Dumbest thing you ever said to a girl

[antidan444]

(Or for the girls out there, dumbest thing you ever said to a guy ...)

I'd been dating this girl for about two months, it was April (2001 for those interested) and we were at the mall. I don't even remember what we were there for, but anyway, she winds up walking into "Pacific Sunwear" and as we're walking up the aisle, she pulls this Baby-T off the rack. Now, she's a full C-Cup and this shirt was _tiny_ and I'm thinking to myself, "You've got to be kidding," when she turns to me and asks, "What do you think?"

My brilliant self insta-replies, "You'll never fit in that."

Bad call. Bad, bad call.

About the time the final "that" made it out of my mouth, the full scope of my stupidity finally started to sink in, BEFORE she reacted. And all I could do was laugh. Hysterically. Hey, the cat was out of the bag, there was no getting it back in, I was D-U-N done. So I just stood there laughing as she walked out of the store, out of the mall, into her car and drove off without me.

29 months later, we were married. Go figure.

So that's mine. Your turn.

[istewart]

How long did it take you to google that fairy tale?

[[censored]]

[ QUOTE ]
Dumbest thing you ever said to a girl

[/ QUOTE ]

Will you marry me?

[antidan444]

Swear to God it actually happened

[istewart]

/images/graemlins/wink.gif

[3rdEye]

Without a doubt, the answer is, "I love you."

[ilya]

[ QUOTE ]
Without a doubt, the answer is, "I love you."

[/ QUOTE ]

Umm, why? Is this an attempt at a joke?

[PokerGoblin]

"It's alright baby I'll pull out".

[3rdEye]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Without a doubt, the answer is, "I love you."

[/ QUOTE ]

Umm, why? Is this an attempt at a joke?

[/ QUOTE ]

No, just a long story.

[RunDownHouse]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Without a doubt, the answer is, "I love you."

[/ QUOTE ]

Umm, why? Is this an attempt at a joke?

[/ QUOTE ]
If you didn't at least see an attempt at humor here, much less chuckle, you might want to see a proctologist.

[ilya]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Without a doubt, the answer is, "I love you."

[/ QUOTE ]

Umm, why? Is this an attempt at a joke?

[/ QUOTE ]

No, just a long story.

[/ QUOTE ]

Oh, alright, sorry. If it's like that I hear you.

[Blackjack]

Get some clearasil.

The girl started crying and balling and all of her friends started bitching at me.

Blackjack

[ilya]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Without a doubt, the answer is, "I love you."

[/ QUOTE ]

Umm, why? Is this an attempt at a joke?

[/ QUOTE ]
If you didn't at least see an attempt at humor here, much less chuckle, you might want to see a proctologist.

[/ QUOTE ]

Laughing is all good, but after all love is the most important and serious thing in the world. Anyway apparently the OP wasn't really joking per se.

[ilya]

(To a chubby girl who was complaining that she was fat while holding a donut in each hand)

"Maybe if you didn't eat so many donuts you wouldn't be so fat."

I don't know if this qualifies as "dumb" since after all I hadn't been trying to get with this girl or anything like that, but it's probably the most tactless thing I've ever said to a girl.

[rusellmj]

On a first date, after a long night of drinking, during a conversation I got myself stuck and had to say "uh, what was your name again?"

Russ

[3rdEye]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Without a doubt, the answer is, "I love you."

[/ QUOTE ]

Umm, why? Is this an attempt at a joke?

[/ QUOTE ]
If you didn't at least see an attempt at humor here, much less chuckle, you might want to see a proctologist.

[/ QUOTE ]

Laughing is all good, but after all love is the most important and serious thing in the world. Anyway apparently the OP wasn't really joking per se.

[/ QUOTE ]

LOL, it was a bit of a joke and a sob story at the same time. Just depends on your perspective. Nothing traumatic or anything.

[RunDownHouse]

[ QUOTE ]
love is the most important and serious thing in the world

[/ QUOTE ]
Oh, Lord. This might be a more involved procedure than anticipated.

[Moyer]

The last time I was in Vegas I vaguely remember screaming "I wanna [censored] you like an animal!" at a beautiful girl dancing on the bar in Coyote Ugly.

Not sure if it's the dumbest thing or not, but it's gotta be right up there.

[Sponger15SB]

[ QUOTE ]
she walked out of the store, out of the mall, into her car and drove off without me.

[/ QUOTE ]

Sorry for saying this, but your wife is a [censored] bitch.

[Joe826]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
love is the most important and serious thing in the world

[/ QUOTE ]
Oh, Lord. This might be a more involved procedure than anticipated.

