Funniest Poster on 2+2

[johnnybeef]

In lieu of all of these best this/funniest that posts, i johnnybeef am officially conducting the first official (i hope) funniest poster poll. THE RULES: this poll will officially end weds april 20th at 12:01 AM. there will be no votes taken from any one who has less then 25 posts (in order to avoid self votes) or any self nominations. Good luck to all, my vote goes to Skipperbob.

[pshreck]

[ QUOTE ]
there will be no votes taken from any one who has less then 25 posts (in order to avoid self votes) or any self nominations.

[/ QUOTE ]

How are you going to do this, exactly?

[MarkL444]

[ QUOTE ]
In lieu of all of these best this/funniest that posts

[/ QUOTE ]

those posts suck. but since i must, i say bdk3

[scotty34]

I've seen some pretty quality things out of Blarg, though I don't know if I'm around here enough to know.

[scrub]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
In lieu of all of these best this/funniest that posts

[/ QUOTE ]

those posts suck. but since i must, i say bdk3

[/ QUOTE ]

I /images/graemlins/heart.gif bdk3

scrub

[Beerfund]

Sklansky, that guys posts in the psycho forum kill me!

[Edge34]

Sup bro?

[Ianco15]

"spaceman"Bryce (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=&Number=2146779&page=&view=&s b=5&o=)

or maybe

TEKEE (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=&Number=1839817&page=3&view=c ollapsed&sb=5&o=14&fpart=1)

[johnnybeef]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
there will be no votes taken from any one who has less then 25 posts (in order to avoid self votes) or any self nominations.

[/ QUOTE ]

How are you going to do this, exactly?

[/ QUOTE ]

well first i take a look at the post, then i take a look at the name of the poster. if the two match, it doesnt count as a vote. any other stupid questions?

[pshreck]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
there will be no votes taken from any one who has less then 25 posts (in order to avoid self votes) or any self nominations.

[/ QUOTE ]

How are you going to do this, exactly?

[/ QUOTE ]

well first i take a look at the post, then i take a look at the name of the poster. if the two match, it doesnt count as a vote. any other stupid questions?

[/ QUOTE ]


so this is not for nominations, its for votes? So if 50 people want vote for poster x, they have to all post that?

How bout you actually figure out how to do this?

[Ianco15]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
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there will be no votes taken from any one who has less then 25 posts (in order to avoid self votes) or any self nominations.

[/ QUOTE ]

How are you going to do this, exactly?

[/ QUOTE ]

well first i take a look at the post, then i take a look at the name of the poster. if the two match, it doesnt count as a vote. any other stupid questions?

[/ QUOTE ]
So you're not going to have a poll then?

[MicroBob]

BrownThumb made me literally laugh out loud with such a high percentage of his posts that my vote has to go to him.


Daryn has some really quality zingers in there and probably shouldn't be overlooked in this department.

[johnnybeef]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
there will be no votes taken from any one who has less then 25 posts (in order to avoid self votes) or any self nominations.

[/ QUOTE ]

How are you going to do this, exactly?

[/ QUOTE ]

well first i take a look at the post, then i take a look at the name of the poster. if the two match, it doesnt count as a vote. any other stupid questions?

[/ QUOTE ]


so this is not for nominations, its for votes? So if 50 people want vote for poster x, they have to all post that?

How bout you actually figure out how to do this?

[/ QUOTE ]

AHHHHHH, now i see where you are confused. yes this is for actual votes. sorry for the smart assed reply. (i.e. you maybe thought that this would be a nomination thread in which i would later generate a poll in a sort of "final draft" thread).

[johnnybeef]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
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there will be no votes taken from any one who has less then 25 posts (in order to avoid self votes) or any self nominations.

[/ QUOTE ]

How are you going to do this, exactly?

[/ QUOTE ]

well first i take a look at the post, then i take a look at the name of the poster. if the two match, it doesnt count as a vote. any other stupid questions?

[/ QUOTE ]
So you're not going to have a poll then?

[/ QUOTE ]

no sorry about the confusion, write in ballot only

[stabn]

The hand converter.

[einbert]

"spaceman"Bryce. And it's not even close.

