IndieMatty
02-11-2005, 03:13 PM
The Best College Prank Ever
This was originally supposed to be my Pooh Bah post. It’s actually now my temporary “Goodbye Post”. Instead of getting my own office as I may have mentioned a few times, I'm in cube hell. There was a space crunch, and my desk is now in full view of everyone. No way I can get 2+2 up on that piece. It sucks too because I’ve had a –200 BB downswing in the last 3 days and I needed some support. So I’ll say a temporary goodbye (sans occasional visits). I didn’t get to put too much effort into it, and I am not a writer obviously, but hopefully this is semi amusing to you guys. Thanks for all the amusement you guys have given me.
Here is a story, many have heard about as lore, but I as one of the original orchestrators, will now tell the tale of the of best college pranks ever. I altered minor details and names to keep it a tad anonymous.
Dateline December 1998. Ten young men going to a fairly prominent Catholic University in New York City are coming into their own. In a school without frats, these boys are known on campus as the closest thing to a frat. (Most people mean this as an insult – we looked at it as pride). From stealing tackling dummies from the football field to having humongous on-campus parties a la Back to School (on a dry campus); these ten gents were looking to cement their status in their University’s lore.
It started innocently enough, it was the last day of Finals for a few of us, what better way to celebrate then to take advantage of the Thirsty Thursdays at Bourbon Street in Manhattan. Cheap (almost free booze), a students dream. These Thursdays always ended in disaster. This time was different, there was a higher power working this night. Two of the young men, walked out of the bar with two young lasses. (Some say the divine interaction begins with that. On the way to the subway, the boys decided that walking into a sex store would be a fun cheap laugh, especially with the girls there. The foursome walked up and down the aisles, when one noticed a large, Caucasian - flesh colored, flexible, 11” rubber cock. For some reason, this “straight” male (who will always be questioned for making this the object of his desires) grabbed the rubber cock and tucked it inside his jacket. The other student, bound for greatness in his life, decided a distraction was needed. He ran up and down the aisles knocking over lube/pocket pussys and porn tapes. The boys ran out in glee, knowing this was the start of something big.
But what could come of this? I mean, it’s just a dildo right? In fact, many would think the young men would be mocked for having a large sexual toy in their common room. But oddly enough the dildo served many functions. (Except it’s “intended purpose” though, we were drinking a lot back then).
“LaMarr” as it began to be affectionately known was regarded as an object of humor. LaMarr would be routinely wedged outside the living room window for shocked on-lookers across from the main walk of campus. It would occasionally be thrown at one of the guys as form of berating. You were definitely pwned if one of your friends were able to slap you across the face with “LaMarr”.
LaMarr would be left in the corner as conversation piece. Often it would end up in a suitemates bed if he was expected to bring a girl home. LaMarr in itself was a useful prank.
But like all stars, it must explode for it to truly shine it’s brightest.
Things began to take a turn from the homoerotic as the universities Men’s Basketball team, started to gain some national exposure. For the first time in five years, the struggling program, led by a former NBA Head Coach would be playing a regionally televised game.
Obviously for a small school, this was a big deal. The school athletic department advertised a special offer, which all students with signs would get in free. The arena would be packed, the school rowdy, the only rational decision would be to display LaMarr to the world.
That Saturday was a sad day. Although the novelty of having an 11-inch floppy pink cock around the suite was wearing off, the loss of LaMarr would be bittersweet. Also, the realization that eight out of ten of us were on probation and would be definitely kicked out of school was a factor that no one considered. Who would be the one to throw LaMarr we asked? We needed someone with the immorality to shock the Catholic school with such a device, as well as the “nothing to lose” attitude.
Our man was Luke.
Luke was a close friend of mine outside of the “Group”. Everyone knew him and liked him, but he was a bit of a loner. He marched to the beat of his own drummer…. Constantly. From taking craps in the bathroom with his pants off to relishing the fact that he could steal 10 lighters a night while out at the bars, the man was definitely the right choice for the job. Best of all, he was already kicked off campus. When attempting a prank like this, no fear is not only preferred, but it is necessary.
While the Men’s Basketball team went through their pre-game shoot around, Luke and myself went through our plan of attack. The rafters would be the ideal spot to toss the dildo onto the court. The exit would be quick through a side fire door and the run off back to the dorm would be void of security presence. We both agreed that this would be the best route. I gave Luke an extra jacket, which he would remove upon exit of the gymnasium as to avoid recognition. The plan looked solid.
As we entered the gym, Luke clutched the dildo, down the length of his arm jacket (security would check for booze). It now had the words “___ IT” written down it’s massive length.
