What do you do when you love someone who doesn't love you back?

[augie00]

When I got to college, I met a girl named Ashley. We clicked, and soon became great friends. We hung out all the time, and it wasn't long before we became best friends. And then it happened. I fell in love. Whoops.

When I say love, I mean LUV. As in head over heels. As in puppy dog. As in I can't think about anybody else. As in here's Brad --> /images/graemlins/grin.gif /images/graemlins/heart.gif /images/graemlins/heart.gif /images/graemlins/heart.gif

She was a little put off when I told her. (Mistake? I think all that "I don't want to ruin our friendship rhetoric is bullshit). We don't really hang out much anymore, and she doesn't have much to say when we do. She wouldn't even accept the fact that I fell in love with her. She didn't believe me.

Needless to say, I've been pretty depressed for the last few months. Although it's done wonders for my bankroll, I want to start feeling better and do something with myself on Friday/Saturday nights.

I wouldn't be writing this if I hadn't realized that I haven't seen her in almost a month and I STILL feel bad about it (home for Christmas), and I know this is sort of personal. However, whenever I talk to my friends about it, they just tell me to "get over it." It's not that easy, and I need some suggestions.

What do you guys do when you love someone who doesn't love you back?

[kyro]

do what you basically did. girls are evil. they mess with your head.

[BusterStacks]

Try this:

http://www.quarterlifecrisis.com/forums/index.php?s=7d1792132a1ade4f33f3339102b81f48

[Victor]

potd

[Malone Brown]

[ QUOTE ]
Try this:

http://www.quarterlifecrisis.com/forums/index.php?s=7d1792132a1ade4f33f3339102b81f48

[/ QUOTE ]

LOL...this is funny as hell

[Victor]

too bad.

go out and hit on girls until you find one to sleep with you. then you will forget about her quick.

[Leo99]

That's one of the reasons they invented alcohol. Next time don't fall in love.

[Reef]

I commend you on having the balls to tell her this. Damn shame it didn't work out. I'd try and do things to keep yourself occupied. Hang out with the boys. Go cause drunken mayhem.

Who knows, maybe in a year you'll find someone who you'll have that same spark with. It sucks, but just takes time (lots of it)

[snowbank]

"Try this:

http://www.quarterlifecrisis.com/forums/index.php?s=7d1792132a1ade4f33f3339102b81f48 "

hahahaha. Just got done reading the other thread about this. haha you hit it right on the head buster

[snowbank]

poker before girls. You remember this augie, you will be golden.

[slickpoppa]

i had a similar problem. you will never feel completely better until you find someone else.
Also, read this site:
web page (http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html)

[cardcounter0]

why do the words "whore house" come to mind?

[fnord_too]

everyone gets that kicked in the gut feeling at some point. it gets better, just force yourself to go out on the weekend. oh, and forget about getting involved with the girl, you are probably harboring those hopes: muck em, next hand.

[Asnbabe]

[ QUOTE ]
i had a similar problem. you will never feel completely better until you find someone else.
Also, read this site:
web page (http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html)

[/ QUOTE ]

thats websites damn close...but not everyone feels that way. some people make their own money -_- then money doesnt matter

[Leo99]

Nice link. I'll have to check it out when I have more time.

[slickpoppa]

that website is the principia mathematica of women

[fnord_too]

[ QUOTE ]
i had a similar problem. you will never feel completely better until you find someone else.
Also, read this site:
web page (http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html)

[/ QUOTE ]

Wow, great site!

[[censored]]

Your mistake was becoming good friends with a chick in the first place. This will happen every time, learn your lesson and don't repeat.

[Peca277]

My not so attractive friend always tells nightclub girls he makes $80,000 at 23 years old... and it works wonders.

[billyjex]

Well, if that avatar is you, then you know why..

Seriously, love sucks sometimes, i went through a sort of "can't get over the ex" thing, the thing that will make you get over it the best is to find another girl. Even if she's not as cool as your old chick eventually you'll find your heart to be getting over your old feelings and you'll come to accept it.

Or go bang a prostitute. You won't think about her for 10 minutes.

