Favorite poker quotes

[the shadow]

Some are useful, some are funny (at least to me /images/graemlins/smile.gif), all are about poker:

"Don't go broke in an unraised pot." Doyle Brunson

"If you limp with aces, you should never get broke with aces, but it happens all the time." T.J. Cloutier

"The key to No-Limit is to put my opponent to a decision for all his chips." Doyle Brunson

"To master poker and make it profitable, you must first master patience and discipline, as a lack of either is a sure disaster regardless of all other talents, or lucky streaks." Freddie Gasperian

"The single greatest key to winning is knowing thy enemy — yourself." Andy Glazer

"They say poker is a zero-sum game. It must be, because every time I play my sum ends up zero." Max Shapiro

"River quads" Lori

"Besides lovemaking and singing in the shower, there aren’t many human activities where there is a greater difference between a person’s self-delusional ability and actual ability than in poker." Steve Badger

"Poker is not a game of cards played with people, it's a game of people played with cards." Ken Warren

"Short-handed poker's no longer about what you have, but what your opponent DOESN'T have." ???

"Better to be weak-tight than strong-broke." Tommy Angelo

"No set, no bet." ???

"If you get a set beaten and you don't lose a lot of chips, you didn't play it right." Lee Jones

"The brown trout sleeps in the closet." Joe Tall

Got any others you like?

The Shadow

[yanicehand]

"see kid, the reason why suited connectors and suited one gappers are so good is that they flop two pair SO often."

regular guy at my casino, and he is very serious.

if u don't believe me:

"see? learn from your elders."
-same guy, this time after dragging a 400$ pot with 57s that cracked my AKs. when I pointed out that my hand was, in fact, a suited connector as well, he proceeded to mumble to himself and take a long, satisfying swig of his corona.

perhaps I should start attributing "two pair value" to my one gappers like I attribute "set value" to my pps.

[Apathy]

"poker is easy" (my favourite after sucking out...)

"I knew, I knew" (my second favourite)

[microbet]

T.J. Cloutier also said something like

"The right way to play JJ is to raise before the flop and to fold after it."

[TheUsher]

ni han sir!

[Slim Pickens]

"He call me with JACK HIGH!" -- Ellix Powers

[Maulik]

[ QUOTE ]
"He call me with JACK HIGH!" -- Ellix Powers

[/ QUOTE ]

Ellix Powers is the penny player and he's awesome. That is all.

[gasgod]

I am almost embarrassed to offer:

"But I was suited!"


GG

[Slim Pickens]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
"He call me with JACK HIGH!" -- Ellix Powers

[/ QUOTE ]

Ellix Powers is the penny player and he's awesome. That is all.

[/ QUOTE ]

If only there were a way to capture his inflection in print. The quote is only good if you've heard it. Maybe it's better this way:

"He call wit a jack high! JACK HIGH!" -- Ellix Powers

[networkman]

Devilfish cracks me up...

Player X: "What did you have?"
Devilfish: "I'll tell you for $25..."
<pause>
Devilfish: "I'll tell you the truth for $50"

[Slim Pickens]

I wish I could remember the exact quote, but I think it went down something like this. Some WPT event, two players go all-in preflop, turn over JJ vs AK or something similar.

"This looks like another coin race." -- Vince van Patton

followed by the barely audible sound of Mike Sexton's soul dying just a little bit more.

[yeau2]

Yea...but it was good. Was it not? So it was a great call.

[yeau2]

"Hold'em is to stud what chess is to checkers" - Johnny Moss

"It's hard work. Gambling. Playing poker. Don't let anyone tell you different. Think about what it's like sitting at a poker table with people whose only goal is to cut your throat, take your money, and leave you out back talking to yourself about what went wrong inside. That probably sounds harsh. But that's the way it is at the poker table. If you don't believe me, then you're the lamb that's going off to the slaughter." -- Stu Unger

"You call...gonna be all over, baby." -- Scotty Nguyen (He said this in '98 when he had the nuts heads up)

"Ship it" - I'd like to say me

"Ever heard of a place called antartica? Let me tell you about 52 off suit" - Me

[ilya]

"What happened in the actual hand from which this problem was taken? The player with the aces called, and his opponent showed trip nines, and won the pot."

