Advice on Life requested...

[BusterStacks]

Disclaimer: Long useless post about my personal life.

Well, I debated the merit of making this post for a couple weeks, and finally decided that I didn't really care so here goes. About a year ago, my current girlfriend stepped into my life. I had been nailing her sporadically throughout my teenage years (2-4 times a year) and NEVER considered her girlfriend material. For one, I was able to get many other chicks, and for two, I didn't really see the point in a girlfriend. This time though, she was most definitely girlfriend material. She brought me food, laid me constantly and I pretty much could not find any reason not to keep her. Except for one. She had a kid!

This was uncharted territory for me, but after careful analysis I determined that the marginal -EV hit did not make the entire arrangement -EV, as everything else was perfect. A few months later, I ran into some legal troubles (literally), and lost my job and car. I wholeheartedly expected to lose my gf as well, but suprisingly she stuck with me and in fact let me live with her during these rough times. It was around this time I started playing poker...

Fastforward to present day, and everything is different. Whereas she used to work part time when we met, she now works 50 hours a week. Teh kid is 1.5 yrs old, a total brat, and I often am in charge of his supervision. When she gets home, she wants to hang out with her kid until he goes to sleep, and by that point she is too tired to hang out with me. And teh sex? Spectacular by all means, but there has been a steady decline in frequency.

Why would I stay you might ask. Well, several reasons. First I kind of feel like I "owe" her. This is a sucky feeling, but she DID stick with me through pretty much the worst times of my life, with no indication of the baller I would become. Second, it's cheaper. If I leave here (which coincidentally is far away from friends and family), I will have to either live with one of my parents or get my own place. I have no problem spending hundreds on computer parts, but when it comes to shelling out 1-2k a month for living expenses, I just feel like this is a HUGE waste of money. Third, I partly believe that this is just a "phase" and that eventually she won't work as much and the kid will just kind of take care of himself.

For god's sake though, I am 23 and this is not how I want to live. I only get to hang out like 2-3 times a MONTH, and I work from home, so I rarely get out. I feel like I would be much happier doing my own thing, but I don't have a lot of options. Have any of you been in a situation like this? What do you think of it?

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
Fastforward to present day, and everything is different. Whereas she used to work part time when we met, she now works 50 hours a week. Teh kid is 1.5 yrs old, a total brat, and I often am in charge of his supervision. When she gets home, she wants to hang out with her kid until he goes to sleep, and by that point she is too tired to hang out with me. And teh sex? Spectacular by all means, but there has been a steady decline in frequency.

[/ QUOTE ]
I'm not really getting the whole problem maybe. What's the big issue here? Is it the bratty kid or the decline in frequency of the sex? As for the kid, it's only 1.5? That's too young to be really bratty? And if it is really bratty, then who's fault is it if you mostly take care of the kid? As for the sex part. There are up & down cycles, but you have to make an effort to get out of the down cycles. It doesn't just happen.

[Sponger15SB]

Why post this?

You know what we are all going to say.

[BusterStacks]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Fastforward to present day, and everything is different. Whereas she used to work part time when we met, she now works 50 hours a week. Teh kid is 1.5 yrs old, a total brat, and I often am in charge of his supervision. When she gets home, she wants to hang out with her kid until he goes to sleep, and by that point she is too tired to hang out with me. And teh sex? Spectacular by all means, but there has been a steady decline in frequency.

[/ QUOTE ]
I'm not really getting the whole problem maybe. What's the big issue here? Is it the bratty kid or the decline in frequency of the sex? As for the kid, it's only 1.5? That's too young to be really bratty? And if it is really bratty, then who's fault is it if you mostly take care of the kid? As for the sex part. There are up & down cycles, but you have to make an effort to get out of the down cycles. It doesn't just happen.

[/ QUOTE ]

Actually the kid is great when I am in charge, but when the mom is around he throws all kinds of fits and acts rediculous. The problem is I constantly find myself coming in second/third place (or not at all) in her list of priorities. She is not even sweet about it either. She used to be very nice and sweet, but now is more resentful that I work half as much and make more than her. So, basically I get a bunch of attitude too, as well as claims that my job is easy and I get to chill all day. This is not true, I constantly have to keep the place in good condition and be in charge of a small child! That ain't easy.

[BusterStacks]

[ QUOTE ]
Why post this?

You know what we are all going to say.

[/ QUOTE ]

Then why reply. I get conflicting responses everywhere I go. My sisters say "quit whining and tough it out", my mom says to hit the road.

