Tucker Max

[scotty34]

I'm not sure if any of you have heard of him, but Tucker Max (http://www.tuckermax.com) has some of the funniest stories I have ever read. Most of them are quite long, so you will probably only want to start these if you have nothing better to do. My personal fav is "Tucker tries buttsex: hilarity does not ensue." Here is a quickie though that I thought I would post just to give an idea. This one is OK, but the others are much better IMO.


Bull’s-eye


The next incident was a few years later, in college, right after I had discovered the art of coming on a girls face. Even before I made the term “dotting her eyes” famous, I was a fan of the facial.


As my climax approached, I moved her onto her back and pulled out just in time, covering her face with a solid 5-roper. Being the neophyte, I had no idea how to aim, and accidentally shot the first--and strongest--rope right in her eye. As I finished and collapsed, very happy with myself and proud of my prodigious paint job, I noticed the look of agony and pain on her face.


Tucker "Baby, are you OK? What’s wrong?”
Girl "I...I can’t see…Jesus, it hurts…it’s burning.”


I helped her scoop most of it out of her eye socket and, both of us still naked and sweaty, I led her into the bathroom where she washed her eye out for a good five minutes.


Apparently semen does not agree with the eye. I called her “Red Eye” for the next few hours, until she got mad and refused to ever give me head again. Then I apologized profusely. She forgave me until she realized that she had ejaculate in her hair and had to wash it twice to get it all out. Needless to say, there were no more facials for her. After that, she swallowed every bit of my seed like a nun taking communion.

[Dead]

This is so three years ago.

[fluxrad]

Maddox would beat the [censored] out of Tucker (http://maddox.xmission.org).

[scotty34]

that old? wow, well I just stumbled upon it recently.

[tbach24]

Tucker Max isn't very funny. The old Maddox is the funniest thing on the internet.

[Dead]

Yeah it's quite old.

But this Tucker Max story is CLASSIC gold:


Tucker tries butt sex (http://www.tuckermax.com/tuckertriesbuttsex.html)

"As the excitement got the best of me, I pulled out too far and my dick came out of her ass. I kinda scrambled to grab my dick and put it back in so I could finish off inside of her, but before I could even get a hold of it and put it back in her ass, I heard a faint “psssst” sound and felt something wet and warm hit my crotch."

t was dark in the room (I was not smart or sober enough to leave the lights on for the camera), so after I looked down it took me a few seconds to realize that my dick, balls and groin area were covered in a viscous black liquid. I stopped moving and stared at my strangely colored crotch for a good 5 seconds, completely confused, until I realized what happened:

“Did you…did you just…[censored] on my dick?”

I reached down to touch the liquid feces, still in complete and utter disbelief that this girl shot explosive diarrhea on my penis, when, without warning, the smell hit me."

I could not stop laughing after reading this. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[scotty34]

Wow, I've never seen that one before either. And after seeing things like this I might have to agree. http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/images/chappelle_graph2.gif

[Freakin]

[ QUOTE ]
Tucker Max isn't very funny. The old Maddox is the funniest thing on the internet.

[/ QUOTE ]

The new maddox isn't worth the time it takes to read...

Freakin

[Dantes]

I like how tucker max 5 years after he makes his website magically comes out with some story from a long a time ago that he somehow forgot to tell us where he's buttfucking a chick and his friend who's taping it in the closet has a stroke or a religious experience or shits his pants or whatever.

[Freakin]

[ QUOTE ]
I like how tucker max 5 years after he makes his website magically comes out with some story from a long a time ago that he somehow forgot to tell us where he's buttfucking a chick and his friend who's taping it in the closet has a stroke or a religious experience or shits his pants or whatever.

[/ QUOTE ]

You forgot to mention how it's all recalled in perfect detail.

Freakin

[Dead]

yah I put the link above.

I think that most of the crazier [censored] on there is made up.

[Freakin]

But Absinthe doughnuts & sushi pants are still quality reads.

[rmarotti]

[ QUOTE ]
But Absinthe doughnuts & sushi pants are still quality reads.

[/ QUOTE ]

[citanul]

[ QUOTE ]
Maddox would beat the [censored] out of Tucker (http://maddox.xmission.org).

[/ QUOTE ]

i think they're pretty good friends, actually.

citanul

[Voltron87]

His [censored] is hilarious. The Road Trip one is unfuckingbelievable. He's a pretty good writer compared to comparable internet blogs. Some of it is pretty vain, but all in all, it's hilarious.

[ttleistdci]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Maddox would beat the [censored] out of Tucker (http://maddox.xmission.org).

[/ QUOTE ]

i think they're pretty good friends, actually.

citanul

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm not sure about pretty good friends, but they at least know each other through their internet fame.

But the other poster was right...old Maddox blows Tucker away...and it's not even close.

[vinyard]

Most useful thing you ever wrote.

[swede123]

I find the Tucker Max stories (particularly the road trip one) funny as balls. Does it really matter if they are true or not? I do enjoy the movies Airplane and Office Space, and I believe they are not entirely true stories.

Swede

[-Skeme-]

[ QUOTE ]
Maddox would beat the [censored] out of Tucker (http://maddox.xmission.org).

[/ QUOTE ]

They met each other for drinks and food or something. They got along pretty well. Tucker isn't funny at all, his site sucks and he's the epitome of a male bimbo. Maddox sucks now, but vintage Maddox is hilarious, although his new Cameron Diaz entry was good.