I suck with girls

[Gamblor]

I bumped into an old girlfriend the other night at a bar, haven't seen her since we broke up. Basically we broke up cause throughout a year long distance (2 hr drive)relationship, she came to visit a dozen times, I went to visit exactly twice. I called her maybe once every 3-4 days and took more than a day to return calls. I liked her a lot, I really did, but I was really busy.

After the breakup there was a brief flirtation with friendship, but I told her I wasn't interested in a friend.

I'm at the bar, I've had a couple. I'm very boyish-looking, often mistaken for 19 or 20, I'm actually 24. I'm feeling good, I'm lookin good, I got a day or two of shag carpet on my face. Got khakis, black shoes, a white long sleeve t-shirt and a blue Varsity t-shirt on top, Messy but clean hair. Very Brad Pitt.

So I see her hanging out with an old friend of mine (she's now dating his best friend). She's across the table from him, didn't look like they were particularly close, I didn't notice her until she called out my name. I smiled "hi" and turned around to sit with my friends who conveniently were one table over.

I get a tap on the shoulder. It's her. She looks fantastic. Wow. She leans in for the usual cheek-kiss and light hug.

"How's work?"

"Great. You're almost done school... You're going to miss it eh?"

"Yeah I'll miss it so much"

She's really nervous. Playing with her hair, she's got that killer smile that (when I actually was with her) knocked my fuckin socks off.

"But you're going to med school" (her dream was to be a pediatrician)

"No, actually dental school"

"why?"

"I was too scared to write my MCAT"

"Oh, it's okay, you'll hang out with all the med school rejects"

A brief moment.

She goes "Well nice to see you"

"Yeah!"

We left 5 minutes later. I didn't think much at the time, but now I'm thinking about her.

What's my move?

[Clarkmeister]

Be sure to vote Brad Pitt in the other thread. /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[ThaSaltCracka]

did you call her a med school reject?

[Gamblor]

I don't take love advice from anyone with a "-meister" in his name. /images/graemlins/cool.gif

[Gamblor]

I said "you can hang out with all the med school rejects"

[ThaSaltCracka]

sort of implying she was a reject? I dunno man, maybe you should oplogize for that and try to go from there. If you like her, just [censored] tell her.

[tolbiny]

what would i do? I would stop drinking at bars and start drinking alone at home. But then i also suck with girls.

If i planned it out, i would "run" into her again, but would not call her directly.
I might also "run" into the guy she is now dating, but that would depend upon how good my car insurance was.

[SlyAK]

You need to go for it. Personally I think you should just call her and be direct and tell her you want to get back together. If she is very nervous like you said, I would take that as a sign that she really likes you.

Sly

PS. Your med school reject comment wasnt too smooth.... but I don't think that should matter I am sure she won't hold it against you.

[Gamblor]

I wasn't looking for a laugh.

I am generally a jackass. I bust on girls a lot. I make fun of them and they love it. But with an ex who I'm sure was dealing with a lot of emotion, let alone the amount of courage she had to muster just to come over and talk to me, it might have been tough for her.

[Dantes]

A bigotted republican jew has a hard time with women? Who woulda thunk it?

[SlyAK]

[ QUOTE ]
I am generally a jackass. I bust on girls a lot. I make fun of them and they love it. But with an ex who I'm sure was dealing with a lot of emotion, let alone the amount of courage she had to muster just to come over and talk to me, it might have been tough for her.

[/ QUOTE ]

Picking the times to make fun of them is very important here, (similar to hand-reading in poker). I agree that acting like a jackass and joking around a lot usually works pretty well in the right situations.

An important side note though: Do you know anything about her current bf? How long have they been going out, is it serious, etc....? Is he likely to kill you if you try to get back together with her? (joking on the last one... well sort of...)

Sly

[Gamblor]

I'm certainly no republican.

I don't hate anyone, frankly. I think the Arabs have serious growing up to do. Their whole world is shaped by their government's manhandling of all information that gets into their heads.

You got a problem with Jews buddy?

[lapoker17]

Your recollection of the meeting is great. Those types of situations either leave us with amnesia, or we remember every word, every look, every "playing with the hair".

I had the same type of meeting with my favorite ex a year or so ago. I called her a few days later, and then she called me a few days after that, and so it started again. We didn't talk about "us" or what we wanted, or any of that for a month or so. It just came.

Of course after a year together, she decided I partied and gambled to much and started banging her tennis instructor, but you don't need to worry about all that just yet.

