Women and honesty..

[Lawrence Ng]

So women want the men to be honest and truthful to them. After all it's what relationships are based on right? Trust is key.

Yeah right..

The problem is for the man to keep a healthy relationship going is that we have to lie. We have to lie to our women. Why? Because they cannot accept the truth without busting our balls or refusing to have sex with us. Men are forced to be politically correct to women. We must "rephrase our words"..it's not what men say, it's how men say it.

Women contradict themselves this way. They wear make-up, padded bras, streak their hairs. So they will conceive themselves completely almost morphing into a different creature to the point where its almost deception.

I can go up to my bud and tell him he's getting out of shape and needs to start working out. He won't ever take it against me and most likely if he's lazy, he'll brush it aside. Mention to my girlfriend that she needs to get in shape and start working out and it's a whole other response. She'll think I think she's fat and not pretty and lazy. Then she'll start to cry. Then what's worse is that she might even eat more. Here's the real brutal thing - don't expect any sex anytime soon. Honesty... yeah right.

So what's a guy to do really? We'll we have to lie. We have to manipulate our words so it sooths her ears and ego.

It's when she throws those tough tough questions as us about her appearance is when men have to be super sharp and awake.

What if you don't say anything at all? We'll if you don't say anything at all to her she'll think your hiding something.

What if you compliment her or tell her she's the most beautiful woman on the planet. She'll think you are overcompensating too hard and it sounds insincere.

What if you tell her the brutal truth. "Honey, you gained 30 pounds and I honestly think we're going to stick the New Year's resolution for good this upcoming year." In return expect the silent treatment for like 2 months..and did I mention no sex?

So what does a guy do? He has to lie! He has to lie and lie well! He has to lie with confidence!

He has to bluff so well that even TJ Cloutier would have a hard time telling that he is bluffing!

Ironically enough, when women say they want a guy to be honest, they really want a guy to lie to them. They want you to think they look like a bazillion bucks, which most of the time they don't anyways. But heck it's about mental games..just like poker.

That's my rant for the night, yes I told the truth to a girl today and I paid the price. Life sucks, poker is great and there's another date down za [censored] drain. /images/graemlins/confused.gif

[cardcounter0]

Also keeps in mind, no matter what happens, it is never a woman's fault. They will go to any length to place the blame somewhere else. Women are always perfect, someone else is always wrong. The sooner you realize this, the better off you will be dealing with Women.

[Cubswin]

You should write for some mens magazine... i enjoyed the read

[Rick Nebiolo]

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That's my rant for the night, yes I told the truth to a girl today and I paid the price. Life sucks, poker is great and there's another date down za [censored] drain. /images/graemlins/confused.gif

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You discussed all this on a date?!?!? I thought you were ranting about relationships. Date's aren't relationships. Otherwise, good rant /images/graemlins/smile.gif

~ Rick

[Blarg]

It's not just women, but women are worse at it in relationships with men.

Actually, everybody likes to hear the truth far less than they like to hear things that make them feel happy. Since so many women get a sense of security and define themselves very much in relation to the men they are with, they often need even more to hear what makes them feel secure.

Kind of like a child, unfortunately, sometimes.

There are some women you can be straight out honest with, but many if not the majority of men never find those women and even wind up settling down with and marrying someone else.

When a woman asks you what you're thinking and feeling, if you want the best results, don't say anything that will make her think less of you. Tell her you feel confident and happy, and for many women, most of all that you've first actually been spending time thinking about the relationship(instead of your sandwich, or how great it is when Moe slaps Curly and Larry at the same time with one slap, or the basketball game you're watching on t.v. when she comes in and asks you), and that your thoughts about the relationship are good and positive ones. Don't tell her you're worried about your job, sad or fearful about anything. Often questions are just fishing attempts to get back feelings of security and love and appreciation, and the words used to question and answer and get there are almost irrelevant.

It's not just exclusive to women, but many questions are inherently dishonest. Just like requests for advice are. People just want to hear their own ideas and hopes and outlook confirmed.

Worst example: a guy has been fighting with his girlfriend. He asks you what you think about her doing X, Y, and Z. Maybe even you put off answering with great talent, but finally he needles you into your opinion. Your opinion even agrees with him. Now he thinks you're a great guy and a true friend and really have a bead on exactly how things are.

Next day he's so lonely and pathetic and sad he goes crawling back to his girlfriend even if she's the one who started the fight, grovels and apologizes, and everything in their weird little world seems right again. But...now he remembers what you said about his girlfriend. Even if it was quite mild, even if it was well-deserved and even if it was the exact same thing he said. Even if you just said it to make him happy and he probably knows it. But, now you are someone who said something bad about his girlfriend, no matter how true and how much he agreed with you and maybe said far worse things himself. You are now someone he's embarassed in front of, angry at, or both, as your reward for letting him pry the truth out you. Uh oh!

Your fault. When people want advice, especially advice on relationships, even what they want to hear is not necessarily what they want to hear, and you should often just shut up. ANYTHING is better than the truth for most people.

