Favorite Simpsons Quote

[Terrabon98]

While watching the 10 billionth episode of the simpsons the other night, started thinking about my favorite quotes. So let's hear em...

Mine is when Homer is running for garbage sanitation commissioner and he is giving a speech, "Every week, people have to drag their garbage out to the curb! That's not America...that's not even Mexico."

[Beerfund]

Homer-

"Marge send the kids to neighbors, I'm going to Moe's and I'm coming back loaded."

Homer-

"I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals FLAMING!"

[jesusarenque]

If he's so smart, how come he's dead?

[Soul Daddy]

"We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell them stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I took the fairy to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe so I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on them. Give me five bees for a quarter you'd say. Now where were we, oh ya. The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because if the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones."

[Blarg]

I have a feeling all the Ralphisms will be pretty high on the list, like, "It tastes like burning." or "Oh boy, sleep! That's where I'm a Viking!"

Nelson also had one I always liked, that he came out with right after Homer said "God bless you, Nelson Muntz" after Nelson punched Milhaus in the back of the car: "Aw, I'm no hero. I just like punching kids in the head."

Seymour Skinner's mom just came out with a good one: "Seymour, your feelings are ugly and wrong!"

There have got to be thousands of these.

[touchfaith]

Lionel Hutz: "Uh oh, we drew Judge Schneider."

Marge:" Is that bad?"

Lionel Hutz: "Well, he's had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog."

Marge: "Really?!"

Lionel Hutz: "Well, replace the word kinda with the word repeatedly and the word dog with son."


or


Homer: Here are your messages, you have 30 minutes to move your car, you have 10 minutes, your car has been impounded, your car has been crushed into a cube, you have 30 minutes to move your cube.

(Phone Rings)

Homer: Hello, Mr. Burns' office

Mr. Burns: Is it about my cube?

[pmuir10]

Homer walks up to a gym with a huge sign reading "GYM"

He says "Ahhh a gyme? whats a gyme?"

And then he walks inside, and sees all the weight machines and goes "Ohhhhhhhh, a gyme!"

I think youd have to have seen this episode to understand how funny this is but the way Homer pronounces gym is hilarious.

[fingokra]

How are we going to get out of this hole? Dig. No stupid dig UP!

[JGalt]

I fall asleep watching the simpsons and I must have watched this episode hundreds of times and never cuaght it. Seymour and Edna get together and Bart is about to tell everyone what he saw.

Seymour "good gravy"

Cafeteria dude "thank you , it is just brown and water."

and a new episode which had me in tears.

Moe as a coco clock. "Cuckold, cockold, cockold."

Homer "What's a cuckold?"

[Blarg]

Okay as long as we're quoting conversations, here's one I love from an episode just rerun yesterday. Homer invites Sideshow Bob, who's always trying to kill Bart, to come stay at the Simpson home while helping track down who's threatening Homer's life.

Bart: I can't believe you're willing to endanger my life just to save yours.

Homer(patting him on the head reassuringly): You'll understand when you have kids of your own some day.

[rusellmj]

MY REETIREMINT GREEEASE!!!!

[Turning Stone Pro]

When Lionel Hutz is representing Homer after he sues the seafod restaurant for throwing him out of the all-you-can-eat seafood buffet:

I ask you, ladies and gentlemen, does this look like a man who's had 'all he could eat?'

TSP

[Mitochondria]

"We have notes. Have you thought about Dave Chapelle? DESTROY!"

[slickpoppa]

I so hard to pick just one quote, but the first one that came to my mind was:

Homer: To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

[Peter]

Homer: Marge, we need to talk. You're spending too much time at the casino and I think you may have a problem.
Marge: I won sixty dollars last night.
Homer: Woohoo! Problem solved!

[Blarg]

[ QUOTE ]
I so hard to pick just one quote, but the first one that came to my mind was:

Homer: To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, that one 's a classic. The staff were raving about how much they loved that one too, on one of the DVD commentaries.

[anisotropy]

Homer: "Sir, I need to know where I can get some business hammocks"

[yaomama]

[ArchAngel71857]

Why are we forced to start this thread every 6 weeks?

-AA

[Luv2DriveTT]

[ QUOTE ]
While watching the 10 billionth episode of the simpsons the other night, started thinking about my favorite quotes. So let's hear em...

Mine is when Homer is running for garbage sanitation commissioner and he is giving a speech, "Every week, people have to drag their garbage out to the curb! That's not America...that's not even Mexico."

[/ QUOTE ]

This thread is useless without Maaaaaaaaxxxxx Powwwwwwwweeeerrrr!

