Dumbest thing ever heard at a poker table??

[Pocket Trips]

Not sure if this is the right forum for this but I think it is the closest one for it. So if I am wrong yell at me...

Just wondering what is the dumbest remark or question you have ever heard while playing poker???

I had a roommate that wanted me to teach him how to play after we watched a wsop marathon a few years ago. This guy knew NOTHING about poker, I had to teach him everything from hand rankings on up.

This guy was not the brightest bulb in the box but I thought he finally understood the basics when after about 2 weeks he finally understood that any 5 cards of the same suit constituted a flush and that it didn't matter what suit it was that as long as you had 5 of the same suit it was a flush.

After about 4 weeks of us playing heads-up about 2 or 3 nites a week he asked the following which is an EXACT QUOTE

"Ok so it is spades, clubs, Diamonds, and hearts... What is the <font color="red"> 5th suit </font> again? "

I just sat there in amazement trying to figure out if he was serious or not. Sadly he was dead serious.

From that moment on he has been known as "5 suits Tony"

I would love to hear it if anyone has heard anything worse than that in a poker room

[The Truth]

I'm not catching any cards.. DECK CHANGE.

or... im not catching anything so. ...wash the cards until i say stop.

[ripwalk]

I'm sure a lot of people have experienced something similar, but at a tournament style home game last summer, my buddy ended up going all in, and got called, and when it came down to the showdown he said cockily and confidently:

"No matter what, I'm not going home"

Then he laid his hand down and was like "Straight".

There was a brief pause, and then pretty much all at once we realized he only had 4 cards to a straight, and he was in fact beaten.

It was a hilarious way to go out. From then on we called 4 card straights "Brian Straights"

[toots]

God, where to start?

Nearly everything I hear said at a poker table is incredibly stupid. In fact, most of what I say at a poker table is intentionally stupid.

That's part of the game's charm.

[smoore]

"I know you were the button and all, but WHO THE HELL PLAYS K3s???!?!?!"


Thanks Ed.

[topout]

Late at night in a ten table club and on the half hour someone forgot to initiate dealer change.
15 minutes after what should have been the change, a player has his weak hand re-raised for the millionth time. Of course he has his chips in his hand to intimidate the bet, so he slams them on the table says "Everytime I try to bet someone has something" and mucks his hand. Everyone ignores him. He waves the floor over and says "Can you get rid of him he's been dealing for an hour".
Floor checks his watch, pushes the dealer, collects time and then gets up as the next dealer comes in.

Some day he'll figure it out.

topout

[pokermama]

I was playing at a 4/8 limit game in Tunica at the horseshoe and I was the only woman at the table..

I had a very nice hand... the nuts... and I raised it up.. then guy to my left called and then his friend to his left called as well...

Turn card.. I was bet into and raised, the two lumps to my left called and the original raiser folded...

River card.. I bet and the guys to my left call again.. I am like.. geesh I love this..

well as I am raking the pot to me.. and stacking my new chips up... I hear the 2nd guy tell the 1st guy..

"well the only reason I called her was because you did"

I took all their money in about 2 hours...

Pokermama

[free=good]

Playing 4/8 at Hollywood in Shreveport a few months back, I got this one:

"Man, I just don't get it. I play every hand like I'm supposed to, and I can't catch a break. You hardly ever play a hand and you're making a fortune."

I replied something like, "crazy game, isn't it."

[Guthrie]

I was playing 3/6 at the Bike and the lady sitting beside me was one of their off-duty blackjack dealers playing Hold'em for the first time. She raised the river and couldn't believe it when the dealer pushed the pot to someone with two pair. "But I had three pair!"

[onegymrat]

1. "Vegas games are easier than LA games."

2. A man once asked me what day of the week it was. Apparently, he had been there a while.

[Trainwreck]

I hear a lot of stupid chit from the TROUT, I have learned to just NOD instead of laughing my ass off which sometimes it's really really hard not to burst.

It great for spotting TROUT though, just listen, especially funny when TROUTs starting talking strategy amongst themselves that is WAY THE HELL OFF or mumbling to themselves.

&gt;TW&lt;

[Nomad84]

AFter a couple of hands at the table, a new player asks how bathroom breaks work. One guy says that he always waits for the button so he doesn't have to hurry back. A couple of other guys agree, and of course, I do too /images/graemlins/smile.gif

This guy also informs us that he waits for the button to *leave* for the night. Thanks, sir! Call me crazy, but I like to get all the free hands I can get before I leave. Of course, I'd prefer that no one else thinks of it that way, so I was happy when everyone else thought he'd made a good point.

