My Parents Still Don't Know...

[ILikeApples]

It's been almost 2 years since I have gone "pro" and my parents still don't know. All my friends and siblings know and I trust them to not spill the beans until I give the sign. The problem is, my parents (like most parents) are old-fashioned. They think that the only way to make a living is to get a job. I am afraid that if I tell them, they will both simultaneously have a heart attack. Any tips on how to deal with this dilemma?

[ThaSaltCracka]

I assume you are successful? Success speaks louder than words sometimes.

[ILikeApples]

Yes, I am successful. So much so that I quit a good well paying job as an engineer to devote to poker full time. Actually, not full time, because I spend a lot of traveling instead of "working". But still, I am making so much money at poker that I am embarrassed to tell anyone how much I actually make. And don't ask. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[Synth]

I'm no pro but I as well have parents that want me to find my self a job and not pursue poker as a career. They love it that I have won and continue to win money for the short time i've been playing the game (two years). They don't however believe it to be the best way to make a living for myself. The only way I feel I could one day show them that the game is infact good enough to make a living off is when/if I become a pro poker player that has a sufficient bankroll to justify not having to have worked for several hours in an office.

From what you have told us, you're one of the fortunate to have reched the level/skill taken to be a pro poker player, and if you have made enough money to show your parents that you're infact making a living for yourself playing a game that you love I don't see them getting upset. You have a long future ahead of you and alot of cash to be won, and if you can only show your parents that your skill is above so many others and show them the success you've been having, i'm sure they'll be proud.

Hope this helped and good luck /images/graemlins/smile.gif.

[PoBoy321]

Buy your parents a really nice, really expensive christmas gift. When they ask how you can afford it, tell them you won it all playing poker. It's hard to look a gift horse in the mouth like that.

[ThaSaltCracka]

the key I would think is showing your parents that what you are doing is stable and safe(financially). If you can do that, coupled with the amount of money you are apparently making, that would seem to look good enough for the 'rents.

[onegymrat]

Hi Appleliker,

You can't tell them...ever. It seems like they're from the same generation as my parents, where risk-taking is probably frown upon. It is nearly impossible to ever convince them that this is a good idea, it doesn't really matter whether you're struggling or making a killing. I strongly feel that telling them the truth at this point will make all of your lives very difficult. Which in turn may psychologically affect your game, assuming that they will be as upset as you pointed out.

As long as you continue to do this, I think you should keep things the way they are. One thing you can do is be disciplined and responsible with your play as well as your finances. I'm sure they are proud that they raised you well. Since you are keeping a huge secret from them, at least give them the respect and be responsible with everything else in your life.

Good luck with your career.

[ThaSaltCracka]

I hear what you are saying, but I just want to say I completely disagree with you.

[PoBoy321]

Maybe I'm a little old school, but I don't really think that you should ever keep anything from your parents forever. Maybe if you killed someone, but that's about it. If you're going to play poker for a living, your parents have a right to know about it. If they love you and care about you, they'll support you in what you're trying to do, even if they don't agree with what you're doing, and even if it takes them a while to understand that what you're doing is no different than if you were to become any type of freelance professional. Hopefully you have something to fall back on if poker playing ever goes sour for you, which would definitely make your parents feel more comfortable, but I really disagree with keeping it a secret from your parents forever.

[bernie]

[ QUOTE ]
So much so that I quit a good well paying job as an engineer to devote to poker full time. Actually, not full time, because I spend a lot of traveling instead of "working". But still, I am making so much money at poker that I am embarrassed to tell anyone how much I actually make.

[/ QUOTE ]

If this is true, and you have it documented somewhat, what are you waiting for? If your making soooo much at it, who cares who knows. Time to grow up a bit.

b

[Russ McGinley]

I decided not to tell my Dad that I earn extra money from poker when he made a comment during a broadcast of PTI on ESPN. He asked me why I would watch a show that is just "two heads yelling at each other", and then also said "I'm also tired of all these poker shows and gambling and all that nonsense. It's so stupid." I just kinda nodded and said "Yeah." I was actually considering telling him about my AC and Vegas trips and then I was going to bring up the poker. Guess I won't be doing that.

[turnipmonster]

I think that some point in your life you have to stop worrying about upsetting your parents and just be honest about who you are. I did lots of things that caused my parents to freak out and eventually they just got over it and accepted it, and I ended up fine.

please don't take this the wrong way, but you're an adult and obviously can take care of yourself and make your own decisions, so I would say that you should just be honest with your folks. they'll be upset for a while, big deal. they'll get over it.

--turnipmonster

[The Dude]

I think your parents will probably be more hurt that you've lied to them for 2 years about what you do than they will be by what it is that you do.

[B Dids]

FWIW, there's a lot of people on this site who make a lot of money player poker. There's no need to act coy about your results, we've seen it all before. Frankly- sharing how you're actually doing goes a lot to helping folks answer your questions.

[sfer]

You: Mom, Dad, I have to tell you something. I've been living a lie for 2 years. I'm gay.

Them: <GASP!>

You: Just kidding. Oh, and I play poker for a living. Late.

[nolanfan34]

[ QUOTE ]
You: Mom, Dad, I have to tell you something. I've been living a lie for 2 years. I'm gay.

Them: <GASP!>

You: Just kidding. Oh, and I play poker for a living. Late.

[/ QUOTE ]

Classic. I'd love for someone to try this and report back.

[TylerD]

You should definately do this, apples.

[B00T]

before I opened this thread, I thought thats what it was going to say.

[Blarg]

Most people by far take their money and blow it. If you're that type, and statistically speaking alone, you're more likely to be than not, I would seriously consider whether telling your parents is the right thing to do at precisely this moment.

