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tek
12-09-2004, 01:34 PM
Life lessons from watching porn:

01. Women wear high heels to bed

02. Men are never impotent

03. When going down on a women 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.

04. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.

05. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.

06. Women enjoy having sex with ugly middle-aged men.

07. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blow job.

08. Women always orgasm when men do.

09. A blow job will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.

10. All women are noisy fjcks.

11. People in the 1970's couldn't fjck unless there was a wild guitar solo.

12. Those tits are real.

13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.

14. Men always groan 'OH YEAH' when they cum.

15. If there is two of them they 'high five' each other ( and the girl isn't disgusted! )

16. Double penetration makes women smile.

17. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of [censored] out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriends mouth.

18. There's a plot.

19. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite her by giving her a gentle slap on the ass.

20. Nurses suck patients cocks.

21. Men always pull out.

22. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before [censored] both of you.

23. Women never have headaches.

24. When a women is sucking a man's cock, it is important for him to remind her to 'suck it'.

25. Assholes are clean.

26. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.

27. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's pants and find a cock there.

28. Men don't have to beg.

29. When standing during a blow job, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.

30. Pigtails = handlebars.

31. All women are bisexual.

oddjob
12-09-2004, 01:38 PM
every guy has a gigantic tool,
1 in 50 women do as well.

YourFoxyGrandma
12-09-2004, 01:50 PM
Deja vu.

BeerMoney
12-09-2004, 02:19 PM
ATM doesn't stand for Automatic Teller Machine, it stands for Ass To Mouth.

jakethebake
12-09-2004, 02:53 PM
Any woman/women found in the following situations will immediately rip their clothes off and throw themselves at you, if there's no one else around:
- Hitchhikers
- Working late in an office
- Parking attendants
- Scout troops mothers in uniform when no scouts are around
- Policewomen
- Firewomen
- Housewives
- Pretty much any woman that has a good body

Rick Diesel
12-09-2004, 03:28 PM
All women love a finger in their ass while having sex.

Rick Diesel
12-09-2004, 03:38 PM
Saying things like "Yeah, take it all b*tch!" is encouraged.

Alobar
12-09-2004, 04:13 PM
number 19 is actually true

BeerMoney
12-09-2004, 04:16 PM
[ QUOTE ]

09. A blow job will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.



[/ QUOTE ]

Well, if you were the cop?

jakethebake
12-09-2004, 04:25 PM
[ QUOTE ]
number 19 is actually true

[/ QUOTE ]
I thought they all were... /images/graemlins/confused.gif

bosoxfan
12-09-2004, 04:58 PM
copycat (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=&Number=1243405&page=&view=&s b=5&o=)

tek
12-09-2004, 05:02 PM
[ QUOTE ]
number 19 is actually true

[/ QUOTE ]

So is 3, 13 (I do it on the forehead), 20 (sometimes /images/graemlins/laugh.gif ) and 29 (although using both hands is better).

Clarkmeister
12-09-2004, 05:03 PM
[ QUOTE ]
copycat (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showthreaded.php?Cat=&Number=1243405&page=&view=&s b=5&o=)

[/ QUOTE ]

duh. I don't think anyone figured he sat around creating his own list from scratch.

tek
12-09-2004, 05:13 PM
I didn't see that other post. I got the list in an email. I guess I should have done a search before I posted it. Ya sure...

jakethebake
12-09-2004, 05:27 PM
Noooooooo means yesssssssss.

bosoxfan
12-09-2004, 05:35 PM
/images/graemlins/blush.gif It was meant as a joke. i knew it was an e-mail because i got it too. I guess I should have put a /images/graemlins/grin.gif.

sorry /images/graemlins/frown.gif

Utah
12-09-2004, 07:53 PM
It is just sad that the guy kids today dont learn this. What has happened to our society?

slickpoppa
12-09-2004, 08:17 PM
- never wear a condom
- never kiss a woman when you are f*cking her
- women like being referred to as slut or bitch when being [censored]
- single women regularly f*ck repairment and delivery boys

mmcd
12-09-2004, 09:16 PM
single women regularly f*ck repairment and delivery boys

Married ones too.

Cyrus
12-10-2004, 05:24 AM
- Always ask for proof (money shot).

- Nothing is free in life (you gotta go down if you want her later to go down).

- Sex is fun (all those smiling people!)

- Sex is boring (all those morose people!)

- Family names mean nothing (all those actors' names!)

- Walk slowly anywhere you go. What's your rush?

- Words are a trivial nuisance; action is everything.

- There are no virgins.

...I could go on.

jdl22
12-10-2004, 06:55 AM
[ QUOTE ]
30. Pigtails = handlebars.

[/ QUOTE ]

Is this really a porn lesson? You see plenty of hair pulling but I don't recall seeing one pigtail in each hand being pulled. Sure, she's being ridden like a bicycle but I don't recall that.

Rushmore
12-10-2004, 10:45 AM
It's inane to censor one particular word, then leave the rest of the content to include:

splat them in the face with sperm.
giving a blow job
take his half erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.
Double penetration
shove your cock in his girlfriends mouth
Nurses suck patients cocks.
Assholes are clean

etc.

Doesn't this just seem too stupid to you?

P.S. I am not offended by words, personally. I suppose I am offended by...inconsistency?