The scariest thing that has ever happened to me is...

[tommy2]

Since it is almost Halloween, I figured it is time to bring out our personal scary stories--100% true only. Here is mine.

When I was in 2nd grade, we lived right on the 7th hole of a municipal golf course. Once it was nighttime, there was no visibility whatsoever beyond our backyard. We had a pretty big yard, with a swing set on the far part of it, the part closest to the golf course.

I had my First Communion in the late spring. We had a party at our home and all of the guests were in the backyard. All of the adults were near the house, under the lights, talking and eating. The kids were playing "freeze tag" at the other end of the yard (closest to the golf course). It was about 7:30pm and the sun was almost completly set; there was just enough light to make out shapes, but not faces or details.

I was gleefully playing freezetag with my friends and had just been tagged by one of the girls, Erin...I was frozen in sort of a semi-splits stance, but standing upright. As I stood there while the 10 of us played, I heard a gutteral sound coming from just beyond our chain link fence, in the golf course, but real real close. I then heard a animal-like growl and then (I swear to God) a dark orange pitchfork came flying towards me and landed about 3 feet from my outstetched leg. All my friends turned towards the growl, none of them noticed the pitchfork initially. Then, we all ran together to the adults.

About 12 years later I was talking to my parents about it--they not only remembered it happening, but we still had the GD pitchfork in the garage. I still can't hardly believe that it happened.

[daryn]

one time i was in the bushes near this golf course and some kids were playing a game. it was pretty dark out so nobody could hardly see me and i threw a pitchfork at this one dude. almost hit him too... scared him stiff.

the scary part was, i was laughing so hard on the way home that i almost got hit by a bus.

[Iplaydrunk]

LOL

[wacki]

One time I woke up and I could open my eyes and look around, but I couldn't move or talk. I knew my body was still asleep, but for about five or ten minutes I couldn't do anything.

It happened several times in one month about a year ago, but hasn't happened since. It was almost like I had tetrodotoxin poisoning, but I hadn't been to a sushi bar. I didn't like the experience at all.

[Blarg]

The first time I masturbated was pretty scary. I didn't know what the hell I was doing. You only grow when you sleep, and I grew six inches(no, not that way) in six months, so I spent a lot of time sleeping when I was about 13. My mom came in one day and woke me out of my afternoon nap to tell me she and my dad knew I was always in my room lately because I was masturbating, and it was okay with them. I had no idea what to say. My folks were very open with sex education and I had had sex-ed books since I was really young. I knew what masturbation was but the thought of actually doing it had somehow never really occurred to me. I mean, I hadn't ever set up a plan or had a goal about it or anything.

I told her she was wrong, but in her mother knows best manner she told me again that it was absolute fact and both she and dad knew it, but that it was okay anyway. God only knows why she told me that. It kind of freaked me out. Well, there was no convincing her otherwise. I was kind of startled and ashamed just because of the accusation, even though it was supposedly "okay" and even though I had never tried it.

So I did try it for the first time later that very day, just out of curiosity. I mean, if I was supposed to be doing it...what the hell was all this fuss about?

Anyway, I was shocked, scared, and delighted at the result, all in the same instant. I gave a huge yelp like a cowboy busting a bronco and was lucky I didn't jackknife out my window or have Mom coming running into the room to find out what was wrong. And, in the cyclical manner of the ending of scary stories....

[ThaSaltCracka]

[ QUOTE ]
The first time I masturbated was pretty scary. I didn't know what the hell I was doing. You only grow when you sleep, and I grew six inches(no, not that way) in six months, so I spent a lot of time sleeping when I was about 13. My mom came in one day and woke me out of my afternoon nap to tell me she and my dad knew I was always in my room lately because I was masturbating, and it was okay with them. I had no idea what to say. My folks were very open with sex education and I had had sex-ed books since I was really young. I knew what masturbation was but the thought of actually doing it had somehow never really occurred to me. I mean, I hadn't ever set up a plan or had a goal about it or anything.

I told her she was wrong, but in her mother knows best manner she told me again that it was absolute fact and both she and dad knew it, but that it was okay anyway. God only knows why she told me that. It kind of freaked me out. Well, there was no convincing her otherwise. I was kind of startled and ashamed just because of the accusation, even though it was supposedly "okay" and even though I had never tried it.

So I did try it for the first time later that very day, just out of curiosity. I mean, if I was supposed to be doing it...what the hell was all this fuss about?

Anyway, I was shocked, scared, and delighted at the result, all in the same instant. I gave a huge yelp like a cowboy busting a bronco and was lucky I didn't jackknife out my window or have Mom coming running into the room to find out what was wrong. And, in the cyclical manner of the ending of scary stories....

[/ QUOTE ]
weird story man.....

[nothumb]

Would have to be a tie between the following:

1. Falling asleep behind the wheel of my ex-girlfriend's car on the Taconic Parkway when I was sixteen. We had been up all night arguing and I drove her from MA to LaGuardia because - this is brilliant - she had to fly to France for a funeral. So I fell asleep on the way back about 3 miles from my exit, woke up as I went off the road and cut the wheel at the last instant, scraped a guardrail, fishtailed around the road for a while and came to a stop. Wake up an instant later and I have a steering column in my guts. Fun stuff.

2. Having my current girlfriend's psychotic boyfriend break into my house and attack me with a chef's knife. Snuck in and pounced on me as I lay drunk on the couch, while the girl I was with was in the bathroom. The couch was folded out and we were watching a movie. The knife went into my shoulder as a pushed it against my throat, but luckily my hand was near my throat and I caught the blade of the knife on the edge of my hand, near my pinkie. I had to wrest the knife from his hands by pushing against the blade, at which point he settled right down and bolted. Driving away from my house the bastard totaled his car and ran off into the woods.

NT

[Boris]

You are the luckiest MF alive. You should have been dead twice now.

[Dominic]

Actually, that's not uncommon...when you go into REM sleep, your body produces a semi-paralyzing agent so you can't move your body and accidentaly hurt yourself while you're dreaming of being chased, falling, etc. People who sleep walk don't produce enough of this agent.

