TSC"s Guide to Strip Clubs

[ThaSaltCracka]

I think many of us on this forum have frequented a gentlemen’s club from time to time, perhaps only once, but be clear, we all have gone before (if you haven’t gone before, but plan on going sometime, continue reading. If you haven’t gone, and plan on never going, stop reading and go make a sandwich for your bitch.)

I have been to my share of strip clubs, but I don’t go very often for various reasons, but when I go I like to have some fun. IMO to truly have some real fun at a strip club you need to do a few things. On this list of things you need to do, the number one item is be prepared to spend some money. If you are a cheap ass you won’t have fun, so if you are a cheap ass, stop reading. If you enjoy paying cover and just staring at girls stripping, stop reading, because you are better off looking at free porn on the internet.

So now that we have set the one main ground rule for having fun at a strip club, there are a few intangibles that will affect the type of fun you will have. The main thing is, do they serve alcohol at the establishment? If so, prefunk to save some money. The one advantage these types of clubs have over non-drinking clubs is they allow you to stay nice and drunk. If the place you are going doesn’t serve alcohol, still prefunk, but keep it in moderation. These places don’t have a lot of patience for drunken SOB’s.

Another factor is what kind of dances/stages do they offer. Some clubs give horrible private dances, dances which involve the girl dancing naked in front of you, but really doing nothing else. Some places have private dances which involve some heavily perfumed broad grinding on your Johnson, sticking her boobs in your face, and grabbing your Johnson. Clearly this is a determining factor in how you will spend your money. If the place has the lame private dances I described first, just get some drinks and a bunch of ones. Then sit in the front of one of the stages and throw bills at the whores, they go nuts, and it’s a lot of fun. If it’s the place has dances that I described second, then you have some key decisions to make.

Choosing the right girl is key here. I mean, we are talking about a strip club, so there are a few token strippers that every club has. The blond with the big fake knockers, the black girl with braids and the big ass, the Goth white chick with big tats on her back, and of course the Asian girl who is straight outta Full Metal Jacket. Some of these girls may get your spuds boiling, but be warned, usually the hottest girl gives the worst dances. Why you may ask? Well, because their hot and they know that 90% of the people the go up to will get a dance from them. They make $100 in 30 minutes. These broads don’t care about you or your Johnson, they just want the green. No, these aren’t the girls you want to pick. You want to find the girl that is on the fence between hot and freaky. You know the type, she isn’t fine, but she is far better than doable. These girls have to fight to get as much cash as possible, because they are in constant competition with the hotties. So these girls know that to make as much as possible, they have to grind their ass against johnsons, and their tits have to get licked. They know this and they want you to do this to them. These chicks will give you your moneys worth everytime.

Finally, don’t fall into the trap when they ask you “do you want 20 for something or 40 for more?” They are full of [censored].

any addendums to my guide are more than appreciated.

[Clarkmeister]

You disappear for a week and this is the best you can do? I expect more depth, an easier to follow format, and a table of contents. Photos would be nice. You can do better.

[ThaSaltCracka]

http://lifewise.canoe.ca/Lifewise2SR0301/30_val_01.jpg

[lu_hawk]

this was too long to read the whole thing but i did get to the second paragraph and will say that there is nothing worse than going to the strip club with guys that won't spend money.

[[censored]]

Have you hit Stars in Beaverton? Also there is a place in E.Portland that I hear serves one hell of a steak dinner. I can't remember it's name. Stars with an A.

I'll find out from one of my friends up there.

Edit-I think it is the Acropolis

[Zeno]

Not bad Mr. Salt. I give your guide a B-. Some more pointers would have been good but you hit the high spots. At least your post doesn't reek of Gayness like that one of Clark's did.

By the way, I'm off to do some shopping and to hit a strip club. On Sundays things can be slow and the chance for better grind and johnson grabbing dances goes up, even from a few of the hotties. A fee tip you should add to your Guide.