Exhibit A (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=&Board=politics&Number=212449 7&Forum=f27&Words=&Searchpage=0&Limit=25&Main=2081 150&Search=true&where=bodysub&Name=23606&daterange =1&newerval=1&newertype=w&olderval=&oldertype=&bod yprev=#Post2124497)

Exhibit B (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=&Board=psych&Number=2111255&F orum=f12&Words=&Searchpage=0&Limit=25&Main=2111255 &Search=true&where=bodysub&Name=23606&daterange=1& newerval=&newertype=w&olderval=&oldertype=&bodypre v=#Post2111255)

Exhibit C (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=&Board=exchange&Number=214677 9&Forum=,,f20,,&Words=&Searchpage=2&Limit=25&Main= 2146779&Search=true&where=bodysub&Name=23606&dater ange=1&newerval=1&newertype=w&olderval=&oldertype= &bodyprev=#Post2146779)

QED

[istewart]

[ QUOTE ]
"spaceman"Bryce. And it's not even close.

Exhibit A (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=&Board=politics&Number=212449 7&Forum=f27&Words=&Searchpage=0&Limit=25&Main=2081 150&Search=true&where=bodysub&Name=23606&daterange =1&newerval=1&newertype=w&olderval=&oldertype=&bod yprev=#Post2124497)

Exhibit B (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=&Board=psych&Number=2111255&F orum=f12&Words=&Searchpage=0&Limit=25&Main=2111255 &Search=true&where=bodysub&Name=23606&daterange=1& newerval=&newertype=w&olderval=&oldertype=&bodypre v=#Post2111255)

Exhibit C (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=&Board=exchange&Number=214677 9&Forum=,,f20,,&Words=&Searchpage=2&Limit=25&Main= 2146779&Search=true&where=bodysub&Name=23606&dater ange=1&newerval=1&newertype=w&olderval=&oldertype= &bodyprev=#Post2146779)

QED

[/ QUOTE ]

[jakethebake]

I'd say Inchoatehand.

[adios]

That man is funny and has a great mind. He's awesome.

[Beerfund]

[ QUOTE ]
That man is funny and has a great mind. He's awesome.

[/ QUOTE ]

You done blowing him? Everytime he uses "baby" in a thread I want to punch myself in the throat.

[gamblore99]

[ QUOTE ]
"spaceman"Bryce. And it's not even close.

Exhibit A (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=&Board=politics&Number=212449 7&Forum=f27&Words=&Searchpage=0&Limit=25&Main=2081 150&Search=true&where=bodysub&Name=23606&daterange =1&newerval=1&newertype=w&olderval=&oldertype=&bod yprev=#Post2124497)

Exhibit B (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=&Board=psych&Number=2111255&F orum=f12&Words=&Searchpage=0&Limit=25&Main=2111255 &Search=true&where=bodysub&Name=23606&daterange=1& newerval=&newertype=w&olderval=&oldertype=&bodypre v=#Post2111255)

Exhibit C (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=&Board=exchange&Number=214677 9&Forum=,,f20,,&Words=&Searchpage=2&Limit=25&Main= 2146779&Search=true&where=bodysub&Name=23606&dater ange=1&newerval=1&newertype=w&olderval=&oldertype= &bodyprev=#Post2146779)

QED

[/ QUOTE ]

you have my vote. spaceman bryce

[Joe826]

hahahah. that regan post was [censored] hilarious.

[Joe826]

bison has my vote. how has he not been mentioned??

[[censored]]

it starts with his avatar and gets better from there.

[Daliman]

[ QUOTE ]
In lieu of all of these best this/funniest that posts, i johnnybeef am officially conducting the first official (i hope) funniest poster poll. THE RULES: this poll will officially end weds april 20th at 12:01 AM. there will be no votes taken from any one who has less then 25 posts (in order to avoid self votes) or any self nominations. Good luck to all, my vote goes to Skipperbob.

[/ QUOTE ]

You mistake "funniest" for "most medicated".

[Chobohoya]

How the [censored] have Bison and El Diablo not been nominated yet? I nominate both of them.

[Chobohoya]

[ QUOTE ]
bison has my vote. how has he not been mentioned??

[/ QUOTE ]

Ok apparently I only nominate El Diablo.

[tdarko]

[ QUOTE ]
You done blowing him? Everytime he uses "baby" in a thread I want to punch myself in the throat.

[/ QUOTE ]
you could have said he makes you gag, but i do get your point.

[siccjay]

Can I nominate myself?

I rock.

[tdarko]

i may be alone here but joey kinish always makes me laugh, but i like dry humor. best gimmick account in my opinion (sup bro? doesnt post enough, plus he has two accounts and that confuses me)

[Klepton]

angrycola, mainly for the best respone ever to TEKEE's question

[pokerfan23]

I nOmInAtE tHaSaLtCrAcKa

hE sO fUnNy

[rmarotti]

Anytime Evan is drunk in Small Stakes, Anything jason_t has ever written anywhere.