[GuyOnTilt]

Hey Gamblor,

A couple thoughts:

You said she looked fantastic, but you forgot to tell her how fantastic she looked. It's good to get in the habit of complimenting girls. Not like telling them you love their outfit or hair or whatever every time you see them, 'cause then it just loses its meaning, but they really do appreciate and remember it and are flattered when you drop a word or two in about how they look. Just make sure it's genuine and make an effort to make them realize it's genuine. I was out last night with a girl who was wearing a sweater that make her look sooooo sexy. She's always a cutie, but she looked incredible last night and I made sure I told her so more than once. Let her know you notice.

You make it sound like she was trying to give you subtle signals of attraction or flirtation or whatever. If she's putting that out there and you're even remotely interested, you should take some sort of initiative. Lead her over to an empty booth and order some drinks while you catch up. Take her hand and go outside for some fresh air. Maybe things will go great and you'll both find/re-find something you really like in each other. Maybe not. But if you're interested you should take the little time and effort to find out.

GoT

[Alobar]

What's your move? Like do you want to just bang her one more time, or actually date her again?

If shes actually dating someone alot is going to depends on what type of girl she is.

Tho it sounds like you pretty much were an ass to her, so it probably wouldn't be hard to pull off either one, as chicks seem to prefer arseholes.

editors note: I'm not calling you an [censored], just saying most girls would percieve your actions towards her as disinterested/assholy

[Popinjay]

bòdbít

[daveymck]

Without us seeing the body language its hard to intepret, it could be her just seeing someone from the past thinking she would say hi so not to appear ignorant or it could be somthing more.

However I suspect if it is that you did like her a lot and seeing her has sparked those feelings and (intermittent) happy times you had with her, when we get like that we tend to put a positive spin on anything, any little look any little laugh, a way somthing is said, thinking that they want to be with us etc etc.

If you really like her then give it a go try and get in touch and test the water, as long as the friend of the friend isnt to close a friend. The worst she can say is no I'm not interested thats better than just wondering or missing an opportunity.

My ex of five years still hangs round with my sister at times, she is married now and I am with someone and have a child but the meeting between us are always nervous but both of us would make the effort to speak and be courteos and catch up however and certainly on my side I would not entertain getting back with her (although 6 months after we broke up and she wanted to get back with me I did say I would sleep with her one last time, which went down well as you can imagine). SO it coould have been a meeting like this or it could be she still has a soft spot for you either way the answer is with her rather than in the collective wisdom of us here, if you like her go for it.

[Senor Choppy]

[ QUOTE ]
I dunno man, maybe you should oplogize for that and try to go from there. If you like her, just [censored] tell her.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is the worst advice I've ever read.

[Blarg]

Nobody here really knows what's best because nobody was there or really knows all the hidden stuff going on between you guys. You weren't very clear on what you wanted, either, so who knows what's best for you to do?

That med-school rejects line was a real howler though. I hope you didn't hurt her feelings too badly. You kind of gave her a "Your New Whole Life as a Loser" summation there. Hopefully she doesn't think that you did it on purpose just to be cruel.

Sounds like you both still like each other a bit, if you are even caring a about a next move to make. Sounds like you don't see her often, either. If you want to get back with her -- do you want to do it in a low pressure way that doesn't come on too strong right away or look too determined? or be direct?

Does she regularly go to certain places you can coincidentally show up at? Or is there any special event or something coming up that she might be at without a date, or even some place she typically goes out to eat lunch or breakfast? Lunch and breakfast are great low pressure ways to start talking to most anybody. Does she have classes in a particular area you can bum around through here and there?

If none of those casual moves are going to work out, since you don't see her much -- looks like you'll have to pick up the phone and just be direct.

If that's what you really want.

Better decide soon though, while she's still in the mood to talk to and old boyfriend instead of getting in tighter with a new one.

[B00T]

[ QUOTE ]
I am generally a jackass. I bust on girls a lot. I make fun of them and they love it. But with an ex who I'm sure was dealing with a lot of emotion, let alone the amount of courage she had to muster just to come over and talk to me, it might have been tough for her.

[/ QUOTE ]

[ QUOTE ]
Picking the times to make fun of them is very important here, (similar to hand-reading in poker). I agree that acting like a jackass and joking around a lot usually works pretty well in the right situations.

[/ QUOTE ]


You guys cannot be serious...You think someone actually likes being made fun of directly to their face, playful or not? If you think that belittling other people scores you points you have some growing up to do. Hell, if you are going to make fun of someone to show your great sense of humor at least be smart enough to make fun of someone else so you are trying to get someone to laugh at something besides their own expense.

I wish she broke her bottle or glass over your thick head.

[Dilbert]

Didn't have time to read your post, but I just wanted to say that I like to suck girls too. /images/graemlins/wink.gif

[turnipmonster]

[ QUOTE ]

A brief moment.