-Zeno

[ThaSaltCracka]

I have been to the Acropolis, and yes they do have a good steak for $5.

Haven't been to Stars, my roomie says its the best strip club in the Portland area.

[[censored]]

[ QUOTE ]
I have been to the Acropolis, and yes they do have a good steak for $5.

Haven't been to Stars, my roomie says its the best strip club in the Portland area.

[/ QUOTE ]

Ya the all the girls are usually very hot, they have a pretty good bar, something like 5 stages, and a seperate area for lap dances.

[ThaSaltCracka]

nothing but the best from Zeno, well played sir.

[Boris]

Good post Cracker. Don't listen to the haters and their pettiness.

[Ulysses]

Doc's.

[heavybody]

Why not use the money you would spend in a strip club and use it to get laid instead, via a pro or maybe pick up a woman.

heavily bodied

[willie]

i have never been to a strip club

but i lost my virginity to a stripper...

interesting?

[Daliman]

[ QUOTE ]
i have never been to a strip club

but i lost my virginity to a stripper...

interesting?

[/ QUOTE ]

Very. Do tell.

[willie]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
i have never been to a strip club

but i lost my virginity to a stripper...

interesting?

[/ QUOTE ]

Very. Do tell.

[/ QUOTE ]

not much else to the story /images/graemlins/grin.gif

don't date strippers, i was 18 and was fiending for some poon. I was heavily into riding sportbikes and other dangerous *chemical* activities. We shared a bond for both i guess

don't date them, seriously. She was the worst pathological liar I have EVER MET....EVER!---but that was her profession, so she got practice at it i guess.

i had no frame of reference at the time for sexual performance, but now i realize- she was rediculously good.

[ThaSaltCracka]

pay to get laid? are you serious? I learned my lesson once, its not worth it.

[Tyler Durden]

[ QUOTE ]
I have been to the Acropolis, and yes they do have a good steak for $5.

Haven't been to Stars, my roomie says its the best strip club in the Portland area.

[/ QUOTE ]

Dude, you can't eat at a strip club. That's like rule #1. Titties and tater tots don't mix.

[Clarkmeister]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I have been to the Acropolis, and yes they do have a good steak for $5.

Haven't been to Stars, my roomie says its the best strip club in the Portland area.

[/ QUOTE ]

Dude, you can't eat at a strip club. That's like rule #1.

[/ QUOTE ]

Finally we agree on something.

[Bluffoon]

[ QUOTE ]
pay to get laid? are you serious? I learned my lesson once, its not worth it.

[/ QUOTE ]

You always pay one way or the other.

[ThaSaltCracka]

The Acropolis is more a steak house that has stripers, then a strip club that serves steaks.

[IggyWH]

Admendment #1 :

There is no sex in the champagne room... but when you spend $3,000+, anything goes. So get a rich friend, get him drunk and convince him he needs to get 4 strippers in the champagne room for an hour.

[Clarkmeister]

[ QUOTE ]
The Acropolis is more a steak house that has stripers, then a strip club that serves steaks.

[/ QUOTE ]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v247/razor27/icon_rolleyes.gif

[ThaSaltCracka]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
The Acropolis is more a steak house that has stripers, then a strip club that serves steaks.

[/ QUOTE ]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v247/razor27/icon_rolleyes.gif

[/ QUOTE ] do they not have those in Vegas?

[Dead]

Nice post.

Not sure when I'll ever use it, but I enjoyed it.

[TStoneMBD]

i feel like i was shortchanged.

[Alobar]

good stuff.....as an avid fan of the titty bar, I'm in agreement with all that you've said. If you arent going to drop some cash, its prolly not worth going, but if you dont mind dropping some cash, its some of the better times that can be had.

A tip regarding lap dances....I've found that if you really want a good lap dance, lock eyes with the stipper and dont look anywhere else. I've had some strippers do some completely crazy [censored] trying to get me to look down at their body. If your younger, you can also act a little nervouse and say its your first time, usually that will get a good dance too.

