Share your true funny stories

[Wayfare]

On New Year’s eve, I ran into one of the kids I knew at college and asked him what he was doing for a living these days. He said he was looking for work, and sort of looked down and out when he said it. When I asked him what was wrong, this is what he told me:

A couple weeks back, he had been working for a small investment firm, and was doing very well for himself. At his company Christmas party, he started talking to his boss about what they were going to put on the back of their own personal company T-shirt – apparently, the boss’ wife made T-shirts as a hobby and wanted to make one for each of the employees. Unfortunately, my friend was blackout drunk at this point, and when asked what he wanted on his T-shirt he said “BSD.”

For those who don’t work in finance (myself included) a BSD is “big swinging dick,” or a big-shot in finance. His boss scoffed and said “there aren’t any big swinging dicks at our company,” being very p.c. My friend disagreed. He unzipped his pants and took out his dick for all to see. He even started whipping it around and around to complete the “swinging” portion of the acronym. He then took a tour, cock still in hand, around the room to make small talk.

As I said, he was blackout drunk and didn’t remember any of this. The next day, he got a phone call from his friend telling him that he might catch some flack for the previous day’s events. My BSD friend was unfazed, until his managing director tapped him on the back and asked to “borrow” him for a minute. My friend was informed that there was allegations of a nature that would, if true, result in his brisk termination. The director gave him the option to resign that day and save himself the humiliation of being fired. About ten minutes later, my friend walked out the door sans-job, presumably with his formerly BSD tucked between his legs.

Now share yours.

[eric5148]

One time this guy looked at me funny, so I stabbed him to death and ate his brain.

[LALDAAS]

[ QUOTE ]
On New Year’s eve, I ran into one of the kids I knew at college and asked him what he was doing for a living these days. He said he was looking for work, and sort of looked down and out when he said it. When I asked him what was wrong, this is what he told me:

A couple weeks back, he had been working for a small investment firm, and was doing very well for himself. At his company Christmas party, he started talking to his boss about what they were going to put on the back of their own personal company T-shirt – apparently, the boss’ wife made T-shirts as a hobby and wanted to make one for each of the employees. Unfortunately, my friend was blackout drunk at this point, and when asked what he wanted on his T-shirt he said “BSD.”

For those who don’t work in finance (myself included) a BSD is “big swinging dick,” or a big-shot in finance. His boss scoffed and said “there aren’t any big swinging dicks at our company,” being very p.c. My friend disagreed. He unzipped his pants and took out his dick for all to see. He even started whipping it around and around to complete the “swinging” portion of the acronym. He then took a tour, cock still in hand, around the room to make small talk.

As I said, he was blackout drunk and didn’t remember any of this. The next day, he got a phone call from his friend telling him that he might catch some flack for the previous day’s events. My BSD friend was unfazed, until his managing director tapped him on the back and asked to “borrow” him for a minute. My friend was informed that there was allegations of a nature that would, if true, result in his brisk termination. The director gave him the option to resign that day and save himself the humiliation of being fired. About ten minutes later, my friend walked out the door sans-job, presumably with his formerly BSD tucked between his legs.

Now share yours.

[/ QUOTE ]

WoW You win!

[Edge34]

You really should've waited a while for this one...game, set, match.

[ddollevoet]

[ QUOTE ]
Now share yours.

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't share my big swinging dick with other men. Thank you.

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
You really should've waited a while for this one...game, set, match.

[/ QUOTE ]
I thought it needed to be told a month ago. You can't wait a month to tell New Year's stories.

[jagoff]

Here's mine (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showflat.php?Cat=&Board=exchange&Number=1149474&Fo rum=,,All_Forums,,&Words=&Searchpage=2&Limit=25&Ma in=1140845&Search=true&where=bodysub&Name=9556&dat erange=1&newerval=1&newertype=y&olderval=&oldertyp e=&bodyprev=#Post1149474)

[xadrez]

My old roomates got bombed at a party, missed the ride home to "keep partying", and decided to walk the 7-8 miles at around 4-5 AM, after drinking heavily and taking numerous unnamed substances. About halfway, one of them decides it would be faster to go "as the crow flies" aka through the woods. Anyway, one of them is missing in the morning when everyone awakens, and at around noon the missing roomate walks into the apt, barefoot.

He recounted what happened, the last thing he remembered was falling in a stream, then finding an open field, and upon not seeing any of the other guys decides to "take a nap". A seeming instant later, he wakes up because the sun is shining in his face. He looks around and sees a bunch of old men walking around with golf bag, guys chipping shots, and golf carts whirring around. Everyone also seems uncomfortable and wont make eye contact with him. Its that moment that he realizes he is only in his boxer shorts, and hes layed out spread eagle on a country club's golf course.

So, he proceeds to get up, and start sprinting, practically naked, and finds all his clothing, all of it soaking wet, somehow strewn around the fairway. He never found his shoes, however.

The funniest part was the golf course was right behind our apt complex....

[VBM]

as a sophmore, a group of my friends went out to egg a guy's house, as my friend recently got his license. when we pulled up to the guy's house, it was WAY too far from the street for us to realistically hit his house. so, we just kept on driving and looking for a spot to lob them. we drove past a mustang convertible with the top down and threw 3 eggs, 2 of which landed on the outside of the car, one inside.

we laughed and drove along until we noticed the mustang in the rear view, and watched in horror as it sped around us and cut us off. out walked a 6'2" kid, probably 230'ish, wearing an "Springbrook Varsity Football" T-shirt; it was, of course, a senior all-county defensive end's car we picked to bomb.

the 4 of us nerds knelt by the side of the road for 15 minutes wiping and buffing that guy's car with our stripped off shirts.

[Yeti]

sup bro?