[AngryCola]

Halo 2

[BusterStacks]

[ QUOTE ]
Halo 2

[/ QUOTE ]

That's what I'm saying.

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
Actually the kid is great when I am in charge, but when the mom is around he throws all kinds of fits and acts rediculous. The problem is I constantly find myself coming in second/third place (or not at all) in her list of priorities. She is not even sweet about it either. She used to be very nice and sweet, but now is more resentful that I work half as much and make more than her. So, basically I get a bunch of attitude too, as well as claims that my job is easy and I get to chill all day. This is not true, I constantly have to keep the place in good condition and be in charge of a small child! That ain't easy.

[/ QUOTE ]
Yea. I understand, but I don't know what to tell ya about the kid. You can't really say, "you're doing a crappy job, Mom." Or tell her how to treat her kid. You're always going to be at least her second prioroty though. Never first. If you can't accept that, then you're in trouble. It also sounds like working the long hours is making her cranky, etc. Any chance this won't continue indefinitely?

[CCx]

Get out immediately, if not sooner. You're only 23, and you still have time - do it now while you still can and before things get any deeper than they already have. I have been in a similar situation, minus the kid (but stuck in a rut in a relationship that did not afford me to live the way I wanted to live my life), and I got the hell out as soon as humanly possible - broke off an 18 month relationship lickity split. Good luck.

(this is my honest advice, and not intended to be a flame or sarcastic post in any way)

[Sponger15SB]

Ok fine,

Get the hell out now, you're trapped, she won't change, you are 23 and need to live your life and not take care of a child and do all her bitch work, look you are like a freaking maid, why don't you start wearing one of these (http://www.clicket.com/images/15129.jpg)? your relationship has gone down hill and you rarely see this person anymore, i'm sure there are plenty of chicks out who 1) would seem like they appreciate you 2) don't HAVE A 1 1/2 YEAR OLD CHILD HANGING AROUND

and, i don't know what the circumstances surrounding her child are, but dude, it looks like if she were ever to get pregnant with you, she'd keep the baby, is that what you want right now?!?!

[jakethebake]

Maybe you should make this a poll. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[Zoltri]

I have been there before. Here is my .02
You are 23, get off your ass and get yourself a cheap bachelor apartment. I promise you, you will be thanking me.

[Shajen]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Why post this?

You know what we are all going to say.

[/ QUOTE ]

Then why reply. I get conflicting responses everywhere I go. My sisters say "quit whining and tough it out", my mom says to hit the road.

[/ QUOTE ]

Mom = 1
Sister = 0

[chabibi]

[ QUOTE ]
as well as claims that my job is easy and I get to chill all day. This is not true, I constantly have to keep the place in good condition and be in charge of a small child! That ain't easy.

[/ QUOTE ]

haha your a stay at home dad

seriously, consider the long run above all else if you are gona stick around

could you marry this girl?

[Tron]

I didn't even read the OP, but I'm surprised that no one has mentioned QLC yet. Good job, everyone. Now I'm going to actually read the post.

[Bluffoon]

It sounds like you need to make more time for yourself. Sit down with you woman and talk about how you feel. If she is a good woman she will understand and give you time to go out and do "guy" stuff.

If she is supportive then you should stay. If she is a controlling jealous insecure bitch this will be unnaceptable and you should run far and fast.

Keep in mind however that a relationship is a two way street. She may have some needs and ask you to reciprocate.

Also twenty three is young to take on the responsibility of a family. You are going to have to ask yourself whether you are ready to make the sacrifices that being a parent entails.

Good luck
Jim

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
I didn't even read the OP, but I'm surprised that no one has mentioned QLC yet. Good job, everyone. Now I'm going to actually read the post.

[/ QUOTE ]
I was tempted but used great self restraint.

[fnord_too]

I have a 21 month old daughter. She tries to play me and her mom constantly (she's bright and sneaky, a dagerous combination. But she is also good natured, and dad is hip to her jive.) At any rate, I love kids, and none the time demanding stuff bothers me. (btw, I hope you are spending a lot of time playing with the child in the day. Recent studies have linked prolonged exposure to TV between the ages of 0 and 2 to increased likelihood of ADD.)

What the hell am I trying to say? I don't know. I guess it really comes down to this: if you like the kid (not just can put up with him), and you like the mom, you know you have someone who will put up with you and stick by you in the hard times. That's nothing to sneeze at. OTOH, if you don't think you can handle that life yet, you may be right.

