"Dear bison..." OR "Let me help you help me help you"

[bisonbison]

"Can asian man and white gill farr in rove?"
"Who's hotter: this 13-year-old or this 11-year-old?"
"I bought a game system for no reason, recommend some games"
"Why is it lightsabers can absorb lightening?"
"How do you guys make things in your life occur so that later you can talk about them?"

Sweet monkey jesus, you guys need help, and I'm here to provide it. Give me the opportunity to help you not be the way you are anymore. Let me clear your dazed mind, and get you out of the sullen masturbatory desk-stuck hunch that defines the blur of your waking hours. Ask me for advice, for I have gazed into the abyss and lived to tell the tale.

You weren't born a pathetic halfwit, and you don't have to die that way, but if some of you continue on your paths unobstructed, that's where you'll end up: friendless, alone and spotty.

From here into the foreseeable future, if you respond to this thread with a life-question or start an OOT thread called "Dear bison", I will repair your shattered existence.

Let me fix you. Let me cover your shame. It's the least I can do.

[Jack of Arcades]

How much would could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

[bisonbison]

Perhaps I should clarify: in order to get a response, questions are going to have to be either legitimate or entertaining.

[Michael Davis]

"Perhaps I should clarify: in order to get a response, questions are going to have to be either legitimate or entertaining."

Apparently not.

-Michael

[TStoneMBD]

Try leaving the house.

[tbach24]

[ QUOTE ]
"Can asian man and white gill farr in rove?"

[/ QUOTE ]

It took be about a minute to figure it out, but I've been laughing since I did.

[Matty]

[ QUOTE ]
How much would would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

[/ QUOTE ]A woodchuck would chuck all the wood he could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

[bisonbison]

Try leaving the house.

Yes, that would be an example of the concise, well-reasoned advice I'll be giving.

[Jack of Arcades]

I have faith in you.

[FlopMe]

[ QUOTE ]
Let me clear your dazed mind, and get you out of the sullen masturbatory desk-stuck hunch that defines the blur of your waking hours.

[/ QUOTE ]

If the above quote just described me perfectly should I really be concerned?

[bisonbison]

If the above quote just described me perfectly should I really be concerned?

Yes.

[FlopMe]

[ QUOTE ]
...but if some of you continue on your paths unobstructed, that's where you'll end up: friendless, alone and spotty.


[/ QUOTE ]

Now, I am officially concerned. How do I prevent this from happening?

[bisonbison]

Now, I am officially concerned. How do I prevent this from happening?

Well, you're going to have to think about what makes you happy (actually happy, not temporarily giddy or momentarily distracted from the vacanct place you call your heart), and then order your life in such a way as to ensure that you can do that thing which makes you happy on a regular basis.

Alternately, you can describe your typical habits and I can deride you for them.

[DBowling]

Dear Bison,
I have never heard the word:
[ QUOTE ]
deride

[/ QUOTE ]
What does it mean?

[FlopMe]

My typical day: I wake up groggy around 6 PM and don't really want to get out of bed. Once I manage to get out of bed I drink a Mountain Dew and smoke a cigarette. After the cigarette I brew some coffee and spend the first few hours of my day browsing 2+2 and occasionally posting.

After 3 cups of coffee I start playing 8-tables at Party. I play 400 hands and take a break to browse 2+2 and occasionally post. I do this 4 times throughout the evening so I get in about 1600 hands. After I'm done playing poker, I browse 2+2 and occasionally post. At some point I'll look at naked women posing on a website. I start getting sleepy when the sun comes out and eventually go to bed. I will repeat this same routine the next day.

[jason_t]

[ QUOTE ]
Dear Bison,
I have never heard the word:
[ QUOTE ]
deride

[/ QUOTE ]
What does it mean?

[/ QUOTE ]

ridicule.

[bisonbison]

What does it mean?

It means it's time to open a book without playing cards on the cover.

[DBowling]

ZING!
dictionary.com works also. i dont think i have a real dictionary in my apartment. do you think its a worth while investment?

[Jack of Arcades]

Dear bison,

I am moving out of my parent's house very soon, and I don't know how to wash clothes. Should I even bother with it?

[bisonbison]

My typical day: blah blah blah

Get a part-time job that'll get you out of the house and into contact with people other than the middle-aged woman who runs the midnight checkout at 7-11. It doesn't matter how menial it is, just find something that doesn't involve cleaning bathrooms and you're golden.

Sleep from 2am - 10am, go to work for 4-6 hours, come home, play poker, go to sleep.

You'll play just as much poker, make more money, meet people and get out of the house. When you get to this point, let me know.

[bisonbison]

do you think [a dictionary is] a worth while investment?

Not unless you press leaves as a hobby.

[DBowling]

alright, thats what i thought. your "open a book without playing cards on the cover" comment had me confused for a minute

[Bluffoon]

[ QUOTE ]
"Can asian man and white gill farr in rove?"
"Who's hotter: this 13-year-old or this 11-year-old?"
"I bought a game system for no reason, recommend some games"
"Why is it lightsabers can absorb lightening?"
"How do you guys make things in your life occur so that later you can talk about them?"

Sweet monkey jesus, you guys need help, and I'm here to provide it. Give me the opportunity to help you not be the way you are anymore. Let me clear your dazed mind, and get you out of the sullen masturbatory desk-stuck hunch that defines the blur of your waking hours. Ask me for advice, for I have gazed into the abyss and lived to tell the tale.

You weren't born a pathetic halfwit, and you don't have to die that way, but if some of you continue on your paths unobstructed, that's where you'll end up: friendless, alone and spotty.

From here into the foreseeable future, if you respond to this thread with a life-question or start an OOT thread called "Dear bison", I will repair your shattered existence.

Let me fix you. Let me cover your shame. It's the least I can do.

[/ QUOTE ]

You do realize you that what you are proposing is akin to shoveling sand back into the ocean?

[FlopMe]

That was some very good advice. Thank you.

[partygirluk]

Dear bison,

I just found out that I have "won" through to round 2 of the "most hated" competition. I have been in a sulk ever since, and don't think I'll ever recover from this blow. What should I do?

[bisonbison]

I am moving out of my parent's house very soon, and I don't know how to wash clothes. Should I even bother with it?

Bother with moving out of your parents' house? Yes.
Bother learning how to wash clothes? Yes.

The basics: take clothing off floor, look at tag - if it says it's not dry clean only, throw it in the hamper. When hamper is full, sort clothes (and at least once a month your sheets and towels for fu[/i]ck's sake) into two piles: whites-brights vs. dark colors. If you have enough to make it worthwhile you can also separate your whites from your brights. Each piles get washed separately. Put a washer-load of clothes (typically the washer should be 3/4 full and not heavily compacted) from any given pile, add generic liquid detergent (like Tide) in appropriate recepticle, insert quarters, press correct button (whites/brights/colors), start wash, come back in 45 minutes. Clear the drier's lint screen, move the clothes to the drier, insert quarters, start dry cycle, come back in an hour. Take clothes from dryer, put any shirt with buttons and any nice pants on clothes hangers, fold the rest, put them in appropriate clothes storage devices.

You're done.

[Bluffoon]

[ QUOTE ]
I am moving out of my parent's house very soon, and I don't know how to wash clothes. Should I even bother with it?

Bother with moving out of your parents' house? Yes.
Bother learning how to wash clothes? Yes.

The basics: take clothing off floor, look at tag - if it says it's not dry clean only, throw it in the hamper. When hamper is full, sort clothes (and at least once a month your sheets and towels for fu[/i]ck's sake) into two piles: whites-brights vs. dark colors. If you have enough to make it worthwhile you can also separate your whites from your brights. Each piles get washed separately. Put a washer-load of clothes (typically the washer should be 3/4 full and not heavily compacted) from any given pile, add generic liquid detergent (like Tide) in appropriate recepticle, insert quarters, press correct button (whites/brights/colors), start wash, come back in 45 minutes. Clear the drier's lint screen, move the clothes to the drier, insert quarters, start dry cycle, come back in an hour. Take clothes from dryer, put any shirt with buttons and any nice pants on clothes hangers, fold the rest, put them in appropriate clothes storage devices.

You're done.

[/ QUOTE ]

Tip: Buy grey underwear and sweatsocks and you won't have to do a separate load for whites.

[DBowling]

[ QUOTE ]

Tip: Dont wear underwear or sweatsocks and you won't have to do a separate load for whites.

[/ QUOTE ]

[bisonbison]

Dear bison,

I just found out that I have "won" through to round 2 of the "most hated" competition. I have been in a sulk ever since, and don't think I'll ever recover from this blow. What should I do?

Dear partygirluk,

There's a perverse pride in being known as an annoying or risque poster. Imagine trying to explain that pride to the pretty girl you loved when you were eight.

Now, concentrate on that feeling of pathetic isolation and consider that it is the constant substrate of your existence here at 2+2. Decide whether you get enough pleasure from being annoying to make it worthwhile to constantly have this taste of utter failure in the back of your throat.

[Shanty]

I had the same concern when considering leaving a wife who was much meaner than me.
Found a wash and fold laundry close by that charged $1 a pound to clean my smelly boxers and, wonder of wonders, they treated me like a wonderful human being.
Here is the question: Would the thrill wear of if I married an entire family of Vietnamese laundry owners, or should we just visit once a week?

Shanty

[bisonbison]

Tip: Buy grey underwear and sweatsocks and you won't have to do a separate load for whites.

For the most part, bright clothes and detergents nowadays are color-safe enough to mix whites and brights. Gray socks and gray underwear inevitably just seem dirty.

[jason_t]

Dear bison,

Boxers or soft-cotton briefs?

Sincerely,

Jason.

[bisonbison]

Dear bison,

Boxers or soft-cotton briefs?

Dear Jason,

Unless you're in really good shape you should just stick with boxers except when you're working out.

