This is a Riot: College Professor Spazzout

[Jeffage]

Berkeley laptop thief is scared out of his wits by professor (Click link to view...this is a professor going on a crazy rant)

The last few minutes of this video from a biology class at Berkeley is of professor explaining the terrifying consequences that will soon befall the student that stole his laptop. Hell, I'm 500 miles away from Berkeley and I'm scared after watching this. (Forward to 48:50. It's a RealPlayer file, unfortunately, so be prepared for it to stop playing at least three times while you're watching it).

http://www.boingboing.net/2005/04/20/berkeley_laptop_thie.html

Enjoy,
Jeff

[spamuell]

Wow that really was scary. Poor kid.

["spaceman"Bryce]

DOH i knew i shouldve removed windows....

[Jack of Arcades]

I don't really think the professor spazzed here.

[fluxrad]

Methinks he did something worse.

A. He disclosed information that was on his disk. If the thief had no knowledge of the value of the data on that laptop, he does now.

B. If nothing else, he gave the thief good reason to destroy the laptop.

Personally, I believe the prof. did more harm than good here...but it's still amusing.

[Patrick del Poker Grande]

He did a good job of trumping it all up. I suspect he's in nearly as much trouble as the kid is if all this data (and any copies of it) isn't returned. It's always fun to watch a professor with an inflated ego and a flair for drama when he finds himself in a pinch.

[slickpoppa]

the prof didn't spaz out. he probably did cause someone to urinate in his pants though

[Patrick del Poker Grande]

[ QUOTE ]
Methinks he did something worse.

A. He disclosed information that was on his disk. If the thief had no knowledge of the value of the data on that laptop, he does now.

B. If nothing else, he gave the thief good reason to destroy the laptop.

Personally, I believe the prof. did more harm than good here...but it's still amusing.

[/ QUOTE ]
Agreed. These are things I meant to say as well, but forgot.

[blindu]

very amusing.

[spamuell]

[ QUOTE ]
He did a good job of trumping it all up. I suspect he's in nearly as much trouble as the kid is if all this data (and any copies of it) isn't returned.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, thinking over it again, the whole thing seems very suspicious and is almost certainly at least somewhat exaggerated in the hope of getting his laptop back. Still, if I was the kid, I wouldn't risk it.

[Jack of Arcades]

By the way, whose bright idea was it to steal a laptop for the test? Like, do you really think the prof will give the test that's on his laptop now?

[slickpoppa]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Methinks he did something worse.

A. He disclosed information that was on his disk. If the thief had no knowledge of the value of the data on that laptop, he does now.

B. If nothing else, he gave the thief good reason to destroy the laptop.

Personally, I believe the prof. did more harm than good here...but it's still amusing.

[/ QUOTE ]
Agreed. These are things I meant to say as well, but forgot.

[/ QUOTE ]

he probably wants the laptop to be destroyed. he definitely has the data backed up somewhere, but he just wants to make sure that the data does not get copied. at this point, the thief would be an idiot if he didnt throw the laptop off of the bay bridge

[Alobar]

Wow, knowing all that, there is no way id turn it in now. If any of the places I had been, had security cameras they already would have arrested me, so his little speech just proves they dont know who I am, and unless I do something stupid, arent going to find me. The best thing is prolly just to wipe that bad boy down and deposit it in a very remote dumpster somewhere.

However, his little speech now makes me wonder what all is on the comp, so Im ganging the HD, discarding the comp somewhere where it will never be found. And then loading the HD on a secure computer that isnt connected to the net and seeing what treasure I found.

For a proff who is obviously a really smart guy, hes pretty dumb.

I think his whole speech is BS anyway, and none of that stuff is ont he comp, hes just trying to scare the guy into turning it in, which sounds good on paper, but when yout hink about it logically you see how little sense it makes.

I hope this prof doesnt play poker, cuz he wouldnt be any good at it.

[blindu]

[ QUOTE ]

the thief would be an idiot if he didnt throw the laptop off of the bay bridge

[/ QUOTE ]

true. however, why not just sneak the labtop onto the professors desk without being seen. that accomplishes A. not getting caught. B. not getting your ass handed to you by the feds.

although he'd be a pussy if he did that...for not finding the treasure and selling it to rival companies and stuff like that.

[shant]

I think the professor is bluffing and is trying to scare the laptop back onto his desk.

