Opinions please: Maxim Magazine & My teenage son

[Packerfan1]

Hi all:

My son, who is almost 15, has been busted twice over the last month for seeking out porn on his computer by his computer savvy mother.

For many reasons this is unacceptable. However, as the internet is that generation's version of "dirty" magazines, it is also completely expected and understandable (and frankly somewhat relieving to most fathers that their boys have interest in naked girls rather than other boys or Michael Jackson or their pet gerbil) /images/graemlins/smirk.gif

Because of this, we're wondering if we should give/allow him an option that we can at least control the content of. Namely the psuedo-porn "men's interest" magazines like Maxim or FHM (the only two I know, feel free to suggest others) that I understand are very popular with the older 16-18 teen boys.

Does anyone here have comments regarding the appropriateness or inappropriateness of these magazines for a 15 year old?

Thanks.

Pack

[PhatTBoll]

Grab one and read it. It's Cosmopolitan for dudes. All the issues are pretty much the same except for the pictures.

[Tron]

[ QUOTE ]
For many reasons this is unacceptable.

[/ QUOTE ]

The main one being, of course, that your 15-year-old isn't tricky enough to look at porn on the computer without getting caught. Come on, man.

Please don't tell me she busted him just by looking through the History folder.

I think getting him a subscription to Maxim is a bad idea... First of all, most of the articles are too mature and would probably give him bad ideas if he didn't take them with the grain of salt that an adult would (which he won't) and secondly, it'd be a waste of money... He'll probably continue to look for porn anyway.

[Non_Comformist]

I think it would only strengthen the desire to seek out porn. It really depends on what the rules of your house are. I would be against it at 15.

[Brown Thumb]

If your treat the topic of sex immaturely, your son will be immature about sex.

Why don't you have a real conversation about it. Find out why he likes it, and you can tell him that its cool, and that you like to look at hair pie when the old lady is sleeping. Of course, he may be confused, and you can tell him that you are not looking at the old lady's hair pie when she's sleeping, but you are out making snail tracks on the the front of the computer chair.

Men like to look at porn. If your son was still playing with Star Wars figurines, you might be scratching your head, or wondering if he's grown his balls yet.

You got nothing to worry about. Stop pretending that you weren't a teenager once.

[young nut]

hmmm...I have some reasons for doing it and some for not doing it.

Maxim would be better than most of the hardcore internet stuff thats out there. I mean, you don't want him to start thinking that choking women and tying them up and stuff is OK. So I think Maxim is a little more tasteful.

But on the other hand, Maxim is for adults. A lot of the content in there is related to sex. So if you don't mind him reading that than its fine. Hell, little 12 year old girls read crap like Cosmo and other explicitly adult magazines. But also look how slutty American girls have gotten.

I think its probably fine to get him the magazine, but it might be a little awkward to tell him.

dad: "i got you a subscription to Maxim"
childe: "why"
dad: "uh...so you can...uh..read it in the bathroom"

[maldini]

have the mom get off his case. get him a computer of his own. if he wants to pick up viruses or whatever the problem is, then fine. is there really anything wrong with a 15yr old looking at porn on the internet? i mean, 13yrs old is an issue, but 15? seems normal. would you appreciate your wife bothering YOU about such things? i pretty sure it beats victoria secret or whatever i was getting my hands on at the time, with the exact same downside (none).

of course, if he starts using your CC for paid sites then kick his ass.

i

[Sponger15SB]

I wouldn't let him read it.

[DemonDeac]

Maxim is awesome
although most of the stuff in there is above a 15 yr olds head, if u ask me

[Duke]

When I was 15 i used to look at Hustler and Penthouse.

Given that, I think my opinion is irrelevent, considering that you actually said: "For many reasons this is unacceptable."

I, personally, don't see anything wrong with it, except the virus thing. He should have his own machine because of that. Kids are stupid when it comes to computer security.

~D

[mason55]

I would rather have my son reading Playboy than Maxim. At least Playboy pretends to treat women with respect.

Unless you're trying to teach your son to not respect women and treat them like crap, then get him Maxim. Personally I'd rather have my child respect women.

[PoBoy321]

He, like all teenage boys, needs to learn how to hide porn on his computer, and how to buy porno before he's 18.

Also, what kind of porn was he looking at? If it was normal type stuff, I'd admonish him for it, because it'd be weird if you didn't, then not really mention it again and accept that boys will be boys.

