I need to compliment more

[KidPokerX]

This is not a joke. I have a problem.
I am finally coming to grips with myself. I need to compliment other people more. I notice nice attributes about people, yet fail to acknowledge them. What suggestions would any psychologists (or aspiring psychs) advise me to do?
Thank you

[[censored]]

you're weird.

[willie]

[ QUOTE ]
What suggestions would any psychologists (or aspiring psychs) advise me to do?


[/ QUOTE ]

i suggest you kill yourself. /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[maryfield48]

I don't know.

PS Nice avatar. And your writing is very legible.

[lighterjobs]

[ QUOTE ]
This is not a joke. I have a problem.
I am finally coming to grips with myself. I need to compliment other people more. I notice nice attributes about people, yet fail to acknowledge them. What suggestions would any psychologists (or aspiring psychs) advise me to do?
Thank you

[/ QUOTE ]

tell them

[KidPokerX]

I'm weird?
Let us look at your brilliant website PokerandPussy.com (http://www.pokerandpussy.net/Poker.html/) : shall we?
You wrote:
[ QUOTE ]
It's only because I kick ass at every thing I do that I have made it this far. Well that and because of the large number of fucktards who play.

[/ QUOTE ]
So let me get this right. You drop out of work with one of the world's largest accounting firms and find yourself with only $500 to play poker?
Now this is the workings of a potential great player.

[ QUOTE ]
Those of you familiar with my journal know how I feel about the majority of the players I play against. If not allow me to clarify. I hate them. Now some would say that I should like them because it is the losing player that allows me to make a living playing poker ... [censored] that. I appreciate them for being the complete [censored] morons that they are. I would say that my relationship with these players is similar to that of a serial killer and his victims. He doesn't like them. He hates them and wants to cut them into little pieces for being the dirty whores that they are.

[/ QUOTE ]

who's weird?

... so I read on and realize you are exactly the type of Fukctard you whine about. You broke all rules of poker, and justify this based on the fact that you are "the [censored]".
Honestly, I feel bad for you. I apologize for exploiting your weakness, but I think that it's something that needs to be brought to your attention.

You lose.

[[censored]]

you're now more weird.

[KidPokerX]

I thought it was assumed that I can not simply tell them based on the fact that I posted about it. I apologize for not clarifying. I didn't think this topic was too much to handle. I'll ask somewhere else.
We can drop this topic.

[GuyOnTilt]

I decided to work on this same thing about a year ago. I've been doing better, but it will still slip my mind for days or weeks at a time sometimes. It's cool that you noticed this about yourself and are going to make a conscious effort to do something about it. For me, verbally complimenting people doesn't come naturally, so I need to constantly remind myself to do it.

Kind of along the same lines, I'm really bad about being introduced to people and not remembering their names. Not like I forget it, but like I never really took the mental effort to learn it in the first place. Someone will say, "Hey Bright, this is Nicole," and I'll shake her hand or hug her or whatever and say hi, but 10 seconds later I couldn't even tell you her name. I think some of it has to do with being kind of self-minded honestly, which is something I'm working on. I've found that saying their name when I first meet them helps a lot 'cause it makes me actually proces it instead of just hearing it and not really processing it. Same thing with saying greeting type phrases like, "How are you?" and not really caring to listen to the response. They'll say something, and I'll just nod my head or be like, "Sweet," but not even really be listening. It's pretty self-centered I think. It's like I'm just going through the motions of greeting people I don't know super well sometimes. I've realized I need to work on these things though, and I'm trying to remind myself as often as possible.

One of my goals for this year is to become more selfless in my day to day mindset, and I really think these things are a part of that. I'm trying to learn to be a lot more introspective so I can improve on stuff like this.

GoT

[KidPokerX]

Nice post.
Like you, I too have a similar problem of being overly self-minded (thus the reason for my problem complimenting others). It is something I want to fix, since it will build stronger relationships with my current friends/ family as well as people who will be important to me later on.
Also, it is just as difficult for me to really process and remember a new name. Looking back, this may have some correlation to my complimenting issue. Either way I think it's definately a +EV skill to have.
Thank you for your input!