[tbach24]

Dear Bison,

I want to know when if it is +EV for me to drop Frank Thomas because he is likely out until mid-year for some SP/RP that won't make my team significantly better. FWIW, Thomas is a consistent 3.2-3.3 producer but is only able to play at the utility (most utilities will get somewhere from 2.4-3).

[jason_t]

[ QUOTE ]
Dear bison,

Boxers or soft-cotton briefs?

Dear Jason,

Unless you're in really good shape you should just stick with boxers except when you're working out.

[/ QUOTE ]

Dear bison,

Please elaborate on wearing boxers when not working out and the relevance of one's fitness to this decision.

Sincerely,

Jason.

[bisonbison]

Dear Jason,

you wear tighty-whities when you work out so your balls don't ache for days afterward, but if you're not working out and you're planning on a woman seeing you naked and you're not in good shape, boxers are the way to go.

a chubby guy in boxers is still a chubby guy, but a chubby guy in jockeys is a chubby man in denial - one who believes that the lumpy trashbag look is really enhancing his body.

Besides, it's less cramped to get a handjob in boxers, cause your penis can get through the hole in boxers without the need for judo.

[jason_t]

[ QUOTE ]
Dear Jason,

you wear tighty-whities when you work out so your balls don't ache for days afterward, but if you're not working out and you're planning on a woman seeing you naked and you're not in good shape, boxers are the way to go.

a chubby guy in boxers is still a chubby guy, but a chubby guy in jockeys is a chubby man in denial - one who believes that the lumpy trashbag look is really enhancing his body.

Besides, it's less cramped to get a handjob in boxers, cause your penis can get through the hole in boxers without the need for judo.

[/ QUOTE ]

Dear bison,

Sound advice. In fact, now it's time for a serious question since you seem quite skilled at this.

My girlfriend-of-two-years cheated on me and tried to kill me. Now she is my ex-girlfriend. A period of time passed where we neither saw each other nor communicated with each other. But now she is pleaing to be my friend and I'm having a hard time telling her to f[/i]uck off. It's complicated by the fact that are both PhD students at the same school and even have a class together this quarter. We have many common friends and she has a set of my car keys and apartment keys and won't give them back. She is requesting friendship for the keys. What an immature bit[/i]ch. I have no interest in involving the police. I want to hire a hitman. Do you think this is wise or do you have a better suggestion? Should I poke her in the butt if the opportunity presents itself?

Sincerely,

Jason.

[bisonbison]

Dear tbach,

Thomas is a hall of famer in the twilight of a long decline. If he's not going to be present for the first half, you might as well pick someone else up now and see how it looks when he's recovering. Given the nature of his decline and his injury history, he's likely to be cheap come mid-season anyhow.

[bisonbison]

Dear Jason,

Pay the money to change your locks. Consider it a sunk cost. Then tell her that having her in your day-to-day routine would be too much for you to deal with right now.

This has the benefit of being the truth, so you don't have to defend yourself or remember anything complicated. But change the locks first.

[einbert]

[ QUOTE ]
My typical day: I wake up groggy around 6 PM and don't really want to get out of bed. Once I manage to get out of bed I drink a Mountain Dew and smoke a cigarette. After the cigarette I brew some coffee and spend the first few hours of my day browsing 2+2 and occasionally posting.

After 3 cups of coffee I start playing 8-tables at Party. I play 400 hands and take a break to browse 2+2 and occasionally post. I do this 4 times throughout the evening so I get in about 1600 hands. After I'm done playing poker, I browse 2+2 and occasionally post. At some point I'll look at naked women posing on a website. I start getting sleepy when the sun comes out and eventually go to bed. I will repeat this same routine the next day.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is my day exactly except for the cigarettes, and also I go to class occasionally (about three times a week).

[Yeti]

Dear bison,

I'm in my first year of a three year Maths university course and unhappy. I have no motivation or desire to do well in this degree but my parents are practically forcing me to stay on.

I live at uni at the moment but the next two years I plan on catching the train in. Should I treat it as a bad job, grit my teeth, and grind it out?

FWIW I'm 19 with a nice chunk of change from poker to invest, which would obviously help me get off the ground were I to drop out and get on the job ladder.

Sincerely,

Jon.

[jason_t]

[ QUOTE ]
Dear Jason,

Pay the money to change your locks. Consider it a sunk cost. Then tell her that having her in your day-to-day routine would be too much for you to deal with right now.

This has the benefit of being the truth, so you don't have to defend yourself or remember anything complicated. But change the locks first.

[/ QUOTE ]

Dear bison,

Sound advice again. Although I'm not sure how to deal with my car keys. I drive a new car and the keys have a microchip in them that communicates with the locks and the engine to prevent theft. Changing the lock would be difficult and expensive. Anyway, onto a more important question. Should I limp 22 UTG?

Sincerely,

Jason.

[thirddan]

dear peter

do you know why my renders keep finishing with missing frames? its really pissing me off, and since im new at the job it kinda sucks...

oh and congrats on the good job and return to 2+2...

ian

[thirddan]

time for another new car me thinks...

[bisonbison]

Dear Jon,

A lot of people are unhappy their first year at university/ in college/away from home. It's not exactly a requirement of undergrad life, but it often seems like that.

My question for you: is there anything out there that seems interesting to you from a study or work standpoint? Different focus within your program, different program, future classes in your program, job opportunities?

Cause it very well may be that you haven't figured out the stuff you need to do to be happy in addition to a job/school, and if that's the case then you're likely to find yourself bored and without motivation doing something else.

[razor]

[ QUOTE ]
Unless you're in really good shape you should just stick with boxer-briefs except when you're working out.

[/ QUOTE ]

fyp

[bisonbison]

Dear Ian,

I'd just ask someone at your job to take a look at your process and see if you're overlooking something or find a professional/enthusiast forum for your type of work and see if they can diagnose it.

There's no reason to pretend like it's not happening, just say "hey, gary, I keep finishing with missing frames and I can't figure it out."

[bisonbison]

Yeah, boxer-briefs: all the support of boxers, all the aesthetics of briefs.

[bisonbison]

Dear Jason,

I would contact the manufacturer through their website and see about the price. It might be necessary to sit the scary ex down and get her to give you that key.

In most full ring games, you should be limping any pocket pair first in. If you find yourself in a game where you're not comfortable doing that, strongly consider switching tables.

[razor]

[ QUOTE ]
Tip: Buy black or navy underwear and sweatsocks and you won't have to do a separate load for whites.

[/ QUOTE ]

fyp

Guys should NOT be wearing white/grey socks, wear socks that match your pants.

[The Stranger]

Dear Bison,

I am 25, live in the Los Angeles area. I work for the family business, and live with my parents. I make $35K/yr. I crashed my car about a month ago, and was trying to think of ways to save money so that I could get my own place. My insurance will pay off the car for about 1K over what I owed on it. I only drive about 15 miles a day, but it is a pretty hilly 15 miles. So instead of financing a car, having to pay increased insurance premiums, and $2.60/gal for gas, I'm thinking of getting a bike and riding that around for a year. From my calculations, that should save me about 6K in that year. And if I make saving money my #1 priority, I should be able to save about $17K to pay off some debts and try to put a down payment on a condo. Good plan?

[Jeff W]

Dear Bison,

I have a profound trouble with loud noises and bass. If someone is playing loud bass or music or noise of any kind on my floor(dorm) I cannot concentrate or sleep. What should I do?

[Jeff W]

Sounds like you don't need "Dear Bison." /images/graemlins/wink.gif

[bisonbison]

Dear The Stanger,

If you've got friends who can pick you up when you want to have fun, I don't really see a downside to this plan as long as you pay down your debt gradually. That way if you change your mind four months from now, you'll still have enough of the insurance money to get a decent used car.

[sfer]

Bison,

CDC played at a 2+2 gather last month and wapwned all of us. I strongly suspect that it is because he was wearing a Hawaiian Punch t-shirt he bought at Urban Outfitters. I need some of his mojo, so I want to get one. Problem is, I hate Urban Outfitters with a passion. A vengence. Also, Evan has one too and I don't want to be lame like Evan. I'm already short, sort of like Evan, although I tower over him by like 2 feet or so. What should I do? Also bdk3clash keeps calling me. He doesn't understand what being a non-committal boy-slut means apparently. How do I explain to him without hurting his feelings?

Finally, I have this painful, milky white discharge from my rod when I urinate every morning. Do you think it was from humping that pony last week?

Danka.
Wendell

[jason_t]

[ QUOTE ]
Dear Jason,

I would contact the manufacturer through their website and see about the price. It might be necessary to sit the scary ex down and get her to give you that key.

In most full ring games, you should be limping any pocket pair first in. If you find yourself in a game where you're not comfortable doing that, strongly consider switching tables.

[/ QUOTE ]

Dear bison,

I am comfortable doing that; I thought it was correct on the right tables. On to the next question. Tits or ass?

Sincerely,

Jason.

[maryfield48]

Dear bison:

[ QUOTE ]
Alternately, you can describe your typical habits and I can deride you for them.

[/ QUOTE ]

Did you mean "Alternatively"?

[bisonbison]

Dear Jeff,

As long as you're keeping decent student hours (i.e. not trying to go to sleep at 11pm), you should be able to ask your RAs or house presidents to institute a late-night noise rule that'll keep things at a reasonable level so you can sleep. If a reasonable level for everyone else is still too loud for you, I'd suggest some earplugs and a towel under the door.

As for studying: you have to go to the library or some other such building. In college you have a right to sleep where your bed is. You don't have a right to study where your bed is.

[Chris Daddy Cool]

Dear Bison,

Ever since you've quit playing poker I've been at a loss in finding a new hero. Who do you think I should look up to now?

Chris

[bisonbison]

On to the next question. Tits or ass?