[Schneids]

astroglide

[DiamondDave]

Snakehead is pretty funny, unless you are the person he is making fun of.

[wacki]

[ QUOTE ]
astroglide

[/ QUOTE ]

WTF??? Astroglide?

Ok, I like astroglide, and I have the utmost respect for him, but when has he ever told a joke?

[Blarg]

Monty Cantsin wrote the single funniest thing I've ever read on these forums. I even wonder if it was he who wrote it, since it was way too good for the likes of us! I mean that bit about how he first got into poker. I don't have the link, but can post it if anyone wants to see it. I'm not only jealous that I didn't write it, but even worse, I'm jealous because I couldn't write it.

[scrub]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
astroglide

[/ QUOTE ]

WTF??? Astroglide?

Ok, I like astroglide, and I have the utmost respect for him, but when has he ever told a joke?

[/ QUOTE ]

How can you claim to like Astro and not realize he is one of the funniest people on here?

scrub

[wacki]

I do like astro, and I have the utmost respect for his poker advice and his computer/tech advice. I've just never seen him tell a joke thats all. Why is it so hard to believe that I can like someone and not think they are the funniest person on 2+2? Making that claim is kind of silly IMO.

[Schneids]

Astro's posts make me more regularly laugh than almost anyone else here.

[wacki]

ok, I believe you guys. I guess I must be missing those posts. This is very odd....

If you have a link to an astro joke please post. I'm actually very curious.

Until then, I'm passing out. Later.

wacki

[Schneids]

[ QUOTE ]

If you have a link to an astro joke please post. I'm actually very curious.

[/ QUOTE ]

Here (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showflat.php?Cat=&Board=mediumholdem&Number=215222 0&Forum=f4&Words=chili&Searchpage=0&Limit=25&Main= 2140843&Search=true&where=bodysub&Name=365&dateran ge=1&newerval=2&newertype=w&olderval=&oldertype=&b odyprev=#Post2152220)

A lot of the other stuff is usually just dry, cynical-type comments, which I usually find hilarious.

[scrub]

[ QUOTE ]
I do like astro, and I have the utmost respect for his poker advice and his computer/tech advice. I've just never seen him tell a joke thats all. Why is it so hard to believe that I can like someone and not think they are the funniest person on 2+2? Making that claim is kind of silly IMO.

[/ QUOTE ]

To me, it's like you just said:

"Man, I really like cars. What's that you say? You mean in addition to being great places to sit and listen to the radio, they're also a means of transportation? I don't believe it. Please show me video footage of a car being used for transportation."

scrub

[FishBurger]

This is the first post I've read by Shawn Keller, but I found this little ditty pretty amusing:

"I enjoy teaching high limit texas holdem and that is the main reason I offer my services its really not about the $500 an hour..."

i live to give (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=&Number=2173424&page=0&view=c ollapsed&sb=5&o=14)

Other than that, I think El D and bisonbison are also very humorous. Although their humor seems to be of the intentional variety.

[dsm]

ThaSaltCracka, I mean pokerfan23 wrote [in his very first post]:

[ QUOTE ]
I nOmInAtE tHaSaLtCrAcKa, hE sO fUnNy

[/ QUOTE ]

Hi SaltCracka.http://www.gutefee.com/smilies/happy/wave2.gif Bye SaltCracka.http://www.gutefee.com/smilies/happy/wave2.gif


You So Busted, -dsm

[_2000Flushes]

[ QUOTE ]
Sup bro?

[/ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
pwn3d

[/ QUOTE ]

Die.

[_2000Flushes]

This probably goes without saying, but 4 of the 10 funniest posts on 2+2 so far have been by Bump-en-Stein.

-2kF

[JinX11]

[ QUOTE ]
The hand converter.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is the correct answer.

[shadow29]

Tim And Joe

[InchoateHand]

[ QUOTE ]
Sup bro

[/ QUOTE ]

FYP

[B00T]

BusterStacks and Patrick.

[Chaostracize]

If anyone can find the link to this, I would very much like to read it.

[YourFoxyGrandma]

El D.

[ThaSaltCracka]

haha, too bad that isn't me, whoever it is even stole Toro's avatar from my photobucket account though.

[spamuell]

We've done this before (http://archiveserver.twoplustwo.com/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=872314&page=&view=&sb=5&o =&fpart=all&vc=1).