As the game began, Luke took his rightful place up in the rafters; the gym was packed to capacity. Since we were taping this for posterity, we all brought bizarre signs in order to get on television. Signs like, “Ghetto” and a huge Glamour Poster of Matt Damon – Saying “Matt Damon Sez.. GO ___!”. (See House of Pain Video – “Jump Around” to understand the joke). Besides appearing on television, our creative signs were a way to be able to take the attention away from our cock-throwing colleague if necessary. Only problem was, the game went on…”no dildo.”
We never actually discussed when LaMarr would be unleashed upon the world, or at least the 58,000 watching in the gym and on television. All I knew was that we would wait for the signal. The half had ended we were down by 6 and still no throw. During halftime, I retreated outside with Luke to discuss his strategy. We decided to change the escape route, and that he was to throw the dildo onto the court as he descended the steps. It was decided that during the first trip to the foul line for the home team, he would turn left, heave LaMarr towards the top of the key and hope for the best. We agreed that this would be the course of action that would allow for the greatest chance of hitting a basketball player with the dildo. We smoked a cigarette in silence. Knowing that this would be great.
GameTime:
With eleven minutes left the home team were trailing 53-42 to the visitor. The gym began to grow quiet, as so often was the case in these 3-19 seasons. At 10:48 a whistle blew, Senior-shooting guard J was fouled driving to the basket. . A favorite of many at the University, this diminutive 3-point specialist was known for his penchant for white women and white castle, and even better, making them pay for it.
As he approached the line, some say you could see a sudden movement from atop the rafters. I kept my eyes trained on the area, I could not make out Luke, I thought to myself; “he must have bailed, or got caught, crap maybe LaMarr got caught in one of the practice basketball nets that were held up to the ceiling”…. I started to sweat when my eye spotted it.
End over end, a large projectile floppily descended towards the paint.. As the guard began to practice his three point stroke, he was handed the ball, at that instant the dildo struck him square on the calf it seemed to fall gently and it’s final destination was perfectly atop the charity stripe.
Whistle blows, play halted. The crowd is a buzz, various members of the audience strain to see what was just thrown on the court. Many are laughing, some are angry. The players on the court are uncontrollably laughing. The home coach is laughing. The visiting coach is putting a towel over his face to hide his laughter. The crowd is murmuring. Children are questioning. Women are wanting. Students are laughing. Faculty is appalled. And somewhere Luke is smiling.
Luke, like so many others, would only see…what ESPN allowed them to see.
The Play by Play:
Jim: “Oops, play is halted, seems like one of the Fans here at the center has thrown something onto the court”
Scott: “Wow Jim that should not be in a College Basketball court”
Jim: “Scott, that shouldn’t be anywhere.”
The camera quickly pans away as the referee bends down to pick up the offending object. Focusing on the cheerleaders and the “Sixth Man Spirit Club”. The gym is just as the silent enough so that the court microphone can pick up , in the clearest possible voice, “HOLY SH<a href="" target="_blank"></a>IT, IT’S A FUC<a href="" target="_blank"></a>KING DILDO!” . Nervous laughter ensues. The sixth man club begins to chant ‘DILDO, DILDO”” alternately, just as the chants begins to be easily recognizeable, the network abruptly switches to a promo for next weeks featured match up.
In the arena, the referee picked up the offending cock. He held it as if it had spent the better part of the day in Liberace’s pooper. With ___ IT clearly displayed for all, the Referee summoned the home teams ball boy. A nice 13 yr old kid from the South Bronx, he asked him to dispose of it. The 13 yr old grabbed the dildo in such a nonchalant manner, as if to say, “[censored] dog, this ain’t no big deal”.
Once order was restored to the floor. The usual announcement was made for the fans to control themselves. The guard hit both free throws, and the home team begins a 17 – 4 run, closing out a thrilling victory on it’s first nationally televised game.
I write of this moment fondly. It was the culmination of 4 years of pranks and shenanigans. It was something to be proud of. The “Sixth Man” club tried to take credit for our antics, but people knew. But not because of our self perceived “legacy”. Apparently the weekend before we would drunkenly tell anyone who would listen (including the Men’s basketball team) that we would be throwing a dildo on the court. It’s amazing no one got in trouble; Luke got away with no problems, and was hailed as a hero in many circles. The story was told to a few when deemed appropriate. One of the proudest moments in my life was being able to tell this story to our dads while we were drinking the night before graduation. They got it. Many people spoke of our exploits, in fact there’s been a few copycat “LaMarrs” thrown, one in particular made it onto ESPN2 UCONN-Providence game. The thrower had heard the story from his brother. (Who is married to friend’s sister) He made sure to give credit where credit was due.
He wrote “Ram It” along the shaft.