-- Dan Harrington

[ACW]

From one of the WPT events :

Mike Sexton : "What on earth are you talking about?"
Vince Van Patten : "I've no idea!"

From the 2003 WSOP :

Chris Moneymaker : "Is it me? I'm sorry, I didn't even realise I was in the hand!"

Another favourite, everytime :

Phil Hellmuth : "Nice hand"

[lorinda]

Heard in my local casino, I never established whether it was original or not.

Known big fish: You are the worst dealer on the planet.
Dealer: Sir, that would be impossible
Fish: Why?
Dealer: It would be too much of a coincidence.

Lori

[skipperbob]

"You picked the Wrong Cowboy"...SkipperBob
"CockTails!".....SkipperBob
"I'm your Huckelberry"...Doc Holiday

[Michael C.]

I heard one in a 109 SNG just five minutes ago that I thought was pretty funny. We were down to four and big blind called for all her chips with J 8 off-suit, in a position that made no sense with another player about to go out soon. And after she won the pot (button had 9-10) that player said "nice hand." Her response: "Thank you. He was going in on too many hands."

[Madd]

http://www.tommyangelo.com/tommyisms.html

[Rolen]

'I value call my nuts'

[hackle]

"Like all variations of poker, no-limit hold'em looks like a card game. But it's not, really. No-limit hold'em is actually a game of wagering based on imperfect information that uses cards to construct the situations for wagering." - Harrington/Robertie

"The sucker at the table is usually the guy using the most Rounders quotes." - Unknown

[Irieguy]

"Everybody should gamble every day. Nothing would be worse than to be lucky and not even know it."

Robert "Chip Burner" Turner

[Irieguy]

I learned more about poker from hearing this single quote, than I did from hearing or reading any other phrase:

"I CALL YOU!"

-Hon Le (as he called a $1,000,000 preflop bet with Jack high)

[Apathy]

[ QUOTE ]
I learned more about poker from hearing this single quote, than I did from hearing or reading any other phrase:

"I CALL YOU!"

-Hon Le (as he called a $1,000,000 preflop bet with Jack high)

[/ QUOTE ]

Ok ill bite...where is this from, and care to elaborate on what you learned from it?

[Irieguy]

It was on TV, of course. And what I learned was Maslow's original hierarchy of needs. You should be able to search for my thread by keywording "+maslow's +hierarchy of +needs" and find the full discussion.

Irieguy

[skipperbob]

The need to call is after food, but before shelter; in my case a close second to alcohol

[skipperbob]

"I've been thrown outa better places than this"...SkipperBob upon getting ejected from the Palace Court at Ceasar's

[skipperbob]

"I've burned-down better places than this" - SkipperBob upon getting ejected from the Mustang Bridge Ranch in Sparks, Nv.

[The Yugoslavian]

[ QUOTE ]
It was on TV, of course. And what I learned was Maslow's original hierarchy of needs. You should be able to search for my thread by keywording "+maslow's +hierarchy of +needs" and find the full discussion.

Irieguy

[/ QUOTE ]

The thing is, this ends up being funny and insightful. Although I'd wager too many miss the insight...

Instaclassic (http://archiveserver.twoplustwo.com/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=1080351&page=&view=&sb=5& o=&fpart=all&vc=1)

I'd also recommend this for Shadows links dealio, but frankly, I already mentioned how I'd kill myself if I did that.....so, I don't recommend this.

Yugoslav

[Stretch002]

"I am an eagle"

"If it weren't for luck I'd win every hand"

-Phil Helmuth

Phil is such a moron sometimes...but it's like trying to pull my attention away from an accident on the freeway...I just have to look!

[cianosheehan]

[ QUOTE ]
"Hold'em is to stud what chess is to checkers" - Johnny Moss"?

[/ QUOTE ]

Was it not "No limit is to limit what chess is to checkers

[Pokerscott]

My favorite is a quote from my poker buddy.

situation:

Sitting in the BB with 22. Someone goes all in, and you have pot odds to call.

