Your Girl Friends Abortion (edited)

[KaneKungFu123]

She had one. Im not sure how exactly I feel about it. At first it felt very wrong, like I wanted to get down on my knees and ask forgiveness from the God I dont believe in. But after a few days and alot of thought, it really didnt seem that bad at all. Anyone else been here?

edit: any responses are welcomed, as i would never try to censor ones right to speak, but this (hopefully) isnt a thread for arguing the morality or ethics of an abortion, but rather the opinions and experiences of the individuals who have lived through this scenerio.

the intersting thing is that if the girl wanted it, id have been fine with it. i left everything up to her, the way men seem to leave things up to women. while thinking about having it, i thought about my father and how much he gave up to raise me, and now i hate his guts. what a [censored] up world.

[[censored]]

[ QUOTE ]
She had one. Im not sure how exactly I feel about it. At first it felt very wrong, like I wanted to get down on my knees and ask forgiveness from the God I dont believe in. But after a few days and alot of thought, it really didnt seem that bad at all. Anyone else been here?

[/ QUOTE ]

Like before you met her? or recently.

[tdarko]

not my gf but my buddy and his girl had one and it wasnt tough on him as it was on her, she regrets it to this day.

i dont know your situation so no judgements will be passed here, gl man.

[nothumb]

This is super heavy dude. I'm not sure how OOT will respond. But probably better than Politics would. Note to all Politics trolls: just go away, we like our forum friendly. Or we try to.

I was very young once and a girl had an abortion. She lived far away and didn't consult me. I felt worse for knocking her up than I did about the abortion.

My girlfriend won't have one if she gets pregnant, which I respect.

NT

[BusterStacks]

Yes.

[KaneKungFu123]

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[ QUOTE ]
She had one. Im not sure how exactly I feel about it. At first it felt very wrong, like I wanted to get down on my knees and ask forgiveness from the God I dont believe in. But after a few days and alot of thought, it really didnt seem that bad at all. Anyone else been here?

[/ QUOTE ]

Like before you met her? or recently.

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i guess she had our abortion.

[KaneKungFu123]

[ QUOTE ]
This is super heavy dude. I'm not sure how OOT will respond. But probably better than Politics would. Note to all Politics trolls: just go away, we like our forum friendly. Or we try to.

I was very young once and a girl had an abortion. She lived far away and didn't consult me. I felt worse for knocking her up than I did about the abortion.

My girlfriend won't have one if she gets pregnant, which I respect.

NT

[/ QUOTE ]

yes. i felt very bad for her. abortions arent as simple of a medical process as id previously expected.

[[censored]]

OK I can't really tell by your post if she told that she was pregnant before hand or not. I will assume she did but if she didn't then I would probably dump her.

Assuming you knew she was pregnant and that you had some type of discussion then it really depends on how you feel about abortion. If you feel it's murder then I think you will ultimately have to be either able to forgive or break up. I don't think you should guitly if this is how you feel.

What ever you decide I think it is important to keep in mind that this was your responsibility as well. Thus, even if you can't continue the relationship as is, it would be cool if you at least attempted to provide some support.

Tough spot man, best wishes.

[[censored]]

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[ QUOTE ]
She had one. Im not sure how exactly I feel about it. At first it felt very wrong, like I wanted to get down on my knees and ask forgiveness from the God I dont believe in. But after a few days and alot of thought, it really didnt seem that bad at all. Anyone else been here?

[/ QUOTE ]

Like before you met her? or recently.

[/ QUOTE ]

i guess she had our abortion.

[/ QUOTE ]

It would bother me dude, probably a lot. If you love her then I guess you try and work it out but to me having one without me knowing would be really tough to get over. I would always think if she doesn't come to me with something this big what else do I not know.

how old are you?

[KaneKungFu123]

[ QUOTE ]
OK I can't really tell by your post if she told that she was pregnant before hand or not. I will assume she did but if she didn't then I would probably dump her.

Assuming you knew she was pregnant and that you had some type of discussion then it really depends on how you feel about abortion. If you feel it's murder then I think you will ultimately have to be either able to forgive or break up. I don't think you should guitly if this is how you feel.

What ever you decide I think it is important to keep in mind that this was your responsibility as well. Thus, even if you can't continue the relationship as is, it would be cool if you at least attempted to provide some support.

Tough spot man, best wishes.