[IggyWH]

[ QUOTE ]
Your mistake was becoming good friends with a chick in the first place. This will happen every time, learn your lesson and don't repeat.

[/ QUOTE ]

Well, close enough...

Cool chicks you can be friends with. I always find it a plus to be friends with women and hang out with them. It makes you look better to other women. Don't ask me why, it just does.

If you're interested in a chick though, don't EVER EVER, EVER EVER become friends with her. Let her know from the get go you're out after that pie. Then there's never any deep feelings and if she turns you down, she's just some broad and easy to roll off and onto the next pie.

[Number4]

[ QUOTE ]
Let her know from the get go you're out after that pie.

[/ QUOTE ]

That's the problem, isn't it? How is he supposed to know this from the get go? Or should he just automatically assume that every girl that he might become friends with is "pie" material? Obviously sometimes is clear if you are interested or not, but it's not always clear-cut.

[[censored]]

I can agree with that, I have a friend who is a chick but I dont find her attractive and would never have feelings for her.

As a rule though I don't making best friends with chicks. People to hang out with yes.

[IggyWH]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Let her know from the get go you're out after that pie.

[/ QUOTE ]

That's the problem, isn't it? How is he supposed to know this from the get go? Or should he just automatically assume that every girl that he might become friends with is "pie" material? Obviously sometimes is clear if you are interested or not, but it's not always clear-cut.

[/ QUOTE ]

How is it not clear-cut? You see a chick, you think she's sexy and wouldn't mind tappin dat ass... you let her know you're out for the pie right away. It doesn't get more clear-cut than that!

If after meeting her you decide she's a cool girl but don't want the pie, then you can make friends. You have those women that you meet that you never wanted the pie from the get go but they turn out to be a cool person that you want to be friends with.

I can honestly say I've never met a woman that I didn't want to rail at first, but then at a later time, decided I wanted to rail her.

[DBowling]

become a stalker. she'll be flattered you spend so much time following her, and she'll certainly fall for you.

[nolanfan34]

[ QUOTE ]
everyone gets that kicked in the gut feeling at some point. it gets better, just force yourself to go out on the weekend. oh, and forget about getting involved with the girl, you are probably harboring those hopes: muck em, next hand.

[/ QUOTE ]

Shouldn't you be saying kicked in the balls feeling instead of kicked in the gut?

Fnord has good advice though. Time heals all wounds, there are other girls out there. Sleeping with some other chick isn't the answer.

Trust me, as soon as you say f-it, I'm over her, forget about women, that's when the next one will come along, out of the blue. Always happens as soon as you stop looking/wanting.

[daveymck]

There is nothing you can do, I was the same with a girl she knew I really liked her and we were close friends but she wasnt interested in me that way. Still have a place in my heart for her but have to move on, she went to Uni and didnt see her as much.

However I would recommend getting drunk and sleeping with her it does seem that once you have sampled the goods it makes the rejection easier to get over. A lot of lusting and love is about that imho.

It sounds like you might have missed that boat so just get out there and sample whats on offer, it doesnt help to know, but it is true that there are lots of really nice girls who will actually want to be with you out there, need to get looking

[Duke]

You stop talking to them. Forever.

Forever is a long time, but it doesn't seem nearly so long when it's not plagued with frustration brought on by a chick rebuking you.

It'll hurt for a while, but it'll eventually go away. You did all you can do, now give up and get on with something else. And when she calls you, be a dick. Maybe not even answer. If you hurt her, then so be it. She'll obviously be able to deal with it, since she doesn't really give a [censored] what you think anyhow.

~D

[Duke]

[ QUOTE ]
it is true that there are lots of really nice girls who will actually want to be with you out there, need to get looking

[/ QUOTE ]

It depends on who you are. Plenty of nice girls are all over me, but I meet maybe one per 3 or 4 years that I really really really like. But then again, I'm ridiculously picky in weird ways when it comes to chicks. The chance of me ever getting married is less than me dying because of a tsunami in Vegas.

~D

[Josh W]

Wow. I haven't read any responses (besides Duke, cuz he's my boy), but this post hits close to home.