[morello]

[ QUOTE ]

If your younger, you can also act a little nervouse and say its your first time, usually that will get a good dance too.

[/ QUOTE ]

Hmm, are you sure about that? If you say it's your first time, won't they give you a half assed dance because you don't know the difference? Plus young people are usually going to be cheap, so she might not think you're worth giving a full effort to?

I don't know, just seems counter intuitive to me.

[morello]

[ QUOTE ]


So these girls know that to make as much as possible, they have to grind their ass against johnsons, and their tits have to get licked. They know this and they want you to do this to them. These chicks will give you your moneys worth everytime.


[/ QUOTE ]

You didn't say anything about the best way to go about getting your Johnson rubbed. Do they just go ahead, or are there things you do to encourage this? Also, how do you know if she's the type of girl that "knows she's going to get her tits licked", and how do you know you won't have a bouncer beating your ass if you try?

[ThaSaltCracka]

its all about the girl man, thats what I was saying. You have to pick the right girl and she needs to be slutty enough looking too. as for how do you know if she will let you lick her titties.... well, if she sticks em in your mouth thats usually a good indication that she will let you lick them.

[Gamblor]

My best friend's uncle owns the largest and most famous "classy" strip club in Toronto. We see tons of NBAers in there after games, Motley Crue was in there last week, I've seen ManRam and Guns n Roses in there in the past.

We sit upstairs, away from the plebians, in the VIP area where the girls hang out in between dances or when they're not working the floors. For credibility purposes, I do know most of their real names and other jobs.

We also hang out with them after hours, on weekends, and late nights /images/graemlins/wink.gif

A couple things (mostly for n00bs):

1) They're there for the money. They're there to flirt with you and make you want them so you finally buckle down and take them for a dance. After the dance, they've forgotten you immediately.

2) When you go for a dance, you can ask them what their personal rules are, and they will tell you.

3) Don't be a dork, and at the same time, if by some sheer coincidence they're attracted to you, play hard to get. Like REAL hard to get. If they want you, they'll come get you.

4) But don't bother asking them out. They're hot. They know they're hot, and they get hit on by every jackass that's in there. Be different. Rather, be indifferent. They're still people, and you gotta figure out something they've never heard before. They'll sit next to any idiot and talk to him and touch him and be flirty, but if by some sheer coincidence she wants to bang you (if you ask her out, she knows you're gay and will try to take you for a ride financially), she'll be really blatant. Like she'll say "I want to [censored] you." If she hints at it "who knows what will happen?", she's selling dances. Be a man, a jerk, an [censored], whatever you think will shock them. That's a LOT harder than it sounds.

5) After hours, they're regular people who go out and party and have kids and drive to work and worry about parking and [censored].

6) The good ones up here make up to $1000 a night, up to $300000 a year. Cash. They pay cash for houses, cars, new boobs, etc. Wild.

Most of this is nothing new for Veterans, but it might help some newbies.

[astroglide]

i have zero interest in 'licking her titties'

[Alobar]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

If your younger, you can also act a little nervouse and say its your first time, usually that will get a good dance too.

[/ QUOTE ]

Hmm, are you sure about that? If you say it's your first time, won't they give you a half assed dance because you don't know the difference? Plus young people are usually going to be cheap, so she might not think you're worth giving a full effort to?

I don't know, just seems counter intuitive to me.

[/ QUOTE ]

naw, in my experience they pull out all the stops if they think its ure first time, I guess they want to make it memorable

[lucas9000]

[ QUOTE ]
i have zero interest in 'licking her titties'

[/ QUOTE ]

[Porcupine]

Here, one of the better area steak houses opened a new location by building an addition (with glass walls) onto to the area's biggest strip club. That lasted a few years, but has now been converted to a nice VIP area, which is of much more use to me than the steak house.

[MMMMMM]

Yeah, Clarkmeister, I agree; this was kinda weak.

TSC, you can do better!