Have you talked to her about this? It sounds like you have reached a point where you feel like it is time to step up or step out. Honestly, your posts sounds like you want to stay, but that does not fit into your view of how life should be at 23, so you are trying to find rationalizations for staying. (Really, most life decisions are not best viewed in terms of monetary EV.)

Also, it sounds like you are a little home sick.

One more thing, kids don't take care of themselves for quite a while. In a few years when school starts, there will be a few more hours in the day for you, if you don't have more kids by then, but they still require a lot of time and attention.

[BusterStacks]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I didn't even read the OP, but I'm surprised that no one has mentioned QLC yet. Good job, everyone. Now I'm going to actually read the post.

[/ QUOTE ]
I was tempted but used great self restraint.

[/ QUOTE ]

You guys DO know that I am the originator of that reply...

[Shajen]

Questions:

1) do you love this girl?

2) could you marry her?

3) how do you feel about the kid?

4) Would you be better off with or without her?

5) Whats the worst that could happen by staying in the current situation?

6) what's the worst thing that could happen if you leave?

7) what are the odds she sees you as a baby sitter and is getting action on the side? (sorry if this question offends, but it's logical if you look at this scenario objectively.)

Me? I'd bolt. But I'm not you, and I don't/can't know the whole situation. I didn't get married til I was 27 (almost 28). Best decision I ever made.

[fnord_too]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Fastforward to present day, and everything is different. Whereas she used to work part time when we met, she now works 50 hours a week. Teh kid is 1.5 yrs old, a total brat, and I often am in charge of his supervision. When she gets home, she wants to hang out with her kid until he goes to sleep, and by that point she is too tired to hang out with me. And teh sex? Spectacular by all means, but there has been a steady decline in frequency.

[/ QUOTE ]
I'm not really getting the whole problem maybe. What's the big issue here? Is it the bratty kid or the decline in frequency of the sex? As for the kid, it's only 1.5? That's too young to be really bratty? And if it is really bratty, then who's fault is it if you mostly take care of the kid? As for the sex part. There are up & down cycles, but you have to make an effort to get out of the down cycles. It doesn't just happen.

[/ QUOTE ]

Actually the kid is great when I am in charge, but when the mom is around he throws all kinds of fits and acts rediculous. The problem is I constantly find myself coming in second/third place (or not at all) in her list of priorities. She is not even sweet about it either. She used to be very nice and sweet, but now is more resentful that I work half as much and make more than her. So, basically I get a bunch of attitude too, as well as claims that my job is easy and I get to chill all day. This is not true, I constantly have to keep the place in good condition and be in charge of a small child! That ain't easy.

[/ QUOTE ]

He probably wants more attention from mom.

The rest of the post is funny to me because you sound like my wife, except for the making more money part, I am the only income source in our house right now.

[fnord_too]

What does she do? She's working 50 hours a week, at what exactly?

[Zoltri]

My first wife did this [censored] all the time.
Her biggest complaint was I didnt romance her like I used to so no sex.

F*cking bitch is living off the hog with my support payments now. The only sex I get from her now is UP THE ASS KIND!

[BusterStacks]

[ QUOTE ]
Questions:

1) do you love this girl?

2) could you marry her?

3) how do you feel about the kid?

4) Would you be better off with or without her?

5) Whats the worst that could happen by staying in the current situation?

6) what's the worst thing that could happen if you leave?

7) what are the odds she sees you as a baby sitter and is getting action on the side? (sorry if this question offends, but it's logical if you look at this scenario objectively.)

Me? I'd bolt. But I'm not you, and I don't/can't know the whole situation. I didn't get married til I was 27 (almost 28). Best decision I ever made.

[/ QUOTE ]

1) Yes

2) Yes in the right circumstances.

3) He's way cool when mom is not home. Otherwise terrible.

4) I'm not sure, probably better off with.

5) Things could stay how they are.

6) I could become a computer nerd and never find a chick worth this kind of dedication again.

7) I'm 100% sure she is not getting action on the side. If I had any doubt, this post wouldn't be happening. I technically don't *have* to watch him, I just do to make her life easier.

[ZZZ]

[ QUOTE ]
I kind of feel like I "owe" her. This is a sucky feeling, but she DID stick with me through pretty much the worst times of my life

[/ QUOTE ]

[censored] it man. It's your life, you can't live it for someone else. It's not like she stuck with you solely for your benefit, she wanted to be with you despite your problems. Hit the road Stacks.

