m teaching her how to play, hopefully.

How did you build your bankroll back up?

“I was in a home game with a friend of mine, and I had $1,000 to my net worth. But, my friend is one of the two most degenerate gamblers I’ve ever met in my life. He’s a good friend of mine, but he’s a sick, sick man. So, he invites me over to his house to play poker. He wants to play for $1,000. I’m like, ‘Alright, I have $1,000 or zero. What’s the difference, right? Either way I’m tilted.’ So, I played him heads up and won. Then he wants to play for $2,000. I won. Then he wants to play me for $3,000. I won. So, now I have $7,000 to my name. He says, ‘Let’s play for $10,000.’ But, I didn’t have ten. So, he’s like, ‘I’ll tell you what. If you win, I’ll pay you within three months, and if I win, you pay me within one year.’ How can I say no to that? So, we played, and I busted him on the second hand. He settled up by paying me $7,000 the next day. So, all the sudden, I had $14,000. That bankroll is the same bankroll I have today.”

[theghost]

TOOL

[surfdoc]

[ QUOTE ]
Since when are they called Betties???


[/ QUOTE ]

Since like 1982. So old it is actually a forgotten term. Maybe not a term used by those in the Floyd crowd.

[whiskeytown]

this has come up a couple times on Paul Phillips' site and I read the article before that...

First off, there's NOTHING in that article every one of you [censored] lusers wouldn't like to do (me included)- LOL

I don't think he should be replacing Phil - egotistical, maybe (but rumor is he's was/is banging Shannon Elizabeth, and that would make me big headed too) -

but as far as conduct at the poker table goes - not even in the same league as the pokerbrat -

So he's a bit of a player....Big Fraggin Deal

RB

[MrMon]

[ QUOTE ]

How did you build your bankroll back up?

“I was in a home game with a friend of mine, and I had $1,000 to my net worth. But, my friend is one of the two most degenerate gamblers I’ve ever met in my life. He’s a good friend of mine, but he’s a sick, sick man. So, he invites me over to his house to play poker. He wants to play for $1,000. I’m like, ‘Alright, I have $1,000 or zero. What’s the difference, right? Either way I’m tilted.’ So, I played him heads up and won. Then he wants to play for $2,000. I won. Then he wants to play me for $3,000. I won. So, now I have $7,000 to my name. He says, ‘Let’s play for $10,000.’ But, I didn’t have ten. So, he’s like, ‘I’ll tell you what. If you win, I’ll pay you within three months, and if I win, you pay me within one year.’ How can I say no to that? So, we played, and I busted him on the second hand. He settled up by paying me $7,000 the next day. So, all the sudden, I had $14,000. That bankroll is the same bankroll I have today.”

[/ QUOTE ]

Maybe I'm missing something, but does this mean he's playing at his level with a $14K bankroll? If true, eyeopening.

[surfdoc]

Total rubbage.

I will say one thing about this article. The decription of that particular club in Vegas is spot on. I got lucky a few months back when my brother hooked up with this woman who was a sales executive for Grey Goose. They had some enormous party we got comped to with Journey playing in one room and this club downstairs. Unlimited free Grey Goose. Amazing eye candy. Yeah, good times.

[TheNoodleMan]

OH MY GOD, Antonio is SUP BRO!

[WWJFergusonD?]

Turns out that after viewing The Magician's "Rockin'" website, Paul Phillips did decide to comment, after all:

http://extempore.livejournal.com/95388.html

/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

[drewjustdrew]

[ QUOTE ]
you're right - Swing dancing not Line. That's a bit redneck for him maybe

[/ QUOTE ]

You're both wrong. It's ballroom dancing.

[jackdaniels]

I don't usually do this but I found it too funny to pass up:

[ QUOTE ]
that whole bit about teaching people what it is to party "1 nightclub at a time" reminded me of "The Sherminator" from American Pie.
Antonio Esfandiari, a sophisticated sex robot sent back in time to show people how to get down, 1 lucky lady at a time

[/ QUOTE ]

From Pauls website. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[drewjustdrew]

[ QUOTE ]
Seemed very proud of themselves for buddying up to a true 'poker-celebrity'
Something like that anyway.


I almost snorted my drink out of my nose at her "We're so cool because we hang out with Fischman" attitude.