If he's looking at 8 year old girls with dogs, or BDSM type stuff, then you just have to to have a conversation about what appropriate sexual behavior is.

As for magazines like Maxim or FHM, I wouldn't get him a subscription or anything, just because it would be weird for him to be like "Yeah, my dad got me a subscription to Maxim." If he wants it, he'll save up his lunch money and buy it on his own.

[A_C_Slater]

Tell him if he doesn't stop you'll be forced to "cut it off."

[PoBoy321]

[ QUOTE ]
I would rather have my son reading Playboy than Maxim. At least Playboy pretends to treat women with respect.

[/ QUOTE ]

Don't forget the articles.

[mason55]

[ QUOTE ]
If he's looking at 8 year old girls with dogs, or BDSM type stuff, then you just have to to have a conversation about what appropriate sexual behavior is.

[/ QUOTE ]

I thought you were supposed to encourage your child's interests?

Seriously though, what's wrong with BDSM if that's what he's into?

[Wayfare]

[ QUOTE ]
Hi all:

My son, who is almost 15, has been busted twice over the last month for seeking out porn on his computer by his computer savvy mother.

For many reasons this is unacceptable. However, as the internet is that generation's version of "dirty" magazines, it is also completely expected and understandable (and frankly somewhat relieving to most fathers that their boys have interest in naked girls rather than other boys or Michael Jackson or their pet gerbil) /images/graemlins/smirk.gif

Because of this, we're wondering if we should give/allow him an option that we can at least control the content of. Namely the psuedo-porn "men's interest" magazines like Maxim or FHM (the only two I know, feel free to suggest others) that I understand are very popular with the older 16-18 teen boys.

Does anyone here have comments regarding the appropriateness or inappropriateness of these magazines for a 15 year old?

Thanks.

Pack

[/ QUOTE ]

I find it strange that two things are happening simultaneously:

1: You won't let your 15 year old kid look at porn
2: You are asking for parenting advice on a internet gambling messageboard.

[mason55]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I would rather have my son reading Playboy than Maxim. At least Playboy pretends to treat women with respect.

[/ QUOTE ]

Don't forget the articles.

[/ QUOTE ]

That's what I meant. The articles in Maxim are all about crazy stuff a 15 year old would take the wrong way. Playboy articles are sports and interviews with famous people.

[billyjex]

He's 14. He's probably already having sex. Let the kid view some goddamn porn.

[mason55]

[ QUOTE ]
He's 14. He's probably already having sex. Let the kid view some goddamn porn.

[/ QUOTE ]

Actually 15, but yeah, I was getting laid at that age. Didn't even think about that angle.

[PoBoy321]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
If he's looking at 8 year old girls with dogs, or BDSM type stuff, then you just have to to have a conversation about what appropriate sexual behavior is.

[/ QUOTE ] I thought you were supposed to encourage your child's interests?

Seriously though, what's wrong with BDSM if that's what he's into?

[/ QUOTE ]

Well, I don't mean that BDSM is inherently wrong, but if he's into weird stuff, you should probably have a talk about appropriate sexual behavior (i.e. don't [censored] dogs or beat women while you're screwing them).

[PokerFink]

I think you're overreacting. 15 is plenty old enough to be exposed to porn, assuming he isn't going over the top with hardcore bondage type stuff. I looked at porn all through highschool, and I've grown up to be very respectful of women and mature when it comes to sex etc. Tell Mommy to back off.

As a Maxim reader, let me say that a lot of the stuff in Maxim will be over his head. I enjoyed it back in highschool, but I also have an older brother and HBO, so I probably had a better-than-average understanding of the adult themes in Maxim for a young teen. And frankly, what's the difference between looking at boobs, and looking at boobs that are covered up by a thin lacy bra? Like the bra makes it less corrupting?

[mason55]

[ QUOTE ]
Well, I don't mean that BDSM is inherently wrong, but if he's into weird stuff, you should probably have a talk about appropriate sexual behavior (i.e. don't [censored] dogs or beat women while you're screwing them).

[/ QUOTE ]

Word. Maybe he could buy him a leather hood or some leg shackles too?

[PoBoy321]

[ QUOTE ]
He's 14. He's probably already having sex. Let the kid view some goddamn porn.

