best strip club stories

[STLantny]

This weekend inspired this post. Please tell us your best ones.


Friday night, I went out with a buddy who was in town from college for a wedding, so we went to the local bar, got messed up drinking manhattans and decided to go to the nudie joints. I just got a nice new box of 2004 Cohiba anniversie and we each had one while watching some boobs. BTW this is only my 3rd time at a strip joint. We are enjoying the cigars and a girl walks up and asks if I want a private, so, I say sure. She asks if I want to put the cigar down, so I have 2 hands available (i guess very liberal strip club policies??) I decline. I figure all men should experience one at some point. So she takes me into this little booth area with a curtain, and pulls it closed. Starts doing her thing, boobs in my face etc, then she turns around, and stands/sits on my lap, and sticks her ass up, like 8 inches from my face, then in one sweeping dancing motion sits up and whips around. Well all of a sudden, I hear this popping and crackling noise, and Im like WTF is that smell. Then she starts screaming MY HAIR IS ON FIRE OH MY GOD PUT IT OUT. At this point I stood up took her hair in my hands and put it all out. I started smirking a little, then she started laughing, and i starting rolling. I said Im very very sorry, and then she went back to do her thing. All in all a good night in my book.

[Alobar]

according to my friend he got chlamyidia in his eye from a stip bar......you should be careful /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[jakethebake]

Once I creamed in my pants because a semi-attractive (in that lighting) woman (an actual woman!) looked and me, and touched me! I felt so cool. Then I went and told everyone on the internet.

[FishBurger]

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according to my friend he got chlamyidia in his eye from a stip bar......you should be careful

[/ QUOTE ]

Interesting. A very similar thing happened to one of my friends. He was sitting at the stage when some stripper bent over in front of him and enveloped his nose with her pussy. A few days later: nose herpes.

[Chaostracize]

Nose herpes. Now there's a phrase you don't hear everyday.

Your friend was pnwed.

[Edge34]

[ QUOTE ]
Once I creamed in my pants because a semi-attractive (in that lighting) woman (an actual woman!) looked and me, and touched me! I felt so cool. Then I went and told everyone on the internet.

[/ QUOTE ]

You're certainly good at shitting on people's fun... /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[FishBurger]

[ QUOTE ]
... because a semi-attractive (in that lighting) woman ...

[/ QUOTE ]

You got that right. I saw a picture of one of my friends who had been hogtied, whipped, and magic-markered by some hos at a strip club. The picture was taken with a flash camera and it really opened my eyes to how hideous some of those girls are.

Make sure you're good and liquored up if you go to one of the cheapie joints.

[Alobar]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Once I creamed in my pants because a semi-attractive (in that lighting) woman (an actual woman!) looked and me, and touched me! I felt so cool. Then I went and told everyone on the internet.

[/ QUOTE ]

You're certainly good at shitting on people's fun... /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

dont mind him, hes one of those haters that tries to make it sound like has a ladies man cuz hes to good for the titty bars.....theres one in every group

Titty bars are fun, I dont care if you couldnt get a woman if your life depended on it, or if you can pull in hot ass without even blinking. Its just fun times. Why do you think rock stars and athletes go to titty bars...you think they cant get pussy at the drop of a hat? They go cuz its a good time.

[cielo]

[ QUOTE ]
Well all of a sudden, I hear this popping and crackling noise, and Im like WTF is that smell.

[/ QUOTE ]


Oh, I swear that at this point I thought she farted in your face or something.

cielo

[gumpzilla]

Unlike the prevailing trends so far, my entertaining strip club story does not involve personal injury or new and exciting forms of venereal disease.

A few years ago, I went on a trip with one of my college friends and some of his buddies to Montreal; at the time I was invited, I was told I was the token white guy to help them get back across the border. Two of the guys on the trip (one of those guys being me) had never been to a strip club prior to this adventure. So we were initiated at the infamous Club SuperSexe (the extra E denotes that it is Extra classy.) I've heard that it might have been shut down since then, which is too bad; I've been to a few more strip clubs since then, and none have matched this place in terms of hotness of strippers and buying power of an American dollar.

One of the guys had won $200 playing blackjack at the casino earlier in the day, and was buying table dances for all. These are a happy medium between lap dances and just watching chicks on the stage; you get more personal interaction/attention without the full-on dry humping of a lap dance, which is a good thing for those of us interested in not alienating the girlfriend or contracting jeans gonorrhea. The girl who was dancing for me was a tall, hot blonde named Melinda. She had a rockin Quebecois accent, which I'm inadequately trained to convey in print. The whole experience made me surprisingly nervous, for some reason. I was sitting in what was essentially an office chair, rocking back and forth and twiddling my thumbs. At some point shortly after she'd smacked me in the face with her thigh, the following exchange takes place:

Melinda: Are you nervous?
Me: Hmm? No! Of course not! I'm just a twitchy dude. Can't sit still!
[Melinda nods, and begins writhing again. Approximately 5 seconds later . . .]
Melinda: BOO!
Me: Ha! That was a good one! You sure showed me!