-KidPokerX

[GuyOnTilt]

Out of curiousity, how old are you? Again, it's really cool that you're thinking about this stuff and want to work on being less self-minded. And your username implies your young, which would make it even more cool, in my opinion.

Yeah, I think the name thing and the compliment thing both are definitely correlated. They definitely are with me. I'm very good with selflessness when it comes to acts of generosity, monetary or with my time or courtesies or things like that. But when it comes to these types of things, I just suck at it unless I make a conscious day to day effort to improve. Hopefully I'm getting there. I do need to try harder and more often though.

Keep it up.

GoT

[Dominic]

um, just compliment people more. sincerely. it's not as hard as you think.

[Michael Davis]

Thinking but not giving compliments is usually a confidence issue. I never compliment anyone, and I usually get pissed when they compliment me, especially on something as incredibly lame and objectifying as my appearance.

-Michael

[KidPokerX]

I am 20 years old.

I have a long way to go before I see a WSOP bracelet on my wrist. /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

-KidPokerX

[GuyOnTilt]

[ QUOTE ]
um, just compliment people more. sincerely. it's not as hard as you think.

[/ QUOTE ]

Going through the motions probably isn't the best solution for him, per se. It's more of a mindset problem. In my case at least, there's a root cause that affects things outside of just not complimenting enough. Now that I've admitted that to myself, I need to work on doing the actual actions on a consistent basis in order to train myself to think that way. So yeah, in a sense the answer is to "just do it", but that's really not the core issue here that needs mending. If that makes sense...

GoT

[gaming_mouse]

[ QUOTE ]
Thinking but not giving compliments is usually a confidence issue. I never compliment anyone, and I usually get pissed when they compliment me, especially on something as incredibly lame and objectifying as my appearance.

[/ QUOTE ]

Really? Are you being serious? It actually makes you mad? I don't get it.

[GuyOnTilt]

[ QUOTE ]
I am 20 years old.

[/ QUOTE ]

Heh. We have a lot in common.

[ QUOTE ]
I have a long way to go before I see a WSOP bracelet on my wrist. /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

I take that back. I plan on having one in a few months. /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

GoT

[KidPokerX]

Looking deeper I think you're right. I think it is very much a confidence thing, for in a perfect world I would reject all compliments as nonsense (especially those about my appearance). You bring up a good point.
From now on I will do my best to apply this newfound skill in these forums.
I will keep these all in mind.

-KidPokerX

[GuyOnTilt]

[ QUOTE ]
Thinking but not giving compliments is usually a confidence issue. I never compliment anyone, and I usually get pissed when they compliment me, especially on something as incredibly lame and objectifying as my appearance.

[/ QUOTE ]

Hey Michael,

Explain this confidence thing to me... I don't think I quite get it.

GoT

[Michael Davis]

It depends, but generally I find compliments to be more about what the person giving them wants.

-Michael

[KidPokerX]

better yet, maybe we can battle it out at the final table. You and me headsup for the title.
You're a good man - I would be happy with the outcome either way.

Keep it up, my friend. Can't wait to play you soon.

[KidPokerX]

the hidden message behind them.

There's no such thing as a free compliment - they usually want one in return.

[Michael Davis]

I don't think you have confidence issues, your problem may be one of just noticing things to compliment on.

But people who tend not to give compliments well often do not receive them well, brushing them off with a side comment or actually rejecting the compliment (not totally directly, but you know what I mean).

In order to give authentic compliments, you must possess a certain confidence level yourself, otherwise you are worried about how the compliment will be received, etc. It's sort of in the same category as asking a woman out: Many people think about doing this often but rarely do, others just ask away all the time, because they care less about how they will be received.

Anyways, I'm not explaining this well. That's all I got.

-Michael

[GuyOnTilt]

[ QUOTE ]
better yet, maybe we can battle it out at the final table. You and me headsup for the title.
You're a good man - I would be happy with the outcome either way.

[/ QUOTE ]

Well, I wouldn't be happy with the outcome either way, soooo I guess you'll be dumping and we'll both be happy. /images/graemlins/smile.gif

GoT

[gaming_mouse]

[ QUOTE ]
It depends, but generally I find compliments to be more about what the person giving them wants.