[/ QUOTE ]

hahaha. i like this post.

i use to to think "hi.. so.. do you like checkers?" was a legitimately good pickup line. i use it 3 times that i can remember. it never worked.

[Josh W]

So, I SWEAR this wasn't me. My buddy Joe...

He and his girlfriend were discussing their previous night's 'activities' over breakfast. Apparently it was quite good. She said she thought it was the best she had had. She asked Joe what he thought, and Joe said:

"It's the best I've had ... with you"

[JGalt]

"why don't you douche?" She actually took it pretty well.

[antidan444]

[ QUOTE ]
Sorry for saying this, but your wife is a [censored] bitch.

[/ QUOTE ]

Eh, she's temperamental. And yes she has her bitch moments. But that particular one, I couldn't really blame her.

Besides, I found her reaction funny. Maybe I'm the screwed up one.

[gamblore99]

[ QUOTE ]
The last time I was in Vegas I vaguely remember screaming "I wanna [censored] you like an animal!" at a beautiful girl dancing on the bar in Coyote Ugly.

Not sure if it's the dumbest thing or not, but it's gotta be right up there.

[/ QUOTE ]

Not dumb. brilliant

[ethan]

[ QUOTE ]
On a first date, after a long night of drinking, during a conversation I got myself stuck and had to say "uh, what was your name again?"

Russ

[/ QUOTE ]

It's worse when you accidentally call your gf the name of the girl with whom she thinks you're cheating.

Trust me.

[BradleyT]

"No".

[mikeyvegas]

[ QUOTE ]
"It's the best I've had ... with you"

[/ QUOTE ]

That's awesome.

[antidan444]

[ QUOTE ]
"No".

[/ QUOTE ]

I hear you.

[antidan444]

[ QUOTE ]
"It's the best I've had ... with you"

That's awesome.

[/ QUOTE ]

[James282]

A few weeks into a relationship, right after the 5th or so time we had done it.
"Wow honey, that was one of the top 5 times ever."
"What were the other 4?"
-James

[AEKDBet]

"liposuction"

the context was joking, the result anger and tears

[Richard Tanner]

No not most expensive, he wanted the stupidest...oh wait.

Cody

[thatpfunk]

Laughing really hard at a queef.

[nothumb]

Drunk once I asked a girl if a queef came from her pussy or her ass. She got all quiet and embarassed and I kind of waited, let it waft around, and said, "I'm gonna go with pussy, no stench over here."

Strangely enough that was not the last time we hooked up.

NT

[kyro]

Two come to mind.

"Would you like to join the math team with me?"

"Ashley" (my gf's name was Alisha. One of my closest girl friend's name is Ashley. Guess who I was talking to.)

[thatpfunk]

[ QUOTE ]
"Ashley" (my gf's name was Alisha. One of my closest girl friend's name is Ashley. Guess who I was talking to.)

[/ QUOTE ]

Oh good one... I completely forgot. My freshman year I got wasted and thought I was going to cheat on my GF with some girl name Emily. I passed out and my girlfriend woke me up. I started trying to kiss her and called her Emily.

I had to spend a week convincing her that I was dreaming and I didn't know anyone named Jenny (thats the name she thought I was slurring). I am a huge jerk btw.

[cnfuzzd]

"is it ok if i call you pokerjo?"


peace

john nickle

[Shilly]

When picking lab partners for chemistry, my roommate and I decided to pick the hottest girl in the class, who turns out to be quite incompetent. She's in our room last night, and was talking about how she wasn't going to shave her legs.

My roommate: "Well, the only reason we picked you was for eye candy, so you better shave those [censored] legs."

Awkward silence ensued, followed by me laughing hysterically.

[wacki]

[ QUOTE ]
"is it ok if i call you pokerjo?"


peace

john nickle

[/ QUOTE ]

wow

[dr. klopek]

Not the dumbest, but the meanest:

In high school we were in a class about to watch a video and this girl behind me (who apparently was into the klopek) says in a playful manner (I wasn't in the mood): "hey, why don't you move your big head so I can see." To which I suavely replied "Why don't you move? Stupid, ugly, fat." She didn't react all that well.

[ToneLoc]

[ QUOTE ]
Dumbest thing you ever said to a girl

[/ QUOTE ]

The truth...

[B00T]

Anyone else really disappointed in this thread?

[droolie]

The first chick I ever slept with was using the sponge for birth control. After a few weeks she said that she was running out of them and that she wanted me to buy some condoms. My response? "I'm not gonna pay for sex with you." I didn't have to because it never happened again.