[Patrick del Poker Grande]

[ QUOTE ]
Wow, knowing all that, there is no way id turn it in now. If any of the places I had been, had security cameras they already would have arrested me, so his little speech just proves they dont know who I am, and unless I do something stupid, arent going to find me. The best thing is prolly just to wipe that bad boy down and deposit it in a very remote dumpster somewhere.

However, his little speech now makes me wonder what all is on the comp, so Im ganging the HD, discarding the comp somewhere where it will never be found. And then loading the HD on a secure computer that isnt connected to the net and seeing what treasure I found.

For a proff who is obviously a really smart guy, hes pretty dumb.

I think his whole speech is BS anyway, and none of that stuff is ont he comp, hes just trying to scare the guy into turning it in, which sounds good on paper, but when yout hink about it logically you see how little sense it makes.

I hope this prof doesnt play poker, cuz he wouldnt be any good at it.

[/ QUOTE ]
Exactly.

[scotty34]

[ QUOTE ]
I think the professor is bluffing and is trying to scare the laptop back onto his desk.

[/ QUOTE ]

It could either be this, or the prof is actually showing a bit of compassion. Personally if I had a student that stole my laptop, and all of this data was actually on it, I think I would do the same. I would be very stern with him, and give out the appropriate academic punishments, but he did not know all of that data was on the disk. I would not want my student facing serious prison time because he tried to cheat on a test. I would probably have him expelled from the university, and possibly have him charged for theft, but that's it.

[Yobz]

I call BS...just watched the video. Transponder on a laptop? If its that valuable he should lock it up

[Alobar]

[ QUOTE ]
I call BS...just watched the video. Transponder on a laptop? If its that valuable he should lock it up

[/ QUOTE ]

or password protect it, heh

[gumpzilla]

It would not surprise me if the reason for the deadline was to pressure the person into acting quickly without thinking, which is almost certainly the best way for this gambit to work.

[Heffinator]

I bet the professor could figure out the culprit by checking for a wet spot in everyones pants as they walked out of class.

[nothumb]

Meh.

NT

[bernie]

This sounds like those parts in movies where the authority figure tries to use a scare tactic.

The one that readily comes to mind is the scene in Grease where the guys hang a B A to the tv cameras at a dance. So the school's 'announcement' women say how they have the FBI working on identifying them.

b

[bennyk]

creepy if you're the guy who stole it, but overall, it's BS.

if i had stolen it, i'd crap myself but there's no way in hell i'm putting it back on his desk. there is no realistic threat here.

bk

[Richard Tanner]

Passwords don't do anything for windows machines. Two words: Safe Mode.

Cody

[Sponger15SB]

People in redmond washington were very interested to know? uh yeah sure they were buddy.

1) If you have two versions of windows running they'd have to be different windows right?
2) What like he has never had both computers running at the same time?


Not to mention all of this sounds like a complete load of crap, this just stuck out the quickest.

[PoBoy321]

[ QUOTE ]
People in redmond washington were very interested to know? uh yeah sure they were buddy.

1) If you have two versions of windows running they'd have to be different windows right?
2) What like he has never had both computers running at the same time?


Not to mention all of this sounds like a complete load of crap, this just stuck out the quickest.

[/ QUOTE ]

At one point, didn't the professor say that the student was smart enough not to go online? If that were the case, how would Microsoft know that the same version of Windows was running on two different computers?

[Sponger15SB]

[ QUOTE ]
At one point, didn't the professor say that the student was smart enough not to go online? If that were the case, how would Microsoft know that the same version of Windows was running on two different computers?

[/ QUOTE ]

Cause of the transponder! Damn you really need to pay attention.

[Alobar]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
People in redmond washington were very interested to know? uh yeah sure they were buddy.

1) If you have two versions of windows running they'd have to be different windows right?
2) What like he has never had both computers running at the same time?


Not to mention all of this sounds like a complete load of crap, this just stuck out the quickest.

[/ QUOTE ]

At one point, didn't the professor say that the student was smart enough not to go online? If that were the case, how would Microsoft know that the same version of Windows was running on two different computers?

[/ QUOTE ]

yeah no kidding. Man I would have loved to have been in that class.....my hand would be straight up in the air, and ida been asking him some of this [censored], heh.