[/ QUOTE ]

that moment sounds really awkward. the reject thing was funny, but maybe not so well timed. bonus points for including the "eh?".

--turnipmonster

[ThaSaltCracka]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I dunno man, maybe you should oplogize for that and try to go from there. If you like her, just [censored] tell her.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is the worst advice I've ever read.

[/ QUOTE ]
why?

[NJchick]

Do you now miss her because she looked hot? Or do you miss her company as a whole. Big difference. If you treated her like an ASS and she does go back to you then she's a bigger fool. Just my 2 cents for being a girl.

NJC

[Porcupine]

I agree with some of the other responses. I didn't care for the timing of the "med school rejects" - right after she said she didn't go to med school b/c she was scared to write her MCAT. Also, maybe it was just the way I read it, or coincidence, but things seemed to take a sharp turn for the worse at that point. Of course I overanalyze girl stuff, and I doubt it changed anything.

I'd give her a call - maybe lunch or something casual to get a better feel for what (if anything) is possible.

[nolanfan34]

I think your move now is easy. If you want to see her for the sake of seeing if you want to possibly get back together, give her a call and see if she wants to have lunch sometime. Tell her that it was good to see her at the bar, and you'd like the chance to catch up a little at a place where it isn't loud/smokey, etc.

Doing this shows her that not only have you been thinking about her since you saw her, but that you care to talk with her at a place where you'll have to have an actual conversation, instead of yelling over the noise of a bar - shows your interest in her.

And FWIW, your "sucking" with girls could certainly be related to your comments, joking or not, around them. Cutting them down might actually attract them to you at first, because you're showing interest in them, but after a while I'd bet that gets old really fast, when they realize you're not just being flirtatous, but make comments like that all the time. Who wants to be put down constantly, joking or not?

[BeerMoney]

[ QUOTE ]
alot

[/ QUOTE ]

a lot.. Do I get to pick your avatar, or is that over with?

[Clarkmeister]

I did sleep at a Holiday Inn Express last night, so my read is this. Gamblor, by his own admission, sucks with women. Therefore he gets rejected a lot. This hurts, so he compensates for the frequent rejection by being an ass around them and by "busting" on them. So to himself, he feels like the rejector instead of the rejectee, which is a much easier way to deal with the situation ("Hey, I'm not with any of these chicks because *I* acted bad to *them*). They, of course, don't appreciate that kind of treatment, so the spiral continues, born out of his own insecurity.

Where's Dr. Al when you need him? /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[ThaSaltCracka]

quite possibly your most insightful post Clarkmeister.

[BusterStacks]

When you leave, walk over, slap her on the ass and say "Ok, are you ready to go?". Seriously this works.

[Gamblor]

Does she regularly go to certain places you can coincidentally show up at? Or is there any special event or something coming up that she might be at without a date, or even some place she typically goes out to eat lunch or breakfast? Lunch and breakfast are great low pressure ways to start talking to most anybody. Does she have classes in a particular area you can bum around through here and there?

I haven't seen her in two years so no, we don't ever coincidentally meet. She goes to school out of town.

I always take a first date for lunch. Always. You're very good there.

No, I'm not going to stalk her.

[Gamblor]

Do you now miss her because she looked hot? Or do you miss her company as a whole. Big difference. If you treated her like an ASS and she does go back to you then she's a bigger fool. Just my 2 cents for being a girl.

I miss her company for sure.

I would say I pulled some big ass moves at times. But I was also really good to her at times, and she knew I liked her.

[Gamblor]

I did sleep at a Holiday Inn Express last night, so my read is this.

Classic.

Gamblor, by his own admission, sucks with women. Therefore he gets rejected a lot.

No. I rarely get rejected. I generally don't talk alot, so one of two things happens.

EDIT: 1) Either a girl sees that as confidence and falls in love with me, in which case I get bored extremely fast (gorgeous or otherwise). These girls generally hear those comments, go "you're so mean!" and then they're smiling from ear-to-ear for the next 4 hours. Like this girl from El Salvador from last week. We were out for a cup of coffee and I said she reminded me of those kids on the Christian Children's Fund Commercials and that I'm so happy that I'm doing my part for charity by donating "the price of a cup of coffee". She loved it.

2) I like the girl but I'm a retard around her. Like silent. It's these girls I suck with. My comments go from funny to just pitiful.

In this case, I haven't decided if it's that these chicks don't get my humour, or that Clark is right, it's an absolute defense mechanism. But the quality of humour definitely goes down. It almost seems forced, as if I'm trying too hard to be as funny with the second group as I am with the first.

[BusterStacks]

[ QUOTE ]
I did sleep at a Holiday Inn Express last night, so my read is this.

Classic.

Gamblor, by his own admission, sucks with women. Therefore he gets rejected a lot.