The dumbest thing I've ever heard was said by a friend to my wife. At the time my wife and I were not married yet but had been together a couple of years. We decided to go to New Orleans for the Super Bowl when the Pats went in '96 and took a couple booze hound friends with us. After being in the car for 20 hours with these guys the conversation moved to cheating on your boyfriend/ girlfriend. We were all tired and i think I was trying to sleep at the time. My wife asked my friend about me and he said, "Jamie's been pretty good since you guys started dating." Your girlfriend does not like hearing you've been "pretty good". Trust me. The next 8 hours were spent talking about what he meant by "pretty good". I seriously considered driving into a telephone pole more than once.

[Rushmore]

[ QUOTE ]
Without a doubt, the answer is, "I love you."

[/ QUOTE ]

This is so clearly and obviously the correct answer that NO OTHER ANSWER came to mind.

Anyone who cannot see the destructive force of these three words hasn't lived enough.

I wasn't even going to post my response, assuming that everyone had answered the same.

A brief perusal of the responses leads me to believe that everyone here lives in a beer commercial, a sitcom, or a fairy tale.

[Rushmore]

[ QUOTE ]
The truth...

[/ QUOTE ]

I thought "I love you" was the only correct response.

I was wrong.

[astroglide]

"me too"

said in response to "i'm horny". i was freshly 15 at the time and had been friends with a SMOKING hot black girl named fatiha. we were in the same french class and talked a lot. she started riding the bus home with me and would take interest in random crap like whatever i was watching on tv, what video games i was playing, etc. would occasionally show up at the arcades i regularly haunted while i played sf or mk.

so she was 18, i was 15. she was so far above me appearance-wise that aside from being an interracial couple i could get violent responses on a 'wtf is she doing with him?' basis alone. and i was completely into her. but it never clicked with me that she could possibly be interested in me because she was older, hotter, more experienced, etc.

so we go to a party one night and she comes back to my house to stay the night (my mom didn't care about anything i did). we're lying in the bottom of a bunk bed opposite each other, i have an erection. she says "i'm horny" and i said "me too". and then it was completely silent until we both went to sleep. she even did the ol' "roll over and breath loudly in frustration" move and i was paralyzed.

when i connected with some girl outside the school busses nearly thereafter and she was riding home with me she started crying and ONLY THEN did i actually get the fact that she was (for whatever reason) interested.

[jimdmcevoy]

Okay, so me and my gf were lying in bed naked and she says

"do you get.... turned on, when a girl.... touches herself?"

I was totally caught off guard, and replied with something like "um, well ah it depends on like uh the context and if like"

and then she cuts me off and says "nevermind"

now THAT is some hardcore regret

[chaas4747]

I really want to reply to this post, but don't know waht to say. So I will just go with Happy Birthday!

[jimdmcevoy]

thanks /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[M2d]

A friend of mine said "congratulations" to a girl he knew, thinking she was pregnant. She wasn't. Then he did it again. Two weeks later. Same girl. (he's forgetful sometimes).

[sexypanda]

In middle school our class was disecting frogs. It was the middle of the summer and the classroom was unbelievably hot. This fat girl sitting next to me says, "Wow, I'm hot." To which I responded, "Whaaa... no you're not!!"


... and then she stabbed me.

Seriously

[James Boston]

Me and 3 or 4 other buddies met this group of 12 girls one spring break and took them to the strip club. I was trying to act like a high roller so I was buying them all drinks, and what not. So I say, "Let's get some lap dances." One of the girls, with a huge rack, says, "Sure, I'll give you one." Without processing what she had said, I just blurted out, "No, I'll buy YOU the lap dance."

Another trip to the beach and drunk James developes (actaully steals from a Seinfeld episode) a plan to engage girls in conversation without the typical "I'm trying to hook up with you" banter. I convince my equally drunk friends this is a good idea. The plan is to pick the mark and wait until she/they walks by. At this point my buddy and I begin to argue, and ask her to help settle a bet/debate. This way we don't seem as interested in her as we do the arguement, making us appear less threatening. I know, I know, I was drunk. Finally, a buddy and I try this out. We start to argue as she walks by, and I stop her. At this point I choke, and realize I should have scripted a default bet. So I've asked her to settle a bet, but can't think of a bet, or for that matter anything to say at all. At this point my buddy has already turned his back, as he knows I'm about to crash and burn. All I can come up with is, "Who played Luke Skywalker?" She looks at me as serious as she can and says, "Is this all you do? Is this how you talk to girls? You know you're f***ing ugly?"

[Shajen]

[ QUOTE ]
She looks at me as serious as she can and says, "Is this all you do? Is this how you talk to girls? You know you're f***ing ugly?"

[/ QUOTE ]

pwned.

Damn dude, that's friggin harsh.

[meep_42]

That's awesome.