Be good.
Matty
This was originally supposed to be my Pooh Bah post. It’s actually now my temporary “Goodbye Post”. Instead of getting my own office as I may have mentioned a few times, I'm in cube hell. There was a space crunch, and my desk is now in full view of everyone. No way I can get 2+2 up on that piece. It sucks too because I’ve had a –200 BB downswing in the last 3 days and I needed some support. So I’ll say a temporary goodbye (sans occasional visits). I didn’t get to put too much effort into it, and I am not a writer obviously, but hopefully this is semi amusing to you guys. Thanks for all the amusement you guys have given me.
Here is a story, many have heard about as lore, but I as one of the original orchestrators, will now tell the tale of the of best college pranks ever. I altered minor details and names to keep it a tad anonymous.
Dateline December 1998. Ten young men going to a fairly prominent Catholic University in New York City are coming into their own. In a school without frats, these boys are known on campus as the closest thing to a frat. (Most people mean this as an insult – we looked at it as pride). From stealing tackling dummies from the football field to having humongous on-campus parties a la Back to School (on a dry campus); these ten gents were looking to cement their status in their University’s lore.
It started innocently enough, it was the last day of Finals for a few of us, what better way to celebrate then to take advantage of the Thirsty Thursdays at Bourbon Street in Manhattan. Cheap (almost free booze), a students dream. These Thursdays always ended in disaster. This time was different, there was a higher power working this night. Two of the young men, walked out of the bar with two young lasses. (Some say the divine interaction begins with that. On the way to the subway, the boys decided that walking into a sex store would be a fun cheap laugh, especially with the girls there. The foursome walked up and down the aisles, when one noticed a large, Caucasian - flesh colored, flexible, 11” rubber cock. For some reason, this “straight” male (who will always be questioned for making this the object of his desires) grabbed the rubber cock and tucked it inside his jacket. The other student, bound for greatness in his life, decided a distraction was needed. He ran up and down the aisles knocking over lube/pocket pussys and porn tapes. The boys ran out in glee, knowing this was the start of something big.
But what could come of this? I mean, it’s just a dildo right? In fact, many would think the young men would be mocked for having a large sexual toy in their common room. But oddly enough the dildo served many functions. (Except it’s “intended purpose” though, we were drinking a lot back then).
“LaMarr” as it began to be affectionately known was regarded as an object of humor. LaMarr would be routinely wedged outside the living room window for shocked on-lookers across from the main walk of campus. It would occasionally be thrown at one of the guys as form of berating. You were definitely pwned if one of your friends were able to slap you across the face with “LaMarr”.
LaMarr would be left in the corner as conversation piece. Often it would end up in a suitemates bed if he was expected to bring a girl home. LaMarr in itself was a useful prank.
But like all stars, it must explode for it to truly shine it’s brightest.
Things began to take a turn from the homoerotic as the universities Men’s Basketball team, started to gain some national exposure. For the first time in five years, the struggling program, led by a former NBA Head Coach would be playing a regionally televised game.
Obviously for a small school, this was a big deal. The school athletic department advertised a special offer, which all students with signs would get in free. The arena would be packed, the school rowdy, the only rational decision would be to display LaMarr to the world.
That Saturday was a sad day. Although the novelty of having an 11-inch floppy pink cock around the suite was wearing off, the loss of LaMarr would be bittersweet. Also, the realization that eight out of ten of us were on probation and would be definitely kicked out of school was a factor that no one considered. Who would be the one to throw LaMarr we asked? We needed someone with the immorality to shock the Catholic school with such a device, as well as the “nothing to lose” attitude.
Our man was Luke.
Luke was a close friend of mine outside of the “Group”. Everyone knew him and liked him, but he was a bit of a loner. He marched to the beat of his own drummer…. Constantly. From taking craps in the bathroom with his pants off to relishing the fact that he could steal 10 lighters a night while out at the bars, the man was definitely the right choice for the job. Best of all, he was already kicked off campus. When attempting a prank like this, no fear is not only preferred, but it is necessary.
While the Men’s Basketball team went through their pre-game shoot around, Luke and myself went through our plan of attack. The rafters would be the ideal spot to toss the dildo onto the court. The exit would be quick through a side fire door and the run off back to the dorm would be void of security presence. We both agreed that this would be the best route. I gave Luke an extra jacket, which he would remove upon exit of the gymnasium as to avoid recognition. The plan looked solid.
As we entered the gym, Luke clutched the dildo, down the length of his arm jacket (security would check for booze). It now had the words “___ IT” written down it’s massive length.
