Favorite Lines to Bad Players

[TomCollins]

Ok, so it is inappropriate to talk trash to the fish. But sometimes after they dish out all the talk to you, and you take their money, you have to needle them a little back. It is a nice way to get them to reload and further tilt. I have a few favorite lines, I wonder if any of you have any other good ones.

"You just paid me off like this months mortgage"

"You must hate money"

-TC

[realwtf]

Thanks for the money. Keep the herpes.

[moondogg]

My favorite thing to say to bad players when they are playing bad is: [ QUOTE ]


[/ QUOTE ]

Don't kick the aquarium.

[Stupendous_Man]

[ QUOTE ]
My favorite thing to say to bad players when they are playing bad is: [ QUOTE ]


[/ QUOTE ]

Don't kick the aquarium.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm with Moondogg... I never make a comment back to the fish. I want them to keep coming back and thinking that they can take my money any and every night! /images/graemlins/cool.gif

[AncientPC]

[ QUOTE ]
My favorite thing to say to bad players when they are playing bad is: [ QUOTE ]


[/ QUOTE ]

Don't kick the aquarium.

[/ QUOTE ]

Ditto.

Or I tell them it's my lucky night.

[jedi]

"Keep trying, you'll pull in a pot sooner or later."

"You can't win if you fold."

[itsmarty]

[ QUOTE ]
"You can't win if you fold."

[/ QUOTE ]

I use this on the idiot that's berating the guy who sucked him out. "How could you call with that" "You can't win if you fold!"

It frequently accomplishes the goal of getting the idiot on my case instead of the other guy.

Martin

[dlk9s]

When I find someone that's fishier than me and decides to give me some lip, I like to respond,

"Shh...I'm counting your chips."

[lorinda]

"Would you like to play heads up to try to win it back?"

Lori

[Soleo]

Do you think fish will understand your comment? Or do you want to make them understand and think about odds, chances, underdogs? Seems you want to teach them right at table to help them beat you. This habit shows that you have not enough self-control or understanding of fish motives/knowledge/approach to the game. Telling this you killing the golden goose that feeds you. They play their luck while you play your odds/math, so better be nice and admit their luckiness, than berate their unconscious ignorance (most of them never heard about probability).

[lacky]

I'm always as freindly as possible to the truely bad players. They are all on my buddy list so I play them all alot. It's a good thing if they like me as they don't mind me seeking them out then. If I'm an ass to them to try and win a couple more bets tonight, they will likely leave the table the next day when I sit down.

The table loud mouth that plays ok and trash talks everyone is another matter. You can win big brownee points with the fish sticking up for them against that type of player.

Steve

[Evan]

I give them pop tests using the hand quizes from SSH to make them feel inadequate.

[MicroBob]

[ QUOTE ]
Do you think fish will understand your comment? Or do you want to make them understand and think about odds, chances, underdogs? Seems you want to teach them right at table to help them beat you.

[/ QUOTE ]



Agreed.

I have really mean table-coaches to thank for letting me know how badly I was playing when I first started.

Honestly, I didn't even know if a flush beat a full-house (or what 'muck' or 'pays BB' or 'nuts' meant) so I certainly didn't know that going all-in with A9o was bad strategy (I smelled a bluff....like I ALWAYS did then).

Actually, in my first day or two I wasn't even sure what those little 'NL, PL and Limit' abbreviations meant for each table in the lobby.
I was probably on EVERYONE'S buddy-list at Pokerstars (which was the first site I played at).


But the guy who I sucked-out against with my A9o all-in (two 9's on the flop) told me how bad a play it was and that I clearly didn't know how to play good poker.

I was a bit embarassed by my win and started to play even tighter.
"Golly...everyone REALLY knows what they're doing except me. They all think I'm an idiot and I think they might be right. I better take it easy and try to figure out what's going on."


If your comments will really work in putting the coach on tilt then go for it.
But a lot of times it will simply drive him away (have seen this happen MANY times) or will just succeed in making him play more correctly so be careful.

[Rudbaeck]

I basically have two:

1) "It was really looking up for you, that last one was just a bad beat. I'm sure you'll make it back if you stay."

2) "You are not man enough to buy in again."

I think everyone can figure out which type of player 1 & 2 respectively are aimed at when they bust.

Lately I've been seeing hordes (3...) of table coaches identify themselves with brown trout, berate players and then go on telling em to come here for information! (To be fair one missed the brown trout part.)