What's happening to you is that your mind is waking but for some reason your body is not clearing out the paralyzing agent fast enough for you to be able to move your limbs before you wake...

I read about this somewhere once and I don't remember the name of this agent or hormone or whatver, that's why I'm a little vague! /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[turnipmonster]

so I'm on the road with this ska/reggae band and it's 4 in the morning and we are driving our 1957 converted greyhound tour bus through the mountains in colorado. we take turns driving, and I like to watch the sun come up so I am driving and everyone else is sleeping. I have just recently learned to drive the bus (no small feat, you have to double clutch and downshift and all this other bullshit).

anyways, for those of you that have never driven a truck/bus, the brakes use compressed air (provided by an air compressor) and they are inadequate for stopping a bus when it is, for example, careening down a mountain. the air compressor is triggered when you press the gas pedal.

so, we are somewhere near vail and we are starting to go down a mountain. this requires downshifting, which is tricky. so I am in 3rd and put it in neutral and go to put it in 2nd, and the gears grind like hell and I can't get it into 2nd. we are picking up speed, so I decide it's prudent to put it back into 3rd. no dice, more evil gear grinding.

at this point everyone's up in the front of the bus and we are picking up major speed. I have been pressing the brakes in a vain attempt to slow us down, and now it appears the compressor is out of compressed air. so while we are careening down the hill in neutral, the bass player is on the floor pressing on the gas pedal to try and get the compressor to compress some motherfucking air so we can hit the brakes. meanwhile the trombone player and me are trying to heave the stick into 4th. the drummer is screaming. I begin looking for runaway truck ramps.

so after much duress we slam the thing into 4th and lean on the brakes and the trombone player and me change places ON THE FLY because he's experienced enough to downshift going a million miles an hour down the side of a motherfucking mountain.

--turnipmonster

[tek]

[ QUOTE ]
...at this point everyone's up in the front of the bus and we are picking up major speed. I--turnipmonster

[/ QUOTE ]

Geez, I'd hate to be in a boat with you geniuses... /images/graemlins/laugh.gif

[ThaSaltCracka]

[ QUOTE ]
One time I woke up and I could open my eyes and look around, but I couldn't move or talk. I knew my body was still asleep, but for about five or ten minutes I couldn't do anything.

It happened several times in one month about a year ago, but hasn't happened since. It was almost like I had tetrodotoxin poisoning, but I hadn't been to a sushi bar. I didn't like the experience at all.

[/ QUOTE ]

This has happened to me on multiple occasions.

[NLSoldier]

[ QUOTE ]
The first time I masturbated was pretty scary. I didn't know what the hell I was doing. You only grow when you sleep, and I grew six inches(no, not that way) in six months, so I spent a lot of time sleeping when I was about 13. My mom came in one day and woke me out of my afternoon nap to tell me she and my dad knew I was always in my room lately because I was masturbating, and it was okay with them. I had no idea what to say. My folks were very open with sex education and I had had sex-ed books since I was really young. I knew what masturbation was but the thought of actually doing it had somehow never really occurred to me. I mean, I hadn't ever set up a plan or had a goal about it or anything.

I told her she was wrong, but in her mother knows best manner she told me again that it was absolute fact and both she and dad knew it, but that it was okay anyway. God only knows why she told me that. It kind of freaked me out. Well, there was no convincing her otherwise. I was kind of startled and ashamed just because of the accusation, even though it was supposedly "okay" and even though I had never tried it.

So I did try it for the first time later that very day, just out of curiosity. I mean, if I was supposed to be doing it...what the hell was all this fuss about?

Anyway, I was shocked, scared, and delighted at the result, all in the same instant. I gave a huge yelp like a cowboy busting a bronco and was lucky I didn't jackknife out my window or have Mom coming running into the room to find out what was wrong. And, in the cyclical manner of the ending of scary stories....

[/ QUOTE ]

I dont think ive ever laughed harder while reading 2+2!

[bwana devil]

[ QUOTE ]
but luckily my hand was near my throat and I caught the blade of the knife on the edge of my hand

[/ QUOTE ]

so that's why they call you No Thumb.

crazy story.

[Cosimo]

[ QUOTE ]
One time I woke up and I could open my eyes and look around, but I couldn't move or talk. I knew my body was still asleep, but for about five or ten minutes I couldn't do anything.

It happened several times in one month about a year ago, but hasn't happened since. It was almost like I had tetrodotoxin poisoning, but I hadn't been to a sushi bar. I didn't like the experience at all.

[/ QUOTE ]

Sometimes this is called 'old hag,' and if you're having half-waking dreams of an ugly old woman on you, then a succubus has just stolen your soul. If you've been watching too much X-files lately, then this will be a great alien abduction story.

I was "abducted by aliens," and this particular phenomenon is why. It was pretty cool and all. Damn scary at the time, tho, given a sleepy head and the complete paralysis (except for the eyes, which makes sense wrt REM sleep). To be clear here, no I do not believe I was actually abducted. They just visited. /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

Crackpot description (http://www.legendsmagazine.net/90/askpsi.htm)
but we're scientific crackpots (http://www.trionica.com/index.htm)
Dream Lab (http://www.jtkresearch.com/DreamLab/b_info_sp.asp?lang=e)

[wacki]

Thanks Salt, Dominic, and Cosimo!

I figured it was just natural, but it really messes with your mind. It only happened during a one month stretch so part of the time I was worried I was slowly becomming paralyzed. The other part I simply figured my body was still asleep, but atleast now I know its ok.

Salt did you ever get any "night demons" while experiencing this like they talk about in Cosimo's links. I did, but only a couple of times. I didn't even see them, just heard them in the house. For some reason I knew whoever they were, they weren't friendly. There was a knife on my desk next to my bed and all I wanted to do was grab the knife. Of course, I couldn't move. All I could think about for ten minutes was how I was going to die and I couldn't even pick up a knife that was a foot from my bed to defend myself. It sucked!

