the death of a legend

[cnfuzzd]

so.

everyone knows part of my history. The dirnking, the drugs, the excessive satan worshiping. However, in the last 12-18 months (coinciding with the discovery of online poker and these forums) i have begun to organize my life. Try to find a more productive way to be the huge [censored] and incredible wit that is peace john nickle. Part of this has been slowly reducing and elminating the drug use, trying to eat in a slightly more healthy manner, join a gym. And last week, post my birthday, i decided to take the plunge.

I gave up drinking.

No, not completely. Someday i will drink again im sure. But after constant boozing for more than eight years, i think it would benefit me to abstain from the liquor for a little while, then limit my drinking to social occasions (no more than a few drinks), with perhaps a rare get absolutely torn down event. So, i have no gone four days without consuming alcohol, but tonight i got the call. The only chick would in the slightest way i would be interested in who isnt named pokerjo wanted me to go out. Now, i have all the willpower of a lesbian at a tori amos concert, so i knew this would be an exciting adventure. I would want to drink, i would feel the devil temptation of the bottle calling me, beckoning with its sweet seduction of lewd comments and non-rememberence. I knew i couldnt resist. I got to the bar. I heard the band. I saw the not attractive 30 something chicks dancing like free willy in a 20's burlesque. So i betrayed everything that i have ever believed in.

I ordered an odouls.

Im not proud. I am sober. One day, when im not dying of cirrhosis, i will be ok with it. But the look that my regular bartender gave me was enough to shame me into an all night crack party.

oh well. just thought i would share being that it seems like a large part of everyones perceptions about me center on my raging alcholism, and i wouldnt want to be living a lie.

They will never get my cigarettes though. EVER.

peace

john nickle

[jimymat]

Quiters never win

[zaxx19]

They will never get my cigarettes though. EVER.


***Cigarette Break***

[jesusarenque]

[ QUOTE ]


I ordered an odouls.


[/ QUOTE ]

pwned

[sublime]

your an alcoholic. odouls is a non alocholic beverage for people who are non alcoholics.

in other words, man up and go to an AA meeting.

[cnfuzzd]

the chance of me going to an aa meeting are about the same as dead being voted Ms. OOT

peace

john nickle

[wacki]

[ QUOTE ]
They will never get my cigarettes though. EVER.

[/ QUOTE ]

booo!!!! If your going to kill yourself, atleast enjoy it. There are plenty of other ways to rebel. *cough* plane *cough* bolivia *cough* tonight *cough* be there *cough*

I'm glad your taking better care of yourself though.

[cnfuzzd]

im down to roughly .5-1 pack of marlboro reds a day. Much better than the three i used to inhale...


plane to bolivia? DEAL!

peace

john nickle

[wacki]

[ QUOTE ]
your an alcoholic. odouls is a non alocholic beverage for people who are non alcoholics.

in other words, man up and go to an AA meeting.

[/ QUOTE ]

Have you ever been to one of those things????

AA sucks. And I mean that in almost every possible way. Sure it may be good for some, but not for guys like cnfuzzd and me. It is heavy on religion and they teach the whole abstinence thing. Statistics show moderation is a better way.

[Joe826]

yeah but the coffee is free and comparing yourself to the other alcoholics is generally a real self-confidence boost. i went with my brother once.

[wacki]

True, there are moderation programs I would much rather go to though.

[sublime]

. Statistics show moderation is a better way.

what statistics?

moderation? what are you drunk now?

also, define a "guys like me and cnfuzzed". to me its just a cop out to refuse to get the help you need.

[Victor]

[ QUOTE ]
Have you ever been to one of those things????



[/ QUOTE ]

yes

[ QUOTE ]
Sure it may be good for some, but not for guys like cnfuzzd and me

[/ QUOTE ]

why is this? i always felt the same way, as if i aint as bad as the rest. but they say thats how u r supposed to feel, that denial is the obvious initial response. so maybe they are right.