[feelixthegreek]

After watching the player to my right call a raise heads up on the river with the absolute nuts, I took pity and explained to him that his hand was unbeatable.

"I got nervous," he said.

[sirtimo]

(After I win with trip 3's from the flop.....)

Villian- "How can you play 9-3 offsuit?"

Me- "Well, I was in the big blind, and everyone limped to me"

Villain- "Dosn't mean you have to play it"

(!!!)

[otnemem]

[ QUOTE ]
After watching the player to my right call a raise heads up on the river with the absolute nuts, I took pity and explained to him that his hand was unbeatable.

"I got nervous," he said.

[/ QUOTE ]

Was this at the Tropicana a few months ago? My friend who very rarely plays poker (more of a blackjack guy) was bet into with four of a kind and the nuts to the board and just called. I don't think he would have said he was nervous, but we gave him a whole bunch of [censored] anyway.

[keats]

Two older gentelmen are playing the two seats directly to my right and have been consitently showing down a-rag and k7 suited and hands of that caliber. then they are discussing hands and one finally says well "i gave up playing any two suited cards cause i nevr hit the flush" and which point the other guy goes "you're to good to play any 2 suited" and the original guy says "well you're the pro" ahah turns out this guy gets disability and gambles off of that and has now labeled himself as pro. so after i took about 80 off of him he gets up to leave and says something to the effect of "waste of time playing with amatuers anyways" and i say "thanks for the lessons pops"

[GuruCane]

After I questioned an acquaintance in a local tourney about why he played J8o from MLP with a raise in front: "You know, I like J8o way more than I should, but it's been really good to me so I play it." Followed by: "You know I really think the secret to NLHE is to play a lot of hands. Based on games that I have played with my friends, that has proven to be true."

Meanwhile, said shlub wins 22 person tourney after he busted me out as a slight dog.

I have also heard "does a straight beat a full house?" in home games but it's not as funny when the person admits they can't play worth a damn. The guy in the above episode insisted that he knew more about poker than I did. Maybe he did and was just playing me? Daniel N. did say "throw out those books."

[JoeC]

[ QUOTE ]
After I questioned an acquaintance in a local tourney about why he played J8o from MLP with a raise in front: "You know, I like J8o way more than I should, but it's been really good to me so I play it."

[/ QUOTE ]

Wait, what was stupid, the answer or the question?

[GuruCane]

Please enlighten me as to why the question was stupid other than I should have just kept my mouth shut. If there is another reason I would love to know.

[inishowen]

New player in, sits down and says "Just to let everybody know, I usually sit down with a little, and leave with a lot"

He was broke in half an hour

[toots]

[ QUOTE ]
New player in, sits down and says "Just to let everybody know, I usually sit down with a little, and leave with a lot"

He was broke in half an hour

[/ QUOTE ]

Clearly, he needed to tell everyone this, 'cause otherwise, they'd have no way of knowing.

[Pocket Trips]

[ QUOTE ]
Please enlighten me as to why the question was stupid other than I should have just kept my mouth shut. If there is another reason I would love to know.

[/ QUOTE ]

Don't tap the glass

[MowrMowr]

Tropicana 2/4 Friday night. Random jackass sits down wearing a shirt and tie and obviously thinks he's a high roller as he's got a wad of about 50 bills sitting on the table behind his massive $100 buyin. Immediately starts picking a fight with EVERYONE at the table, with special attention to my friend who plays back at him and checkraises as often as possible. After donating $300 or so he goes to buy back in and we needle him about his awful play. He retorts with the usual "Well, I make more money than the both of you combined, this money means nothing to me" B.S. (who wasn't expecting that?). To that, the Indian guy across the table who hadn't said a word in hours picks his head up and says "You must, you're wearing a tie!" /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[GuruCane]

That was a better response than the one from Mr. C. The snot-nosed tone of his post annoyed me, thus my response. I hope that his litany of one line posts (an m.o.) helps me to add to my poker game.

FWIW, I understand the concept at issue, but it didn't apply in this instance for reasons that I won't bore the group with.

[RicktheRuler]

after about 2 weeks he finally understood that any 5 cards of the same suit constituted a flush

Sweet Jesus! That cannot be right. I once taught a fairly intelligent 4th grader to play poker (rankings, betting, checking, raising yada yada-the basics) in about 5 minutes.