[dr. klopek]

on new year's eve 1999/2000, I went to this party full of douche bags who wouldn't let me in and threatened to kick my ass if i didn't leave without the girls that my friends and i came with. So a friend and I decided to leave. Upon noticing that between us and the car stood a shirtless, hairless man screaming at the top of his lungs about killing "all of you." We thought it best to take evasive action. As we turned the corner to take the long way to the car, a rather large man came out of a house and asked us what was going on. We told him that some skinhead was threatening everybody at the party and we were just trying to leave. He told us "we're not all like that, he's making us look bad." This was followed by a diatribe about his tireless efforts to "save your (my) race." I turned away from him and told my friend "we don't have to listen to this," which, looking back, I now realize was a mistake. He grabbed me and spun me around to face him, screaming about how i wasn't respecting him and calling me a "nigger." (That may be edited but you can guess what a skinhead would call someone who didn't want to hear his crap.) (BTW, i'm whiter than paulie shore.) So just as we're trying to explain that we just want to leave, a car comes peeling up and screeches to a halt next to us. Three short, shorn, and more than a little drunk gentlemen jump out of the car, leaving it on and the doors open, and run up to us. "Who the [censored] is this?" they ask what I by now realize is their leader. By now I am surrounded, backed up against a chain-link fence, and trying to explain to these four unreasonable men that I am not, in fact, a S.H.A.R.P. (skinhead against racial predjudice)(!) Needless to say they didn't belive me, and after a few more racial slurrs that don't apply to me the leader tells me to "look at this" and takes his shirt off. His torso was covered, belt to chin, with iron crosses, swastikas and the like. Out of pure discomfort, I turned away, again, a mistake. Someone behind me yelled "look at it" and punched me in the back of the neck pretty hard. The ambush knocked me to the ground onto my hands and knees. One of them kicked me in the temple (steel toed boots being the footwear of choice) and after a brief moment of blackness I was on my side. The four of them told me they were going to kill me and to prove it, one of them held my friend away while the other three stomped on my head and kicked me in the stomach and back, using the chain link fence for leverage. Fortunately, my head was on dirt, not the sidewalk, so this wasn't as bad as it could've been. After a while I heard a woman's voice talking to the men and asking who I was. They told her I was a sharp and she kicked me so hard in the spine that I couldn't feel my legs for a few seconds. I looked up at her as if to say "what is your [censored] problem," another mistake, and was met with a swift kick in the face. Long story short, the cops showed up in the nick of time and we were let go, we proceeded to get real drunk, not press charges, and explain for weeks the footprints on my face. Not that spooky, but I was scared.

[W00lygimp]

I got hit in the face with a baseball once...

On a more serious note,
If John Kerry is elected that will be a scary moment.

[dr. klopek]

I can't see how you could even begin to argue that there is a scarier, more dangerous possibility than W's re-election.

[Bez]

I once saw a clown.

[ThaSaltCracka]

yeah the night demons thing has probably happened to me 3 or 4 times. Its [censored] nutz man, I had to turn the light on a couple times.

[Lawrence Ng]

[ QUOTE ]
Anyway, I was shocked, scared, and delighted at the result, all in the same instant. I gave a huge yelp like a cowboy busting a bronco and was lucky I didn't jackknife out my window or have Mom coming running into the room to find out what was wrong. And, in the cyclical manner of the ending of scary stories....

[/ QUOTE ]

Blarg,

Your story is extremely funny and well told, though a bit too much detail for most straight guy's liking. /images/graemlins/blush.gif

I laughed hard though.

Honestly, if my parents ever did give me that kind of talk (and thank god they did not!!) I would faint.

However, when I was a young teen, I did overhear my parents talking in their room once about finding my stack of playboy magazines hidden in the back of a hole in my closet where no one but the rats go. My mom wanted to confront me, but my dad said to let it go otherwise he thinks I'll go gay if it's wrong to look at Playboy. /images/graemlins/smirk.gif

[crash]

One time I had KK and I bet it the whole way and then an A hit the river and someone bet into me. I was very scared.





Actually, this wasn't entirely to be a smartass. I was playing 10-20 with a progressive kill, and this was a 40-80 hand. That limit scared the crap out of me at the time, as did the 80 dollar river bet.

What's really funny about the hand is that I had been smoking away from the table, I didn't know it was a kill hand when I sat down. I was utg with the kings and put 20 in--then someone said "it's 40 to call". I thought I was raising, but I wasn't even calling. It got raised twice behind me, so it was 80 more to me. I got to do the little used "limp-cap" move. I still say the river was the scariest thing I've ever seen.

[nothumb]

Probably more than twice. Those are just the two closest calls.

On the other hand, I also reacted very quickly and calmly in both cases and I'm quite sure I saved my own life where many others would have died. With the car, I was lucky to wake up when I did, but it's also difficult to keep a car going 70 miles an hour that just bounced off a guardrail and has a punctured tire from spinning off a rocky embankment.

With the knife-wielding lunatic, I was lucky I'm a tough bastard, even though I was raised Quaker. However most people probably wouldn't disarm an assailant by forcing a blade further into their own hand. Or would they? I don't know.

NT

[tripdad]

one of my kids was sick, and doctors didn't know exactly what it was. she was only 6 months old and i ahd to watch them give her a spinal tap because they thought she might have spinal meningitis. she's fine now, but that is easily scarier than anything that ever happened to me.

cheers!

[Joe Tall]

I was 23 or so and walking out of a bar around closing time, somewhere around the 4th of July. The bar is located on just on the shady side of town. Just as my friends and I were taking a leak in the corner of the parking lot, 3 fire crackers went off in the alley next to us. Bang.....Bang! Bang!

Within seconds 2 police cars pulled into the lot and we thought we were going to get pinched for taking a leak and kinda bolted into the king-cab truck my friend drove.

Then they got out with their guns drawn and screamed to put our hands up. We did. One of the officers was young, I say 25 and he looked scared. He slowly walked up to the passenger side of the truck and asked me to reach over with my opposite hand to open the door, "REAL SLOW" while the gun was pointed in my face.

I did and slowly got out, when I stood up I think I spooked him because of my hight and he buried the barrel of the gun in the center of my back and said, "Move real slow big guy or I'll blow you away." My friends say I turned ghost white and I remember trying to relax but my heart was racing so fast and I getting a little dizzy.

After his partner looked through the truck and we explained that firecrackers is what the sound was, they apologized a bunch of times and let us go.