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yes. she told me about it, and i felt 100% responsible. she wanted to use the pull out method, and i went along with it.

her reasons for not wanting it are as follows:

we are too young. we have no money.

i feel very bad for her because she loves children. shes had a coue of nightmares since this has happened. and shes been in horible physical condition since.

she is a sweetheart, and i actually think this brought us closer than farther apart.

thx for the solid advice. im 19 btw.

[peachy]

Well, in many cases they r a much needed thing, and i know i am going to get bashed for this. Im not saying by any means use them as a form of birth control, but accidents do happen.

The emotion u felt about it is 20 times more for ur girl, so support her all that u can, but everyone is different. This decision wouldnt phase me much, and i am a girl, but like i said everyone is very different in how they mentally handle things. The way i would get through this kinda stuff (i dont believe in a "God") is to just know that there r reasons for everything and i will have child sometime in the future at the "right" time with the right partner.

But like i said, just be there for her mentally and support her if she is having any issues, and reassure her that you do not doubt the choice, this will help her. Even if u question it only harm will come from expressing this in the early stages after an abortion when things r still super sensitive, for the decision cannot be undone

[[censored]]

Best of luck.

[KaneKungFu123]

[ QUOTE ]
Well, in many cases they r a much needed thing, and i know i am going to get bashed for this. Im not saying by any means use them as a form of birth control, but accidents do happen.

The emotion u felt about it is 20 times more for ur girl, so support her all that u can, but everyone is different. This decision wouldnt phase me much, and i am a girl, but like i said everyone is very different in how they mentally handle things. The way i would get through this kinda stuff (i dont believe in a "God") is to just know that there r reasons for everything and i will have child sometime in the future at the "right" time with the right partner.

But like i said, just be there for her mentally and support her if she is having any issues, and reassure her that you do not doubt the choice, this will help her. Even if u question it only harm will come from expressing this in the early stages after an abortion when things r still super sensitive, for the decision cannot be undone

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yes. the shitty thing of course is the guilt that will always be with us. if we had the baby. once it was born we'd love it and all, and say that it was the right decision.

yet at the same time we i feel right now that we made the right decision.

i dont believe in god either. before this i had no problems with abortion and viewed it as birth control (naively). the medical process itself isnt that simple, and once you touch her warm and stomach and think that your chidl is growing inside, the games are all over.

[peachy]

MAKE SURE she gets on the pill or the shot after this and USE a condom as well if it makes u feel better. There is NO excuse not to use protection, the pull out method isnt worth a poo!! Come on now!! If u want the full effect of sex I say get her to get depo shots of have the pills implanted in her arm, etc. then u dont have to worry about "pulling out". And the shot is once every 3 months and the pills under the skin last much much longer - both have a very high efficency rate but can mess with ur body some. U have to weight ur options and concequences if u plan to have sex but arent ready for kids. Either use a reliable contraceptive or dont have sex anymore.

Personally, i take the depo shot b/c i always forget to take birth control pills and thats a HUGE no no to forget. But everyones different, pick one thats fits her/ur lifestyle the best

[KaneKungFu123]

[ QUOTE ]
MAKE SURE she gets on the pill or the shot after this and USE a condom as well if it makes u feel better. There is NO excuse not to use protection, the pull out method isnt worth a poo!! Come on now!! If u want the full effect of sex I say get her to get depo shots of have the pills implanted in her arm, etc. then u dont have to worry about "pulling out". And the shot is once every 3 months and the pills under the skin last much much longer - both have a very high efficency rate but can mess with ur body some. U have to weight ur options and concequences if u plan to have sex but arent ready for kids. Either use a reliable contraceptive or dont have sex anymore.

Personally, i take the depo shot b/c i always forget to take birth control pills and thats a HUGE no no to forget. But everyones different, pick one thats fits her/ur lifestyle the best

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yes. we'll be on the pill next month I promise.

are you still supposed to use condoms with the pill?

god i hate condoms. there isnt anything less intimate then a piece of rubber seperation.

[peachy]

All i can say is i hope u learned from this and u made the right decision. Ur guilt is a mental thing u have to overcome, ud feel much more guilty if u brought a child into this world unprepaired with an endless amount of things that could go wrong. Ur going down a bad path with this, one where u and her r going to have too much regret

[tdarko]

depo shot is horrible for you but great for the guy, my ex was on that and she was periodless the entire 3 years i was with her...wow what bliss.