-d

[Mano]

This happened to a friend of mine, and he was misguided enough to share with his friends:

My friend was making out with his girlfriend, and the shirt and bra came off. She had rather large breasts and they were hanging over him, and he wanted to pay her a compliment on them. So he tells her "You look like a cow". I guess it seemed like a good idea at the time /images/graemlins/wink.gif .

[tpir90036]

Here is my story. I have always had a reputation as being the dumbest smart person in the world... no common sense, slow thinker, etc.... and this falls right in line.

So I am out drinking with my roommate, his girlfriend and her friends. My roommate takes his girl home and lets me take home one of her cute friends who seems mildly interested. We get back to her house and all of a sudden she gets all freaky... almost coming on a little too strong like I was on some sort of hidden camera show. And this conversation takes place:

Her: Do you want to **** me?
Me: Is this a trick question?
Her: (moment totally killed) *sigh* Forget it.

oops.

[Rick Diesel]

[ QUOTE ]
A friend of mine said "congratulations" to a girl he knew, thinking she was pregnant. She wasn't. Then he did it again. Two weeks later. Same girl. (he's forgetful sometimes).

[/ QUOTE ]

I might have to go with, "So when are you due?" Said to a thin chick with a large gut, that was not pregnant. I will never make that mistake again.

[ZeeJustin]

I don't know what the dumbest thing I ever said was, but here's the dumbest thing I've ever done.

MY FIRST KISS:
I was playing dodgeball on the blacktop in kindergarden. I tripped and fell to the ground. A girl that I barely knew walked up to me and kissed me while I was down. I stood up, and puched her in the face.

[Rick Diesel]

"Let me get my cock between those fat titties"

Apparently chicks don't like you to reference any part of them as fat.

[schwza]

[ QUOTE ]
MY FIRST KISS:
I was playing dodgeball on the blacktop in kindergarden. I tripped and fell to the ground. A girl that I barely knew walked up to me and kissed me while I was down. I stood up, and puched her in the face.

[/ QUOTE ]

that's the funniest thing i've read in a long time.

[Moyer]

/images/graemlins/laugh.gif Easily the funniest thing I've read in weeks, maybe months.

[Gamblor]

I have a longstanding inside joke with a buddy, where the term bangin' bitches is synonymous with any sort of high roller activity - i.e. buying a bottle of champagne at a nightclub (this is the kind of thing you can afford when you play poker g00t and have no dependents).

Where does it come from?

We were at a bar sitting with mutual friends. They're good people, except for one of their out-of-towner cousins, a real grrrrrl, one of those feminist types but not even good looking. Just militant. A conversation had come up before about government and she went off on a tirade about the male-dominated blah blah blah. I feigned interest, but kept my mouth shut as I didn't want to offend anyone out of respect for our buddy.

So she starts off on a camp she went to, how she used to go and do all sorts of wonderful creative things at a special arts camp or something. She ends the thought and I pipe up.

"Yeah, I remember camp as some of the best times of my life... you know what we used to do at camp?"

She suddenly perks up at the me. In my best, deepest Shaq voice I go:

"WE BANG BITCHES."

[jason_t]

Yeah, that is dumb.

[DcifrThs]

my brother and i loved the adam sandler movie happy gilmore and would joke around calling each other chubbs...

like, "what up chubbs?" and "hey chubbs, gimme that xyz."

well one day, my ex and i were in the kitchen and i had just gotten through with an hilarious phone conversation with my little b and lo and behold i needed a pot from the cabinet that she was standing next to..

so i say, "woulda do me a favor and hand me that pot in there, chubbs."

as is the case always, i realized my mistake after i made it and she flipped out. i couldn't even begin to recover from the bashing i took from that mistake...really stupid, we are clearly no longer together...but not because i called her chubbs...i dontthink...

-Barron

[SenecaJim]

" Who, her? No, we didn't have sex, she just gave me a blowjob. It didn't mean anything".

[Gamblor]

wow, now i have two personal trolls.

i envision a whole virtual entourage of personal trolls everywhere i go.

[jar]

"No, we don't have any whipped cream"

This wasn't me, but a friend in college. Colin, Mike, and Kyle(and some others) shared a campus apartment. One saturday night, two girls wandered over from a party next door. These girls were very hot, and very intoxicated. They were drinking Mike's pucker (mike wasn't even there, he's just glad they didn't know enough to drink any of the good liquor). They ask Kyle if they have any whipped cream. He looks in the fridge, and seeing none, speaks the infamous line. The girls leave, and Colin and Kyle go to bed. Mike gets back the next day, and the story is recounted. He points out that there was in fact whipped cream in the fridge, on the bottom right in the back. Colin still hasn't forgiven Kyle to this day.