We played for pennies after that. I won. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[Pocket Trips]

[ QUOTE ]
after about 2 weeks he finally understood that any 5 cards of the same suit constituted a flush

Sweet Jesus! That cannot be right. I once taught a fairly intelligent 4th grader to play poker (rankings, betting, checking, raising yada yada-the basics) in about 5 minutes.

We played for pennies after that. I won. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

Believe me its true.... it took him forever to understand that a flush did not necessarily have to be hearts(which happened to be the suit of the 1st flush I hit while we played)... and the best part of the whole thing was that he INSISTED on playing for money /images/graemlins/grin.gif I was taking an average of $40 a week from him just playing nickel dime quarter... It got to the point that after awhile i started feeling guilty and woould lose some of it back to him because he was getting frustrated. After that he got cocky and thought he had the game all figured out. He then proceeded to go to the taj and drop $300 at a 3/6 table in a few hours...

I nearly cried the day he moved out.... It felt like my rent was going up /images/graemlins/wink.gif

[trevorwc]

Three 7's on board at a home tournament - some guy makes a bluff and this complete newb thinks and thinks and thinks forever, finally makes a crying call - "four sevens with a jack".

[scandal]

3/6 at the Mirage a few months ago. As I was collecting a pot I had just won, the person next to me says:

"Do you have some sort of system? I've noticed you don't play very many hands, but you win big pots."

Classic.

[iggy]

2/4 at Foxwoods about a month ago. This guy who obviously doesn't know what he's doing is capping the betting on every round.

The first hand I watch at the table he capped down to the river with J3 suited and ends up rivering the wheel.

Next hand he caps PF again, and follows with the flop, only to fold to the first bet into him on the turn.

Next hand he starts to cap the betting PF again.
Guy sitting next to me goes "Wow, that's actually a really good strategy. Everytime you win a pot it's a monster. You just have to have the discipline to fold at the turn."

[JoeC]

Sorry... I should have phrased it better. "Don't tap the glass" is probably the best way to put it. It just pisses me off when people casually mention comments like this that rip on fish, because I really believe more 2+2ers do this than they admit. If you say this situation was different, then sory.

[Onaflag]

The waiting list had nine players on it and they started a new game. Guy sits next to me who I see almost every weekend. I have no real opinion of his play other than he seems to be there often during peak hours.

Action comes to me, I fold. River finally comes out with KQJT on board, no flushes. Guy quietly says to me,

"Dude, you come here a lot."

He shows me his cards. He has a 9, and says,

"Does it matter how high a straight is? I think he has the Ace. Will I chop the pot?"

Swear to God he is not joking and is totally serious. I told him I was pretty sure the Ace would win, but he could ask the dealer to make sure.

He said, "Thanks, man" and called the final bet. The dealer pushes the pot to villian and he turns to me and shrugs and says, "Well, I guess we know now, huh?"

In retrospect, it makes sense now why he never declares what he has. He just lays his cards face up at the end and lets the dealer decide who wins. Must be his starting hand selection that keeps him from going broke too fast, I dunno, but he sure has a good time there.

Onaflag.............

[jaybee_70]

2 hours into poker night at my friends house, my friend gets heads up in a pot and leans over to whisper, "Are there small straights in poker?" We pretty much stuck to playing guts after that.

Joe

[tylerdurden]

[ QUOTE ]
"Do you have some sort of system? I've noticed you don't play very many hands, but you win big pots."

[/ QUOTE ]

This doesn't seem dumb at all to me - it's pretty observant. He's obviously ignorant of proper strategy, but ignorance is not indicative of dumbness - he recognizes that there must be some strategy that you're following.

[naphinfitos]

Swear to God a good friend of mine asked us this at a game at his house once. Everyone except him and one other kid at the game were real statistics and math freaks, so obviously we have all the odds down. Anyway he asks, totally serious mind you "Here's a question for you odds guys...is there a book of the most common flops?"

[OrangeCat]

[ QUOTE ]
I told him I was pretty sure the Ace would win, but he could ask the dealer to make sure.

He said, "Thanks, man" and called the final bet. The dealer pushes the pot to villian and he turns to me and shrugs and says, "Well, I guess we know now, huh?"

[/ QUOTE ]
LOL! Damn, that was funny.

[kerssens]

During a home game one of the guys declared that he had a straight. Everybody looked puzzled for a second and asked him what the hell he was talking about. He said, "I have a straight....Q, K, A, 2, 3...can't you wrap around?" Now he is known as wrap (or reach) around Jason. (among other things)

[Chipr777]

Guy at Horseshoe Tunica playing in a 2-5 NL game runs through about $1000 in the first 30 minutes the games open. He goes bust on a hand he was a huge favorate to win and pulls out a stack of $100 bills. Steaming, he says, "I'm going to bust someone.. I hope it's not me". /images/graemlins/laugh.gif

[Dazarath]

I was at a casino, and I could hear an argument going on at another table. It went something like this:

1: Ace high, so we chop.
2: No, he has AK so he wins.
1: We both have ace high, so we chop.
2: No, he has a king and you don't.