Dear Jason,

I prefer a pretty face to either, but I am definitely more of a boob man than an ass man. I don't need them real big either, but nice boobs are great.

[Yeti]

[ QUOTE ]
Dear Jon,

A lot of people are unhappy their first year at university/ in college/away from home. It's not exactly a requirement of undergrad life, but it often seems like that.

My question for you: is there anything out there that seems interesting to you from a study or work standpoint? Different focus within your program, different program, future classes in your program, job opportunities?

Cause it very well may be that you haven't figured out the stuff you need to do to be happy in addition to a job/school, and if that's the case then you're likely to find yourself bored and without motivation doing something else.

[/ QUOTE ]


Dear Bison,

Heh, I can't really think of anything that interests me at the moment. Probably due to feeling a bit low.

I'm not actually that far from home at all, and see my friends there all the time. My social life at home is pretty damn good in fact, whilst non-existent at uni.

All through teenhood I, and others, assumed I'd go through uni, get a great job, be pretty rich etc. I'm not really sure I'm interested in the same route anymore. The thought of moving out, getting my own little place, a decent job, and supplementing my income with poker sounds quite appealing at the moment.

As 19 year olds go, I'm obviously in great financial shape, but when it comes to work 20 years down the line, obviously a degree may be beneficial.

Meh.

[bisonbison]

Dear Wendell,

There's nothing I can do for you, marmoset-man.

[zaxx19]

[ QUOTE ]
I hate Urban Outfitters with a passion

[/ QUOTE ]

I think we would get along. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[bisonbison]

Did you mean "Alternatively"?

Apparentively, but I'm not much of a usage hawk.

[tbach24]

Dear Bison,

Today my catcher is sitting out. I just realized this could be a problem as I should (to maximise my EV) use up all 162 games availible. However, there are no good one's on the FA market. I plan on trading my catcher (Paul Lo Duca) at the all-star break because he is always a first-half player and always underperforms in the second-half. What should be my plan to fill up the 45-50 games that Lo Duca and my 2nd half catcher will sit out? Should I take a catcher from the FA market now or wait until some other point? Do you need to know who's availible?

[bisonbison]

Ever since you've quit playing poker I've been at a loss in finding a new hero. Who do you think I should look up to now?

Chris

Dear Chris,

Not to worry, I've played 4k hands this month and am currently obliterating .5/1.

[sfer]

[ QUOTE ]

There's nothing I can do for you, marmoset-man.

[/ QUOTE ]

Lame.

Resolutions:
T-shirt, no. I'm effing 30 and too old to wear crap like that.

bdk3clash gives me one more BJ and then it's no more. Crying or not, I don't care.

Discharge. Turns out I forgot to mention that I beat off before peeing in the morning. Dunno about the pain, though.

[jason_t]

[ QUOTE ]
On to the next question. Tits or ass?

Dear Jason,

I prefer a pretty face to either, but I am definitely more of a boob man than an ass man. I don't need them real big either, but nice boobs are great.

[/ QUOTE ]

Dear bison,

I too am most concerned with a beautiful face, but I was wondering all else the same, which do you prefer. Now that you have brought up beautiful faces, who of the following three do you think is the most beautiful: Alizee, Mischa Barton, Julliette Binoche?

Sincerely,

Jason.

[bisonbison]

Dear tbach,

Catchers as a whole, unless very young, are going to be stronger first-half players in any case. I'm not a big roto fan, but I imagine that not many owners see much value in carrying three catchers since that third catcher is likely to be a marginal contributer at best, and unless you draft one team's backstopping corps, you still don't have a guarantee that 5-10 games/year won't be empty in the C slot.

[bisonbison]

Dear Jason,

Mischa Barton has the best features but she desperately needs to gain about 20 pounds.

[tbach24]

[ QUOTE ]
Dear tbach,

Catchers as a whole, unless very young, are going to be stronger first-half players in any case. I'm not a big roto fan, but I imagine that not many owners see much value in carrying three catchers since that third catcher is likely to be a marginal contributer at best, and unless you draft one team's backstopping corps, you still don't have a guarantee that 5-10 games/year won't be empty in the C slot.

[/ QUOTE ]

It's a fantasy point league, therefore a catcher even producing at 2 PPG who fills up those last 40 games will earn me 80 more points. Filling up all innings and games is very important.

[maryfield48]

[ QUOTE ]
Did you mean "Alternatively"?

Apparentively, but I'm not much of a usage hawk.

[/ QUOTE ]

Me neither.

[partygirluk]

Dear Bison,

for the past 6 months I have been madly in love with you. My room is covered with posters of you and I am having plastic surgery to look more like you. Every night I pray to God that I could, in fact, be you. My mum thinks this is kind of strange, but it all seems so natural to me. What should I do?

[bisonbison]

Dear Yeti,

I would say that part of the solution for you is going to be engaging more in your local uni life and/or merging the two social circles through aggressive cross-inviting of people. You miss out on a lot if you have a foot in each camp and are never fully in either.

[tolbiny]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Tip: Buy black or navy underwear and sweatsocks and you won't have to do a separate load for whites.

[/ QUOTE ]

fyp

Guys should NOT be wearing white/grey socks, wear socks that match your pants.

[/ QUOTE ]

I've gotta start wearing pants now?

[bisonbison]

Dear PartyGirlUK,

I'm just going to quote some advice I gave you two hours ago:

"Decide whether you get enough pleasure from being annoying to make it worthwhile to constantly have this taste of utter failure in the back of your throat. "

[pokerstudAA]

Dear Bison,

When I was in college I was growing marijuana. The police came and took my marijuana away. The weight of the plants made it a felony. Lucky for me I was only put on probabation for 3 years. Now many years later I have finished law school and received my MBA. However, the Texas State Board of Law Examiners (http://www.ble.state.tx.us/) now will not allow me to recive a licence to practice law.

Do you agree that marijuana prohibition has gone on far too long in the US?

Thanks,
Stoned in Texas

[Dead]

Dear Bison,

If someone's peeing and halfway through they die, would they keep pissing or stop?

Why is it that when things get wet they get darker, even though water is clear?

Why is it that when you get out of a swimming pool, your urine is hotter when you use the restroom?

Signed,
Obsessed with Urine

[bisonbison]

Dear Stoned,

I believe our current drug laws have had the same basic societal and economic effects as Prohibition did.

[bisonbison]

Dear Obsessed,

1. The dead man's bladder would continue to empty, since the sphincters that control the flow of urine out of the bladder and through the urethra would no longer maintain their basic tension.

Whether a corpse can be said to pee or to simply release urine is a matter for the philosophers.

2. The water absorbs/disperses more of the visible light that would have reflected off the clothing.

3. The experience of heat is relative. Since a swimming pool will lower your surface body temerature, but the temperature of your urine is largely stable, the difference, and therefore the perceived heat, is greater.

[CCx]

dear bison:

i've been shaving every morning on the way to work with an electric razor for the better part of 9 years - it's both time consuming and monotonous, and if i shave at 7am, it's usually a problem again by 5pm. the part i get stuck on is my upper lip, more specifically right near the corners of my mouth - i'm the kind of person who has to get every last hair and make sure it's 100% before i'm satisfied with it ... even if it looks like it's shaved, if i can run my hand over it either way and feel hair, i go back at it - i was told by a friend that switching to a blade and shaving my upper lip in the shower would solve my problem - do i stick to my current routine, or risk gouging myself with a blade to ensure success

[pokerstudAA]

Dear Bison,

Should I attempt to sue the Board of Law Examiners and attempt to get my licence? Is it a good idea to sue a collective of powerful lawyers? Or just smoke a joint and forget about it?

Thanks,
Stoned in Texas

[bisonbison]

Dear CCx,

Assuming you can tell the difference between 'with the grain' and 'against the grain', shaving with a blade should give you a closer shave than an electric. And a closer shave will mean that the beard hairs will have to grow for more time before they're noticeable later in the day.

[kurosh]

Dear bison,

My ex-gf broke up with me about a year ago. I am still in love with her. In an attempt to get over her, I started messing around with another girl. I made it explicitly clear to her that I had no emotional attachment and was only doing it to try and get over my ex. After the second time of messing around (no sex), I felt horrible about it because I was thinking about my ex during it. I even told the girl this but apparently that just made her even more attracted to me. I tried to bury the bad feelings I had and after about a month, I took her virginity after making it abundantly clear beforehand I did not care for her. I literally said to her, "I don't care about you. Do you still want to go through with this?" Anyway, fastforward about 3 months. I keep trying to end it but she gets so hurt and I feel horrible. I tell her we can hang out but no messing around. Then, anytime we do hang out, she starts coming on to me, groping my penis, begging for sex, etc and about half the time I give in and we end up sleeping together. I refuse to kiss her at any point. I don't feel very bad about the actual act afterwards anymore but I do feel bad about how this is eventually going to end for her.

[bisonbison]

Dear Stoned,

Unless you believe that the Supreme Court will overturn decades of state and federal legislation on the unlicensed cultivation of narcotics, I would recommend against making a case out of what was, at the time, certainly a felony.

[Isura]

Another shaving question: I've been shaving for over 7 years but it still takes me over 15 minutes to shave in the morning. Used to use an electric razor (20 minutes), now a Mach3 blade with shaving cream. I always shave with the grain, but it still takes me [censored] ages to get a clean shave. Any tips for reducing shaving time to less than 8 minutes? FWIW, my father shaves in about 5 minutes, but don't have the stones to ask him such a lame question. Maybe that's another issue though.

[bisonbison]

Dear Isura,

Don't be afraid to ask your dad how he shaves so fast. In fact, ask him exactly that: 'Dad, how do you shave so fast?'

By making it an expertise question instead of a hygiene one, your ephemeral but carefully forged barriers of non-communication with your dad will remain intact.

Trust me, he'll actually be happy to show you.