TT /images/graemlins/club.gif

[Thythe]

"you're out there beer baron, and I'll find you"
"no you won't"
"yes, I will"
"nope"

[i wanna be me]

although homer's quote are awesome - the most underrated one is moe. when they're watching the video of the oldest man in Springfield helping people out the window after the stock market crash:

Moe: Off a tall building.....that's a great way to do it!

I dunno - it was so pathetic that it was funny.

[Alobar]

"HAH HAH"

[KingMarc]

http://www.angelfire.com/comics/pearly/homer/homer-quotes.html

[Daliman]

[ QUOTE ]
While watching the 10 billionth episode of the simpsons the other night, started thinking about my favorite quotes. So let's hear em...

Mine is when Homer is running for garbage sanitation commissioner and he is giving a speech, "Every week, people have to drag their garbage out to the curb! That's not America...that's not even Mexico."

[/ QUOTE ]

You forgot "Did we lose a WAR or something?"

[mostsmooth]

"nelsons kissing a girl! thats gay!!!"

[AquaSeaFoam]

after grandapa Simpson catches fire in a mishap....

"I'm still cold"

[mmcd]

Homer: [thinks] Don't tell him you were at a bar! Gasp! But what else is open at night? [aloud] It's a pornography store. I was buying pornography. [thinks] Heh heh heh. I would'a never thought of that.

[bennyk]

[ QUOTE ]
Homer: To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

[/ QUOTE ]

this is clearly the best.

bk

[Richard Tanner]

In addition,
Homer: Kids we must stop the moster that has enslaved your mother, I call him "Gamblor".

Cody

[Pokeraddict]

From one of the Treehouse of Horrors after Marge goes downstars to see Homer has written No TV and no beer makes Homer go crazy all over the walls.
Homer:"No TV and no beer make Homer, something, something"
Marge:"Go crazy?"
Homer:"Dont mind if I do" - Homer goes crazy

[Blarg]

Homer -- "All right, brain. You don't like me and I don't like you, but let's just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer."

[bholdr]

From the lord of the flies spoof:

after the model UN confrense breaks down into fights:

ralph: "oh canadaaaaaa"

and later, when otto and his bus are irrevocably drifting out to sea:

otto: "ZEPPLIN RULES!"

from the 'run lola run' spoof:

legs: "youse wants i should whack this guy?"

linguo: "gerorrrrg!"

Homer: "linguo, dead?"

linguo (the grammar robot) "lingoo IS dead..." *explodes*

I have about ten thousand more, but i'll let it go...

[-Skeme-]

Lionel Hutz: This is the greatest case of false advertising I've seen since I sued the movie The Never Ending Story.

[i wanna be me]

[ QUOTE ]
Homer: [thinks] Don't tell him you were at a bar! Gasp! But what else is open at night? [aloud] It's a pornography store. I was buying pornography. [thinks] Heh heh heh. I would'a never thought of that.

[/ QUOTE ]

this is good - another one is when homer uses flanders' car to go rescue the kids from the school during the snowstorm, and they hit something:

Flanders: What was that?
Homer: I hope it was Flanders....hehehe....

[KingJackOff]

I havent read every reply, so I apologize if I'm repeating these:

1. Homer: "Don't you hate pants?"

2. As Homer is dressed in black, and about to leave the house, Marge asks him what he is up to. He replies, "Marge, I'm not going to lie to you". He then turns and walks away.

3. In the Beer Baron episode, when the tubs in the basement are exploding, Homer says to marge while they are in bed, "It must have that bean I had for lunch". He then goes to the basement, you hear a big explosion, then you hear Homer screaming, then Marge runs to the bedroom window to see Homer rolling around in the grass while on fire. Once the flames are out, he stands and says, "Marge, I've been doing alot of thinking, and you were right".

And maybe my favorite, from the pee wee football episode:

"You're cut, you're cut, and you're cut."

[Utah]

Marge, "You're basing our retirement on grease"

Homer {very sarcastically} "No Marge. I'm basing our retirement on savings and wise investments. Of course, grease!"

[Bigdaddydvo]

In the Cape Fear Episode when Homer is interviewing for the Witness Protection Program:

Agent: "All right Homer, we'll give you a new name. From now on your name will be Homer Thompson. Got it, let's practice. Hello Mr Thompson"

(No response from Homer)

"OK, let's try again, remember, your Homer Thompson"

"Got it"

"Hello Mr. Thompson"

No response from Homer.

(Three Hours Later)

"OK, when I say 'Hello Mr Thomspson' and step on your foot, you nod your head."

Homer: "Check"

HELLO MR THOMPSON!!!!

