Daliman
04-15-2005, 10:29 AM
Ok, so I told my buddy that I had posted the email and he gave me the expected reaction, (feigned being annoyed, but insanely curious...). Anyways, the following night they were together again, and when the subject of the email came up, he was pretty uncomfortable. Baccanalia still still ensued, yadda yadda, and then I get this email back from my friend;
"Hey. So I was amazed at how many people had something to say on that thread. Kinda interesting with the different responses esp. from the women. Anyway, I wrote her and basically told her that her letter worried me and I was not going to get trapped again. Of course I was very tactful and kind. I said that I had just gone through a major life and body change and wanted to take my time exploring my newly rediscovered penis and would not want to give her any false hope and she should keep dating other people. Below is her response and I really don't know what to think of her now. It kinda the same that I've gotten from every other woman, but very different too because she is much more mature and "experienced" than anyone before. If you post this, REMOVE ALL NAMES AND VITAL INFORMATION. You are a bastard for posting it in the first place because now I have a morbid curiosity what people with say to this. Call me today with your take.
I was so glad to get your email, relieved even - thank you. I want to say a few things in response to some things you told me. The first thing I want to respond to is where you said you were not in a position to make a life changing decision about love - Xxxxxx, I totally understand that - I hope I did not make it sound that I expected that from you in anything that I have said or written to you. I am sorry if it seemed that way. I don't know if I've even told you this, I know I've told my kids and my sister, but I don't even plan on getting married again until my kids are grown and moved out of the house. I don't know why, but it's just something that I felt strongly about. I'm not saying I wouldn't live with someone, but marriage is definately a long ways off for me.
I will admit that I do not want to see anyone else right now, the thought of going out with someone else, or the thought of another guy trying to kiss me or touch me makes me want to vomit. I don't expect you to feel the same way towards other women, that is just how I feel. And I don't feel that I'm being robbed of any happiness by NOT going out right now. If things don't work out for us, I will date again, there will always be single guys out there to go out with. I just can't do it right now. A lot of the things I say or said, like when I said I wanted you to be mine and I want to be yours, I mean that is what I eventually want - and it doesn't necessarily mean marriage, and it doesn't mean today, tomorrow or next week or even next year - it just means that is what I would like for it to end up as at some point if things keep going the way that they are. I feel like I have said too much to you in some ways and have made you nervous and that is the last thing that I wanted. The way that I have felt has floored me - I am the same as you when you say that you've been hurt and crushed and you don't ever want to go through that again, I don't want to go through that again either. And you're right, I don't REALLY know you after a few dates and making love only twice, but when I say the things I say it is based on what I DO know up to this point, and so far up to this point, in my eyes, you are everything I have said. I don't want, nor do I need, a decision from you right now, please don't think that, I just want a chance to show you how good I think we could be together. I know it is hard for you to trust and I know your ex changed after you were together for awhile, and when I look at you and I look at me, I see something different because I KNOW how I am, and like you, I KNOW I am a good person, and I KNOW that I know how to treat my man. I treated Xxxxxxx good and he was cheating on me, abusing me and treating me like [censored]. But I know that time will show you that I will not change, that what you see now is what you get, and if anything did change, it would only be for the better. I know that you are not expecting 100% of me right now, but I can still give you 100% of my own free will because that is what I want to do. It is of my own choosing. I do not expect anything of you or from you, and you can tell me anything without worrying about a reaction from me. I do want to be your best friend, please feel free to tell my anything that is on your mind or in your heart. And I told you before in a previous email, if you meet someone else and you feel more for her, just tell me - I will wish you well and won't bother you ever again. I want you to be happy Xxxxxx whether it is with me or without me. I'm not saying it wouldn't hurt if it was without me, but I am a big girl and I will be okay if it comes to that. Nothing could possibly hurt worse than what I have already been through for the past ten years with Xxxxxxx. I know your heart has been crushed and it breaks my heart to know that. I would do anything to heal your pain, but I know you need to work that out in your own way and in your own time. I happen to think that you are worth waiting for. Don't ask me why, that is one of those things that I can't explain, but I do have strong feelings about it and I told myself after my mistakes with Xxxxxx that I would start trusting my gut instincts, so it's starting now. I know you don't know me really, but I would NEVER [censored] on you, I would never do anything to hurt you - I just want you to know that from the bottom of my heart. I totally understand your apprehension and the need to guard your heart, feelings, emotions and all of that, I totally understand.