Yeah I know there are loads of new posters since then but none of them are funny except AlienCorpse.

Vehn was funny (http://archiveserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=&Board=&Number=937659&page=&v iew=&sb=5&o=&fpart=)

[Talk2BigSteve]

Exhibit B is pretty funny!!! I being gay would have to say to that....GO ALL-IN PRE FLOP WITH 6 /images/graemlins/club.gif 9 /images/graemlins/club.gif and say "OMG I caught the GAY!!!"

Big Steve /images/graemlins/cool.gif

[kyro]

Maybe we can petition him to use the word "baby" in every single post so eventually you'll punch your windpipe in. Just a thought.

[tdarko]

[ QUOTE ]
I'd say Inchoatehand.

[/ QUOTE ]
his avatar slows my comp down too much.

[The Yugoslavian]

I nominate SuitedSixes, he's hilarious.

Yugoslav

[Superfluous Man]

What about that JOEYBITCH or LITTLEJOEY or whoever, who once posted those stories in which well-known figures in the poker world sodomized him after he laid a bad beat on them. Those had me in stitches.

I guess I just have bad taste.

[wacki]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I do like astro, and I have the utmost respect for his poker advice and his computer/tech advice. I've just never seen him tell a joke thats all. Why is it so hard to believe that I can like someone and not think they are the funniest person on 2+2? Making that claim is kind of silly IMO.

[/ QUOTE ]

To me, it's like you just said:

"Man, I really like cars. What's that you say? You mean in addition to being great places to sit and listen to the radio, they're also a means of transportation? I don't believe it. Please show me video footage of a car being used for transportation."

scrub

[/ QUOTE ]

Man, you are harsh.

Btw, you do realize that "funniest poster" is an absolute dont you?

Is it possible for you to believe that I can respect and like a man for his ability to reason, honesty, mental prowess, fairness, ability to teach, etc? Which btw, is the primary reason why most of use this website. Listening to the radio is not the primary reason for buying a car btw, so I think your analogy is very flawed.

Also, is it possible for you to accept that someone might think Astro is funny, but not the funniest guy on 2+2, and still like him?

Btw, I do remember reading the chili comment from astro. Equating the chili joke with astro just didn't exactly sink in because it wasn't original. So I didn't exactly find it as the absolutely funniest thing on 2+2. To be honest, the funniest thing I remember astro posting is here

Linky (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=&Number=1978405&page=&view=&s b=5&o=&vc=1)

It's not exactly a joke, but when taken in context, it did make me laugh out loud. And it was original!

This joke (if you can call it that), told by El Diablo was hilarious to me and very original:

Linky (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=&Number=1879095&page=&view=&s b=5&o=&vc=1)

Angry Cola does a lot of cool stuff with pictures. All of which are very original.

Man I feel like a dick. Astro, you know I like/respect you, I'm just kind of upset that I missed your jokes more than anything else. Please don't take this the wrong way. It's [censored] cold in here.

[Luv2DriveTT]

This topic begins & ends with Sample Size Man.

TT /images/graemlins/club.gif

[kyro]

[ QUOTE ]
This topic begins & ends with Sample Size Man.

TT /images/graemlins/club.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

Doesn't he only have like 50 posts? Would that be too small of a sample size?

Thanks, I'll be here all day.

[kyro]

cheat

[BreakEvenPlayer]

- The Sheath

- Airpoaneman

[scrub]

You're either being more deadpan than I'm capable of dealing with, or you need to get out of the house and stop reading OOT until you realize I was just giving you a hard time...

scrub

[chabibi]

confuzzed

[wacki]

[ QUOTE ]
confuzzed

[/ QUOTE ]

glad I'm not the only one.

On a side note, I'm leaving right now.....

[astroglide]

[ QUOTE ]
I'm just kind of upset that I missed your jokes more than anything else.

[/ QUOTE ]

i'm very surprised i was even mentioned here

[johnnybeef]

bump

[Joe826]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I'm just kind of upset that I missed your jokes more than anything else.

[/ QUOTE ]

i'm very surprised i was even mentioned here

[/ QUOTE ]

LOL!!

[[censored]]

Not Handsome

[scotty34]

I vote [censored]

[Riskwise]

http://www.foodsubs.com/Photos/saltines.jpg

[wacki]

[ QUOTE ]
http://www.foodsubs.com/Photos/saltines.jpg

[/ QUOTE ]

That is a good one.

[Shillx]

Cnfuzzd and it isn't close.