[/ QUOTE ]

Kids are screwing around in grade school these days. It's kinda messed up. But yeah, if you're worried about him getting viruses on the computer or staining your desk chair or whatever, understandable. It's perfectly normal and natural for him to be looking at porn, and as a matter of fact, I'd probably be more worried if he wasn't interested in that stuff.

[Duke]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
If he's looking at 8 year old girls with dogs, or BDSM type stuff, then you just have to to have a conversation about what appropriate sexual behavior is.

[/ QUOTE ]

I thought you were supposed to encourage your child's interests?

Seriously though, what's wrong with BDSM if that's what he's into?

[/ QUOTE ]

He's 15. He's not 'into' anything.

That's the problem with the "don't look at porn" mindset when applied to kids. It leaves you absolutely no room for guidance in the matter, and you never know what fetish of the week he'll think is normal.

If you try to prevent him from looking at all porn, which is a logistical impossibility anyhow, you can never say: "Yeah, bukkake and piss videos aren't normal, and only a small percentage of people actually do that sort of thing."

This is all assuming that your son is not R Kelly.

~D

[PokerFink]

[ QUOTE ]
I find it strange that two things are happening simultaneously:

1: You won't let your 15 year old kid look at porn
2: You are asking for parenting advice on a internet gambling messageboard.

[/ QUOTE ]

vnh

[istewart]

It is imperative that you allow him to find Aurora Snow and Sylvia Saint.

[FishBurger]

Post deleted by Mat Sklansky

[PoBoy321]

You should be shot.

[Felix_Nietsche]

One of my fond memories as a teenager was discovering my father's Playboy Magazine collection underneath his bed. It always amazed me that in many of the women's bios they were only slightly older than I was at the time.... The temptation of forbidden fruit is rather intoxicating for teenagers on massive hormone overdrive...

With regard to internet porn, much of it is pretty twisted stuff. Banning that is a good idea. My recommendation would have been for hubby to get Playboy, let son see him reading it, and 'hide' it under his bed. Being a smart son, he will find it. Playboy is pretty tasteful about the female body.

As for Maxim, I know a girl who LOVES Maxim magazine BUT....she feels ashamed buying it so more than one time she has asked me to buy it for her... Maxim does has articles on sex but it is better your son get it from Maxim than some of those sick-twisted internet sites...

[Felix_Nietsche]

I'm NOT going to report you (because i'm too lazy) but if someone else did....hint...hint...hint....

I would be support their efforts.

[Felix_Nietsche]

I think many of the articles in Maxim teach men not to be taken advantage of by women.

Face it. You take your average man and your average women and they get into a verbal fight. 9 times out of 10 who is going to be the emotional pretzle after its over. Answer the man!

Magazines like Maxim often have good articles on the types of games that women play in relationships and how a REAL MAN should respond.....rather than the average wimp out there who puts up with that crud... If anything, many of the Maxim articles teach men...How to Teach Women to RESPECT Them.

I'm not one of those people who view women as 'dainty innocent little butterflies'. They can be VERY tough and mean. /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[billyjex]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
He's 14. He's probably already having sex. Let the kid view some goddamn porn.

[/ QUOTE ]

Actually 15, but yeah, I was getting laid at that age. Didn't even think about that angle.

[/ QUOTE ]

OP: My son, who is almost 15,

[YourFoxyGrandma]

I think you need to consider further your reasoning as to why looking at porn is unacceptable for your son. Are you worried it's teaching him to objectify women or that it's giving him a twisted view of sex in the real world? Whatever the case, giving him a Maxim subscription is only going to send a confusing message. You need to figure out what it is exactly that you're trying to teach your son and go from there.

[jdl22]

I believe the proper format is "Dear Bison," (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=2284346&page=1&view=colla psed&sb=5&o=14&fpart=1)

[MelK]

I think the correct approach is to get your son signed up at 2+2, and tell him to post in OOT. We can answer all his questions and direct him to age appropriate sites.

[mostsmooth]

let him look at the pron already, geez

[SpearsBritney]

I wouldn't worry about your son's use of the internet at all. It is perfectly normal. He is not hurting anyone, and it will only be a few more years before you have no control over what he does anyway. Anything you might be concerned about him stumbling across, he probably already has.
If he can't see it at home he'll just go to a cafe or a friends house and burn it.
The internet is here to stay, and the world is going to hell, and there's nothing you can do about it except deal with it.

[tbach24]

lol, kid at my school downloads lots and lots of porn, me and my housemaster found like 1800 things of spyware on his computer from it. it literally took 5 minutes to open up I.E on his computer.