You are not a "dork" for using analogies - I understand what you are saying. I understand everything you said in your email, I really do. I know you need to date and see other people, I can sense that, and I'm okay with that. I'm not going to lie, I told you before it does make me jealous, but I have no right to feel that way, you are NOT mine and you are free to do as you please and need to do. I don't know how much you have gone out or dated. I have gone out on ALOT of dates and I was actually beginning to get repulsed by it before I even met you. Every guy I met only wanted sex, nobody wanted me for me or for anything meaningful and it was beginning to hurt really bad. I was about to the point of giving up and then I met you . . . and that is just another reason that this whole thing has seemed so surreal to me, the timing of it all was just perfect, for me anyway. I actually WANT you to date, I would never want you to NOT do what you wanted to do. If you go out with 20 more women and decide that you don't want to date anyone else anymore and just date me exclusively I would feel great. If you stopped dating now and only dated me exclusively, I would actually worry that you would always wonder if something better was out there. I want you to be sure if you decide to stop seeing other people. I'm not swearing off dating forever, but am swearing off dating for awhile, I don't feel like I should do something that I have absolutely no desire to do. I cannot think about anything or anyone but YOU, I dream about YOU, I talk about YOU, everything on my mind is YOU, YOU, YOU. I can't ignore what I'm feeling and at the same time I can't expect you to feel the same way. I can hope that someday you will, and I can hope that someday we will be dating exclusively and who knows what from there . . . I don't know what the future holds, I only know how I feel right now and I'm following my heart and my instincts and right now they are with you. I don't feel that I'm devoting something that I cannot devote right now, and I don't feel that you are denying me total happiness by taking your time to figure out who or what you want and need right now. I told you before I am willing to wait, I think you are worth waiting for. I don't want to risk losing someone that I think could be the best thing that has ever happened to me. And if it doesn't work out, I haven't lost anything by waiting - what have I lost but a bunch of guys who only want to have sex with me???? Ok, well, I'm sick of that anyway - and it was just different with you, I WANTED you - I didn't want any of them, even kissing some of the guys I went out with made me sick. God, I just can barely contain myself to keep my lips and hands off of you - how can I ignore that? And it's NOT just the physical stuff, (although physical attraction is very important as far as a good sex life goes), it's just being with you. I've been on dates where I absolutely could NOT wait for the night to be OVER. When I'm with you, I don't ever want the night to end! I just want time to stop and I want to just be in your arms forever.
I hope you enjoy your time with your parents very much, I know you must miss them terribly, I can't imagine being away from my parents, and it makes me sad that you are so far away from yours. I'm so happy that you are getting to spend time with them. Please don't feel like you have to call me, just enjoy your time, they are only going to be here for a few days, I'll be here forever . . . okay? Put all of this in the back of your mind and have fun. I will be thinking about you, and I will be missing you and looking forward very much to the next time we see each other.
We can talk next week. Please always tell me how you feel, ok? And if I've said too much, I'm so sorry - I really don't want to scare you away, I just want you to know how I feel. Like I said before, if I didn't tell you and some other girl came along and felt for you the way that I did and she told you - well . . . . what would happen??? You would assume I didn't have those feelings for you because I never said anything, so I had to let you know. I don't want to rush things, I just hope that it DOES work out for us and that we do end up together, even if it is years later - if everything stays the way it is and gets better and better - I feel like our lives would be perfect. I can tell that you really are a great man, a very caring, loving and gentle man. I'm sorry that you were treated so badly, she didn't deserve you Erik and you didn't deserve to be treated that way. It pisses me off that she treated you that way because I would give anything to have been in her shoes. Please take your time and do what you need to do, find yourself, figure out what you want and need and just know that I care about you so much and that I am not going anywhere anytime soon, and that is of my own choosing. And also know that you CAN tell me anything - anytime and I'm here for you whatever you need.