[ QUOTE ]
Statistics show moderation is a better way

[/ QUOTE ]

where are these stats? i would love to see them.

[The Stranger]

[ QUOTE ]
the chance of me going to an aa meeting are about the same as dead being voted Ms. OOT

peace

john nickle

[/ QUOTE ]

AA is different than it is often portrayed in the media.

Most AA people do not listen to the easy listening station, drive Volvos, wear stupid looking sweaters, and talk in that therapy-talk language.

And not all of them used to be drummers in the 80s either.

If you can handle the booze issue on your own, more power to you.

But if you can't maybe you ought to check out a couple meetings. You don't have to stay if you don't want to.

"Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. There are no dues or fees for AA membership; we are self-supporting through our own contributions. AA is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics, organization or institution; does not wish to engage in any controversy, neither endorses nor opposes any causes. Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety."

[sublime]

Have you ever been to one of those things????

not ONE about 700 of them. i have also done time in jail, shot heroin/coke/crystal. sold all of the above. stabbed/been stabbed, had a gun pointed at my head. somehow kicked a screaming heroin habit on miami beach by promising god i would never do it again. only to of course do it again. funny thing is, once i stopped being "a guy like that" and realized that drugs and alcohol are poisin to me and cannot enter my body under any condition, things have changed. i dont wake up dope sick. i dont rob and steal. i dont wait for puerto ricans for 45 mins in thunderstorms. all because of AA, and the admittance that i was powerless over alcochol.

[sublime]

the chance of me going to an aa meeting are about the same as dead being voted Ms. OOT

then your going to die or live a miserable life. your choice.

[sublime]

the stranger rules

[The Stranger]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
your an alcoholic. odouls is a non alocholic beverage for people who are non alcoholics.

in other words, man up and go to an AA meeting.

[/ QUOTE ]

Have you ever been to one of those things????

AA sucks. And I mean that in almost every possible way. Sure it may be good for some, but not for guys like cnfuzzd and me. It is heavy on religion and they teach the whole abstinence thing. Statistics show moderation is a better way.

[/ QUOTE ]

Like Sublime, AA saved my life. I agree that AA sucks for people who are not alcoholics, and for them there is no problem with moderation.

It is not heavy on religion. Some people talk about God, while I know some people with 20 years sober, go to meetings every day, and are staunch atheists.

The program itself is based on a combination of psychology, medical science, and spirituality.

The chapter of our book "Working with Others," it says:

"If the man be an agnostic or atheist, make it emphatic that he does not have to agree with your conception of God. He can choose any conception he likes, provided it makes sense to him. The main thing is that he be willing to believe in a Power greater than himself and that he live by spiritual principles."

And if you think religion and principles are really the same thing, here are the twelve principles (parallel with the twelve steps):

Honesty
Faith
Hope
Courage
Integrity
Humility
Willingness
Justice
Brotherly love
Perserverance
Spiritual awareness
Service.

I've been sober almost three years, and haven't been to church in about six years, for what that's worth.

My friend Jay G. used to say, "Religion is for people who don't want to go to hell. Spirituality is for people who have already been there."

[wacki]

[ QUOTE ]
. Statistics show moderation is a better way.

what statistics?

moderation? what are you drunk now?

[/ QUOTE ]

No I'm completely sober. 60 minutes did a whole story on this. I will try to dig up stats links later. It should be an easy google.

[ QUOTE ]
also, define a "guys like me and cnfuzzed". to me its just a cop out to refuse to get the help you need.

[/ QUOTE ]

Ok, from your other post you made a solid point. AA in bloomington sucks balls. Sounds like your experience with AA was very very different from mine. I think I drank 2x as much after my "treatment" then before. BTW, I went there not because I was an alcoholic, but because I walked into a thieves house and kneed him in the head. It was not my best moment I must admit. I had 2 beers that entire day so the judge sent me to AA.

