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View Full Version : Money, Chicks, and a Big Pile of Poo


RocketManJames
04-26-2005, 01:35 AM
You find yourself in a public restroom while in the middle of a dinner date. Your date is pretty hot. Your stomach is slightly upset, and you take a gigantic SH**. But, you now realize that there's no toilet paper anywhere in this bathroom. It's a one person bathroom, so no one is coming to your aid.

You have a single $100 bill and a folded piece paper with your list of booty calls. You have no way to get these numbers again if you lose the list, and these are the chicks that you call with a good hit rate, but they will *never* call you.

If you go back to dinner smelling like total SH**, you are done with your date. Simple as that.

-RMJ

istewart
04-26-2005, 01:37 AM
Go to the ladies restroom. I like the scenario, by the way.

JoeC
04-26-2005, 01:37 AM
I would say the $100 bill, but if it's a "gigantic [censored]," how is one $100 bill going to cover it?

kipin
04-26-2005, 01:37 AM
Take a [censored] before I go on the date.

slickpoppa
04-26-2005, 01:37 AM
Use your hand and then stinkpalm your date. Then accuse her of being the one who smells.

miajag81
04-26-2005, 01:38 AM
Remove your boxers, use them, and go commando the rest of the night.

peachy
04-26-2005, 01:39 AM
stick ur bum in the sink hahah i dunno

GoblinMason (Craig)
04-26-2005, 01:40 AM
[ QUOTE ]
Remove your boxers, use them, and go commando the rest of the night.

[/ QUOTE ]

Beat me to it.

Beerfund
04-26-2005, 01:40 AM
The correct answer is your sock.

Evan
04-26-2005, 01:40 AM
If we're assuming that the $100 bill will take care of it, I would definitely go with that. Although, the assumptions seem unlikely.

diddle
04-26-2005, 01:41 AM
how are you going to get a date in the first place

BWebb
04-26-2005, 01:43 AM
Wash your ass in the sink, dry it with your boxers, throw them in the trash.

PokerFink
04-26-2005, 01:45 AM
Nice question, although I think 5 20's seems more reasonable than 1 100.

Anyway, using your boxers and going commando seems like the best idea. From the choices given, I'd say use the 100. $100 < pussy list.

TStoneMBD
04-26-2005, 01:47 AM
wipe your ass with your boxers or socks and go commando.

mason55
04-26-2005, 01:49 AM
If it's a one person bathroom then you can use the sink and just keep your boxers on if you're not into going commando (or if you're already commando).

And who is dumb enough to not check the TP before they unload? I think I learned to do that when I was about 8 years old.

DBowling
04-26-2005, 01:51 AM
paper towels, wet ones.
clog the toilet or put them in the trashcan, doesnt matter

purnell
04-26-2005, 02:00 AM
I clean my nasty ass with one or both hands, thoroughly wash up, and get back to my hot dinner date.

edit: If I wore underpants, I would have chosen to wipe with them.

DemonDeac
04-26-2005, 02:02 AM
[ QUOTE ]
Remove your boxers, use them, and go commando the rest of the night.

[/ QUOTE ]

nh

n f'in h, my friend

ethan
04-26-2005, 02:37 AM
[ QUOTE ]
Remove your boxers, use them, and go commando the rest of the night.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is so clearly the only correct answer that I'm surprised anything else has been said.

Klepton
04-26-2005, 02:53 AM
its pretty obvious that a 100 bill would not do that job.

you need at least 8 grand

and you didn't mention if you had chili, so 9 grand just in case

Alobar
04-26-2005, 03:07 AM
if a C note is going to do the job, then your ass isnt going to stink. So unless you are going to try and get her to play the rusty trombone later, just pull your pants up, wash your hands, and go back to the date.

Gamblor
04-26-2005, 03:07 AM
The correct answer is to waddle over to the sink and put your weak (i.e. if you're left handed you use your right hand) hand under the faucet until it's wet. Clean yourself with the wet hand and then make liberal use of the soap and water.

wash, rinse, repeat.

MasterShakes
04-26-2005, 03:15 AM
[ QUOTE ]
Remove your boxers, use them, and go commando the rest of the night.

[/ QUOTE ]

If you're wearing a t-shirt underneath whatever you're wearing, you could go with that too.

willie
04-26-2005, 03:19 AM
i go to a table, steal about 4 napkins and head back into the potty.

no way am i parting with either of those valuable things.

EliteNinja
04-26-2005, 03:23 AM
[ QUOTE ]
i go to a table, steal about 4 napkins and head back into the potty.

no way am i parting with either of those valuable things.

[/ QUOTE ]

Exactly, or use the paper towels if there are some.

Sephus
04-26-2005, 05:29 AM
indonesian style.

Richie Rich
04-26-2005, 05:37 AM
If the list is confirmed to have a good hit rate, and you don't need to spend $100 to get laid on a date, then returning to the current dinner date would clearly be -EV.

beset7
04-26-2005, 05:43 AM
[ QUOTE ]
Remove your boxers, use them, and go commando the rest of the night.

[/ QUOTE ]

Piz0wn0reD!!!!!!
04-26-2005, 07:00 AM
great question. great poll.

Blarg
04-26-2005, 07:38 AM
Look under the stalls, if you can do it without getting punched, and see if someone left a sports page around. Open other stall doors if you have to.

But really this issue is like women complaining about leaving the toilet seat up. I can't understand it. How could they get in any trouble without being retarded? Don't take a crap until you see toilet paper. If you're so bad off your ass is going to explode, you probably shouldn't be on a date anyway.

By the way, I highly recommend carrying around Tucks or Wash-n-Dry or whatever kind of small packaged moist towelettes, especially on dates. From years of hearing the totally cursory wipes guys make in the stalls next to me after taking giant nightmare sh_its, my guess is most guys have a pretty dangerous smell down there. Even if you clean pretty carefully, a wipe with a dampened towel will show you how much you've missed, and it's more than you think it would be. If you get lucky, you don't want your girl to smell yesterdays breakfast down there if she gets close.

Chris Daddy Cool
04-26-2005, 08:16 AM
[ QUOTE ]
Use your hand and then stinkpalm your date. Then accuse her of being the one who smells.

[/ QUOTE ]

i laughed pretty hard when i read this.

Bulldog
04-26-2005, 08:28 AM
[ QUOTE ]
Remove your boxers, use them, and go commando the rest of the night.

[/ QUOTE ]

Winner!

jakethebake
04-26-2005, 09:10 AM
[ QUOTE ]
great question. crappy poll.

[/ QUOTE ]

some threads really don't need to be polls.

TheJunkyardGod
04-26-2005, 09:53 AM
Save the numbers and the money. If you know this date is going well, then you're already not wearing underwear.

The correct answer would be to wipe your ass on the toilet seat. It may take some agility, but screw wasting money on using your hand.

Shajen
04-26-2005, 10:07 AM
Here is how this scenario would play out for me:

1) I never, EVER take a dump without making sure there is TP available. Ever.

2) If, for some stupid reason, I went ahead and dropped the deuce sans TP, I'd use my boxers.

But seriously, who doesn't check first?

OtisTheMarsupial
04-26-2005, 11:37 AM
[ QUOTE ]
Remove your boxers, use them, and go commando the rest of the night.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is the correct answer.