As the game began, Luke took his rightful place up in the rafters; the gym was packed to capacity. Since we were taping this for posterity, we all brought bizarre signs in order to get on television. Signs like, “Ghetto” and a huge Glamour Poster of Matt Damon – Saying “Matt Damon Sez.. GO ___!”. (See House of Pain Video – “Jump Around” to understand the joke). Besides appearing on television, our creative signs were a way to be able to take the attention away from our cock-throwing colleague if necessary. Only problem was, the game went on…”no dildo.”
We never actually discussed when LaMarr would be unleashed upon the world, or at least the 58,000 watching in the gym and on television. All I knew was that we would wait for the signal. The half had ended we were down by 6 and still no throw. During halftime, I retreated outside with Luke to discuss his strategy. We decided to change the escape route, and that he was to throw the dildo onto the court as he descended the steps. It was decided that during the first trip to the foul line for the home team, he would turn left, heave LaMarr towards the top of the key and hope for the best. We agreed that this would be the course of action that would allow for the greatest chance of hitting a basketball player with the dildo. We smoked a cigarette in silence. Knowing that this would be great.
GameTime:
With eleven minutes left the home team were trailing 53-42 to the visitor. The gym began to grow quiet, as so often was the case in these 3-19 seasons. At 10:48 a whistle blew, Senior-shooting guard J was fouled driving to the basket. . A favorite of many at the University, this diminutive 3-point specialist was known for his penchant for white women and white castle, and even better, making them pay for it.
As he approached the line, some say you could see a sudden movement from atop the rafters. I kept my eyes trained on the area, I could not make out Luke, I thought to myself; “he must have bailed, or got caught, crap maybe LaMarr got caught in one of the practice basketball nets that were held up to the ceiling”…. I started to sweat when my eye spotted it.
End over end, a large projectile floppily descended towards the paint.. As the guard began to practice his three point stroke, he was handed the ball, at that instant the dildo struck him square on the calf it seemed to fall gently and it’s final destination was perfectly atop the charity stripe.
Whistle blows, play halted. The crowd is a buzz, various members of the audience strain to see what was just thrown on the court. Many are laughing, some are angry. The players on the court are uncontrollably laughing. The home coach is laughing. The visiting coach is putting a towel over his face to hide his laughter. The crowd is murmuring. Children are questioning. Women are wanting. Students are laughing. Faculty is appalled. And somewhere Luke is smiling.
Luke, like so many others, would only see…what ESPN allowed them to see.
The Play by Play:
Jim: “Oops, play is halted, seems like one of the Fans here at the center has thrown something onto the court”
Scott: “Wow Jim that should not be in a College Basketball court”
Jim: “Scott, that shouldn’t be anywhere.”
The camera quickly pans away as the referee bends down to pick up the offending object. Focusing on the cheerleaders and the “Sixth Man Spirit Club”. The gym is just as the silent enough so that the court microphone can pick up , in the clearest possible voice, “HOLY SH<a href="" target="_blank"></a>IT, IT’S A FUC<a href="" target="_blank"></a>KING DILDO!” . Nervous laughter ensues. The sixth man club begins to chant ‘DILDO, DILDO”” alternately, just as the chants begins to be easily recognizeable, the network abruptly switches to a promo for next weeks featured match up.
In the arena, the referee picked up the offending cock. He held it as if it had spent the better part of the day in Liberace’s pooper. With ___ IT clearly displayed for all, the Referee summoned the home teams ball boy. A nice 13 yr old kid from the South Bronx, he asked him to dispose of it. The 13 yr old grabbed the dildo in such a nonchalant manner, as if to say, “[censored] dog, this ain’t no big deal”.
Once order was restored to the floor. The usual announcement was made for the fans to control themselves. The guard hit both free throws, and the home team begins a 17 – 4 run, closing out a thrilling victory on it’s first nationally televised game.
I write of this moment fondly. It was the culmination of 4 years of pranks and shenanigans. It was something to be proud of. The “Sixth Man” club tried to take credit for our antics, but people knew. But not because of our self perceived “legacy”. Apparently the weekend before we would drunkenly tell anyone who would listen (including the Men’s basketball team) that we would be throwing a dildo on the court. It’s amazing no one got in trouble; Luke got away with no problems, and was hailed as a hero in many circles. The story was told to a few when deemed appropriate. One of the proudest moments in my life was being able to tell this story to our dads while we were drinking the night before graduation. They got it. Many people spoke of our exploits, in fact there’s been a few copycat “LaMarrs” thrown, one in particular made it onto ESPN2 UCONN-Providence game. The thrower had heard the story from his brother. (Who is married to friend’s sister) He made sure to give credit where credit was due.
He wrote “Ram It” along the shaft.
Be good.
Matty