Btw, your personal stories are crazy. My respect for you goes up several notches. Not because of what you did, but because you turned yourself around and of your current views. Listen to sublime cnfuzzd, you can't do this [censored] by yourself. Well, not with any appreciable speed.

[sublime]

Ok, from your other post you made a solid point. AA in bloomington sucks balls. Sounds like your experience with AA was very very different from mine.

its not the "AA" its your view on it. i have been to meetings long before i was "ready" and hated every friggin second i was there. hell, even afetr i decided to turn my life over, i still hated a lot of the meetings i went to. today i still dont like a lot of the meetings i go to. i dont like a lot of the people i come into contact with. but i respect them.

i dont know if you are an alkie or not. its none of my business. however, if you say you are, i believe you. i also believe if you are and dont make a serios attempt at AA, that your chances of living a somewhat happy chemical life drop thru the floor.

[[censored]]

[ QUOTE ]
Have you ever been to one of those things????

not ONE about 700 of them. i have also done time in jail, shot heroin/coke/crystal. sold all of the above. stabbed/been stabbed, had a gun pointed at my head. somehow kicked a screaming heroin habit on miami beach by promising god i would never do it again. only to of course do it again. funny thing is, once i stopped being "a guy like that" and realized that drugs and alcohol are poisin to me and cannot enter my body under any condition, things have changed. i dont wake up dope sick. i dont rob and steal. i dont wait for puerto ricans for 45 mins in thunderstorms. all because of AA, and the admittance that i was powerless over alcochol.

[/ QUOTE ]

Wow, you sound like a bad ass. I'm sorry for being a Yankee fan.

[The Stranger]

Here is a place where you can read the book online, if you're interested (the OP or anyone else). I suggest starting with "The Doctor's Opinion," and then straight into the chapters.

Alcoholics Anonymous. (http://www.recovery.org/aa/bigbook/ww/)

[sublime]

thats the scary part, im not a badass, im a pussycat. i am a very nice guy, who wouldnt hurt anybody unless i really had to. drugs and alcohol were calling the shots when i went thru that stuff. which is really nothing to be honest. i mean, a good % of my friends are dead. no coming back from that [censored].

[[censored]]

Dude get real. Pussies don't over come heroin habits. Be at ease with your bad assedness.

[wacki]

[ QUOTE ]
its not the "AA" its your view on it.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yes, and no. What I went to was ran by a Masters degree psychologist that thought a 6 pack of beer is a serious problem that needs thousands of dollars of therapy to cure. The guy sitting next to me in the meeting got arrested during farewell/18th birthday party and was leaving the country to serve in the military. The leader, when he found out the kid had a 6 pack, actually recommended to his probation officer he needed more expensive, stronger therapy. It was a scary place. And yes I know AA is free, but introduce the legal system and things can get complicated. So I think our two experiences were very very different.

[sublime]

What I went to was ran by a Masters degree psychologist


"real" AA is not run by anybody. i am not quite sure what you were exposed to, but it sounds like some court ordered bullshit. at a real meeting you probably feel a lot more at ease.

give this a try (not you necc, but anybody) call yuor local AA service office and talk to the guy/girl who answers. thety are 99% of the time alkies who volunteer thier time to answer phones and tell people where meetings are etc. tell then how you feel etc....i can almost guarantee you will feel better about AA when yoiu hang up. well, if you allow yourself to.

[The Stranger]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
its not the "AA" its your view on it.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yes, and no. What I went to was ran by a Masters degree psychologist that thought a 6 pack of beer is a serious problem that needs thousands of dollars of therapy to cure. The guy sitting next to me in the meeting got arrested during farewell/18th birthday party and was leaving the country to serve in the military. The leader, when he found out the kid had a 6 pack, actually recommended to his probation officer he needed more expensive, stronger therapy. It was a scary place. And yes I know AA is free, but introduce the legal system and things can get complicated. So I think our two experiences were very very different.

[/ QUOTE ]

That was not an AA meeting. AA meetings aren't run by psychologists. Actually there is no authority in AA. Like I quoted earlier, its basically a group of people with a common problem, helping each other out.