I still remember the barrel of the gun and the imprint he made in the center of my back, I'll never forget.

Peace,
Joe Tall

[banditbdl]

[ QUOTE ]
I can't see how you could even begin to argue that there is a scarier, more dangerous possibility than W's re-election.

[/ QUOTE ]

This from a man, who just posted a truly disturbing story about running into a bunch of crazy-ass skinheads, with steel-toed boots and death on their minds. I don't know about you, but that possibility is a hell of a lot scarier to me than whoever is being elected President, Kerry or Bush.

[astroglide]

i would take a beating to insure bush's defeat without reservation

[Tyler Durden]

On Columbus Day 2003 I walked into an armed robbery at a gas station near BWI. Middle of the day too, 2:15 PM. Scary stuff. Guy pointed the gun at me and threatened to shoot me if I didn't give him my money. I had left my wallet in the car....No one was hurt tho.

[Michael Davis]

This belongs in the politics forum, right above the Other Other Topics link.

-Michael

[cnfuzzd]

i almost got married once...

or

Somone wanted me to father their children once...


you decide.

peace

john nickle

[mikeyvegas]

[ QUOTE ]
one of my kids was sick, and doctors didn't know exactly what it was. she was only 6 months old and i ahd to watch them give her a spinal tap because they thought she might have spinal meningitis. she's fine now, but that is easily scarier than anything that ever happened to me.

cheers!

[/ QUOTE ]


I hear that man. I personally have had many scary moments in my life, but they are completely dwarfed to the time my daughter woke up screaming with a temp. of 104 when she was 1. That was the scariest night of my life.

[sublime]

i would take a beating to insure bush's defeat without reservation

I will wait in line behind you and take one also.

[cnfuzzd]

i will happily deliver any beatings to ensure bush doesnt win the election, particularly if they will be administered to Bush supporters.

peace

john nickle

[Ulysses]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v193/sleepboxer/4046.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v193/sleepboxer/9529.jpg

[Joe Tall]

That truck, over your car?

Holy fck, gald you are still with us.

Peace,
Joe Tall

[wacki]

I second that, glad you weren't hurt. That looks like it was driver side too. What kind of car was that? It must have a very good safety rating.

[thirddan]

my sister hit me in the face with a baseball bat when i was playing catcher for her, left me a cool scar over my eye though...

[Filip]

Riding an elephant up a rocky streambed in Thailand is the most scary thing i have done. All the other elephants had a driver.... our didnt. We had kat chewing dude walking 100m away. The seat was also incorrectly mounted far to near the head of elephant and that made it tilt forward.

But i learned that i can hold my own overweight bodyweight with one arm when i am in panic so something good came out of it.

[TylerD]

Its called sleep paralysis. (http://www.stanford.edu/~dement/paralysis.html)

[OrangeHeat]

Waking up in the median going 80 mph after a 3 day round trip from Syracuse to Florida with one night's worth of sleep.

Woke up because the S10 was bouncing, overcorrected and went off the opposite side of the road, and then back on.

It was funny I must have been asleep for a little bit because traffic was waiting half mile behind and half mile in front of me.

I would be dead if there were any overpasses in that stretch.

Orange

[banditbdl]

[ QUOTE ]
i would take a beating to insure bush's defeat without reservation

[/ QUOTE ]

But that's not the question. The question is would you put yourself in a situation where you're reasonably likely to be beaten to death (as the story I referenced in my original posted described) to insure Bush's defeat?

[astroglide]

i still doubt it was reasonably likely there, but no, i wouldn't if that were the case

[Sponger15SB]

Why is your car upside down on the bed of that towtruck?

Something tells me that isn't good.

[astroglide]

i have too many to recount from growing up. most notable one is probably my drunk/high stepfather trying to stab my mom in the stomach with a kitchen knife when she was 7 months pregnant with his own kid. i woke up and he was yelling at her about how he was going to cut the baby out, cut her head off, and shove the baby down her neck. i got up and he stumbled into the kitchen and got a knife. i came up behind him and hit him with a guitar. i was maybe 9 years old, i'm sure if he wasn't totally obliterated i couldn't have done anything about it.

and yeah he would have done it. one time my sister (slightly older) was having a slumber party for her birthday or something, i was out there too and we were watching cartoons on tv or something. he stumbled in the door and went to the bedroom. then my mom starts yelling ARE YOU CRAZY YOU ARE GOING TO KILL THE BABY (this was before the above incident). later i was told that he thought she was crowding the bed so he kicked her in the stomach to knock her off. he drug her out into the hall in front of a bunch of little girls and started beating her up, we all had to walk up and down the street in our pajamas in the snow knocking on neighbors' windows/doors trying to get help.

got mugged when i was 7 by 2 15 year-olds. i was at a public park with a friend and we had ditched our bikes near this construction area (they had a trailer and a huge pile of dirt) and were walking around or something when he looks under the trailer and says HEY I SAW YOU I KNOW WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE. i didn't know what he was talking about so i looked around the side of it and saw these guys running off with our (tiny and shitty) bikes. they saw me and chased me down, asked me if i wanted to be a tough guy etc. one of them held me down while the other one pounded me in the face.

it didn't really hurt it just made me numb, this kind of dizzy feeling with an intense "ringing" (partially adrenaline/fear but it's also the same feeling as getting hit in the nose if you've had it happen). my friend had already taken off at that point to get help or whatever. the guys took off after they realized how badly they had [censored] up this little kid and left the bike. i tried riding it home but i kept falling over so i started walking and falling down.

park was only 1/8th of a mile or so from my house, just down the street. i got to the first row of houses and these soccer player guys were in their yard and asked me if i wrecked my bike or wtf happened. i explained and told them which way they went (and a faster way to go up a different street to get them because they went up a hill). they had some lady in the house take me to my house.

so i looked in the mirror when i got home and i was blown away. my face was totally bloody and they had broken the middle part of my nose actually open and kinda knocked in the orbit of one of my eyes. so i layed down on the couch and at this point the entire neighborhood is in my front yard and flipping out. i was getting "tired" to the point where i couldn't really stay concious and people were talking to me trying to keep me awake until the ambulance came.