[cnfuzzd]

[ QUOTE ]
I don't know what the dumbest thing I ever said was, but here's the dumbest thing I've ever done.

MY FIRST KISS:
I was playing dodgeball on the blacktop in kindergarden. I tripped and fell to the ground. A girl that I barely knew walked up to me and kissed me while I was down. I stood up, and puched her in the face.

[/ QUOTE ]

suprizingly, i did this same thing last week....

peace

john nickle

[asofel]

[ QUOTE ]
Yeah, that is dumb.

[/ QUOTE ]

ZeeJustin had top prize for a second. You sir have stolen it away.

[James Boston]

It caught me off guard. Usually I have no trouble with some smart ass repsonse to a statement like that. She, on the other hand, left me speechless.

[James Boston]

What did you do to the girl who gave you your first hummer?

[Matty]

When I was 19 I flew with a girl back to her home for Thanksgiving. At some point she and her mom were talking about how dimples were cute, and I was asked my opinion. I said dimples are just fat cheeks. To which the mom replies "I have dimples". I didn't even attempt a recovery.

[Awesemo]

"You're ugly but you intrigue me."

[beerbandit]

i thought you wre supposed to punch them in the back of the head......

[ilya]

Hahaha, that's funny. But you sound like an [censored].

[asofel]

[ QUOTE ]
"You're ugly but you intrigue me."

[/ QUOTE ]

i call bullshit. details?

[offTopic]

I doubt anyone even got this, so it was wasted - high school house party...and as a preemptive measure to all the smartasses on the forum, I was also in high school when this happened. /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

A bunch of buddies and myself roll up, and this notoriously unattractive girl meets the door knock. She is drunk and hugs every guy that walks up. She gets to me, hugs me, and says, "It's been so long!" I reply, "Believe me, it's been longer."

[Edge34]

Dumbest thing I ever said, in retrospect?

Tie between "I love you" and "This is my best buddy".

The latter part is a long story, but let it suffice to say not EVERYONE believes in "bros before hoes".

Of course, life is better with the new girl than it was with that one, so I guess the universe tends to unfold as it should. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[asofel]

[ QUOTE ]
I doubt anyone even got this, so it was wasted - high school house party...and as a preemptive measure to all the smartasses on the forum, I was also in high school when this happened. /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

well done

[CostaRicaBill]

I was training for a new job with a group of other new employees for a job while I was in college. So the second morning of training, the only cute girl in the group comes in with these big bags under her eyes. Then, for some reason, due to lack of sleep or common sense I tell this girl I hardly know in front of everyone, "whoa, it looks like you got punched in the face," to which the room silences and whole group looks at me in bewilderment. Then stunned, I follow up with, "what, you've just got these huge bags under your eyes."

[asofel]

"so last night, when we were having sex, i swear to god, between the lighting and the fact that i was stoned as hell, you looked just like your twin sister.......you don't find that funny?"

/never think its a compliment to tell a girl she almost looks like her hotter twin sister....and that for a few minutes it really looked like you were bangin her...

[SenecaJim]

[ QUOTE ]
i thought you wre supposed to punch them in the back of the head......

[/ QUOTE ]

you are thinking of the infamous donkey punch delivered from the doggie position. It really does stun them, it's intriguing.

[antidan444]

[ QUOTE ]
I was training for a new job with a group of other new employees for a job while I was in college. So the second morning of training, the only cute girl in the group comes in with these big bags under her eyes. Then, for some reason, due to lack of sleep or common sense I tell this girl I hardly know in front of everyone, "whoa, it looks like you got punched in the face," to which the room silences and whole group looks at me in bewilderment. Then stunned, I follow up with, "what, you've just got these huge bags under your eyes."

[/ QUOTE ]

Oh yes. The "I've already dug the hole, now let's make it a little deeper" trick. I've done this many, many times ... inevitably the follow-up line that's supposed to save your ass actually makes things worse. I've found I'm better off just shutting up.

Funny story, btw. There've been a few gems. I thank everyone for sharing.

[SenecaJim]

at the movies, matinee no less. " would you like some of my popcorn , snicker, snicker."

actually , it wasn't a dumb thing to say, just do. The leftover salt can sting like crazy if you're not careful what you are doing.

[deacsoft]

I spent a lot of time thinking about this. I was trying to think of something I said that I got the short end of. It turns out that the dumbest thing I've ever said to a girl may have screwed things up for a buddy of mine and me. Anyway here's the story.

Back in my college days I landed this date with a super hot waitress from one of the fancier resturants in town. I was a little drunk at the time of making this date with her and was quite bold in doing so. I was sure that she was a little out of my leauge, but later thought that my confidence may have helped her to agree.