There are a lot of shady people in the treatment industry. I go into rehabs and psych wards to talk to the patients sometimes, but overall I don't think rehab has all that much to offer, except for people who need constant medical supervision for the first few weeks.

[Blarg]

I had a roommate who was an alcoholic years ago(actually several, but I'm just talking about this one guy now). He found AA really weird.

He went to the AA meetings in Beverly Hills. He said lots of men and women were coming who weren't alcoholics and didn't know any alcholics at all and admitted as much. Lots of them were dressed to the 9's and were putting on airs and posing in every way imaginable, and basically treating the AA meetings like they were a pick-up joint. This friend was a good looking guy and women seriously went totally ape over him all the time, so he wasn't just having sour grapes or anything; he just thought the scene was stupid. He thought AA shouldn't be a recreational, phony thing. So he dropped out after a few meetings there when he just coulnd't stand it anymore, and a few weeks later found AA meetings in another neighborhood where people were there because they needed to do the right thing, not check the meat market for fresh meat.

I think one of the best things about those organizations is that they have you say and repeat over and over again that you're an alcoholic, and do it in front of people, too. I don't think there's any possibility of progressing in a fight against an addiction if you're not completely honest about it.

And probably humble about the mess you're in. I guess that's where the higher power or whatever comes in. The overt religiousness could be better handled than the way they state it, but you definitely have to get outside the mindset that got you to where you're at as an addict in the first place. You've got to have standards and ideals bigger than your immediate self-aggrandizement, otherwise simply getting your rocks off will always be an adequate motivation to live by, and that leaves plenty of room for every kind of addiction and selfish, stupid behavior. You've got to have bigger fish to fry than your own immediate jollies and lame excuses.

I had a step brother who was a heroin addict and have known a few alcholics, and I would recommend AA or similar programs to them in a heartbeat -- almost any program, really, that took them outside of their current headspace and showed them there was a livable alternative.

Good luck, cnfzzed. You don't sound very serious yet, and you may be one of the ones that just has to die. Some people do, and lots of people probably don't mind the idea all that much, because they feel there's not all that much to live for anyway, even if they never admit that to themselves. Maybe that's you, and you're just counting out the clock and wasting time until death finally hits you. Everyone chooses the price they want to pay, and then lives accordingly. Maybe when the clock runs out you won't be in one of those times where you're thinking you'd wished you'd done it another way.

[wacki]

[ QUOTE ]
That was not an AA meeting. AA meetings aren't run by psychologists.

[/ QUOTE ]

Well then I feel like a dick for posting. All I know is that I had a bunch of yellow AA papers/pamphlets, learned all about the AA 12 step proces, and got a bunch of religious crap. After admitting how much I drank at the free meeting I was forced to undergo thousands of dollars of treatment at professional treatment center.

[ QUOTE ]

There are a lot of shady people in the treatment industry.

[/ QUOTE ]

You can say that again.

Sorry for sticking my nose in here sublime, it looks like my posts weren't worth much. Still, I learned something, so I can say thanks.

[gamblore99]

[ QUOTE ]
Have you ever been to one of those things????

not ONE about 700 of them. i have also done time in jail, shot heroin/coke/crystal. sold all of the above. stabbed/been stabbed, had a gun pointed at my head. somehow kicked a screaming heroin habit on miami beach by promising god i would never do it again. only to of course do it again. funny thing is, once i stopped being "a guy like that" and realized that drugs and alcohol are poisin to me and cannot enter my body under any condition, things have changed. i dont wake up dope sick. i dont rob and steal. i dont wait for puerto ricans for 45 mins in thunderstorms. all because of AA, and the admittance that i was powerless over alcochol.

[/ QUOTE ]

Wow. Seriously, just wow.

[Stuey]

[ QUOTE ]
i wouldnt want to be living a lie.


