here goes nothin

[dr. klopek]

Friends, today I embark on a journey from which far too many return. It will be long and arduous, and will test my will and character. Today, I quit smoking.

Last night before bed, while I smoked my last cigarette, I had to dismember and dispose of the rest of the cigarettes. As I was doing this, a wave of suffocating panic overtook me while thinking about not being able to smoke...tomorrow...I was smoking at the time. The first reason I thought of to get out of bed this morning: yup, you guessed it, cigarette. I'm going to spend my day drinking coffee, waiting for buses, taking breaks at work, and playing poker. This won't be easy. At this very moment, in fact, my primary thought is how easy it would be to go to the store right now and end his agony. I am in hell.

So...any good jokes, stories, pics, anecdotes, complaints, beats, useless facts, questions or concerns that you can use to glue me to the computer? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DISTRACT ME!!!!!!!!!!

[uw_madtown]

Have you ever had anything really bad happen to you during your life?

If so, think of that. Then, realize that not smoking is nothing compared to [bad thing]. In fact, it's not even on the same level. Nowhere near it. Not smoking, compared to [bad thing], is a cakewalk. You lived through [bad thing]. You'll live through not smoking.

Another suggestion. Reverse psychology. Realize that smoking isn't the opponent, but rather your desire to smoke is. This isn't simply a matter of "will I or won't I?"... it's a matter of pride. You must build up such a shameful stigma on the act of your smoking that if you DO smoke, you won't enjoy it. You will be too immersed in shame and regret. You would feel horrible. And you must build up such pride in your decision, that every minute, hour, day that you don't smoke, you aren't thinking about "I wanna smoke I wanna smoke" -- you're thinking, "I'm the [censored] man. No WAY am I smoking."

[liquidboss]

[ QUOTE ]
Another suggestion. Reverse psychology. Realize that smoking isn't the opponent, but rather your desire to smoke is. This isn't simply a matter of "will I or won't I?"... it's a matter of pride. You must build up such a shameful stigma on the act of your smoking that if you DO smoke, you won't enjoy it. You will be too immersed in shame and regret. You would feel horrible. And you must build up such pride in your decision, that every minute, hour, day that you don't smoke, you aren't thinking about "I wanna smoke I wanna smoke" -- you're thinking, "I'm the [censored] man. No WAY am I smoking."

[/ QUOTE ]

I do this a lot when I have to do something I really don't feel like doing, including when I quit smoking. Use it as a test of your strength of will. After a few days the cravings will lessen and when they do hit (after eating, while drinking) just take each as a single decision. Don't think about how hard it is to never smoke, just make the choice not to smoke now. Before you know it, the pysical addition will be broken and that's half the battle. Good luck...

[SuitedSixes]

Fark (http://www.fark.com)
Bash (http://www.bash.org/)
Homestar Runner (http://www.homestarrunner.com/)
College Humor (http://www.collegehumor.com/)

I have seen more of the internet than anyone alive (I've beat the guy at the end . . . he's really tough). These are sure-fire time wasters . . . other than OOT at 2+2.

Good Luck, Doc.

[chabibi]

has anyone here tried zyban i heard it works well and was considering using it
id like some feedback from anyone whos has success or falure with it

[lapoker17]

This is, I'm sure, not the standard result, but certainly something to be aware of:

I have an old boss/friend who was taking Zyban a few months back and had an enormous seizure - He's been in a coma ever since.

Apparently it reduces your defenses against seizures and has brutal side effects on the unlucky few - Just be careful...

[ClaytonN]

Homestar Runner rules

Just remember, quitting smoking will most likely be one of the most difficult things you will struggle with in your lifetime. But getting tobacco and nicotine free will do wonders for you, your family, your friends, the list keeps going and going.

Most importantly, get help. This can be a huge burden alone and cold turkey, so go beyond the realm of "distraction" and don't be afraid to use the gum, the patch, therapist help, whatever.

Congrats on getting the cajones to try, but trying is just one of many steps.

You da man. Now do it.

[Reef]

www.midgetporn.com (http://www.midgetporn.com)

[dr. klopek]

I will sell my soul to he who tells me how to resume smoking guilt-free.

[SomethingClever]

Good luck!

[Cyrus]

[ QUOTE ]
I will sell my soul to he who tells me how to resume smoking guilt-free.

[/ QUOTE ]

At a certain age, personal utility dictates that the pleasure from smoking is worth the price of a shorter lifetime. There's a curve that slides downward, indicating the remaining years that smoking cuts away from your life as you get older. There's anothe curve going up (but at a smaller angle) that indicates the pleasure one gets from smoking as he gets older. Around where the two curves intersect you can start smoking guilt-free.

[The above is copied from AC Player's book "Everything Through Mathematics", 1984.]

[dr. klopek]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I will sell my soul to he who tells me how to resume smoking guilt-free.

[/ QUOTE ]

At a certain age, personal utility dictates that the pleasure from smoking is worth the price of a shorter lifetime. There's a curve that slides downward, indicating the remaining years that smoking cuts away from your life as you get older. There's anothe curve going up (but at a smaller angle) that indicates the pleasure one gets from smoking as he gets older. Around where the two curves intersect you can start smoking guilt-free.

[The above is copied from AC Player's book "Everything Through Mathematics", 1984.]

[/ QUOTE ]

Okay, but how to make them intersect? I guess I owe you one soul cyrus. All sales final.

So yesterday was the first full day without smoking, and last night I slept about 3 hours because my body temp was about 500 degrees. This is awesome. I want to rip my own head off. I want to flex all of my muscles and bite down on my teeth until I explode. I want to scratch all of my skin off with my fingernails. I would do anything to make my blood stop itching.

[Sponger15SB]

[ QUOTE ]
I want to rip my own head off. I want to flex all of my muscles and bite down on my teeth until I explode. I want to scratch all of my skin off with my fingernails. I would do anything to make my blood stop itching.

[/ QUOTE ]

I Am Dr. Klopek's Smirking Revenge.

[ricochet420]

/images/graemlins/wink.gif

[Cyrus]

Smoking is pleasure. Which is why I overdosed before I went cold turkey three years and some months ago. If the bastard had left a good memory, it would have been a meaner bitch to give up. I was a one-pack-a-day person so I went forcibly to three packs. Whether I wanted a smoke or not, I lighted up. I am not kidding. For some three or four days leading up to Day Zero.

[benfranklin]

[ QUOTE ]
So...any good jokes, stories, pics, anecdotes, complaints, beats, useless facts, questions or concerns that you can use to glue me to the computer?

[/ QUOTE ]

Don't stay glued to the computer. Get out of the house and take a walk. A long one. And tomorrow take a longer one. Or ride a bike or run or lift weights or whatever. Exercise will burn off your excess energy and let you relax, and it will decrease your cravings for nicotine.

Many years ago, I was a heavy smoker and just plain heavy, and decided I needed to get in shape. I started exercising with no thought about quitting smoking. The more I exercised, the less I smoked. When it got to the point when my first cigarette of the day was after dinner, I figured I might was well stop buying those things. You results may vary, but that's what worked for me.

[dr. klopek]

It didn't take.

[balkii]

[censored] nub