then the soccer guys came back with both of them. they had already knocked them around a bit apparently. the cops show up right after my mom is wigging out and getting restrained because she wants to kill them. the cops come look at me and then go outside and take the guys' jewelry and give it to my mom and let her take some swings at them before they arrest them. i just heard yelling and [censored] outside i only know that part from the story i was told.

i don't remember being in an ambulance but i remember being in a wheelchair at a hospital and still trying to stay awake while waiting for people with the flu in the emergency room to go ahead of me. so my dad shows up at the hospital at this point and starts threatening to kill people if i don't get seen (at this point i probably just look like a kid with a busted nose) so they let me in. it takes forever and they send me to some other hospital and i spend the night getting woken up constantly and asked dumb questions to insure i don't have a wicked concussion or slip into a coma.

i ended up doing that but i don't think it was a COMA, i just think i was unconcious for like a day. eventually i got surgery and that sucked too. they had to use gas to put me under because i was too little. i picked strawberry. it smelled like [censored] and i hated it. when it started taking me under i wigged out and pulled off the breather and tried to run out of the room. everything looked like when you stare really close range at a tv set, only rearranged. so the surgery gets done.

then i wake up and i start puking and I CANNOT SEE ANYTHING. totally black. so i'm trying to figure out where my parents are and my mom COMPLETELY wigs out and eventually we're told it's just a side-effect that happens sometimes (nobody including me was told beforehand). they give me something to help me sleep and when i wake up it's normal.

back then they used different kinds of packing too, the ones they use today apparently dissolve over time. i had literal cloth stuffed down my nasal passages and a split over my nose. i thought the cloth was just up my nose a bit and would tug on it when i looked in the mirror but it felt pretty firm so i left it despite the annoyance.

when i went to get it removed the doctor was like "this is going to hurt REALLY BAD" and he wasn't kidding. he takes off the splint and starts pulling this [censored] out of my nose like the clown infinite handkerchief trick. this thing was LONG, i could feel it moving back in my face and it STUNG like you wouldn't believe.

i've also been held at gunpoint for not taking out the trash by another one of my mom's gem boyfriends (manic depressive anxiety disorder guy taking lithium to keep from cowering in corners and crying whose last wife had killed herself in front of him). he tried to fight me in the yard and i went inside and he got a gun and then slept outside my windowless room in the basement with the gun. i ended up moving out and sleeping in friends' houses, my car, etc after that and not long after he took my mom, my half-brother (the one my stepdad wanted to kill) and his own 2 kids "hostage" upstairs by making them stay in their respective rooms and patrolling with a shotgun.

my mom called me at work (baskin-robbins, you know THIS responsible 16-year old is going to save the day!) and told me about it in a golf whisper. i asked her if she called the cops and she hadn't, she [censored] called ME at WORK. so i called the cops and everything got sorted out there.

been in some pretty crazy car wrecks, had a concussion with memory loss when i was like 12 (claimed to be exacerbated by my mugging), walked first into my own house when i was a kid 2 separate times while it was being robbed, saw somebody get beaten out in the face with a shovel by some neighborhood punks in my own backyard, you name it. now i'm not really scared of people or animals or whatever life throws at me and i have no idea what kind of monster could be unleashed if somebody tried to commit some crime against me like muggging or robbing again. the only things that really tweak me are non-human life-threatening situations like airplanes making really bad landings or whatever.

oh and i don't know if this is a result of the surgery or not but i can't blow my nose too hard or what but TINY AIR BUBBLES come out of the eye where i had the orbit cracked and it hurts really bad. that story went on a little long but it wasn't the scariest.

oh and yeah as far as pain i once had an ear infection so bad it actually caused me to like pass out. as you may guess i was undercared for in the health dept when i was living with my mom. my dad picked me up for my visit and my ear and just kicked into overdrive. so we're going and it starts hurting worse and worse (maybe pressure changes from the car?) and i start screaming. so he pulls up to walgreen's to try to find some kind of [censored] to help because we're not too close to a hospital yet and i'm in the car yelling by myself and i literally dropped. so don't buy it when people say it hurts so bad they can't stand it.

also wasn't ever told to brush my teeth or anything like that so i got an absessed tooth where a hole opened and the nerve rotted out. i had a tooth with a huge hole in it that would hurt for weeks at a time and then stop for a long time. then just had a tooth with a hole in it (a molar) for years and years. i got it taken care of about 4 or so years ago. they had to surgically remove the tooth parts from my gums then the fun part.

so i've got 2 teeth next to it and no tooth there. the "best" solution is to cut the top off of the teeth next to it and suspend a fake tooth using them as a bridge. so it's like fake top - fake tooth - fake top. they drill off the top of my side teeth a while after the tooth was removed and then the fun part. i have to wait for the anesthetic to wear off so that i can "feel" the area and come back.

so i do and it's hurting. but they've got this molding that they make by me biting down on it to get a perfect bond to the top of my 2 anchor teeth. it has to be airtight or problems will develop. so the stuff they use is like an acid and glue in one that makes sure it has perfect contact. but the way it works is you have to bite into it and it's porcelain or whatever chopping into your untopped tooth and it's not angled perfectly right. so he wedges it on, it hurts like a bitch and won't fit, then shaves it down a touch over and over.

then after like 10 iterations of that he puts the acid/glue/goop on it and says THIS IS GOING TO HURT BUT YOU CANNOT STOP AND YOU HAVE TO TELL ME IF IT DOESN'T FEEL TOTALLY SECURE. so he puts it on and it's burning the [censored] out of my teeth and i have to bite down on a tongue depresser kind of thing to make it fully mash down on my teeth. solid 8.9/10 on the pain scale.

the beauty of this thing is that the glue doesn't last forever and i'm going to have to get it reglued some years down the road. when i get on long flights i think about how bad it would hurt if i had half-open teeth for an entire flight if the pressure changes or whatever are enough to send it over the edge.

if you even managed to read this, congratulations. i'm not sure if this makes things more interesting or not but i've never been in a fight outside of that mugging.

[nolanfan34]

[ QUOTE ]
that story went on a little long but it wasn't the scariest.