[The Goober]

[ QUOTE ]
I call BS...just watched the video. Transponder on a laptop? If its that valuable he should lock it up

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree - its total BS. He seems to be implying that he brought his laptop to class with all that [censored] on it, which he would never do if its so valuable. The FBI and federal marshalls are after this kid and tracking him with a transponder, they're definately gonna catch him, but instead they decide to just ask him to bring it back?

[NLSoldier]

Haha thats awesome. I'd love to hear what the kid ended up doing with the thing.

[housenuts]

i'd like to hear the aftermath of all these.

i have a few questions:

1) how exactly did he get it? was it a snatch 'n run job? did he manage to grab it when no one was looking?

2) who took that video? was it some student who videotapes all classes?

pretty funny that it's out on the internet now. i think the prof is bluffing. and if i was the kid no way in hell i'd return it. i think the best chance he had of it being returned was through a compassionate speak asking for it back and there would be no penalty. "just leave it in the library or something, and leave a note of it's whereabouts"

[housenuts]

this cnn article doesn't seem to trump up the information as much

http://edition.cnn.com/2005/TECH/03/29/stolen.laptop/

[shant]

[ QUOTE ]
i'd like to hear the aftermath of all these.

i have a few questions:

1) how exactly did he get it? was it a snatch 'n run job? did he manage to grab it when no one was looking?

2) who took that video? was it some student who videotapes all classes?

pretty funny that it's out on the internet now. i think the prof is bluffing. and if i was the kid no way in hell i'd return it. i think the best chance he had of it being returned was through a compassionate speak asking for it back and there would be no penalty. "just leave it in the library or something, and leave a note of it's whereabouts"

[/ QUOTE ]
Someone claiming to be the T.A. for his class posted details on Fark.com. Apparently, it was after the class ended and people were leaving and new class was coming in. The teacher turned around to clean up the board, and the laptop was snatched.

The class is recorded for webcast, but the camera only got the back of the thief's head. Eyewtinesses said the theif was asian, but so if 40% of the class.

[housenuts]

so this was a different laptop thievery?

http://idalert.berkeley.edu/chancellorletter.html

[shant]

[ QUOTE ]
so this was a different laptop thievery?

http://idalert.berkeley.edu/chancellorletter.html

[/ QUOTE ]
Yes, seperate incident.

[waffle]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
People in redmond washington were very interested to know? uh yeah sure they were buddy.

1) If you have two versions of windows running they'd have to be different windows right?
2) What like he has never had both computers running at the same time?


Not to mention all of this sounds like a complete load of crap, this just stuck out the quickest.

[/ QUOTE ]

At one point, didn't the professor say that the student was smart enough not to go online? If that were the case, how would Microsoft know that the same version of Windows was running on two different computers?

[/ QUOTE ]

Professor mentioned that the student was smart enough not to plug into the CAMPUS network, but that doesn't mean he didn't go online.

Windows XP has activation codes, it's quite possible for microsoft to notice two seperate installations of Windows using the same activation code.

[TStoneMBD]

the professor is obviously semibluffing this whole thing. nobody with that much invaluable information wouldnt have that information backed up, as well as encrypted in some way in case the laptop becamse lost, stolen, or to prevent anyone from easily hacking the computer.

as a previous poster mentioned, he wants the laptop to be destroyed.

that or hes just megabluffing to get the kid to turn himself in, which would be insanely savvy.

[Lawrence Ng]

If this were a highschool, I think the professor could get away with such bluffs and scare the student to return it.

But these are Berkeley kids in what sounds like a 3rd or 4th year Biology class.

I personally think that if he used the "begging" approach instead of the
"if-you-give-it-back-I'm-gonna-make-sure-you-do-time" approach that perhaps the student may retun it. He basically [censored] his chance of ever getting his laptop back at all.

By the way, is it me or does the professor sound like Bill Gates?

Lawrence

[stigmata]

[ QUOTE ]
nobody with that much invaluable information wouldnt have that information backed up, as well as encrypted

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't know about US data-protection law, although I imagine it is similar to here in the UK. If so, it sounds like the Professor was breaking far more laws than the thief, and is the person who is potentially up [censored] creek.

[dr_venkman]

He's obviously exagerating the whole thing. In order for data thievery (or hacking) to be criminally prosecuted the companies whose data was stolen has to prove that it has hurt their business somehow.

That guy Kevin Mitnick got served four and some odd years for hacking into private companies and copying their data. They proved that his actions cost the company tens of millions of dollars in lost revenue. But in that case they caught him red handed and he went to trial.