The day of the date I was going to be picking her up from work. I had to wait until about 11:00pm to do that. Meaning, I had a bunch of time to kill. So, of course, I went to the bar. While there I end up having a few drinks and then get into a heads-up game of ship-captin-crew (a dice game that takes about 3 minutes per game when playing 1 on 1) with a buddy of mine. We play about 20 games and each game is followed by a shot. It didn't hit me right away so I went around to mingle with some other friends in the bar. After another hour or so I'm completely wasted. One of my friends is trying to hook with this fairly hot girl who is there with some friends. This is when the drunken deacsoft decided to try to help his friend get laid and went over to talk to this girl.

I walk over and introduce myself. I start asking her if she likes my friend and wants to hook up with him. She's interested and lets me know. i should have stopped right there but I start going on and on about what a great guy he is, etc, etc. In the middle of a sentence I stop and point at my friend who is across the bar talking to one of this girls friends, who is just huge. I say, "Look at him. You know he's into you. He's even standing over there talking to your fat friend. i would never do that." She was not impressed and her and her friends left shortly after. my buddy thought it was halarious but was still a little pissed that I cock-blocked him.

So, now it's time for me to leave to pick up my date. I meet her at the resturant and after only a brief time she emerges and comes to my car. We drive to where she was parked so she could get some suff from her car. She did and got back in with me. The car never moved again until I drove home alone. We were sitting in my car for a while just talking. I'm not quite sure what I said to her but it couldn't have been good and was maybe more stupid then what I had said at the bar earlier. So, the first two times ever seeing this girl I was drunk. It must have made quite an impression. Luckily we talked a few days later (I was sober) and I managed to get another try. We went out a few times and had fun but nothing much ever developed.

[Tyler Durden]

I don't think this is really dumb, it was just funny...

A few weeks after I turned 21 I was at a strip club in DC w/ some friends, it was a Thursday night and the place was mostly empty. The chick is done w/ her dance on the stage and begins to make the rounds, trying to collect tips. When she gets to my table she sticks her hand out and I shake it and say "good job."

She then bitches me out and calls me a [censored] and says that she's up there shaking her tits and ass, I should get a g/f if I'm going to be a cheap ass blah blah blah....I was so stunned and then I just started cracking up which pissed her off more and she tried to get me thrown out. I think I told her I had seen better legs on a table as she walked away. Good times.

And no, I didn't tip her after that.

[nothumb]

[ QUOTE ]
The chick is done w/ her dance on the stage and begins to make the rounds, trying to collect tips.

[/ QUOTE ]

Shouldn't she collect the tips while on stage, then come over and sit on your lap and offer you a lap dance? Granted I have limited titty bar experience but I have never seen a dancer do this. I'd probably have just looked at her in confusion until she punched me.

NT

[meep_42]

Good Guys?
(And DC is really odd about the strip-club etiquitte.)

-d

[asofel]

[ QUOTE ]
Good Guys?
(And DC is really odd about the strip-club etiquitte.)

-d

[/ QUOTE ]

they definitely do that kind of thing at camelot. dance for a while, get tipped, then walk around and make you feel like you have to give them more.

[wacki]

Ugh.... Right now I'm sitting next to a very pretty girl.

I told her she didn't look like chemistry major. She asked my why. I thought to my self "Tell her she's too pretty to be stuck in the lab all day, she's too pretty to be stuck in a lab all day!!!!"

What came out?

"You don't have a third eyeball."

Smooth..... Wacki is a [censored] moron.

[GrekeHaus]

I was in Madison last summer on a weekend trip with some of my buddies and we went around barhopping. At the last bar, I said that I wasn't really that drunk, so everybody I was with decided to buy me a drink. Then, I bought myself a drink and before you knew it, I was drunk.

At some point, one of my buddies and I decide to go talk to some women that are near by. I have NO idea what I said to them, but the first words out of one of their mouths were:

"Alright, you've already blown it."

Oops.

[Kenrick]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Without a doubt, the answer is, "I love you."

[/ QUOTE ]

This is so clearly and obviously the correct answer that NO OTHER ANSWER came to mind.

Anyone who cannot see the destructive force of these three words hasn't lived enough.

I wasn't even going to post my response, assuming that everyone had answered the same.

A brief perusal of the responses leads me to believe that everyone here lives in a beer commercial, a sitcom, or a fairy tale.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yes. Unless you don't actually mean it, in which case, it's ok to say. I am too honest to say it if I don't mean it, and so of course that gets me into trouble that a dishonest person wouldn't have to deal with because women are dumb.

This goes hand-in-hand with "the truth" as an answer. Women do not want that. I know they don't want that. Yet I give them that. I am dumb.