This goes on for awhile, and then I hear something to the extent of:

1: It's called ace high, nobody says ace, king, ten, seven, three high. We both had ace high so we should've chopped!

I wanted a table switch. /images/graemlins/frown.gif

[youtalkfunny]

First time I ever dealt a Royal. The room gave out trophies to players who made a Royal. Manager gives old guy his trophy. Old guy is all smiles.

30 minutes later, old guy asks for the floorman, and asks him, "When do I get my money?" He thought he had won $1,000 jackpot when he hit his Royal. We asked why he would think such a thing. "Because that's what the video poker machines pay!"

We had to listen to that guy whine ALL WEEKEND, about how we ripped him of the $1,000 he had coming to him, and all he got was a lousy trophy. Every time a new player sat down, this guy couldn't wait to give his speech again.

[Big Business]

My buddies were playing on a 2-4 table in Tunica and a guy showed down a 10-3o and of course did not win. He said that he played the hand because "That's that famous players...Dale Brunson's favorite hand".

Of course they made fun of him the rest of the trip and we kept talking about Dale Brunson and his 10-3. Those players are great, gotta love em'.

[feelixthegreek]

No, Harrah's New Orleans. It must be a universal affliction.

[Mackie]

Kid was very suspicious when I told him my pair aces beat his queen high. "But you said an ace can be high or low". "Yes" I said, "high or low". "Not high AND low". I chopped the pot with him.

[terrapin314]

Oh, where to begin....

Here is one that just floored me:

I am playing 5/10 at a riverboat. Large girl sits down and is UTG. She immediately raises, get reraised, blind folds, and she reraises. After the flop, she instantly folds and says, "missed me". The table checks around in disbelief.

[Yarney]

This happened to me once at a 1/2 NL table. I had KQ and flopped top two. I bet it and one or two people stayde around. Anyway, at the river the board was something like KQ942 or something like that. I made a pretty sizeable bet since I figured to be good, but the other guy was just acting like he had a strong hand. When he called I figured I had just paid off a set, but he tabled A3 for the long wrap around straight. He even said out loud "huh, I thought you could play it around." He didn't last much longer.

-Yarney

[juanez]

old guy asks for the floorman, and asks him, "When do I get my money?" He thought he had won $1,000 jackpot when he hit his Royal. We asked why he would think such a thing. "Because that's what the video poker machines pay!"

Now THAT is funny sheet! /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[juanez]

"Pocket Aces never win."

"I always lose with pocket Aces."

"Pocket Aces are the worst hand."

I hear at leat one of these almost every single night and just laught to myself every time.

A guy tonight said one of these rediculous statements after getting his Aces cracked. Another more realistic player said something like, "Must be the way you play them. If I got pocket Aces every hand I'd be a millionaire." /images/graemlins/wink.gif

[brokedickrooster]

Just last night after he called a big raise PF - "I'll play 9-10 every time, I win with it 90% of the time". $400 later, he was gone.

[MortalWombat]

[ QUOTE ]
Just last night after he called a big raise PF - "I'll play 9-10 every time, I win with it 90% of the time". $400 later, he was gone.

[/ QUOTE ]
As he was leaving, you should have said "I guess this was one of those 10% days."

[sourbeaver]

"Do you guys shave your balls ?"

I swear, we all had a few beers, but this dude was seriously into it.

[TheManimal]

Two great quotes from my last vegas trip from the drunkest guy at the table,

"I can't see straight. Can you tell I can't see straight?"

and from the same guy when asked "Why did you call? (with an obvious losing hand)", his answer, "Because I am an alcoholic."

/images/graemlins/smile.gif

[terrapin314]

After a guy said something about me slowplaying my lock hand, I said jokingly, "I always milk the nuts".

That got some laughs around the table...

[jzpiano14]

My brother after losing a hand in which he had nothing said that he was drawing to a heart flush the board was /images/graemlins/heart.gif /images/graemlins/club.gif /images/graemlins/diamond.gif /images/graemlins/spade.gif /images/graemlins/spade.gif.....anytime the board is four suited and he is in the hand we joke with him about him drawing to his flush /images/graemlins/tongue.gif