Homer turns to another agent and whispers "I think he's talking to you..."

[The Dude]

"Marge! We need more neopolitan ice cream!"

[-Skeme-]

"..I'm going to... 'stalk'... Lenny and Karl.."

[kerssens]

I like the Flying Hellfish episode when Mr Burns crashes through the wall to get the key. When he's leaving he accidentally crashes into Lisa's room.

Burns: "go back to sleep little girl"
Lisa: "Santa?"

[cold_cash]

I'm not sure how this went exactly, but it was something like this:

After Homer picks all the flowers out of Flanders' flower bed.

Flanders: Homer, I can understand you picking all my flowers, but did you have to salt the earth so nothing would ever grow here again?

Homer: Hehe....yeah.

[DcifrThs]

Homer to marge: "going to moes, see flanders, later sex."

Operator to homer after his hand is too fat to hit the keys on the phone to dial the nuclear plant : "deee deee deee: the fingers you are using are to fat. to order a dialing wand, please mash the keypad now."

Homer to lisa about not eating meat: "so you mean youre never going to eat bacon again?"
Lisa : "no"
Homer: "how about pork, or sausage?"
Lisa: "dad, those all come from the same animal."
Homer: "riiiiiight lisa, a maaaaaaaagical animal."

theres a billion m ore but those i remember right off the top.

-Barron

[CallMeIshmael]

Marge: I try to be supportive, but this has gone too far! Please, just
let it be?

Homer: No, I can't. This is my cause. I'm like the man who
singlehandedly built the rocket and went to the moon. What was
his name? Apollo Creed?

[Gamblor]

[ QUOTE ]
In addition,
Homer: Kids we must stop the moster that has enslaved your mother, I call him "Gamblor".

Cody

[/ QUOTE ]

bingo.

[Stuey]

Crusty shows Bart a list of words the FCC won't let him say on tv.

Bart: I never even heard of #9.

Crusty: It's doing 13 while she is 11ing your 5.

[mason55]

Chalmers: Seymour!
Skinner: Superintendent; I was just, uh, just stretching my calves on
the windowsill. Isometric exercise. Care to join me?
Chalmers: Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Seymour?
Skinner: Uh, oh, that isn't smoke, it's steam. Steam from the steamed
clams we're having. [rubs stomach] Mmm -- steamed clams.

Either Chalmers is satisfied with this explanation, or decides not
to pursue the matter further. In any case, he goes back to the
dining room. Skinner jumps out the window and runs over to the
Krusty Burger after Chalmers leaves.

A few minutes later, Skinner makes an entrance the dining room
carrying a big platter of Krusty Burgers.

Skinner: Superintendent, I hope you're ready for mouth-watering hamburgers.
Chalmers: I thought we were having steamed clams.
Skinner: Oh, no, I said, "steamed hams." That's what I call hamburgers.
Chalmers: You call hamburgers steamed hams.
Skinner: Yes, it's a regional dialect.
Chalmers: Uh-huh. What region?
Skinner: Uh, upstate New York.
Chalmers: Really. Well, I'm from Utica and I never heard anyone use the phrase, "steamed hams."
Skinner: Oh, not in Utica, no; it's an Albany expression.
Chalmers: I see.
Chalmers suspends his disbelief long enough to enjoy some of
Skinner's steamed hams.
Chalmers: You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones the have at Krusty Burger.
Skinner: [laughs] Oh, no, patented Skinner Burgers. Old family recipe.
Chalmers: For steamed hams.
Skinner: Yes.
Chalmers: Yes, and you call them steamed hams despite the fact that they are obviously grilled. [shows Skinner the grill marks]
Skinner: Uh ... you know ... one thing I sh-- ... 'scuse me for one second.
Chalmers: Of course.
Skinner retires to the kitchen for a second. When he walks back into the dining room, we can see that the entire kitchen is in flames.
Skinner: [faking a yawn] Well, that was wonderful. Good time was had by all. I'm pooped.
Chalmers: Yes, I guess I should be -- Good Lord, what is happening in there?
Skinner: Aurora Borealis?
Chalmers: Aurora Borealis? At this time of year? A this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?
Skinner: Yes.
Chalmers: May I see it?
Skinner: Oh, erm... No.
Agnes: Seymour! The house is on fire!
Skinner: No, mother. It's just the Northern Lights.
Chalmers: Well, Seymour, you are an odd fellow, but I must say you steam a good ham.
Agnes: Help! Help!

[Tyler Durden]

I like when Superintendent Chalmers shows up and Ralph calls him SuperNintendo Chalmers.