[Jeff W]

Covertly leave out some playboys for him to find. I understand your concern with him being exposed to the vile [censored] that is on the internet and virii/spyware. However, if you aren't careful, you your wife's totalitarian tactics are going to [censored] up his mind. If you haven't had a talk with him re: the birds and the bees, then now is the time.

[OtisTheMarsupial]

[ QUOTE ]
I would rather have my son reading Playboy than Maxim.

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree. Playboy has more actual content. He can get off AND get an education.

Maxim teaches guys how to con a grumpy woman into bed, whereas Playboy teaches readers about the Big Bang. (seriously, these are articles in each mag right now)

But honestly, I wouldn't buy my son either.

[astroglide]

i vote playboy too. it's not hardcore at all and the articles/interviews can be excellent.

for a kid specifically, the advisor column might teach him some stuff.

my only concern as a parent in this situation would be desensitization.

[Cyrus]

I know precisely where you are. Here's two cents:

Buying him a sub to a magazine will not act as a deterrent but as an appetizer. We gotta face the fact that the internet is here and it is everywhere.

The magazine's content is not "controlled". A hack mag like Maxim will post crap as much as anything else - and I'm not talking about the sex stuff.

The sex stuff should be the least of your worries. I mean, I'm not the perfect father but have you talked to your son about sex at all? BTW, I find that this is one of the most difficult talks you can have and I have spoken to some tough audiences.

I am not a teenager but I cannot forget how thinking about sex ruled approximately 23 hours of my day - the 24th hour I was feeling guilty about the thoughts I was having. Turns out it's all natural - we are at our sexual peak at that age. In other words, despite appearances (perhaps), you are dealing with a stable-kicking stud. Proceed accordingly.

Even if access to net porn or "dirty mags" is cut off, sexual temptation is everywhere. (I know, I know, the commodification of sex is what's disgusting, and not the liberalisation of mores. But this ain't the Politics forum, to discuss it some more.) So, again, the whole sex thing is what's at stake, and not merely "dirty pix".

Masturbation is not unacceptable.

And it's not acceptable either. It's like peeing or laughing at comedy; a fact of life. I humbly suggest that you try to deal with the fact of your son's sexuality a little better than policing his computer, if for no other reason, because you are needed to give him equally important advice about other important things in life aside from sex, and you want him to trust you and believe that you can give him solid, real-life advice.

Best of luck.

[Dominic]

he's going to look at it anyway. So you might as well get him a subscription, right?

And make sure you KNOCK before entering his room!

/images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[PokerGoblin]

I didn't read every post but here's my thought anyhow... I hope this isn't redundant.

Why not get him playboy? The pics are tastefully done, and it at least intended for a mature audience as far as the content goes. Maxim and Stuff and those pussy mags are for dudes whose wives won't let them get playboy.

The internet is full of jerkoff material, Maxim is not. Buying him Maxim isn't going to help anything. There's really no way to quell the situation, if he likes porn he's going to seek it out online. Just make sure he's aware of the negativity with some of it... that some porn is completely unnaceptable ie kiddie porn etc.

Hope that helps a little, good luck.

PG

[DcifrThs]

[ QUOTE ]
Why don't you have a real conversation about [sex]. Find out why he likes it

[/ QUOTE ]

wow... just wow, man.

-Barron

[flair1239]

[ QUOTE ]
If your treat the topic of sex immaturely, your son will be immature about sex.

Why don't you have a real conversation about it. Find out why he likes it, and you can tell him that its cool, and that you like to look at hair pie when the old lady is sleeping. Of course, he may be confused, and you can tell him that you are not looking at the old lady's hair pie when she's sleeping, but you are out making snail tracks on the the front of the computer chair.

Men like to look at porn. If your son was still playing with Star Wars figurines, you might be scratching your head, or wondering if he's grown his balls yet.

You got nothing to worry about. Stop pretending that you weren't a teenager once.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah exactly. It is unacceptable to your wife that he looks at porn.

Personally I would have a talk with him about it. Give him the old women are not objects talk.

I think you forget though, the level of sexual tension in your average 15yo. I think that there should be some outlet for it. Why don't you get him a membership to a soft-core site? You know one with no BJ or moneyshots. Just good looking girls with no clothes?

[Bluffoon]

[ QUOTE ]
Hi all:

My son, who is almost 15, has been busted twice over the last month for seeking out porn on his computer by his computer savvy mother.