Thankfully this ended not too soon thereafter. When I went back to my table, Melinda followed me back and told the guy who'd been buying everybody dances that she also did a lesbian act for $30 Canadian that we could all watch. Intrigued, we hurriedly followed her off to a back table, where she jumped up and spread her legs. Somehow in this process, she'd managed to communicate to her friend that she was ready to go, apparently, because within seconds a brunette pops up, declares "Hello, I'm Dominique!" Introductions all around. Melinda then announces, "We'll just get going, this is a good song." The song is "In the Air Tonight," by Phil Collins.

Dominique promptly begins chowing box approximately a foot and a half away from us. Melinda looks like she's having a good time. This is looking like a pretty enjoyable way to spend $30 Canadian. The more we watch, the more Melinda really seems to be enjoying herself. Eventually, she can no longer contain her ebullience, and begins singing at considerable volume (and in silly Quebecois accent) "I CAN FEEL IT COOOOOOOMING IN MY POOOOOO-SEE TONIGHT . . . . HOLD ON!!!!" All of us sitting around the table are completely and totally nonplussed; we begin looking at each other confusedly. Melinda keeps singing, and from somewhere, I hear "SHUT UP!" The music stops abruptly at this point; the only thing lacking is the scratching of a needle across a record. Dominique pops up at this point, saying "What about me? I've been waiting for this moment all my life, too!" We shake our heads, grab our coats and head out into the street, where we practically collapse in a drunken, giggling mess.

I almost forgot to mention, but it goes without saying that I cannot hear this song anymore without giggling.

[youtalkfunny]

[ QUOTE ]
I almost forgot to mention, but it goes without saying that I cannot hear this song anymore without giggling.

[/ QUOTE ]

Funny, I can't hear "Things Can Only Get Better" by Howard Jones without thinking of a certain stripper. God, that was 20 YEARS ago!

My story: First time in the Palamino club in North Vegas. My buddy Lou takes me. Lou regularly goes to strip clubs, I guess. And when he gets liquored up, he's loose with the $1 bills--and when he really gets loaded, the $5's and $10's come out (Lou was making about $7/hr at the time).

Two Lou stories:

1. Lou's sitting ringside, got all his $1's lined up on the tabletop. After several average girls take their turns on the stage, this one girl wheels a bed out onto the stage, and spends the next several minutes doing a simulated masturbation scene, hips bucking wildly. Lou was totally into it. He scooped up all of those bills he had laid out, lobbed them at her, and as the money rained down upon her, you could hear Lou over the music shouting, "Goddammit, take it all!"

2. I didn't witness this one, but I heard about it from several sources: Lou has his pile of money out, and puts a fiver up. Girl on the stage dances over, picks up the five, leans her face close to be heard, and asks Lou, "What's your name, honey?"

Lou replies, "I didn't come here to talk to you. Turn around and let me see your ass."

Furious, the girl THROWS THE MONEY BACK AT HIM. Have you ever seen a stripper throw money back at a guy?

[Sephus]

[ QUOTE ]
Lou replies, "I didn't come here to talk to you. Turn around and let me see your ass."

Furious, the girl THROWS THE MONEY BACK AT HIM. Have you ever seen a stripper throw money back at a guy?

[/ QUOTE ]

first night on the job???

[Joe826]

[ QUOTE ]
Melinda keeps singing, and from somewhere, I hear "SHUT UP!" The music stops abruptly at this point; the only thing lacking is the scratching of a needle across a record. Dominique pops up at this point, saying "What about me? I've been waiting for this moment all my life, too!" We shake our heads, grab our coats and head out into the street, where we practically collapse in a drunken, giggling mess.

I almost forgot to mention, but it goes without saying that I cannot hear this song anymore without giggling.

