Hilarity Ensues - Funniest Webpage Ever

[EliteNinja]

These are some review comments of Party Poker:

Comments about Party Poker (http://www.homepokergames.com/party.php)

2 Excerpts:

[ QUOTE ]
This was my first poker site. After being disgusted about being beat on the river ALL THE TIME, I went to another site where I actually started winning on a regular basis. Now that I have played for a while I realize that TOO MANY PEOPLE GET LUCKY ON THE RIVER at Party Poker. Mathematically speaking it occurs a lot more than it should. It gives the impression that Party Poker intentionally rewards bad play in order to keep novices hooked. I have also noticed that everytime I cash-out or win a bonus I suddenly start having a losing streak. I was once dealt over 100 losing hands in a row after receiving a bonus. I am very suspicious of this site and will not play here again.

[/ QUOTE ]

[ QUOTE ]
I have had very similar experiences at PP as that of others. I deposited $50 and within 2 wks I had amassed about $1100 (and did not cash out). Then PP turned against me. I dropped about $500 in two days and cashed out. Bottom line, they hook in the "new" players, but once you get too successful, watch out. I am looking for a more fair website. At pp, it seemed like every time I had a straight on 4th st, a flush would come on the river. Every time I had a flush on 4, a boat would magically appear on the river. Definitely not "real" poker.

[/ QUOTE ]

Funny stuff.

But what's not funny is that this information may scare potential fish away from online poker.

[crazy canuck]

This is even funnier:

[ QUOTE ]
i am professional gam,bler played on party poker for 8 months it is most corrupt poker site ever seen bots on every table stay out fo side rooms especially $15'30 if there are 10 at table guaranteed 6 at party poker bots i kid you nto i documented over 400 cases finally had enough i was major player on there site so much as they refunded me over 3,000 jsut from me complaing of very strange hands per example one player hitting 4 4 of a kind in a row when i was at 30/60 table my advice is to stay way clear of party poker unless you jsut are casual gambler like $1/2 but anyhtng mroe and you can't win take it from me who bets over 2 million a yr you can email me i will be happy to tell your more mr rober ferguson is poker investigations knows me well take care im still looking for honest poker site cant find one also gaming poker and tiger poker also rigged

[/ QUOTE ]

[EliteNinja]

[ QUOTE ]
I am what you might call a "tight" to "extremely tight" (rock) semi-pro player. Very nice layout & functionality. HOWEVER, I am concerned about the unusually long "streaks" of bad luck. I am familiar with poker odds & the fact that everything will even out in the long run - ASSUMING that the correct poker probabilities are being utilized on the website. In the last 1,000 hours (+-) on this site, I have consistently found that the fequency of BAD BEATS is disturbing. We must keep in mind that there are inherently more bad players in online gaming because of the convenience & less threatening ability to play from your home; with more bad players - you get more bad beats. With all that said, I still have a bad taste in my mouth. Here's something tangible that should matter to the average poker player... I track my poker play...at "live" games I average $55 per hour over the last 2 years; at Party Poker that number is NEGATIVE $46 per hour!!!! Good Luck!

[/ QUOTE ]

lol

[Sephus]

[ QUOTE ]
Oct 26, 2004 - Steff has played at - different sites and rated it a -.
I find for the most part that this site is a joke. I still play all the time, but would never play for real money on this site. There is too much scanning and stacking of the deck. I have to try table after table just to find legit players. Need to start monitoring play tables more, and then maybe I would consider playing cash. Until then, I will stick to real casinos. P.S. I play at real casinos on a VERY regular basis, and know how to play poker. Cheating is involved at Party Poker. Those who say that it isn't are probably the cheaters.

[/ QUOTE ]

[phixxx]

AHahahahaha, the semipro is hilarious.