Opponent: "How can you call with 22?!?"
Hero: "I thought you were bluffing"

Pokerscott

[Scuba Chuck]

attributed to hhughes (2+2 poster)

This is a general quote attributed to Phil Gordon...as I heard it someone at a table was berating a player for making an big mistake but still ending up winning the pot from the berater...Gordon was rumored to say

"Dont tap the aquarium"

Not sure if this is a totally accurate account of what took place...but still one of my favorite quotes...

Now if I could just find out who that guy was that was berating me...

[Bigwig]

"You put your chips in the pot James Bond style. Shaken--not stirred."

--Me

[etgryphon]

Yeah Scuba...

The other one like that is:

"Don't throw rocks in the pond."

I love that one. I get chuckles everytime I use that one.

-Gryph

[Barcalounger]

After you bet into a pot and the villian agonizes for 19 of the 20 seconds before laying them down.

"Good fold."

[DrPhysic]

My most recent favorite poker quote occured on the chat line of the 2+2 Atlantic game last night. Hyde (dr. jekyl) said:

dr. jekyl: to tilt
dr. jekyl: or not to tilt
Dealer: dr. jekyl folds
.....
dr. jekyl: yet


Best line of the year.

Doc /images/graemlins/cool.gif /images/graemlins/smile.gif /images/graemlins/smile.gif /images/graemlins/laugh.gif /images/graemlins/laugh.gif /images/graemlins/laugh.gif

[EddieMoney22]

another phil quote

"Sometimes I play to good for own good"

[Apathy]

"I estimate my opponents are utilizing technology in this manner in about 4% of the hands I play. Therefore, I slowplay 4% of my big hands, just in case they are busy eating or relieving themselves."

"(I'm not afraid to give away this secret because I randomize the 4% with a cool program eastbay wrote for me... making it impossible to counter even if you know how often I slowplay.)"

I laughed out loud at both of these, funny thread thanks irie.

[The Student]

[ QUOTE ]


"If it weren't for luck I'd win every hand"

-Phil Helmuth



[/ QUOTE ]

Or his other one about tournies, "If it weren't for luck, I guess I'd win every one."

Both are priceless in my opinion. You have PH saying those lines over shots of him doing yoga before a tourney (I thin it was in one of the WSOP events on ESPN) and I laugh so hard I have to change my shorts.

ts-

[hackle]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]


"If it weren't for luck I'd win every hand"

-Phil Helmuth



[/ QUOTE ]

Or his other one about tournies, "If it weren't for luck, I guess I'd win every one."

Both are priceless in my opinion. You have PH saying those lines over shots of him doing yoga before a tourney (I thin it was in one of the WSOP events on ESPN) and I laugh so hard I have to change my shorts.

ts-

[/ QUOTE ]

Wasn't this the one where he went HU against Annie Duke? As much as I dislike her, it was great to watch her mess with his head. During one of the little vignettes they do, they made him watch snippets of his fits on a monitor while he squirmed. Laughed my ass off.

[pokerlaw]

Situation: Someone limps with their AA or KK so that 6 people see the flop. They then slowplay the hand until they go all in after the river. When they lose, they always seem to mutter: "That was a bad beat." Classic.

OR - Same situation, but they audible and say "why do I always lose with AA?"

[yeau2]

Poker blood is green. You want proof? Just look at the table.

That's ones amazing.

[raptor517]

bwahahahahahahahahahhahahahahha. thats one of the greatest ive heard lori. i love it /images/graemlins/wink.gif. holla

[yoadrians]

"You have to be just posing for the cameras. Because a player like you can't have a tough decision to make every single hand. It's just not possible."

-- Doyle Brunson to the slow, slow, slow P.H. during the WSOP Tournament of Champions. I like the quote (something along these lines - mine might not be word for word) because it's so rare to see Doyle get a little mouthy. Fun to see - the man still has some spunk in him, no question.

