Make me laugh....

[kerssens]

I might send the first 3 people who can make me laugh $1....well...

[Sweaburg]

Open Letter to Dr. Laura after she made some homophobe comment....

Dear Dr. Laura
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I learned a great deal from you and understand why you would propose and support a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage. As you said, "in the eyes of God marriage is based between a man and a woman."

I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7 In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination? Oh, sorry. IS there degrees ..

7. Lev.21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

In Jesus name,
Consolidated Dumbasses of America

[andyfox]

Mr. Smith and his wife go on a cruise. Somehow, she ends up overboard and they can't locate the body. There's an investigation, but no arrests.

A month later, the husband gets a call from the coroner's office. "Mr. Smith," the coroner says, "We've found your wife."

"Yes?" he replies

"She was at the bottom of the ocean."

"Yes?"

"She was naked."

"Yes?"

"In her snatch, was an oyster."

"Yes?"

"In the oyster was a pearl."

"Yes?"

"The pearl is worth $250,000."

Silence.

"Mr. Smith? Are you still there."

"Yes," says Mr. Smith.

"Well, what do you want us to do about this?"

There's a long pause. Finally, Mr. Smith responds:

"Here's what I want you do do. Go get my wife."

"Yes," says the coroner."

"Get the oyster out from her snatch."

"Yes."

"Get the pearl out from the oyster."

"Yes."

"Find the guy who appraised it at $250,000."

"Yes."

"Sell it to him."

"Yes."

"Keep $50,000 for your trouble, and bring me two hundred G's."

"Yes."


"And then take my wife. . . and re-set the trap."

[DonWaade]

You need to send Andy $10. That was hilaious!!

[stabn]

I almost feel like i owe you a dollar just for reading that /images/graemlins/smile.gif.

Luckily, i'm not the one who made the offer...

[kerssens]

It was funny but I didn't laugh.

[Alobar]

blah, I could guaruntee to make you laugh (id even send YOU a dollar if you didnt), but I dont have any web space to upload the file to /images/graemlins/frown.gif

[kerssens]

Your avatar and location are amusing.

[ThaSaltCracka]

Kerssens likes fart jokes.

[kerssens]

Talking isht about a certain inept bastard is a pretty easy way to make me laugh.

[ThaSaltCracka]

[ QUOTE ]
Talking isht about a certain inept bastard is a pretty easy way to make me laugh.

[/ QUOTE ]yeah, I agree, you really do suck at poker.

[kerssens]

[ QUOTE ]
yeah, I agree, you really do suck at poker.

[/ QUOTE ]

That made me laugh out of anger.. /images/graemlins/mad.gif

[ThaSaltCracka]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
yeah, I agree, you really do suck at poker.

[/ QUOTE ]

That made me laugh out of anger.. /images/graemlins/mad.gif

[/ QUOTE ]
Pay me my dollar /images/graemlins/mad.gif NOW!!!

[Boris]

F U. Make me laugh. Please. Are we on a date? Are you cute? Am I looking for a little stink finger? Hell no buddy. I'm not gonna make you laugh.

[ThaSaltCracka]

[ QUOTE ]
F U. Make me laugh. Please. Are we on a date? Are you cute? Am I looking for a little stink finger? Hell no buddy. I'm not gonna make you laugh.

[/ QUOTE ]If he was cute, would you try to make him laugh?

[TimM]

This just might be stupid enough to work:

http://www.frenzy.com/~jester/racecar.html

[cnfuzzd]

who needs to laugh? At least you were born with a face you insensitive prick.....


hope that worked.

peace

john nickle

[Alobar]

ROFL!!! man I Cant help it, im laughing my ass off

someone give me some webspace, ive got an even better one damnit!

edited to reflect the fact I am still laughing my ass of and have tears in my eyes, I dunno why that [censored] is so funny....between that and the potter song im finished as a human being, heh.

[kerssens]

LOL.

[Alobar]

http://members.cox.net/dan1378/ball_hit_kid.mpeg

[cnfuzzd]

you can transfer my dollar through empire. That would be fine. Just fine. Or party. pm me for my screenname.


peace

john nickle

[thirddan]

I hate you /images/graemlins/smile.gif