[/ QUOTE ]

I feel like I am living a lie at times. I stopped drinking also been over 2 years so far. No AA or any crap just quit. I feel like a hypercrit often as I don't think excessive drinking is morally wrong. I just can't do it anymore. /images/graemlins/frown.gif The negative affects just made it no fun for me anymore.

The longer you quit the more you realize how much drinking defined your self image and the image others had of you. Then your forced to find out who you really are or want to be.

I just wanted to wish you good luck with this and I am sure you will succeed. Success can only be meassured by you. If you want to drink once a month, once a year, or never again. And don't let what others will think bother you, it didn't matter when you were drinking full time did it?

[MelK]

The best part of AA is that you get to hug the guy with the big titties. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[SCfuji]

good job. now cut down on the smokes some more.

[BOTW]

Good job!

I gotta tell you, though, nothing feels better than quitting smoking. When you quit alcohol you get this sobriety crap called life--but when you quit smoking you get to Breathe. Breathing is cool, breathing is fun. I'm sure you've noticed a difference in cutting down (most of it is probably cuz you don't smoke a pack or two while drinking) but when you quit it is much better. As long as you are changing things up, why not change this, too?

Anyways, good luck. You've already noticed the crappiest thing about being sober--most women are not hot.

[Toro]

[ QUOTE ]
They will never get my cigarettes though. EVER.

peace

john nickle

[/ QUOTE ]

Not now, you have enough on your plate, but soon please re-think this. My best friend, an alcoholic, went on the wagon about 20 years ago similar to you, before he hit rock bottom, but with help, a 30 day rehab and AA.

But he never could give up the butts. He always talked about it, but never did. Two years ago he finally gave up the butts, because he had lung cancer. He had it removed and we all thought he had it beat until New Years Eve when he had a severe head ache. Brain tumor. He's had it removed and might still beat it. We're all praying.

Give up the butts.

[BeerMoney]

[ QUOTE ]


The longer you quit the more you realize how much drinking defined your self image and the image others had of you. Then your forced to find out who you really are or want to be.

I just wanted to wish you good luck with this and I am sure you will succeed. Success can only be meassured by you. If you want to drink once a month, once a year, or never again. And don't let what others will think bother you, it didn't matter when you were drinking full time did it?

[/ QUOTE ]

Really nice post.

[InchoateHand]

Good luck boss.

I'll be making a similar effort come a few more months.

(I know, why not now, well, plenty of reasons).

[Bluffoon]

Glad to hear John that you are making some positive life changes.

I wish you success in whatever path you choose to sobriety.

Jim

[IndieMatty]

[ QUOTE ]
so.

everyone knows part of my history. The dirnking, the drugs, the excessive satan worshiping. However, in the last 12-18 months (coinciding with the discovery of online poker and these forums) i have begun to organize my life. Try to find a more productive way to be the huge [censored] and incredible wit that is peace john nickle. Part of this has been slowly reducing and elminating the drug use, trying to eat in a slightly more healthy manner, join a gym. And last week, post my birthday, i decided to take the plunge.

I gave up drinking.

No, not completely. Someday i will drink again im sure. But after constant boozing for more than eight years, i think it would benefit me to abstain from the liquor for a little while, then limit my drinking to social occasions (no more than a few drinks), with perhaps a rare get absolutely torn down event. So, i have no gone four days without consuming alcohol, but tonight i got the call. The only chick would in the slightest way i would be interested in who isnt named pokerjo wanted me to go out. Now, i have all the willpower of a lesbian at a tori amos concert, so i knew this would be an exciting adventure. I would want to drink, i would feel the devil temptation of the bottle calling me, beckoning with its sweet seduction of lewd comments and non-rememberence. I knew i couldnt resist. I got to the bar. I heard the band. I saw the not attractive 30 something chicks dancing like free willy in a 20's burlesque. So i betrayed everything that i have ever believed in.

I ordered an odouls.