[Drunken Monkey]

I have always liked:

"I raise, therefore I am"
-Lederer

"The all-in play works everytime but once."
-???

[eastbay]

[ QUOTE ]
T.J. Cloutier also said something like

"The right way to play JJ is to raise before the flop and to fold after it."

[/ QUOTE ]

lol. First good one so far.

eastbay

[Phoenix1010]

"I view each tournament as a gigantic minefield that I must navigate my way through without getting blown up. I'm likely to be wounded several times along the way, but as long as none are fatal, I'll get to the other side."
-Richard Tatalovich

"If you play enough, accept that from time to time you are going to go bust, because from time to time, everyone, even the best of the best, does. Every professional eventually is faced with having to hardnose the way home... Avoid going on tilt. Resist the urge to recoup, pull even, make up lost ground, or you will wind up chasing rainbow pots, throwing good money after bad."
-Doc Holliday

"I've heard good players complain to me about how they get drawn out on all the time. But if they want to better their game and their emotional state while playing, they should realize that it's a mirage. If you are an excellent player, people are going to draw out on you a lot more than you're going to draw out on them because they're simply going to have the worst hand against you a lot more times than you have the worst hand against them. There's no way you're going to draw out on anybody if you don't get all your money in there on the worst hand."
-Bobby Baldwin

"If there is a god, he is like me."
-David Sklansky

Some non-poker ones that I find equally helpful:

"Whenever you engage in warfare with your enemies, you should strive to be the first to occupy advantageous terrain, so that you can win the battle."
-Sun Tzu

"In battle, it is not sufficient for a commander to avoid error, he needs actively to cause his enemy to make mistakes."
-Jon Latimer

"When the opponent expands, I contract, and when he contracts, I expand. And when there is an opportunity, I do not hit, it hits all by itself."
-Bruce Lee

"Knowing is not enough, we must apply. Willing is not enough, we must do."
-Bruce Lee

"The Way is specific and determinedly deliberate methodology. The ancient masters must be studied constantly without repsite, even when the practitioner thinks he has grasped the knowledge. It is important to realize that technique is not the end of an art. Those good in technique, regardless of the art they pursue, are not necessarily able to teach the true meaning of an art. Beginning students who do not know this and who think they are being brought to the threshold of understanding are not to blame so much as those who teach without understanding the inner and outer worlds of the art of which they profess to be masters... Masters plan for contingency even when it appears that they are only improvising, The presentation of an idea, apparently improvised, is only valid if there has been adequate study and preparation on the part of the teacher who can then deliver the information in the proper sequences. A master achieves the Way only by being devoted to the art, while the art itself reveals it's true identity to a warrior only when 'the spirit of the thing itself' feels comfortable with the warrior as a vehicle for it's own expression."
-Miyamoto Musashi

-Phoenix

[eastbay]

[ QUOTE ]
Yea...but it was good. Was it not? So it was a great call.

[/ QUOTE ]

No, it wasn't. Neither was it jack high - it was queen high, and still no good.

eastbay

[Slim Pickens]

[ QUOTE ]
Yea...but it was good. Was it not? So it was a great call.

[/ QUOTE ]

Oh, sorry. I'd been thinking this whole time "it" refered to the quote, not the hand. Damn pronouns and my tenuous grasp of the English language. But no, that's what makes it so funny. For those who didn't see the 2004 WSOP limit HE event on TV, it wasn't actually a jack high. (I think this account is correct.) Jim McManus raises, Powers reraises from the big blind, McManus calls. The flop comes 3s 4h 7d. Both players check. The turn comes 7s. Powers bets, McManus calls. The river comes 5d. Powers bets, and McManus calls. Powers shows Kh 8h. Jim McManus held a queen high and mucked, so Powers never saw McManus's hand. He just guessed jack high, and went on another isane muttering/yelling rant outside on the street about "I ain't never in my life called someone with a jack high!"

[Slim Pickens]

"Wait, time out. Four aces is not a gamble." Krusty the Klown, explaining to his daughter how he lost her treasured violin in a poker game.

Sorry if that's a little low-brow. I just think it's hilarious.