No. I rarely get rejected. I generally don't talk alot, so one of two things happens. Either a girl sees that as confidence and falls in love with me, in which case I get bored extremely fast...

[/ QUOTE ]

Dude you're giving away the secret!

[Gamblor]

No awkwardness.

Just a smile.

I have one of those perpetual half-smiles anyway.

I used to be self-conscious about it, like one of those dorks who always has that "Punch me in the face" shit-eating grin. Then the 300th girl told me I have a great smile so now I'm just obnoxious about it.

[Alobar]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
alot

[/ QUOTE ]

a lot.. Do I get to pick your avatar, or is that over with?

[/ QUOTE ]

damn /images/graemlins/frown.gif Send me a an avatar and location you want me to use, and when I finally shed this one, I'll put up yours.

[wacki]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I dunno man, maybe you should oplogize for that and try to go from there. If you like her, just [censored] tell her.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is the worst advice I've ever read.

[/ QUOTE ]
why?

[/ QUOTE ]

I wouldn't take Senor Choppy's comment too seriously. A lot guys that try this technique tend to be very nervous and they end up looking desperate. Other guys end up going overboard and end up shocking her more than you end up moving her heart. It's not what you say, but how you say it.

One of my buddies uses the straightforward technique all of the time. He is very reserved, straightforward, and has a docile personality, but for some reason it seems like every girl that has ever met him desperately wants him. I seriously have spent many a night simply watching women hit on him. It really is interesting to watch, and at times it can be very annoying to deal with. (Your his buddy so they end up giving you the million question quiz) I have several other buddies that also use the straightforward technique and they get very good results as well.

It's seems to me the straightforward technique works best if the girl already closely knows and is attracted you, has previously experienced an abusive relationship that she does not want to experience again, suffering from depression, or values trust and honesty over romance.

If the girl values romance and cheap thrills over everything else, then unless you happened to have a body that she was obsesively infatuated with, I would wager that the straightforward technique would backfire and you would have to resort to mind games. Those relationships tend not to be very healthy anyway so unless you are going for hardcore sex or an ego massage, it may not be the best route to take.

[Aces McGee]

[ QUOTE ]
What's my move?

[/ QUOTE ]

Show it to her.

-McGee

[M2d]

you realize you're asking for dating advice from a bunch of internet/poker geeks, right?

fwiw, call her under the pretense of apologizing for possibly offending her with the comment you made. chit chat a little. ask her to lunch to catch up.

[J_V]

LOL. So true.

[SlyAK]

So, I take it every girl you've ever dated is an uptight bitch who can't take a joke?

Sly

PS. Although I agree that the original poster's timing was off on his remark.

[wacki]

How do you know that B00T is a guy at all? The intense response, inability to accept playfull jokes, and the "I wish she broke her bottle or glass over your thick head." comment sounds very similar to the defacto feminist uptight penis hating lesbian.

Just a thought.

PS. I also agree that the original poster's timing was off on his remark, but no where near worthy of a glassing.

[Ed Miller]

fwiw, call her under the pretense of apologizing for possibly offending her with the comment you made.

DON'T do this. The "rejects" comment was a little off-kilter, but it wasn't nasty. Let it go. Don't let her know you are still thinking about it, and don't remind her of it.

Last thing you want to do to rekindle a relationship is start apologizing already. It's a huge turn off. In fact, never open (or reopen) any relationship by apologizing, asking for help, or otherwise prostrating yourself.

If you are interested, just call her and say, "Hey, it was great seeing you the other night..." and go from there. Don't bring up any history or anything. If you are clicking on the phone, ask her out somewhere.

[ThaSaltCracka]

does NPA also stand for noted playa authority?

[nolanfan34]

[ QUOTE ]
If you are interested, just call her and say, "Hey, it was great seeing you the other night..." and go from there. Don't bring up any history or anything. If you are clicking on the phone, ask her out somewhere.

[/ QUOTE ]

See, that's what I was saying. Can I be the Noted Relationship Authority?

[MilkFish]

[ QUOTE ]
fwiw, call her under the pretense of apologizing for possibly offending her with the comment you made.

DON'T do this. The "rejects" comment was a little off-kilter, but it wasn't nasty. Let it go. Don't let her know you are still thinking about it, and don't remind her of it.

Last thing you want to do to rekindle a relationship is start apologizing already. It's a huge turn off. In fact, never open (or reopen) any relationship by apologizing, asking for help, or otherwise prostrating yourself.

If you are interested, just call her and say, "Hey, it was great seeing you the other night..." and go from there. Don't bring up any history or anything. If you are clicking on the phone, ask her out somewhere.