[thirddan]

one more...

im at work now, the only person here, on my supervisors desk is my demo reel with his comments about it and me...should i go look at what he wrote?

[zoomOut]

Dear bisonbison,
Thank you for your service. What is the best way to handle an adult son (20 year old)who is in college who has become a born again Christian and wants to save me? This is a legitimate question. My first instinct is to flip out and tell him he has fallen over the edge. But he looks so sad all the time. I have known for many years that he is an unhappy soul even though I tried to love him to death as he was growin up. His uncle committed suicide over a year ago in a not so pretty manner and just recently one of his close friends from high school committed suicide. Apparently this has bothered him quite a bit. I'm at a loss for how to help him other then going along with his bible study as he attempts to save me. It is just a little uncomfortable for me however. Should I just wish him the best and keep my mouth shut?

Thanks for your help. Sincerely,
zoom

[bisonbison]

Dear Kurosh,

If you're going to remain uncomfortable in this psuedo-relationship, you should end it. Whether this girl is gonna get messed up or you're going to continue to worry about her getting messed up, it's just not worthwhile. You're going to feel guilty and continue to hook up with her cause, hey, it feels really good. So if you're not willing to give her what you think she's asking for then just stop seeing her.

I suggest saying something like 'Sorry, this just isn't something I can handle right now.' It sucks and she'll cry a lot, but it has the benefit of telling the truth, which (by your account) is the only way you've managed to stand yourself throughout this anyway.

[SpearsBritney]

[ QUOTE ]
Dear bison,

I just found out that I have "won" through to round 2 of the "most hated" competition. I have been in a sulk ever since, and don't think I'll ever recover from this blow. What should I do?

Dear partygirluk,

There's a perverse pride in being known as an annoying or risque poster. Imagine trying to explain that pride to the pretty girl you loved when you were eight.

Now, concentrate on that feeling of pathetic isolation and consider that it is the constant substrate of your existence here at 2+2. Decide whether you get enough pleasure from being annoying to make it worthwhile to constantly have this taste of utter failure in the back of your throat.

[/ QUOTE ]

Genius

[bisonbison]

Dear Ian,

Having asked, don't do it. If you did it spontaneously you could explain it away. It's too late now.

[afk]

http://ca.geocities.com/priestofsound@rogers.com/bisonpng.png

[kurosh]

Do you mean not see her at all or can I hang out with her and not hook up?

[bisonbison]

Do you mean not see her at all or can I hang out with her and not hook up?

Dear Kurosh,

Remind me how hanging out with the intention of not hooking up has been working for you so far.

[FeliciaLee]

Dear Bison:

If a woman, who was never very feminine in the first place, has to get a double mastectomy, followed by a hysterectomy and loses all of her hair due to chemotheraphy, is it safe to say she is now a hemaphrodite? Or is there some other terminology for someone who has lost all traces of their "sex?"

In addition, would you consider marrying a woman like this? Even if you were in love with her? Knowing she had no breasts, knowing she could not have children and had not a hair left on her body?

Naturally, I'm asking this for a friend of mine, lol. /images/graemlins/blush.gif

Felicia /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[pokerstudAA]

Dear Bison-

The Supreme Court wont need to do anything crazy here. I need to meet the "Moral Fitness and Character" requirements. I am free to attempt to convince either the Board of Law Examiners or a District Court that I am a good and moral person.

[ QUOTE ]
(a) No one shall be eligible for admission to the Texas Bar until the investigation of such person’s moral character and fitness has been completed, and it has been determined by the Board that such individual possesses good moral character and fitness.


[/ QUOTE ]

I guess my question here comes down to: Can I possess good moral character and fitness and still spark the occasional doobie? Does smoking weed really make me that bad a person in teh eyes of our legal system? What about hitting the bong - is that clearly out?

Thanks,
Stoned and Confused

[Isura]

[ QUOTE ]
Dear Isura,

Don't be afraid to ask your dad how he shaves so fast. In fact, ask him exactly that: 'Dad, how do you shave so fast?'

By making it an expertise question instead of a hygiene one, your ephemeral but carefully forged barriers of non-communication with your dad will remain intact.

Trust me, he'll actually be happy to show you.

[/ QUOTE ]

Thanks. I'll ask the next time I visit my parents.

[The Stranger]

[ QUOTE ]
Dear Bison-

The Supreme Court wont need to do anything crazy here. I need to meet the "Moral Fitness and Character" requirements. I am free to attempt to convince either the Board of Law Examiners or a District Court that I am a good and moral person.

[ QUOTE ]
(a) No one shall be eligible for admission to the Texas Bar until the investigation of such person’s moral character and fitness has been completed, and it has been determined by the Board that such individual possesses good moral character and fitness.


[/ QUOTE ]

I guess my question here comes down to: Can I possess good moral character and fitness and still spark the occasional doobie? Does smoking weed really make me that bad a person in teh eyes of our legal system? What about hitting the bong - is that clearly out?

Thanks,
Stoned and Confused

[/ QUOTE ]

you can't be serious

[bisonbison]

Dear Felicia,

I don't subscribe to an additive theory of gender. My mother had a hysterectomy, and is still a woman. One of her friends had a double-mastectomy and is still a woman. And I don't see how a woman who had undergone both procedures, however invasive and destructive of the body she once knew, and the sense of femininity she felt resided in her breasts and uterus and hair, would be less of a woman for it.

Now, I don't know what it would be like to be in love with a woman who'd gone through that, but I certainly think I could be in love with her.

Some men wouldn't, but, honestly, if we accept who we are, we look for people who accept us as we are, and everyone else can pretty much go f[/i]uck themselves.

[swolfe]

Dear Bison,

Every day that I have to go to work is worse than the day before. It's killing me...should I quit?

Steve

[bisonbison]

I guess my question here comes down to: Can I possess good moral character and fitness and still spark the occasional doobie? Does smoking weed really make me that bad a person in teh eyes of our legal system? What about hitting the bong - is that clearly out?

Dear Stoned,

I certainly believe you can be a good person and a recreational drug user. But part of your decision in arguing your case must rest on the value you put on honesty. Essentially, it would be much easier to gain your license if you claimed youthful indescretion and that you've now sworn off pot.

Whether Texas needs you as a lawyer enough to represent your position as such (hey, I no longer smoke) if it's untrue is something you have to weigh for yourself.

[bisonbison]

Dear Steve,

If you're unable to find a way to change the circumstances at work that make you unhappy, then yes, I would seriously consider quitting sooner rather than later.

Unhappiness is simply too much of a burden to bear day to day when you don't need to.

[BusterStacks]

Dear Bison,

I am not in school and I play poker full-time. I would like to meet people my age and have more social things to do other than going to bars. I am not completely adverse to going back to school, but I have no idea what I would like to do in the long term, and thus feel that it would be a waste. What do you recommend for meeting new people? I have more questions as well. Thanks

[swolfe]

[ QUOTE ]
Dear Steve,

If you're unable to find a way to change the circumstances at work that make you unhappy, then yes, I would seriously consider quitting sooner rather than later.

Unhappiness is simply too much of a burden to bear day to day when you don't need to.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is true...in fact, this is exactly what I told my girlfriend and why she just quit her job. Hmm, why would I give this advice and feel like it doesn't apply to me as well? Maybe because I make more than $8/hr...

I make good money and am a fairly important person at my job, but it's mind-numbingly boring at times and really, there are only two people that I like that work there. My biggest problem is that I'm consumed by poker and having to work is a distraction from playing and thinking about poker. Last week, I pretended to work, but really just browsed 2+2. I think 200 of my posts are from last week. Plus, I don't like wearing khakis.

[swolfe]

[ QUOTE ]
Dear Bison,

I am not in school and I play poker full-time. I would like to meet people my age and have more social things to do other than going to bars. I am not completely adverse to going back to school, but I have no idea what I would like to do in the long term, and thus feel that it would be a waste. What do you recommend for meeting new people? I have more questions as well. Thanks

[/ QUOTE ]

take up a sport and join a recreational league. you'll get to meet people and get some exercise.

[bisonbison]

Dear Zoom,

Sorry for the delay, missed this in the replies.

I would just say to be as present for your son as you can be while still maintaining your equilibrium. Just don't mislead him about your own relationship to Christianity. If you can attend these services/bible study sessions as an interested father/non-believer that's great, but only do it if you can do it without getting frustrated or angry at him.

If you can manage it, you get to be involved in this thing that's very important to him right now (for whatever reason) while being non-judgemental, and as far as parenting themes go: 'I'm here for you when you need me.' and 'I want you to be happy and healthy, wherever that leads you.' aren't bad things to hold on to.

That having been said, if you trust the church he's becoming involved in, I'd encourage you to encourage him to speak to a pastor about these suicides.

[Blarg]

[ QUOTE ]
Dear Bison:

If a woman, who was never very feminine in the first place, has to get a double mastectomy, followed by a hysterectomy and loses all of her hair due to chemotheraphy, is it safe to say she is now a hemaphrodite? Or is there some other terminology for someone who has lost all traces of their "sex?"

In addition, would you consider marrying a woman like this? Even if you were in love with her? Knowing she had no breasts, knowing she could not have children and had not a hair left on her body?

Naturally, I'm asking this for a friend of mine, lol. /images/graemlins/blush.gif

Felicia /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

For some guys, two out of three ain't bad. The no hair on your body and inability to have kids could be seen as a turn on and as a big plus.

[BusterStacks]

[ QUOTE ]


take up a sport and join a recreational league. you'll get to meet people and get some exercise.

[/ QUOTE ]

Clearly you missed the part of my post that said "Dear Bison".

[bisonbison]

Dear Buster,

The rec league suggestion above is good, as is cruising craig's list (or your local equivalent) for social get-together type activities you might enjoy. Don't worry about feeling awkward - all these things are pretty much explicitly designed to help adults make friends.