[/ QUOTE ]

Actually, you win. I mean, jeez. Your stories certainly make my appreciate how benign my childhood was.

[spamuell]

Astro, wow.

I thought you were just some sarcastic dude who tears up the Party 15/30.

Everything you mentioned in your post is worse than anything that has ever happened to me, I'm pretty shocked that so much could happen to one person.

[astroglide]

there are some funny ones too. that same stepdad used to sleepwalk like mad (probably drug-related too) and do crazy [censored]. he would eat mayonaise out of the jar, etc. one time he got up and my door to the hallway was open and he pissed on my door, like a complete load of piss. and the best time (this is gonna be hard to believe) is when he went outside and picked up rocks from the cracks in our sidewalk and was eating them.

[astroglide]

eh i dunno i wouldn't trade any of it because i think whatever you run into and come out of makes you whatever you are. if you're happy with whatever you are, i think you should be happy about whatever happened. when i talk or even think about any of it, it does seem like it was a movie i watched even though i know it was me. all of this does make me want to give my mom a visit and get the more lucid, adult versions of all these stories because i haven't talked with her about any of it since i grew up.

and i don't want to derail the thread or whatever, it's just that people talking about getting beaten up by skinheads and whatnot made me want to post it.

[David]

Looking out my front door just in time to see the car with the "US Army" sign stop in front of my house.

Thank God he just paused and kept going.

[Ulysses]

Yeah, that truck v. our SUV (rent-a-car Chevy Blazer). On Donner Pass on the way to Tahoe. Luckily he flipped us into the mountain as opposed to the other way, off the mountain.

[bdk3clash]

Uh, Astroglide wins.

[slickpoppa]

Where did you grow up?

[nolanfan34]

[ QUOTE ]
Yeah, that truck v. our SUV (rent-a-car Chevy Blazer). On Donner Pass on the way to Tahoe. Luckily he flipped us into the mountain as opposed to the other way, off the mountain.

[/ QUOTE ]

Is the accident the reason you have to wear the Mexican wrestling mask?

J/K, that does look scary though. Clearly you were wearing your seat belt, which probably saved your life.

[ctide]

plz, when i was 13 i woke up with a right testicle the size of a golf ball.

[Popinjay]

the first time I asked a chick out.

[Ulysses]

[ QUOTE ]
plz, when i was 13 i woke up with a right testicle the size of a golf ball.

[/ QUOTE ]

Assuming it was not normally the size of a golf ball, winner.

[astroglide]

this is a perfect opportunity. everybody should go rent "your friends and neighbors". it's not about scary stuff, but it's a fantastic movie and the "that beats my story" concept reminded me of it.

[pokerjo22]

What a cathartic thread. Well since everyone else has been so honest...

My scariest moment was almost getting stabbed in a Thai nightclub. Me and a friend were walking past the bar on the way to the bathroom when a Thai woman lunged at me and took a swing. I remember kind of jumping out of the way and sucking my belly in, and when I looked down I thought I saw something glint. When I looked up two Thai women were pulling the first one back and there was a lot of shouting in Thai. Me and my friend carried on to the bathroom, and were talking the most inane rubbish. I think we were both in shock. When we got back to our friends they said we were white as anything, and when they asked us what had happened my friend said, "I think Jo nearly got stabbed". It was only at that point it sank in.

My other scary moments were drug related. I once had seizures after snorting some unknown substance at a party. And once when trying to quit ecstacy I got really drunk and then took ecstacy anyway. I only have three memories from the entire night: doing 'something' with some guy in a nightclub, crying with my friend and sitting in the back seat of a car while some guy screams at me because he'd been maced (I don't carry mace). My friend can only remember the crying so between the two of us we still have no idea how the three events were related. /images/graemlins/frown.gif /images/graemlins/blush.gif

[sublime]

PokerJo-

Somehow you just became even better looking /images/graemlins/wink.gif

[ThaSaltCracka]

[ QUOTE ]
PokerJo-

Somehow you just became even better looking /images/graemlins/wink.gif

[/ QUOTE ]
yeah, she's hot!

[sublime]

yeah, she's hot!

I wonder if she's a good athlete? /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[ThaSaltCracka]

[ QUOTE ]
yeah, she's hot!

I wonder if she's a good athlete? /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[/ QUOTE ]
I don't care, as long as she is limber, because I can lie on my back all night! /images/graemlins/cool.gif /images/graemlins/laugh.gif /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[nolanfan34]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
yeah, she's hot!

I wonder if she's a good athlete? /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[/ QUOTE ]
I don't care, as long as she is limber, because I can lie on my back all night! /images/graemlins/cool.gif /images/graemlins/laugh.gif /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

Dude, you need to go see your masseuse or something. Don't scare away one of the few women who post here.

[pokerjo22]

*chuckle* it would take a lot more than Salty to scare me.

[ThaSaltCracka]

haha, what masseuse? /images/graemlins/shocked.gif /images/graemlins/wink.gif

She seems very nice, and I am just messing with her. Besides if the thread entitled "what are women good for" a few months ago didn't scare her away, me being a dumbass won't either.

[ThaSaltCracka]

[ QUOTE ]
*chuckle* it would take a lot more than Salty to scare me.

[/ QUOTE ]
like what?

BTW, I can be your private dancer anytime /images/graemlins/wink.gif

[pokerjo22]

[ QUOTE ]

like what?


[/ QUOTE ]

The masked man scares me.

[ThaSaltCracka]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

like what?


[/ QUOTE ]

The masked man scares me.

[/ QUOTE ]
El Diablo?

Don't worry I can protect you from him.

[nolanfan34]

[ QUOTE ]
Besides if the thread entitled "what are women good for" a few months ago didn't scare her away, me being a dumbass won't either.

[/ QUOTE ]

Good point. /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[sublime]

The masked man scares me.

Jo-

Why did you leave Boston? Especially before we got to meet /images/graemlins/frown.gif

[ThaSaltCracka]

there is a no way a lady that hot is from Boston.

[sublime]

she lived here not to long ago

and dude, boston got some FINE women.