[/ QUOTE ]

i'm not altogether sober, but i don't get it /images/graemlins/frown.gif

[Talk2BigSteve]

I was called one Friday afternoon by my friends Morgan and Cherielle(The 2 sexiest bi-sexual girls in this city by a longshot). The call went something like this:

THEM: Where are you?
ME: At my house, you called my house phone, dumbass.
THEM: Good, are you dressed?
ME: What time is it?
THEM: {Laughing} You lazy Fu(k get up and get dressed it is 1PM!
ME: OK What is so important?
THEM: You are coming with us get dressed and pack a change of clothes we will be there to get you in 30 minutes.
ME: 30 minutes??? Hello bitches, I am gay, make it 45 minutes
THEM: OK just be ready when we get there!
ME: Whatever bye

Well 40 minutes later they are in my driveway honking the horn. So I finish fixing my hair, grab my overnight bag and head out side. I hop in the car and Morgan throws it in reverse before I even get a chance to ask where the hell we are going, but I am game for Spontaneity so what the hell. Well she tells me that we are going to Memphis to a club called Platinum Plus because it is Amatuer Night and they are going to strip and I have to play Bodyguard for them or something like that. So we get to Memphis which is a 4 and 1/2 hour drive from Meridian, MS. We rent a hotel room close to Platinum Plus to spend the night and so they can do their hair and make-up. Well then we go to the club, being the male, had to pay my cover, and buy my first NON-Alcoholic Drink before I enter the club, the ladies get in for free. So we get in and find a table, and it was right by the dancing cage with a clear view of the center stage. So for the next 8 hours I hear Very Loud continuous Techno music only interrupted but the DJ saying "Thanks for Coming out to Party at Platinum Plus, don't forget to tip, TITTIES AND BEER THATS WHY WE'RE HERE!!! " all night long. I had more requests for lap dances than I can remember and this beautiful woman, who in my opinion was the best looking one there (besides Cherielle who truly is HOT), is dressed in this "Britney Spears Private School" outfit comes and sits in my lap, and says "Are you gay???" and I said "Oh My God, is it that obvious?" and she said "No but thank God, I am Katie, and I can take a break now", so she sat in my lap for about 2 hours and made all the guys around me super jealous. Well the Amatuer show starts and Cherielle takes 1st($500+tips) and Morgan takes 3rd($100+tips). Well while they were preforming I was talking with Katie, and learned all kinds of things about her, like she is a history major in college in Memphis and does this on the weekends to more than pay for school. I also learned that she is bisexual and she thinks that both Cherielle and Morgan are hot, and wondered if I thought that they would be interested in her and a couple of her friends from the club. I said I would find out, I found out, and Yes they were. So later that night about 3:30 in the morning Morgan, Cherielle, Katie, Misty, Cookie(I don't know if those are their real names or just the "Club Names")and I all go to Steak & Shake for a bite to eat, and then go back to the hotel room. I hop in one of the queen size beds and the 5 sexiest woman I have ever seen in person hop in the other bed, after about 2 hours of "Ohhs, Ahhs and Mmmms" I finally managed to fall asleep for about 5 hours until the sun caught my eye and I woke up to see just what the DJ was describing when he said "TITTIES AND BEER THATS WHY WE'RE HERE!!!"

I am sorry to say that althought this is 95% of most straight men's fantasy it did absolutely nothing for me /images/graemlins/confused.gif

Big Steve /images/graemlins/cool.gif

[TheWorstPlayer]

[ QUOTE ]
I am sorry to say that althought this is 95% of most straight men's fantasy it did absolutely nothing for me /images/graemlins/confused.gif

[/ QUOTE ]
The other 5% are in the closet.

[RocketManJames]

True Story.

Was at a strip club in Vegas with a few buddies, including Duke. I won money from the strippers. They tried to get our money, but instead walked away with theirs. Basically, had them hang with us for the better part of the night and got paid. Since then, never been able to outdo that.

-RMJ

[Yobz]

[ QUOTE ]
True Story.

Was at a strip club in Vegas with a few buddies, including Duke. I won money from the strippers. They tried to get our money, but instead walked away with theirs. Basically, had them hang with us for the better part of the night and got paid. Since then, never been able to outdo that.

-RMJ

[/ QUOTE ]

how....?

[STLantny]

I have ever seen in person hop in the other bed, after about 2 hours of "Ohhs, Ahhs and Mmmms" I finally managed to fall asleep for about 5 hours until the sun caught my eye and I woke up to see just what the DJ was describing when he said "TITTIES AND BEER THATS WHY WE'RE HERE!!!"









Note to self: pretend Im gay, next time I go to a strip club.

[Talk2BigSteve]

[ QUOTE ]
have ever seen in person hop in the other bed, after about 2 hours of "Ohhs, Ahhs and Mmmms" I finally managed to fall asleep for about 5 hours until the sun caught my eye and I woke up to see just what the DJ was describing when he said "TITTIES AND BEER THATS WHY WE'RE HERE!!!"