As for going back to school - remember that most community colleges offer night classes on the cheap. Pick up a course guide and see if anything interests you - a foreign language, intro to blah blah blah, etc. It's cheap and you'll meet other people, and it's basically a one-off with no "I need to get my master's' commitment.

[sublime]

Don't worry about feeling awkward - all these things are pretty much explicitly designed to help adults make friends.

loooooooooloooooooooooooolllllllllloooooooooolllll l

[bisonbison]

loooooooooloooooooooooooolllllllllloooooooooolllll l

It's true, duders. There's a reason they're hugely popular.

[RunDownHouse]

Dear Bison,

What makes you qualified to dispense advice on everything from physiology to roto leagues?

Thanks,
RunDownHouse

[tbach24]

Don't be a hater

[bisonbison]

Dear RunDownHouse,

I put my shingle out. Anyone can do it, it just so happens that I'm an internet celebrity known for biting sarcasm and a not insignificant lack of bullsh[/i]it.

[einbert]

[ QUOTE ]
Dear Bison-

The Supreme Court wont need to do anything crazy here. I need to meet the "Moral Fitness and Character" requirements. I am free to attempt to convince either the Board of Law Examiners or a District Court that I am a good and moral person.

[ QUOTE ]
(a) No one shall be eligible for admission to the Texas Bar until the investigation of such person’s moral character and fitness has been completed, and it has been determined by the Board that such individual possesses good moral character and fitness.


[/ QUOTE ]

I guess my question here comes down to: Can I possess good moral character and fitness and still spark the occasional doobie? Does smoking weed really make me that bad a person in teh eyes of our legal system? What about hitting the bong - is that clearly out?

Thanks,
Stoned and Confused

[/ QUOTE ]

[censored] that line of thought dude.

Smoking up is the fulfillment of a completely natural human desire. No way in hell will I ever feel bad about myself for doing it, and neither should you.

And [censored] what our legal system thinks. My life choices aren't even close to being based on my country's legal system, some just happen to coincide with it.

[SpearsBritney]

Dear Bison,

You do realize this thread will never end. Excellent job though.

[willie]

dear bison

i woke up this morning with my head stapled to the carpet

i think my girlfriend's roomate did it since she was highly offended by my lacy peterson and terri schiavo jokes last night. So what should i do- strangle her into a vegetative state, or beat her semi conscious and sink her in the bay

with love

willie.

[SpearsBritney]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Dear Bison-

The Supreme Court wont need to do anything crazy here. I need to meet the "Moral Fitness and Character" requirements. I am free to attempt to convince either the Board of Law Examiners or a District Court that I am a good and moral person.

[ QUOTE ]
(a) No one shall be eligible for admission to the Texas Bar until the investigation of such person’s moral character and fitness has been completed, and it has been determined by the Board that such individual possesses good moral character and fitness.


[/ QUOTE ]

I guess my question here comes down to: Can I possess good moral character and fitness and still spark the occasional doobie? Does smoking weed really make me that bad a person in teh eyes of our legal system? What about hitting the bong - is that clearly out?

Thanks,
Stoned and Confused

[/ QUOTE ]

[censored] that line of thought dude.

Smoking up is the fulfillment of a completely natural human desire. No way in hell will I ever feel bad about myself for doing it, and neither should you.

And [censored] what our legal system thinks. My life choices aren't even close to being based on my country's legal system, some just happen to coincide with it.

[/ QUOTE ]

I like this part /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[DavidC]

[ QUOTE ]
That was some very good advice. Thank you.

[/ QUOTE ]

I've been thinking about this for a while, but then I realized how much I hated working.

[DavidC]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
That was some very good advice. Thank you.

[/ QUOTE ]

I've been thinking about this for a while, but then I realized how much I hated working.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'd say that better advice would be to take martial arts, or work out, or do something different that involves socializing rather than actually working.

--Dave.

[bisonbison]

If you're looking to re-establish order in your borderless life, a job is the easiest, most drastic way to do it. You have to get up in the morning, you can't skip...

[DavidC]

[ QUOTE ]
I am moving out of my parent's house very soon, and I don't know how to wash clothes. Should I even bother with it?

Bother with moving out of your parents' house? Yes.
Bother learning how to wash clothes? Yes.

The basics: take clothing off floor, look at tag - if it says it's not dry clean only, throw it in the hamper. When hamper is full, sort clothes (and at least once a month your sheets and towels for fu[/i]ck's sake) into two piles: whites-brights vs. dark colors. If you have enough to make it worthwhile you can also separate your whites from your brights. Each piles get washed separately. Put a washer-load of clothes (typically the washer should be 3/4 full and not heavily compacted) from any given pile, add generic liquid detergent (like Tide) in appropriate recepticle, insert quarters, press correct button (whites/brights/colors), start wash, come back in 45 minutes. Clear the drier's lint screen, move the clothes to the drier, insert quarters, start dry cycle, come back in an hour. Take clothes from dryer, put any shirt with buttons and any nice pants on clothes hangers, fold the rest, put them in appropriate clothes storage devices.

You're done.

[/ QUOTE ]

I think better advice would have been to ask your parents how to do laundry.

Jess' man, you're like two for two so far.

(with the exception that working might not be as bad as I make it out to be)

[gamblore99]

Dear Bison. I am finishing my second year of undergrad in bio psychology. I plan on going to medical school. I have only lived in toronto/hamilton my entire life and would really like to travel/volunteer abroad. I am going to volunteer in south africa this summer and am considering taking off the whole year to volunteer/travel to other places. Some friends and family think this is a bad idea. What do you think?

[ttleistdci]

Dear Bison,

As a Sox fan, I'm unsure whether or not it's a conflict of interest if I carry four (yes...four) Yankees on my fantasy team. I have A-Rod, Sheffield, Johnson, and Rivera.

ex - Wednesday the Sox and Yanks played and Mariano Rivera blew the save and the Sox went on to win. On one hand, I was excited that Rivera blew it. On the other hand, it kills my fantasy numbers when he gives up a few runs in an inning and takes the loss.

Should I try to trade most or all of them away or try to delicately balance being a Sox fan with carrying four Yankees on my team?

[twang]

Dear Bison,

I do not have any entertaining or legitimate questions at the moment. I really need some time to come up with something good. If I bump this thread the next month or so, will you still reply?

/twang

[eric5148]

Dear Bison:

My brother is getting married in Italy next month. I like my brother, and am happy for him, but I'm a lazyass and don't want to go all the way to Italy where I won't be able to play golf or poker for a week. Should I go?

Thanks,
Eric

[DavidC]

[ QUOTE ]
On to the next question. Tits or ass?

Dear Jason,

I prefer a pretty face to either, but I am definitely more of a boob man than an ass man. I don't need them real big either, but nice boobs are great.

[/ QUOTE ]

[bisonbison]

Dear Gamblore,

I can't imagine that taking a year off will do anything to negatively affect your chances of getting into grad school, med or not. Have fun. Be safe. When you get back, you'll know a lot better whether you want to go be a doctor.

[bisonbison]

Dear ttleistdci

Playoff stats don't count. That's all that matters.

[sublime]

As a Sox fan, I'm unsure whether or not it's a conflict of interest if I carry four (yes...four) Yankees on my fantasy team. I have A-Rod, Sheffield, Johnson, and Rivera.

one has nothign to do witht the other. i have bet on the NYY AND been at fenway to watch the game.

[jason_t]

[ QUOTE ]
Dear Jason,

Mischa Barton has the best features but she desperately needs to gain about 20 pounds.

[/ QUOTE ]

Dear bison,

Both statements are true. Can you think of any insanely beautiful women that need to lose about 20 pounds?

Sincerely,

Jason.

[bisonbison]

Dear Eric,

Yes you should go, unless you want to be forever subtly estranged from your new sister-in-law and her family.

Plus, it's italy.

[Ten7offsuit]

Dear Bison:

I'm really hungry right now but I have no desire to order a pizza or go out to get something to eat. What is something I could easily cook/make that tastes decent? I have basic ingredients like eggs and bread and stuff.

[gamblore99]

[ QUOTE ]
Dear Gamblore,

I can't imagine that taking a year off will do anything to negatively affect your chances of getting into grad school, med or not. Have fun. Be safe. When you get back, you'll know a lot better whether you want to go be a doctor.

[/ QUOTE ]

Dear Bison,
I am also concerned about how it will effect my social life, as I will now be graduating a year behind my friends. Is this a valid concern?

[tbach24]

fried egg sandwich...duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[bisonbison]

Dear Ten7,

Make an omelot.

[DavidC]

[ QUOTE ]
Dear Isura,

Don't be afraid to ask your dad how he shaves so fast. In fact, ask him exactly that: 'Dad, how do you shave so fast?'

By making it an expertise question instead of a hygiene one, your ephemeral but carefully forged barriers of non-communication with your dad will remain intact.

Trust me, he'll actually be happy to show you.

[/ QUOTE ]

After reading through more of the thread: the heat/light diffusion thing, and the non-communication thing are indeed brilliant.

Thank you!

--Dave.

[bisonbison]

Dear Gamblore,

It depends on you. If you're worried about that you could always take the year off after college. There's no law against it.

[The Stranger]

Should all the 2+2ers trolling the myspace POKER PLAYERS forum out themselves?

On the one hand, we risk the consequences of tapping the glass (one or two people there might become decent players in a year or so).

On the other hand it would be wildly entertaining to see how they react when they find out we've been making fun of them this whole time.

[InchoateHand]

Dear Bison,

Suppose someone had a chronic illness. He or she experience it asymptomatically, so as foolish as this is, this individual hasn't really changed his or her (mostly) unhealthy routines.

The treatment for said illness would take between 36-48 weeks, and be accompanied with major discomfort, possibly to the point of severely impacting work/graduate work. The treatment also has somewhere between a 25% and 50% effectiveness, determinable midway through the course at earliest.