Love,
Xxxxxxxx"
VERY scary and contradictory at almost every turn, to say the least. Enjoy.
"Hey. So I was amazed at how many people had something to say on that thread. Kinda interesting with the different responses esp. from the women. Anyway, I wrote her and basically told her that her letter worried me and I was not going to get trapped again. Of course I was very tactful and kind. I said that I had just gone through a major life and body change and wanted to take my time exploring my newly rediscovered penis and would not want to give her any false hope and she should keep dating other people. Below is her response and I really don't know what to think of her now. It kinda the same that I've gotten from every other woman, but very different too because she is much more mature and "experienced" than anyone before. If you post this, REMOVE ALL NAMES AND VITAL INFORMATION. You are a bastard for posting it in the first place because now I have a morbid curiosity what people with say to this. Call me today with your take.
I was so glad to get your email, relieved even - thank you. I want to say a few things in response to some things you told me. The first thing I want to respond to is where you said you were not in a position to make a life changing decision about love - Xxxxxx, I totally understand that - I hope I did not make it sound that I expected that from you in anything that I have said or written to you. I am sorry if it seemed that way. I don't know if I've even told you this, I know I've told my kids and my sister, but I don't even plan on getting married again until my kids are grown and moved out of the house. I don't know why, but it's just something that I felt strongly about. I'm not saying I wouldn't live with someone, but marriage is definately a long ways off for me.
I will admit that I do not want to see anyone else right now, the thought of going out with someone else, or the thought of another guy trying to kiss me or touch me makes me want to vomit. I don't expect you to feel the same way towards other women, that is just how I feel. And I don't feel that I'm being robbed of any happiness by NOT going out right now. If things don't work out for us, I will date again, there will always be single guys out there to go out with. I just can't do it right now. A lot of the things I say or said, like when I said I wanted you to be mine and I want to be yours, I mean that is what I eventually want - and it doesn't necessarily mean marriage, and it doesn't mean today, tomorrow or next week or even next year - it just means that is what I would like for it to end up as at some point if things keep going the way that they are. I feel like I have said too much to you in some ways and have made you nervous and that is the last thing that I wanted. The way that I have felt has floored me - I am the same as you when you say that you've been hurt and crushed and you don't ever want to go through that again, I don't want to go through that again either. And you're right, I don't REALLY know you after a few dates and making love only twice, but when I say the things I say it is based on what I DO know up to this point, and so far up to this point, in my eyes, you are everything I have said. I don't want, nor do I need, a decision from you right now, please don't think that, I just want a chance to show you how good I think we could be together. I know it is hard for you to trust and I know your ex changed after you were together for awhile, and when I look at you and I look at me, I see something different because I KNOW how I am, and like you, I KNOW I am a good person, and I KNOW that I know how to treat my man. I treated Xxxxxxx good and he was cheating on me, abusing me and treating me like [censored]. But I know that time will show you that I will not change, that what you see now is what you get, and if anything did change, it would only be for the better. I know that you are not expecting 100% of me right now, but I can still give you 100% of my own free will because that is what I want to do. It is of my own choosing. I do not expect anything of you or from you, and you can tell me anything without worrying about a reaction from me. I do want to be your best friend, please feel free to tell my anything that is on your mind or in your heart. And I told you before in a previous email, if you meet someone else and you feel more for her, just tell me - I will wish you well and won't bother you ever again. I want you to be happy Xxxxxx whether it is with me or without me. I'm not saying it wouldn't hurt if it was without me, but I am a big girl and I will be okay if it comes to that. Nothing could possibly hurt worse than what I have already been through for the past ten years with Xxxxxxx. I know your heart has been crushed and it breaks my heart to know that. I would do anything to heal your pain, but I know you need to work that out in your own way and in your own time. I happen to think that you are worth waiting for. Don't ask me why, that is one of those things that I can't explain, but I do have strong feelings about it and I told myself after my mistakes with Xxxxxx that I would start trusting my gut instincts, so it's starting now. I know you don't know me really, but I would NEVER [censored] on you, I would never do anything to hurt you - I just want you to know that from the bottom of my heart. I totally understand your apprehension and the need to guard your heart, feelings, emotions and all of that, I totally understand.