Im not proud. I am sober. One day, when im not dying of cirrhosis, i will be ok with it. But the look that my regular bartender gave me was enough to shame me into an all night crack party.

oh well. just thought i would share being that it seems like a large part of everyones perceptions about me center on my raging alcholism, and i wouldnt want to be living a lie.

They will never get my cigarettes though. EVER.

peace

john nickle

[/ QUOTE ]


Good for you man. Getting off the sauce is tough.

[Jazza]

reminds me of when i was 18 and got a possesion of alcohol thingo, they said i could either pay the fine and have it on my record, or pay the fine, do comunity service, go to AA and have it off my record, i took the later

after a few classes of alcoholics anonymous i figured out i was supposed to be doing alcohol awareness, very different

[scrub]

[ QUOTE ]
when you quit smoking you get to Breathe. Breathing is cool, breathing is fun.

[/ QUOTE ]

Plus you suddenly have a lot more money than you did before, fewer people are repulsed by being around you, and you can concentrate for longer periods in buildings you're not allowed to smoke in.

Well, and you're less likely to die a horrible death.

scrub

[InchoateHand]

Yeah, but you don't get to smoke anymore.

[bisonbison]

John.

I'm happy that you're having some success in giving up the badness, but I'd really suggest that you quit drinking cold turkey for 2 months and see how you feel.

I don't want to get into the AA debate here - it's an organization with a specific philosophy that works for some people and doesn't work for others.

But go cold-turkey.

[scrub]

[ QUOTE ]
Yeah, but you don't get to smoke anymore.

[/ QUOTE ]

After about two months of the time quitting finally took, that didn't seem to matter as much anymore.

scrub

[GreywolfNYC]

I quit drinking 3 1/2 years ago and its probably the best decision I've ever made. I drank on a daily basis for my entire adult life and now I don't miss it at all. If you stick with this it is absolutely going to blow your mind how much better life is when you're sober.
Good luck, John. You rock for making this decision.

[cnfuzzd]

I will never go to an AA meeting. I have had several relatives who are members of AA and attend regularly, and the prgram has helped them mostly remain sober for several years. My issue with AA is the fact that you in essence have to have a self-image that is totally dominated by alcohol before the program really seems to be effective. I dont. While i do have emotional problems, i have a healthy self esteem, and am not usually very regretful of the things i do/say under the influence of alcohol. I do not believe in a higher power, nor do i think there is some underlying meaning to my life that justifies me living it in a morally or ethically principled way. However, i do believe that as i have crossed the quarter century mark, i can see the decades spanning out in front of me, and i want to be able to enjoy life and be a rude [censored] as competently then as i do now. That means living with a little foresight. Tyring to be a little healthier. If i fail, i fail. Lifes a process, and there is no final judgement when its over, and even if there were, i wouldnt want the damn gold star anyway. However, making these types of decisions is helping me to become more aware of myself, and hopefully in the end that proves beneficial to me.

No, i will never completely stop drinking. Thats ridiculous. I will never have the life style where the occasional drunken night can be bad for me, assuming i continue to not violate state/federal laws. I enjoy the idea of having a drink, or gettting trashed and stupid with friends. I just dont want it to happen every night, and in order to prove that i have some control over the beast, i have set goals for myself. I hope they work, and they seem to be doing well so far. (6 days into it /images/graemlins/grin.gif)

This should not be taken as an indictment of AA. I know that it is a great program that helps a TON of people lead bettter lives, and that for some people, it would be the only way out of a life of mire and self-degredation. I applaud all those who have used the program, and all those who remain drink free.


This should also not be directed at sublime, but more taken as a general comment.

peace

john nickle

[Duke]

[ QUOTE ]
*cough* plane *cough* bolivia *cough* tonight *cough* be there *cough*

[/ QUOTE ]

What are you gonna do to him?

~D

[meep_42]

Good luck, John.