In the nearterm medical horizon, it looks like there may well be new therapies.

Should this special someone,
Wait for them?
Aggressively undergo treatment now, before more damage is done?
Take time off of work/school to seek treatment?
Just seek the treatment anyway, and if the above suffers, deal with it then?
Just ignore it and maybe it'll go away?


Thanks.

[jason_t]

[ QUOTE ]
Dear Ten7,

Make an omelot.

[/ QUOTE ]

Dear bison,

What did you think of the movie Spellbound?

Sincerely,

Jason.

[razor]

[ QUOTE ]
There's no law against it.

[/ QUOTE ]

Your knowledge of Canadian law is astonishing.

[DavidC]

[ QUOTE ]
Dear Bison:

If a woman, who was never very feminine in the first place, has to get a double mastectomy, followed by a hysterectomy and loses all of her hair due to chemotheraphy, is it safe to say she is now a hemaphrodite? Or is there some other terminology for someone who has lost all traces of their "sex?"

In addition, would you consider marrying a woman like this? Even if you were in love with her? Knowing she had no breasts, knowing she could not have children and had not a hair left on her body?

Naturally, I'm asking this for a friend of mine, lol. /images/graemlins/blush.gif

Felicia /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm sorry to hear about this. With Chemo, you regrow your hair eventually, right? I certainly wouldn't use the term hermaphrodite, as she's still got her vagina, just no uterus, and hermaphrodite has some pretty negative connotations.

I've heard that if they're not careful during a hysterectomy they can sever nerves that lead to the inner vagina, leading to a loss of stimulation during sex... and so you should be informed when talking to your doctor about the risk of this and what they can do to avoid it if anything.

I'm pretty optimistic about these things. I'd say that if the people are currently involved and they love eachother, then it should be something that they can get through.

I hope everything works out okay.

--Dave.

[Blarg]

[ QUOTE ]
loooooooooloooooooooooooolllllllllloooooooooolllll l

It's true, duders. There's a reason they're hugely popular.

[/ QUOTE ]

My experience with multiple night school programs is that they're mostly older people extremely busy with their lives and often very tired. They work a full day, slam some junk food into their face while traffic jamming it over to school, run to hit their class in time, and by 9 or 10 a night when the class is over, they're burnt out and still haven't had a moment's peace or maybe pleasure all day.

They don't hang around and chat or anything; they sprint out of class ASAP and try to do whatever they can in the hour or three they have before sleeping, to try to do their coursework and take care of everything in their life that really matters.

Going to school in the daytime is vastly more social than at night. Night school is all business and deadly serious. You've got adults who are there for a purpose and then gone, not kids who are having daddy pay their way through life and have tons of time to burn to hang around and meet and try to date new people.

That's if you're in a program, anyway. Maybe it's different if you're just taking classes in Chinese cooking or pottery or something.

[bisonbison]

Dear Inchoate,

Assuming that the disease involves continuing physical damage, and that you're already experiencing some deterioration from normal, I'm heavily inclined toward treatment. The fact is, you may not know when the effects of the illness will shift for you from manageable to life-impacting, and, giving this advice, I'd rather err on the side of caution, taking the time off and dealing with problems as they come up.

I'll also say that new therapies are rarely delivered on time.

However, understand that I'm talking out my ass here, and that your best course of action would be to get a second opinion from a specialist at an institution where you would not be receiving treatment.

[chesspain]

[ QUOTE ]
Try leaving the house.

Yes, that would be an example of the concise, well-reasoned advice I'll be giving.

[/ QUOTE ]

And he stole it from me, to boot.

[bisonbison]

I was really referring to rec leagues and social lists and stuff.

[DavidC]

[ QUOTE ]
If you're looking to re-establish order in your borderless life, a job is the easiest, most drastic way to do it. You have to get up in the morning, you can't skip...

[/ QUOTE ]

Damnit.

You make a good point.

I only manage to get to karate about once to twice a week, rather than 3-4 times, because of the lack of urgency about it.

(I've recently gotten into it because over the years I've lost my ability to concentrate, rather than for exercise / self-defense.)

[SpearsBritney]

Dear Bison,

How the hell do you read/type so fast?

[bisonbison]

What did you think of the movie Spellbound?

Dear Jason,

Assuming you're talking about the Spelling bee movie - it's terrifying what a little autism and a little hyperinvolved parenting can accomplish.

These intellectual beauty pageants for kids suck.

[mmbt0ne]

bison,

Why is DavidC trying to steal your routine, and in your own thread no less?

Heart,
mmbt0ne

[bisonbison]

Dear Britney,

We all have different gifts. I happen to be a born multitasker.

[InchoateHand]

Thanks boss.

[SpearsBritney]

[ QUOTE ]
Dear Britney,

We all have different gifts. I happen to be a born multitasker.

[/ QUOTE ]

I can juggle.

(P.S. Britney's my girlfriend's name. /images/graemlins/grin.gif)

[eric5148]

Another question Bison:

Is it better to get your teeth whitened or just lay out in the sun and get a tan so that it will make your teeth look whiter in comparison?

[bisonbison]

Dear Eric,

I'd go for a little of column A and a little of column B. I still haven't gotten my teeth whitened, cause I still haven't quit smoking.

[SpearsBritney]

Dear Bison,

It guess you could say you're multipostering

http://img214.echo.cx/img214/9339/laughing6406di2gd.jpg (http://www.imageshack.us)

[sublime]

I still haven't gotten my teeth whitened, cause I still haven't quit smoking.

i have like perfect teeth. didnt think that the crest whitening strips would help much, but they did. get a thumbs up from me /images/graemlins/smile.gif also invest in a sonic care elite toothbrush. best money you can spend on your chops.

dude, quit smoking tomorrow. i am going to give up 'bad' foods tomorrow also. we could do it togther /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[bisonbison]

I quit for 2 weeks before I started at google. Then I got there and 6 other people in my group smoke.

Someday.

[sublime]

Then I got there and 6 other people in my group smoke.

well i am damn glad they are not into sucking cock.

[jason_t]

Dear bison,

On to some practical questions. I love Sierra Nevada and Johnnie Walker Black. Some nights, I have tremendous difficultly resolving the problem of which to drink. Creative suggestions?

Sincerely,

Jason.

[razor]

[ QUOTE ]
dude, quit smoking tomorrow.

[/ QUOTE ]

[jason_t]

[ QUOTE ]
Then I got there and 6 other people in my group smoke.

well i am damn glad they are not into sucking cock.

[/ QUOTE ]

Who said they aren't? bison was well aware of the difficulties of giving a handjob through briefs.

[bisonbison]

well i am damn glad they are not into sucking cock.

Despite efforts to the contrary, no one has ever proven that cocks contain nicotine.

[eric5148]

Thanks, another one Bison:

I'm a member of an organization that's morally opposed to protesting. The problem is, we don't have a way to express our opinion. Any ideas?

[TimM]

[ QUOTE ]
would you consider marrying a woman like this?

[/ QUOTE ]

Dear Bison,

Is this the first online marriage proposal you have received? From a woman I mean.

[bisonbison]

Dear Jason,

The only drink I have ever invented involves 3 scoops of tang, 12 ounces of cola and however much liquor you want to top it off with. It's called the Black Orangutang, and it is ambrosia.

[mmbt0ne]

SQR(bison),

Do you hate me? Link (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showflat.php?Cat=&Board=exchange&Number=2120065&Fo rum=,All_Forums,&Words=&Searchpage=0&Limit=25&Main =2118638&Search=true&where=&Name=15519&daterange=& newerval=&newertype=&olderval=&oldertype=&bodyprev =#Post2120065)

Heart,
mmbt0ne

[JDErickson]

[ QUOTE ]
Dear Felicia,

I don't subscribe to an additive theory of gender. My mother had a hysterectomy, and is still a woman. One of her friends had a double-mastectomy and is still a woman. And I don't see how a woman who had undergone both procedures, however invasive and destructive of the body she once knew, and the sense of femininity she felt resided in her breasts and uterus and hair, would be less of a woman for it.

Now, I don't know what it would be like to be in love with a woman who'd gone through that, but I certainly think I could be in love with her.

Some men wouldn't, but, honestly, if we accept who we are, we look for people who accept us as we are, and everyone else can pretty much go [censored] themselves.

[/ QUOTE ]

Just wanted to say, this is one of the most profound statements I have heard for quite a while.

Bison For President

[A_C_Slater]

Dear Bison,

I have a two part question.


1. Is that a Tigers hat you're wearing or is it Boston?

2. Will the next pope be the Anti-Christ?

[yoshi_yoshi]

Dear bisonbison,

Serious question, and nobody around here seems to know: About a week ago I accidentally put two packets of cream cheese along with some other groceries into the freezer. Now it's frozen solid, and I don't want to take it out before I know what to do with it.

How do I thaw the cheese in a proper manner? I am lost because I've done this with yogurt before, and when I put the yogurt back in the fridge, it became all chunky and watery.

Thanks,
John

[bisonbison]

Dear Tim,

Well, one it's not a proposal, but if it were it would be a first. One time on the SA forums some girl I had never heard of PMed me that I made good moderate-liberal sense and wanted to chat, but that was just kinda wierd.

Sup ladies.

[einbert]

[ QUOTE ]
Dear bisonbison,

Serious question, and nobody around here seems to know: About a week ago I accidentally put two packets of cream cheese along with some other groceries into the freezer. Now it's frozen solid, and I don't want to take it out before I know what to do with it.

How do I thaw the cheese in a proper manner? I am lost because I've done this with yogurt before, and when I put the yogurt back in the fridge, it became all chunky and watery.

Thanks,
John

[/ QUOTE ]

Damn if bison knows [censored] like this I'm going to be seriously impressed.