[lucas9000]

[ QUOTE ]
Here's mine (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showflat.php?Cat=&Board=exchange&Number=1149474&Fo rum=,,All_Forums,,&Words=&Searchpage=2&Limit=25&Ma in=1140845&Search=true&where=bodysub&Name=9556&dat erange=1&newerval=1&newertype=y&olderval=&oldertyp e=&bodyprev=#Post1149474)

"I go to the bathroom to make sure that my junk is operational. Junk is a GO!"

[/ QUOTE ]

eagle!

[bwana devil]

In college some friend of a friend (never met him before) came over to my place and we were all hanging around drinking and having a real cool time just BSing. Well, after awhile this guy started to get just totally hammered drunk and then he told us he was getting ready to go for a drive.

My roommate and I told him to stay put as he could barely stand up. One of us had his keys and were being real cool just telling him to hang out at our place awhile longer. He got belligerant and started yelling and literally throwing our furniture at the walls, punched us, took his car keys back from us and finally called the cops on us for holding him hostage.

He dropped the phone while he was talking to 911 and ran out the door w/ his keys. We told the police what was going on and they came to our apartment complex and found him after he had wrecked his car at the end of the parking lot.

Then on the local news that night he was shown being brought from the police car to the jail and mistakenly identified as a murder suspect at large that had been getting some media attention lately. The next night the news made a brief correction.

He called a few days later and left a long message apologizing to us and saying he wanted to hang out again. Never did call him back.

[astroglide]

[ QUOTE ]
One time this guy looked at me funny, so I stabbed him to death and ate his brain.

[/ QUOTE ]

with apple juice?

[tek]

www.tuckermax.com (http://www.tuckermax.com)

[Jonny]

thats hilarious. Sucks for him though.

[Jonny]

good story

[Reef]

[ QUOTE ]
sup bro?

[/ QUOTE ]

fkin A man, you stole my post

[Reef]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Here's mine (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showflat.php?Cat=&Board=exchange&Number=1149474&Fo rum=,,All_Forums,,&Words=&Searchpage=2&Limit=25&Ma in=1140845&Search=true&where=bodysub&Name=9556&dat erange=1&newerval=1&newertype=y&olderval=&oldertyp e=&bodyprev=#Post1149474)

"I go to the bathroom to make sure that my junk is operational. Junk is a GO!"

[/ QUOTE ]

eagle!

[/ QUOTE ]

sonofabeetch.. that's the 2nd freakin post/quote of mine that got stolen in this thread alone.

[IggyWH]

The best line of that all...

"Junk is a GO!"

[Shajen]

[ QUOTE ]
www.tuckermax.com (http://www.tuckermax.com)

[/ QUOTE ]

Goshdamn.

this story had me laughing so hard I almost defecated in my pants. (http://www.tuckermax.com/austinroadtrip.html)

How in the hell have I not ever seen this website before?

thanks yo. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[ethan]

tuckermax.com rules. The "sushi pants" story is particularly inspirational.

[eric5148]

[ QUOTE ]
Quote:
One time this guy looked at me funny, so I stabbed him to death and ate his brain.



with apple juice?

[/ QUOTE ]

And hard candy, and pixie sticks.

[Shajen]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Quote:
One time this guy looked at me funny, so I stabbed him to death and ate his brain.



with apple juice?

[/ QUOTE ]

And hard candy, and pixie sticks.

[/ QUOTE ]

But not graham crackers. That would be poor taste.

[tek]

Once you've read all his stories you'll appreciate the irony that the only time in his life when he did something ethical he got fired. (His summer clerk job at a Silicon Valley law firm. I'm not giving the story away.)

[ethan]

[ QUOTE ]
Once you've read all his stories you'll appreciate the irony that the only time in his life when he did something ethical he got fired. (His summer clerk job at a Silicon Valley law firm. I'm not giving the story away.)

[/ QUOTE ]

I'd never thought of it that way. Agreed...that makes it extra awesome.

[PokerGoblin]

The story of my Avatar



http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=&Number=1657223&page=14&view= collapsed&sb=5&o=14&vc=1

[astroglide]

graham crackers would be fine. it's milk that's gross.

[Wayfare]

I know I am going to say that to myself next time I gotta check my junk in a pinch.

[nicky g]

[ QUOTE ]
as a sophmore, a group of my friends went out to egg a guy's house, as my friend recently got his license. when we pulled up to the guy's house, it was WAY too far from the street for us to realistically hit his house. so, we just kept on driving and looking for a spot to lob them. we drove past a mustang convertible with the top down and threw 3 eggs, 2 of which landed on the outside of the car, one inside.

we laughed and drove along until we noticed the mustang in the rear view, and watched in horror as it sped around us and cut us off. out walked a 6'2" kid, probably 230'ish, wearing an "Springbrook Varsity Football" T-shirt; it was, of course, a senior all-county defensive end's car we picked to bomb.

the 4 of us nerds knelt by the side of the road for 15 minutes wiping and buffing that guy's car with our stripped off shirts.

[/ QUOTE ]

There was one of you and four of him, and he managed to get you to to do that? That's lame. Or was there th threat of him finding you another later with his other buddies?

[lucas9000]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
www.tuckermax.com (http://www.tuckermax.com)

[/ QUOTE ]

Goshdamn.

this story had me laughing so hard I almost defecated in my pants. (http://www.tuckermax.com/austinroadtrip.html)

How in the hell have I not ever seen this website before?

thanks yo. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

the blind piano player part OWNZ!!!!11

[nicky g]

"There was one of you and four of him, and he managed to get you to to do that? That's lame. Or was there th threat of him finding you another later with his other buddies? "

I think I've taken a few too many knocks to the head. The above should read:

"There were four of you and one of him, and he managed to get you to do that? That's lame. Or was there the threat of him finding you later with his other buddies? "