I graduated college in 2000. I was good friends for the last couple of years with a girl I'll call E. We went to college in the LA area, but she was from sacramento, and i was from seattle. after college, i got a job in LA, and she went back north. I tried to talk her into moving to LA w/ me, as we were best friends.

I developed STRONG feelings for her. she kept telling me "Josh, you're a great friend". Grrr. The frustration was huge. Turns out, and i didn't know this, she started dating, right before graduation, another boy. they dated for 2 years, then moved to Minnesota together. Before she moved, I learned about him, and I knew I had to get over her.

She came to LA occassionaly to visit friends and family. One time, she was coming down, and asked if I wanted to go to dinner. The second (or third) hardest thing I ever did was say "I love you, but can't see you...I need to get over you". She was confused, but relented.

Over the following 2 years, we started to see each other again around the holidays (I'd drive to WA, stop in Sac to see her). I could just be friends, and it was fine.

She broke up with her boyfriend 1.25 years ago, and moved back to Sacramento. It's a long story, but we got really close again after that, even tho we live 400 miles apart. I developed feelings for her, and we got amazingly close. We were truly best friends, and talked every night. Well, I was persistent and stubborn and obstant, and here we are, 8 months after we started talking a ton, and we are now together. not just in my head, either...

So, what's my advice? Well, as long as it isn't happening, don't limit yourself, and close your eyes to other people. But sometimes these things really do work out.

Look, I don't know you, and don't think I've ever responded or read one of your posts before. But...do you communicate with her the way she understands? See, with me and E...i told her I liked her, and was in love with her. But she's a very flirtatious person and communicates in body language more than verbal language. When we started getting really close, she told me she had no idea I ever had a crush on her EVEN THOUGH I TOLD HER IN VERY PLAIN ENGLISH. I never SHOWED her. Could that be the case here?

But, yeah...don't miss other opportunities, but don't give up hope, either. If that makes sense...

Josh

[AncientPC]

You're forever stuck in the friend zone, move on.

[Duke]

[ QUOTE ]
When we started getting really close, she told me she had no idea I ever had a crush on her EVEN THOUGH I TOLD HER IN VERY PLAIN ENGLISH. I never SHOWED her.

[/ QUOTE ]

Oh, so whipping it out and saying "sup?" finally worked?

Awesome.

~D

[siccjay]

[ QUOTE ]
i had a similar problem. you will never feel completely better until you find someone else.
Also, read this site:
web page (http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html)

[/ QUOTE ]

Awesome site, I was going to suggest it. Once you hit the friend zone you are pretty much done for. I'm actually trying to get out of it as we speak, luckly I found that site soon enough I may still have a chance.

In the future I suggest you make a move sooner and don't just try to be the "nice guy." MOST guys make that mistake when they find a chick they really like.

[Michael Davis]

Duke,

This a complete, sickening hijack, but remember a while back when I said I would ask an expert about how much vocabulary overlaps between high-level vocab people?

Well, I got a response in person. He said it would undoubtedly be persons with training in classical Latin and Greek, but that because of different areas of specialty the overlap would be only be about 75%. I was really pressing him for a higher number and he eventually gave in, but said no way it was higher than 80%. This guy is kind of like Sklansky, he's the smartest person I know, and while I can offer no evidence to support any case here, I take his word as gold.

-Michael

[Duke]

[ QUOTE ]
This a complete, sickening hijack, but remember a while back when I said I would ask an expert about how much vocabulary overlaps between high-level vocab people?

Well, I got a response in person. He said it would undoubtedly be persons with training in classical Latin and Greek, but that because of different areas of specialty the overlap would be only be about 75%. I was really pressing him for a higher number and he eventually gave in, but said no way it was higher than 80%. This guy is kind of like Sklansky, he's the smartest person I know, and while I can offer no evidence to support any case here, I take his word as gold.

[/ QUOTE ]

It actually does relate. Maybe the secret is to only use the 20% of words that the other doesn't know, that way nobody is ever sure of anything and nobody gets mad at each other, when you have a chick you want to be banging and she might not want it.

~D

[jdl22]

Just to rehijack, did you ever settle on a 50th percentile word? I remember we spend forever on here and irc several months ago thinking and last I remember there was never a conclusion.