For many reasons this is unacceptable. However, as the internet is that generation's version of "dirty" magazines, it is also completely expected and understandable (and frankly somewhat relieving to most fathers that their boys have interest in naked girls rather than other boys or Michael Jackson or their pet gerbil) /images/graemlins/smirk.gif

Because of this, we're wondering if we should give/allow him an option that we can at least control the content of. Namely the psuedo-porn "men's interest" magazines like Maxim or FHM (the only two I know, feel free to suggest others) that I understand are very popular with the older 16-18 teen boys.

Does anyone here have comments regarding the appropriateness or inappropriateness of these magazines for a 15 year old?

Thanks.

Pack

[/ QUOTE ]

He has already learned how to view and treat women. He has learned from you. There isn't much you can do now to change those views and behaviours.

I would get your wife off his case. Set reasonable boundaries and guidelines, give the kid some space and some privacy and some.... respect.

[turnipmonster]

your son is 15, he is going to look at pron and probably smoke/drink/drugs other stuff. I think everyone is vastly underestimating most 15 year olds. the birds and the bees?

--turnipmonster

[purnell]

Porn, including some of the stuff you find in Maxim, is really about the subjugation of women. I think getting him these kinds of magazines will teach him the kind of attitudes that will make it difficult to engage in meaningful relationships with women. So, I guess I'm saying no, don't do that.

[Reef]

there is basically internet access anywhere he goes, so if he wants to look at that stuff- it's going to happen.

if you really want to stop him.. just have "the talk" with him adn then go on and both of you look at some online porn together afterwards. It will make him feel SO akward as to never want to do that in your house again.

If not, just explain to him that you understand his curiousity, and hormones, since you were a teenager once, etc.. then ask him to quit because _____ (he's not of age, mother doesn't like it, inappropriate, etc)___. and to use maxim as a personal spank bank for now

[Fins]

Is your wife buying this ruse? Just buy the {censored} magazine and don't worry about adding "... uh... it's for my son..."





Just to play the game... I wouldn't buy it for a 15 yr. old.

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
My son, who is almost 15, has been busted twice over the last month for seeking out porn on his computer by his computer savvy mother. For many reasons this is unacceptable....

Does anyone here have comments regarding the appropriateness or inappropriateness of these magazines for a 15 year old?


[/ QUOTE ]

I'm trying to figure out whether this post is a joke or just unintentional comedy. What are the reason's this is unacceptable? Is he using your credit card for pay sites? If not, the kid's 15. Why are you treating him like a 9 year-old? Leave him alone.

[TimM]

[ QUOTE ]
and to use maxim as a personal spank bank for now

[/ QUOTE ]

I was 15 once, and I can tell you, once you've gotten used to real pr0n, tame stuff like Maxim and Playboy aren't going to cut it anymore. He will keep trying and maybe cover his tracks better.

[PokerFink]

[ QUOTE ]
Porn, including some of the stuff you find in Maxim, is really about the subjugation of women. I think getting him these kinds of magazines will teach him the kind of attitudes that will make it difficult to engage in meaningful relationships with women. So, I guess I'm saying no, don't do that.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is a joke right?

Whether or not porn is about the subjugation of women can be up for debate, and I don't want to get into that.

But looking at porn leads to difficulty in engaging in a meaningful relationship? Wow... that is so off base.

[ChoicestHops]

I dont see the big deal. You never looked at porn when you were his age?

Unless you control every aspect of your kid's life, he's going to be sexually active when he's 16 or 17 and you're trying to control his viewing sex when he's 15?

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
Porn, including some of the stuff you find in Maxim, is really about the subjugation of women. I think getting him these kinds of magazines will teach him the kind of attitudes that will make it difficult to engage in meaningful relationships with women. So, I guess I'm saying no, don't do that.

[/ QUOTE ]

I've always found this idea hilarious. In particular the idea with respect to strip clubs. They take these guys wrap them around their fingers, take all they're money and somehow they're the ones being used. /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

Porn is basically the same thing. A hot chick making money for basically doing nothing. She shows a little skin on the Internet and guys throw money at her.

[PokerFink]

[ QUOTE ]
In particular the idea with respect to strip clubs. They take these guys wrap them around their fingers, take all they're money and somehow they're the ones being used. /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

vnh

[Piz0wn0reD!!!!!!]