[bisonbison]

Dear AC,

1. Tigers.
2. No.

[jason_t]

[ QUOTE ]
Dear Jason,

The only drink I have ever invented involves 3 scoops of tang, 12 ounces of cola and however much liquor you want to top it off with. It's called the Black Orangutang, and it is ambrosia.

[/ QUOTE ]

Dear bison,

Your vocabulary is incredibly impressive. Do you know of a word whose pronounciation changes when you capitalize its first letter?

Sincerely,

Jason.

[bisonbison]

Dear Yoshi,

If I remember correctly, the problem with frozen dairy products (if they're partially liquid) is that the lipids and the water seperate out in the freezing process, ruining the consistency. I think you can fix it by thawing it in the fridge and then blending it.

[MarkL444]

[ QUOTE ]
1. Tigers.

[/ QUOTE ]

you just moved up a notch in my book, buddy. i always thought it was Boston.

[bisonbison]

Dear Jason,

nothing's popping to mind. Oddly, I have a great memory for trivia, but I can't remember jokes, riddles or brain teasers like that.

[jason_t]

[ QUOTE ]
Dear Jason,

nothing's popping to mind. Oddly, I have a great memory for trivia, but I can't remember jokes, riddles or brain teasers like that.

[/ QUOTE ]

Dear bison,

I'll leave you to ponder on the (I believe unique) answer; solving a puzzle is very satisfying. What is your favorite puzzle?

Sincerely,

Jason.

[bisonbison]

I wear a size 8 hat, and when I finally found a place that sold that size online I looked through all the caps and decided that the Tigers hat was a nice, relatively obscure choice (they'd just lost 119 games). I'm an A's/Sox fan, but I root for the Tigers cause I don't have an AL central team and also because of pity.

[jason_t]

[ QUOTE ]
I wear a size 8 hat, and when I finally found a place that sold that size online I looked through all the caps and decided that the Tigers hat was a nice, relatively obscure choice (they'd just lost 119 games). I'm an A's/Sox fan, but I root for the Tigers cause I don't have an AL central team and also because of pity.

[/ QUOTE ]

Dear bison,

What did you do in 1975 (if alive), 1988, 1990 and 2003 if you are both an A's and a Red Sox fan?

Sincerely,

Jason.

[bisonbison]

I didn't start rooting for the sox til 96 when I left for school in MA. I root for the A's when they're heads-up.

[wacki]

Dear bison bison,

I love your sense of humor, but this thread is making me wonder. What should I use, 308 sniper rifle or 12 guage shotgun? I'm holding both right now.

Your biggest fan,

wacki

[MarkL444]

Dear Bison:

Lately I have been having this strong attraction to another man. He is very funny and clever and is always trying to help other people. Problem is, I have never actually met this man in person and he lives far away. Would you suggest stalking him until I know for sure that it is true love, or just showing up at his door to confess my feelings?

Mark

PS- He also has good taste in hats.

[Blarg]

eh heh heh

[[censored]]

Dear Bison,

I am having second thoughts about Ms.OOT season 2. There seems to have been a backlash of tournament polls lately. Should I call it off completely or just delay it for a while. I know there are a few who hate it but there are also more who seem to really enjoy the whole thing.

Also how can I get myself to play more poker during the week.

[Chairman Wood]

Dear Bison,
My Girlfriend of more than a year just got into Med school. The thing is that she is going to be moving away cross country. I have no ambition to move there with her. In fact I have no ambition to do anything. I also have done the long distance thing before and it almost led to my destruction. She doesn't leave until late July. One thing to note is that if we were together years from now and I was ready for this sort of thing she is someone I would like to marry. However, I see the time period from then until she leaves in July as possibly just being a big waste. What should I do?
With love,
Chairman Wood

[SpearsBritney]

Dear Bison,

Does anything really matter?

[bisonbison]

Dear [censored],

I'm one of those people who doesn't really like it. If I wanted to feel like I was surrounded by hundreds of guys who are constantly jerking off, I would teach high school.

As for poker, um, why do you want to play more poker?

[[censored]]

Dear Bison,

I play for a living and when I play I make far more than I ever did as a CPA. However I seem to have fallen into a rut of basically playing enough to pay bills and basic entertainment. This results in not increasing my bankroll or buying really cool things like cars or plane tickets.

[bisonbison]

Dear Chairman,

There are a few things here: you're feeling crappy and you don't know what you're doing.

You've been through the long distance thing before and it was terrible for you.

You love this girl but right now you're feeling crappy and you can't muster hope for this thing cause it sucked before and because you don't know what the hell you're doing. And the fact that you feel crappy feeds on all this and makes you feel worse.

But there's a difference between having no ambition to do something and not wanting to do something.

Just a couple of questions and then any info on what you're doing now or want to be doing now would be nice.

Would she like you to come with her or is she not interested in that? Has she asked you?

[bobdibble]

[/ QUOTE ] and at least once a month your sheets and towels for fu[/i]ck's sake

[/ QUOTE ]

Thank you for this sage advice bison. With it, I finally learned how to bypass the fu[/i]cking [censor]

[bisonbison]

Does anything really matter?

Dear Britney,

Yes.

[DavidC]

[ QUOTE ]
bison,

Why is DavidC trying to steal your routine, and in your own thread no less?

Heart,
mmbt0ne

[/ QUOTE ]

Too much time, not enough motivation to play.

Need to relax.

This thread rocks, but I'll stop trying to steal the thread.

[toman8r]

Dear Bison,
Where should I go to school? I got into UCSB, UCSD, and UCB.
Ted

[pokerjo22]

Dear Bison:

I usually go for a squared-off french manicure, but I was thinking of switching to oval - should I?

Which mascara is better, XXL or Lash Lift?

What should I wear today?

Is my ass too big?

Thanks in advance.

[jason_t]

[ QUOTE ]
Dear Isura,

Don't be afraid to ask your dad how he shaves so fast. In fact, ask him exactly that: 'Dad, how do you shave so fast?'

By making it an expertise question instead of a hygiene one, your ephemeral but carefully forged barriers of non-communication with your dad will remain intact.

Trust me, he'll actually be happy to show you.

[/ QUOTE ]

Dear bison,

Another shaving question. The hair on the back of my lower neck grows too fast and I have to shave it more frequently than I get haircuts. Because my girlfriend-of-two-years became an ex-girlfriend I have to do this on my own and have not discovered a satisfactory way to do this. Ideas?

Sincerely,

Jason.

[jason_t]

Dear bison,

We haven't dicussed music enough in this thread, if at all. Crosby, Stills and Nash or Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young?

Sincerely,

Jason.

[DavidC]

[ QUOTE ]
Dear AC,

1. Tigers.
2. No.

[/ QUOTE ]

Dear Bison,

Regarding your confident stance that the next Pope will not be the AntiChrist, how can you be sure?

Sincerely,
Dave.

[bisonbison]

Dear Bison,
Where should I go to school? I got into UCSB, UCSD, and UCB.
Ted

Dear Ted,

I'm sure they're all fine schools. I have no idea. This decision is neither important or trivial enough for a perfect stranger to decide.

[InchoateHand]

That's the heart of these responses---the most, and least, important questions are best answered by the American Buffalo. I mean, look at their facial hair, they just look [censored] wise.

[bisonbison]

Dear Jo,

Switching to oval? The best nail shape for you is really gonna depend on the shape of your hands. Would I pick out a necklace for you without seeing your neckline?

In general, the more slender your fingers the more flattering an oval shape is going to be.

XXL or Lash Lift? I flipped a coin and it came up tails. Whatever that means.

What should I wear today? It's Sunday and I think you're on the east coast, if you haven't figured it out by now, why change out of sleep pants and t-shirt?

Is my ass too big? For what?

[bisonbison]

Dear Jason,

Just buy a beard trimmer at Target or the like. It'll keep you from looking like a neckbeast.

[Chairman Wood]

[ QUOTE ]
Dear Chairman,

There are a few things here: you're feeling crappy and you don't know what you're doing.

You've been through the long distance thing before and it was terrible for you.

You love this girl but right now you're feeling crappy and you can't muster hope for this thing cause it sucked before and because you don't know what the hell you're doing. And the fact that you feel crappy feeds on all this and makes you feel worse.

But there's a difference between having no ambition to do something and not wanting to do something.

Just a couple of questions and then any info on what you're doing now or want to be doing now would be nice.

Would she like you to come with her or is she not interested in that? Has she asked you?

[/ QUOTE ]

Dear Bison,
I have a feeling that she would like me to come with her. She will either ask me, or I believe what is most probable, not ask because she doesn't want to pressure me but still probably really want me to move there with her.
I am finishing a degree in physics at U of Michigan. I always thought I wanted to do physics, go to grad school but these last two years have me really looking in other directions. I have no idea what I would like to be doing. However, recently, I was traveling and met someone who works for the state department. We have become friends and she lives near me. She, to be brief, helps develop foreign policy within SE Asia. That really facinated me. Although it seems some kind of "what I want to do this week" thing, too be honest, that is the only thing that strikes a cord as being remotely interesting right now. Any other questions?
With love,
Chairman Wood

[pokerjo22]

And how can Express Editor pants, be the 'best fitting pants in America', and Victoria Secret's Christie pants also be the 'best fitting pants in America'? And which should I buy? /images/graemlins/confused.gif

[jason_t]

[ QUOTE ]
And how can Express Editor pants, be the 'best fitting pants in America', and Victoria Secret's Christie pants also be the 'best fitting pants in America'? And which should I buy? /images/graemlins/confused.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

Dear bison,

I am concluding from pokerjo22's shopping locations that she is incredibly hot. Is this wrong?

Sincerely,

Jason.

[thirddan]

you should buy whichever you think makes your ass look better...

[Dead]

Dear Bison,

Why is it that, every time I talk to Jason_T, I feel like I am talking to Mischa Barton?