I'd think of parents in the situation you're in as sort of like the loan officer at a bank when you're trying to get a home loan. Present income may seem spectacular to you, better than your friends who get easy approval, but there's no way in hell that's enough. These are your PARENTS we're talking about. Their young punk kid thinking he knows it all because he's flashing some cash for a while probably means little to them, and it shouldn't mean much to them either. They've probably been through a lot more of life than you and know how life can jump you with bad luck.

For those times, you need security, not just present income potential.

What's your bank account like? Has that changed much from when you started playing poker? What are your plans to make it grow?

Do you have much outstanding debt?

Do you have an IRA? Are your taxes taken care of right? Do you have any investments? If not now, when?

Do you have health insurance?

Kids think about the present, and stupid kids think about nothing else. Parents think about your future. If you're going to honor their concern about you and love for you, you have to show them that you're not just a guy who's hoping on hitting the lottery until his luck turns. You have to show them you're an adult who has taken an adult outlook on his life and made mature decisions about his future.

This means you will probably have to be WELL ahead of all your friends in these matters. Most people do not have a well-planned future, a savings or investment plan, minimal debt, and an IRA, etc. But even if they're making much less money than you are, your parents will probably look at them as being far more responsible because at least they have a relatively dependable income and are doing things in a societally acceptable way. To have any chance to break your parents out of thinking of you as hopelessly behind even when you think you're ahead, you'll probably have to actually really establish a much more thoughtful life than you might think is required of a person to respect himself or get the respect of others. If you're farting along and expect your parents to be impressed by that, you're probably out of luck.

You're self-employed now, and have to run your life the way a good business is run, and have the records and growth plans to show you're serious. If it were my son, I'd think he was probably a screwball who sooner or later would be asking to move back into the house and borrow lots of money, and then probably blow it all again like a degenerate, until he proved to me he was just as responsible as someone trying a real career. I'd think he was a pathetic dreamer dancing on clouds and due for a hard life and the bringing of a lot of future grief into the family. If I was the father, I'd be fearful of the grief he was going to subject his mother, my poor wife, to, as his life fell apart. I'd love him just the same, but probably be very sad for him.

The only way you're going to get around those very realistic and expectable feelings is to show the most concrete evidence possible that those feelings are mistaken. That's not going to come from pride or assertions that you're a grown-up and can do what you want no matter what anybody says. It's going to come from a bank statement and record of deposits and withdrawals, from a written budget, from tax records, from investment/IRA records, from insurance policies. The rest is all just dreaming and promises, exactly what you'd expect to hear from any fool or degenerate addict. The rest just sounds like the prelude to begging for a loan and a very sad life that diminishes or destroys you right at the height of your powers, when you could be building a future for yourself and eventually a family of your own.

[fluff]

Very very good response. 100% agree.

[M.B.E.]

Have a look at this thread (http://archiveserver.twoplustwo.com/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=467974&page=&view=&sb=5&o =&fpart=all&vc=1) in the archives.

[mmcd]

Pay off their mortgage for a Christmas present.

That would be a good way to bring up the subject. /images/graemlins/wink.gif

[Bluffoon]

I would not approve of my son becoming a professional poker player. I think poker is a great avocation but a terrible profession.

No benefits no security and no guarantee of a future. You think you are doing great and you think it is going to go on forever. If there is one thing I have learned in life is that nothing is guaranteed. Day traders thought they were invincible. They made a killing for a few years. A few got rich and are now successful investors. Most went broke. Balance in life is key.

Don't give up poker but get an education, build your resume and a professional network and play poker on the side. You will look back on this as the best decision you ever made.

Don't put all your eggs in one basket. its -EV

[Masquerade]

Say you've got something very important to tell them, then announce you're gay. When you admit you were just kidding and in fact you're a pro poker player they'll be so relieved that they wont care.

[vegasbob]

I am in the process of quiting my "day" job and told my parents of my plans. I was very lucky and they were supportive of me. It is something that is very hard though. I also told them this is a temp. thing and that I have plans to go back to work in 6 months. I sure hope I dont have to. Thanks to all the posters on here for the get advice. I have been learking around for a while and just started posting.

[chezlaw]

[ QUOTE ]
It's been almost 2 years since I have gone "pro" and my parents still don't know. All my friends and siblings know and I trust them to not spill the beans until I give the sign. The problem is, my parents (like most parents) are old-fashioned. They think that the only way to make a living is to get a job. I am afraid that if I tell them, they will both simultaneously have a heart attack. Any tips on how to deal with this dilemma?

[/ QUOTE ]

Have more faith in you parents - just tell them they will cope.

[Boris]

What if the parents have heart attacks and die?

[Cat]

Ok, I know this is an old thread but am just going through looking at some i havent seen so heres my 2 cents...

First of all there's a good/ funny article by Daniel Negreanu about telling his mother (prob on his site).

Secondly, not all parents are the same. My dad taught me to play poker when i was five and always encouraged me when things werent going well. He's absolutely stoked about my 'job'. My mother was a lot harder to crack, but as someone else said, success is a great persuader. When i told her about the five star hotel i was flying to for New Year (and other things) she came round.

If all else fails try the career equivalent of this trick (happened when I was younger, by phone):

Me: You know, a tattoo on the forehead doesnt look nearly as bad as it sounds
Parents: Whaaaaaaaaa??????
Me: Just kidding, it's only on my arm
Parents: Oh thank God

/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[cardcounter0]

I stopped worrying about what my parents thought about how I lived my life over 20 years ago when I moved out of their house at 18.

Of course, if they need a loan or something to help make ends meet now, I am glad to lend a hand.