Gamblor - How about a Ft. Laud Trip Report

[Slacker13]

Since I had oral surgery from the dentist from hell I was unable to meet up with Gamblor during his visit to S. Florida. Any good poker/partying/I got laid story's to tell?

[Gamblor]

I don't tell stories very well...

Lots of drinking, only one pronographic episode involving a female jewish college lacrosse player (heavens! i never knew such a thing existed!)

I have a bunch of digital pictures I'll get and subsequently post that will tell the story in a much better manner...

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
I have a bunch of digital pictures I'll get and subsequently post that will tell the story in a much better manner...

[/ QUOTE ]
Well? Where are they?

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I have a bunch of digital pictures I'll get and subsequently post that will tell the story in a much better manner...

[/ QUOTE ]
Well? Where are they?

[/ QUOTE ]

[Gamblor]

One of my best friends from Toronto, Jesse, longtime 2+2 lurker and slightly-profitable low-no-limit player, took a trip down to Florida to visit our friends Chad and Andy from Michigan State who had moved down there earlier in the year. Jesse drove down with his family while I flew alone(thank you Party Poker Marketing Dept!).

The digital pictures were on my friend's digital camera which, apparently, went missing at Automatic Slim's on Las Olas Riverfront.

No pictures. You can thank Chad for this. Everyone email him. cbishop@staubach.com. He lives in New River Village too in Ft. Lauderdale. Junkmailers and spammers, that's his email too - he checks it every day and opens every message and often buys things when solicited through email. He blames his roommate Andy for losing the pictures. Tell him the Toronto boys sent you.

US Airways flight at 4:30 Dec 24th was delayed an hour in Toronto, again in Philadelphia, and finally made it to FLL at 1:30am, minus my bags.

As I got there we had a friend and his female chicka from Hamilton, ON, staying at my buddy's - 5 of us went through a 2-4 of Budweiser, a 2-4 of some piss they called "Natty Light" and a bottle of Jose, and it wasn't long before this little sweetheart was topless and puking everywhere.

Good times.

The key of the trip was definitely Automatic Slim's. Despite travelling from bar to bar in South Beach and Ft. Lauderdale, Automatic Slim's somehow always found its way into the equation. Now, Jesse is 22, 6'9" and about 280 lbs, and for the purposes of our trip, was a Toronto Blue Jays prospect. I, on the other hand, am 24, 6'0" 185 lbs, and an early round Goaltending draft pick of the Toronto Maple Leafs. Chad was our agent, bringing us down to Florida to celebrate the signing of our first major league contracts. These "facts" would prove to be very beneficial later in the trip.

We're big classic rock fans, so automatic Slim's was perfect. The girls dancing on the bar didn't hurt either. Nor did the girls dancing on the dance floor. So there we are, Chad's hustling around dealing with the people like any good agent would, and suddenly we're on a couch with Ed, the owner. Nice guy, but had a lot of questions. Was really interested in our "professions" until he asked Jesse what he studied at University of Toronto:

"Banging Bitches."

That comment got us free booze for the trip, so it was really easy to come back there night after night.

Truth be told, during the day the weather was real bad. Maybe 20 degrees (60 fahrenheit i think) at best. Most days were spent recovering from the bingefest the night before, but on thursday (with my bags finally returned) we got to the beach.

Wow.

The sheer number of people is ridiculous - we were all a little claustrophobic so we took frequent trips to the Elbo Room to rehydrate. Or dehydrate, or something, whatever beer does. Upon return to the beach, it became obvious that we had to bust out some serious 1970's beach moves to get female attention, so out came the football, and one "errant" throw later, we were involved in a game with a few girls we'd met in bikinis with big tits. Which are awesome. It didn't take long for the game rules to include tackling, and it took only slightly longer for the girls to figure out that us guys seemed to enjoy when they gang-tackled us.

Highlight: choreographing a touchdown dance with two of the girls in which I pose like a Greek god, and they fawn over me. I raise my arms in the air, and as I bring them down behind them, I pull apart the knot in their bikini tops. I could only get one done. No exposure. Damn.

Our host's family was in town so we got to a few restaurants on his tab. He was a really nice guy, especially when he heard we were Blue Jays and Leafs draft picks. We went to Benihana, which I rate a 7/10 - we have a Teppanyaki restaurant in Toronto that blows that place out of the water; it's called Memories of Japan and if you've ever been there you'd say the same.

The eating highlight of the trip was a place called Chima on Las Olas. It's a Brazilian steakhouse, it's incredible. For a flat rate per person, they bring you huge skewers of meat like the size of a whole roast and shave off pieces of it - Sirloin, filet mignon, ribs, pork, any kind of meat you could ever ask for they just shave it off right into your plate. We had the sirloin guy there for 20 minutes just waiting for his next task - which was to get me the girl's number sitting at the table across from us. She declined. Must be the waiter's breath.