[/ QUOTE ]

Sounds very similar to a player at the 15-30 I played with several years ago. She became known as Mrs. Chip Jett.

[MicroBob]

that's kinda funny. I know they met in Tunica (as mentioned in their ESPN feature) so obviously you were there.

The Mrs. Chip Jett is MUCH better looking than this girl I played with however.


Chip was the only 'name' player i got to sit with on the PPM cruise. He was dominating the table and ended day 1 with the chip lead.
I bluffed him out of one pot...but this was after he had already pushed me around for plenty of my chips.
I was very impressed with his play. Laggy but intimidating.

[Voltron87]

What an idiot.

There is a huge difference between going out and partying, living it up, and being an obnoxious [censored].

[drewjustdrew]

Oops. I misposted. I played with her at the Bellagio. At that time it appeared she was mingling with many of the high-limit kids.

[Aytumious]

[ QUOTE ]
It didn't seem possible, but I believe we have a real contender, at the very least.

An article by Antonio Esfandiari, appearing in All In magazine:

Body English Spoken Here

It's midnight in Vegas, two nights into the brand new year. A cool mist falls on rain-slick streets as a limo pulls up to the Hard Rock Casino and spills out its passengers, me, my buddy Adam, Chris "Jesus" Ferguson, David Williams, Kasey Thompson and some others who have the good sense to stay nameless. We're heading to one of Sin City's top nightspots, Body English, for a little drinking, dancing, and feasting of the eyes. Especially feasting.

Since opening last Memorial Day, Body has become the place to be seen for the primo stuff strutters of Las Vegas and talented amateurs who come from out of town long on attitude and short on clothes. If Body isn't wall to wall with beautiful betties tonight, we'll eat our hats.

We make our way to the club entrance just off the main casino floor, past display cases crammed with the usual Hard Rock memorabilia. A David Lee Roth jumpsuit. Signed Eric Clapton guitar. Tupac Shakur's mug shot, whatever. There's a long line of rockstars-in-their-minds at the door, waiting behind the proverbial velvet rope, hoping to get in, hoping that their Scarface Tony Montana (boys) or Paris Hilton (girls) look will get them the green light from Cory and his men at the door. We don't wait of course. We've booked a table with bottle service. So we pass under the jealous gaze of the rope riders and slide inside. Poor rubes, they'll waste their night on the rope line, hoping just to pay the $20 "official" cover, and turtle into the club if they get the chance. Don't they know that life's too short to wait in line? Guess not.

Antonio’s First Rule of Nightclubbing:

Always book a table in advance. The more you pay, the more it’s worth.

Down we go into the throbbing heart of the club, two full floors of hot decadence buried deep beneath the casino.

DJ AM is spinning the steel wheels. He's flown in from LA specially for this gig and right now he's chilling the crowd with some smooth dub house but later he'll have everyone bouncing to his beat like puppets on a string. Props to the man, when he gets workin', he's Pavlov and we're his dogs.

The stunning Jennifer leads us to our private booth where we find a dark oak table surrounded by red leather couches and tricked out out with mixers, chilled glasses, snacks and an icebucketed bottle of Grey Goose. Yeah, I know that bottle would cost, like, twenty-five bucks at BevMo and here it'll set us back three bills, but it's totally worth it. While we're in here winning the party, the wannabes are still be riding the rope line, waiting, going nowhere fast. If you're a hottie, you could shake your way into Body, but for Joe Schmo and his buddies from the boondocks, they may as well go sit in the parking lot and watch the neon signs – either that or slip Mr. Franklin into the right hand.

Antonio’s Second Rule of Nightclubbing:

There's no such thing as a free lunch.

The night ripens. Some petite betties from Canada drift over, shyly orbiting our booth, looking for a way to break the ice. Silly betties, just being them is all the icebreaking they need. But we know what they're thinking – have they seen us on TV or what? To help them out, I give them my trademark "Antonio wave," and they break out into squeals of laughter. "I knew it!" shrieks one. "I knew it was him!" Do we invite them to join us for a drink? Does a bear [censored] in the woods?

Antonio’s Third Rule of Nightclubbing:

Celebrity has its privileges.