ZZZ

[Tron]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I didn't even read the OP, but I'm surprised that no one has mentioned QLC yet. Good job, everyone. Now I'm going to actually read the post.

[/ QUOTE ]
I was tempted but used great self restraint.

[/ QUOTE ]

You guys DO know that I am the originator of that reply...

[/ QUOTE ]

Well, in that case, I think this (http://www.quarterlifecrisis.com/forums/) may be a more appropriate venue for your post /images/graemlins/wink.gif

Seriously, though... I think it's time to bolt. Everyone else has done a good job of showing why, I think.

[Toro]

Is this girl the love of your life? She doesn't sound like it from your post, in fact it doesn't sound like you are in love with her at all. The only reason you're staying with her is out of guilt because she stuck with you through bad times.

That and for financial reasons. I had a friend who stayed in a totally loveless marriage for 12 years because it was going to be financial -EV to divorce. Well he finally had enough and they got divorced and it was financially negative but he's a lot happier now.

So staying with her out of guilt and finances is not enough. You're too young to waste the best years like this. So my advice is to end it and get on with your life. Shiit, I sound like friggin Dear Abby, but that's my advice.

[Sponger15SB]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I didn't even read the OP, but I'm surprised that no one has mentioned QLC yet. Good job, everyone. Now I'm going to actually read the post.

[/ QUOTE ]
I was tempted but used great self restraint.

[/ QUOTE ]

I just busted it out on another message board I frequent, everyone thought it was hilarious.

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
I just busted it out on another message board I frequent, everyone thought it was hilarious.

[/ QUOTE ]
Cool! We're trendy. They're the us of three days ago. Try to get them started flaming QLC now w/o telling them about us. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[RogerZBT]

Have you seriously talked to her about this? Sat down and really talked?

[turnipmonster]

relationships go through upswings and downswings, and if the relationship is worth it to you then you need to learn how to work through the downswings.

however, you need to decide if everything is just running cold or if there are serious issues you need to address. if it's the former, I recommend sticking it out, if it's the latter then hit the road. another important thing is figuring out if you really genuniely want out, or if wanting out is just a reflex. a lot of times it can be the latter.

--turnipmonster

[drewjustdrew]

[ QUOTE ]
6) I could become a computer nerd and never find a chick worth this kind of dedication again.



[/ QUOTE ]

This is crap. You have to realize that there are tons of understanding girls out there willing to make sacrifices for a man they love. She is not the only one who will stand by her man in tough times.

You should tell her your feelings before you make any decisions though. You are really handicapping your relationship by keeping your feelings to yourself. As long as you don't throw out ultimatums, you will not risk unnecessarily jeoparidizing a strong relationship. It may be a catalyst to a break up if this isn't a strong relationship in the first place.

[WC64]

[ QUOTE ]

and, i don't know what the circumstances surrounding her child are, but dude, it looks like if she were ever to get pregnant with you, she'd keep the baby, is that what you want right now?!?!

[/ QUOTE ]

And you say this like its a bad thing.

[LALDAAS]

YES SIR I KNOW YOUR PAIN! Minus the legal problems and I have never been unemployed our lives are identical or at least were. I called it quits I could no longer handle a child that was not mine. I am sure this is a problem you can relate to.

I will clear it up before I get flammed. It wasnt the child, It was the way he was raised. The child ran the house, not us. I could not deal with this.

Always remember this THIS IS NOT YOUR CHILD! YOU HAVE NO SAY AND NEVER WILL!

Living expense is not just throwing money away it is the price of freedom. Get use to it thats life.

If you have any doubt what so ever get OUT! It is not fair to this woman, your self and even more importantly the child.

[nolanfan34]

[ QUOTE ]
2) Yes in the right circumstances.

[/ QUOTE ]

That quote doesn't jive, that's the problem. Toro's response was good, the bull is very wise.

If you need certain things to change or happen for marriage to be the "right situation", then honestly it's probably not the best decision. Marriage is hard enough sometimes as is, without having to change each other before entering into it. I'd guess that the right circumstance in your case would include things being like they were before in better times, when she put you as more of a priority.

The problem is, even if things went back to that, you need to remember that what's happening NOW, and the feeling you have NOW will always be possible in the future. You could always slip back into this same scenario, whether you're married or not.