-d

[cnfuzzd]

[ QUOTE ]

Good luck, cnfzzed. You don't sound very serious yet, and you may be one of the ones that just has to die. Some people do, and lots of people probably don't mind the idea all that much, because they feel there's not all that much to live for anyway, even if they never admit that to themselves. Maybe that's you, and you're just counting out the clock and wasting time until death finally hits you. Everyone chooses the price they want to pay, and then lives accordingly. Maybe when the clock runs out you won't be in one of those times where you're thinking you'd wished you'd done it another way.

[/ QUOTE ]

Your happy outlook is what has always drawn me to you blarg. I indeed agree with you. I used to feel this way, because life seemed like an eternal waste of time. However, now im starting to see Life as being worth living for in and of itself. The joys, laughs, and sorrows are unique experiences that i should not be udnervalueing. Im hoping that my recent devotion to living a healthier lifestyle will help bring that more clearly into focus.

peace

john nickle

[benkath1]

[ QUOTE ]
Btw, your personal stories are crazy. My respect for you goes up several notches. Not because of what you did, but because you turned yourself around and of your current views.

[/ QUOTE ]

Amazing what you learn when you venture out from the micro forums. Good to hear you turned you life around. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[cnfuzzd]

[ QUOTE ]
good job. now cut down on the smokes some more.

[/ QUOTE ]

i will probably be quitting smoking sometime soon. Ive never had allergies before, but here in KC i seem to be developing them. Im certain the smoking isnt helping. Not only that, but the longterm health effects of smoking are usually worse than both alcohol and most drugs. So,,, we will see that day soon. Just not today. Especially not when im in a bar, sober, and decide not to call the douchebag a douchebad since im sober. Sometimes, i just need to smoke through that. Let me get a little more used to this sobriety thing, and perhaps a little more selective with the people my friends let hang out with me, and i will quit, and hopefully have a totally stress free lifestyle.

btw, thanks to everyone for their words of encouragement. It really does mean a lot to know that if i need help breaking my addictions, i can always turn to a forum of degenerate gamblers and perverts.

peace

john nickle

[wacki]

[ QUOTE ]
Not only that, but the longterm health effects of smoking are usually worse than both alcohol and most drugs.

[/ QUOTE ]

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&c2coff=1&q=tobacco+polonium&spell=1

[ErrantNight]

congratulations man... i was on that road at one point... never to the heroin... but had to make the choice between continuing dealing/doing harder and harder drugs or clean up a little bit... decided to go to school instead.

still drink, still smoke pot occasionally... but yeah... i suppose i can't even really relate... but something about the feel of a gun in your mouth will lead to some life re-evaluation...

go sox

[pokerjo22]

[ QUOTE ]
not ONE about 700 of them. i have also done time in jail, shot heroin/coke/crystal. sold all of the above. stabbed/been stabbed, had a gun pointed at my head.

[/ QUOTE ]

Woohoo! Ma, I think I got myself a keeper.

[pokerjo22]

Good luck John - I hope you can get your life in order, by whatever means works best for you.

[partygirluk]

[ QUOTE ]
Good luck John - I hope you can get your life in order, by whatever means works best for you.

[/ QUOTE ]

What John really needs in life is a Pokerjo.

[sublime]

Woohoo! Ma, I think I got myself a keeper.

it would be like hitting the lottery baby

[Blarg]

Good luck to you on it all. I've seen my brother ruin his life and the lives of his kids by never really getting serious about his addictions, and seen it with others close to me too, so whenever I see people sound like they're blowing off an addiction problem instead of taking it seriously, it sets off alarm bells. You sounded a little glib in some places up above, and it brings back memories, since I've seen it before. Whatever measures you take to control things, hopefully they are the full measures they need to be, because nothing's worse than backsliding into a hell you knew had your name on it all along. Dying may or may not be bad, but it sure would suck to die hating your decisions and what you'd done to yourself.

[nothumb]

AA blows goats. You should be able to regulate your own behavior without humiliating yourself, begging to all of your relatives and leaning on the crutch of religion. If you can't, well... I guess you deserve the gruesome fate of being in AA.

NT