List of Replies to Table Coaches...

[Adde]

Here's a list of all contributions to the "One-Liner That Shuts Table Coaches Up (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=1256601&page=2&view=colla psed&sb=5&o=14&fpart=1&vc=1)" thread. I have edited them slightly to be more generic, and also tried to categorize them somewhat. Bookmark this page for easy access during play. /images/graemlins/wink.gif. Adde.

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For those who don't know, you can turn individuals' chat off by right clicking on their name and selecting 'Disable Chat'.


Hey pansy, STFU! People are here to have a good time, not to take lessons to come back and beat you with.


You lose your money your way, we'll lose our money our way.
Its our money, we'll play our way. Play anyway you want with your money!
You play with your money how you want, and I'll play with YOUR money how I want.


Just let us know next time you hold a good hand so we can fold and not suckout on you.
Shut up... I am counting your chips and it's hard to do with all that talking.
Party should have tables for pros only!
Well, it is only play money, its all just for fun anyways.
Hey, I'm a big sucker. If I stay here, will you promise not to give any lessons? I just want to have some fun...


Hey, if you think he's playing badly, why would you want him to play better?
Hey, we are here to have some fun, if you want serious poker and expert play try $15/$30.
Why do you want the people you're playing against to play better?
If you want better players, go to the $15/$30, otherwise, stop whining.
And you want him to play better?
You'd rather everyone be worldclass players?
If you can't even beat him when he plays bad, why would you want him to play good?
Keep talking, maybe he'll play better for you next time.


Don't be such a crybaby. We're trying to have fun.
Take your bad beats like a man!
Please be quiet.
Dude....take a Xanex. It's supposed to be fun.


Don't bite the hand that feeds you.
Don't tap the glass.
Don't bang on the side of the boat.
Please dont poison the pond.


Ok, class dismissed!
In University I had to pay for lessons. Here, you are paying me...I love poker!
Are lessons extra?
Smart pros charge for lessons.
When did this site start giving free lessons?
Look everyone, the loser is giving lessons to the winners, LOL!


How much do we have to lose before we are good enough to shut you up?
Ok kids, do I have to pull this car over?
Being a table coach is not a smart play in the long run.
Just STFU.


Pokar is easy!
Yeah, I wish these guys would play better so I actually have a chance to win.
You need to play me HU, I've been looking for some lessons.


I will do your girlfriend in the ass.
I bent your mother over a barrell.
Whats the matter? Not getting any?
[/list]

[GrannyMae]

Hey pansy, STFU! People are here to have a good time, not to take lessons to come back and beat you with.

HOW NASTY!!!

you people need to learn some manners!

http://smilies.sofrayt.com/%5E/a/byebye.gif

[serling]

When it gets particularly bad, I've gone as far as using Party's "invite" feature to message the table coach and pointedly explain what he's doing and to stop. That usually works.

Otherwise I'll try, "Hey t-c... I luv u."

serling

[GrannyMae]

I've gone as far as using Party's "invite" feature to message the table coach and pointedly explain what he's doing and to stop

vn. never would have thought of that.

http://smilies.sofrayt.com/%5E/d/az.gif

[Adde]

Sorry Granny, the top of the list is ranked, and yours were only second best. May I have my spanking now?

Adde

[GrannyMae]

http://smilies.sofrayt.com/%5E/7/ale.gifhttp://smilies.sofrayt.com/%5E/7/ale.gifhttp://smilies.sofrayt.com/%5E/7/ale.gifhttp://smilies.sofrayt.com/%5E/7/ale.gifhttp://smilies.sofrayt.com/%5E/7/ale.gifhttp://smilies.sofrayt.com/%5E/7/ale.gifhttp://smilies.sofrayt.com/%5E/7/ale.gifhttp://smilies.sofrayt.com/%5E/7/ale.gif

[ArchAngel71857]

Just to openly admit where my mind is,

Granny, I though those were sperm smiley faces. It took a second to realize it was the response to "spanking."

So, there you have it. <font color="white">My mind is in a urethra. </font>
-AA

[GrannyMae]

I though those were sperm smiley faces.

that would be here:

http://smilies.sofrayt.com/%5E/u/sperm.gifhttp://smilies.sofrayt.com/%5E/u/sperm.gifhttp://smilies.sofrayt.com/%5E/u/sperm.gifhttp://smilies.sofrayt.com/%5E/u/sperm.gifhttp://smilies.sofrayt.com/%5E/u/sperm.gifhttp://smilies.sofrayt.com/%5E/u/sperm.gifhttp://smilies.sofrayt.com/%5E/u/sperm.gif



<font color="white"> i heard a urethra was in your mouth </font>

[MicroBob]

you neglected my 'thank you' or just general nonsense-chat strategy.

"How can you play that crap?"
"Thank you."

"you're an idiot!! i hope you lose all your money playing that way!!"
"I like tacos."


I also like the idea that someone suggested of typing a single letter over and over to move the offending chat off the screen.

[Adde]

you neglected my 'thank you' or just general nonsense-chat strategy.