Very tough call though. I'm sure leaving the kid behind is weighing on your mind, but you probably need to consider whether it's going to be better long term if you make a clean break now, or later when the kid is more likely to remember it.

[Gamblor]

She needs a daddy for her kid.

She got you. She'd give it up for you when she wasn't sure you'd stick around. Now she knows you're in it for a while so she doesn't feel she has to put out to keep her kid's "daddy".

Something tells me she never really liked you but saw a chance to split parenting responsibilities with someone she would accept as a daddy, but you ain't the be all and end all with her life.

Trust me, when the chick is really in love with you, she can't wait to jump you every time she gets home. At least, 9/10 times. Maybe she's worried about you losing respect for her - then they somethimes hold out. But that combined with her jealousy about your lifestyle means one thing.

You ain't her man. You're her kid's man and she's playing you like a fiddle. Get out.

[fnord_too]

[ QUOTE ]


Trust me, when the chick is really in love with you, she can't wait to jump you every time she gets home. At least, 9/10 times.

[/ QUOTE ]

I think it is safe to say that you have never been married for more than a year /images/graemlins/tongue.gif.

[nolanfan34]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]


Trust me, when the chick is really in love with you, she can't wait to jump you every time she gets home. At least, 9/10 times.

[/ QUOTE ]

I think it is safe to say that you have never been married for more than a year /images/graemlins/tongue.gif.

[/ QUOTE ]

I was going to say the same thing.

True love is when she listens to your bad beat stories, and pretends like she cares, even though she doesn't.

[drewjustdrew]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]


Trust me, when the chick is really in love with you, she can't wait to jump you every time she gets home. At least, 9/10 times.

[/ QUOTE ]

I think it is safe to say that you have never been married for more than a year /images/graemlins/tongue.gif.

[/ QUOTE ]

A year? I was just starting to question my relationship with my wife from the beginning.

[dr. klopek]

Busta,
I am confident in the intentions of all these guys, but I don't think they know the way you are.

I have told you this before, and I don't mind saying it again, you want out because this disrupts your casual attitude and carelessness toward the world around you. How many times is this gonna happen, man? Under what circumstances will you not try to find a way out of a situation in which you, for once, have a responsibility to someone other than yourself? I don't mean to sound harsh, but you could go your entire life coming up with reasons that whatever situation you're in is "-EV" for one reason or another in order to avoid accountability for anything. You are panicked as you are at a crossroads, you are approaching a series of decisions that could potentially change the course of your life, and that of two people you care about, and you are trying to avoid this at any cost, to anyone. Again, I don't want to sound harsh, but I really think that you are better off now than you were with the coke/strippers. As has been said, you have to talk to her about this, if you care about her at all, you'll try to do what's best for both of you, not just what's most fun for you.

BTW, I love that kid man, does he sweep up at your house like he does at mine?

I also think that you have a responsibility not to [censored] around like this if you don't mean it. She wants your relationship to work out, but she has the welfare and development of a human being to worry about, I would be sorely disappointed if [censored] didn't come in a distant second on the priority list. You're not doing either of them any favors by sticking around temporarily due to indecisiveness and convenience. Talk to her man, that's what you owe her.

[nolanfan34]

Interesting post.

What's the relationship between you guys again? I know there's three of you on here who are related through marriage or something, right? Not flaming here, serious question.

[2planka]

Dude, you're 23. Live life.

Not trying to be smug. You should be hanging with your buds, going wild, enjoying yourself. I really think you have to figure out who you are before you should even consider setting down roots ("you" in the generic sense).

I had an apartment with two college buds when I was 23. Surprised we all survived!

[MarkL444]

if you are leaning toward leaving, i would at least give it a few months. and i dont want to sound like a [censored], but i think you have sex as too high of a priority. im not saying it isnt important, but there are things more important. best of luck with whatever you choose.

[Shajen]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]


Trust me, when the chick is really in love with you, she can't wait to jump you every time she gets home. At least, 9/10 times.

[/ QUOTE ]

I think it is safe to say that you have never been married for more than a year /images/graemlins/tongue.gif.

[/ QUOTE ]

I was going to say the same thing.

True love is when she listens to your bad beat stories, and pretends like she cares, even though she doesn't.

[/ QUOTE ]

negative, true love is when she counters your bad beats with bad beats of her own.

I'm not ashamed to say my wife is a better MTT player than I am. But I own her in ring games. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[dr. klopek]

[ QUOTE ]
Interesting post.