Let him get all the porn he wants. Just make sure its "good" porn. Not tubgirl and the likes.

[purnell]

"strip clubs" and "meaningful relationships" have never met.

[Matt Flynn]

why do people get so bent about this. i vote for telling mom to stop looking at "his" computer.

have the condom talk. get him a lock for his bedroom door. tell him to use either should the need arise. if you don't want him having sex tell him that. if you do not want him having sex in the house make that crystal clear.

matt

[B Dids]

Maxim will do more to [censored] up the kid's head than gonzo porn would.

A- let the kid watch porn

B- if you don't want to, then something like Maxim is just retarded as an alternative. (honestly- like somebody else said, it's portrayal of women is MUCH more negative than Playboy, and the writing is HORRIBLE).

[YourFoxyGrandma]

I hope you see the irony in coming to a gambling internet forum for parenting advice.

[Felix_Nietsche]

That post was gross. /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[gorie]

i know nothing about maxim magazine. but as a girl growing up i consider myself to have had good morals, didn't drink, do drugs, or have sex. aka a boring teenager. and not because my parents were strict or anything like that, i just didn't want to.

but anyway, i did look at porn sometimes. people like sex and are extremely curious at that age. i don't think it's going to have a bad effect on your son that he looks at porn. and most teenagers are going to find ways to do things their parents don't want them to do.

i think it is good that he knows it is not acceptable in your opinion as a parent for him to be looking at porn. i think it'd be bad if you gave the impression it was completely acceptable. but i wouldn't make a big deal out of it either. "you shouldn't be looking at that, it objectifies women / we don't allow that in our home / (whatever your reason)", along with a sex talk if you feel its appropriate, and let him make his own decisions about it from then on (he'll probably just try better at not getting caught) - i wouldn't go out of your way to catch him, but still keep an eye on his activity if you are concerned. checking up on him all the time will only embarrass him and he will feel he has no privacy, which is huge for a teenager.
unless it's being done on a family computer and you have other reasons to be concerned about this being on the computer, then i can understand being more strict about it.

anyway, i don't think i would buy him the magazine unless he asked for it. i wouldn't offer it for him as an acceptable replacement. i agree with YourFoxyGrandma or whoever said that it might just send a confusing message, for you to say it is bad one way, then offer another.

also i have no idea what articles in these magazines are like so i can't really comment (though i doubt he'd be that interested in those). but someone said something about how they "teach men how to teach women to respect them" - ok if that is really what these magazines are about, do NOT get it for him.
most guys these days do not know how to treat girls right. period. i would be very careful about providing things to read that might encourage this attitude.
girl: how come you never buy me flowers ?
guy: how come YOU never buy ME flowers ?
very typical these days... it's messed up.

anyway, i don't think porn is bad. but i don't think it is good either. if he wants the mag, i think you should allow it. but i wouldn't necessarily offer it. ?

it is more important to make sure your son knows how to respect women and treat them well than anything. but i do believe that is possible to do and still look at porn sometimes /images/graemlins/smile.gif regardless of how you handle the situation i am sure it will be fine...

[Alobar]

hes 15, let the poor kid wank off.

[daveymck]

To be fair I think some of you young ones misunderstand our agegroup us 30+ers did not have internet porn at 14/15 we had the odd magazine, found parents joy of sex book and maybe a sex scene on a late night show, there was no 24hr on tap hardcore porn like these days. I maybe got the internet at 18/19 ish and it was dial up so bloody hopeless anyway.

Like all these areas Drink etc my preferance would be to give boundries of acceptability, allowing him to explore and experience but without the risks or dangers. In this case maybe giving some acceptable sites or whatever (its hard cos its going to be embarrising). I would rather buy him a subscription to metart or hegre-archives and say that is acceptable than have him roaming free at home or at his mates where it will be out of control.

Its not about his attitude to woman its about the raging hormones and 24 hour thought of sex at that age.

[Patrick del Poker Grande]

The biggest dicks/douchebags in the world are the ones that you can tell took all their life/relationship/douchebaggery cues from Maxim/Stuff/FHM. It depends on how impressionable your kid is, but I'd say if he gets real hooked on Maxim at 15, you're putting him in great danger of being the biggest douchebag you know by the time he's in college. I read Maxim all the time, but I know it's funny and I don't live my life by it. I can't stand the idiots who try to live it out.