[sublime]

a lady

Geek

[Oski]

[ QUOTE ]
plz, when i was 13 i woke up with a right testicle the size of a golf ball.

[/ QUOTE ]

Was it yours?

[pokerjo22]

I didn't really mean to leave, but the Bay Area is pretty sweet. Hmm, let me see, cheap wine, live poker, outdoor restaurants and outdoor drinking, and no digging my car out of three feet of snow. Woohoo!

But...no Sox /images/graemlins/frown.gif no Pats /images/graemlins/frown.gif no Remdawg *sniff*

[sublime]

I didn't really mean to leave, but the Bay Area is pretty sweet. Hmm, let me see, cheap wine, live poker, outdoor restaurants and outdoor drinking, and no digging my car out of three feet of snow. Woohoo!

I cant argue with you there.

Why cant all women poker players look like you Jo? The ones I play with at Foxwoods look like the landlady from KingPin.

Move back /images/graemlins/frown.gif

[ThaSaltCracka]

you should move to Seattle.

[pokerjo22]

My first live poker is here. I never made it to Foxwoods /images/graemlins/frown.gif There are quite a few women play here, at least at the low limits, and very friendly and nice they are too. And only a few of them look like the landlady in Kingpin.

[sublime]

you should move to Seattle.

Yeah, great climate and if you dont like your neighbor there is a decent chance they will commit suicide

[ThaSaltCracka]

yeah precisely, plus we have all the sports and poker talk you could want without the damn accent that sounds like someone has marbles in their mouth.

[sublime]

Well I need a vacation(from what I dont know)

Bay area sounds nice, got a spare room? If not, thats cool, we can sleep head to toe /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[nolanfan34]

[ QUOTE ]
you should move to Seattle.

Yeah, great climate and if you dont like your neighbor there is a decent chance they will commit suicide

[/ QUOTE ]

We only talk about the rain to keep people from California from moving here. It's the best possible weather in the summer.

[ctide]

[ QUOTE ]
Was it yours?

[/ QUOTE ]

Yes, it was. It's gone now though.

[ThaSaltCracka]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
you should move to Seattle.

Yeah, great climate and if you dont like your neighbor there is a decent chance they will commit suicide

[/ QUOTE ]

We only talk about the rain to keep people from California from moving here. It's the best possible weather in the summer.

[/ QUOTE ]

Unless they are hot Californian chicks.

[nolanfan34]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
you should move to Seattle.

Yeah, great climate and if you dont like your neighbor there is a decent chance they will commit suicide

[/ QUOTE ]

We only talk about the rain to keep people from California from moving here. It's the best possible weather in the summer.

[/ QUOTE ]

Unless they are hot Californian chicks.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'd say this thread is officially hijacked.

[B Dids]

Not only that, it's officially pathetic.

[sublime]

Not only that, it's officially pathetic.

is that your introduction?

[ThaSaltCracka]

[ QUOTE ]
Not only that, it's officially pathetic.

[/ QUOTE ]
No its not, you are /images/graemlins/mad.gif

Besides, no one topped Astroglides story, and its doubtful anyone will.

[Sponger15SB]

[ QUOTE ]
Not only that, it's officially pathetic.

[/ QUOTE ]

What are you wearing right now?

[ThaSaltCracka]

sublime and sponger both just cracked me up.....

[B Dids]

Did you see the part about Tide's nut?

[wacki]

I don't really consider this scary. I consider this enlightening, but some of you might think differently. There are 4 people in this pic. (Can you find all of them?) The most enlightening part is called a "crossover". It takes me about a minute or two to perform.

http://parazen.bio.indiana.edu/600TAG_RJs.jpg

[ThaSaltCracka]

yeah, that was depressing. He lost his nut.

[wacki]

My vote still goes to astroglide. Not to downplay losing a nut, because that is probably one of the worst things that can happen to a kid. But I have to respect anyone that can grow up in a shity environment and still become a productive person like astroglide is.

[Sponger15SB]

[ QUOTE ]
My vote still goes to astroglide. Not to downplay losing a nut, because that is probably one of the worst things that can happen to a kid. But I have to respect anyone that can grow up in a shity environment and still become a productive person like astroglide is.

[/ QUOTE ]

Agreed. I felt like a 10 on the spoiled bitch-o-meter when I read his post.

This one time, my dad yelled at me because I used to not be able to swallow pills and he threw a newspaper at me because I kept resisting.

Also, my mom grabbed me by my throat one time when we were yelling at eachother. Another time we were arguing and she had a shoe on, and she went to fling it off cause she was really pissed at me and it went through a window.

[ThaSaltCracka]

well if the vote goes for shittiest life story then yeah, but I think the neo nazi beating is probably the scariest of them all.

[wacki]

[ QUOTE ]
well if the vote goes for shittiest life story then yeah, but I think the neo nazi beating is probably the scariest of them all.

[/ QUOTE ]

[ QUOTE ]
Besides, no one topped Astroglides story, and its doubtful anyone will.

[/ QUOTE ]

lol, I agree.

[ThaSaltCracka]