What's the relationship between you guys again? I know there's three of you on here who are related through marriage or something, right? Not flaming here, serious question.

[/ QUOTE ]

I live with balkii in the same house that buster and pizownered used to live in with him. we all went to high school together. Balkii's sister married pizownored's brother (somethingclever).

[Michael Davis]

"First I kind of feel like I "owe" her."

This is exactly what she was going for in the first place. Why do you think she became a lot nicer, cooking meals, etc., once she had a kid? It's a lot tougher for her to nail someone down now, too.

-Michael

[Gamblor]

I think it is safe to say that you have never been married for more than a year

You don't think there are grown up wives who chase their men around the kitchen table after the kids are asleep?

Dude. There's a reason the divorce rate is so high. More women are getting married to get married than to be with their husbands.

[RogerZBT]

[ QUOTE ]
You don't think there are grown up wives who chase their men around the kitchen table after the kids are asleep?

[/ QUOTE ]

Sure there are. For the other 99.9% of the population, the reality is the longer you're together, the less frequent you have sex.

[OrangeHeat]

[ QUOTE ]
I only get to hang out like 2-3 times a MONTH,

[/ QUOTE ]

Your Lucky.

Orange

[OrangeHeat]

A picture of the female in question would have made this thread way more interesting.

Orange

[SomethingClever]

Great response.

I don't know your whole story, Buster, but I will tell you that often the grass seems greener but actually isn't.

You should at least have a discussion with her about what's bugging you.

Also, why the hell does she need to work 50 hours a week when you're such a huge baller?

[dr. klopek]

[ QUOTE ]
I don't know your whole story, Buster, but I will tell you that often the grass seems greener but actually isn't.

[/ QUOTE ]

^married.

[ QUOTE ]
A picture of the female in question would have made this thread way more interesting.

[/ QUOTE ]

^stupid.

[dr. klopek]

hmmm.... (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=&Number=1386617&page=0&view=c ollapsed&sb=5&o=14&vc=1)

[Wake up CALL]

Please do your girlfriend and her child a favor, leave them. She being saddled with a spoiled child who may be 23 yet act 16 is not doing her any favors. She deserves better than a grown man who wants to play internet poker for the rest of his life and get laid when it is convenient.

[BusterStacks]

[ QUOTE ]
Please do your girlfriend and her child a favor, leave them. She being saddled with a spoiled child who may be 23 yet act 16 is not doing her any favors. She deserves better than a grown man who wants to play internet poker for the rest of his life and get laid when it is convenient.

[/ QUOTE ]

w00t! ZING!!! I wasn't aware that you were familiar with what she deserves. Unfortunately you add nothing to this thread other than a poor attempt to flame me, if this could even be considered that. Anyway, talking out of your ass does nothing, and I see you chose to focus on a tiny part of my post rather than the picture as a whole. Do you care to elaborate on how you know enough about this matter to offer your analysis?

[[censored]]

Hi Buster,

Are you in love with her?

[[censored]]

OK I read some replies and it seems you are.

I think you need to be very sure of this because that is going to ultimately determine if you will be happy in this situation.

The next 2-3 years will be tough with the kid but it does get much better and well worth sticking it out for someone you love. But at somepoint you need to get to the point where it is not her kid, but your kid.

I can't tell you what to do but I will say this. If you decide to leave it does not make you a bad guy or something to feel guilty about. Even though you care for her, you may want different things out of your life and it is better for both of you is you are honest about how you truly feel as ultimately it will come out even if you stay.

[RogerZBT]

[ QUOTE ]
Do you care to elaborate on how you know enough about this matter to offer your analysis?

[/ QUOTE ]

You've hit the biggest problem. None of us know enough. Some people think she just wants a daddy for the kid. We can't tell from a few paragraphs if that's true or not. Some people think you really love her and should put aside your "selfish" reasons and stay with her. None of us know if that is what is best for you, her and the kid.

Btw, I didn't see a response. Did you ever really discuss your feelings with her?

[Gamblor]

the reality is the longer you're together, the less frequent you have sex

Maybe it's cause the longer you're together, the less you try to impress her and the more things you do that turn her off.

Furthermore, the more times you have sex the less exciting it gets.


Note to self: stop farting on girlfriend. Come up with crazy new [censored] to try.

[Wake up CALL]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Do you care to elaborate on how you know enough about this matter to offer your analysis?