[Beavis68]

"Are your nipples sore? Cause you sure got milked."

There was one guy that was really trying to bust me, and he slow played aces against me and let me hit a flush before reraising me all-in.

"Sorry about that man, I didn't mean to make you look like such an idiot"

[Jay36489]

I've been wondering lately what to do to get a coach to shut the [censored] up. It pisses me off when they start running thier mouths and tighten a good table up. Any advise?

[Zarl]

[ QUOTE ]
Ok, so it is inappropriate to talk trash to the fish. But sometimes after they dish out all the talk to you, and you take their money, you have to needle them a little back. It is a nice way to get them to reload and further tilt. I have a few favorite lines, I wonder if any of you have any other good ones.

"You just paid me off like this months mortgage"

"You must hate money"

-TC

[/ QUOTE ]

"nh"

[CountDuckula]

[ QUOTE ]
"nh"

[/ QUOTE ]

This is absofrigginloutely the best line! You want the fish to keep playing K3o like it's a strong hand! Sure the great god Variance will smite you some days, but in the long run, you'll punish them severely for doing that.

The few times I've succumbed to the temptation to criticize bad play, I've regretted it immediately.

-Mike

[cepstrum]

Hi Tom -

I'm afraid that these are pretty poor. "You paid me off like this month's mortgage?" That doesn't even make sense. I don't know about you, but my mortgage doesn't pay me off. At least, not until years later when I sell the house. Or myabe you are saying that your opponent just paid you in the same way that you pay your mortgage. I guess that makes sense if you pay your mortgage with an electronic funds transfer, or if your opponent gives you a lump cash payment on the first of the month. As a future tip, when starting with the phrase "You just paid me off like," try not to strain. Stick with the basics. Slot machines. ATMs. The Money Store, for those of you who remember Phil Rizzuto. Hell, Phil Rizzuto himself works just fine here if you want to be obscure.

"You must hate money," while easily understood, lacks flair. It's at the same time too long to be considered pithy and too pedestrian to be considered clever or funny. That is a sad place for a put-down to live.

Of course, I can't just criticize your efforts without pretending to try to do better. So, if you want something short and mean, wait until that fish who has been giving you the business to bust out. Don't say a word until then. Then, when that little number goes to zero and the "sitting out" lamp gets lit, just type "Chips!"

I'm afraid I don't have anything longer to offer for general purpose use. I will, however, offer this anecdote. I was playing seven-card stud once, and I had a nice draw in a fairly big pot against a guy who obviously had at least aces, but probably at most aces up. I made my flush. He then recited to me the old chestnut, "Those who play for straights and flushes end up selling Fuller brushes." He dated himself pretty well with that one. Actually, he didn't. I had no idea what a Fuller brush was until I looked it up, but I knew at the time it had to be old. Anyway, for some unknown reason, I had the presence of mind to, within three seconds, compose and type the response, "Those who whine of brutal beats end up selling luncheon meats." It warn't poetry, but it was pretty good. The punchline is that someone else at the table thought one or both of those comments were directed at her. She responded the only way she knew how: "I am a medical doctor. That would never happen to me."

Cepstrum

[kiemo]

I just give them a blank stare.

[CORed]

In general, I agree with you (although if I'm on a losing streak I will sometimes make a negative comment, but this is a leak I'm working hard to plug). An exception, though, is loose agressive players. A lot of them think they know how to play poker, and sometimes a little trash talk after you beat them can put them completely on tilt. I'm especially inclined to trash talk back to maniacs if they have been giving me a hard time after I snap off their 4th bluff in 6 hands by calling with A high or something like that.

[CORed]

[ QUOTE ]
"Those who play for straights and flushes end up selling Fuller brushes."

[/ QUOTE ]

I haven't heard that one before. I'd always heard "Those who chase straights and flushes, soon go home on Greyhound buses." The other version rhymes better, but it is hopelessy outdated. I'm old enough that I have some vague early childhood memories of the Fuller Brush man coming to my house, but I don't think Fuller Brush has been around for a long time. Either way, it's mostly wrong for limit holdem or limit stud.

[n1stunnor]

"Yahtzeeeee" always seems to do the trick.

[sthief09]

yeah you generally shouldn't say anything but sometimes it's fun. I was clearing a bonus and about to quit and cash out one time and I happened to flop aces full on an A77 board headsup. 65 caught a backdoor straight and spewed chips to me. since I was quitting and not coming back, I couldn't hold myself back from writing "how does it feel to give me $55 while drawing completely, 100.000% dead?"