Oh, and when one intelligent person makes a smart comment:

[ QUOTE ]
Sep 05, 2004 - TheDirtRoadWarrior has played at 15 different sites and rated it a 8.
With the thousands of people playing at Party Poker, it is inevitable that there will be tons of complaints. These complaints usually come from losers who can not come to grips with the fact that they are not good players. Ego is a killer in poker, and when most lose they can't possibly blame themselves. Therefore, it must be the site hey? Yes there are tons of loose, inexperienced players at Party Poker. This explains why so many beats on the river. It is gonna happen when call stations just don't know when to stop. They are rookies. If you are really a good player you will be able to outlast the rookies who rely on fishing for river cards. Sure you will get beat a bit more often, but I will put my skills against a bunch of reckless fisherman any day of the week. Luckily there will always be a bunch of whinebag losers who will never figure out they suck, and will continue to play. Whether it is at Party Poker or somewhere else, they will lose, and hopefully I will be there to grab their chips. A bit of advice, if Party Poker constantly rewards bad players chasing river cards, why the heck don't you start chasing every straight and flush and adapt to the corruption you speak of? Heck, if I could always fish out a river card, I would play a bunch of bad hands too.

[/ QUOTE ]

The experts rebound with:

[ QUOTE ]
Sep 15, 2004 - badbeated has played at 8 different sites and rated it a 1.
Don't believe what TheDirtRoadWarrior is saying. In fact the comments you've read from others above are true in just about every site, and not just party poker. They all cheat. These sites are not regulated. I for one always win when I'm in Atlantic City or Las Vegas, and over there I don't see the dealing patterns that I see online.

[/ QUOTE ]

Good find, I needed a laugh.

P.S.

[ QUOTE ]
Sep 21, 2004 - playerman has played at 3 different sites and rated it a 3.
I agree with most of the negative comments about partypoker. Too many river winners. I don't know if it's b/c the site's software is screwed up (erroneous random selection of cards), players cheating (playing in collusion with other players or using a "scanner"), or what.

[/ QUOTE ]

Where can I get one of these scanners? Maybe EBay?

[Equal]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Oct 26, 2004 - Steff has played at - different sites and rated it a -.
I find for the most part that this site is a joke. I still play all the time, but would never play for real money on this site. There is too much scanning and stacking of the deck. I have to try table after table just to find legit players. Need to start monitoring play tables more, and then maybe I would consider playing cash. Until then, I will stick to real casinos. P.S. I play at real casinos on a VERY regular basis, and know how to play poker. Cheating is involved at Party Poker. Those who say that it isn't are probably the cheaters.

[/ QUOTE ]

[/ QUOTE ]

That is beautiful... he plays FOR PLAY MONEY ONLY but "There is too much scanning and stacking of the deck. I have to try table after table just to find legit players."

lololollololool

[Burno]

Play money or not, it's still cheating.

[1337 skills]