[peachy]

No u dont HAVE to use a condom but when i was on the pill i still did sometimes anyway even though i dont like sex with condoms, but it was an EXTRA covering of mah butt cause i knew i did not want kids for many yrs to come yet. This is why i am now on depo, it is more effective so i dont worry as much and i dont have to REMEMBER to take pills DAILY

[KaneKungFu123]

i think ill stick to the pill...

[peachy]

[ QUOTE ]
depo shot is horrible for you but great for the guy, my ex was on that and she was periodless the entire 3 years i was with her...wow what bliss.

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Depo isnt bad on me at all...the only thing is it messed with ur body a bit AND u have to get off it for AT LEAST 6 months BEFORE u plan on having children b/c it messes with ur cycle so bad, i wouldnt recommend staying on this for over 5 yrs at a time (thats a personal recommendation i do not know what a medical recommendation would be so ask a doctor)

[BusterStacks]

I think i'll stick to luck.

[tdarko]

you should really check into it peachy b/c my ex is now a nurse and found out all the little details her doctor failed to mention when she got on it. i wish i could remember what she said about it cause i am too lazy to google it for you and try to find out, anyway gl and i hope you stay healthy

[peachy]

o i know all the dangers, ive researched it too, i hate medicine and doctors so i super look into it before i let them do a thing, and like i said yeah it messes with u bad, but it was worth the pros vs the cons to me FOR now

[tdarko]

thats cool i understand, just didn't want to withhold any info that could potentially harm someone is all.
my ex was on it for 3 years (easiest for her at the time too) and she is fine, i am thinking you have to be on it for a long period of time for it to cause harm.

[peachy]

heheh im hoping thats true like i said too!! but everyones bodies r different, some can go on it and then never be able to have children, overall my body bounces back pretty well to alot of things that r put into it, so i guess only time will tell!! Im glad shes ok!!

[fimbulwinter]

That has to be a tough spot.

I'll tell you what I've told the two people i know who have had them: Though I'm personally and politically pro life, nobody has the right to look down on you because of this. Anyone who says they do opposes abortion for the wrong reasons.

fim

[daveymck]

I think the mental effects on woman who have abortions are played down and not mentioned as much as they should be. Most woman will have pangs of guilt for the rest of her life.

As the deed is done there is little to say, you dont say how long been together how close you are, whether she discussed it with you etc etc, I suspect emotionally it is probably easier for you to take. However in later life when you have a child of your own it may hit you then what you have lost.

My sister had a child at 17 (and another at 19) got married and in essence at that time ruined her life, the lad she was with was not good for her and money was an issue etc etc etc, she ended up a single parent divorced with no job and little income, at one point she would give the kids beans on toast to eat and she would have the bean juice on her toast (if I had known I would obviously have done somthing about that). Life was a big struggle but now 10 years later she is back working married to a decent guy and I think would never have swopped those times or gone back and had an abortion.

But for some people it just isnt the right time, there is a lot of fear and risk in having children, it changes your life forever.

For the moment its a time for you to be supportive emotionally and give her time to come to terms with in effect her loss and just go from there.

[daveymck]

The pill (or some of them there are many variations) do have effects on woman as well, eg my girlfirend when on it her sex drive goes down, menaing its a bit pointless.

Its also genrally a bad drug to be on long term as if on loing term there are greater risks of breast cancer and other health issues.

[bernie]

Men have no say in the matter. It's ultimately the womans' choice. You can't force a woman not to have an abortion. If she's going to do it, she will find a way.

b

[rusty JEDI]

[ QUOTE ]
Men have no say in the matter. It's ultimately the womans' choice. You can't force a woman not to have an abortion. If she's going to do it, she will find a way.

b

[/ QUOTE ]

And if she wants to keep it you will pay.

Thats what sucks in my opinion. If you want it but she doesnt she gets rid of it. If you dont want it but she does she keeps it and you pay out of your wallet.

I am prolife though and think if she doesnt want it you should have the right to force her through pregnancy and keep it for yourself.

rJ

[The Dude]

Bernie,

Are you saying that men shouldn't have a way in the matter, or that they simply don't have a say?

[zephed56]

PSA: There are "morning after pills" that aren't abortion pills.

[sthief09]

I don't think they/we should have a say.

[sthief09]

yeah my gf has a slutbag friend who takes it raw dog and goes down to the health center to get those all the time

[The Dude]

Kane,
It's hard to put myself in that position - like you said, it's much different than you would have imagined. But one thing I am fairly certain of, is that I would be concerned she didn't tell me before getting the abortion. I don't know if it means she doesn't trust me, if she's too ashamed to tell me, if she's trying to protect me from having to be a part of it, or what her reason is, but I would be bothered by that.