[Theodore Donald Kiravatsos]

You know...

The original post started with "I know it's inappropriate to do this". I'm willing to bet that few posters here have NEVER EVER berated someone. It's like running a red light, or peeing on the toilet seat or taking someone's last smoke. You should never do it, but most of us fail despite striving always for perfection. And we all have bad days from time to time.

That being said, if someone uses this post to share a piece of wit that they KNOW they should never use again (and hopefully won't), I don't see the harm in sharing a few zingers here.

"Nice bet. You could have checked and lost for free."

[itsmarty]

[ QUOTE ]
It's like running a red light, or peeing on the toilet seat or taking someone's last smoke. You should never do it, but most of us fail despite striving always for perfection.

[/ QUOTE ]

You're rationalizing. I've never berated anyone at the table for their play, and never will. I'm quite certain most good players can honestly say the same thing.

Martin

[balkii]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
"nh"

[/ QUOTE ]

This is absofrigginloutely the best line! You want the fish to keep playing K3o like it's a strong hand! Sure the great god Variance will smite you some days, but in the long run, you'll punish them severely for doing that.

The few times I've succumbed to the temptation to criticize bad play, I've regretted it immediately.

-Mike

[/ QUOTE ]


I absolutely HATE "nh." Its so obviously sarcastic. When I catch myself typing that in, thats the surest indicator that I'm on tilt.

The time that I do say "nh" is when someone takes the pot down and, shows that they had it. I say "nh" then in an attempt to keep getting them to show their cards.

[BigBaitsim (milo)]

I do type in "nh" when the player truly makes an awful play that works. The real fish don't recognize the sarcasm. I've said this quite a few times at the Moose Lodge, where they play like [censored], and love 10/20. Usually the fish are beaming and think they've played smart. "Nice hand" never dissuades them from their high opinions of themselves.

[Drunk Bob]

nh

[Theodore Donald Kiravatsos]

Let's see. You:

1) are a good player.
2) have perfect manners every time you have played, and will always have perfect manners in the future. Infallible, always perfect. There is not one solitary thing that you have said at a poker table that you could conceivably regret.
3) You are completely honest with yourself about this and other aspects of your game, as all good players are.

I'm honest enough with myself to know that I'm not perfect. I can also honestly say that I can count on one hand the number of times this year I've said something (to another player) that I've later regretted. I'm not proud of it, and it's not something that I intend to let happen again. I'm being completely honest by saying that the bottom of a -200 BB swing, the worst bad run that I'd seen in two years, was enough to bring out the worst in me. That was the last time I said something I shouldn't have. Right now I'd like to think that experiencing adversity has benefited me in some way...perhaps it will take something worse before I crack next time.

Looking back, I'm embarrassed that I lost my composure, and humbled that I cracked and became bitter after something that really amounts to small potatoes in the grand scheme of things.

[itsmarty]

Your admission of your own faults is admirable, but many of us don't have that problem, and saying we do is just an attempt to rationalize your behavior. People find a lot of reasons to think berating players is a minor flaw. It'll encourage them to stick around and try to beat you, it'll tilt them, everyone does it...it's all BS. Berating hurts us all and it's not ok.

I have tons of holes in my game, and I'm happy to admit them. I don't have to think you have them as well.

Martin

[AncientPC]

The only time I say nh is when someone hits quads or straight flushes. *shrugs*

[EliteNinja]

[ QUOTE ]
Your admission of your own faults is admirable, but many of us don't have that problem, and saying we do is just an attempt to rationalize your behavior. People find a lot of reasons to think berating players is a minor flaw. It'll encourage them to stick around and try to beat you, it'll tilt them, everyone does it...it's all BS. Berating hurts us all and it's not ok.

I have tons of holes in my game, and I'm happy to admit them. I don't have to think you have them as well.

Martin

[/ QUOTE ]

I have never berated anyone for their play either. I don't find that I have anything to prove. When someone sucks out on me, the worst I can say is "nh". Then I move on to my next table and next decision. By berating other people's play, you leak information about how you yourself would play a hand. I don't know why anyone would be mad at another poker player for their bad play.

[Adde]

I've been wondering lately what to do to get a coach to shut the [censored] up. It pisses me off when they start running thier mouths and tighten a good table up. Any advise?

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Adde