[ QUOTE ]
Dec 15, 2004 - Poker Dingleberry has played at 5 different sites and rated it a 10.
This site is a total joke! First let me tell you my horrible tragic story of winning and losing, love and betrayal. First, I just got fired from my job at KFC. I was feeling pretty depressed. I went home to watch some TV and ran across Celebrity Poker Showdown. I said, "Hey! I can call all my money with ace high just like Dennis Rodman!" Then I saw an ad for Party Poker with that Mike Sexton guy. I like his voice. Anyway, I took my last paycheck of $122.13 plus my life savings of $944.93 and made my deposit. I kept the change just in case i went broke, you know, so I don't end up like Matt Damon and humping a graveyard stiff or whatever he said. Anyway, I went to a .25/.50 table with my $1100 and immediately people were so nice to me! That was good. Anyway, my strategy was to play every hand, all the way, no matter what. I couldn't believe how much I was losing! I mean, it looks so easy on TV, but this site is probably RIGGED! Some guy chatted "GAMMMBOOOOOL" to me but I don't speak Swahili. Anyway, specifically, one hand I had 2-3 and I was first. Well, these cards are connected, so they must be good! I raised. Some TOTAL SUCKER raises me! Agh! What the hell, did he get 4-5 or something?!?!?!??!! Of course the whole friggin table called. I read somewhere that pot odds are important, so I reraised. He capped! Jesus what was going on here?!!?!? Anyway, the flop came A-4-2. Holy crap what a great flop! I had a pair and a straight draw! This was AWESOME! Me and this guy got into a raising war like you wouldn't believe. What could he possibly have? The turn card was a 5!!!!!1111 YES!!!!! I made a straight! Oh man I was so happy. Again we were betting the hell out of each other. The river was another 2, giving me three of a kind to go along with my straight! HOLY COW NO WAY WAS I LOSING! But this guy wouldn't stop! Finally after we capped the betting again, I confidently show my hand, and he turns over two aces! OMG I SO GOT RIVERED! THIS SITE IS RIGGED! I of course immediately called Customer Service to complain, and they were like "Gee, maybe you're an idiot." And I was like "Hey, this game isn't as easy as it looks!" and they were like "Idiots usually say that." and I was like "Oh yeah?" Anyway, after 2 days I cashed out for $13. I can't believe I spent my life savings in a .25/.50 game! Somebody told me I might have set a world record. I don't know what's he's referring to there, but probably BAD BEAT RECORDS! Man I'm never playing there again!

[/ QUOTE ]

Who wrote this? /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[phixxx]

I was interested too. That was funny, probably someone from 2+2

[AncientPC]

The "GAMMMBOOOOOL" really gives it away, hehe.

[SpaceAce]

[ QUOTE ]
Who wrote this? /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

Apparently someone who doesn't actually play at PartyPoker; there are no $.25/$.50 tables.

SpaceAce

[OrangeHeat]

[ QUOTE ]
Dec 15, 2004 - DVL has played at 30 different sites and rated it a 5.
One time, the cards came flying out of PartyPoker and somehow ended up in my [censored]. It was bleeding for a while, and I had to go to the ER to have the cards removed. I also found chips up my ass, so I guess I won the hand. Oh yea, another time I pressed raise when I had pocket aces, someone called, and I won the hand so I guess this place is rigged. But the whole card thing in my ass was awesome!!! Uh oh, must hide, Sklansky and Malmuth have come to show me naked pictures of GrannyMae.

[/ QUOTE ]

Hahahaha - we need to flood this board with commentary.

Orange

[MicroBob]

[ QUOTE ]
Apparently someone who doesn't actually play at PartyPoker; there are no $.25/$.50 tables.


[/ QUOTE ]


Well...the blinds on the NL-25 games are .25/.50. But it would be impossible to sit-down with your entire $1100 at these tables.

[Mike Haven]

Hilarious find!

For anyone who remembers Sunrise-Poker, there's a X-reference back to the Zoo that is worth reading again, (http://archiveserver.twoplustwo.com/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=181814&page=1&view=expand ed&sb=5&o=14&fpart=all&vc=1) for old time's sake.

[OrangeHeat]

[ QUOTE ]
Dec 16, 2004 - LoserDetector has played at 8 different sites and rated it a 10.
It's nice to see a bunch of losers who can't beat the easiest games around whining and moaning about how the site is "rigged" just because they cannot admit they are not good enough to beat the game. For Pete's sake most of you think they are rigging .50/1 and other low limit games - get a grip and think logically (which is obviously a challenge for 95% of you). If they were to rig anything it wouldn't be your little games. Your losses are your own fault. I know your not Man enough to admit you suck, but rest assured that is the cause of your pain. Admitting your a loser is the first step. First however you will have to extract your heads from your behinds. BTW - Party is the best Poker Room for making monay you will find on or offline. You just have to have half a brain.

[/ QUOTE ]

Mwhahahaha this site is funnier than the fart thread in OOT.