The Grey Goose gives way to more Grey Goose, Patron Silver, a bottle of Belvedere, and then Jesus just has to have some Dom. The lovely Jennifer keeps everything running smoothly, and we all start to run smoothly too, mixing trips to the dance floor with lengthy lounges on the couches in the company of our new friends from the Great White North. One laughing betty fails Adam's patented sobriety test, where he holds up his hand, fingers spread, and asks, "How many hands am I holding up?" If they say one, they’re still sober...

If they say five, they're not. This one just falls out into hysterical giggling. Not fit to drive. Not fit to do much of anything but sit there and be beautiful, but baby that's enough.

Antonio’s Fourth Rule of Nightclubbing:

You know you've had too much to drink when you go to brush something off your shoulder and it's the floor.

Before we know it, it's 4:30, officially closing time but in fact Body stays open as long as the seals on new bottles are still getting cracked. The world's dull normals will be going off to work before we roll out. Maybe we'll head over to Drai's at the Barbary Coast for a little after-after-after-hours action or off to the Egg and I on Sahara for breakfast. Or maybe we'll just cruise back to my place to see what the day will bring. It always amazes me the way time goes away in a great nightclub. Once you're in that groove, the past and the future disappear, and all you have is the hot, perfect now. It's like an intense poker game, or even meditation.

Meditation's a damn sight cheaper, though, right? Yeah, I guess. If cheaper's what you want. But meditation won't get you a night like this, or a bevy of betties from Canada who jump in the limo with you when you go. As for the money (our tab tonight will top out north of two grand) I say what the hell, you can't take it with you. As my friend the good Dr. Vorhaus puts it, "You're born broke, you die broke, everything else is just fluctuation."

Back when I was struggling and scuffling, waiting tables and performing magic at parties to make ends meet, I never dreamed I'd have the scratch to do it up right at a place like Body English. Now that I do, I never forget I'm blessed. Blessed that I found my gift of poker. Blessed to turn that gift into big wins. Blessed with great friends who have my back. Blessed by the betties – what would life be without them? Someone once said, "Living well is the best revenge." I don't know about that, but I do know this: Anything that's worth doing is worth overdoing. And that’s the best rule of clubbing of all.

Author: Antonio Esfandiari

[/ QUOTE ]

In order to better understand someone, I often imagine what they must have been like around the age of 12 or so and then also what they will be around 65. When you do that with a guy like this, it's truly hilarious.

[smokingrobot]

is it me or was that issue a giant ad for the heads up tournie on tv... what a waste

[Mike Vegas]

Played with Antonio at the Bellagio last December. Other than talking to someone on the rail about going out that night like a "playa" he was a nice kid. Very gracious when he busted out and wished everyone good luck. I was 25 once and was making a lot of money. Thank God I was not asked to write any articles for "High Times".

[bromad1972]

[ QUOTE ]
Back when I was struggling and scuffling, waiting tables and performing magic at parties to make ends meet, I never dreamed I'd have the scratch to do it up right at a place like Body English. Now that I do, I never forget I'm blessed. Blessed that I found my gift of poker. Blessed to turn that gift into big wins. Blessed with great friends who have my back. Blessed by the betties – what would life be without them?

[/ QUOTE ]

Man you guys can be such sourpusses sometimes. No one wants to read an article about sitting at home and being humble. Poker is entertainment. "All In" magazine is entertainment. Get over yourselves.

And although this article is very brash and bragadocious, at least the guy says he is blessed in most of the aspects of his life. I have never heard Helmouth say anything like that.

[Daliman]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Back when I was struggling and scuffling, waiting tables and performing magic at parties to make ends meet, I never dreamed I'd have the scratch to do it up right at a place like Body English. Now that I do, I never forget I'm blessed. Blessed that I found my gift of poker. Blessed to turn that gift into big wins. Blessed with great friends who have my back. Blessed by the betties – what would life be without them?

[/ QUOTE ]

Man you guys can be such sourpusses sometimes. No one wants to read an article about sitting at home and being humble. Poker is entertainment. "All In" magazine is entertainment. Get over yourselves.

And although this article is very brash and bragadocious, at least the guy says he is blessed in most of the aspects of his life. I have never heard Helmouth say anything like that.

[/ QUOTE ]

You don't watch enough Hellmuth then. A reasonable sin, to say the least. I believe it was on a WSOP 2004 broadcast where he said he is a thousand times blessed, and he mentions how lucky he is VERY often in articles and such.