You have to be prepared to lie or shut up in relations with people, and get caught doing and take the consequences for both. That's life! People are screwballs.

The best thing to do is not stumble into relationships you take too seriously before you're really sure they're worth taking so seriously. The divorce rate is so high and infidelity so common too because people shouldn't fall so quickly into things in the first place People talk about the divorce rate as if it's the problem, when the marriage rate is where it starts.

If you want to be with someone you have to lie to, good luck. Some people live very happy lives that way. Few people live very happy lives alone, so you'll probably have to settle for that and learn to live with lying a lot.

But there are ways of making it worse. Starting off a relationship with someone who requires lies or else one or the both of you will be unhappy can be a bad move, especially if it gets serious. If you're a young guy just having fun with a girlfriend, it doesn't matter as much. Lying and self-deception both are the grease that makes the world go round, the cost of ticket.

It takes a lot of luck to wind up in a relationship that's any different. There's a reason everybody marvels at those couples that not only stay together for a long time but do it very happily. The truth is, even most people who like each other a lot and find each other interesting, fun, and sexy are not really good long-term matches. Most people would rather have a less than perfect match than wait forever for perfection to come along.

Aside from which, lots of people are only married because someone "accidentally" "forgot" to take their birth control pills anyway. How much honesty is ever going to be coming from either side in a relationship like that?

[Lawrence Ng]

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You discussed all this on a date?!?!? I thought you were ranting about relationships. Date's aren't relationships. Otherwise, good rant

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Hi Rick,

It's a series of dates and 2 relationships that's been bugging me. I did not mention any of this on a date, but after the last date I had, I mentioned to this girl not to work too hard (she has a very busy schedule) and to make sure she gets her workouts in even if she's busy because it'll help her relieve stress and stay healthy. Errr..big mistake!!!! I got the silent treatment for 4 days and then she let 'er rip in a real nasty email to me.

Time to move on.. live and learn I guess. /images/graemlins/blush.gif

[Wahoo91]

Your points have nothing to do with gender, but everything to do with personality type. There are plenty of men who have the same issues.

This is (http://www.personalitypage.com/home.html) a good site that discusses these types of things.

Also, this site (http://www.personalitypage.com/home.html) has a good test if interested.

[Lawrence Ng]

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When a woman asks you what you're thinking and feeling, if you want the best results, don't say anything that will make her think less of you. Tell her you feel confident and happy,

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Hi Blarg,

Very very true statement.

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Don't tell her you're worried about your job, sad or fearful about anything. Often questions are just fishing attempts to get back feelings of security and love and appreciation, and the words used to question and answer and get there are almost irrelevant.

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I've found this to be interesting as well. Women tend to think more on an emotional level rather than a logical one. That's the dichotomy I have. I am a problem solver. You ask me what 2+2 equals and I will tell you it's 4. But ask a women what 2+2 equals and she'll answer with something like, "Do you think I'm stupid or something? Why are you asking such an elementary question? You think I'm a dumb bimbo right?" Again, it has to do with emotions because she thinks that I think's she dumb. Women love a confident man and one who is secure about themself. But it's up to the women to define this. What is confidence to one woman might seem like overcompensating cockiness to another. It's all subjective, but in general Blarg is right. You don't want the women to feel a lack of love, security, appreciation, respect, and romance.

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If you want to be with someone you have to lie to, good luck. Some people live very happy lives that way. Few people live very happy lives alone, so you'll probably have to settle for that and learn to live with lying a lot.

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Sadly enough, there are many couples who live in this disbelief. People who marry or live together for the wrong reasons. Reasons of deception rather than based on true love and truth. The happiest couples I know are ones who are open and honest. They are the ones that accept each others flaws and think logically rather than emotionally about each other.

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Aside from which, lots of people are only married because someone "accidentally" "forgot" to take their birth control pills anyway. How much honesty is ever going to be coming from either side in a relationship like that?


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Honesty killed my last relationship. I told my ex I played poker on a semi-professional basis. She asked me how much I would lose on any given night? Right then and there I should've known she did not like me playing cards because had she been ok with the hobby, she would never throw a question like that out. Bad read on my part. So I told her anywhere from $50 or so to maybe $1500 depending on the size of the game.

I really think she broke up with me for that reason because she thought I would be a complusive gambler when in fact I proved, explained, rationalized the merits of this game and even showed her my stats and winnings over the long run.

I love her and to this day I still love her. But honesty killed my relationship.

Nice reply post Blarg, enjoyed reading it.

[ResidentParanoid]

Ah, youth. To use a poker analogy, you don't really know how difficult it is to play A8o out of position until you've tried it a few times. You now know. Read the book "How to win friends and influence people". That might help a little. Either that, or get as much money or power as, say, Donald Trump or George Bush. Then you can say whatever you want to whoever you want whenever you want.

[AJo Go All In]

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Ironically enough, when women say they want a guy to be honest, they really want a guy to lie to them. They want you to think they look like a bazillion bucks,

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well, i think most women want you to think they look like a bazillion bucks, and for it to be the truth.