[whiskeytown]

no [censored] - worst thing ever to say...

that's when they break up with you.

RB

[FoxwoodsFiend]

It's okay...even if they overturn Roe v. Wade I can afford to fly you to a state where it's still legal

[SuitedSixes]

In High School, we're doing the Pendulum lab where you have two short iron rods, one long iron rod, and two steel spheres. The hottest girl in the glass, Holly, didn't have a complete lab setup. The teacher asked if anyone had any extra pieces, which I did, and I yelled across the class, "Yeah Holly, I got a long one and two balls." It took a few seconds for me to figure out why everyone was laughing.

Last summer I took a trip to Reno and I had been kind of play-flirting with one of the girls that went along, not sure if I wanted to hook up with her or not. She called me in my room in the middle of the night and said she was coming over. Before I hung up the phone I muttered, "$hit, how am I gonna get myself outta this one?" It wasn't a problem after that.

[Catch of the Day]

"So you don't want a fish sandwich?"

Catch-

[Vern]

"Let me put this in words you can understand."

Mine too forgave me and married me. I guess that is my punishment.

[Rushmore]

So true.

When you deal with women, you must understand that there is no room for error. Every conversation is a negotiation, and every emotion is a nuclear device, regardless of the tone of the conversation. You will not be permitted to forget or retract anything you say, and you will (obviously) not be permitted the opportunity to clarify or expand upon your response.

Just don't say anything. It's probably the safest thing.

It's war, baby.

[Mofugga]

Well, this wasn't said by me...but it was done said by a friend of mine while sitting around at our junior prom, drinking with our dates. My date has been wearing a nice dress, that evidently used to have a flower sewn onto it. Evidently it fell off dancing or something.
Anyway, my buddy was the first to notice this phenomenon, turns to me and my dates and says, "Oh, so I see he deflowered you." /images/graemlins/blush.gif
The rest of the night was spent in an awkward silence...

[TheJackal]

On one of my friends birthdays, we were drinking at his place and after awhile I was pretty drunk. Anyways a quasi-nasty girl I had been chatting with earlier (sober) walked by to grab a beer which was at the nearby cooler. I yelled at her, "I have no standards". She turned and gave me a nasty look and walked off. My friends started laughing, and I didn't think it was all that funny, I was being sincere in my drunken state.

[Matty]

Oh, I've also called every girl that I've ever dated for a period greater than one month by the name of an ex-girlfriend. I'm 9 for 9. Now I warn them that it's gonna happen within the first week of dating. I pay a smaller price that way. I'm trying to teach myself to always use 'baby' or 'honey' instead of names.

But you can't say to a third party "yeah, baby and I have been dating for two months", so I mostly use another name which works and I can not reveal here because it's so ingenious that I can't risk my plan spreading.

Edit: Oh, another time you can't use 'baby' 'honey' or my secret name: when you're fighting. That's when th ex-girlfriend's name usually slips- making a bad situation much worse. Dunno what to do about that one.

[asofel]

you can reveal the name? you know you have to now...internet forum decorum requires it...

and i don't think it was so much that it was another girl that i was mentioning as the fact that it was her hotter twin sister...

[Matty]

[ QUOTE ]
you can reveal the name? you know you have to now...internet forum decorum requires it...

[/ QUOTE ]"Grace"; definitely a +EV name to use for your girlfriend- especially when her friends and family hear it or of it.

I've got the Indiana patent rights on it though.

[antidan444]

[ QUOTE ]
"Grace"; definitely a +EV name to use for your girlfriend- especially when her friends and family hear it or of it.

[/ QUOTE ]

I can't get away with this ... My wife's best friend's name is Grace.

Another funny factoid about my wife ... for the first week I knew her (leading up to the first date), I had no clue what her name was. Zero. We exchanged like 14 e-mails and somehow I got around the issue well enough until the night of our first date, at the pool hall, a friend of hers saw her and hollered, "Liz!" Problem solved /images/graemlins/wink.gif

[asofel]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
you can reveal the name? you know you have to now...internet forum decorum requires it...

[/ QUOTE ]"Grace"; definitely a +EV name to use for your girlfriend- especially when her friends and family hear it or of it.

I've got the Indiana patent rights on it though.

[/ QUOTE ]

hmmm...i think the lack of coffee has clouded the obviously +EV nature of this name...care to elaborate?

I'd just use Shania and send her to Sredni if she complained...

[FoxwoodsFiend]

Wow...I can't believe you think Grace is some sort of stroke of genius.

[B00T]

[ QUOTE ]
I've got the Indiana patent rights on it though.

[/ QUOTE ]

I bet 99% of guys wouldnt care if you had it patented throughout the planet.