[/ QUOTE ]

i couldn't agree more. yes, it was tasteless but it wasn't hurtful. /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[SlyAK]

[ QUOTE ]

How do you know that B00T is a guy at all? The intense response, inability to accept playfull jokes, and the "I wish she broke her bottle or glass over your thick head." comment sounds very similar to the defacto feminist uptight penis hating lesbian.

Just a thought.


[/ QUOTE ]


It's so obvious to me now. Thanks for clearing this up.

/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Sly

[Ed Miller]

does NPA also stand for noted playa authority?

I got mad skills.

[Diplomat]

[ QUOTE ]

I'm very boyish-looking, often mistaken for 19 or 20, I'm actually 24.

[/ QUOTE ]

Naa, you look more like 17. Get that G-1 yet?

-Diplomat

[mikech]

[ QUOTE ]
How do you know that B00T is a guy at all? The intense response, inability to accept playfull jokes, and the "I wish she broke her bottle or glass over your thick head." comment sounds very similar to the defacto feminist uptight penis hating lesbian.

[/ QUOTE ]
Women can't do anything right with you, can they? If they give you a hug for fixing their toilet, they're skanky whores. But if they're too sensitive to certain remarks, then they're feminazi men-hating dykes? Okaaaay...

[nolanfan34]

[ QUOTE ]
does NPA also stand for noted playa authority?

I got mad skills.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is true. Remember that Sklansky said chicks dig guys that can do math. Imagine when they hear about multiple MIT degrees! Ladies of Las Vegas look out! /images/graemlins/blush.gif

[VBM]

Call her up for lunch. I'm with GoT, don't be shy about complimenting her and putting yourself out there; your angle is interested and sweet, but not creepy.

Be bold, bro and go get that! The hand's checked to you and you can't be shy about putting a bet out to see where are...

[wacki]

[ QUOTE ]
Women can't do anything right with you, can they? If they give you a hug for fixing their toilet, they're skanky whores. But if they're too sensitive to certain remarks, then they're feminazi men-hating dykes? Okaaaay...

[/ QUOTE ]

No, I know tons of women that are absolute angels. I have no problem randomly reminding these women how amazing they are by sending them flowers. (And no, that doesn't mean I am just trying to get in their panties.)

As for the "I wish she broke her bottle or glass over your thick head" you have to admit that is kind of harsh. That comment about the lesbian was half joke and half serious. I know several angry lesbians that react in that very same manner. One of them I am even friends with and I tease her about it all the time. I call her a penis hater to her face. It's not that big of a deal. Somehow, don't ask me why, but she thinks it's funny when I call her that. She really is one of the stereotypical feminists. So I think it's not only amazing, but a very good thing for her that I actually got her to lighten up a bit.

And the toilet girl, how many times do I have to say I was drunk and didn't finish that post... 5,6,7,8???? Read the rest of the thread for details about why I think that about her, even her own female friends say it to her face. She is a very nice and sweet girl, and I do like her, but that doesn't mean she's a not a ho. If you want me to rip on guys, my best friend from knee high is a super slut. Seriously, if it has boobs and pulse, he can't say no. It's literally that bad. He even ended up marrying a super hot woman, too bad it didn't last very long. Would you like to guess why? I love him to death, but he needs to learn some self control. If I called a couple of women ho's, big deal. That thread was about horny college girls, what else am I going to bring up? Besides, with the amount of damage I seen some of those women (and men) cause, trust me, I was being easy on them.


If someone starts a thread about amazing women, I have tons of stories. I know plenty of absolutely amazing women, women that are far better people than you or I could ever hope to be.

[bernie]

Seems like you were the dumpee in the last go 'round. It's never mutual.

Your move? If she wants to see you, she knows your number. Your comment? No big deal. Im sure you said it with a smile. One thing to remember about chicks, if they're attracted to you, they'll let alot of crap you say slide. It's amazing the double standard they hold on this one.

I'd try and find another chick. Getting under one may get you over this gal. There are other gals out there. Should you run into her again, ask her out if you want. If she says yes, you say in a week or so, cause you're busy. Basically, don't look like a mope who's just sitting around waiting for the wave to roll over them. You could look like you're a little too available at this point. A nice turn-off for gals.

The reason your soooo attracted is because it's conquered ground which makes it easier to go after her than find someone new. Been there, done that.

Bang one of her friends. She'll hear about how you are which will likely turn her on to you even more. Women are sick creatures this way.

b

[Reef]

"nice guys and players". check it out at amazon

[B00T]

oh jesus where to start with this mess...

#1 I'm not a girl

#2 I was about to respond to that stupid line used on the El Salvador line but I decided againist it for not getting involved in yet another stupid line that makes a girl "laugh".

#3 The point of THIS post...

