How many dates before I reveal the bad news ???????

[The once and future king]

I have a new chick in my life.

The problem is that I suffer from all of the following fetishes/Kinks/Screwups that begin with the letter K.

Kakorrhaphiphilia
A paraphilia where a person derives sexual excitement from failure.

Keraunophilia
A paraphilia where a person derives sexual excitement from thunder and/or lightning.

Kinesophilia
A paraphilia where a person derives sexual pleasure from exercise.

Kleptophilia
A paraphilia in which sexual arousal is dependent on stealing. (This is the most arkward, though this definiton does not include the fact that simulation of stealing [role play] is adequate for me to get wood.)

So to get it up I need to be exercising in a store during a thunder storm and be caught stealing.

This can be a stumbling block at the begining of a new relationship.

I was just wondring how many dates OOTers would wait before reveling ones sexual pecadilos to the new woman in ones life

[IggyWH]

You think you've seen it all but OOT manages to surprises me everyday...

[Bluffoon]

By the time I am on a first date with someone I've done some research and I know what I am dealing with.

Frankly, if a woman has alot of hangups it probably wouldn't even get as far as a first date.

With a little practice it gets easy to test the waters and know if you will be playing tarzan and jane or if its lights off sheets on.....

[The once and future king]

Wow an actual semi serious answer. Wasnt expecting that.

[Bluffoon]

[ QUOTE ]
Wow an actual semi serious answer. Wasnt expecting that.

[/ QUOTE ]

Well I didn't think you actually run out of a seven eleven with a stocking over your head in the rain every time you want to get laid but I figured there is a reason you posted this....

[Shajen]

[ QUOTE ]
You think you've seen it all but OOT manages to surprises me everyday...

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree with the above.

Two words: Vi Agra

[The once and future king]

Maybe just maybe I found those wierd sexual practises very amusing and needed to work them into a post somehow.

This is ootier after all.

[Sponger15SB]

I'd wait a while....

that is some pretty weird stuff (no offense) if you ask me.

Start it out slow and if she seems into a part of your freakiness then go ahead and let it loose

[The once and future king]

Again shocked at the semi serious reply.

Is the bad weather in Yankland interfering with their sarcasm detectors?

[XXXXING FISH]

kinky

[jakethebake]

What the hell is a paraphilia?

[apd138]

[ QUOTE ]
Again shocked at the semi serious reply.

Is the bad weather in Yankland interfering with their sarcasm detectors?

[/ QUOTE ] People are replying seriously to this post because it is not all that funny. Like you said you needed to "work" these things into a post and it feels like very forced humor. Its like when a novice poet tries to make things rhyme and just ends up not making sense. Humor is about delivery as much as it is about material.

[ThaSaltCracka]

you are weird bro.

[TimM]

I really thought the bad news you would be revealing was that you are a poker player.