[bernie]

[ QUOTE ]
She wouldn't even accept the fact that I fell in love with her. She didn't believe me.


[/ QUOTE ]

It doesn't matter if she accepted the fact or not, whatever the hell that means. Accept the fact that she isn't in love with you.

Exercise! That's great for depression. Then get out in public and meet some people. At least talk to them. It'll do wonders.

IF after another month or so you still feel like crap. Pay the $50 and go talk to someone about it. Im not kidding. This will do wonders for your overall outlook and way of looking at things. I've done it. It was fantastic.

Whatever you do, don't cause the restraining order to be issued.

b

[augie00]

To re-hijack,

[ QUOTE ]
But she's a very flirtatious person and communicates in body language more than verbal language. When we started getting really close, she told me she had no idea I ever had a crush on her EVEN THOUGH I TOLD HER IN VERY PLAIN ENGLISH.

[/ QUOTE ]

Oh.My.God. This is 100% Ashley.

Our stories are eerily similar. Secretly, I'm hoping something like this happens between me and Ashley.

I wouldn't say she led me on, but I think it hurt a little more than it should have because it just seemed like she felt differently than she would admit.

Is it worth trying to salvage a friendship out of this? I don't know if it is; it's really damn painful to even think about her, much less be around her.

She gets all upset cause I don't "act like I used to," and we get angry at each other on occasion because I act like a mope when we're together.

The concensus here is to "forget about her and meet other people." I think the only way to do this is to just totally cut her out of my life. Is this a good idea?

[craig r]

Here's the thing...people are telling you what they would do in your situation. As far as cutting her off completely, that is up to you. If you find out she is fuckking someone else, will that really bother you? Will you still be able to be around her knowing she doesn't feel the same way as you? I agree that feelings can sometimes change, but in these types of situations they don't (i hope in a few months you can call me an ashole and tell me i was wrong). So, if you think you can be friends with her and not let it fucke with your head, then hang out with her. You can always change your mind later.

craig

[daveymck]

The fact she does not fancy you surely should not stop you being friends? I dont see why you cannot act like you used too, yes its a pain she didnt want you and it might piss you off a bit but if you were such good friends I would not let it get in the way.

But if you cant cope with it and when she gets a boyfriend will not be able to cope with that and be civil goig for the cut out might be the right option.

[gaming_mouse]

[ QUOTE ]
i had a similar problem. you will never feel completely better until you find someone else.
Also, read this site:
web page (http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html)

[/ QUOTE ]

this website is brilliant. i love it.

[augie00]

[ QUOTE ]
If you find out she is fuckking someone else, will that really bother you?

[/ QUOTE ]

I shamefully admit, this would drive me up a wall. It would make me want to pluck my eyes out.

Maybe it would be better if I just quit talking to her...

[craig r]

You probably shouldn't hang out with her for a while. One reason is that i think subconsciously people think they will be able to change the other's mind. you might even try consciously. but if you would freak out about her with other people (or freak out about anything having to do with your feelings towards her) then it is better for both of you. Because even though she didn't return the feelings there is no point in making her miserable as well.

craig

[elwoodblues]

Just do I do when someone I love doesn't love me back, simple:

It puts the lotion on its' skin, or else it gets the hose again.

[Hack]

You say that because you haven't met the right one.

You will, in time.

[Hack]

I married my best friend. There is nothing wrong with being best friends with girls, as some in this thread have stated.

But if you love someone who doesn't love you back, give it time. Feelings can change. Talk to her. Call her. Tell her how you really feel, with elaboration.

Maybe you guys can still be friends. Losing a best friend is bad.

[Hack]

That page looks like a bunch of BS written by some guy who got dumped too many times.

Women are not only interested in power and money. My wife wasn't, and she isn't unattractive either.

[Shajen]

[ QUOTE ]
Just do I do when someone I love doesn't love me back, simple:

It puts the lotion on its' skin, or else it gets the hose again.

[/ QUOTE ]

NICE. /images/graemlins/laugh.gif

[IndieMatty]

Wait till your out of college and dump a girl who you should marry, only to realize 5 months later that you shouldn't have done that...and then have her still hate you.

Much worse to have it and throw it away then for it to not be reciprocated.