Orange

[CORed]

[ QUOTE ]
Where can I get one of these scanners? Maybe EBay?

[/ QUOTE ]

I can sell you one. Email me at ptbarnum@oneborneveryminute.com

[CORed]

Everyone knows that cheating is rampant on the Party play money tables.

[ThorGoT]

No, no, you can win on the play money tables, but somehow those skills don't translate:


Nov 11, 2004 - Sam has played at 1 different sites and rated it a 3.
I have played party poker for about 4 months now and I am exasperated with the sight. I am a good enough player. I'm not claiming to be a pro but I'm good enough. It seems the more times I re deposit. The quicker and harsher I lose the money. But then when I'm on free money, I just win oodles and oodles of money. I never have to re up on free money. I play so well and become so confident that this time I'll do well, that I re up to real money. And what do you know, gone in less than a day. I started noticing my bad luck string and how much worse it was getting after I cashed out. Ever since I did that, I've never gotten squat for cards. I'm not saying that the sight is corrupt, but it's just so aggravating. It's almost like they have me pegged as how to push my buttons with cards. I would understand if in free money, I was one of those guys that constantly had to reup but I've never reupped even once on dot.net or dot.com free money. I've built bankrolls into the millions on those sights, and then when I play with the real money all of the sudden I'm such a bad player. I don't buy it. I think you're account gets blacklisted if you cash out. It's the only explanation I have for it. It's so non-random. That's enought ranting for me, but I do warn everyone that reads this. There are a few tricks up their sleeve.

[alittle]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Where can I get one of these scanners? Maybe EBay?

[/ QUOTE ]

I can sell you one. Email me at ptbarnum@oneborneveryminute.com

[/ QUOTE ]

This way to the Egress!

[adamstewart]

ROTFLMFOA ... Damn, that was funny. I'm on a school computer laughing out loud right now......


[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Dec 15, 2004 - Poker Dingleberry has played at 5 different sites and rated it a 10.
This site is a total joke! First let me tell you my horrible tragic story of winning and losing, love and betrayal. First, I just got fired from my job at KFC. I was feeling pretty depressed. I went home to watch some TV and ran across Celebrity Poker Showdown. I said, "Hey! I can call all my money with ace high just like Dennis Rodman!" Then I saw an ad for Party Poker with that Mike Sexton guy. I like his voice. Anyway, I took my last paycheck of $122.13 plus my life savings of $944.93 and made my deposit. I kept the change just in case i went broke, you know, so I don't end up like Matt Damon and humping a graveyard stiff or whatever he said. Anyway, I went to a .25/.50 table with my $1100 and immediately people were so nice to me! That was good. Anyway, my strategy was to play every hand, all the way, no matter what. I couldn't believe how much I was losing! I mean, it looks so easy on TV, but this site is probably RIGGED! Some guy chatted "GAMMMBOOOOOL" to me but I don't speak Swahili. Anyway, specifically, one hand I had 2-3 and I was first. Well, these cards are connected, so they must be good! I raised. Some TOTAL SUCKER raises me! Agh! What the hell, did he get 4-5 or something?!?!?!??!! Of course the whole friggin table called. I read somewhere that pot odds are important, so I reraised. He capped! Jesus what was going on here?!!?!? Anyway, the flop came A-4-2. Holy crap what a great flop! I had a pair and a straight draw! This was AWESOME! Me and this guy got into a raising war like you wouldn't believe. What could he possibly have? The turn card was a 5!!!!!1111 YES!!!!! I made a straight! Oh man I was so happy. Again we were betting the hell out of each other. The river was another 2, giving me three of a kind to go along with my straight! HOLY COW NO WAY WAS I LOSING! But this guy wouldn't stop! Finally after we capped the betting again, I confidently show my hand, and he turns over two aces! OMG I SO GOT RIVERED! THIS SITE IS RIGGED! I of course immediately called Customer Service to complain, and they were like "Gee, maybe you're an idiot." And I was like "Hey, this game isn't as easy as it looks!" and they were like "Idiots usually say that." and I was like "Oh yeah?" Anyway, after 2 days I cashed out for $13. I can't believe I spent my life savings in a .25/.50 game! Somebody told me I might have set a world record. I don't know what's he's referring to there, but probably BAD BEAT RECORDS! Man I'm never playing there again!