I don't know what kind of girls you guys go after. I don't know if it appeals to little kids who are just immature or girls in boonieville that have no concept of society, morals, or self-esteem.

The kind of woman that is appealing to me is one that is independant, liberated, intelligent, and classy. Any girl that would sit and legitamitely laugh at such deragotry comments is far from classy. Granted some of you guys may be a bit younger where girls are just friggin stupid and do anything for attention even if it's at their own expense. If I could walk up to some girl and just totally bash her with funny comments and get my ego stroked thats a turn-off.

If you guys are just looking for a score with some ditz thats another story. From the OP who has to come to a poker forum and seek advice on how to handle a girl situation clearly shows he is diluted in his thinking, that he will get constructive responses here.

If you want a mindless girl with big boobs who will just laugh and not even realize that you have a tasteless sense of humor nor stand up for herself then you guys have met your dream girls over and over again.

I'm sorry I don't agree with you all because obviously I am the minority here. Meanwhile maybe if the OP didn't use such stupid comments he wouldn't be in the situation he is in.

Someone in this thread had to try and show Gamblor some sense. He wonders why things went the way he did...If you just want a piece of ass do whatever it takes by all means. If you are going to sit and sulk over being clueless and not knowing how to proceed in a situation that's your own problem. He appears to be oblivious in thinking his "humor" is a positive trait and possibly not a negative.

[sublime]

oplogize

i am glad things have not changed since my last visit

[Gamblor]

Seems like you were the dumpee in the last go 'round. It's never mutual.

I was. While I liked the girl, in my mind, I never had any plans ahead of the next time I saw her. I was in university and had no problem getting together with any other girls at the time. She was just out of town, that's all. She was the one always saying "I love you" and always making the arrangements to get together. I just kinda did my own thing and if I had no plans that weekend, then into town she came. And then she came in town (see? thats the humour I think they don't like).

Truthfully, I didn't go through any depression like I did with my first love when I got dumped when I was 9 years old. "She dumped me! Why? What did I do wrong?"

This was different somehow. She blamed herself a lot - like crying to me "I couldn't make you love me" and [censored]. I looked back objectively and began to realize she was right.

But it took a long time to convince her of that.

I'd try and find another chick.

Been there done that. I'm doing alright thank you. This was two years ago. I've been getting regular action since. (knock wood)

Bang one of her friends. She'll hear about how you are which will likely turn her on to you even more. Women are sick creatures this way.

Now that's a thought. But her friends hate me, I was always the bad guy who made her cry.

[nicky g]

Who is your avatar photo of?

[Gamblor]

Me, trashed on Molson Canadian, circa 2001.

[daveymck]

[ QUOTE ]
Me, trashed on Molson Canadian, circa 2001.

[/ QUOTE ]

Hmm so where is the Brad Pitt lookalike we were all envisaging when reading the initial post. /images/graemlins/wink.gif

[nicky g]

Cool. I assumed it was a Canadian hockey player or something.

[ThaSaltCracka]

[ QUOTE ]
oplogize

i am glad things have not changed since my last visit

[/ QUOTE ] /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[ThaSaltCracka]

[ QUOTE ]
Me, trashed on Molson Canadian, circa 2001.

[/ QUOTE ]I don't buy it, you don't look trashed at all.

[bugstud]

What, the [censored]-eating grin isn't enough? Canadians don't smile like that without a looooooooot of Molson /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[ThaSaltCracka]

naw, they smile a lot, how couldn't they? Every morning they wake up knowing that they get to freeload of the government and not pay for anything. Wouldn't you smile?

[Diplomat]

[ QUOTE ]
not pay for anything.

[/ QUOTE ]

Ohh, we pay bro. Believe me we do.

-Diplomat

[ThaSaltCracka]

do you guys.... wait... I have to stop myself from hijacking this thread... nevermind

[bernie]

[ QUOTE ]
Seems like you were the dumpee in the last go 'round. It's never mutual.

I was

[/ QUOTE ]

Was it sheer luck that i guessed this?

[ QUOTE ]
Truthfully, I didn't go through any depression like I did with my first love when I got dumped when I was 9 years old. "She dumped me! Why? What did I do wrong?"

[/ QUOTE ]

Maybe not, but being dumped when your 9 is a little different than when you get dumped when your ?, older.

[ QUOTE ]
She blamed herself a lot - like crying to me "I couldn't make you love me" and [censored]. I looked back objectively and began to realize she was right.

But it took a long time to convince her of that.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is kind of confusing. It took you a long time to convince her of what? That she couldn't make you love her? But then you realized later that this was true? hmmm. ok

If this was how she cried, i wouldn't go out with her. At least not for anything real meaningful. Sounds like a train wreck waiting to happen. Longterm, a chick shouldn't try to 'make' you do anything.