I can't see how stealing a laptop is going to get you sent to federal prison unless they can prove that he stole it for the reason of selling data and they prove that the lost data hurt their business.

The professor talks a good game, but if it were me sitting in that class who had stole his PC I would have laughed out loud.

I mean think how many crack heads across the world have boosted PC's and laptops. I doubt a one of them has ever gone to federal prison for data theft. Burglary and petty larceny maybe.

But hey it's Berkely. I'm sure they are used to his self important, overly dramatic, soap-opera style life. They wouldn't be very good Americans if they weren't now would they?

Edit:

I had only listened to the mp3 file, but now just watched the video. Boy that professor can't lie worth crap. His body language screams bullsh*t.

[willie]

PWNED.


man, i've been uncomfortable before, but i'd be shitting my pants.

of course i would be destroying the laptop shortly thereafter.

[Voltron87]

Quote from the speech:

[ QUOTE ]
The information on this laptop could send this young man, actually young boy, to federal prison. Not a good place for a young boy to be.

[/ QUOTE ]

Am I the only one who laughed at that?


The professor obviously doesn't know who took it, and if the school and him could transpond it and find him they would have. Of course, if you are the kid who took it you might not think straight and be too busy crapping your pants to realize this. If he says to the student "I could have you expelled but if you return it by day X nothing will happen to you", that would be a good move on the professors part.

I imagine the professor has very little sympathy for the kid since he stole a laptop and tried to cheat on a test so why would he give him a headsup and some hints if he could find the kid like he says?

[dr_venkman]

[ QUOTE ]
why would he give him a headsup and some hints if he could find the kid like he says?

[/ QUOTE ]

You can tell the guy is heated and angry. That part about him going on vacation is probably true and he wants his laptop back before he leaves.

It all seems very contrived, and he stamers and stutters in a few places just like an actor who hadn't memorized his lines completely.

No Oscar for you, Professor.

That thief might want to put an end to this by putting the laptop into a cement mixer for a while and return it to the Professors's desk in a box in about a million tiny pieces with a note that says "Sorry Sir, I dropped It. Have A Nice Day! /images/graemlins/smile.gif"

Maybe then we'll get another video. This time the professor threatens the criminal with an Arab style beheading.

[Voltron87]

I figured it out. This professor is a poster on 2+2 who recently replied to the "where do you keep your porn?" thread, and now does not want anyone to find out about his porn. If he lets the federal marshalls look for the computer, they will screen the computer and everything and find his porn, quite embarassing. If he convinces the kid to turn the computer in he can erase the porn and be safe.

[Yobz]

[ QUOTE ]
I figured it out. This professor is a poster on 2+2 who recently replied to the "where do you keep your porn?" thread, and now does not want anyone to find out about his porn. If he lets the federal marshalls look for the computer, they will screen the computer and everything and find his porn, quite embarassing. If he convinces the kid to turn the computer in he can erase the porn and be safe.

[/ QUOTE ]

Maybe one of those guys who kept it in c:\documents and settings\administrator\desktop
/images/graemlins/smile.gif

[Voltron87]

Now I think the professor is just flat out worried he can't get it back and will be held responsible for it.

[CripAces]

I go to cal, and while they most probably will get the student. I doubt all those law enforcment agents would give a damn about the laptop and would rather focus on solving bigger issues.

[housenuts]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I figured it out. This professor is a poster on 2+2 who recently replied to the "where do you keep your porn?" thread, and now does not want anyone to find out about his porn. If he lets the federal marshalls look for the computer, they will screen the computer and everything and find his porn, quite embarassing. If he convinces the kid to turn the computer in he can erase the porn and be safe.

[/ QUOTE ]

Maybe one of those guys who kept it in c:\documents and settings\administrator\desktop
/images/graemlins/smile.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

you caught me red-handed

[Bubu]

Could someone elaborate on the tells of this professor ?

slumped shoulders - shyness ? bluffing ?
cross armed - protective shell (bluff, fear for his own skin) or just (restrained) anger ?

speech delivery => bluff ? Seemed elaborate and practiced.
Not very natural.
However, he is speaking to an audience and I have met
many many professors who are awkward in these situations.

I think by transponder he means wi-fi card. You could track the computer by the nic id as it accesses wireless networks.
Academics often use archaic technological terms.

[fimbulwinter]

The way i see it, the body language and speech of the professor strongly suggests that he is not being entirely truthful.

fim