actually from Jagoff in the "college...whore..."thread, this is the scariest story I have heard in a long time:
[ QUOTE ]
My 2nd half of my freshman year in college starts out with a new roommate. I knew it was gonna be a long year cause this kid calls me at home during break saying "Man I can't wait for this year. It's gonna be awesome. Do you drink and stuff. Are there alot of girls at school?" Good grief! I have to room with a 18 year old kid (btw I started late I was 21) and I just don't know if I can handle it. So after weeks of trying to avoid my new roomie like he was carrying the plague I find out an interesting tidbit...he is rushing. GRRRRRRREAT! Now not only do I have to put up with his crap but I gotta deal with his "brothers" now. He invites me over to a social they were having with one of the sororities. I go there and when I look downstairs I see that it is HOG HEAVEN! These girls are large and in charge! I asked my roomie wtf was going on and he said "we got us some pigs for the night. These are the loosest girls on campus." Well of course they are they have NO CHOICE! So after a few beers and assorted drugs I tell my roommate that I am "hooking" up tonight and he can point out the girl that I can hook up with. That bastard points out this girl with some of the biggest real titties that I have ever seen but BUT she ain't nothing to write home about even though the rest of her body was just OK. After doing some research (doing research at a frat function is like beating your faqing head off of a wall btw) I find out that she is not that LAG! Matter of fact she is TP. Well faq me this is gonna be harder than I thought! Hours of dancing and forcing her to drink brought the end of the night. I go to the bathroom to make sure that my junk is operational. Junk is a GO! I go back downstairs and this girl is nowhere to be found. Well faq! There goes that bet right? Nay. I walked outside and there she is standing under a tree waiting for me. I didn't even see her until she grabbed me. We made out rather violently under the tree. After we finished she asked me back to her place. This big tittied bitch made me hold her hand the whole walk back which was about a mile! Holding a beefy, sweaty hand was not envisioned in my night. We get back to where my dorm is and I am thinking "ok why the faq are we going back to MY place?" then we head left and end up at the neighboring dorm. We take the elevator and she has got a handful of my junk, which is shrieking at this point and I have to dump the mayonaisse truck soon or I fear things will not function well in the future. We get back to her room, she opens the door, turns on the light and I stop. I look around and I think I have found the 6th level of hell! There are stuffed animals everywhere! On her bed, on her tables, in her closet, just everywhere. "Like stuffed animals much?" I ask "oh yeah" she giggles which sounds more like an attempt to swallow a 12" hoagie whole "I have collected these over the years". So she clears off her bed and invites me to sit down. We start going at it and she tells me that "she never does things like this with just anyone" I almost blurted out "well I must be really lucky then" but decided somehow in my alcoholic daze against it. She then devours my junk like some sorta meat crazed animal that hasn't had a meal in a few weeks. Fat girls give great head, well the one that I had. She is on her knees and I got the back of her head and it is basically like I am humping her mouth. She takes off her shirt and bra to reveal some of the biggest nips that I have ever seen. Her bush almost made me laugh cause it was 70's porn bush! Nairy a hair be shaved or trimmed on that bearded clam! I thought for sure I wouldn't find anything in that mess. Well it turns out this girl was a complete freak. We had to move things to the floor cause dorm beds squeak like you wouldn't believe. She liked to have every orafice fingered, fisted, gouged, faqed. And as a good friend once told me "that pussy was biting". She took my mayonaisse truck like every good girl should and was begging for more. but alcohol finally has gotten to me. I passed out. I woke up the next morning laying next to this beast and the only reason why I woke up was because of a peculiar smell. I figure I had farted in my sleep. Nope it was her! That fat hog was farting in her sleep and it woke the dead. When I was getting dressed she woke up and asked where I was going. I told her I had to get back cause I had a flag football game to play. She starts rubbing herself asking if I wanted some "morning fun". MORNING FUN!!! WTF?? She was basically trying to rape me so she could get some more lovin but after smelling those farts I wanted no part of it. She started calling me like 5 times a day after that (thanks student directory!). I never returned her calls nor saw her again (thank GOD!). That is my story and i am sticking to it!

[/ QUOTE ]

[ctide]

The scary part wasn't losing it, the scary part is waking up and noticing that your nut has swelled up to about 7x it's regular size. Try to imagine a pain in your crotch as the very first thing you notice as you wake up, and looking down and seeing THAT.

[ThaSaltCracka]

7x ???? was your nut the size of a grapenut before?

[ctide]

Well, obviously an exaggeration, but you get my point.

[ThaSaltCracka]

I do.

[daryn]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In risposta di:</font><hr />
Why cant all women poker players look like you Jo? The ones I play with at Foxwoods look like the landlady from KingPin.


[/ QUOTE ]


oh manzo.. i just got back from foxwoods and i was on this table w/ the most gorgeous girl ever. she was like an asian cindy crawford.

i love her. /images/graemlins/heart.gif

[Filip]

But was she hot?

[daryn]

no doubt baby

[dr. klopek]

yo sublime. maybe you should just move to the bay. You're clearly in love. And then she could post that in the next "scariest thing..." thread.

[sublime]

yo sublime. maybe you should just move to the bay. You're clearly in love. And then she could post that in the next "scariest thing..." thread.

I would love to, but if i move out of the northeast i will have no excuse for being an arrogant prick

[J_V]

OMG. Man, that's really unreal.

[IlliniRyRy]

[ QUOTE ]
Long story short, the cops showed up in the nick of time and we were let go, we proceeded to get real drunk, not press charges, and explain for weeks the footprints on my face. Not that spooky, but I was scared.

[/ QUOTE ]

This story has a horrible ending, how could you not press charges??? These people are the absolute scum of the earth and should've been locked away immediately.

[The once and future king]

THIS (http://members.home.nl/saen/Special/Zoeken.swf)

Give it 40 seconds and you will see what I mean.

[Sponger15SB]

haha that was sad i knew it was coming and yet it still scared me.

[Tron]

[ QUOTE ]
I don't really consider this scary. I consider this enlightening, but some of you might think differently. There are 4 people in this pic. (Can you find all of them?) The most enlightening part is called a "crossover". It takes me about a minute or two to perform.

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't get it. What's going on in the picture?

[InchoateHand]

And where is my fricking knife!!?!!!

[Duke]

[ QUOTE ]
I don't really consider this scary. I consider this enlightening, but some of you might think differently. There are 4 people in this pic. (Can you find all of them?) The most enlightening part is called a "crossover". It takes me about a minute or two to perform.

http://parazen.bio.indiana.edu/600TAG_RJs.jpg

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't see 2 more people, unless you're just supposed to count the guy taking the picture, and then me as a viewer being brought into the world.

But I don't think that's it, since that's too cheap.

~D

[pokerjo22]

They are two little dots dangling from the rope about 3 miles up in the air.

[TimM]

[ QUOTE ]
Its called sleep paralysis. (http://www.stanford.edu/~dement/paralysis.html)

[/ QUOTE ]

I used to get this quite often, but it hasn't happened in months.

For those who haven't experienced it, you wake partially from a deep sleep, but you can't move a muscle or make a sound. You are fully aware of this and it is very unpleasant. One thing I found I could control is my breathing, so the best way to get out of it is to breathe harder and faster until the motion and noise wakes you up fully.