We ended up going out with the girls from the beach the next night in Delray to some little restaurant bar. They were from the University of Miami, and even more so, they were Jewish. It turns out, one of them is an ex-girlfriend of one of my buddies whose family moved from Florida to Toronto, so we spent the better part of an hour making fun of him, placing obscene phone calls to him, and getting her drunken ass on the phone...

"Baby, I've never had anyone as good as you, I want to fuck you so bad, if you were only here. I know you'd love to come down, but instead I'll just fuck this 350 lb black man sitting next to me"

That's what friends are for.

I, on the other hand, spent most of my night in love. She is a lacrosse player, she's Jewish, and having played varsity lacrosse at U of T, it was an easy connection. The stretch lines between protruding nipples on the front of her shirt were awesome too. Not like a lot of the childish Jewish girls in Toronto who are only concerned with where their next Tiffany's bracelet is coming from, these girls were fun, (and way richer). We drank late and of course, made it back to Slim's for last call. I later had a last call of my own with the love of my life, which I in part attribute to my professional athlete status symbol.

By the end of the week, we had free Automatic Slim's t-shirts we were wearing over black suits with big aviator sunglasses. We designed one shirt each to look like the back of a uniform - I was number 69, I was "Sex Machine" and to bust out an oldy but goody: My partner in crime was 12" Thundercock.

My iPod is also filled with the entire playlist, courtesy of the DJ's CD collection.

We didn't bother with any poker while down there.

My last day was the best... just spent relaxing on the beach and partying at the Elbo Room, singing rock songs with the guitar player and dancing with some serious cougar with I'd guess oh, EEE tits.

They were huge, she was thin, 40ish, and she had more plastic in her than the Mattel factory. I love the States.

Despite being in touch via PM with Slacker and jakethebake a few times but we never actually made it out due to Slacker's wisdom teeth. Next time for sure.

[Gamblor]

Those Livestrong bracelets are just making it into the mainstream in Canada and I went to virtually every Target (we pronounce it Tarjey /images/graemlins/grin.gif) and 7-11 in Ft. Lauderdale looking for any Yellow Livestrong and/or the blue LiveJewish and/or any variation ("Save our Troops", the Nike "Baller", the pink Breast Cancer one, etc. etc.) to bring back to my family.

They're not quite as overplayed in Toronto as they are in the US, where every soccer mom, middle-age syndrome dad, and spoiled rotten 12-year old girl was wearing one. SO gay.

Where would I get them in Canada, or alternatively, anyone want to help me out? I'll transfer you $ on Stars/Party/PokerNow/UB/FullTilt in exchange for a package with an assortment of like 25 of them.

Thanks for any help I can get everyone.

[razor]

my brother-in-law bought his Livestrong bracelets online.

At Lance Armstrong Foundation Store (http://www.laf-store.org/) if I'm not mistaken.

[Gamblor]

The truth is the Livestrong one is probably the last one I'd buy.

All the other ones appear to be far more entertaining.

Again, if anyone can help that'd be appreciated.

[jakethebake]

Here. (http://www.allinbracelets.com/) /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[Rick Diesel]

[ QUOTE ]
Now, Jesse is 22, 6'9" and about 280 lbs, and for the purposes of our trip, was a Toronto Blue Jays prospect. I, on the other hand, am 24, 6'0" 185 lbs, and an early round Goaltending draft pick of the Toronto Maple Leafs. Chad was our agent, bringing us down to Florida to celebrate the signing of our first major league contracts.

[/ QUOTE ]

My friends and I pull this [censored] all the time. I am 6'2", with all of my friends taller than me except for Little Kev, who is about 5'8". Kev is also the oldest, so he fits in perfectly as the agent. We all normally dress in a hip-hop style fashion that is predictive of many athletes today, so looking the part is not a problem.

Much easier scoring chicks this way than to tell them that I am a poker playing CPA.

[jakethebake]

[ QUOTE ]
I have a bunch of digital pictures I'll get and subsequently post that will tell the story in a much better manner...

[/ QUOTE ]
We're still waaaaiting.....?

[Gamblor]

As per my Trip report (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=&Number=1561690&page=&view=&s b=5&o=&vc=1) post:

[ QUOTE ]
No pictures. You can thank Chad for this. Everyone email him. cbishop@staubach.com. He lives in New River Village too in Ft. Lauderdale. Junkmailers and spammers, that's his email too - he checks it every day and opens every message and often buys things when solicited through email. He blames his roommate Andy for losing the pictures. Tell him the Toronto boys sent you.


[/ QUOTE ]

[Gamblor]

We all normally dress in a hip-hop style fashion that is predictive of many athletes today, so looking the part is not a problem.

Nice touch...

I mainly stayed in Canadian farm boy character, wearing a week's worth of scruff, Nike/Bauer/CCM/Under Armour t-shirts and hats, jeans, and Birkenstocks. After the casual dropping of the "facts" at the front door, the second I said "Toronto, Canada" the doorman seemed to accept my attire instantly.

Heh.