[ QUOTE ]
I'd try and find another chick.

Been there done that. I'm doing alright thank you. This was two years ago. I've been getting regular action since

[/ QUOTE ]

Then what's the problem? Maybe this is the best looking gal you ever had? Regardless of her mindset.

[ QUOTE ]
Bang one of her friends. She'll hear about how you are which will likely turn her on to you even more. Women are sick creatures this way.

Now that's a thought. But her friends hate me, I was always the bad guy who made her cry

[/ QUOTE ]

Not really something to wear as a badge if you were dating her and liked her. Sounds like you guys had a great foundation. You make her cry, her friends hate you because of this, she wanted to 'make' you love her. Fantastic. Which is fine if you're not planning on anything serious. Play the game hard. But if you're looking for the 'relationship' deal, this isn't what i'd be looking for. I envision way too much drama.

I wouldn't look for anything serious until you're at least 28. 'til then, bang away and have fun.

b

[Gamblor]

Now this is the kind of psychoanalysis I'm looking for.

Sheer luck

I doubt it.

This is kind of confusing. It took you a long time to convince her of what? That she couldn't make you love her? But then you realized later that this was true? hmmm. ok

If this was how she cried, i wouldn't go out with her. At least not for anything real meaningful. Sounds like a train wreck waiting to happen. Longterm, a chick shouldn't try to 'make' you do anything.

For some reason I think I need to defend myself from this one. More for holistic psychological reasons, I think.

This whole "couldn't make me love her" thing was her insecurity (IMO) about the whole thing.

The general theme the whole time was that she never really believed that I was interested in her. She always thought I was more interested in my friends, in my school, in whatever. I'd do the odd thing to show I cared, but it was more like I felt I had to than because I wanted to.

It was definitely her insecurity that made me lose a lot of attraction for her. The more and more I'd hear it, the less and less I wanted to do anything about it.

But I saw her again, and without all that insecurity and years removed from that history, she looked great. That's all.

Wow. Epiphany.

[Kenrick]

Some of you guys are really hurting my head on this. *In general*, women want confident guys who provide challenges for them. That's why you always see a cocky [censored] piece of [censored] with a hot chick on his arm. If for no other reason, she's on his arm because he took a chance and didn't care if he was rejected. Another reason that hot chick is hanging on some doofus' arm is simply because you're too chicken to have given her the opportunity to meet you yet. "Does she have a boyfriend?" Ugh. If she wouldn't care about him, why should you? If you don't think women think all's fair in love, you're dreaming. They are ruthless.

Unfortunately, usually the less respect you show women, the more respect they show you. Yeah, yeah, argue that statement all you want. It's still true, in general, although I wish it wasn't. The best is when you are confident enough (and charming enough) to have it all going. Like James Bond. "Hmmm, what would Sean Connery do?"

What to do now? The question is what do you want to do with her? Women love honesty, which is why they like "jerks" because "jerks" are honest about what they want. So if you want her, be honest and go get her. And if she's not having it, oh well, you tried and have no regrets. Call her up to hang out doing whatever. Don't do something lame like take her to a movie or dinner.

I'm not saying this about you, but a lot of guys would have less problems with their women if they'd first start by acting more like a man. Being a man doesn't mean being a jackass. It means being confident. You never apologize for your desires as a man.

Here's a quick test for the guys. You're in a mall or wherever with a beauty near you who catches you staring at her. Let's make it worse and say she caught you staring at her breasts or butt. She then snaps at you and says, "What are YOU looking at!?" If you would say something other than along the lines of, "You. I like looking at beautiful women," check your manhood.

signed,
A reformed "nice guy."

[bwana devil]

[ QUOTE ]
defacto feminist uptight penis hating lesbian

[/ QUOTE ]

Dude, it's defacto feminist uptight penis hating lesbian PEOPLE.



/images/graemlins/cool.gif /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[bernie]

[ QUOTE ]
This whole "couldn't make me love her" thing was her insecurity (IMO) about the whole thing.

[/ QUOTE ]

Most girls are. Many of the better looking women are the most insecure. It's when they nitpick everything that it really gets annoying. The only thing i would've blamed on you is putting up with it. So it's a matter of whether you'd put up with it again. The obvious answer is no, but would/could you really follow through? You know that answer much better than me.

[ QUOTE ]
But I saw her again, and without all that insecurity

[/ QUOTE ]

How can you tell if she's lost her insecurities based on the short conversation you had? You can't. You can't tell by how she looks, either. Not saying she hasn't grown up, but you won't know that this fast. Hopefully she has and has discovered the joys of casual sex!