Also when Homer is talking about the movie Speed and he says something like "there was this bus that was going so fast and it had a bomb and if it didn't maintain its speed the bomb would explode! i think it was called "the bus that couldn't slow down"

[MrOnizuka]

Best Ralph line- "Hi Lisa. Hi Super-Nintendo Chalmers"

Best Homer line(s) "Must kill Moe...WEEEEEEEEEEEE...Must kill Moe...WEEEEEEEEE"

Or from the best episode ever, the monorail one"
Marge: Theres a man here to help you, Homer
Homer: Is it Batman?
Marge: No!, He's a scientist.
Homer: Batman's a scientist.

[gaming_mouse]

Principal Skinner: Mr. Burns, what is the secret to your success?
Mr. Burns: Family, religion, friends... these are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.

Agent 1: We're from the Nuclear Regulatory Commission. This is a surprise test of worker competence.
Burns: There must be some mistake. We, er, we make cookies here: Mr.Burns' Olde-Fashioned Good-Time Extra-Chewy --

[Dantes]

The correct answer is

"Oh, look at me. I'm making people happy. I'm the magical man from Happy Land, in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane."

[gaming_mouse]

this is hilarious. what season is this from?

[Blarg]

That was definitely a great one.

I loved the steamed hams episode with Chalmers, too.

[Eihli]

when sideshowbob is trying to kill bart and they go under witness protection and homer has the shirt and hat and coffee mug that all say "witness protection" on them. anyway, barts in bed with the lights out about to go to sleep and homer bursts in with a chainsaw running and a jason mask on screaming "HEY BART WANNA LOOK AT MY NEW CHAINSAW!!!!???!!"
bart screams
homer says..."hehe, oh, yeah... sideshowbob, sorry."

[youtalkfunny]

[ QUOTE ]
Chalmers: Yes, and you call them steamed hams despite the fact that they are obviously grilled. [shows Skinner the grill marks]

[/ QUOTE ]

Ever have a "chicken barbeque" in New England?

If not, go up and order one. Are YOU in for a surprise!

[2planka]

No time now to get through all the posts, but my favorite Ralphisms:

"It tastes like burning"

and

"My cat's breath smells like cat food."

[Shajen]

[ QUOTE ]
No time now to get through all the posts, but my favorite Ralphisms:

"It tastes like burning"

and

"My cat's breath smells like cat food."

[/ QUOTE ]

My Ralph favorite:

"Why do people always run away from me?"

pees his pants

"Oh yeah"

[trotski]

When Bart and Ralph go into the old penitentiary, and find the old electric chair:

Ralph: It smells like hot dogs.

[kerssens]

When Homer tries to remember what the ski instructor told him and all he can think about is Flanders in his tight ski suit. Feels like I'm wearing nothin at all, nothin at all, nothin at all...."Stupid sexy Flanders!"

[kerssens]

When Moe asks Homer to steal his car to get the insurance money...

Homer: I don't know, what would Marge say?"
Marge (in Homer's thought bubble): "Homer, I insist you steal Moe's car!"

[mostsmooth]

me fail english?, thats unpossible

[scott8]

Homer tells Marge that the family needs to start eating better.
Marge "You're the one who puts butter in the coffee"

[beerbandit]

Homer: Oh, who am I kidding? I _am_ slow.
Marge: Oh, Homey, if you feel so bad about yourself, there's always
things you can do to feel better.
Homer: Take another bath in malt liquor?
Marge: There's that...or you could take an adult education course.

Homer: Oh, and how is "education" supposed to make me feel smarter?
Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old
stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine-
making course and I forgot how to drive?

Marge: That's because you were drunk!
Homer: And how.




cheers

[Pocket Trips]

From the one where homer is sent to AA "My name is OTTOOOO and I like to get BLOTTOOOO"

When homer leads the plant workers on strike and Mr. Burns sends goons to intimidate him


(knocking on door)
Homer: who's there?
from the other side of the door "goons, Hired goons"

When Mr burns sold the nuclear plant to the germans and they ask if anyone has a drinking problem so they can send them to rehab

"does anyone here have a drinking problem?"
varios people in the crowd say " I do, I do Me too,"

and one guy says "hell, I'm drunk right now"

[CostaRicaBill]

When Homer plugs a nuclear reactor.

Bart: "Wow, this is the first time that your butt actually PREVENTED the release of toxic gas."

[Blarg]

Ralph: I picked my nose so hard one time it bleeded.
Private Eye: Somebody really worked this guy over.

Homer, reading Private Eye's report on Lisa: Pet Peeves: Phonies? I thought she loved them!