Note to self: pretend Im gay, next time I go to a strip club.

[/ QUOTE ]

I was not doing the "Ohhs, Ahhs and Mmmms" they were coming from the bed next to me. Just to clear up the post some.

Big Steve /images/graemlins/cool.gif

[FishBurger]

Why am I not surprised that the gayest mother in this forum has the best strip club story?

[Joe826]

[ QUOTE ]
I am sorry to say that althought this is 95% of most straight men's fantasy it did absolutely nothing for me /images/graemlins/confused.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

this post brought a tear to my eye.

[Talk2BigSteve]

[ QUOTE ]
Why am I not surprised that the gayest mother in this forum has the best strip club story?

[/ QUOTE ]

LOL Sorry. I have actually wondered, as someone else posted that if you are straight and say that you are gay, would you be able to pick up some of these really hot women. Let me explain....

1. You become friends with them almost instantaneously due to the fact that they do not percieve you as a threat, because of your sexuality...unlike straight guys who are their to pay them for lap dances in hopes of copping a feel.

2. As stated in my original post, Katie was more than happy to sit in my lap and talk to me, and play with my hair, etc. because she knew that I was not going to take advantage of the situation. Also as far as management would be concerned, not knowing my sexuality, she was in the lap of a man so she was doing her job!

3. You could take them out to dinner afterward, and they are more willing to accept since for starters they are not paying for dinner, and two she is under the impression that you are not interested in her sexually so dinner does not come with strings attached, due to fact that you have said you are gay.

4. Make direct eye contact with her EYES, you have plenty of time to look elsewhere as the night goes on, but make sure you listen to her and remember what she says when she first starts the conversation.

5. At dinner compliment her and tell her that you really had fun tonight, etc. etc. but make sure you tell her that she is very beautiful and you feel weird because you are attracted to here when you know you shouldn't be. This is a MUST because a gay man giving a woman a compliment of this calibur on her looks holds more weight than any compliment a straight guy could throw a stripper at the club.

6. Tell her you had a couple experiences with woman but truly did not like them and felt kind of akward. Wait for her response. PRAY she says "Well maybe it was just not with the right woman." If she does say this, pretend to contemplate the response. and then move to step 7.....

7. Reply "Maybe you are right" and compliment her again but not just on her looks remember back to all the little details she said in the conversation when you had the eye contact, and with any luck as the night progresses....SCORE!!!!!

I hope this helps!

Big Steve /images/graemlins/cool.gif

[Duke]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
True Story.

Was at a strip club in Vegas with a few buddies, including Duke. I won money from the strippers. They tried to get our money, but instead walked away with theirs. Basically, had them hang with us for the better part of the night and got paid. Since then, never been able to outdo that.

-RMJ

[/ QUOTE ]

how....?

[/ QUOTE ]

Making small stakes prop bets while other guys in the group were copping feels. I think he only made about $10, but getting a stripper to give you money is remarkable.

The best line I've ever heard in a strip club came from RMJ on that night. There was a girl who had a very large mole/wart/.75 inch long thing on her lower back in about the spot where a whore-tat is supposed to go. It looked pretty gross.

RMJ: 7-1, if it's benign.

~D

[Duke]

A good buddy of mine is a professional strip club patron, so named by paluka. Yeah, I have a lot of stories, but none that are too ridiculous. I never even lit a girl on fire.

~D

[STLantny]

Here is a question for the regulars of these places, as Ive said that was my 3rd time at a strip club, adn the first Ive been w/o girls w/ me that I was trying to get with, so I could actually concentrate on the strippers. But we went to a fairly higher class joint here, and the chick giving me my private, lifted my shirt and licked my nipples (which I told her to stop actually, cause ehh....wasnt my thing) And she also let me touch pretty much anything, and rubbed my dik through my pants (not to get too graphic) but is this [censored] normal? Or does it vary from place to place?

[Duke]

[ QUOTE ]
Here is a question for the regulars of these places, as Ive said that was my 3rd time at a strip club, adn the first Ive been w/o girls w/ me that I was trying to get with, so I could actually concentrate on the strippers. But we went to a fairly higher class joint here, and the chick giving me my private, lifted my shirt and licked my nipples (which I told her to stop actually, cause ehh....wasnt my thing) And she also let me touch pretty much anything, and rubbed my dik through my pants (not to get too graphic) but is this [censored] normal? Or does it vary from place to place?

[/ QUOTE ]

It depends on the girl, the security, the money, and the laws. I've heard of everything from "look but don't touch" to BJs from different girls in the same places.

The girl is probably the biggest factor.

~D