If you do go for it, be aware of the signs should they show up.

Have a good one.

b

[Joe Tall]

Move on, dude. Unfortunately, you said exactly the wrong thing. There has been TWO things that have changed since you last talked to her. These two things are main-stream items in her life, you know like top-10 list $hit.

1. You
2. Not going to Med-school.

And you just crossed the streams and chicks don't forget that stuff, don't feel bad it happens. I've done it, we've all done it. Wait till your 30, it gets easier. Ok, here's the only shot you have as you must like this chick if you are asking this place for advice:

Wait 2 weeks then call her, call her on a Tuesday evening and just say, "It was nice seeing you a few weeks ago and I was wondering what you are doing Saturday afternoon, would you like to meet for coffee?"

Now, if she says 'yes', meet here somewhere studious-cafe, casual, like bookstore-cafe. Talk about every thing except-Med School, and talk alot, bury that shcool-reject feeling you gave her. It's your only shot.

Peace,
Joe Tall

[bernie]

[ QUOTE ]
Wait 2 weeks then call her, call her on a Tuesday evening and just say, "It was nice seeing you a few weeks ago and I was wondering what you are doing Saturday afternoon, would you like to meet for coffee?"

Now, if she says 'yes', meet here somewhere studious-cafe, casual, like bookstore-cafe. Talk about every thing except-Med School, and talk alot, bury that shcool-reject feeling you gave her. It's your only shot.


[/ QUOTE ]

I'd rather meet her at a bar somewhere. Better chance of banging her with the alcohol element. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

b

[Joe Tall]

Better chance of banging her with the alcohol element.

She won't be able to get away from the current boy and the distractions are too much. Gamblor has repair work to do.

Peace,
Joe Tall

[bernie]

Yep.

My answer to what am i looking at? A fine looking (whatever body part im looking at). Say it's her ass. Follow it with how it looks like she works hard on that part. If they get pissy, ya just laugh it off. No skin off my nose if they can't take a compliment. Which is a line i use if they do get pissy.

Swingers was a great flick. Highly recommended.

b

[bernie]

[ QUOTE ]
She won't be able to get away from the current boy and the distractions are too much

[/ QUOTE ]

If you call her and ask her out, it kind of implies that the other guy isn't invited, doesn't it?

[ QUOTE ]
Gamblor has repair work to do

[/ QUOTE ]

Not alot. A quick clarification that he was just joking with the line and that's done. 1st drink. How's/what's she been doing the last few months. 2nd drink. Avenues she's thinking of taking. Shots with maybe some physical contact and eyebrow raising. Wanna get out of here... yadda yadda yadda.

hehehehe

b

[Joe Tall]

it kind of implies that the other guy isn't invited, doesn't it?

No $hit, but her nights are likely booked; she can escape during a Saturday afternoon real easy. He's got to make it a cake walk.

A quick clarification that he was just joking with the line and that's done.

Women know that a lot of serious things are said in jest and that one hit deep. He's much better off being the person she liked in the past and not mentioning that line at all as if it was just a little joke.

Wait for the drinks on the rebound date, trust me here.

Peace,
Joe Tall

[Joe Tall]

Oh, one more thing, Gamblor, arrive early, make sure you get there first.

Peace,
Joe Tall

[bernie]

[ QUOTE ]
she can escape during a Saturday afternoon real easy. He's got to make it a cake walk

[/ QUOTE ]

During college football season!?! Surely, you jest.

b

[Lottery Larry]

"Oh, it's okay, you'll hang out with all the med school rejects"

A brief moment.

She goes "Well nice to see you"

I THINK YOU ARE TOAST. FIND SOMEONE ELSE

[astroglide]

confidence without the ego parts works fine

[Kenrick]

[ QUOTE ]
No $hit, but her nights are likely booked; she can escape during a Saturday afternoon real easy. He's got to make it a cake walk.


[/ QUOTE ]

If he's nearly certain her nights are booked, he's probably better off waiting until Saturday noon-ish to call her and see if she wants to hang out or get coffee or drinks or run errands or do whatever non-date-like cheap thing together. Women like guys who are spontaneous, and planning even a coffee meeting days in advance might seem like too much of a date-type thing.

He may be toast due to the med school comment, but maybe not because it's not a surprise she didn't say much else and left because nowhere in the posted conversation do I see Gamblor show any real interest in her. She *did* go up to him even after he somewhat snubbed her after the "hi," so she showed interest, but he never did. I bet she'd be pretty receptive if he called up and showed her he's interested. And while I'd say a straight-out apology for the comment would be very bad, smoothing that over by happening to mention med school again and being more careful and thoughtful with the comments would make her forget the other comment was ever said, if she even does remember it.