[/ QUOTE ]

Sorry if I hit a nerve but the last line of your first post said [ QUOTE ]
What do you think of it?

[/ QUOTE ]

So I told you what I thought, you should be mature enough to accept what you asked for whether it is accurate, constructive or useful.

[Boris]

When I worked for the Forest Service I had an great boss who was also a very wise man. His response to questions like this was always "Grow a dick".

[ThaSaltCracka]

you are far to young to be in this situation, get out while you still can.

[daveymck]

I met somoene at 25 who had two kids (and a husband at the time but maybe a story for another day). Taking on kids is the hardest thing, you are lucky the kid is not of any age to remeber living with his dad, I have had the your not my dad line many times and they see their dad weekly so its changed my role to an extent.

Thats the background the one thing I would say though is that once a woman has a child yes you come third behind the child, not intentionally, not for any sense of you being lesser than the child its just a fact of life, mums are mums first then girlfriend/wives second.

If the mum is out to work 50 hours then it sounds like the temper tantrums etc are a way of getting attention form mum, children crave attention good or bad. I recommend a book called toddler taming gives a good insight into the mind of kids that age and isnt one of these new age crap books.

The other stuff less sex etc is part of a developed relationship and also if she is working 50 hours I suspect coming home and having marathon sessions with you isnt priority.

At the end of the day if you love her and want to be with her then get stuck in give her the support she needs and communicate how you feel etc.

However if you have real doubts get out now before the kid gets older and loses the first dad he had, the older he gets the worse the whole situation will be.

[Homer]

The reasons you listed for staying are silly. She sounds as if she deserves better. Leave, for the sake of her and her child.

[private joker]

[ QUOTE ]
I had been nailing her sporadically throughout my teenage years (2-4 times a year) and NEVER considered her girlfriend material. For one, I was able to get many other chicks, and for two, I didn't really see the point in a girlfriend. This time though, she was most definitely girlfriend material. She brought me food, laid me constantly and I pretty much could not find any reason not to keep her. Except for one. She had a kid!


[/ QUOTE ]

Ah, true love. You sound like a real sweetheart. Obviously any woman would be lucky to have as a boyfriend a guy who talks like this. /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[BusterStacks]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I had been nailing her sporadically throughout my teenage years (2-4 times a year) and NEVER considered her girlfriend material. For one, I was able to get many other chicks, and for two, I didn't really see the point in a girlfriend. This time though, she was most definitely girlfriend material. She brought me food, laid me constantly and I pretty much could not find any reason not to keep her. Except for one. She had a kid!


[/ QUOTE ]

Ah, true love. You sound like a real sweetheart. Obviously any woman would be lucky to have as a boyfriend a guy who talks like this. /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

Obviously girls are not supposed to hear what guys talk about when they're not around...

[brassnuts]

It sucks to be a<font color="white">_</font>dick and have to hurt someone you truly care about. But, dude, if it ain't working out for you and you aren't happy, you really should break it off. It's simple.

[CCass]

Buster,

In your original post, you described waht married life is like. If you love her and want to marry her, then do so, but don'e expect things to change. If this isn't how you want the rest of your life to be, get out now.

[balkii]

when I was in the similar situation (nothing to do with kids, but a general feeling of should i stay or should i go) it felt like this:

big tourney, and i have a deep stack. flopped a good but not great hand (ie big overpair) and opponent is showing much aggression. in this situation i'd love to be able to call down or get to showdown cheaply somehow, but I KNOW that if i get to the river, he's gonna push. and I knew I didnt want to call when he pushed. so I folded the flop. (well by that point it was probably the turn but whatever)

do you want to call when she pushes?

[balkii]

oh and BTW, tell her thanks for the new years card!

[Hack]

Anybody who states their kids age in decimals is probably an ass*ole

[dr. klopek]

[ QUOTE ]
Anybody who states their kids age in decimals is probably an ass*ole

[/ QUOTE ]

1)No, it's a fraction of a number. It's more stupid when people refer to their children's age in months until they're like 12.
2)Can't you read? It's not his kid.

[ThaSaltCracka]

don't fret Dr., that is just a typical Hack post.

[elwoodblues]

[ QUOTE ]
The problem is I constantly find myself coming in second/third place (or not at all) in her list of priorities.

[/ QUOTE ]

You should be at least in second place.

[Phat Mack]

I think you have some important decisions, but are too close to the situation to view them objectively. Is there any chance that you could get out of town for a couple of weeks?