Sorry, I screwed up, I actually like the "thank you":

<ul type="square"> Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.


aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb
cccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc
And so on...
[/list]

[ArchAngel71857]

i heard a urethra was in your mouth

It's a uvula.
<font color="white">The little thing hanging in the back of your throat. I use to make you gag during oral stimulation. </font>

-AA

[GrannyMae]

Granny don't gag. she's a pro
<font color="white">and your thumb, button dick aint' nothing to gag on </font>

http://smilies.sofrayt.com/%5E/d0/suck.gif

[ArchAngel71857]

Granny don't gag. she's a pro
A pro who needs to be cocksmacked when she forgets to remove her dentures. OUCH!

<font color="white">In your defense you have only gagged that one time we were drunk and we did some ass to mouth. Miss an enema appointment? </font>

-AA

[_2000Flushes]

One of these days, you're going to kill a lurker with written words.

-2kF

[Myrtle]

When the average "table captain" starts to mouth off, and the flame war starts, I like to insert a simple

"life is good........"

comment into the middle of their silliness. Believe it or not, it way more often than not stops the tong war.

[Beavis68]

Alright - I have a horrible habit of going "hellmuth" I don't "coach" anymore, but when someone says "nh" to a A-hole that calls two all-ins with T-9s, I can go balistic.

I usually just end up cutting my session short, but if there was a 2+2 codeword so I would know if these morons actually thought this guy was making "nh" or it was sarcastic would help me chill.

[JordanIB]

After top pair on the flop gets outdrawn by 97s on a runner-runner flush.

Loser: 97??

Me: Relax man, they were suited

[radek2166]

I use " dont tap on the glass" It really does not work with morons. Most smart players get it and shut up. The guys with little dicks and expensive cars seem to keep going and going. I guess they got to make themselfs feel more important.

[siccjay]

I bent your mother over a barrel is mine! Where did you get it?

[djcolts]

I used the "I like tacos" when someone was table-coaching a couple weeks ago. The table seemed stunned by my "stupidity" - so that is a good one.

[ QUOTE ]
you neglected my 'thank you' or just general nonsense-chat strategy.

"How can you play that crap?"
"Thank you."

"you're an idiot!! i hope you lose all your money playing that way!!"
"I like tacos."


I also like the idea that someone suggested of typing a single letter over and over to move the offending chat off the screen.

[/ QUOTE ]

[Dale]

If they're berating while losing:

"Thank you for your valuable contributions."

[frank_iii]

[ QUOTE ]
I also like the idea that someone suggested of typing a single letter over and over to move the offending chat off the screen.

[/ QUOTE ]

Wow, I'm glad this thread was bumped. Great idea.

Much better than my "I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT POKER" line.

[barongreenback]

Say something irrelevent but undeniably true.

For example, if AA has just been cracked by a backdoor flush and the table coach is complaining then say,

'A flush beats a pair'

or better,

'He won with the best hand'.

It may not shut him up but you'll have a good laugh watching his brain twist in agony as tries to find a way to argue with you.

[IsaacW]

[ QUOTE ]
For example, if AA has just been cracked by a backdoor flush and the table coach is complaining then say,

'A flush beats a pair'

or better,

'He won with the best hand'.

It may not shut him up but you'll have a good laugh watching his brain twist in agony as tries to find a way to argue with you.

[/ QUOTE ]

I read this one in some other thread here:

"Hey, we're not playing two-card stud here!"

I haven't had a chance to use it online, but have used it in a B&amp;M a couple of times now.

[dlk9s]

A variation was used at the beginning of the thread, but I love the line (if someone I just beat is going off on me), "Shh....I'm counting your chips."

I had two people yelling at me (one much more than the other) last week for winning two hands in a row with actually good cards (KTs and QJo). Nobody gave me a reason to fold and I won the hands, with one guy trying to raise me on the river when I had the nuts.

Anyway, on the second of the two hands I caught the river to win, and the primary a-hole first just said, "Lucky." After about 20 seconds, he followed with, "I had a much better hand than that" (referring to my hand).

My reply was simply, "Apparently not."

That set him off for about 20 minutes. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[Adde]

I bent your mother over a barrel is mine! Where did you get it?

These are not *mine*. I started a thread asking people for replies, and this list is a compilation of them all (but one; I fouled and missed MicroBobs reply by mistake, but that was corrected; once again, sorry Bob /images/graemlins/wink.gif ).

Adde

[KeysrSoze]

You're just jealous that I live in the greatest nation on earth.

DONATION!

[coffeecrazy1]

"Ahoy there, cap'n, why don't you let him steer his own boat?"

or,

This one drives them bonkers,
"Statistically, it was a good call."

I also find that any patently untrue statement of poker theory works wonders, including radically overestimating the outs the other guy had.

[PygmyHero]

Similar to what's already been posted in this thread:

"You have to have the best hand to win."

[beernutz]

This also works when playing small pocket pairs.

[ QUOTE ]
After top pair on the flop gets outdrawn by 97s on a runner-runner flush.

Loser: 97??

Me: Relax man, they were suited

[/ QUOTE ]

[SoftcoreRevolt]

You can't win if you fold preflop.