[wacki]

[ QUOTE ]
Cnfuzzd and it isn't close.

[/ QUOTE ]

I almost posted his name myself. His take on Maynard finding Jesus was pretty good, and just about anything he says to pokerjo22 cracks my ass up.

Zeno's posts tend to crack me up every now and then as well. But I'm not sure if that's healthy to think that way or not.

[benkath1]

-bison

or

-mylesdyson

[pokerjo22]

Its worth repeating:

Poster: Monty Cantsin
Subject: Re: How did your mad poker skillz0rs develop over time?

I'm sure my story is similar to many other 2+2ers. One morning I was pulled out of my 7th grade English class and told to go to the principal's office. There was a tall man with a briefcase standing next to my mother and father, who were smiling strangely - like they were sad and scared but trying to be brave.

The man's name was Mr. Morgenstern and he told me about his job studying school records looking for children who had a certain rare combination of mathematical ability and pathological aggression. He said these children had a special gift and that no-one is truly happy if they don't reach their full potential.

Then he handed me a deck of cards and told me to say goodbye to my parents.

The Camp I was sent to was a converted boy's school somewhere in the desert. In the mornings we drilled Markov chains and Nash equilibria, in the afternoons we drilled transverse psychology and all the differential calculations of greed and fear necessary to map the currents of the coldest and hottest tables. In the evenings we were given fruit plates and watery cocktails and we played cards.

We slept in staggered 4 hour shifts in blackout curtained cabins. When we couldn't sleep we would sometimes play poker from our bunks, calling out bets and raises while one boy, who kept the entire deck in his head, would shuffle from bunk to bunk whispering hole cards.

And it was no secret many of the boys practiced another kind of hold'em to stave off the lonely chill of those cloudless desert nights.

The Camp had its own baroque hierarchy of influence and respect only loosely associated with the different stakes that we played. We never payed much attention to bankrolls because they were given out and taken back pseudo-randomly by the counsellors. But we knew we knew each other's edges down to the fraction of a degree. And we kept our distance from the "plankton". Every two weeks the mulch at the bottom of the pool would be culled, and a handful of boys would be picked up by shamefaced parents and taken away to careers as investment bankers and computer programmers. This was the only risk of ruin that haunted our nightmares.

Because we had nothing to spend it on we came to view money as a cipher, and we craved it not for its tawdry exchange value but for its ultimate and true meaning as leading indicator in the economics of domination and control.

Eventually it became clear that the counsellors set up our games for something more than educational purposes. Top boys were pitted against each other at tables where the stacks, positions, and temperaments were carefully composed analogues to certain real-world economic and geo-political situations. Through one-way glass the optimal solutions to complex multi-agent dilemmas were recorded by balding men with visors and clipboards.

The internet bubble, for example, corresponded to a ridiculously long run of good cards caught by one "Tubby" Peterson, who eventually went mega-tilt and lost everything in a spectacular reverse rush. Later that night he tried to hang himself but the rope broke.

Certain key confrontations of the Serbo-Croation conflict were modelled with tense heads-up matches between notorious LAG Micky "The Tooth" Chambers and a brilliant but insane little TAG named Steven who was widely rumoured to have kept a severed human finger under his mattress.

Most of us, myself included, had no curiousity about the shadow world behind the mirror. To us these messy scenarios of civil unrest, disease control, and oil prices were just warped reflections of the ideal realm of pips and digits whose combinatory circulation was the alpha and omega of our private, perfect empire.

When I was too old to play they sent me home. I was 15.

Nowadays, I'm allowed to make a certain amount per month, and the counsellors monitor my accounts to make sure my win rate stays sub-anomalous. But to be honest, I'm not sure I'm even capable of breaking that rule anymore. I have a family now and hobbies and interests. I shop, I ski, I watch television. These things, and the pills I take, have dulled my edge enough to make me harmless. I can cut but not kill and so I'm safe.

And I'm happy enough, I guess, to have reached the full potential of something once, though I'm not sure what it was.

[razor]

Monty rules!

[Popinjay]

funniest post ever

[bisonbison]

Monty is actually my favorite poster of all time.

[kurosh]

Thread over. Monty wins.

[wacki]

NoThumb - Specifically in the dating category.

[jgorham]

I haven't read all of the replies, so if they have already been nominated consider this a second:

Sponger and PokerJo are both hilarious.

[tdarko]

[ QUOTE ]
Sponger and PokerJo are both hilarious.


[/ QUOTE ]
i like sponger but he is more angry than funny to me.