[/ QUOTE ]

Who wrote this? /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

[Russ McGinley]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Dec 15, 2004 - Poker Dingleberry has played at 5 different sites and rated it a 10.
This site is a total joke! First let me tell you my horrible tragic story of winning and losing, love and betrayal. First, I just got fired from my job at KFC. I was feeling pretty depressed. I went home to watch some TV and ran across Celebrity Poker Showdown. I said, "Hey! I can call all my money with ace high just like Dennis Rodman!" Then I saw an ad for Party Poker with that Mike Sexton guy. I like his voice. Anyway, I took my last paycheck of $122.13 plus my life savings of $944.93 and made my deposit. I kept the change just in case i went broke, you know, so I don't end up like Matt Damon and humping a graveyard stiff or whatever he said. Anyway, I went to a .25/.50 table with my $1100 and immediately people were so nice to me! That was good. Anyway, my strategy was to play every hand, all the way, no matter what. I couldn't believe how much I was losing! I mean, it looks so easy on TV, but this site is probably RIGGED! Some guy chatted "GAMMMBOOOOOL" to me but I don't speak Swahili. Anyway, specifically, one hand I had 2-3 and I was first. Well, these cards are connected, so they must be good! I raised. Some TOTAL SUCKER raises me! Agh! What the hell, did he get 4-5 or something?!?!?!??!! Of course the whole friggin table called. I read somewhere that pot odds are important, so I reraised. He capped! Jesus what was going on here?!!?!? Anyway, the flop came A-4-2. Holy crap what a great flop! I had a pair and a straight draw! This was AWESOME! Me and this guy got into a raising war like you wouldn't believe. What could he possibly have? The turn card was a 5!!!!!1111 YES!!!!! I made a straight! Oh man I was so happy. Again we were betting the hell out of each other. The river was another 2, giving me three of a kind to go along with my straight! HOLY COW NO WAY WAS I LOSING! But this guy wouldn't stop! Finally after we capped the betting again, I confidently show my hand, and he turns over two aces! OMG I SO GOT RIVERED! THIS SITE IS RIGGED! I of course immediately called Customer Service to complain, and they were like "Gee, maybe you're an idiot." And I was like "Hey, this game isn't as easy as it looks!" and they were like "Idiots usually say that." and I was like "Oh yeah?" Anyway, after 2 days I cashed out for $13. I can't believe I spent my life savings in a .25/.50 game! Somebody told me I might have set a world record. I don't know what's he's referring to there, but probably BAD BEAT RECORDS! Man I'm never playing there again!

[/ QUOTE ]

Who wrote this? /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

LOL, I did /images/graemlins/smile.gif And no, I don't play at Party, but I did give them a 10/10! I also laughed at the play money guy.

[Crix]

[ QUOTE ]
I am what you might call a "tight" to "extremely tight" (rock) semi-pro player.

[/ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
at Party Poker that number is NEGATIVE $46 per hour!!!!

[/ QUOTE ]

This has got be my favorite. A 'rock' who loses $46 per hour, that site must be rigged!

[AncientPC]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I am what you might call a "tight" to "extremely tight" (rock) semi-pro player.

[/ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
at Party Poker that number is NEGATIVE $46 per hour!!!!

[/ QUOTE ]

This has got be my favorite. A 'rock' who loses $46 per hour, that site must be rigged!

