Dirty limericks.

[Chaostracize]

I was thinking about dirty limericks today and the fact that I really only know one. My counselor told it to me when I was 11 and in summer camp. He was awesome.

Here it is:

There was an old man in belgrave,
Who kept a dead whore in his cave,
He said, "I admit,
I'm a bit of a [censored],
But look at the money I save!"

I would like to learn some more limericks if any of you have a good one.

And if at all possible, put a title on your reply for easy access.

[PoBoy321]

Once a gay man from Khartoum,
Brought a lesbian up to his room.
They sat and they wondered,
They thought and they pondered,
About who would do what and to whom.

[jstnrgrs]

There once was a man from Nantuckett,
who's dick was so long he could suck it.
He said with a grin,
as he wiped off his chin,
if my ear were a [censored] I could [censored] it.

[housenuts]

these are from when i was sub-10 years old. trying to remember to the best of my ability...

There once was a farmer who lived by a crick
Every morning he played with his dick

There was a charming young lady who played in the grass
Whenever she rolled over you could see her bare ass

Banjos in the moonlight, the lady next door
You could tell by just looking that she was a whore

Dicks and cunts, they blend so well
If you don't like my story, go straight to hell

-------------------

This one is even hazier...

Boomchicawaka where the coconut grows
he was a mean motherfukker you could tell by his clothes
He had a black leather jacket and a hairy ass
between his legs was a ton of grass

Had a hundred women lined up on the wall
Said to the devil he could fukk em all
When he got to 99 he had to stop
His god damn balls were about to pop

After that he was never seen
Boomchicawaka was a fukking machine

[housenuts]

also this one i just heard a li'l while ago

If it's red and sticky
That's no time for Dunkin' Dicky
When the dew is on the pumpkin
That's the time for Dicky Dunkin

[bholdr]

There once was a man from stambool,
who soliliquized thus to his tool;
'you ruined my health,
and took all my wealth...
and now you won't pee, you old fool!'

-from Vonnegut.

[PoBoy321]

Now, I'm not sure about the spelling of the name of the town in this one, but it basically sounds like this, and it works, so I'll go with it.

Also, there's an interesting backstory behind this one. In the early 1900s, someone claimed that no one could write a limmerick for the town of Manchipswith. So an old, Irish Jesuit priest took up the cause and wrote this little diddy.

A boy and a girl from Manchipswith,
Would touch the parts that they'd kiss with.
But soon they grew older,
And soon they grew bolder,
Now they touch the parts that they piss with.

[PoBoy321]

Not one of these is a limmerick.

They're still pretty good though.

[housenuts]

i guess i wasn't writing limericks, but moreso dirty poems, songs i remembered.

[Chaostracize]

---

[2planka]

has it been a week already since we did a limerick thread?

[asofel]

i lived on nantucket for 6 years...they'd sell these "I am the man from Nantucket" to tourists...always cracked me up seeing these little chubby men walking around thinking they were the [censored]...

fwiw, i can't quite reach my ear...

[Girchuck]

Once we asked an electrician named Jack
Why the heck he wears cable on his neck
Not a word would he spare as he swung in the air
His black shoes clean without a speck.

[Aces McGee]

Hmmm. I've seen a similar rhyme as a two-part limerick:

There was a young girl of Aberystwyth
Who took grain to the mill to get grist with
The miller's son, Jack
Laid her flat on her back
And united the organs they pissed with

Remember those two of Aberystwyth?
Who connected the things that they pissed with?
She sat on his lap
But they both caught the clap
Now they curse with the mouths that they kissed with!

***
I'm not sure which was written first, but I think I did see it attributed to someone pre-1900.

-McGee

[Chaostracize]

Monica and Bill have shown
What Kazinski should have known
That an intern is better
Than a bomb in a letter
Given the choice of how to be blown

[Shakezula]

There once was a Senator from Mass.,
who went out in search for some ass.
He lucked up and found it,
******-up and drowned it,
and that was the end of his ass.