I'm not saying that you should necessarily be bothered by it - I'm just saying that it would bother me.

[The Dude]

[ QUOTE ]
I don't think they/we should have a say.

[/ QUOTE ]
That is somewhat independent from whether or not it would/ should bother a guy if his current girlfriend got an abortion without telling him.

[Shajen]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I don't think they/we should have a say.

[/ QUOTE ]
That is somewhat independent from whether or not it would/ should bother a guy if his current girlfriend got an abortion without telling him.

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree with the Dude. (as usual)

For people that say the guy has no say, what if the scenario was changed to husband and wife?

Still have no say?

[astroglide]

men should have a say in it unless AT A MINIMUM a document that exonerates you from all obligations (financial and otherwise) to the child. it's ridiculous to say that you shouldn't have a decision in what will likely affect the rest of your life. i couldn't walk away from a kid but i would certainly hope that if somebody wanted to have one against my wishes that they would simply break up with me and disappear before the pregnancy was obvious. if i were a girl and i wanted to have a kid against my boyfriend's wishes that is probably what i would do.

[B00T]

My gf in college had an abortion. As someone stated, we were 19 as well, and couldnt afford the child etc etc. She was just upset about the whole situation, and I more or less convinced her not to have it. I told her if she wasnt sure if she wanted it, then its definitely not the right thing. If she was all about having it then there wasnt really much I can do.

It is a horrible, horrible situation to be in though. She was a little rocky physically a week after it, but she was ok.

And a note for "the shot" as someone mentioned, missed periods for YEARS, and a decrease in sex drive. It is a much worse option than the others available. From what I know as a guy, the shot is a craptacular alternative to the pill or patch.

[astroglide]

i didn't know a birth control discussion had ensued, but my gf is on the patch and it seems the best of all options by far

[peachy]

[ QUOTE ]
i didn't know a birth control discussion had ensued, but my gf is on the patch and it seems the best of all options by far

[/ QUOTE ]

doesnt work well on most girls

[astroglide]

what happens?

[jar]

[ QUOTE ]
she wanted to use the pull out method, and i went along with it.

[/ QUOTE ]
I felt for you until this line.

[bernie]

[ QUOTE ]
Are you saying that men shouldn't have a way in the matter, or that they simply don't have a say?

[/ QUOTE ]

It doesn't matter if a guy 'should' have a say in it. Bottom line is, it's the woman's choice. A guy can say what he wants, she ultimately makes the decision. Whether the guy agrees or not. This goes for both having a baby, or aborting it.

b

[bernie]

[ QUOTE ]
For people that say the guy has no say, what if the scenario was changed to husband and wife?

Still have no say?

[/ QUOTE ]

No. Being married doesn't change anything. A husband can't force his wife to follow his will just because he's married to her.

b

[Shajen]

what affects her affects you. I see your point Bernie, but I disagree with it.

And I didn't mean forcing her to do something she didn't want to.

[bernie]

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That is somewhat independent from whether or not it would/ should bother a guy if his current girlfriend got an abortion without telling him.

[/ QUOTE ]

True. But understanding the possibilities of events before going into something (sex) should be thought of a little in advance by someone.

Btw...this also goes for the g/f who decides to have the kid when the guy really doesn't want to have one. That tends to bother guys a bit also.

b

[bernie]

[ QUOTE ]
what affects her affects you. I see your point Bernie, but I disagree with it

[/ QUOTE ]

I didn't say it can't affect you. Sure it can.

However, I don't know how you can disagree that you have any final say in the matter. You don't.

b

[bernie]

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yeah my gf has a slutbag friend who takes it raw dog and goes down to the health center to get those all the time


[/ QUOTE ]

Is she free this friday night?

b

[johnnybeef]

Im very biased as i was adopted. My parents where 17 and 18 when they had me so im sure that the thought of abortion went through their minds when my biological mother was pregnant when they met me. Im 25 now so im old enough to support a child, but if it would have happened a few years ago, adoption would have been the only answer. The adoption screening process is VERY thourough. They do very vigarous backround checks to all but ensure that these babies land in great homes. I am perhaps the luckiest person alive as i landed into a very loving family with two parents who love each other after 35 years of marraige. Next time this situation occurs, hopefully i have persuaded you enough to consider giving the baby up.

johnny

[mike l.]

get a vasectomy and then screw whoever you like for the rest of your life without any worries of kids or abortions.