[/ QUOTE ]

Sample size of ~100 hands probably. /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[Fat Nicky]

[ QUOTE ]
Dec 16, 2004 - LabSlick has played at - different sites and rated it a -.
Almost every comment I've seen on this forum about the unbelievable bad beats that occur on PP I've encountered (or witnessed). However, I typically win when I play with a little discipline. I lose when I get tired or bored. Bad beats...you're gonna see them (a large number of them or not). I am not even a good player...but DINGLEBERRY...what were you thinking? A "2-3"? Raise? suited or not, I know enough to realize that there are 11 other cards that can destroy your hand and seeing how 9 other players were playing at the table, chances are one of them could beat you. Your first clue should have been the raise after the flop...a pair of A's had you beat. All the fish that people have been writing about in the other statements? Guess what dude? You're the definitive FISHY. Funny thing about this...is that I was actually at the table when that happened...I still cant figure out what you were thinking. A loose player may be inclined to play J6, A5, Q7, K6, etc...but a 2-3? A monkey can be trained not to play those kind of hands. Good Luck...you'll need it.

[/ QUOTE ]

[Russ McGinley]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Dec 16, 2004 - LabSlick has played at - different sites and rated it a -.
Almost every comment I've seen on this forum about the unbelievable bad beats that occur on PP I've encountered (or witnessed). However, I typically win when I play with a little discipline. I lose when I get tired or bored. Bad beats...you're gonna see them (a large number of them or not). I am not even a good player...but DINGLEBERRY...what were you thinking? A "2-3"? Raise? suited or not, I know enough to realize that there are 11 other cards that can destroy your hand and seeing how 9 other players were playing at the table, chances are one of them could beat you. Your first clue should have been the raise after the flop...a pair of A's had you beat. All the fish that people have been writing about in the other statements? Guess what dude? You're the definitive FISHY. Funny thing about this...is that I was actually at the table when that happened...I still cant figure out what you were thinking. A loose player may be inclined to play J6, A5, Q7, K6, etc...but a 2-3? A monkey can be trained not to play those kind of hands. Good Luck...you'll need it.

[/ QUOTE ]

[/ QUOTE ]

I hope that was a joke response. Also note they removed my post. BASTARDS.

[phixxx]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Where can I get one of these scanners? Maybe EBay?

[/ QUOTE ]

I can sell you one. Email me at ptbarnum@oneborneveryminute.com

[/ QUOTE ]

Thanks! I hope this is better than that pattern mapper that I bought a while ago.

[Gorgonian]

Aug 21, 2004 - toot330@hotmail.com has played at 30 different sites and rated it a 1.
great poker website

[Oski]

Russ, you made it under-the-wire for post of the year.

Nice job.

[GrannyMae]

wonder where walter rhea is these days?

[EliteNinja]

OMFG, this guy lost his life savings!!!!!

[ QUOTE ]
Dec 16, 2004 - Poker Dingleberry has played at - different sites and rated it a -.
Hey LabSlick why don't you mind your own beezewax!!1111 I lost my life savings because this site is totally rigged. And now I learned that they don't even HAVE .25/.50 tables!!!1111 My money was totally stolen, but Najeezeablahalaekaeahan in Customer Service totally doesn't care and stuff.

[/ QUOTE ]

Nvm, just figured out it was the trout with the Family guy in his avatar who wrote it.

[Russ McGinley]

[ QUOTE ]
OMFG, this guy lost his life savings!!!!!

[ QUOTE ]
Dec 16, 2004 - Poker Dingleberry has played at - different sites and rated it a -.
Hey LabSlick why don't you mind your own beezewax!!1111 I lost my life savings because this site is totally rigged. And now I learned that they don't even HAVE .25/.50 tables!!!1111 My money was totally stolen, but Najeezeablahalaekaeahan in Customer Service totally doesn't care and stuff.

[/ QUOTE ]

Nvm, just figured out it was the trout with the Family guy in his avatar who wrote it.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah those MFers deleted my original post. I guess it was too obvious to them?

[EliteNinja]

*bumpage*