[/ QUOTE ]

I guess the thing I didn't understand was why it would make you mad. Also, why do you never give compliments to anyone? Say you were dating a girl, and you thought she looked particularly nice. You would not say so?

[Riskwise]

[ QUOTE ]
What suggestions would any psychologists (or aspiring psychs) advise me to do?

[/ QUOTE ]

honestly if you want the lame psych explanation, this would be a fruedian concept on psychosexual stages. these are the stages in your childhood that define your personality. there are five stages, the oral, anal, phallic, latency, and genital stage. to save time im going to explain one and then you can figure out the rest. for the oral stage, this is from birth to age 1.5 years or so. this is were we get our sexual needs from our mouths, like eating. but for example lets say breast feeding. if you were breast fed too little or too much (or get too little or too much satisfaction in any other stage too) you will become "fixated" in this stage. this means you might develop eating problems or be overly talkative or sarcastic to compensate, and it is very hard to break this personality structure. for being egotistical i would say your "fixated" in the phallic stage. because this is the stage where you realize other peoples opinions and views. this is called the phallic stage because this is the stage where you figure out you have a penis and its fun to play with.

so all in all you played with your penis too much at age 4-5, and it finally caught up to you. (or you played too little with it. and by the way its too late... nice try though)

[Michael Davis]

"Say you were dating a girl, and you thought she looked particularly nice. You would not say so?"

I always say she looks nice but only because I'm supposed to.

-Michael

[Michael Davis]

Are you suggesting this explanation as valid? Because many Freudians even have given up this account of early childhood.

-Michael

[gaming_mouse]

[ QUOTE ]

There's no such thing as a free compliment - they usually want one in return.

[/ QUOTE ]

This simply isn't true. Sure, sometimes people have hidden agendas, but sometimes they're just being nice. And when people are sincerely complimenting you, just because they want to, it would be a shame to make up a hidden agenda for them because you are looking for one.

[gaming_mouse]

[ QUOTE ]
"Say you were dating a girl, and you thought she looked particularly nice. You would not say so?"

I always say she looks nice but only because I'm supposed to.


[/ QUOTE ]

Meaning you never want to, or you never think she looks nice?

[GuyOnTilt]

Okay, I think I get what you mean. And yeah, I don't think that line of thinking really applies to me. Or what Kid said about only giving one 'cause you want one in return. I know I like it when someone gives me a genuine compliment and it makes me feel good and I really appreciate it, so I'd like to do the same for others. That's kind of how I've been trying to train myself to think in all situations in the past few years, and this is one area I still need to work on. That's not to say that I want to just give compliments for the sake of giving compliments; it's the genuineness behind them that I appreciate. It really blesses me when somebody does it to me, and I'd like to be able to bless others in the same way. So yeah. Some of the problem is also me making an effort to notice things about other people, whether physical or otherwise. Again, not that I want to find something just to be able to give a compliment on it; I think the root behind this goes back to the self-minded issue. That might not make too much sense, but I know that's what's behind it for me at least. Definitely something I need to work on.

GoT

[Michael Davis]

"Meaning you never want to, or you never think she looks nice?"

Neither, just that the compliment is effectively meaningless.

-Michael

[Riskwise]

[ QUOTE ]
Are you suggesting this explanation as valid? Because many Freudians even have given up this account of early childhood.

-Michael

[/ QUOTE ]

alot of his experiments he did were extremely hard to scientifically prove in an experimental setting so they were don in naturalistic settings. never the less they are accepted by the psych community today.

[KidPokerX]

haha ok.

[B00T]

[ QUOTE ]
I'm really bad about being introduced to people and not remembering their names. Not like I forget it, but like I never really took the mental effort to learn it in the first place.

[/ QUOTE ]

I think the reason you (or most people for that matter dont remember name) is because:

When you are being introduced you are making an effort to be nice and smile and most importantly not do anything stupid. If she has a rack you are trying not to stare at it in an initial introduction to her, and if you are saying "Nice to meet you" or whatever other BS, you are making sure not to stutter or hold in laughter if the person is a weirdo to the point of not listening to the person introducing you who says their name.

You are concentrating on yourself and your image and not anyone else in that brief moment.