I'd agree with the earlier post about Playboy at least pretending to respect the women. I guess the danger there is that if he actually does read the articles and gets hooked on them, you'll end up with a junior Bill Maher - not much better than the Maxim douchebag.

My advice would be to give the old talk about how you don't approve of these things, don't do it in the house, you need to respect women, etc... bust him once, and then look the other way when you catch him on occasion, as long as it's not anything too bad.

[Clarkmeister]

Put me in the "there's way worse stuff on TV" camp. Heck, there's likely worse stuff on a daily basis in his High School.

[Dex]

[ QUOTE ]
most girls these days do not know how to treat guys right. period.

[/ QUOTE ]

[ QUOTE ]
most guys these days have realized that being pussywhipped is just silly. period.

[/ QUOTE ]

Fixed your post. Twice.

[texasholdemnut]

Your lucky, my 15 year old would rather play a video game than have a girlfriend. I'm starting to worry.

[MoreWineII]

15 years old?! I'd say let him look at anything soft-core, who cares. He's gonna need to know where the girl goodies are very soon anyway.

I'd put the ixnay on the harder-core stuff though til he's 18. He's gonna find it anyway, but don't encourage it.

[Spladle Master]

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I believe the proper format is "Dear Bison," (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=2284346&page=1&view=colla psed&sb=5&o=14&fpart=1)

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[Tron]

I think it's about time for a follow-up post.

[Pocket Trips]

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Well, I don't mean that BDSM is inherently wrong, but if he's into weird stuff, you should probably have a talk about appropriate sexual behavior (i.e. don't [censored] dogs or beat women while you're screwing them).

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Word. Maybe he could buy him a leather hood or some leg shackles too?

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AWESOME! I wish my dad had gotten me my very own "gimp" when I was younger /images/graemlins/shocked.gif

[Packerfan1]

Hi all:

Thanks to those who gave more than a minute of thought to their response and left their true feelings and opinions as men and other fathers on this issue. Just like many of the poker threads here, some of the responses were useful, some were not.

I really can't responsd specifically to comments as the thread has gotten a lot of response over several days, but I'll make some followup comments as requested by a poster.

The direct answer to the direct question that I asked (Is Maxim an appropriate, controlled alternative to netporn) appears to be pretty clear - No. Thank you. This is what I wanted to know.

For those in the "Let him wank off"/"leave him alone"/"this is natural" camp... may I say... "Duh." /images/graemlins/grin.gif Sure, we've all been there, its part of growing up. I have no Christian moral issues with it. Its fine. Dandy. Don't do it at school, don't do it in front of little kids, don't leave a mess on the ceiling.. ok? Problem with that plan is there are Moms involved who never have been teenage boys and feel that pornography is demeaning to women, disgusting, etc. (and for many wives/moms the etc. does go on for awhile /images/graemlins/smirk.gif ) And since most of us would rather still do the Mom occassionally vs. going back to porn, Dad better agree with Mom's opinion.

Which leads me to the comments that imply or outright claim that I haven't talked with my son sufficiently about this (and other) issues. While a valid observation for a huge percentage of parents, that one bounces off of me. When he turned 13 I took him on a special weekend trip to a waterpark hotel where we listened to the tape set "Preparing for Adolescence" by James Dobson and had lenghtly adult level discussions on the issues he was going to be dealing with as a teenager. I plan on doing it again this summer before he turns 15 as a refresher. My comments after Mom busted him the first time was simple - I understand, its completely natural, but you can not use our computers (and his computer is OUR computer) for porn. Network TV was good enough for me as a teen, I'm sure cable and your imagination will serve as fine options.

Which brings us to the real issue is that when he went back to surfing for porn on MY computer - we have a respect/obedience issue... now THAT I won't allow. So the magazine idea was, I thought, a possible way to have a fair compromise where he could get what he wants/needs and wouldnt need to disobey his parents to get it.

And finally to the posters who made what I'm sure they thought was a funny comment about asking for parenting advice on a gambling forum. This is the OOT forum. This was an OOTopic. I wanted opinions from other men and I got them. So go back to your $.25/$.50 game - maybe you could get some poker advice from the porn sites you frequent. /images/graemlins/smirk.gif

Pack

PS- For the rest of you Dad's who are interested, in addition to the Dobson tapes, I'd also recommend "Raising a Modern Day Knight" and "Parenting Teens with Love and Logic". I thought they were both helpful. fwiw.

[Packerfan1]

You too! Me too!