[GreywolfNYC]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Dumbest thing you ever said to a girl

[/ QUOTE ]

Will you marry me?

[/ QUOTE ]

[deacsoft]

I thought of another one. This may not be the worst dumbest but could be the funniest/meanist thing I've ever said to a girl(s).

I was at a bar with a bunch of friends and we were all pretty well drunk. The girl who I was dating at the time and I were on the verge of breaking up so I was out with the boys to let off some steam. I was feling very anti-girl at the time and decided to let some steam off on a random group of girls that were all dolled up. You know the type. They're fat and unattractive but yet they get all done up in stylish clothes and make up. They're done up in a way that if any attractive girl would be done up like that they'd look hot. One of my friends, who was wearing beer goggles at the time, was having a conversation with them. I walked over to him, grabbed him, pulled him away, gave each of the girls an up and down glance, and then said (in my most sarcastic voice)"Thanks for trying". I paused for a moment to take in the shocked look on their faces and then turned and walked away. My friend said one of them flipped me off behind my back and the others just stood there in disbelief.

[Lawrence Ng]

[ QUOTE ]
Dumbest thing you ever said to a girl


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



The truth...

[/ QUOTE ]

Aye Bro.

Lawrence

[Lawrence Ng]

[ QUOTE ]
I was playing dodgeball on the blacktop in kindergarden. I tripped and fell to the ground. A girl that I barely knew walked up to me and kissed me while I was down. I stood up, and puched her in the face.


[/ QUOTE ]

[MarkL444]

one time i called my girlfriend a walking trend. we are no longer together.

[Lawrence Ng]

[ QUOTE ]
Dumbest thing you ever said to a girl

[/ QUOTE ]

Sitting at sports betting bar at the Bellagio, I was approached by a working girl that really tried to fish me for a f*ck. I was half drunk, told her that it was too much, but she wouldn't give up and then I just to her to go away and leave me alone.

2 minutes later, I get a tap on the shoulder, half pissed drunk, half pissed cuz my Canucks were losing 2-1 to the St. Louis Blues in Game 6.

I get a tap on my shoulder and then let a hollar, "LOOK, I'LL DO IT FOR $300, NO MORE..$500 IS A [censored] RIP OFF OK!?"

I turn around, it's my GF.

Lawrence.

[Freakin]

Priceless.

[DemonDeac]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Dumbest thing you ever said to a girl

[/ QUOTE ]

Sitting at sports betting bar at the Bellagio, I was approached by a working girl that really tried to fish me for a f*ck. I was half drunk, told her that it was too much, but she wouldn't give up and then I just to her to go away and leave me alone.

2 minutes later, I get a tap on the shoulder, half pissed drunk, half pissed cuz my Canucks were losing 2-1 to the St. Louis Blues in Game 6.

I get a tap on my shoulder and then let a hollar, "LOOK, I'LL DO IT FOR $300, NO MORE..$500 IS A [censored] RIP OFF OK!?"

I turn around, it's my GF.

Lawrence.

[/ QUOTE ]

thats actually pretty f'in funny

[wacki]

Did she know what you were talking about lawrence?

[Dr. Strangelove]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Dumbest thing you ever said to a girl

[/ QUOTE ]

Sitting at sports betting bar at the Bellagio, I was approached by a working girl that really tried to fish me for a f*ck. I was half drunk, told her that it was too much, but she wouldn't give up and then I just to her to go away and leave me alone.

2 minutes later, I get a tap on the shoulder, half pissed drunk, half pissed cuz my Canucks were losing 2-1 to the St. Louis Blues in Game 6.

I get a tap on my shoulder and then let a hollar, "LOOK, I'LL DO IT FOR $300, NO MORE..$500 IS A [censored] RIP OFF OK!?"

I turn around, it's my GF.

Lawrence.

[/ QUOTE ]

Wow. That is awesome.

[Tyler Durden]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Good Guys?
(And DC is really odd about the strip-club etiquitte.)

-d

[/ QUOTE ]

they definitely do that kind of thing at camelot. dance for a while, get tipped, then walk around and make you feel like you have to give them more.

[/ QUOTE ]

It was at Joanna's 1819 club, two doors down from Camelot. Nothumb, they don't do lapdances in DC. I know man. What a sham.

[nothumb]

WTF, why would you ever go to a strip club where you can't get a perfumed, lubricated ass rubbed against your worst pair of pants?

BTW, do you ever wear sweatpants without underwear and 'get your money's worth' ??

NT

[somethingstupid]

[ QUOTE ]
On a first date, after a long night of drinking, during a conversation I got myself stuck and had to say "uh, what was your name again?"

Russ

[/ QUOTE ]

Welcome to the story of my life