You are not a "dork" for using analogies - I understand what you are saying. I understand everything you said in your email, I really do. I know you need to date and see other people, I can sense that, and I'm okay with that. I'm not going to lie, I told you before it does make me jealous, but I have no right to feel that way, you are NOT mine and you are free to do as you please and need to do. I don't know how much you have gone out or dated. I have gone out on ALOT of dates and I was actually beginning to get repulsed by it before I even met you. Every guy I met only wanted sex, nobody wanted me for me or for anything meaningful and it was beginning to hurt really bad. I was about to the point of giving up and then I met you . . . and that is just another reason that this whole thing has seemed so surreal to me, the timing of it all was just perfect, for me anyway. I actually WANT you to date, I would never want you to NOT do what you wanted to do. If you go out with 20 more women and decide that you don't want to date anyone else anymore and just date me exclusively I would feel great. If you stopped dating now and only dated me exclusively, I would actually worry that you would always wonder if something better was out there. I want you to be sure if you decide to stop seeing other people. I'm not swearing off dating forever, but am swearing off dating for awhile, I don't feel like I should do something that I have absolutely no desire to do. I cannot think about anything or anyone but YOU, I dream about YOU, I talk about YOU, everything on my mind is YOU, YOU, YOU. I can't ignore what I'm feeling and at the same time I can't expect you to feel the same way. I can hope that someday you will, and I can hope that someday we will be dating exclusively and who knows what from there . . . I don't know what the future holds, I only know how I feel right now and I'm following my heart and my instincts and right now they are with you. I don't feel that I'm devoting something that I cannot devote right now, and I don't feel that you are denying me total happiness by taking your time to figure out who or what you want and need right now. I told you before I am willing to wait, I think you are worth waiting for. I don't want to risk losing someone that I think could be the best thing that has ever happened to me. And if it doesn't work out, I haven't lost anything by waiting - what have I lost but a bunch of guys who only want to have sex with me???? Ok, well, I'm sick of that anyway - and it was just different with you, I WANTED you - I didn't want any of them, even kissing some of the guys I went out with made me sick. God, I just can barely contain myself to keep my lips and hands off of you - how can I ignore that? And it's NOT just the physical stuff, (although physical attraction is very important as far as a good sex life goes), it's just being with you. I've been on dates where I absolutely could NOT wait for the night to be OVER. When I'm with you, I don't ever want the night to end! I just want time to stop and I want to just be in your arms forever.
I hope you enjoy your time with your parents very much, I know you must miss them terribly, I can't imagine being away from my parents, and it makes me sad that you are so far away from yours. I'm so happy that you are getting to spend time with them. Please don't feel like you have to call me, just enjoy your time, they are only going to be here for a few days, I'll be here forever . . . okay? Put all of this in the back of your mind and have fun. I will be thinking about you, and I will be missing you and looking forward very much to the next time we see each other.
We can talk next week. Please always tell me how you feel, ok? And if I've said too much, I'm so sorry - I really don't want to scare you away, I just want you to know how I feel. Like I said before, if I didn't tell you and some other girl came along and felt for you the way that I did and she told you - well . . . . what would happen??? You would assume I didn't have those feelings for you because I never said anything, so I had to let you know. I don't want to rush things, I just hope that it DOES work out for us and that we do end up together, even if it is years later - if everything stays the way it is and gets better and better - I feel like our lives would be perfect. I can tell that you really are a great man, a very caring, loving and gentle man. I'm sorry that you were treated so badly, she didn't deserve you Erik and you didn't deserve to be treated that way. It pisses me off that she treated you that way because I would give anything to have been in her shoes. Please take your time and do what you need to do, find yourself, figure out what you want and need and just know that I care about you so much and that I am not going anywhere anytime soon, and that is of my own choosing. And also know that you CAN tell me anything - anytime and I'm here for you whatever you need.
Love,
Xxxxxxxx"
VERY scary and contradictory at almost every turn, to say the least. Enjoy.