[anisotropy]

The best Ralph quotes are from the one where he wins the diorama contest:

Ralph: I bent my wookie!

[kerssens]

Ralph with bandages over both eyes, speaking in front of the class.

"Then the doctor told me both my eyes were lazy. That's why it was the greatest summer ever!"

[youtalkfunny]

RALPH: And when the doctor told me I no longer had worms, it was the happiest day of my life!

RALPH: The doctor says my nose wouldn't bleed so much if I just kept my fingers out of there.

[Blarg]

Homer, on launching a backyard rocket with Bart and Milhaus:

Son, we are about to leave the surly bonds of gravity and punch the face of God!

[IlliniRyRy]

Bart and Lisa are on a field trip and they get separated from the rest of the class and end up in the forest, and these hillbillies find them:

Hillbillly 1: You got lost? That's how my grandpappy wound up in these parts.

Grandpappy: They was takin us to Capital City to see the nutcracker. And I wandered away from the group, and married a bear, and I started up my family.

His wife (looks like a bear): I told you I ain't a bear!

Grandpappy: (laughs) Raar raar raar, no understands you, she-bear!

[kerssens]

when Homer is searching for Lisa downtown because she took the bus to the Egyptian exhibit at the museum. he is in the middle of the street and there is a lot of traffic, a car pulls up next to him.

Mr Burns: shouldn't you be at work!
Homer: eeeehhh, yes sir.
Mr. Burns: well, get back to whereever that is, whoever you are.

[DMBFan23]

the episode when Homer floods springfield for his art, and millhouse realizes his pants didnt get wet cause they're highwaters...

"AHAHA, they're working perfectly! my feet are wet but my cuffs are dry! EVERYTHING'S COMING UP MILLHOUSE!"

[tmoore44]

Tom Kite is giving Homer some golf tips at the country club about opening the face of his sand wedge and, homer drools at the thought of an "open faced club sandwedge"

McBain as Radioactive man after the vats of sulfuric acid are dumped on him, "My eyes! The goggles do nothing"

[whiskeytown]

In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women

[kerssens]

What are you doing in my corpse hatch? Did I say corpse hatch? I meant innocence tube.

[Blarg]

[ QUOTE ]
the episode when Homer floods springfield for his art, and millhouse realizes his pants didnt get wet cause they're highwaters...

"AHAHA, they're working perfectly! my feet are wet but my cuffs are dry! EVERYTHING'S COMING UP MILLHOUSE!"

[/ QUOTE ]

Milhaus, my friend. It's from Richard Milhaus Nixon. His last name, Van Houten, is from Leslie Van Houten, a member of the Manson Family.

[poincaraux]

Laywer: Well, what about that tatoo on your chest? Doesn't it say "DIE, Bart, DIE?"
Sideshow Bob: No, that's German for "The Bart, the."
Parole Judge: No one who speaks German can be an evil man! Parole granted!

[TightIsRight]

This one works in the poker room.

CHIEF WIGGUM
Well let me ask you this: shut up.

[marsvolta619]

I love Lionel Hutz.

Marge is on the stand, and the lawyer asks Marge her opinion on Dr. Riviera.

Marge: I'm sorry, but my mother said, if you can't say anything nice about someone, you shouldn't say anything at all.
Homer: [whispering] Will that hold up in court?
Lionel Hutz: No, I've tried it.

Lionel Hutz: Mrs. Simpson, you're in luck. Your sexual harassment suit is exactly what I need to help rebuild my shattered practice. Care to join me in a belt of scotch?
Marge: It's 9:30 in the morning.
Lionel Hutz: Yeah, but I haven't slept in days

[daryn]

just what IS your obsession with my forbidden closet of mystery?

[Terrabon98]

In the one where Homer becomes Pie Man, he wins the silver ticket and...

"They want me to judge a prize pig competition? But I'm no supergenius...or ARE I?

[ZeeJustin]

Simpson's Quotes (http://www.westegg.com/simpsons/)

[Blarg]

Another huge favorite:

Homer Simpson's mother, the hippie, gets found by Homer and is eating dinner at the family table, along with Grandpa, her long-estranged hubby.

Grandma says something like, What am I gonna do?

Homer: You could always live with Dad.

Everyone laughs uproariously, even Grandpa, whose laughter finally reluctantly calms down and merges into an, "aaaaaaah, I'm a living joke."

Another fun bit of that show:

Two FBI agents looking for Grandma come into the Simpson home and ask Grandpa where she is. After doing some babbling and singing or whatever, they ask him, "Are you going to help us, or are you just senile?"

Grandpa, cheerily: A little from column A, a little from column B.