[bisonbison]

Dear Chairman,

If I were you, I'd start the test/interview process for the State department. It'll give you something interesting to do and if you get an offer you can always say no.

As I was trying to express in the Dear Bison Bison thread, you don't fall in love with a woman all at once - you fall in love over and over again with different women for tiny moments and then one time it endures and it snowballs.

It's the same way with work you might be interested in. Most everything starts as 'What I want to do this week,' but you can only peg it as a longterm thing by spending two weeks on it, then three if you still care, then four.

Find something for yourself to think about doing in August, then see how you feel about what that means for you and your girl. Then do what makes you happy.

[Boris]

Given your son's demeanor and your family history, I would strongly consider one visit to a psychiatrist for your son.

[Dead]

[ QUOTE ]
Is my ass too big?

[/ QUOTE ]

The answer to this question is almost always yes.

[bisonbison]

Dear Jo,

There are at least two World's Greatest Dad mugs out there too.

If the stores have return policies that give you more than store credit, buy both and return the worse one.

[Boris]

Bison you are one smart MF. I hope you can help me here. I need new blinds for my apartment. Right now I have white levolor blinds. I think they're ugly and my mom broke the blinds in the kitchen so now I have no privacy in that room. Please help me. I would like something stylish and functional.

[Chairman Wood]

Dear Bison,
Thank you so much for your advice and time. What are your thoughts about splitting now, in order for us to move on and also just not waste time?
Happy Birthday,
Chairman Wood

[bisonbison]

Given your son's demeanor and your family history, I would strongly consider one visit to a psychiatrist for your son.

Yeah, but I think if the pastor's reasonable then the pastor can be the one to steer him there. Newly born-agains tend to be very skeptical of therapy.

[bisonbison]

Dear Jason,

I think you're concluding that Jo is hot because she used to have a picture of herself as her avatar and she was pretty cute.

[eric5148]

Bison,

Will Tiger hang on and win the Masters?

[tbach24]

Dear Bison,

I went to school with Barry Bonds's son last year. Would it be inappropriate for me to send him an e-mail with links to a bunch of his dad's steroid controversies in it? I've been thinking about it for a while but have been unable to pull the trigger.

[bisonbison]

Dear Boris,

Blinds are functional, but really, I'd too much info to help. You're in the non-man's land of helpability.

[bisonbison]

Dear tbach,

Of course it's inappropriate. You think he doesn't think and hear about it every day already? Don't be a dick.

[Dead]

Bison, what is that logo on your hat? Red Sox or Tigers?

[FeliciaLee]

You know, when I posted my question, I was just screwing around. Of course I know I'm not going to be a hemaphrodite! I'm still going to be every bit of a woman as I ever was (of course, I've never been a very "feminine" woman, but whatever).

I was just trying to get a chuckle, but the responses were very sensitive and caring. Thanks, guys.

My husband is actually a great support, and is always there for me. I guess the joke just kind of backfired, but I was really touched to read the responses.

2+2er's really are the greatest.

Felicia /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[Dead]

I think that you are a very pretty woman, FWIW.

[jason_t]

[ QUOTE ]
Bison, what is that logo on your hat? Red Sox or Tigers?

[/ QUOTE ]

Done (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=&Number=2120301&page=0&view=c ollapsed&sb=5&o=14&vc=1).

[bisonbison]

Dear Chairman,

What's the hurry?

[bisonbison]

Felicia, I only make double-mastectomy jokes on weekdays.

[Dead]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Bison, what is that logo on your hat? Red Sox or Tigers?

[/ QUOTE ]

Done (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=&Number=2120301&page=0&view=c ollapsed&sb=5&o=14&vc=1).

[/ QUOTE ]

Thank god.

I would have to hate Bison if it was a Sox hat. /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[jason_t]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Bison, what is that logo on your hat? Red Sox or Tigers?

[/ QUOTE ]

Done (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=&Number=2120301&page=0&view=c ollapsed&sb=5&o=14&vc=1).

[/ QUOTE ]

Thank god.

I would have to hate Bison if it was a Sox hat. /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

You should read that subthread more deeply.

[Dead]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Bison, what is that logo on your hat? Red Sox or Tigers?

[/ QUOTE ]

Done (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=&Number=2120301&page=0&view=c ollapsed&sb=5&o=14&vc=1).

[/ QUOTE ]

Thank god.

I would have to hate Bison if it was a Sox hat. /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

You should read that subthread more deeply.

[/ QUOTE ]

[ QUOTE ]
I'm an A's/Sox fan

[/ QUOTE ]

Nooooooooooooo. /images/graemlins/frown.gif I can respect the A's but not the Sox. /images/graemlins/wink.gif

[bisonbison]

Dear Dead,

No one cares.

[Dead]

Dear Bison,

I love you.

Thanks
Dead

[jason_t]

[ QUOTE ]
Dear Bison,

I love you.

Thanks
Dead

[/ QUOTE ]

Dear Dead,

Jcardshark hates you.

Sincerely,

Jason.

[zoomOut]

[ QUOTE ]

...and as far as parenting themes go: 'I'm here for you when you need me.' and 'I want you to be happy and healthy, wherever that leads you.' aren't bad things to hold on to.



[/ QUOTE ]

Dear bison

Just wanted to say thank you for your thoughtful reply and the fact that you took the time to respond at all. As strange as it may sound, I was feeling rather depressed over this situation. The fact that you did not mock me or my son meant a lot to me. I will definitely consider your advice.

[PoBoy321]

Dear Bison,

I have 1599 posts, so I'm just one short of becoming a Pooh-Bah. Can I post in your thread to get that lofty status?

[cockandbull]

Dear Bison,

McVities caramel digestives or the regular type with my tea today?

Harry

[GrekeHaus]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Dear Bison,

I love you.

Thanks
Dead

[/ QUOTE ]

Dear Dead,

Jcardshark hates you.

Sincerely,

Jason.

[/ QUOTE ]

Dear Jason,

Jcardshark hates everything.
Sincerely,
Greek.

[A_C_Slater]

Dear bison,

If you lived in an Orwellian police state and they ended up taking you to room 101 due to your unorthodox behavior, what would be awaiting you there?



And oh yea, Detroit What!

[Klepton]

[ QUOTE ]

Dear Bison,
Where should I go to school? I got into UCSB, UCSD, and UCB.
Ted


[/ QUOTE ]

depends what atmosphere you like

UCB - urban city, hippies, many asians
UCSD - supposedly there are never any parties there
UCSB - beach atmosphere, hot slutty girls, more beer than ever

i got o UCSB, it's the best

[Ten7offsuit]

Dear Bison:

I'm starting my first "real" job tomorrow, doing office work for a property management company. I have no idea what I'm doing, do you have any advice? Also, I'm supposed to dress semi-formal (nice khakis, dress shirt) and I don't know what kind of shoes I'm supposed to wear, what would you suggest?

[bholdr]

dear bison,

"Besides, it's less cramped to get a handjob in boxers, cause your penis can get through the hole in boxers without the need for judo. "

I've always felt that handjobs were for guys that can't get blowjobs. i cannot cum from a handjob (unless i'm flying solo, of course), How can i learn to enjoy these? MY GF loves to give them, but i hate to recieve. oils? porno? help! btw, i wear boxers even though i look good in breifs- it's important to keep the boys at a temp below body temperature for the 'ol sperm count, you know. i am anti-breifs.

[bisonbison]

Dear T7,

Not sneakers. Doc Martens or other similar leather shoes should be fine.

[DeezNuts]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

Dear Bison,
Where should I go to school? I got into UCSB, UCSD, and UCB.
Ted


[/ QUOTE ]

depends what atmosphere you like

UCB - urban city, hippies, many asians
UCSD - supposedly there are never any parties there
UCSB - beach atmosphere, hot slutty girls, more beer than ever

i got o UCSB, it's the best

[/ QUOTE ]

Very true in terms of party-atmosphere, but after grad and looking for jobs UCSB is wayyyyyyy behind Berkeley, which has some of the top undergrad programs in the nation. Berkeley has its own little charm that people either hate or love and is liberal but still very diverse. UCSD is the worst of both worlds, not that good academically and extremely poor socially.

DN

Cal c/o '99

[bisonbison]

Dear bholder,

A lot of girls prefer to give handjobs because it's less tiring and they get to kiss you and it's easier for you to reciprocate at the time, so it ends up being more personal and fun for them.

Um. As for enjoying it. Try some lotion, and stop abusing yourself in your spare time.

[Lawrence Ng]

[ QUOTE ]
masturbatory

[/ QUOTE ]

Is this even a word?

Lawrence

[jason_t]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
masturbatory

[/ QUOTE ]

Is this even a word?

Lawrence

[/ QUOTE ]

Yes (http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=masturbatory).

[bholdr]

dear bison:

i was half-joking, but you took me seriously and gave some insightful advice that is helpful anyway. thanks.


"and stop abusing yourself in your spare time"

if you're advocating a no-whacking-off policy, sry, no dice.

[chabibi]

Dear bison,
I have a serious marijuana addiction (about an ounce a week). i get good grades and make a lot of money playing poker and am physically fit. my parents have been bugging me to quite or at least cut back. however, other than health affects later on, weed has not negatively influenced my life and i really like it.

should i listen to them?

[Dead]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Dear Bison,

I love you.

Thanks
Dead

[/ QUOTE ]

Dear Dead,

Jcardshark hates you.

Sincerely,

Jason.

[/ QUOTE ]

Dear Jason_T,

I love Jcardshark too. He can't help it that he's retarded.

Best wishes,
Dead

[Dubra]

dear bisonbison,

i get grumpy when i have a bad poker session. i mix it up between limit and NL (which helps when the other is going bad). but obviously we all have bad days with suckouts etc. how can maintain my usual pleasant disposition on these less successful days?