Don't get me started. lol... believe me, a big part of me is relieved to see him hunt down some porn.

Pack

[Dex]

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The biggest dicks/douchebags in the world are the ones that you can tell took all their life/relationship/douchebaggery cues from Maxim/Stuff/FHM.

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You win the / award! /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[HopeydaFish]

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Hi all:

My son, who is almost 15, has been busted twice over the last month for seeking out porn on his computer by his computer savvy mother.

For many reasons this is unacceptable. However, as the internet is that generation's version of "dirty" magazines, it is also completely expected and understandable (and frankly somewhat relieving to most fathers that their boys have interest in naked girls rather than other boys or Michael Jackson or their pet gerbil) /images/graemlins/smirk.gif

Because of this, we're wondering if we should give/allow him an option that we can at least control the content of. Namely the psuedo-porn "men's interest" magazines like Maxim or FHM (the only two I know, feel free to suggest others) that I understand are very popular with the older 16-18 teen boys.

Does anyone here have comments regarding the appropriateness or inappropriateness of these magazines for a 15 year old?

Thanks.

Pack

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He'll probably appreciate you getting him the Maxim, or he'll be totally grossed out by the fact that his dad is giving him material to jerk-off with (because that's what he'll be using it for, my friend). Either way, this will *not* address the issue that you're hoping to address. Maxim will just whet his appetite for more porn.

You don't need to talk to your son right now, you need to talk to your wife first. She needs to accept the fact that her son is a teenager full of hormones and is curious about such things. Nothing she does will keep him from seeking out pictures of naked women. At 15 years old, he's at his sexual peak -- he'll never be constantly horny as he is now. To treat him with a heavy hand now is to teach him that sex is wrong and dirty -- which will both make it more appealing to him, plus can potentially screw him up later in life.

You wife will never understand your son's motivations like you do -- men are visual creatures, we *need* to look at such things. Women (for the most part) don't need the same level of visual stimulus. She needs to understand that it is *normal* for him to do this sort of thing -- and that she'll never be able to fully stop him from doing so. If she keeps checking his browser history in order to censor the sites that he's been viewing, he'll just end up seeing porn on his friends' computers, or will figure out how easy it is to cover his tracks at home (and I find it astounding that he hasn't figured out how to cover his tracks already -- the times he got caught were probably due more to carelessness on his part rather than your wife being "computer savvy").

Once your wife is under control, you need to have a chat with your son. It'll be uncomfortable for both of you, but it is *extremely* important that you do this. Tell him that it is normal to want to look at naked women, and it's nothing to be ashamed of (but try not to sound patronizing, kids hate that). Explain to him that he needs to be more careful because his mother is a little more sensitive about these sorts of things, and doesn't understand what it's like to be a guy. Tell him that you hope he waits to have sex, but when he finally does, to be sure to wear protection -- and then *give* him the protection. Tell him that you are *not* giving him the protection because you think it's okay for him to be having sex at this age, but that you realize there's nothing you can do to stop him when he's outside of your home and you're only hope is that he's safe about it if this is the path he decides to take. Emphasize that you think he's too young to be having sex. Tell him that he doesn't want to wreck his life by getting a girl pregnant. Don't focus on "disease" -- kids think they're immortal, and fear of getting AIDS or what have you doesn't factor into their decision-making.

Just so you understand where I'm coming from...My parents were much like your wife. They never talked to my sisters and I about sex, except to tell us that it was wrong and dirty (not in so many words), and were hyper-conservative about we were allowed to watch on TV, the movies we could see, the magazines we could read, etc... It just made that sort of thing that much more appealing for me (because it was "forbidden"). I'm sure they would have banned the internet from our home, simply because of the chance of us seeing porn. Anyway, I started having sex at 16, got a girl pregnant, but she had a miscarriage early on and my parents never found out. Both of my sisters became pregnant at 15. One had an abortion, the other had the child and is still living at home and missed out on most of the "normal" teenager stuff because she had a child to raise. The father of the child is paying child support, which I'm sure is a drag for someone his age. The worst part is that, even after watching my oldest sister get pregnant at 15, my parents still refused to talk to my youngest sister about sex. My oldest sister even warned my parents that my youngest sister was heading down the same road that she'd travelled...yet they felt that it would be "wrong" to talk to my youngest sister about safe sex -- because they felt that this would be condoning it.

What they didn't factor in is that they didn't need to condone it for her to do it.